Trixie The Tantrum Queen
Discord sat on a giant stalk of broccoli, admiring his work. The town of Ponyville had been thrown into a state of utter disarray. Pigs flew through in the pinkish sky on feathery wings as birds swam through puddles of chocolate milk. The houses that weren’t turned upside-down or hovering in the air spontaneously turned into either gingerbread or giant playing cards. The grass had become a field of checkered squares, similar to a chessboard.
The Draconequus chuckled as he reached down and pulled what looked like a potato plant out of the ground. Rather than golden tubers, the plant had big, red, deliciously juicy apples tangled in its roots. Discord grasped the biggest one in his leonine paw and tossed the plant over his shoulder. Upon landing on the ground it transformed into a massive apple tree bearing potatoes. Discord smiled triumphantly as he polished his apple on his chest, then bit into it with a loud crunch. Once inside of his jaws, the apple turned into the most superb pink lemonade in existence. Discord was about to take a second bite when he heard a piercing noise that made him cringe.
“YOU!” screamed a shrill, high-pitched voice, “TURN ME BACK RIGHT NOW!” The Draconequus whirled around so fast that he dropped his apple. He groaned in annoyance as it instantly grew a set of crablike legs and scuttled away.
“Who is so impudent as to interrupt me when I’m enjoying this glorious chaos?” grumbled the spirit of disharmony.
“I am!” Discord’s face grinned cheekily as he looked down and saw the source of the horrible voice. Standing before him was a small blue filly clad in clothing that was clearly too large for her. She glared up at him with her eyes half obscured by the drooping brim of her pointed hat. Her mouth was drawn in a furious frown that would have looked more threatening had it not been for the pair of obtrusive front teeth protruding from her lips.
“And who might you be?” asked Discord as he slide off of the broccoli stalk, trying to hold back laughter. The filly stood to her full height as she looked the Draconequus right in the eyes.
“I’m the Great and Powerful Trixie!” she cried, “And I know you have something to do with this!”
“With what?” Discord asked innocently as he scooped up the filly in his mismatched claws. His grin drooped ever so slightly as he felt the foal trembling with rage beneath her cape.
“With this!” screamed Trixie as she waved her hooves erratically, “You broke the universe! Change it back right now! I’m the most magnificent, most talented unicorn mare in Equestria! I can’t be a filly! Nopony will take me seriously!” Discord gave her a smug smile as he set her on top of the broccoli stalk.
“My dear little foal,” he said as he patted her head, “The Equestria you’ve known has ceased to exist. This enchanting wonderland is Discordia, and I am its king.”
“King of the buttheads, maybe,” spat the foal, “You’re the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen! Now change me back!” Discord’s look of self-satisfaction melted away and was replaced by a shocked frown.
“You have no idea who you’re talking to, do you?” he asked with an angry frown.
“I don’t need an idea,” grumbled Trixie, “You did this. And now you’re going to undo this!” Discord had to smile again. The sheer audacity she showed him, an omnipotent manifestation of chaos, was humorous considering her tiny and unimpressive form.
“What makes you think I’m going to do that?” he sighed as he telepathically lifted her into the air.
“Put me down, you disgusting freak!” squealed the fuming filly, “I hate you!”
“That’s quite evident,” responded the Draconequus. Trixie began screaming as loudly as her little lungs allowed her, which, surprisingly, was quite loud. Discord sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Look, it’s not all that bad,” he huffed as he made a glob of cotton candy materialize in his avian claw. He handed it to the little unicorn, who stopped raging the moment it was thrust into her hooves. Her magenta eyes grew very wide as a smile appeared in place of her angry scowl.
“Cotton candy…” she breathed, “I love cotton candy.” A relieved smile appeared on Discord’s muzzle. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a plan was forming. The filly before him had instantly forgotten about her anger when presented with a form of appeasement. Perhaps, if he turned the entire population of Discordia into fillies and colts, they would be more likely to side with a being who could make candy appear with a snap of his fingers.
“There, you see,” said the Draconequus as Trixie tore hungrily into her cotton candy, “Life in Discordia is vastly superior to life in Equestria. Now, does your allegiance lie with Celestia the smelly,” he paused as he struck a prideful pose, “Or me, the wise, the wonderful, and overall magnificent and improved Discord?”
