Flim, Flam, and the Little Lost Apple Scam

by Georg

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Flim and Flam, Slice of Life, Main 6, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 38172

The Flim and Flam brothers show up at Sweet Apple Acres, claiming to be relatives with a problem. A cute, adorable little problem who will turn the Apple family inside-out.

The Flim and Flam brothers show up at Sweet Apple Acres, claiming to be relatives with a problem.

A cute, adorable little problem who will turn the Apple family inside-out.

Editors: Peter, Tek, TheMaskedFerret, Pascoite
Cover picture: Clipart

Published 2017-06-01 18:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-06-08 14:32:54 UTC

2. Little Problem

Flim, Flam, and the Little Lost Apple Scam
Little Problem

The unicorn foal did bear a distinct resemblance to the brothers, mostly in her golden brown coat and green eyes. In contrast, the darkish-pink curls of her short filly mane was unmistakably the color of her mother’s coat, or at least it matched the color of the mare in the photograph that Flim produced. She gurgled, as most foals did when they were being bottle-fed, while Flim held her and Flam talked in a low whisper.

“You see, Granny Smith, the beautiful Marian of Dodge Junction turned out to have gotten slightly closer to my brother than myself during our courtship, and once we had gotten our family disagreement settled, thanks to you, of course, we returned to the town to find her… less than receptive to our attempts at reconciliation.”

“Kicked ya out and slammed the door, didn’t she?” Applejack could not help but feel vindictive, but it was not as good a feeling as she had expected. Both stallions bowed their heads as if mourning for a close family member or a lost bit.

“To our great surprise, she had given birth to a foal during our absence,” said Flam. “Small-town morals being what they are, her position and shame caused her to put the adorable little tyke up for adoption, and there was nothing a pair of honest and upstanding stallions such as ourselves could do but to step forward and take responsibility for our actions.”

There were so many things wrong with that statement that Applejack did not know where to start, but she settled for raising one eyebrow and asking, “Our actions?”

“Such as it may be,” said Flam. “Although the foal is my brother’s, I feel that I should bear equal responsibility for his actions, for it was our earnest competition for the beautiful Marian that caused the environment in which Apple Sprout was created.”

“Ah still don’t see no reason why you two raisin’ a foal involves us Apples,” groused Applejack.

“For that, I must refer you to my brother,” said Flam. “He is the one who depleted our funds at the Canter Creek orphanage even to the last bit in our emergency cache.”

Flim kept his voice down while still holding the bottle over the happily feeding foal. “Only after you had spent nearly all of our money on the new project in Appleloosa.”

“I kept strictly to our funding limitations,” protested Flam, “within a certain margin of error.”

“And I tried to keep within mine,” said Flim. “Unfortunately, the matron of the orphanage in Canter Creek was reluctant to give up my daughter without an endless number of fees being paid, all of which had to be in cash.”

“She refused to honor our credit,” said Flam.

“We were slightly overdrawn on our bank balance,” admitted Flim. “Not to mention the hold our investors placed upon the nonexistent funds it contained.”

“Merely a few thousand bits,” said Flam. “We would have been able to pay the bank and the investors in Dodge Junction back twice over once the Appleloosa project was complete and the orders began to arrive.”

“Wait a dad-blamed minute,” said Applebloom. “You’re out of money? That’s why you’re here?”

“Not precisely out of money,” said Flam. “We do still have our petty cash fund.”

Flim hefted the foal up against his chest and patted her gently, resulting in a quiet and polite burp.

“Very well, now we’re out of funds,” admitted Flam. “That’s the end of our formula, and I’m afraid neither of us come with the equipment to make our own.”

For a moment, Applejack considered sending the pair on up the road to Princess Twilight Sparkle’s castle. If anypony could do make a spell to do that, Twilight could. Common sense triumphed in the end, and Applejack let out a sigh. “So, you need us to give you some money. Would a couple hundred bits help?”

“Yes,” said Flam.

“No,” said Flim.

“What?” said Flam.

“Brother of mine, we live a hard life on the road, sleeping by the roadside at times and eating whatever we can graze,” said Flim.

“Scamming widders and orphans,” muttered Applejack under her breath while Flim continued talking.

“I don’t want my daughter to be raised in that way any more than I want her in some orphanage somewhere being raised by a pony who only cares about the bits she will bring. I want her to grow up in a loving home, with a family who can give her the kind of life that Marian would want her to have. I want her raised by honest ponies who will teach her all about the value of a hard day’s toil in the fields alongside family, not by a pair of crafty salesponies who have to routinely leave town at night in order to avoid arrest.”

Flam stepped back and held a hoof over his heart. “Brother, you wound me. With us, she will experience the joys of travel all across the country, finding new experiences in every city. The cultural depths of her education will know no end, as every stop will bring new shows and new ponies to meet.”

“She’s just a few weeks old,” pressed Flim. “She eats, she poops, and she cries. Maybe when she’s older, we can take her on our journeys, but for now, she needs the love and care that only a stable family can provide.”

“Now hold on just a minute,” said Applejack. “We ain’t runnin’ no daycare. If’n we take little Apple Sprout in, it’s as family, an’ you can’t expect to just come a runnin’ by in a few years and pick her back up like nuttin’ happened and what am I saying?” Applejack took off her hat and smacked it a couple of times against the tree before jamming it back on her head. “This is all just some sort of scam for you two, ain’t it? And yer draggin’ a foal into it! Your own foal!”

Flam sighed and ran a hoof down his mustache. “I told you, dear brother, that we would not find any help from our extended family here.”

“You are correct,” agreed Flim. “It appears we have no option but to hit the road again and travel as far from Dodge Junction as possible with my daughter. Perhaps we can find some kind soul along the road that—”

“Hold on there, ya fast-talkin’ varmints. I didn’t say I was gonna kick you out neither.” Applejack tilted her hat further back on her head and glared, although some of the pepper was taken out of her fiery continence by the toothless smile she got from the unicorn foal who had suspiciously been pointed in her direction. “Ah ain’t gonna throw no kin of mine out onto the road without a bit to their name, big or small. We’ll take Apple Sprout in for sure, but you two ain’t in much better shape from what ya said, ain’t that right?”

“Well, Cousin Applejack—” started out Flam, only to have his ‘cousin’ shove a hoof into his mouth hard enough to hit teeth.

“That’s another thing,” said Applejack. “We may be cousins, but you ain’t gonna call me that, or we’re gonna have a discussion that ain’t gonna involve much in the way of words. You can call me Applejack, or AJ, or even Jacqueline if’n yer feelin’ lucky. Now, you wanna try that again?”

Once Applejack had removed her hoof, Flam took a quick glance at his brother, who was still holding the foal in his magic, then cleared his throat and turned back to her.

“Thank you, Applejack, for taking in my niece, particularly with the problems we have caused to your family. We both appreciate your kindness, and will do whatever you want to help support Sprout.”

“You’re welcome.” Applejack nodded slowly. “And…”

“And we would both appreciate it if you could find it in your heart to provide a pair of honest stallions a place to stay for a few weeks? Please?”

“Well…” Ignoring the misplaced ‘honest’ in his request for the moment, Applejack glared back and forth before looking at Granny Smith, who gave an encouraging nod. “We ain’t got no guest room available in the house, but you can bunk out in the barn for now. I’ve just got a couple of conditions, kin or not. First, you’re gonna tell Princess Twilight Sparkle every detail of the scheme you’ve got going on in Appleloosa and Dodge Junction. If’n it is a scam, you’re gonna pay back every bit you’ve taken from your ‘investors’ and if’n it’s not, I’ll be shocked. Ah’m only letting you stay here to keep an eye on ya, understand? Second, there ain’t no room on this farm for no lollygagging. Yer gonna work just as hard as any member of this family, particularly if you’re gonna need to pay back all them ponies you scammed, and you will. Ah’ll be writin’ a letter to mah Aunt Orange tomorrow to double-check your family relationship to the Oranges, and if’n yer lyin’ to me, out you go!”

Applejack set her jaw and waited for whatever slimy scheming the two brothers were going to try next. There was a lot of looking back and forth going on between them, with a great deal of fatherly/uncle-ly appreciation of their unicorn foal, who had settled down in her blanket bundle for a post-dinner nap. In the end, they simply nodded and sat side-by-side while waiting for whatever Applejack was going to say next.

“Well, I ain’t never thought I’d say this, but you two get washed up and come on in the house for dinner. I’ll take Sprout here and find a place for her to sleep inside.” Applejack reached out and took the tiny unicorn foal in one foreleg as Flim floated her over.

She was so much smaller than Apple Bloom had been as a foal, but then again, Applejack had been a lot younger when Bloom was born. A few curls of pinkish mane were trying to fall down in front of the foal’s eyes much like Babs Seed had always struggled with her mane. If it was a scam, and the Flim Flam brothers were so low down as to use a foal in it, they had picked one heck of an Apple to do it with.

“You are one adorable filly, Sprout.” Applejack tucked the curl of mane back over one tiny ear and smiled despite herself, although the smile went away almost at once when the sounds of rumbling and a powerful stench made themselves known. “Ah don’t suppose you two got no diapers in that wagon, do ya?”

* ♥ *

It was a long evening in the Apple home. Rumors travel fast, particularly when Ponyville’s Most Eligible Bachelor slips into town in the afternoon to buy a big bundle of diapers and some foal formula. After that, the natural speed of small town gossip informed the whole town about the new arrival at Sweet Apple Acres faster than Rainbow Dash on a sprint.

Even Pinkie Pie managed to throw a small welcoming party with punch and cake for all the visitors, because nearly every one of Applejack’s friends and neighbors had to stop by the house on some pretext or another in order. They all took time to goo and coo at the adorable foal, although she drew the line at Rarity wanting to take ‘just a few measurements’ and Pinkie’s offer to take her back to Sugarcube Corner to play with the Cake twins. Even Miss Cheerilee dropped by with the flood of neighbors bringing carrot cake or casseroles to celebrate the new Apple in Applejack’s family tree, and there seemed to be a new wave building in the eternal game of Assault on Big Mcintosh Mountain.

All of the single mares who took time to adore Apple Sprout took about the same amount of time to pay attention to Big Mac, seemingly considering the amount of metaphorical climbing gear they were going to need and which face of the mountain would be easiest to attempt this time.

And consarn if it didn’t bring a serious twinge of incipient motherhood to Applejack’s heart too when she looked down into those enticing green eyes and saw her own reflection looking back at her.

This was going to be far different than when Applejack was raising Apple Bloom, because she had never considered herself to be stepping in the role of her mother when fate had stolen away their parents. She had just did what needed to be done, a scared young filly trying her darndest to be as strong as she could be in order to shoulder the enormous burden dropped on her shoulders.

Even sharing that responsibility with Big Mac and Granny Smith had not kept that crushing weight from nearly breaking her. As much as she did not want to admit it, taking off for Manehattan to live with Aunt and Uncle Orange was more running away from her problems than what she claimed. It was a lie that had bothered her every day in the big city until it had all come to a head with a flash of light in the sky and a rainbow pointing back home. She had never told a single pony, particularly Rainbow Dash, but the day she had gotten her cutie mark and returned to Sweet Apple Acres was the day she had made up her mind to never leave another frightened foal alone in the big world without anypony to hold and love. Her siblings could go out and raise families of their own, but Applejack was adamant about her place in the family orchard without no stallion and no little ones of her own.

Until now.

Fate had a way of looking at all your best planning and laughing, and with all the laughter and happiness her friends and neighbors brought when they came to look at and play with the newest Apple in her family, Applejack was plum sure Fate was getting an awful good belly laugh out of this one too. Marian may not have wanted to be a mother, but now Applejack found herself in nearly the same position and was not about to abandon Apple Sprout when she needed a family the most.

That warm feeling of her growing family lasted all through the evening hours until she had chased out all of the guests and visitors, put Apple Sprout into the same woven wicker apple basket all of the newborn Apples had slept in as a foal, and nestled her up against the wall in her own bed.

“Good night, Cousin.” Applejack kissed the foal gently on her stubby horn and settled down to sleep next to her.

For all of a minute.

It started as a low snuffling sound. Then a sniff. And a tentative “waa?” One large inhalation later, it broke into the powerful solo of a small foal who demanded a bottle, right now.

“You are so much your father’s daughter,” grumbled Applejack while she picked up the crying foal and went to the kitchen to make the bottle.

Author's Note

There are little tidbits that sneak in during editing that are too good not to share, like this one when we referenced the Apple family 'stable life.'
Tek: A stable family life. :)
Me: You know, 'stable' is too good not to put in there.
Pascoite: "You know, something that doesn't invite the 'were you raised in a barn' comment."
Me: Yeah, weren't everypony? An' what's so wrong about being raised in a barn, you city slicker? :)

(On the brief comment about sending Flim and Flam up to Twilight's to get a spell cast on them so they could nurse the foal)
Peter: lol. Now that would be a story that would gain rave reviews. seriously, think about it. Flim, or Flam, learns responsibility, and how tough it is being on the other side of the gender divide.
...
Tek: you could argue that Twilight could use a spell to make herself able to nurse the foal, as fun as this other path of logic is :)
Me: Far easier to simply trigger lactation in AJ.
AJ: NOW HOLD ON! Ah know where you live, you deceptive little author.
Me: Trivia I learned recently. Male horses don't have vestigial nipples. Weird things you learn from this fandom.
Ferret: snerks Innit beautiful?
Pascoite: Most mammals don't Isn't it only primates, and not even all of them?

I also learned that horse belly buttons look weird.

3. Saturday's Child

Flim, Flam, and the Little Lost Apple Scam

Saturday’s Child

Dawn broke across Sweet Apple Acres in a dazzling display of colorful morning clouds and sweetly singing birds, the latter of which Applejack suspected had been sent by Fluttershy just to make her day seem brighter and more beautiful. It only went to show that although her friend may have been the Element of Kindness, she was not the Element of Forethought⁽*⁾.

(*) Fluttershy had once been so concerned about Rainbow Dash after a night of drinking that she sent Mister Woodpecker over to wake her up in the morning so she would not miss any of her weather work.

The very much sleep-deprived young farmpony trudged across the the farmyard over to the barn, ignoring the birdsong that the young foal in the dusty carrier across her back was enjoying so much, with delighted coos of happiness and wriggles in an attempt to escape her imprisonment. Guests would normally get the courtesy of a gentle knock at the door and an announcement of impending breakfast. Applejack bucked the barn door open so hard it threatened to leave the hinges while she bellowed, “Good morning, you two lazy varmints!”

It really was impressive how rapidly both brothers went from a sound sleep to a rapid gallop in the direction of the back door of the barn, managing to scoop up their hats and meager possessions in the process. Flim was the first one to slow down and stop with a look back over his shoulder at where Sprout was giggling at their antics, but Flam was only a step slower, because he had stopped while holding the door open for his brother.

“Friend Applejack,” started Flam with an uncertain expression, much as if he were considering just how fast he would have to run to escape the frazzled and very much coffee-deprived young mare who was glaring daggers at him.

“Cousin Apple—” Flim froze in place as Applejack’s intent stare switched targets. “I mean Jacqueline,” he corrected while withering under her unwelcome attention. Obviously attempting to change the subject, the conniving unicorn took a peek at the adorable foal gurgling and cooing on Applejack’s back and put on his best hopeful expression. “So how did Daddy’s little girl sleep?”

“Like a baby,” grumbled Applejack. “Up every hour to cry or pee or want fed or I don’t even know.”

* * *

The brothers stayed close to the Apple family and the foal through a relatively sparse breakfast of apple-fortified hotcakes, oatmeal, coffee, apple juice, toast, and formula, although only the youngest of them drank the last one. Despite Applejack’s best efforts, the unicorn brothers only had a few a few pieces of toast and some oatmeal for breakfast, much as if they seemed to be afraid of eventually finding it on their bill, although Big Mac and Apple Bloom had no problems eating the leftovers.

“We’re gonna start you varmints out easy,” said Applejack once the foal had been tucked into the family crib and Granny Smith had taken her place next to it. “Ah’ve got about half of the baskets checked for this year’s harvest afore I got interrupted yesterday, so if’n we can get to work on them today, with your help we should be able to be ready for harvest in good time.”

“I don’t see why you would be using old baskets to collect your harvest,” said Flam, stroking his moustache. “Once our new machine in Appleloosa is complete—”

“And we agree on a name,” added Flim.

“—my brother and I could harvest your entire orchard in half the time.”

“If it worked,” said Flim. “There are still a few minor steps that need to be done.”

“Parts to be purchased,” said Flam.

“Some minor assembly,” said Flim

“And of course a certain amount of testing,” said Flam.

Both brothers chorused, “But we can get you in on the bottom floor of this investment opportunity for the low price of—”

Applejack stuffed a pancake into each of their mouths.

“Ah ain’t buying no magic machine to harvest our apples and make cider,” snapped Applejack, “particularly with the way you finagled your last hunk of junk. Just because it was faster than our traditional harvestin’ don’t mean it was better.”

“That was the old prototype,” said Flim once he had finished chewing. “After our last encounter with your— I mean our family—” The young stallion cut off abruptly again, due to the scorching glare that Applejack bestowed on him that by all means should have set his mane on fire.

“What my brother is trying to say, ma’am, is that our experience here taught us a valuable lesson.” Flam doffed his hat and held it over his chest. “Only fools go into sales without listening to their customers. The quality and care the Apple family puts into their product is legendary, and if we were to sully that good name, we could see a dramatic decrease in your sales.”

His brother promptly doffed his hat the same way once Flim put an elbow into his side. “If we are to be associated with Sweet Apple Acres, even distantly, it only behooves us to hold to the same level of quality control and excellence which has made your family name legend throughout Equestria.”

Big Mac got up from the breakfast table and headed for the front door.

“Consarn it, Mac,” snapped Applejack, far sharper than she had intended. “Where ya headed?”

“Barn,” said Big Mac. “Gonna get mah boots. It’s gettin’ deep in here.”

Applejack scowled at the two scoundrels once Big Mac had strode out of sight. “Now you two have done it. He’s gonna be all bent out of shape for days. You keep this up an’ he’ll be speaking whole sentences afore long. Last time it took a month for his mouth to run dry.”

“Sorry, Miss Applejack,” said Flim.

“Our apologies, ma’am,” said Flam.

“Ah ain’t the one all upset about it,” muttered Applejack with a quick peek in the crib to make sure the cute unicorn foal was sleeping. Considering who her father was, Sprout could not have looked more innocent with a halo and a surrounding chorus of chirping birds, but that was probably just her mother’s side coming through. “Apple Bloom’s gotta get ready for school, then Ah’ll take you two out to the barn and we’ll spend the day checking and reweaving baskets, if you’ll apologize to Big Mac first, otherwise he’ll just sit there and think of things to say all day like some word fountain.”

“Ah got yer little one, so don’t you worry none,” said Granny Smith, leaning over the edge of the crib with a wistful smile on her wrinkled face. “There may be a few years on this old mare, but she’s still got it.”

* ♥ *

After watching the brothers apologize to Big Mac, Applejack had to admit a certain admiration for the way they coordinated their actions like a pair of jugglers with so many lies and half-truths flying around between them. They certainly tried to be truthful in their apology, but just like a wagon settling back into a set of comfortable ruts, they would exaggerate a point or twist the meaning of a word until Applejack put an end to their shenanigans before they tried to con her idiot brother out of the farm. Again.

Instead, they all spent the rest of the morning sorting and fixing baskets. It was not really the most glamorous job on a farm, if there were such a thing, but once Applejack had caught the brothers attempting to slip their second defective basket into the approved pile and delivered yet another scorching lecture, the two of them settled down and put in a good morning’s work. In fact, Applejack was amazed at how quickly the duo learned how to re-weave the broken baskets from last year and get them ready for harvest. Maybe there was a tiny bit of Apple in them, other than the marks on their rumps.

“So how did y’all get your cutie marks, anyway?” asked Applejack after a few hours of work. “The two of you seem awfully close. Did you get them at the same time?”

“Close?” Flam raised an eyebrow while using his magic to reinforce the bottom of a frayed basket. “Why, my brother has hardly ever been out of my sight except during the time we were recently estranged.”

“Other than a few times with the lovely Marian, brother of mine,” corrected Flim. “Why, we have been the closest of friends and fiercest competitors throughout our entire life, Miss Jacqueline. We shall never be able to thank your dear grandmother enough for her kindness in reuniting us, although I only wish we had never quarrelled in the first place. It was a terrible time, being estranged from my brother for so long. Why, I nearly considered—”

“Taking up a legitimate trade?” said Applejack with a raised eyebrow of her own.

“Politics,” said Flam. “He even had a campaign slogan put together for his attempt at becoming Dodge Junction’s mayor.”

“Vote for me?” suggested Big Mac.

“Ahh…” Flim carefully put the basket he was working on into the completed pile and picked up the next one in the stack for consideration. “How did you know?”

“Relatives,” said Big Mac.

“Don’t think there’s a corner of Equestria nowhere without an Apple or two in it,” said Applejack with no small amount of pride. “Ever since you two visited our farm the first time, we’ve been getting letters from kinfolk far and wide about what you’ve been up to.” Messing with the baskets had embedded a set of kinks in her back, so she stood up and stretched, looking at the scattering of work that remained, mostly baskets which had probably seen their last year of service.

“You seem to have an effective espionage force,” said Flim with a peculiar twist to his mouth indicating a certain distaste to having their activities observed. “Though I doubt if second-hoof comments about our various activities would be as accurate as our own recitation of events.”

“For one, you seem to have been as caught by surprise by my brother’s adorable bundle of joy as we were,” pointed out Flam.

“Point taken,” said Applejack. “Reckon there’s all kinds of surprises in the world, an’ that one ain’t so bad after all.” She looked at the brothers, who were still hard at work threading wicker through the weak spots in a pair of baskets. “So, I never did ask. Havin’ a foal out of wedlock musta hit your Marian pretty hard. How’s she holdin’ up?”

“That’s…” Flim rubbed his chin in thought while looking at the ground. “Complicated.”

“To say the least,” said Flam. “My brother did offer to make an honest mare out of her, but she refused. Strenuously.”

“Extensively,” said Flim, maintaining his observation of the barn floor.

“After our long absence from the area, we flipped a coin for which of us would return to Dodge Junction and attempt to make amends to the beautiful Marian, and which of us would see about recovering our uncompleted machine from Appleloosa.” Flam wiped the back of his forehoof across his nose with a quiet sniff. “When we next met, I was stunned beyond words. I had never seen my poor brother so depressed in my life. Words can flay the skin with edges far sharper than any blade, and he trudged back from his sojourn into Dodge Junction looking much as if he had been verbally reduced to ribbons. After a brief discussion, we determined our presence would only have made her shame and pain greater, so we departed immediately.”

“Almost immediately,” corrected Flim. “I located the orphanage in Canter Creek where Apple Sprout had been placed, and after swearing the matron to secrecy, I presented myself as the father. It took considerable time and a great deal of convincing, but the matron was a kind mare, and I do not blame her for the expenses incurred in adopting my daughter. It was, after all, my fault she was there in the first place.”

“I blame myself too,” said Flam, looking much as if his broad mustache was about to droop straight down. “If I had not attempted to liberate our uncompleted prototype machine from the clutches of our creditors in Appleloosa, we would not be in the fiscal pickle we are today, and we could have made recompense to our Cousin Applejack for her trouble.”

“Now hold on a minute.” Applejack put down the tattered remains of the basket she had been attempting to salvage and tramped over to Flam. “Two things, and the importantest goes first. Ah ain’t takin’ no money for caring for kinfolk, no way, no how. If’n there’s one thing Ah’m gonna get through your thick skulls, it’s that family is more important than anything, especially bits. We’ll take care of your daughter… I mean your brother’s daughter without no need to pay us back, an’ that goes for you two also, as long as you pitch in around here. Do you understand?”

Flam nodded slowly, but still looked as if he would rather have been anywhere else. “I can try.”

“Try harder.” Applejack jerked her head in Flim’s direction. “If’n your brother was in trouble, again, you’d do anything to help him. No matter how much it cost or how much work it took, you would step up to be beside him, sure as shooting, right?”

“Of course, Cousin Applejack.” The depressed stallion perked up and his mustache stopped drooping so much. “He’s my brother, and quite nearly the only family I have, excepting my newborn niece.”

“Bein’ Apple kin means you got a whole passel of brothers and sisters out there, even if some of ’em are scoundrels. An’ when one of ’em is in trouble, we Apples stick together and help each other out of whatever jam they done got into, no matter what. And since you’re f-f-family…” Applejack stopped to take a deep breath. “Whew. Anyway, don’t you be gettin’ all weepy about payin’ us back, you hear?”

“Yes, Cousin Applejack,” said Flam with a note of optimism this time. Even his moustache fluffed back out to a semblance of its original glory when that mischievous smile emerged back onto his face and he asked, “What was the second thing you wanted to tell us?”

Applejack took her hat off and thwapped the stallion across his nose. “Ah was gonna remind you not to call me ‘cousin’ or that’s gonna happen again. Now, it’s almost lunchtime, so let’s get washed up and into the house afore Granny needs to call us. She’s probably gonna need some help too, since she’s watchin’ yer little one.”

* ♥ *

The phrase ‘needing help’ was not in Granny Smith’s vocabulary. The tough old mare had been in Applejack’s life for every minute from the first breath she had taken after being born to the present. Through floods and snow, good times and bad, she had been the rock of the Apple clan, an inviolate shelter that had survived the death of her husband, son and daughter-in-law, as well as the passage of a century of hard farm life.

When Applejack strolled through the front door of the house and saw the kitchen, she thought for certain that Granny had finally met her match. Only one pot sat bubbling on the stove, but all it held was a bottle of foal formula while Granny Smith was focusing her attention elsewhere. Apple Sprout was scrambling across the kitchen floor, all knees and elbows in constant danger of collapse while her tiny hooves skittered across the slippery linoleum. Still, she was managing to keep ahead of a panting Granny Smith by about a length as they made circles around the table and through the disaster zone that the kitchen had turned into. Cups, plates, silverware, cooking utensils and just plain stuff was scattered all over the place, making the two ponies doing laps around the table jump over or knock to one side something with almost every step.

The four observers stood quietly amidst the noise until Flim lit his horn and picked up the foal, who flailed her limbs and gave a short set of sparks from her stubby horn in response. Still, it was not enough to escape, and he brought Apple Sprout in for a quick hug.

“Is Daddy’s little filly giving Granny a hard time?” he purred.

“I’m… fine…” panted Granny Smith after she clattered to a halt and put one hoof up to her back. “Jus’ a tad slower than I usta be, an’ couldn’t catch her when she got out of the crib. Lemme just sit down for a spell.”

“How in tarnation did Sprout get out of the crib?” mused Applejack while she strolled over to take a look at where she had spent much of her first year. Beautiful paintings of apple trees, apples, and barns covered both ends, and the straight slats of apple wood had been highly effective in keeping newborn Apples inside for decades. “Did she slip away when you got her out to feed her?”

“Danged if I know,” muttered Granny Smith before slumping down in her rocking chair. “One minute I was jus’ sitting the little one in for a quick nap an’ the next, she’s scrambling across the floor, headed for the stove.”

“Hm…” Applejack scooped up the foal and dropped her into the crib. At first, Sprout seemed to think it was a game, but after a moment, she sniffed a few times and curled her bottom lip.

“I’ll get her,” volunteered Flim, but slowed to a stop when Applejack held a hoof across his chest.

“Jus’ give her some time,” said Applejack. It did not take much time indeed for a golden spark to float up from the sniffling foal’s horn, and she promptly tumbled through the slats on the side of the crib to land on the floor on all four hooves.

“Whoa, there, little filly.” Applejack caught the foal before she darted for freedom and dropped her back into the crib. “I reckon we’re gonna need something more unicorn-proof than the Apple family crib for you.”

* ♥ *

It was a beautiful day to walk, even with all of the apple trees in the orchard so close to harvest, and Applejack trotted down the road to Ponyville with a happy passenger bouncing along in the foal carrier across her back.

“Ah never did like that crib either. An Apple needs to be outside in the fresh air.” Applejack took a deep breath with all of the potential of the harvest season flavoring every breeze. Soon, she would be working from dawn to dark out in the orchard until the first flakes of winter started. The minor twinges and aches that would grow through the harvest season had already begun to make themselves known in her ankles and hips as tiny indications of the pains they would soon become. Running an orchard was a lot of work, and was it really all that bad to have some help?

“Now they got me thinkin’ about that dadgum machine,” she grumbled, although without much of the ire she wanted to express. She was momentarily distracted by Apple Sprout, who had just begun to wave her tiny hooves around at a butterfly fluttering along with their journey, and it took quite a few steps before she could return to her original thoughts. “Jus’ because they can harvest an’ juice apples with that durned thing faster than us Apples, don’t mean it’s any better.”

Of course, that made her think of Princess Twilight Sparkle and her continual quest for ‘better’ in all things, except of course those things about which she did not want to rock the applecart. It felt awfully hypocritical to Applejack. Even though Twilight used a quill to write with instead of a steel-nibbed pen (an earth pony invention by somepony who did not like the way feathers tickled the inside of their cheeks), her books were all produced on monstrous steel presses, and she had no problem using a train to get somewhere rather than walking.

Of course, when Princess Twilight Sparkle had gained a castle, the clash between the natural order of things and technological progress had been taken up a notch. Instant magic crystal castles were notably lacking in lights, running water, plumbing, and particularly toilet facilities to take the disagreeable contents of their use outside, and more importantly, to the expensive sewage line the town had run to the castle in just under a week.

That first month of remodeling had been a particularly stressful one for Twilight. Fortunately, Cheerilee had opened up her back bedroom/storeroom for the displaced princess and dragon for the duration. Surrounded on all sides by Cheerilee’s old school books and older student projects, she had slept like a baby while industrious ponies worked quietly behind the scenes, and rumor had it, the contractors were treated to a full week of paid vacation in Neigh Orleans afterwards at Celestia’s expense.

When Applejack approached the crystal castle this afternoon, she gave a brief frown as she realized that out of all of her friends, only Twilight Sparkle had not visited the farm last night to coo and goo at the adorable foal. The massive front door of the castle was unlocked, of course, and Applejack trotted on in, looking around the sparkling walls and windows with a sense of awe undamped by the dozens of times she had been here before. Even Apple Sprout stared entranced with the way glittering sparks of light danced around from the sunlight pouring through the elaborate windows.

Twilight was in the library, of course, nestled into a collection of open books which she was attempting to read at once. She was not totally lost in her research project, because she looked up when Applejack entered the room, and then did a most satisfying double-take at the sight of the happy unicorn filly tucked into Applejack’s foal carrier.

“Applejack! Is that… I mean who is… Surely I haven’t been in the library that long.”

“Calm down, sugarcube.” She strode over to Twilight’s book-nest and twisted around to do the complicated contortion it took to extract a foal out of the carrier. “Durned things aren’t really designed for earth ponies.”

It took a few minutes, and nearly sent the foal tumbling across the library floor when she caught her knee in the fabric, but eventually Applejack put Sprout down on the floor and turned her to face Twilight Sparkle. “Twi, meet Apple Sprout, my quite-possibly distant cousin from, and I hate to say this, Flim.”

“Flim?” Twilight blinked several times. “One of the brothers who tried to cheat you out of your farm?”

“Yup.”

“I didn’t know you were related to them.” Several books from across the room promptly glowed and floated over to Twilight with their pages already opening for her perusal before Applejack held up a hoof.

“Hold up there, Twi.” Applejack settled down on a nearby cushion and pulled the excited foal against her to suppress Sprout’s fascination at so many crinkly pages and chewable covers within reach of her stubby legs and toothless jaws. “Flim and Flam showed up yesterday with this cutie in tow. Ah’m not sure if they’re kin, but I’m gonna send a letter to my Aunt Orange an’ let her do all the sortin’ through the orange side of the Apple family tree. Ah got a different job for you, if’n you’re up to it.”

The wriggling unicorn glowed gold for a moment and vanished with a loud pop, only to reappear on a pile of open books just barely out of reach of Applejack. She lunged for Apple Sprout’s hind leg anyway, and managed to catch her by one hoof and reel her back in before she vanished under a bookalanche.

“I see,” said Twilight. “Some powerful newborn unicorns can have unpredictable magical surges until they settle down, as you noticed. I presume you’re going to want some pretty potent counterspells set up around the house to keep her out of trouble.”

“Yup.” Applejack managed to get the excited foal pinned down and started rubbing her tummy, which calmed her down and stopped her wriggling progress toward freedom. “Ah never thought our family crib would be used by a unicorn.”

“I was starting to think your family crib would never get used,” said Twilight with a warm smile directed at the infant unicorn, who was waving her forelegs at the Princess of Friendship in an attempt to get picked up by the fascinating stranger. “All the rest of the girls at least have a social life. All you have in your life is round, red and comes in a bushel.”

“We’ve got yeller and green apples too, Twi,” said Applejack, trying not to sound just defensive or to counter with a book-related poke at Twilight Sparkle’s limited dating experience. “Ah ain’t got time to go sorting through the stallions in town, lookin’ for one that’s about ripe and ain’t been picked by no other mare. Time’s been short lately. Big Mac has been seein’ more of Cheerilee, and I’ve been picking up the slack around the farm while them two is off doin’ whatever they’ve been up to.”

“Is there kissing involved?” asked Twilight with a mischievous smile.

“No! I mean…” Applejack felt stuck between smiling at the giggling foal and frowning at her friend, leaving her face with either a smrown or a frile, depending on how Pinkie would interpret it. “What mah fool brother does on his own time don’t got nuttin’ to do with me. Now, can we get back to the subject please?”

“You need some way to keep your new cousin out from underhoof while you’re not watching her,” said Twilight Sparkle with what could only have been a slightly jealous look at the laughing foal and what Applejack suspected was a certain amount of suppressed desire to contribute to the tummy rubs. “I’ll write a letter to my mother and see if she can’t bring my old crib for you to borrow. She wanted to loan it to Shining Armor, but the crystal ponies got Cadence about twelve of everything a foal could possibly want, and I certainly won’t need the crib in the near future. Not that I haven’t been looking too,” she added rather rapidly.