“I want ice-cream,” said Trixie as she wiped her mouth with her foreleg. Discord raised a fluffy eyebrow.
“Pardon?”
“I said I want ice-cream,” the filly restated, this time with a slight hint of aggression in her voice, “Are you deaf?” The Draconequus looked down to see Trixie giving him an expectant stare.
“Well…alright, I guess,” he said as he scratched the back of his neck, “What kind do you want?”
“I want a big bowl with huge scoops of chocolate, vanilla, and raspberry ice-cream,” Trixie began, her eyes sparkling with excitement, “With a banana and cherries, covered in lots of whipped cream and chocolate syrup, and lots and lots of sprinkles!” Discord couldn’t help but stare at the blatant avarice of the filly.
“Well, okay then,” said the Draconequus as he snapped his fingers. Trixie’s eyes glittered greedily as the spirit of chaos fulfilled her order. She made a mad grab for the spoon and took a large bite, a smile spreading across her face as she tasted the delicious dessert.
“Now then,” said Discord as he made an ice-cream cone appear in his paw, “Let’s talk about-”
“What’s that?” Discord saw Trixie staring at his ice-cream cone with curious eyes. Discord looked back at the cone, a little confused.
“It’s caramel delight,” he said, “It’s my favorite.”
“I want it.” Discord gave her an incredulous glare.
“But you’ve already got that huge bowl of your own,” he said darkly, “And this is mine.”
“But I want it,” said Trixie, her eyes narrowing as a displeased frown appeared on her face.
“You can’t have it,” Discord said firmly. Upon hearing this, Trixie’s ears perked up, looking dangerously sharp. She began to breath heavily through clenched teeth, and her eyes were ablaze with fury. Discord took a nervous step back as the filly’s body began to quake, half expecting her to erupt like a volcano.
“I WANT THAT ICE-CREAM CONE!” roared the diminutive unicorn as she began to stomp her hooves, “I want it now! Give it to me now!” She rushed forward and attacked Discord’s legs. The Draconequus took to the sky as he felt a set of tiny teeth lock around his goat leg. The filly dropped to the ground with a loud thud. Discord was momentarily concerned, but before he could move in to check on her, the filly leapt up and made a grab for his dragon leg.
“GIVE IT!” she snarled, “Give it, give it, give it!” Discord adjusted his altitude so that he was just above her reach. Unable to reach him, Trixie let out a horrendous screech. The unicorn threw herself to the ground and began to roll about on the checkered earth, kicking and screaming so loudly that Discord had to cover his ears to block out the ungodly noise. Even that did little to keep out the terrible sound emitted by the furious filly. The Draconequus watched as she violently thrashed about on the ground, his mouth drawn in a grimace. Though he could have simply winked her out of existence, there was something that held him back. Whether it was some kind of vestigial moral compass or simply him being afraid of her, he couldn’t tell. But moments before he suffered inner-ear damage, the Draconequus had an idea that made him smile with devilish delight. He snapped his fingers, and the noise suddenly stopped.
Trixie continued to roll on the ground for a few seconds longer before realizing that her screams made no sound. She sat up with a dumbfounded look across her face.
“As the old saying goes,” laughed the Draconequus, “Foals should be seen and not heard.” He became less humorous, however, when he saw the filly’s gimlet-eyed glare boring into him. Trixie inhaled noiselessly and clamped her mouth shut, puffing out her cheeks as she held her breath.
Discord laughed deridingly, but traces of his nervousness shone through.
“Go ahead,” he chuckled, “You’re only hurting yourself!” The spirit of chaos merely continued to smile. He kept thinking to himself that there was no way she could outlast him. If she wanted to suffocate herself, that was completely fine by him.
His smile faltered, however, when Trixie’s face began to turn an interesting shade of scarlet. It remained locked in the same stony glare, even as the red began to turn into a dark bluish color. A bead of sweat trickled down Discord’s forehead.
“Oh please,” he said, “You’re going to crack any second now…an-ny second.” Approximately two minutes passed by. Trixie’s face was now more purple than a grape. Discord nervously twisted his tail in his claws as the filly stared him down.