“That’s the first part of my problem,” said Applejack. “Probably the easiest, too. What Ah really need is for you to check out Flim and Flam’s stories. Seems they got some sort of investment scheme with some widget deal in Appleloosa and Dodge Junction that went sideways, so I need you to go out to the farm and talk with the two rascals, separately if you can, and figure out what it really is. If’n they’re up to something, and they probably are, Ah don’t want Sprout dragged into it.”

“That doesn’t sound too difficult.” Twilight scooted closer and took a turn rubbing the little filly’s tummy while Applejack took a brief break.

“It’s a lot more difficult than it looks, Twi. You see, this here is Dodge Junction’s town librarian’s foal.” The foal in question slowed her giggling when Twilight abruptly stopped rubbing her round tummy. “Marian gave her up for adoption after one of those durned fools got her pregnant. There’s something funny about their story, but I jus’ can’t put a hoof on it. It’d be an awful embarrassment for an unmarried filly in that public a position to turn up with a…”

Applejack trailed off and Twilight picked up the conversation rather reluctantly. “You mean a bastard? I mean that’s the technical term, not that she’s anything but adorable.”

“Can’t say I really blame Marian for it either,” admitted Applejack. “Didn’t sound as if Flam realized how close his brother was to her, so she might have been playing them against each other at the same time the brothers were trying to underhoof each other. Those durned fools. Love makes a pony stupid, I suppose.”

After scooping the little filly back up and cuddling her, Applejack wrinkled up her nose, a motion that Apple Sprout duplicated with ease and made them both smile. “Anyway, sounds like their competition got out of control about the time they both vanished from town.” It took a deep breath and a long, dry swallow for Applejack to say the next words, which she had been avoiding since first picking Sprout up and looking into those enticing green eyes.

“I’m gonna raise her, Twi. Ah know she’s really Marian and Flim’s foal, but she gave Sprout up for adoption and he’s… well, smart enough to know he ain’t gonna be no good as a father out on the road. She needs a family and Ah got one for her.”

“Oh.” Twilight took a long time to say anything else, but eventually asked, “Are you sure?”

“Yup.” Applejack cuddled the foal, holding her tiny warm body against her chest and looking down into those green eyes where a pair of Applejacks reflected back at her. “Ah can’t think of another Apple I’d rather have do it.” She brushed a few curls of pinkish mane back from the foal’s horn and sighed. “Sprout may not be one of my own family, but she’s kinfolk. Or at least if Flim and Flam ain’t pulling some sort of low-down scummy trick again. Still, she’s an awful cute one.”

“You’re not kidding.” Twilight paused in her examination of the foal and promptly floated over a dry diaper. “She’s wet too. Let me see if I can still work a diaper like when Spike was hatched. I don’t know how earth ponies can manage without magic when they get dirty.”

* ♥ *

“Rarity?” Applejack poked her nose into Carousel Boutique and took a quick look around. “Oh, good. She’s not here. Oh, well. I guess Ah’ll just have to go back to the farm without—”

“There you are!” Rarity came scurrying out of the back room where undoubtedly a number of outfits for small foals were in various stages of construction. She made a beeline for Apple Sprout and tickled the attentive foal under the chin while Sprout giggled and kicked for joy inside the foal carrier. “You’re a cutie pie, aren’t you? Yes you are. Does ’ums need Auntie Rarity to watch you for a few minutes?”

“Maybe for a few minutes,” admitted Applejack. “I was just over at Twilight’s askin’ to borrow her old crib—”

“Her crib?” said Rarity with a gasp. “Why, Applejack. I would have thought you would come here to borrow our family crib first. After all, I do have something in common with the adorable scamp.”

Applejack raised one eyebrow. “You use to teleport out of your crib too?”

“Um…” Rarity busied herself with paying attention to the cute foal. “Actually, I was very well-behaved at this age.”

“How about Sweetie Belle?”

Rarity paused. “Actually, now that I think of it, there’s enough fire damage on that old thing that you’re probably better off getting Twilight’s former crib anyway.”

“Uh-huh.” Applejack considered the problem she was going to raise and decided to go ahead and voice her concerns. It could not hurt. “Actually, Rares, I was wondering if you could do anything with this durned foal carrier. It’s not bad for carryin’ but it’s cussed hard to unload.”

“Why, of course. Whatever are friends for? I’m just glad you stopped by here instead of one of our other friends first. Pinkie Pie would probably put in an ejection seat and Rainbow Dash would undoubtedly help her. Come to Auntie Rarity.”

Blue magic formed around the wriggling foal, and Apple Sprout floated out of her carrier far easier than Applejack had managed. Since she was splitting her attention between the foal and the awkward carrier, Rarity was caught by surprise when one of Sprout’s legs turned out to be slightly longer than expected and managed to catch the sleeve of a fancy dress on a nearby ponyquin. The resulting crash covered both Rarity and Applejack in a beaded collection of sequins and lace while the troublemaker responsible for the mess bolted for freedom.

“Sweetie Belle! Help!” called out Rarity.

“She’s at school with Apple Bloom,” said Applejack, somewhat muffled from where she had landed at the bottom of the pile of finery.

“Oh, bother. I’m so used to things like this happening when she’s around.” Rarity carefully tried to free herself while doing as little damage to the dress as possible. “Nonono! Don’t touch it there or you’ll tear it.”

Once untangled, it took the two adults only a few moments to catch Apple Sprout, who had fortunately been confounded by the doorknob or she would have made it outside to the grassy lawn. “She’s certainly her father’s child,” said Rarity, booping the unicorn foal on her nose and giggling along with her afterwards. “Wanting to get out and explore the world.”

“And with a bunch of ponies trying to catch her and lock her up too.” The levity of the moment had given Applejack a small smile which had amazing persistence, sticking on her face even when the young unicorn slipped out of their hooves and managed to climb up on a chair in pursuit of a nearby window and the fascinating world outside.

Applejack filled Rarity in on what she had asked Twilight to do, because gossip would eventually make its way to the boutique anyway, and sometimes a good grass fire needed a counterfire to help put it out. She was just a touch upset about having the task of crib procurement and investigating the real story behind the Flim-Flam brothers and their predicaments taken up by a princess instead of herself, but after a brief mourning period for gossip unsaid, Rarity settled into her appointed fashion project with glee.

It took less than an hour for her to modify the foal carrier to be both more secure when loaded and easier to unload, but it caught Applejack totally by surprise when Rarity sat back after all of the modifications were done and asked, “So, if you’re planning on raising this adorable Apple, what were you planning for the tree she came from?”

“Beg pardon?” Applejack managed to raise an eyebrow while looking back at where Rarity was preparing to add a number of sparkly apple-shaped decorations to the carrier.

“I mean, Flim, or maybe Flam, I still get those two confused. Are you considering perhaps guiding his path and placing him on the straight and narrow road to matrimony?”

Applejack doubled over and snorted, which Apple Sprout seemed to think was hilarious too. “We’re just housing those two varmints until Aunt Orange can figure out if they’re really relatives. Can’t believe you think I’d try an’ date one of my own kin.”

“Distant relatives, if I’ve heard correctly. But if they’re not relatives of yours, you are planning on sending them back onto the road, correct?” Rarity cocked her head to one side and raised an eyebrow of her own. “With this darling cutie?”

The idea struck Applejack out of the blue, because she had not really considered it before. If Flim and Flam were not kin, and Apple Sprout was just a tool in the scheming stallions’ plans, she really didn’t have any claim on the cute foal. On the other hoof, Apple Sprout had weaseled her way into the Apple family pretty durned fast, and Applejack really did not feel like she wanted to give her up, even after just one somewhat sleepless night being her substitute mother. It would be far too painful to have to give her back, but Sprout was not some stray who wandered into Sweet Apple Acres like Winona. She was a pony, with a mother and a father…

A twinge of pain lanced through Applejack’s heart at the unexpected thought. Even though Flim was a scoundrel and Marian had given up her child rather than raise her, Sprout had parents, and deserved to know them more than to go by the clearing every few days and keep the weeds from encroaching on their tombstones. And as little as Applejack wanted to admit it, Flim seemed to love his daughter as much as Marian, and Flam was just as committed to supporting his brother. On some level, she knew those two weasels were pulling some sort of a scam on her, but there was still a tiny sliver of hope that perhaps they had learned their lessons and were willing to make their living honestly from now on.

Yeah, right.

“It don’t rightly matter, Rarity,” said Applejack without taking the time to think out her words. “They need help, all three of them need our help, an’ if’n we were to toss them back out on the road, kinfolk or not, what kind of ponies would that make my family?”

“Very well said, Applejack.” Rarity fiddled with the two fabric-covered knobs on the foal carrier with her mouth, pulling one to open it up and the other to close it several times until she was satisfied with their function. “I’ll just put an anti-unicorn magic countercharm on this and it will be all ready for use. You know,” she added in a somewhat sly fashion, “since cider season is coming up soon, you’re going to be quite busy. If you want, all of us girls would be more than happy to take turns watching Sprout. I’ll bet even Spikie would. He’s had a lot of experience with unicorns and should be able to hold his own if she gets excited.”

“Ah don’t really need help. It’s my responsibility, since I decided to take this little one in.” Applejack took a moment to nuzzle the unicorn foal in her more-secure carrier, only wincing slightly when an unexpected horn almost caught her in the eye.

“You volunteered to help out three strangers in need,” pointed out Rarity. “It’s the least your friends can do to help you out.”

“Ah ain’t askin’ for no help,” said Applejack with a determined set to her jaw.

“The last time you said that we wound up with a bunny stampede, some muffins that even Pinkie Pie couldn’t stomach, and—”

“Whoa, there!” Applejack waved a hoof. “Ah didn’t say I’d turn you or the rest of the girls down if’n you offered. Ah may have a hard head, but I learned my lesson.”

“Thank you, Applejack.” Concealing a knowing smile, Rarity began to tie a sun bonnet on the foal for their trip back to Sweet Apple Acres. “I took the liberty of talking to the rest of our friends last night and worked out a schedule for the next two weeks. Just pick up a copy from the table by the door when you leave.”

Author's Note

More editors notes. They're wonderful people.
(When talking about Granny Smith)
Tek: may want to add her husband to this or did her children jump fully formed from her brow or did she slice open a giant apple to get them
Me: good catch. Besides, who's to say they didnt? :)
Tek: Granny: Truth is Applejack you sprang fully formed from your fathers brow and Big Mac came out of a Giant Apple that yer ma grew.
Applejack: What about Bloom?
Granny: oh she came in the more traditional way, found her under an apple sapling in the orchard

(On the section where the Flim-Flam brothers say they will try to do good)
Tek: Yoda: "do or do not, there is no try"
Me: Applejack as Yoda. The mind boggles.
Tek: yeah your right, Granny Smith really fills the role better :)
Ferret: She's green and has the wrinkles down pat already.

(Talking about the foal carrier over at Rarity's)
Tek: ok now you have me thinking of mating this thing with a catapult for easy unloading :) Pinkie would probably make it into a baby cannon :)
Me: added an ejection seat line
Ferret: Snerks

5. Coming Up Short

Flim, Flam, and the Little Lost Apple Scam
Coming Up Short

Appleloosa may not have been the center of the Equestrian social world, or even a little off-center, but it had a small library with space to grow as the tiny town turned into a much larger town. It could not compare with Ponyville’s castle and public book collection, of course, but the hallowed hall of knowledge was reigned over by a fearsome elderly librarian just as dominating with the rules as Princess Twilight in her own lair.

Applejack had been the recipient of Twilight’s quiet hushed shushes far more than once or twice, because the young farmpony always had difficulties restraining her natural enthusiasm inside the library tree. After all, a clever periodical with an article on the treatment of apple scab or a new process for preventing lesser violet spotted stem blight was worth calling out to other patrons for their perusal, even if they pretended it was not that big of a deal. That blanket of implied quiet worked to her advantage today while Applejack talked one-on-one with the angry investors, whittling down their protests and complaints to simple statements they were willing to swear to on penalty of perjury.

They oughta be glad I don’t swear them with Pinkie Promises.

It was amazing how quiet a loud pony got when they began to write numbers down on paper for a princess to use in a trial. More than a few of them had to go back and make minor corrections for hundreds of bits in their original complaint before they felt comfortable letting Cherry Jubilee notarize their statements under Applejack’s hoof-stamp. Twilight would probably go through the whole collection on the way back to Ponyville and generate some sort of color-coded table with charts and graphs out of it all, but Applejack was content just to add up all the numbers when she was done.

Then after a short period of staring, she added them up again, just in case there had been some sort of mathematical error.

“With this kinda money, they shoulda showed up in a solid-gold air chariot pulled by Princess Celestia herself,” muttered Applejack. She scooped the statements into Twilight’s folder and gave it a good thump to settle all the papers down before looking around the library meeting room for any leftover trash that needed to be thrown away. It was only then that she saw the last earth pony Applejack wanted to see, standing in the meeting room doorway, just glaring at her.

From the brothers’ descriptions, she could only have been Marian, with that pale pink coat seeming faded and dusty from her trip and a similarly pale cream mane tied up in a tight bun. The events of the last year had taken more out of her than a foal and some time, but there was a bumper crop of fire burning behind those golden eyes that bespoke of a lot of pent-up anger, just looking for a pony to take it out on.

And she was looking at Applejack.

“Uh… Hello?” Applejack picked up the folder of statements and stuffed it quickly into her saddle bag. “I’m… ah… didn’t expect to see you here. I’m sorry for taking up so much of the library’s time,” she added.

There was a long pause where Marian just stood there, not moving. Then she spoke in a flat voice seeming to seethe with acid.

“Rumor has it those two… creatures have been given shelter at your home,” said Marian. Her eyes flashed, and she lifted up her chin in defiance. “I thought you were the Element of Honesty.”

“Ah am! Honesty, that is,” said Applejack with one hoof over her chest. “An’ I’m not giving them no shelter, except what they got out at the barn, really. Just keepin’ them in one place while we unwind whatever scheme they were up to.”

“They will lie to you with every word they say,” growled Marian, still standing in the meeting room doorway as if she were glued there. “They will say the nicest things and sound oh-so honest. As they go on, everypony will start to trust them and let their guard down.” She paused to take a breath, and Applejack could see the tremor in her chest as she breathed out. “Then they will hurt you, far worse than you have ever been hurt before. Please, turn these two criminals in to the authorities and let them face justice.”

The last word came out of Marian’s mouth in a near-hiss, and she stood for a long while before turning abruptly on one hoof to leave.

“Wait a sec,” said Applejack almost out of reflex. “Ah know they hurt you and everypony in this town, but they deserve—”

“They deserve far more than to go to jail for the rest of their natural lives,” snapped Marian, still looking away and not meeting Applejack’s eyes. “You’re one of the princess’ friends. Talk to her and have them sent away forever, far from here.”

Marian strode away deeper into the library, and as much as Applejack wanted to follow her and explain, she knew that would only tear open her wounds and pour salt into them.

It was a very long trip back to Ponyville.

“Ah don’t know, Twi.”

It had been a tiring day sitting in the train car both ways, and now that they were back in Ponyville, all Applejack wanted to do was collapse back into her bed instead of having a ‘friendship discussion’ at Twilight’s castle with Rarity and Pinkie Pie. After a stretch, she tried to get comfortable in the big crystal chair despite the razor-sharp edges and points that prodded at her backside.

The Castle of Friendship needed a nice, comfortable den with a fireplace and a couple of fluffy cushions to have these friendship discussions instead of a cold, bright room made of glass and rocks. Pinkie Pie looked comfortable, and Rarity could probably look comfy if she were sitting on a pitchfork, but Applejack was sorely tempted to just bring in a cushion for her chair someday regardless of the consequences. Applejack had wondered why Pinkie Pie was at the meeting at first, but she supposed that if their trip had gone well and by some miracle, Marian had returned to patch things up with the brothers and reunite with her foal, there would have been a party. That happy occasion certainly did not seem like it was going to happen soon, if at all.

“Really, I’m certain you did all you could, Applejack.” Rarity sighed and shook her head. “Some scars take longer to heal than others.”

“Marian ain’t healin’ nothing, Rarity. It’s like there’s this big hole in her heart, all full of anger.” Applejack put her head down on the table and bonked it several times. “I wanted so much to tell her all about her foal, but that would just hurt her more. The two stallions she hates the most with her own flesh and blood? She’d pop a blood vessel for sure. Is there anything in those papers that can help, Twilight?”

“I’m afraid not.” Twilight placed the stack of papers to one side with a faint grimace, most probably because of having to make a report on her investigations without enough time to make charts or graphs. “It actually looks like their design was… possible, if very difficult. They seemed to be trying to do what they said, but there’s just too many variables.”

Applejack snorted. “Some widget what tries to do everything for everypony ends up doin’ nuttin’ for nopony. Even I know that.”

“It’s quite a problem in the fashion world too,” said Rarity. “You try to do as much as you can with what you have, and stop before you ruin everything.”

“Like the Gala dresses,” said Applejack.

“Well…” Rarity hesitated. “Yes.”

Applejack sat back up in her chair and yawned. “Not a bad day’s work, but not too good a one neither. At least we can see about selling off that hunk of junk they were building and pay the ponies back, right Twilight?”

Twilight did not say anything other than to flip beads on her abacus with a frown of concentration.

“Oh, come on, Twi.” Applejack huffed. “There was a heap of bits what went into making that huge machine.”

“Mostly custom thaumaturgical constructs and specialized parts,” said Twilight. “If broken down and sold, I don’t think the investors would get back much more than thirty percent of their investment, at best.”

“Better’n zero,” said Applejack. “Ah plan on making up the difference out of Sweet Apple Acres’ emergency fund.”

“Just a moment, Applejack.” Twilight Sparkle flipped several more beads on her abacus and looked up. “We still don’t know for certain if the Flim-Flam brothers are even related to you. Don’t you think it’s premature to pledge your family’s savings to make up for their misdeeds?”

“Don’t matter,” said Applejack. “It’s the right thing to do, since we took in those scoundrels. The farm will get by just fine, if we scrimp real careful for a few years.”

“Wait just one minute,” declared Rarity. “You’re not doing this without our assistance. What kind of a friend would we be if we did not help out our friends? I know you want to protect those two handsome young—” She paused, looking conflicted for a moment until Pinkie Pie popped up.

“What Rarity is trying to say is we’re with you all the way, Applejack, from the party planning to the cleanup, and this is one big mess to clean up, like the time—” The fortuitous insertion of Twilight Sparkle’s hoof into Pinkie Pie’s mouth let the Princess of Friendship get a word in edgewise.

“You don’t have any legal liability to Flim and Flam’s debts, Applejack. It’s been almost a year since they originally defrauded the town, so another few days won’t make too much of a difference anyway.” Twilight Sparkle tapped the stack of claims in front of her. “I’m sure the greater portion of the townsponies’ losses can be quickly reimbursed by the Royal Contingency Fund, even though it was fairly well hit by the Braynard Neighdoff pyramid scheme that just blew up in Manehattan last month. In the end, Flim and Flam will still have to stand trial for criminal fraud before their prototype can be dismantled and sold to cover a portion of the rest. It’s evidence for the trial, after all.”

“We can all chip in to cover what’s left,” said Rarity. “Certainly, if the brothers are thrown into jail, they’re not going to be able to contribute to reimbursing the victims of their deceit.”

“In a way, they are now,” said Applejack. “With them workin’ out at the farm, the bits they earn can go to all them ponies they cheated. I figure it won’t take more than…” She stopped and thought for a while, but with a clatter of abacus beads, Twilight Sparkle reached the answer first.

“At the earliest, seventeen years,” she said with a flick of one last bead. “Not counting any interest or penalties.”

* ♥ *

While Applejack got ready for bed that evening by giving Apple Sprout a bubblebath in the family tub, she had to consider the wet and playful focus of the way life had changed around her with one simple addition. Serious Applejack, Determined Applejack, and Angry Applejack had all taken a step backwards to allow Mommy… No, she was not a mother to the little unicorn who was playing in the bubbles in the bottom of the tub instead of being scrubbed clean. Aunt Applejack maybe, at best. Maybe just a tiny bit of Mommy Applejack around the corners, which was all she really wanted to admit to, despite it feeling as if she were lying to herself.

And durned if it don’t feel good.

She picked up the scrub brush in her teeth and gave Sprout a farm-quality sudsing, then ducking and weaving in a short game before rinsing out most of the bubbles with a slosh from the rinse bucket. Well, all of the bubbles except for a couple that the foal was having too much fun playing with.

“Your pa and your uncle is in a heap of trouble, squirt. At least they’ll be outta jail by the time you’re ready to go off on your own. Mebbie you can make them into honest salesponies, once they’ve served their time.”

The unicorn sneezed around a soap bubble, and her horn gave off a brief flash of light. It made the whole room smell of elderberries and smoke for a moment, and signaled the end of bathtime and silly daydreams for the evening. Applejack finished the rinsing and pulled the foal up out of the tub for a vigorous rub-down and quick nose-booping round of play before getting a fresh diaper out and trying to incarcerate Sprout into it.

“You don’t want to go to bed yet, do ya? I woulda thought you playing with your papa all day would wear you out. You know, all good Apples head off to sleep early as they can to get a head start on the morning, right?”

Apple Sprout reacted to this sage advice with a splutter and giggle before sprinting for naked freedom.

Once she had gotten the youngest Apple cornered and diapered after a romp through the house, complicated by Apple Bloom spotting an opportunity to get out of her bed and ‘help’ with the chase, Applejack scooped the unicorn foal up and gave her a hug. “You are such a night owl. Maybe Twilight would like to watch you in the castle for a few evenings to keep herself awake while she studies. At least your pappa and your uncle know enough to go to sleep when they can. See?”

Applejack opened the window curtains and pointed out to the barn, which had an unexpected light on in the back room.

“Huh, that’s odd. Well, maybe they just can’t sleep neither, like you. Come on, Sprout. I’ll read ya my copy of Rooty the Rootabaga an’ see if that’ll put you to sleep. If’n that don’t work, we’ll take a walk.”

The old book was frayed and tattered with several generations of Apple tooth marks and nose prints, but Applejack treated the simple pasteboard pages like they were made of gold. She settled down in bed and arranged the bassinet beside her before holding the book in the lamplight and showing it to Apple Sprout.

“See here, little filly. Them tooth marks there was made by my pappy, when he was carrying the book upstairs to read to me and tripped on one of Big Mac’s toys. He made such a racket, all whining and cuttin’ off his curses short as not to harm our delicate young ears. Mama laughed and called him a silly pony, but Big Mac didn’t leave no more toys scattered around after that.”

The book reading went on for a long time that evening until the foal finally slipped off to slumber, but after all of the lights in the Apple household had gone out, the light out in the barn continued to glow.

6. Secrets

Flim, Flam, and the Little Lost Apple Scam
Secrets

The days before cider season streamed by at a frantic pace, much as if Princess Celestia and Luna could not wait for their turn at the festival either, and were hustling the sun and moon along as fast as they could get away with. Applejack was starting to worry that cider season would blur past before they could get to it, and could have sworn there were a few of her dreams with a certain dark alicorn in the background, hurrying her nighttime along as fast as she could too.

If the dawn-to-dusk days they were putting in were not enough, having the sibling scam artists along to help out was similarly stressful. It wasn’t that they were causing trouble. Far from it. They were being honest, and the anticipation of their inevitable scheme was just driving Applejack up the wall.

For example, Flim had plowed into helping Big Mac with the harvest like he was a regular earth pony, working shoulder to shoulder with the big lug and even engaging him in actual conversations of more than one or two words. What was worse, Big Mac was taking a shine to young Apple Sprout as if she were his own, and even borrowed Applejack’s copy of Rooty the Rootabaga to read to her at night.

And in addition, Flam had taken to running the apple stand in town like an alligator to swamp water. With his infant niece Apple Sprout providing support for his rapid patter, the townsponies were irresistibly drawn to the sale, and the pile of bits grew far larger than she expected.

Even after she had subjected the devious louse to a daily search in the evenings, just in case he was skimming.

What was worse, Applejack could not even get angry about it. Everywhere she went, Apple Sprout and those big green eyes lurked in wait. When Apple Bloom and the rest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders were building a swing in the back yard, the happy foal was right there in the harness being swung back and forth without even a hint of the Crusader’s normal explosions or tree sap. When Applejack brought an extra load of apples to town for Flam to sell, Apple Sprout would wave at her and insist on a quick nuzzle before she went back to the farm. Even her friends were getting in on the project, with Twilight Sparkle trying to teach the infant unicorn how to read without chewing on the book pages and Fluttershy bringing her critters over to play.

The python was too much, even if he was affectionate.

“You two’ve gotta be up to something,” grumbled Applejack during one of her trips into town. “Ah just haven’t figured it out yet.” She boosted the young foal up higher in the crook of one foreleg and nuzzled Apple Sprout. “Tell your Auntie Applejack what they’re doin’, and I’ll give ya a kiss. Kissies for Auntie Applejack?”

After a messy nuzzle with the innocent Apple, Applejack crooked an eyebrow at the nearby guilty relative. “You, I ain’t givin’ a kiss to no matter what you say.”

“It’s the moustache, isn’t it?” Flam wiggled his facial fuzz and bent down over the foal so Apple Sprout could giggle and grab at the proffered hair. “It drives the mares mad.”

“It didn’t seem to drive Marian as mad as your brother’s clean-shaven lips.” It was a spiteful and mean thing to say, but Applejack’s words did not seem to hurt him as much as she expected. Then again, the con artists were masters at hiding their emotions, and Flam deserved an apology for her cutting remark, even with his criminal history. “I’m sorry.”

“What’s that?” Flam leaned over his niece and waggled his mustache again while seemingly ignoring Applejack.

“Sorry for insulting your face.”

“Beautiful mare, it was not my face you insulted. It was my excellent choice in grooming.” He waggled his mustache again to Apple Sprout’s obvious joy. “I think you’re jealous.”

“What!” Applejack fumed, but taking her hat off and walloping the idjit would just give Apple Sprout ideas. “Ah ain’t jealous of your face caterpillar!”

“Beg pardon?” Rarity tapped her friend on the shoulder and turned Applejack around for closer inspection, particularly around the nose. “You know, darling, if you’re really wanting a moustache, I’m certain Twilight can magic you a very nice one. Almost as nice as your handsome relative here.”

“Thank you, kind lady.” Flam tipped his straw boater hat. “I presume you are here to pick up Sprout for this afternoon, fair Rarity?”

“Certainly.” Rarity used her magic to boost the foal out of Applejack’s grasp, then wrapped Sprout up in her own cuddle and rubbed noses with her. “She’s always such a good little filly for her Auntie Rares. Say Rarity. Come on. You can do it.”

Apple Sprout giggled instead, but mostly because Rarity had just blown a raspberry into her round tummy.

“Now what is this about being jealous of Flam’s magnificent mustache?” Rarity swung the foal over her back with her magic and started tucking her into the foal carrier while waiting for a reply, which did not take long despite Applejack’s spluttering and stammering.

“I am not jealous!” Applejack sat down with a thud and crossed her forelegs. “Ah’m just saying a fuzzy face like that’d tickle something awful for kissing.”

“I see,” said Rarity with a sideways flicker of the eyes while she finished tucking the young filly into the carrier. “Are we talking with the voice of experience here?”

“No!” Applejack distributed her fierce glare between the two adults who seemed to be finding humor in her discomfort.

“It never hurts to expand your limits.” Rarity actually gave the unicorn stallion a wink. “I’ll just leave you two here to experiment. Ta!”

In hindsight, Flam did not stand a chance. Rarity kissed him straight on the lips without even a chance for him to dodge, then turned and trotted off for her boutique with a girlish giggle, echoed by Sprout in the foal carrier on her back.

“You’re right, Applejack,” she called back over her shoulder. “It does tickle.”

“Well I’ll be…” Applejack turned an undiluted glare on Flam, who still looked stunned. “Now don’t you go gettin’ no ideas.”

“Of course not.” Flam rubbed his lips with the back of one hoof. “I have no intentions on your friend, Cousin Apple—” He paused, looking at the way Applejack was pulling back one hoof. “I mean friend Applejack. My intentions are in the direction of a much more preferable romantic partner. Miss Rarity is a very beautiful and elegant unicorn, but I’m afraid the two of us would… clash.”

“Yup, she ain’t gonna play second fiddle to no stallion. Particularly one who done one of her friends wrong.” Applejack suppressed a grim chuckle. “An’ you thought it were tough to run someplace in Equestria where there weren’t no Apples. Cross her an’ she’d track you down even in the Dragonlands. Heck, she’d probably just send a note to Dragonlord Ember an’ have one of her dragons bring you back lightly toasted.”

Flam’s smile became somewhat strained. “Dragonlord? As in—”

“Close friend of Spike’s, from what I’ve heard. He dotes on Rares something special, so if’n you’re even thinking about a scheme which would put Rarity in the least bit of danger—” Applejack’s eyes narrowed “—like whatever you and your scheming brother are up to, you better think twice, then think again.”

After a brief coughing fit, Flam held one hoof across his chest. “I assure you, our project is perfectly—” He stopped and quickly put his hoof back on the ground. “I mean—”

“You two slimy stinkers are up to something,” hissed Applejack, keeping her voice low to avoid attracting any attention from the rest of the market. “Spill it.”

“I would love to tell you, but I can’t.” Flam placed one hoof over his chest again, most probably where his shriveled heart was supposed to be located. “My brother and I swore each other to secrecy, but I can tell you there’s absolutely nothing criminal or even the least shade of unethical involved. Our trees have turned over a new leaf with the birth of our Apple Sprout, and we wanted to express our appreciation to your family for the acceptance you all have shown us. Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow.” Applejack fought back a fierce frown. “Cider day.”

“Yes.” Flam gave out no further information, but he did wriggle his mustache slightly.

“If it weren’t for your niece, I’d kick both of your scheming hides back out onto the road,” growled Applejack. “Aunt Orange is still looking up branches in the family tree, an’ she ain’t found no sign of your relatives yet. She did find a couple of petty crooks who changed their names a bunch of times, so we ain’t givin’ up yet.”

“Con ponies.” Flam turned his back on Applejack and dealt with several customers in a row. Despite her fuming undercurrent of fury, she could not help but notice the way the handsome unicorn smiled and made small talk for the customers while sacking the purchases, but his ‘serious’ face reappeared the moment he turned back to her.

“Taken from the word ‘confidence’ of course, hence the phrase ‘being taken into one’s confidence’ as an expression of trust. The world does not simply run on friendship, magic, and two alicorn sisters. It runs on trust, Miss Applejack. We trust Princess Celestia will raise the sun every morning and Princess Luna will raise the moon at night. We trust the train will arrive somewhere close to when it is scheduled. Ponies come to this stand fully trusting that they will find the finest apples in the land at reasonable prices.” Flam indicated the cashbox of the apple stand, filled with golden bits. “There is no exception to the extension of trust, of course, including money.”

“Ah ain’t had no problem trusting money,” said Applejack with a suspicious glare. “Bits is bits.”

“But why would somebody trade perfectly good apples for a simple fleck of golden metal?” Flam used his magic to pluck one of the bits out of the till and hovered it in front of Applejack. “You can’t eat one, they’re not comfortable to sleep on, and they don’t make a musical tune. Yet I know that I can take this bit over to Quills and Sofas to buy some of their excellent writing instruments, or over to Sugarcube Corner and purchase a muffin.”

“Two,” said Applejack. “It’s Muffin Monday.”

“Two.” Flam nodded. “There’s a special magic in money. It grows. If you have one bit, you want two, and when you have two, four, and so on. It’s called greed when it gets out of hoof, but if not for the desire for more, Equestria would be a dull place indeed. Sweet Apple Acres would be just a couple of apple trees for your family’s personal use and a shack. The balance between greed and trust keeps the economy going and growing.”

“Trust? You ain’t never tried to get no loan from Silver Certificate down at the bank,” scoffed Applejack. “Them bankers don’t trust nopony. Ya haveta sign away half the farm to afford to be able to upgrade the other.”

Flam twitched as if he had been suddenly pricked by a pin. “Borrow at two, lend at three, be home by four is a myth. Be assured, friend Applejack, that bankers are just as greedy as the rest of Equestria. They just hide it better and do it bigger. Skyscratchers and cruise ships, bridges across raging rivers and massive dams to tame them. My brother and I have traveled the length and breadth of this great country, and the money we have made from our projects is naught but a puff of wind when compared to the hurricane of lies and deceit in the highest hallways of finance when projects grow to that scale.”

“So you’re sayin’ we should trust you ’cause you ain’t as crooked as some other important ponies.” Applejack took a deep breath. “Trust ain’t nothing you get in one big lump. It’s like an apple tree, an’ you gotta grow it, one leaf at a time. You two trust Rarity and the rest of my friends to look after your little one, an’ I trust you enough to run the apple stall here at the market, but you’ve got a long uphill road ahead of you to get out of the hole you done dug.”

Flam took off his hat and held it across his chest. “All I ask is for is a shovel and your beautiful face to guide me along that path.”

“Humph.” Applejack turned around and began shrugging into the harness of the small cart she had used to bring the additional apples for the afternoon sales. “You ain’t gonna sway me with no fancy words like you did Marian.”

“No, of course not.” Flam’s words sounded suspiciously flat, and once she had secured the cart harness across her back, Applejack spared him a glance. Underneath that smarmy mustache, there was just the smallest hint of regret, but it vanished the moment Flam realized he was being watched and put his normal eager expression back on.

“So, I will see you this evening.” Using his magic, Flam waved his hat and gave a short bow. “Until then, Miss Applejack. I’m looking forward to the traditional search.”

“You would,” she grumbled before turning and trotting back to the farm and her afternoon chores.

Still, while Applejack worked for the rest of the day, she could not help but wonder just how a mustache would feel in a kiss.

* ♥ *

Dawn found the Apple family, both the original branches and the questionable twigs, working just as hard as possible getting out the equipment and preparing the apple baskets. It took away all of Applejack’s thoughts about an itchy upper lip, much as she had dreamed last night and durned if she wasn’t gonna give Princess Luna heck for that the next time she dropped by Ponyville.

Thankfully, neither of the princesses was in line this morning, but all of Applejack’s friends were pitching in and helping with the process, and things were looking pretty good…

...until Flim and Flam wheeled a large machine out of the barn and over next to the cider press.