“Oh, for goodness sake!” cried the Draconequus, “Fine! Take it! Just breathe already!” He shoved it with such force into the filly’s hooves that it forced the air out of her lungs in a massive gasp. Discord wiped the sweat from his brow as Trixie’s face returned to normal. The unicorn gazed triumphantly at her prize. But her victorious smile soon turned to a disgusted frown.
“It’s all melted and runny! Make me another one!” Discord’s left eye twitched as the filly threw the ruined cone to the ground, where it landed with a loud splat. For a moment he looked as if he were going to tear her to pieces. But his angry demeanor quickly turned to one of bewilderment as he noticed one very important detail about the little unicorn.
“Your voice…how did you…?” Trixie seemed just as surprised as he was, but suddenly became smug.
“I dunno,” she said with a contemptuous shrug of her tiny shoulders, “I guess your magic’s no match for the Great and
Powerful Trixie. Now make me another ice-cream cone before I scream again.” Discord took on a wide-eyed grimace as he snapped his claws in her direction, trying over and over again to make something happen to her. He desperately tried turning her pink, then willed her to be a hedgehog, but nothing was working. Fearful that he had lost his powers, he thrust an avian talon to the heavens. Dark pink clouds suddenly rolled in over his head, and a bolt of vibrant green lightening struck his horn with a quack. The Draconequus stared flatly ahead as the clouds let fourth a shower of chocolate rain upon his head.
Trixie laughed with mean-spirited delight at his plight, pointing a mocking hoof at his chocolate-drenched features.
******
“Luna, I’ve found it!” cried Princess Celestia as she rushed towards the Alicorn from her chair across the castle library, sending stacks of paper in her wake, “I’ve found the spell that will keep Discord from harming ponies!” Her indigo sister jumped for joy, her mouth drawn in a victorious grin.
“Huzzah!” she cried as she and Celestia embraced each other in a hug, “That should buy the Elements of Harmony some time! Hurry, we must cast it with haste!”
******
Discord hovered over Trixie with a glowering look on his face as the filly noisily devoured her ice-cream cone. Though he was rendered completely unable to do her any harm, he was still able to grant her superfluous demands. The Draconequus somehow knew that Celestia and Luna were responsible for it, and silently vowed revenge once he figured out how to ditch the bratty unicorn. So far she had made him conjure up a beanbag chair for her to sit in, a large umbrella to keep the chocolate out of her mane, and several bags of assorted candy.
“Are you quite finished yet?” he growled, his voice strained with anger. Trixie looked back up at him, her muzzle smothered in caramel ice-cream.
“I want to be an Alicorn princess,” she said, as if he had asked her a completely different question, “And I want a castle just like the one in Canterlot.” Discord could have made both requests a reality in mere seconds, but his own prideful nature prevented him from doing so.
“A princess?” roared the Draconequus as he was surrounded by the quacking green lightning, “So, you want to princess now? Well, I might just have to do that! You’re already acting like one!” Trixie’s eyes went wide with fear as Discord thrust his snarling face only inches away from hers.
“You’re a selfish, spoiled, ungrateful little brat!” he bellowed with such force that it made the trembling unicorn fall back into a puddle of chocolate, “I’ve seen wild animals that are more behaved! Who am I kidding, you are a wild animal! That’s all you are, a stupid little beast that can only think of herself! I should put you in a cage and sell you to the zoo so all the normal colts and fillies can watch you have a tantrum and laugh at how stupid you look!” Discord’s fierce face began to soften as he looked at Trixie, who had grown uncharacteristically silent. The Draconequus realized too late what was happening as the unicorn’s massive eyes began to fill with tears.
“Oh no…”
A low, miserable moan started in the back of Trixie’s throat, rising into a loud, heart-wrenching wail. Tears began to stream from her eyes, landing around her like rain. Discord frowned as she broke off into a series of the most unbearable sobs he’d ever heard. It was so bad that it made the Draconequus say two words he’d never thought he’d use together.
“I’m…sorry!” he said over the filly’s crying. This failed to do remotely anything, but Discord felt the need to say it again. “I’m sorry!” he said as he picked up Trixie from the puddle. The cold, wet, wretched little foal continued to bawl. Discord’s face contorted in disgust as he felt her nose gush snot all over his claws. The Draconequus set her back down on the ground and summoned himself a handkerchief.