“Before you say anything,” started Flim.

“Just let us have one fair shake,” continued Flam.

Apple Sprout just giggled and blew a spit bubble.

“We took all of the lessons we learned after our minor… problem in Appleloosa and Dodge Junction, and put together a device without attempting to overdo it like we did there.” Flim patted the conveyer belt of the fairly large machine, which did look a lot simpler than the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000, and about a fifth the size of the mechanical monstrosity from Appleloosa.

“Runs on unicorn magic or with this treadmill,” said Flam. “The apples come down that chute and through a series of inspection devices to sort them into various grades, from the sticks and twigs over at that end, to pure cider squeezing apples at this end. And,” he added with a mark of pride, “the quality control on this device cannot be turned off.”

Ever so slowly, all eyes turned to Applejack.

She wanted to shout at them, to scream until her throat hurt and kick the two dishonest unicorns down the road for as long as she could stand their corrupt stench. The angry words she had heard from Marian echoed in her head, but on the other side, she could still see Princess Luna, who had betrayed all of Equestria and still been accepted back by her sister without reservation.

“Set it up,” she growled. “We’ll see how it works. An’ both Granny and Rarity will be checking every apple that comes off the end before it goes into the cider press.”

* ♥ *

To Applejack’s mixed displeasure, it went fairly well.

That’s not to say everything about cider day was perfect, but with her friends helping and both of the scheming unicorns too busy working to scheme, they managed to keep the line of Ponyville townsfolk moving faster than it had in years. Even Applejack’s keen sense of taste could not pick out any differences in this year’s liquid crop. It was a comforting time of happiness, family, and friends that even managed to block out most of the irritation she was trying not to direct at the bothersome brothers, and the sun fairly dashed across the sky to the sounds of drinking ponies and clinking bits in the cash drawer.

By the time the sun had almost touched the horizon, some internal clock seemed to click in everypony in the vicinity. Most of the customers said their goodbyes, and with the extra assistance of friends and neighbors, they got all of the equipment dragged back to the barn for washing up before the moon rose.

“I’ve never worked so hard in my life,” said Pinkie Pie, who had draped herself across a fence and was waving gently in the evening breeze.

“My legs hurt,” moaned Flam, who had been taking turns on the cider press treadmill. “My tail hurts, and my mustache hurts. How can a mustache hurt?”

“How much can my hooves hurt?” groaned Rainbow Dash. “I must have run half the day on that treadmill. Big Mac never even stopped. But it’s worth it.” She sprawled out on her back with both wings spread out and used a straw to sip from the full mug resting on her chest. “So much cider…”

Flim, who had the excuse of carrying his daughter part of the day, said nothing. To Applejack’s critical eye, he had the look of somepony hiding a terrible secret, but that could be excused by his base nature and his attention to a loose diaper. Still, from what Twilight had mentioned about overusing magic, he must have been going through one humdinger of a headache with as much magical lifting and carrying as he had done today due to filling in for the work a certain grass-seed-forgetting pony had avoided by ‘forgetting’ to show up like he promised.

Now that the work was over for the day, Applejack had to say something about Flim and Flam’s apple sorter, but she was struggling to hold back her natural tendencies. Granny always said the Apple temper came with the family just like seeds, and that since Big Mac didn’t get none of it, she got a whole heaping pile of it instead. Every single seed of that anger inside just itched to be let out on those two scallywags, and if it weren’t for her friends, her neighbors, and that adorable unicorn foal, Applejack would have unloaded on them.

She swallowed, looked at the infernal machine, and confronted the giant blank sheet of emptiness that floated up in her mind instead of words. Thankfully, or more unthankfully, her neighbor Golden Harvest spoke first.

“That’s a pretty fine machine there, Applejack. You mind if I borrow it this fall for my carrot harvest? Separating and grading them has always been the hardest part.”

“Why of cour—” Flam stopped and looked over at Applejack, then slowly sat back down and nodded. “I wouldn’t want to speak for Miss Applejack.”

“Ain’t stopped you yet,” growled Applejack. She took a deep breath to cool her temper down to something more like a simmer. “Ah think it’d work, but these two numbskulls need to do a few tweaks to the gadget first.” She indicated the dozen apples set to one side which Granny Smith had rejected out of the final sorting before the rest had gone into the cider press.

“It could be a minor calibration error,” suggested Flim with less of a predatory purr to his voice than Applejack expected. “I really don’t see anything different about these than the rest of them.”

“Eat one,” said Applejack.

Like the good neighbor and friend she was, Golden Harvest took the foal that Flim floated over to her and cooed over Sprout like she was one of her own. Freed of his burden for the moment, Flim floated the apple in question over to himself, examined it in great detail, then took a bite.

Then a second, and a third, until the apple was half-gone and he passed it over to his brother, who repeated the sampling exercise.

“It’s ripe,” admitted Flam with a puzzled frown.

“But not quite right for cider,” said Flim, duplicating his brother’s expression almost perfectly.

“It’s too red.” Applejack picked up one of the apples from the reject pile and pointed to the fine pattern between the red skin and the paler underneath. “It were probably cider-ripe a week ago, but now it’s just enough over the edge to be an eatin’ apple.”

Big Mac spoke up. “Or cobbler.”

Flam continued to look considerably baffled. “It’s amazing. I never would have been able to taste the difference before.”

“Maybe you’re an Apple after all,” suggested Apple Bloom, who to that point had been blessedly silent.

“Bite your tongue,” said Applejack.

* ♥ *

After hustling the rest of the crowd over to the house for dinner and a shower, not necessarily in that order, Applejack went over to where Twilight was examining the machine. She had taken one of the covers off to expose a line of sparkling circuitry, and seemed almost oblivious to the outside world until Applejack spoke.

“What’s the matter, sugarcube?”

Twilight stopped examining the device in order to take a quick look around the empty farmyard, then promptly went back to her intense inspection. “I didn’t want to say anything earlier, but the serial number on this thaumaturgic inverter matches the one from the bigger machine in Appleloosa.”

Applejack was stunned. “No, can’t be. That one’s still back in the warehouse. Them two unicorns from the city done gone and put it back in after…” She took a long breath to avoid growling at her friend. “Them varmints.”

Twilight Sparkle did not show any signs of noticing Applejack’s outburst while she continued to work her way down an exposed crystalline board with her nose almost pressed against the part. “This custom bit of thaumaturgical circuit here matches one on the original machine, and this one here. There’s no real doubt. These are parts from their other machine we saw in Appleloosa, but reconfigured.” She paused to straighten up and look at the machine as a whole. “It seems to work pretty well, too. The entire day and it only missed twelve apples.”

“They had to have snuck it onto a freight car while we was over at the library,” grumbled Applejack, looking over her shoulder at the barn. “And hid it inside mah own barn right under mah nose.”

“It needs some cleanup work and standardization,” continued Twilight, “but it could be mass produced.”

Lowering her voice to a fierce grumble, Applejack said, “Ah should have listened to Golden Harvest when she was talking about playin’ with Sprout that day. Them two snakes must have conned her into watching the foal while they was off stealing the evidence against them.”

“There are a few equipment companies who could license the patent,” said Twilight while putting the cover back over the circuit she had been examining. “Well, once they get it patented.”

“They can con the ponies in Appleloosa, Dodge Junction, and Ponyville at the same time this way.” Applejack restrained herself from bucking a hole in the apple sorter. “Blasted varmints.”

“The fees could bring in enough money to pay off the investors, and maybe even bring in a profit,” said Twilight while fiddling with a stubborn catch to the equipment cover.

Applejack stopped. “What?”

Twilight Sparkle turned away from the machine to look at Applejack. “I said their apple-sorting machine could wind up paying back the investors in both Appleloosa and Dodge Junction. It could help make up for their crime.”

“How can you say that?” Applejack fought to keep from shouting at her friend and was only partially successful. “They done ripped off mah relatives in Appleloosa, then used my trust to steal away the evidence against them and put the pieces back together for whatever their low-down scheme is now! It’s a scam, Twilight. If’n those two are behind it, they mean to use it to cheat and steal from innocent ponies.”

Twilight Sparkle started to respond, then glanced past her at the moon which had just risen over the horizon while they were talking. “You’re tired and angry, Applejack. Why don’t we go get something to eat and some sleep, then we can talk about this tomorrow.”

“That won’t change the facts. They lied, Twilight. They lied to the ponies of Appleloosa and Dodge Junction, and they lied to me. How am I supposed to be the Element of Honesty if I let those two liars get away with this?”

Twilight did not respond at first, but Applejack could see the image of the newly risen moon reflected in her eyes. “Luna betrayed her own sister, attacked her, and was banished to the moon for a thousand years, but when she returned, Celestia forgave her. She accepted her sister back into her life and they both accepted each other, betrayer and betrayed. We’re not perfect ponies. We have to forgive each other for the wrongs we do, or we all would accumulate a crushing burden. Forgiveness is just as much of an Element of Harmony as any of them, yours and mine included.”

Cutting her first profanity down to a quiet ‘harrumph,’ Applejack took a few breaths to calm down before responding. “Forgiveness don’t matter to them two. It’s just another weakness for them to exploit and hurt other ponies harder the second time.”

After staring at the moon for a while longer, Twilight slowly shook her head. “So what has Apple Sprout done? Is her father’s crime so evil that it makes the foal evil too? Should we take away her father to punish her for something she hasn’t done?”

Twi had a way of cutting straight to the root of the matter and exposing the truth that made Applejack wince. “Ah don’t know. Mah pappy done told me that bein’ an Apple was in my blood, an’ that made us good right down to the core. Ah don’t want it to work the other way. Apple Sprout is just like a sweet little apple bud.”

“So you want to punish Flim, who seems to be trying to make up for his crime, by locking him away from the child he loves?”

“No!” Applejack scowled and looked down at the ground, the good, solid, trustworthy ground that the Apple family had relied on for many years. “Ah don’t know.”

“You want to protect Apple Sprout. I can understand that. She’s young and helpless, and needs a big, strong pony to protect her,” said Twilight. “Someday, that bud will grow into a big, beautiful Apple just as strong and protective as you are. But I have to ask. Are you being protective, or selfish? Are you wanting to send Flim and Flam to prison so you can keep Apple Sprout for yourself?”

Staring at the dirt for a while did not give Applejack any answers, or at least none that she wanted to accept. Instead, she turned for the house. “Come on in and let’s get some grub, Twi. It’ll make more sense in the morning.”

Author's Note

More notes from the editors:
The line 'Bits is bits'
Tek: I take it Equestria has never had a case of someone counterfeiting bits
Me: Well, after Celestia turned the first counterfeiter into finely ground ash and puts just a few specks into each coin, the rest of them decided to take up the tuba.

The line about after Luna came back, her sister accepted her 'without reservation'
Tek: or a strip search, though a firm rule on "stay out of my cake stash" was left unsaid :)
Me: Darnit, now I want to do a story where Luna comes back to Canterlot and Celestia makes her go through a metal detector, fill out a job application for Princess, rent a room in the castle "Now here we have an excellent one bedroom with study fixer-upper" Celestia opened the door and paused. There was no room on the other side of the doorway, just a few loose stones remaining from the immense pile of rubble in the courtyard below. "Or maybe you'd like to look into something furnished?"
Tek: Either that or a short of the sisters meeting with a real estate agent who
convinces them to purchase Canterlot or Equestria as a whole
Me: Don't worry, Luna. You can sleep on my couch for a few weeks until your first check for princessing comes in...

7. Compassion and Confessions

Flim, Flam, and the Little Lost Apple Scam
Compassion and Confessions

Morning, as defined by Princess Luna and Princess Celestia, was many hours from now.

Morning, as defined by Apple Sprout, was now.

Morning, as defined by Applejack, was not coming around nearly as quick as she wanted, and after catching Sprout crawling out of the bassinet and heading for freedom for the uncounted time, she decided it was time for another Apple tradition.

The Long Quiet Walk in the Nighttime Orchard to Calm Wriggly Little Foals.

Despite the darkness inside the old farmhouse, Rarity’s modifications to the foal carrier made it easy to slip Apple Sprout inside and up onto Applejack’s back afterward, even though the unwilling passenger expressed her preferences for a brisk game of chase instead. The foal did calm down once Applejack started moving, and by the time the two of them were outside in the beautiful night among the moonlit apple trees, Sprout had stopped her incessant wriggling in exchange for just looking around and marveling at her shadowed surroundings.

Applejack had to admit she was getting as much out of the walk as Sprout. The blatant way those two worthless unicorns had pulled the hat right down over her eyes irked her, and the way her own friend turned Applejack’s words back against her only made it worse. Some time alone… well, not quite alone with the trees and the family was just what the doctor would have ordered, if Applejack had anything to say about it. The comforting feeling of family that filled her heart during the walk was much the same as her first memories of when Applejack had been walked by her mother, and when she in turn had to walk Apple Bloom after their parents’ passing.

There was something loving about the night air under the trees, filled with the scent of wood and growing leaves from the sleeping orchard, that got into the lungs and the chest during each step. It calmed her frequently irate temper just as well as bringing a sliver of peace to her during troubled times now as well as back then. As long as the trees were there, all was right with the world, even during the difficulties she had with the unexpected passing of her parents. When it was her turn to take the responsibility for her precious baby sister, Applejack would walk through the dark orchard far longer than she needed to with Apple Bloom drooling on her back and dreaming foal dreams, most likely of getting her cutie mark.

Tonight, it was just as dark as ever with deceptive shadows beneath the cover of the trees, but Applejack could walk through the familiar orchard with her eyes closed if she had to. It gave her the missing peace that she was needing something fierce, and an unexplained urge to go visit her parents so she could introduce them to the newest little Apple from Marian, even if she wasn’t Applejack’s own.

The quiet clearing where her parents and various relatives now rested from their labors was not that far away from the house, just a few short ambling minutes in the moonlight-speckled darkness. Her hooves could have found it all by themselves with as many times as Applejack had stopped to exchange a word or two with Ma or Pa during particularly trying times. But tonight, even that respite was denied to her when Applejack emerged from under the trees. What she saw would have made her shout loud enough to wake up her entire family if not for Apple Sprout slumbering on her back.

One of the two yellow unicorn brothers was just lying in the middle of a pool of moonlight, sobbing quietly into the short grass. He did not seem to notice Applejack’s arrival at all, or the fuming silence she carried with her. She kept expecting for the frozen tableau to be interrupted by some sort of singing advertisement for a deceptive product or a plug for monetary contributions, but the longer she stood there, the less changed.

Torn between anger and curiosity, Applejack stood in the shadows of the trees for a long time, just watching the unicorn and remaining silent. If this was some sort of scheme to con money out of other ponies or betray Applejack more than she already had been, it was a durned strange way to go about it. She was just about ready to return home so the brother could be alone with his scheme, if not for the abrupt hiccup and sleepy yawn from Apple Sprout.

Flim looked up abruptly, frantically attempting to wipe away his tears while calling out in a harsh whisper, “Who’s there? Flam, is that you?”

“No, it ain’t.” Applejack emerged out into the moonlight and tried to put on her best firm face, which was made more difficult by the red eyes and the soggy tear trails down the face of her unwelcome guest.

“Oh! Miss Applejack.” Flim took off his hat while scrambling to his hooves and bent down in a short bow. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you is.” She hesitated a moment at the sight of the normally prim and proper unicorn looking so dejected and frazzled, then instead of chasing him back to the barn like her every instinct was telling her, added, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothi—” Flim cut off abruptly when Apple Sprout, who must have heard his voice, gave out a wordless coo and stretched out her forelegs as if waiting to be picked up by her father. The young unicorn stallion just froze while looking at his daughter. Then, ever so slowly, the false mask of normality he was attempting to project shattered into pieces, and with a noise much like a falling tree, he fell right down on the grass again, curled up into a ball, and began to bawl like an injured foal.

* ♥ *

Applejack had never been very good with tears, particularly with older ponies who should have outgrown such foolishness when they were younger. She preferred to keep her tears on the inside, but dealing with the crying adult unicorn and trying to keep the infant unicorn from crying along with her father was taxing her tired nerves to the breaking point. What was worse, the source of Flim’s tears seemed to be the frightened foal, who was terribly confused about how she was causing all the fuss, and in the way that foals do, was reacting by crying, of course.

In the end, she managed to get little Sprout curled up in the crook of one leg while Flim sat just a short distance away, staring at the ground and still quivering with the occasional muted sob. Applejack murmured quietly to Sprout and rocked her until she started to breathe slowly and drift back to sleep, then whispered to the despondent unicorn.

“You gonna tell me what’s goin’ on?” She lowered her voice. “If you’ve done something to hurt your daughter, I’m gonna skin you alive.”

At first, Flim just shook his head. Then, after nearly a minute of rigid inactivity, he began to slowly nod.

“She’s not my daughter.”

Applejack’s breath caught in her throat. From where she was sitting, it would only take one quick motion to kick the lying scoundrel in the back of the head. She probably could do it even without waking up the foal, and even if she accidentally kicked him a mite hard…

The comforting warmth of Apple Sprout nestled against her chest made her take a deep breath instead, and once it came back out, it was formed into a quiet, “Talk. And make it good.”

“Apple Sprout isn’t my daughter.” He turned just enough to look at the foal out of the corner of his eye and lit up his horn with a dim green glimmer. A small pearlescent bead of light floated free from his magic, matched by a tiny green dot from the sleeping foal, and when they met, the two dots swirled around each other without mixing until the spell faded away.

“The Parenting Pair-Up Spell,” he explained. “My real daughter must have been in another orphanage outside of Appleloosa somewhere. She must be adopted by now. I didn’t even try to find her. Whoever adopted her will do a better job of rearing her than we would.”

“Ah see,” whispered Applejack once she was sure no more words were going to be squeezed out of the lying scoundrel without some of her own.

“No, you don’t.” The stallion took a shuddering breath and looked away. “I don’t deserve to be a father, and no daughter deserves me as one. After I found out Marian had given up our child… I was angry. At her. At me. At my own brother. All I could think of was that infernal machine trapped in Appleloosa, just as much a foal of ours as… whatever name my daughter has now.”

Flim looked away into the orchard. “I had a plan. Part of a plan, at least. We needed a lever to get our machine out of Appleloosa, and with you being trusted there…”

“Ah’m a lever,” said Applejack, levelly.

“Apple Sprout was our lever,” explained Flim in what was beginning to sound like a confession, but still had none of the pride that either of the brothers tended to use when describing even the worst of their schemes. “You were to be our tool. A patsy by proxy, because you were a sucker for kinfolk, and we knew you would not turn us into the law if it would hurt your family. So I found an orphanage, faked the Parenting Pair-Up spell for the orphan matron, swore on my mother’s grave that Apple Sprout was mine.”

His shoulders hunched even further, and Flim stared at the dry stubby grass underneath him. “I lied to my brother. He could have done the Pair-Up spell and found out how badly I lied to him, but he trusted me. Just like you trusted me, Applejack.”

From the set of Flim’s shoulders, that was as much as he was going to say, even if Applejack were to beat him up like she wanted to. Both fury and disgust roared through her chest and made her ears ring with the urge, but she fought it down, particularly in this hallowed place. Instead, she thought.

She thought about the pool of moonlight they were both sitting in, and Princess Luna. Ma and Pa. The farm. And most of all, the tiny unicorn foal slumbering in the crook of her foreleg, just the same way she had slumbered in Ma and Pa’s embrace, and her Pa had slept while being held by Granny Smith. Apple Sprout was not kinfolk, but she had gotten attached to Applejack’s heart like the most perfect tree graft. She may not have been an Apple, but there were a durned lot of ponies who had joined the family tree and grown up tall and strong. In fact, half of Applejack was technically a Pear, from when Pear Butter had the fortune to fall for the tall and dashing Bright Mac. A short life at the farm but a full one, stuffed to the brim with joy and three beautiful children. Ma would not have hesitated for a moment to bring in another child, Apple or no Apple, because Pear had a heart as big as the entire orchard.

Sometimes when she thought about her mother, it made Applejack feel like a wobbly-kneed foal all over again.

“You loved her, didn’t you?” Applejack brushed a stray tuft of dry grass off Flim’s coat while the unicorn simply nodded. “You still love her. I can see it in your eyes. Your brother, the varmint, looks at me every time I go by like I’m some shiny bit or somethin’ precious he can steal, but you just look once and get that fuzzy expression like yer thinkin’ of somepony else.”

Flim hesitated, then nodded again.

“Look, I ain’t good at this mushy emotional stuff. Truth is, all I really want to do now is kick you and your varmint brother’s behind all the way over the horizon. It ain’t that you two lied to me. Heck, I’m getting kinda used to it. Shocks me senseless whenever either of you comes out and tells the truth, really.” Applejack boosted the sleeping Apple Sprout over closer to her not-father. “So what if she ain’t yours. If’n she was, you’d be a good papa to her, right?”

“No.” Flim’s voice was barely over a whisper, and he looked away.

“Say what?” Applejack nudged the reluctant unicorn with one hoof. “You can’t just say nuttin’ like that and not explain yourself.”

Flim still did not look back at her, but he raised his voice just enough for Applejack to hear. “Even if she were really mine, she wouldn't really be all mine now, would she? She’d be part of Marian and part of myself, and I’d be betraying that wonderful mare by raising up her daughter to be a dishonest salespony like ourselves. Since Apple Sprout isn’t mine or hers, she’s got a much better future ahead with you. Provided you’ll take her in, that is.”

“Well I’ll be,” said Applejack after a long, long pause. “Mebbie you ain’t such a rotten apple as you think.”

“No, lovely mare.” Flim slowly shook his head, still looking away. “On that, you’re quite correct. We’re not even Apples.”

“Like heck you ain’t.” She took two steps over to a familiar stone in the moonlit shadow of a nearby apple tree. “This here’s mah granpappy’s resting spot, an’ here’s Ma and Pa right beside him. Got a couple of grand-uncles over there, an’ some cousins here and there. Reckon that’s why I was headed here tonight, an’ why you did too. When you’re hurtin’, you go back to your roots, to be with family, and this is the closest you’ve got to family around here.”

Apparently he was as hard-headed as an Apple too, because Flim just kept looking off into the orchard as if he had not heard a single word she had said. It was going to take more than words to get through to him, so Applejack spit onto one hoof and began to vigorously rub it against his apple-shaped cutie mark. Flim recoiled with a startled, wide-eyed expression.

“Hey!”

“Hey yourself,” said Applejack, holding up her hoof. “It don’t rub off, so you sure look like an Apple to me.” It only made it more obvious that she was not like the other Bearers. Pinkie Pie would have had him in stitches. So would Rainbow Dash, but real stitches, as well as a few broken limbs.

“Family is more than just blood,” said Flim, touching one hoof to his chest. “Family runs far deeper into the heart where it hurts the most. Apples don’t hurt anypony, while I hurt both you and my brother with my words.”

“Your lies, you mean,” said Applejack. “Heck, I’ve lied before too, just ain’t no good at it and it always comes back to bite me on the rump.”

“Some of us live our lies,” said Flim. “You don’t. It doesn’t really matter now. I’ve told you, and you’re going to tell Princess Sparkle. I spotted her looking over our machine last night. She went right to the parts I was afraid she was going to. She knows our apple sorter used parts out of the machine we stole from Appleloosa, and even if she’s willing to overlook that, she’s certainly not going to overlook me stealing a foal.”

“Eh.” Applejack considered the problem and came to much the same conclusion. “Yeah.”

“Then this is goodbye.” Flim turned in the direction of the barn, although mostly she suspected the motion was to avoid looking at Apple Sprout. “We’ll be leaving before sunrise. It’s better that way.”

“Lots of practice, I suppose.” Applejack’s heart sank further when Flim just nodded without responding. She considered what Marian said before they left Appleloosa, but decided not to pass that along and make him feel worse. “Look, I figure we can spot you a few bits for the trip.”

“Save it for the ponies we cheated,” said Flim. “We’ve got a cache of bits stashed in the bottom of the wagon for emergencies.”

Applejack bristled. “You mean you done lied about that too?” It only took a breath to calm down, and she let it out in a long sigh. “Well, if’n I can’t give you no money, at least I can give you a head start. Ah won’t tell nopony until some time after sunup. And take along a bushel or two of apples for the road. No need for you two to go hungry.”

“Thank you.” Flim paused and added, “Cousin.” He turned back with the shadow of a welcome smile on his face, took a long look at the tiny sleeping unicorn, and forced his eyes upward to face Applejack. “I’ll leave the papers from the orphanage behind so you can get her adopted honestly. With a princess on your side, you shouldn’t have any trouble.”

“One thing Twi likes is her papers.” She took another glance at the sleeping foal. “Probably won’t by the time this is all over, but that’s okay.”

Flim nodded. “She may not be mine, but I want you to take good care of her. Raise her right so she’ll be an honest Apple, like the rest of your family.”

“Sure will.” Applejack nodded back. “An’ you two be careful out there. Lots of crooks and no-goods wandering around.”

There was a faint glint of familiar larceny in Flim’s eyes when he wrinkled up his nose and gave her a peculiar smile. “We’ll take ’em for every half-bit they own.” Even that wan smile faded into a forced look of calm. “Good night, Applejack.”

“Good night.” Applejack paused and gave him a small smile back. “Scoundrel.”

Flim moved cautiously over to the foal carrier and kissed the sleeping foal, then gave Applejack a gentle kiss on the cheek. After a brief awkward pause, they parted ways, each going back to their own building in the dark.

The walk back to the house passed far too swiftly, and before Applejack could even put a single thought together, she was climbing the stairs back to her own bedroom. At least the walk tired out the wriggling foal, leaving Sprout snoring her cute teakettle whistle when Applejack tucked her into the bassinet beside the bed.

It was a strange sensation to know the foal she had grown to love was not from genuine Apple stock, but it really did not bother Applejack one whit. She was still the cute and mischievous little unicorn from before, just as much cared for and appreciated as Applejack could possibly feel in her own heart, much the same as she could remember her own mother cooing over a basket of joy with Apple Bloom.

Still, there was something missing from tonight. If only there had been a way to have gotten honest smiles out of both of the troublemaking varmints before they left.

Oh, well. They’ll be gone in the morning and life can get back to its new value of normal.

8. Clear Title

Flim, Flam, and the Little Lost Apple Scam
Clear Title

The next morning did not dawn as bright as Applejack expected, even though her normal day started before the dawn and the only light she had until then was the old lantern she had used since forever. It too was a ‘family thing’ with toothmarks in the handle dating back to various great- and grand- relatives and the parts replaced with other family artifacts or pieces of wire until it was quite probable it contained not a single speck of metal from the original purchase, however many years ago that was. Still, it lit her way the same as it had for generations past, and most likely would continue to do its job when Apple Sprout had a family of her own.

Everything in her morning routine now revolved around the foal who would someday use that same lantern. It took a quick dash into the bathroom before Apple Sprout woke up all the way, and a dart back into her bedroom to catch the waking troublemaker before she could escape from the bassinet. Then diapers and formula mixed with breakfast makings and work planning while Big Mac and Apple Bloom made their way into the kitchen, followed by Granny Smith in a slow hobble with considerable yawning and a perpetual search for where she put her teeth down last night.

“Do you want me to go get the brothers afore we eat?” asked Apple Bloom, who was helping mop up the drips and splatters of formula from around Apple Sprout’s high chair. It struck a sharp pain in Applejack’s heart, because she could remember back when Ma and Pa had died and Applejack had been in that exact same position, cleaning up after her baby sister before the work day began. Even though Apple Sprout wasn’t kin, she was in the heart, and the words of that infuriating brother kept repeating through her head this morning.

Family is more than just blood. Family runs far deeper into the heart where it hurts the most.

Now the little foal was going to be missing the only father she had known, and Applejack could not help but feel as if it was her fault as much as that lying scoundrel. Would living the lie have been so bad? Both of the brothers had been working just as hard as any Apple, heck, harder than some which Applejack would not care to name unless they forgot the grass seed during Winter Wrap Up again. Being so close to the Apple family had even changed their behavior to something a tiny bit more honest, although the heart-felt confession from Flim last night was the last thing Applejack had expected from either of the lying scallywags.

“Ah’m afraid they won’t be eatin’ with us no more,” said Applejack, wondering why the words tasted like ashes in her mouth. “They done took off last night, and probably won’t never be back.”

“Why?” Apple Bloom’s confused face reminded Applejack too much of the face that looked back out of her own mirror after Pa had passed away. She was looking for answers to questions even older ponies would prefer not to face. At least Apple Sprout was too young to remember much of this once she grew up. Losing a parent, even one who weren’t much of one, like Flim, was too much heartache for one heart to bear alone.

“Turns out Flim ain’t Apple Sprout’s real papa.” Applejack set her jaw and tried not to blink away unwanted tears. “They done stole her from an orphanage and lied about it in order for us to protect them. But it don’t matter none to me. She’s still gonna be one of our family anyway. Soon as we get done with breakfast, I’m gonna go up and talk with Twi about it. See if’n we can adopt her. Seems the right thing to do and all.”

“Really?” Apple Bloom cheered up, but not back to her normal bouncy self, more like a mixture of happy and sad all at once. “It’s gonna be cool to be a big sister of sorts, but I’ll miss those two. They’re real good with their numbers and math.”

Applejack raised one eyebrow. “Ah suppose them varmints were doin’ yer homework for a few bits each?”

“Well…” Apple Bloom squirmed. “At first. Then Mister Flam caught us and gave all the bits back. They still kept helpin’ us out with our math homework, and Scootaloo even got to help calibrate their apple sortin’ machine while we ran apples through it to test—”

“You knew about their apple sorter?” snapped Applejack. “An’ you didn’t tell nobody?”

Now Apple Bloom squirmed more than if she was standing on an anthill. “Mister Flam said it was going to be a surprise, and since he’s kinda sweet on you—”

“He wasn’t sweet on me!” exploded Applejack, although she immediately lowered her voice in order not to disturb Apple Sprout, who was looking up at her with those dangerous green eyes, so much like her not-uncle.

“Enope,” said Big Mac while buttering a slice of toast. “Just ’cause you used any excuse to go into town and check up on him at the apple stand, an’ run your hooves all over him when he got back to the farm—”

“I was checking to see if he was skimming any of the bits from the sales,” fumed Applejack.

“What’s all the racket about?” asked Granny Smith, who was making her slow way to the table.

“Just—” Big Mac took a look at his sister’s face and promptly closed his mouth.

Apple Bloom, who had substantially less life experience, did not catch on nearly as fast. “We’re talkin’ about Applejack’s coltfriend.”

“Oooo,” purred the old mare. “That handsome young stallion with the fuzzy mustache like yer Pa used to have?”

“Ah’m going to see Twi,” snapped Applejack, boosting the happy foal up out of her high chair and into the carrier in one smooth motion, then leaving the house at a brisk trot which could have been mistaken for a gallop by some observer who did not know better.

* ♥ *

It was several hours later by the time Applejack returned to the farm with Twilight Sparkle trotting along by her side. Admittedly, one of those hours she had spent walking around town with Apple Sprout, cooling her temper before going to see her friend, but it was time well spent, and she nearly had her positive mental attitude back just the way it was supposed to be.

It did not last long.

The skeletal remains of the machine from Appleloosa had been dragged out of the barn, much like a mechanical corpse subjected to a ravaging by wolves and disemboweled. The much smaller mechanical sorter sat beside it, like a grieving foal beside the corpse of its mother.

And standing next to them were the two jackals that Applejack thought for sure would be miles away by now.

“Them two-timing, low-down, hornswoggling, dishonest—”

“I thought you said the Flim-Flam brothers had left,” said Twilight, cutting off Applejack’s quiet muttering.

“Figgers they’d make a liar out of me too,” growled Applejack.

The farm yard was empty of ponies other than the brothers, although there had been a brief flash of red going behind the barn which was most likely Big Mac dragging Apple Bloom out of range from the upcoming explosions and fire. Both Flim and Flam stood in front of the apple sorter, hats off and sorrowful expressions on, apparently waiting on judgement and sentencing.

“Are we… uh… going to talk to them?” asked Twilight, who had stopped at the farmyard gates when Applejack had stopped.

“Ah’m thinkin.”

She was thinking about violence, but with Apple Sprout on her back and Twilight Sparkle within sight, it did not seem like a very practical thought. The brothers’ wagon looked to be in good repair, so they had not broken down on their way out of a pre-dawn escape, and the apple sorter was on wheels, so there was nothing keeping them from making off with it too. In fact, there did not seem to be any reason why the two lying scoundrels were still on her property instead of amscraying with it. That left…

“We’re gonna talk with ’em,” said Applejack. “And if’n you think either of ’em is lying, even once, I’ll drag ’em both up to the Ponyville Jail and throw ’em behind bars until they can be hauled away to prison. Just once. That’s all it’ll take.”

* ♥ *

“Hello, Flim. Flam.” Applejack felt no inclination to smile while looking at the two dejected brothers.

“Hello, Applejack. Princess Sparkle.” Flam was at least talking like an honest pony. Applejack had expected him to throw himself down on the ground and whimper for mercy in front of Twilight’s hooves, but instead, he kept his head down and his hat held to his chest with one hoof in a model pose of submission. “I would like to start by apologizing for both my brother and myself. I did not realize my brother had lied to me about Apple Sprout not being his daughter, although that does not excuse either of us for our scheme to use her to deceive your friend, Applejack. We are both very and honestly sorry.”

Obviously uncomfortable at being in the position of an apology sandwich between Applejack and the brothers, Twilight Sparkle nodded. “You realize there are criminal penalties involved here, and that just being sorry is not going to make up for… whatever you did to get Apple Sprout out of the orphanage, right?”

“Of course.” Flam sniffed ever so slightly, which Applejack would have taken as a ploy for sympathy except for the obvious signs of previously shed tears on his cheeks. “I believe you are talking about criminal conspiracy, forgery, and the use of a minor in a crime, all of which are serious felonies. As Flim’s brother, I was fully involved, and insist that I receive whatever punishment he receives.”

“We’ll come back to that,” said Twilight, turning to Flim. “From talking to Applejack, it is my understanding that you located Apple Sprout at an orphanage in the Dodge Junction area after finding out Marian had a foal and gave her up for adoption, and while still distraught over events, lied to the matron of the orphanage, forged the results of the Parenting Pair-Up spell, and then brought her to Ponyville. Is that correct?”