“Look, it’s okay!” he said quickly as he wiped off his fingers, “It’s okay!” Trixie continued to sit and scream miserably, choking on her own mucus as her tiny form heaved with each sob. She looked so pitiful that Discord was overcome with something he’d never felt before. It was a strange feeling that almost seemed like shame, but slightly different. When the Draconequus realized that it was guilt, he put his face in his hands.
“I’m actually caring that I made a filly cry,” he murmured to himself, “I’ve just lost my villain card.” He peeked back out at Trixie, who was still bawling her lungs out. The sheer unhappiness on her face was starting to cause him physical pain. He felt a strong motivation to pacify her by any means possible, but also knew that it would just be enforcing her belief that he simply existed to fulfill her every wish. The Draconequus wrung his hands at the difficulty of the situation. He realized that there was only one option, an option that he found degrading and humiliating.
******
Celestia and Luna both looked up as there was a bright flash of light above their heads. Almost instantly the quiet confines of the library was filled with a horrible screeching sound. There, floating above the Alicorns, was a bedraggled, desperate-looking Draconequus clutching a screaming unicorn filly in his claws.
“What in the name of Star Swirl?” cried Luna.
“Discord!” Celestia shouted with reproach, “What are you doing with that filly?”
“A better question is what is she doing with me,” sighed the spirit of chaos as he dropped down to the floor. The two Alicorn sisters took a step back, edging closer to each other.
“How do I make her stop crying?” Discord asked in a manner that sounded suspiciously like begging. Celestia and Luna looked incredulously at their adversary.
“What?” Luna asked blankly. Discord was immediately in her face, holding the bawling foal before her like a weapon.
“How do I get her to shut up? Please, she’s the most irritating thing I’ve ever met!” Again, all the two Alicorns could do was stare at the Draconequus.
“Discord…” murmured Celestia, “Are you feeling alright?” Discord gave her a sneer.
“No, as a matter of fact I’m not,” he said bitterly, holding up the weeping filly, “This creature has made a parasitic bond with me. She does this if I don’t give her what she wants. She’s made me feel several new emotions that I don’t feel comfortable with, and worst of all, made me feel bad for her.” Discord became even angrier as he saw two smirks appear on the faces of the Alicorns.
“So basically…” Luna said, trying not to laugh, “You’re being pushed around by a child?” She and Celestia finally gave into the ridiculousness of the situation and began to giggle.
“She’s not a child!” snapped the Draconequus, “She’s the biggest brat I’ve ever seen!” He narrowed his eyes at the two princesses. “And because of you two, I can’t do anything to get rid of her!”
“Well, Discord,” Celestia said with a smile, “Perhaps you can learn something here.”
“How is that possible?” cried Discord, “I’ve been too miserable to learn anything!”
“Exactly,” said Luna, “How do you think others feel when you use them for your own selfish ends?” Discord rolled his eyes at the lunar princess.
“If I need useless cryptic advice, I’ll resurrect Star Swirl,” he groaned, “Here, O wise one, take her if you’re so smart!” He shoved the filly into their forelegs with a huff, “I’m off to rule my kingdom! Have fun taking care of the little terror!” The Draconequus disappeared in a bright flash, leaving a sniveling Trixie behind with the two princesses. The filly looked up at them with scared eyes.
“Oh, poor little thing,” cooed Luna, “She’s so adorable. How could that ruffian be so mean to her?” The lunar princess gave the little unicorn a kind, gentle look. “Don’t worry, you’re safe from that mean old lizard. Is there anything we can do for you?” Trixie sniffled as she wiped her face with her foreleg.
“I want an ice-cream cone…”
******
Discord snickered wickedly to himself as he sat back on his broccoli stalk, which immediately turned into a weirdly carved throne adorned with antlers. He found it absolutely fitting for his two enemies to be stuck with the creature that had almost brought him to his knees. And to think, he was beginning to feel sorry for her.
“Serves them right,” he cackled as he watched a bathtub full of goo float across the sky, “Maybe I’ll go back sometime and laugh at how wrong they were.” But as the Draconequus sat, his malicious smile began to disappear, being replaced with a blank, emotionless look. An epiphany was occurring within his mind, one that shed light to a long-forgotten chapter of his life.
“My god...” he breathed, “...I was a horrible child…”