Flim nodded, although he continued to look down at the dried grass of the farm yard.

“And that you or your brother did not mistreat the foal, or act in any way that could have possibly brought harm to her while bringing Apple Sprout here, where it was your intention to have her adopted by the Apple family, right?”

Flim nodded again, somewhat more rapidly.

“What if they had refused?” Twilight Sparkle remained looking straight at Flim even as his head jerked up and he looked back. “What if you brought this cute little filly all the way to Sweet Apple Acres and the Apple family threw you three out? What would you have done with her then?”

“I…” Flim swallowed and his eyes tracked over to Apple Sprout, who was happily waving back from the foal carrier. “I don’t know. I thought about keeping her, but our lives are so erratic with traveling and sales—”

Applejack so wanted to add, “And schemes,” but kept her mouth shut instead.

“—that we couldn’t possibly raise a foal by ourselves.” Flim swallowed again and looked away from Apple Sprout.

“I see.” The corners of Twilight’s lips drew up in a motion that Applejack had learned meant she was thinking something really Twilighty. “Would you have abandoned her by the side of the road somewh—”

“No!” Flim had a look of wide-eyed panic and some anger, but he calmed down rapidly and added the same thing Applejack wanted to say. “How could you think such a thing? She’s an innocent foal!”

“We’re not monsters,” said Flam with a fierce frown. “I would have thought you could have seen that by our behavior over the last few weeks. In the event that the Apple family had not reacted positively to our request, we would have…” Now it was Flam’s turn to pause as he ran out of words, but after looking around at the other ponies who were not speaking up, he continued.

“We would have found another loving family or taken her to an orphanage,” Flam said reluctantly. “Both options which are nowhere nearly as satisfactory as seeing her raised by Miss Applejack. She may not be my brother’s daughter or Miss Marian’s, but she deserves to have the best family a foal could have.”

“Very well,” said Twilight. “I believe you. Applejack?”

It took a few moments for Applejack to respond, but after due consideration, she gave a brief nod.

“Good.” Twilight turned back to Flim. “If you could have found your biological daughter, would you have done the same thing? Lied to get her out of the orphanage, lied to your brother, lied to me, and lied to my friend in order to get her adopted by Applejack? Lied to everypony in Equestria if need be, just to see her raised by a loving family?”

Flim opened his mouth to respond, paused for a moment, then closed his mouth and nodded.

“Did you ever consider just telling the truth?” asked Twilight.

“There’s only one truth,” said Flim in a near-whisper. “A lie can be whatever you tell it to be. If I told the truth to the orphanage, they never would have let me take Apple Sprout. My brother would never have agreed to come here. Our machine would still be in that dusty warehouse, rotting away. And this—” Flim touched the apple sorter almost reverently with one hoof “—would never have existed. All good things that truth would have prevented, but I just… couldn’t keep lying to myself anymore. I had to tell Applejack.”

“But you’re still here,” said Twilight Sparkle.

“Not willingly.” Flim turned and looked at his brother. “After I told him the truth about Apple Sprout, he wouldn’t leave.”

“The apple sorter, as it is now, is nearly useless for making up for our previous scheme,” said Flam, looking intensely uncomfortable. “There are still the defrauded investors in Appleloosa and Dodge Junction, after all. We need to make some minor tweaks, finalize the design, write it up as something patentable, and sell the plans to a major manufacturer in order for it to develop a revenue stream and pay them off. There’s no way we could do that on the road, but if we fled and left you with this machine, as is, it would only be usable around the farm for a year or two until a part failed or wore out. The investors would still be out their investment, and the good name of the Apple family would be dragged through the mud by our actions. The only way to do what is right is to stay and finish the job.”

“If’n you get all that done, you’d just leave?” asked Applejack.

After a quick glance at Twilight, Flam nodded. “Provided we are not in prison.”

In the resulting silence, Applejack turned to her friend. “Twi, what do you think?”

“It’s your farm. They’re your guests. I think it depends on what you think.” Twilight sounded far more pensive and thoughtful than Applejack expected, which was good, because Applejack found herself less and less wanting to haul the two no-good nitwits over to the Ponyville jail. And durned if they didn’t have a perfectly good reason for staying, even if there was probably some underhoofed scheme hiding in the weeds somewhere.

“Ah’m gonna regret this. Heck, I already do,” grumbled Applejack. “Fine, but I got a couple of cave-yets. First.”

She sat down and carefully extracted Apple Sprout out of the foal carrier, then began rummaging around in the side pocket. “Just b’cause you two ain’t kin to little Sprout here, don’t mean you get outta no chores. Here.” Applejack pulled a clean disposable diaper and the package of wipes out, then placed them to one side. “She’s more full of poo than the two of you put together, so I need a volunteer to change her.”

“I’ve got it,” said Twilight, floating the foal and associated materials over to the side. “Go on.”

“Second, you lied about keeping money back,” said Applejack, surreptitiously wiping one hoof against a nearby tuft of grass. “Ah wana see it. All of it, every last bit.”

“Here you go, ma’am.” Flam floated a small bag of bits over to Applejack, who looked into the bag, nodded, and pushed it back over to him.

“Good. You hang onto it, on account of there’s probably gonna be expenses in getting that there machine all tuned up and writ up for sale. Ah’ll want an accounting of every bit, all lined up like Big Mac does with the books, and he’ll be tracking every entry at the end of each week. If’n we have to dip into farm expenses to get your plans and patents all done up right, we will.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Both brothers looked slightly relieved, and Applejack decided to put more pressure on them on the same theory that heat and pressure could turn coal into diamonds, but only if applied with intense determination.

“Third, you done stole that big hunk of parts from Appleloosa under the nose of your investors from both towns. I’ma gonna write up… No, I’ll have Twilight write up this proposal about selling the apple sorter plans to an equipment manufacturer. If any of the investors, any single one of them, throw a fit about it or how you got the parts, the whole kit and kaboodle gets sold for scrap.”

“And we go to jail,” said Flam.

“Probably.” Applejack took a breath and shuffled more upwind of Sprout’s changing. “Fourth.” She paused. “Well, I ain’t got no fourth, but I’ll bet one comes along pretty darned soon.”

“I don’t understand,” said Flim, so quietly it was almost a whisper. “Why would you stick your neck out for us? After we lied to you and took advantage of your honesty?”

“Ah’m not too sure about that either,” said Applejack. “Ah suppose it’s because even scoundrels like you two deserve a fair shake. You stay here and do what you said, and I’ll eat every word I done said about you two over the last year. Heck, if you get the plans drawn up and we get ’em sold, I’ll have Pinkie bake all them words into a cake, an’ I’ll let you cut it.”

“Brings new meaning to eating your words,” said Flam, who might possibly have been smiling just a little under his shaggy mustache.

“Pinkie Pie brings new meaning to everything,” said Applejack. “Still, we gotta get it sold before we celebrate. I figure Kick Kormick and his bunch would be the best ones to approach first. We use scads of his widgets around the farm, an’ they’re pretty durned good.”

“Sounds like we’ve got a lot of work to do, Miss Applejack.” Flam put his hat back on and nodded politely. “I’m looking forward to the next few weeks.”

9. Time Off For Bad Behavior

Flim, Flam, and the Little Lost Apple Scam
Time Off For Bad Behavior

Time galloped forward as it always did on the farm, with the final weeks of apple harvesting winding down. There was a place for everything and everything in its place, all of which needed to be completed before First Snowfall. Having an extra pair of adult ponies around the farm made all the pieces of the yearly struggle fall into place much easier than Applejack expected, except for two problem pieces which stubbornly refused to go anywhere she expected.

Problems should have solutions. Apple trees needed bucking, hogs needed slopping, barns needed painting. Apple Sprout had Applejack. The Flim-Flam brothers had…

There was something deep in her heart that felt pleasure when Flim and Flam were struggling with putting down numbers on paper that had to match from one page to another. More, when Big Mac would just flip back a sheet or two and point during his weekly audits.

That tiny spark of pleasure in her heart almost made up for the pain that Flim showed in the presence of his not-daughter, a mix of sadness and joy while he was spoon feeding her tiny bites of mashed peas and applesauce, to the one time he had read Applejack’s copy of Rooty the Rootabaga to her for bedtime and fairly fled the house afterward while fighting back tears. Sprout seemed to know something was going on with him, and begged to be picked up or played with every time he was in the vicinity, with similarly mixed results of laughter or concealed sniffling.

It was not like Applejack wanted the two brothers to be unhappy.

Over the weeks that she had gotten to know them, Applejack had come to the realization that the full extent of Flim and Flam’s family was each other. They had no siblings, no parents that they would admit to, nothing but their siblings’ bonds to hold them together and their natural competitiveness to drive them apart. The introduction of Apple Sprout had bonded them in what could have grown into a tiny seed of a real family.

Then it had turned out to be a lie from Flim.

Finding Marian’s real foal would not undo that breaking of trust. Their little family of two had been three for a few precious weeks, but now had the potential of turning back into their old ways where it was just the two brothers against the world and let the pieces fall where they may. Having them at Sweet Apple Acres was a little like expecting a pear tree to grow apples if it had enough apple trees around it, and bringing Marian’s foal into the mix would just make a bad situation worse.

Even if it were possible to find and adopt the second foal, Applejack doubted she was able to care for two newborns after the apple sorter project was complete and the brothers inevitably left. It was nerve-wracking enough to talk with Twilight Sparkle, who was handling all of the paperwork involved in the adoption of Apple Sprout.

Her weekly visits to the castle for some tea with the princess and playtime for Sprout and Spike came with gentle reassurement from her friend. Twilight would sip her tea, looking so much like Celestia while saying that everything was going to turn out well, she had a good idea where Marian’s foal was, and she was being well taken care of. Even so, Applejack found herself wishing at times that the unnamed foal would be as elusive and difficult to pin down as her father.

Apple Sprout had no such worries. Her graft to the Apple family tree was going quite well, from the way she happily played with Apple Bloom, to the way Granny Smith had adjusted to the occasional floating toy, even to the relaxed fashion she would fall asleep on Big Mac’s broad back like he was some soft, fur-covered mattress.

It made Applejack think thoughts she really did not want to, like eventually caving in to her natural maternal nature. It was not too hard to imagine Mommy Applejack going out to find some handsome young stallion of her own in order to help raise Apple Sprout, and after sufficient time together had passed, making baby colts and fillies of their own. Her previous adamant position against becoming a mother was rather moot, after all, and there was nopony she could blame for her change of opinion other than herself.

And, of course, once the rodeo circuit started up again, Apple Sprout was going to take some explaining for any evening interactions she had with her fellow rodeo performers. “What happens at the rodeo, stays at the rodeo,” was almost a written rule, but she figured more than one handsome young farmpony would have the bejeebers scared out of them if she introduced them to Sprout with, “Remember last year when we was wrastling in the hayloft…”

Actually, that might be fun…

Most certainly, the old excuse about having always been too busy around the farm was not going to hold water any more whenever she was pestered about dating by her friends or Granny Smith. Getting serious about her long-term romantic planning was going to take a lot of getting used to if she was not going to be caught unaware.

Certainly, it would go better than what happened late one afternoon in the southmost field of the orchard.

* ♥ *

“Well, Miss Applejack, that’s the last dead tree down in this row.” Flam leaned up against a fallen apple tree and pushed his hat back on his sweaty head. Despite Rarity’s best efforts, he had maintained his familiar straw boater through his entire time at Sweet Apple Acres, although it had gradually gained small holes and a respectful coating of dirt until it was nearly a farmer’s hat. It had even stuck on his head while he put in his work on the cross-cut saw the two of them had been using, holding the grip in his jaws like a regular farm pony. “Looks like the work is just about done for this year.”

Applejack was unable to suppress a chuckle at the city pony who believed surviving a few months’ worth of country living automatically made him a country pony. “That’s what you think. Just because the apples are all out of the trees don’t mean the work will really slow until the snow gets thick. We’ve got most of the sortin’ to do yet, separating out the ripe apples for immediate sale before they spoil and the not quite ripe ones for storing or shippin’ out to all corners of Equestria while making applesauce and apple jam. Your sortin’ widget’ll take a lot out of that, but there’s lots of hard work left.” Applejack heaved a sigh. “Always is.”

“True.” Flam waggled his jaw, which was probably as sore as Applejack’s from their afternoon work with the cross-cut saw, culling out the old and dead apple trees. “You know, I didn’t realize how much work it was to make an honest bit.”

Applejack nodded. “More than makin’ a dishonest bit, that’s for sure. Twilight done said she talked to Kick Kormick, an’ he should be out himself in a couple days, since you two said you was ready to show off your widget.” She paused just to soak in the late sunlight and the smell of hard work and perspiration. She was not about to admit it, but as much as city ponies talked about some stallion ‘cleaning up well’ when they were making googly eyes at them, she much preferred seeing one covered in twigs and sweat. Not that she was looking.

Flam grunted in a noncommittal way, a bad habit that he had probably picked up from Big Mac.

“Thought you’d be happy,” said Applejack. “After all, some big machinery maker is wantn’ to buy your widget. That’s what you said you wanted to stay here for.” She paused and gave him a sideways glance, taking in the way he had picked up a few more muscles where they did the most good. “’Less you was lyin’ about that too, like your brother was about Apple Sprout bein’ his.”

Flam slowly took his hoof away from rubbing his face and put it back on the ground. “Yeah, I was.”

After a period of time where the lying scoundrel did not say anything else, Applejack huffed, “Well, don’t just leave me here like a turtle sitting on a fencepost. You two scamming brothers been about as dismal as a frog bog for the last couple of weeks. It ain’t like you’ve been cookin’ up some scheme, on account of you bein’ all happy and perky when you’re about to steal some widder’s last bit, so there’s gotta be somethin’ else in there. Ah know Flim was a wantin’ to leave after he done spilled the beans about Apple Sprout not bein’ his, and the two of you are still here, so you musta talked him out of it. What is it you’re so consarned stubborn about—”

“You.”

“Beg pardon?” Applejack looked directly at the scheming liar, who seemed to have found some portion of the ground fascinating instead of looking back with those dangerous green eyes as she wanted him to do.

“I’ve tried to do right by you, Miss Applejack. I’ve done everything you wanted, but you still call me a thief. I thought I was used to it by now, but whenever you say it…”

She wanted to brush off his accusation, but the words did not come out, probably because what he was saying was more true than Applejack wanted to admit. Flam looked just about as down as Flim did on that long walk in the moonlight, and rather than have two crying stallions to worry about, she decided to take the proverbial bull by the horns, or the unicorn by the horn, as the case might be.

“Follow me. No, just leave the saw here,” she added as the unicorn ran a cleaning spell over the shining steel, leaving a glistening coat of oil across the surface. “It won’t rust by tomorrow, an’ I got somethin’ more important to show you.”

It was a shorter walk than she had first thought, or else her busy mind was not keeping track of time right, and the clearing with the quiet stones loomed up in front of her path before she was ready. Gritting her teeth, she walked forward into the colorful and cheerful resting spot where the setting sun was busy painting the leafless trees in shades of gold, followed by Flam. The yellow stallion hesitated at first, but picked up his steps and came to a halt in the center where Applejack was standing, looking at two familiar stones.

“Ma. Pa. This here’s the low-down scoundrel I was talkin’ to you about before, only he ain’t quite as low-down as I done thought. Matter of fact, there’s a few good seeds of an Apple in him, an’ if’n you was around, I think you might take a shine to him and his no-good brother.”

She turned to Flam. “That’s about as good as you’re gonna get.”

“I’ll take it,” he responded, and smiled that sneaky smile of his in what seemed to be the first time in forever.

“Like you’d take anything not nailed down,” groused Applejack, trying to suppress her own smile, but stopped when…

…he kissed her.

It lasted far longer than Applejack had expected, not to say she had expected being kissed, but if she had, she might have done it better. It sucked all of the air out of her chest and the words out of her head, leaving her to just stand there like some dummy in Rarity’s workroom when Flam broke off and sat back, looking as if he were about to be whupped.

“Well, that ain’t nothing nopony ever stole from me before,” said Applejack once she was able to talk again. “And it do tickle something fierce.”

“I’m a very particular stallion,” said Flam in a slow, measured way, like he was having problems putting words to his mustached mouth. “If I see a mare I like, I say…” He stopped with a long pause and his jaw still wriggling as he tried to find words, but Applejack found hers first. Well, most of them.

“Now hold yer horses. You think… I’m… We’re…” She scratched at her upper lip and tried unsuccessfully to scowl, or at least not to smile in an encouraging fashion, because the last thing either of the brothers needed was encouragement. “No.”

Something inside her crumpled at the way Flam deflated, with all the hope and sparkling mischief vanishing out of his green eyes. “Now you stop that!” she snapped. “Gettin’ mah heart all aflutter with stealing kisses.”

“It was only one kiss,” protested Flam, with that sly smile making a small comeback. “Singular.”

“Well…” Applejack considered it for a moment, but could not lie about the experience. “It weren’t all that bad, ’cept you had to do it in front of my folks. Pa would throw a right fit.”

Flam glanced to one side in a slightly guilty fashion, much as he expected some sort of beyond-the-grave parental censure. “And your mother?”

Applejack grumbled good-naturedly to conceal a giggle. “She’d be knitting baby bonnets.” After a quick glance up at the setting sun, Applejack shook her head and turned to leave. “Look, we should get back up to the house afore Apple Bloom feeds our dinner to the hogs. Just… don’t tell ’em about what we was doin’ here.”

“My lips are sealed,” said Flam, holding a hoof across his chest while walking by her side.

“And itchy.” She grumbled while they walked, trying not to feel resentful at the perky strut that Flam had to his stride. “Ah swear, it’s like kissing a hedgehog covered in nettles. Still got me itching. An’ don’t get to thinkin’ Ah’ll let you do that again.”

“Do what again, Applejack?” said Flam with a sideways glance and a raised eyebrow. “We were just out walking.”

“An’ don’t you forget it.”

Author's Note

AJ, a lie of omission is still a lie...

10. The Art of the Steal

Flim, Flam, and the Little Lost Apple Scam
The Art of the Steal

The morning of Cyprus Kick Kormick’s visit to Sweet Apple Acres dawned bright and nippy with the promise of winter in the air, mostly due to Rainbow Dash’s excellent positioning of chilly clouds in the vicinity, if anypony were to ask her or even seemed as if they wanted to know. It was as close to a business formal event as the farm had seen, so Applejack put her best ribbons in her mane and tail, ensured the Cutie Mark Crusaders had been properly admonished about the infernal retribution that would fall on their heads if/when they tried anything during Mister Kormick’s visit, and endured Twilight Sparkle’s last-minute lecture on What To Expect When Negotiating A Deal.

All fifty-seven pages of it.

While Big Mac was at the train station, ready to escort the wealthy industrialist to Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack was devoting her efforts to ensuring the deal was going to go… Well, not perfectly, but when things blew up and tree sap covered everything in sight, she wanted the culprits within easy reach. All three of the Cutie Mark Crusaders had been assigned foalsitting duties, keeping little Apple Sprout occupied just at the edge of Applejack’s keen vision, not in the barn, which could collapse, and not at the house, which could burst into flames, but just right over there in a plain stretch of open grass with a ball and a diaper bag. Oh, and a fire extinguisher, just in case.

The carefully labelled apple sorter, or more properly Appleloosa Produce Handling and Inspection Sorter, or APHIS, with no additional numbers or musical advertisements at Applejack’s request, was sitting out in the middle of a clear piece of ground in front of the barn, with several baskets of apples, carrots and beets ready to be run through it for the demonstration. Beside it were the two brothers, who had been washed and cleaned just as well as their machine, although lacking a few warning labels which Applejack had been tempted to add.

Flim had thrown himself into the APHIS project as if he were running away from an angry mob, working long nights and leaving a sense of tension and strain across his face, although it had not prevented him from taking his turns watching Apple Sprout. Flam, on the other hoof, had bent to their task with an unusual concentration on the details, much as if he were stalling their upcoming departure in the hopes of getting another kiss from Applejack.

And she actually was thinking about giving him one, if Kick Kormick’s visit bore fruit. She had not called him a scoundrel or a liar since their first secret trip to the Apple grove, and in return, he had been a perfect gentlecolt on several long midnight strolls among the bare apple trees.

And danged if her lips weren’t the only thing itching after they had parted ways every evening.

In short order, Big Mac could be seen proceeding through the gate to Sweet Apple Acres while escorting a smallish earth pony stallion whom Applejack recognized as Kick Kormick, although a bit shorter and older than the picture in the magazine had showed. After introductions, the brothers were still more nervous than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, but they settled down with their normal smiles and patter while running the test batches through the sorter. Everything was going just the way Applejack was expecting.

Until it wasn’t.

“Why, sure thing, Mister Kormick,” said Applejack. “Ah don’t see why you can’t take a gander at the blueprints, since you’re the one buying the widget, after all.”

“No,” said both Flim and Flam simultaneously.

“Now wait just a darned tootin’ minute.” Applejack glared at the brothers, who had calmed down to a sharp anticipatory simmering much like a shark circling a bleeding pony. “You two gonna explain yourself?”

“Allow me, dear brother,” said Flim, casting a look at Mister Kormick. “We don’t trust you.”

“What?” Kick Kormick recoiled much the same as if he had been punched in the nose. There was something more in his reaction that Applejack was picking up off the old stallion too, a hint of wrongness in his motions and gestures that she had first put down to nerves, but now that she had a moment to think about it, reminded her far too much of Flim and Flam’s first visit to the farm. Mister Kormick scowled and turned to Applejack, spitting his words out like nails. “Young miss, I certainly hope this is not the way you treat all of your guests. Why, I’m as honest as the day is long.”

“That’s half the day, good sir,” said Flam rather sharply. “You see, this sale we’re working on is not to enrich our own pockets.”

“We have a good number of trusting investors to pay back,” added Flim.

“And we would like for them to see some return on their investment,” said Flam with a note of finality.

Applejack rubbed her chin. “You’re sayin’ if he looks at your blueprints without an agreement, he could make some gadget to do what yours does without payin’ you?”

“Why, I would never—” started Kick before Twilight Sparkle cleared her throat.

“Mister Flam had me check out the legal history of your company, Mister Kormick. You’ve got three different patents under litigation at the moment, all of which involve ponies who claim you personally stole their inventions. If you are honestly serious about purchasing this invention, and want to get a fair deal for the investors in Appleloosa like we do, we need to look into a mutual agreement before we review the blueprints and get into the details. That way if you do back out and produce a new apple sorting machine based on this prototype in violation of their patent—”

“Filed yesterday in Canterlot,” declared Spike.

“—there will be sufficient legal grounds to enjoin production of your illegally copied machine and collect damages.”

“Twi,” started Applejack, “there ain’t no need for this. Kick Kormick runs one of the most honest machine companies in all of Equestria.” She paused while Twilight’s words soaked in. “Though, I didn’t know you had three widget makers suing you.”

There was just the faintest sheen of sweat forming on Kick’s forehead while he protested, “I’m an honest businesspony.”

“Ah’m startin’ to think that’s a contradiction in terms,” said Applejack.

Twilight Sparkle produced a thick sheaf of papers. “In the event you do not want to commit to a preliminary agreement, Mister Kormick, that’s fine. We have a representative from Equestrian Harvester who will be dropping by in a few days.”

The sweat on Mister Kormick’s face was starting to get heavy now. He blustered and pointed a hoof in an accusatory fashion. “I can’t believe you would cast insinuations on my character when you have those two—” Kick’s expression shifted just the slightest, in a way that Applejack had learned from the brothers came with one doozy of an upcoming whopper “—criminals in your employ!”

He huffed in the same way a train coming out of the station would puff out steam and turned on Twilight Sparkle. “Princess Sparkle! Do you have any idea who these two are? Why, I did not recognize them at first, but now that I’ve had some time in their presence, I remember seeing them at the very heart of the Braynard Neighdoff banking scandal! Call for your guard and have them arrested at once!”

“I don’t have a guard,” said Twilight, sounding rattled at the sudden accusation.

“And I’m pretty sure this machine ain’t no part of no Manehattan banking scam. It’s all out of Appleloosa, every widget and spring.” Applejack thought for a moment. “Although there was the time between you two leaving Appleloosa and coming back. Did you spend some time in Manehattan as bankers?”

“We would never—” started Flim before Flam held a hoof over his mouth.

“Yes.” Flam held his head up and looked Applejack straight in the eye.

“Brother!” exclaimed Flim.

“It’s true,” said Flam, not breaking eye contact with Applejack for a moment.

“Don’t say that word!”

Flam nodded almost imperceptibly. “After we left Appleloosa, we worked with Braynard Neighoff for most of the last year, Miss Applejack. It was our opportunity to make it big in Manehattan and prove which of us was the best salespony. We had gold trimmed hats. Penthouse suite apartments. Corner offices in opposite corners of the building. You see, our fight over the lovely Marian had unleashed our competitive natures worse than anything before.”

Flim looked as if he were about to interrupt, but Flam kept going.

“Mister Neighdoff hired us to sell securities, bonds, stocks, anything and everything for a bit. He put us in different sections of his organization so we would not be able to compare notes about how worthless they were, until the whole thing came tumbling down.”

“You forget, dear brother of mine, we were taken just as hard as any of the other rubes,” said Flim. “We went from millions of bits changing hooves at our every word to only having the loose change in our cart, working on consignment when Granny Smith reunited us. We are just as much victims—”

The tall stallion broke off abruptly at the cries of delight from nearby where the Cutie Mark Crusaders were pulling Apple Sprout around in their wagon, although not at the suicidal speed they normally traveled. He paused with one wistful look at the laughing foal, then turned his mournful green eyes on Applejack.

“My brother is right, Miss Applejack. Both of us worked with that scam artist, and we both thought we were far more clever than everypony else involved.”

“Right until the police showed up,” said Flam.

Flim sighed. “Like normal.”

Kick Kormick was nearly beside himself with glee, and if he were a pegasus, Applejack figured he would be preening both wings at once. “There! I told you so! Lock them up, Princess Twilight, and confiscate that machine!”

Applejack growled, “Ah don’t particularly like nobody ordering my friends around, and doubly so on my property.”

“Thank you, Applejack,” said Flam.

“I think she was talking about Princess Twilight,” whispered Flim.

“Plus,” added Applejack, ignoring them both, “you was acting mighty squirrely since you first laid eyes on these two rascals, a lot like you recognized them then, but didn’t decide to speak nothing about it until your beady little eyes saw an opportunity to get your greedy hooves on that widget.”

Twilight Sparkle gave her a quelling glance, most probably to cut down the probability that Applejack’s temper was going to result in violence, which did make her take a deep breath and turn to the brothers. “Why don’t you take the APHIS machine and put it back in the barn while we talk this out with Mister Kormick?”

* ♥ *

Applejack’s entry into the barn was accomplished with far more subtlety than her normal kicking the door open and bellowing, mostly because of the foal carrier on her back but partially because of what she was afraid of finding.

Unfortunately, she was right.

The two brothers had packed most of their meager possessions on their cart and were looking lower than a rattlesnake belly, barely glancing in her direction when she slipped in the door. If she had delayed more than a few minutes more, it was most likely the barn would have been empty and she would not have been able to say her fair piece. She took a deep breath and decided to start with the least painful words first.

“Kick’s not gonna sign, and good riddance. Durned cheat. He even tried takin’ a picture of your widget, but dropped the camera an’ Big Mac mighta stepped on it once or twice.”

She might as well not have said anything, from as much reaction as she got. Even Apple Sprout on her back giving out coos of adorable ‘pick-me-up-ness’ had Flim only afford her a brief flicker of a glance before he returned to his ineffectual packing.

“Reckoned you two was going to try to pull a runner,” admitted Applejack.

“We have no choice.” Flam shuffled papers over at the parked apple sorter, separating them into neat stacks. “We’re leaving your family with rights and the blueprints for the apple sorter and every single other thing we’ve developed out of the original Appleloosa machine. If you can find somepony to license the sorter’s patent, maybe you can have them develop some of the rest of our inventions into working order. After all, we promised the Appleloosa and Dodge Junction investors a return on their bits.”

“So did that Neighdoff chap, an’ he left a whole lot more folks up in the air for a durned sight more bits. You know, you could stay and testify against that snake in the grass. You said you was in tight with him, so maybe you know something that’ll lock him up better like.”

“Nopony would believe us,” said Flam. “All of the failed investors in the Braynard Neighdoff funds will blame you if we stay here and get arrested. They’re very powerful ponies. Your family reputation will be ruined. We’ve hurt you enough already.”

“We’re all better off if we go somewhere far away.” Flim turned his back and tried to ignore Apple Sprout, who was fairly bouncing in the foal carrier in a vain attempt to get his attention. “We’ll never come back. You’ll all be better off without us and our lies.”

“Well, heck. I believe you two.” Applejack stopped and muttered to herself. “Can’t believe I said that.” She took a breath and shifted positions so Sprout would not bounce herself out of the carrier. “You two done been lying so much of your life that a little speck of truth hurts. Well, I gotta say something that hurts too. I’m gonna miss you two varmints.”

Apple Sprout put in her own opinion with a loud and enthusiastic cry.

“Well, that goes for both of us then,” said Applejack. “Ah know Granny Smith done took a shine to you even if she does grumble about it a mite, an’ Big Mac ain’t never been more monosyllabic, which for him means more than a whole herd of turtles. And I know you’ve been helpin’ those three mobile disasters with their schemes whenever my back’s turnt, so the Crusaders are gonna be awfully sad to see you go too.”

Tiring of her bouncing, Apple Sprout crouched in the foal carrier with one reaching hoof extended in the direction of her favorite playmate, then in an expression of growing frustration, called out in a clear voice.

“Dada!”

Flim stopped moving, and for one terrifying moment, Applejack thought he was going to drop over dead right there. Instead he did something far worse by sagging down onto the floor, curling up into a ball, and breaking out in heartfelt sobs.

Flam instinctively moved forward to protect his brother, looking intensely embarrassed about shielding him from a mere foal. “I’m sorry, Miss Applejack. It seems my brother developed more of an attachment with your Apple Sprout than we expected.”

“She’s my daughter!” bawled Flim with tears flowing down his cheeks in long rivlets.

Flam patted him on the shoulder and tried to pitch his voice into the most soothing tone possible, sounding honestly sympathetic. “No, she isn’t, dear brother.”

“Yes, she is.” Flim practically whimpered and curled up tighter until it seemed as if he were some sort of strange yellow hedgehog with only one pokey-out bit. Flam slowed his gentle pats to his brother as the sincerity of his tears became obvious while Apple Sprout wriggled to reach the big pony who always played with her, eventually squirting out of the foal carrier when Applejack tugged on the release string. Tiny hooves clattered across the floor, and Sprout made one giant leap into Flim’s hug, sniffling and nosing her favorite playmate until the tears slowed and Flim could breathe again, even if he still was stammering.

“I lied t-to you, B-Brother,” he said, stroking Apple Sprout’s darkish-pink mane. “I really d-did find my d-daughter in the orphanage.”

“No, you did—” Flam came to an abrupt halt and looked up at Applejack with wide eyes, then back down at his brother. After taking a breath, he lit up his horn with a soft green glow, and a pearlescent bead of light rose up from both Flim and Sprout. The lights, looking much like peas in the glow of his magic, spun around each other faster and faster until they splashed together in a silent burst of rainbow light, leaving Flam speechless.

“Well, I’ll be.” Applejack pushed her hat back further on her head, but decided to forgo any more comments for the moment even if she could talk through the growing lump in her throat. It seemed to be an honest time of reconciliation shared between the small family, just as stressful as when Princess Luna had been reunited with Princess Celestia, and the last thing they needed was some wisepony interrupting. Although she wanted to.

Once he recovered somewhat, Flam looked torn between pride and embarrassment. “She is your daughter. So you lied to me? But I’m family. Why?”

Flim did not interrupt the gentle nuzzling of his daughter more than to just barely lift his dripping nose to touch her stubby horn. “You’re family too, Sprout. I didn’t want to hurt you like I hurt your mother. I wanted you to have a better life than with some random family. I wanted you to be loved, even if I could not be there to love you. Even if it cost my brother.”

“Never.” Flam looked up from his niece, gazing at Applejack in a way that made her heart flutter. “And you could not have found a better or more loving pony to raise your daughter. She will make a wonderful Apple, raised by the best family in Equestria. Now, we need to leave before Princess Twilight returns with the law.”

“No.” Flim’s voice was almost muffled into inaudibility by the way he had his muzzle pressed into Apple Sprout’s curly mane.

“No?” asked Flam.

“I’m going to stay. Turn myself in. Do what’s right for all the ponies we helped swindle in Manehattan. My daughter deserves better than to have a wanted stallion for a father.”

“But they’ll arrest you.” Flam’s knees wobbled and he sat down. “Put you in jail. Remember our family motto? No convictions.”

Flim lowered his head. “You go on, brother of mine. Keep a place open at your side for me when I get out in a few years.”

Flam looked over to Applejack, then back to his brother. ”But we’re family. We stick together, through thick and thin times.” He looked back over at Applejack, with the darkest and most mournful green eyes. “What should I do, beautiful Applejack? Do you want me to stay?”

“Why you asking me for?” asked Applejack. “If’n you want to take responsibility for your actions, stay. Ah’ll deal with the mess, so don’t you worry your pointy head about it. On the other hoof, if’n you want to abandon the only family you got and try running away from your problems like you always did, there’s the door.” She pointed at the wide door facing the back side of the barn. “But if you do, don’t ever come back.”

The silence stretched for a long time in the barn with Flim and Apple Sprout huddled together and Flam staring down at the ground, trying to look away from everypony. Applejack grew increasingly uncomfortable with the quiet and her position ‘on the spot,’ and finally spoke up again.

“Why me?”

Flam took a breath, licked his lips, and swallowed as if he were about to say something he really did not want to. “Because I trust you. It isn’t easy for us to trust anypony, but…”

On a whim, Applejack said, “Trust? Ah trust you want more kisses.”

After due consideration, Flam nodded. “I have never before risked imprisonment for a single kiss from a beautiful mare, but for you, dearest Applejack, I would.”

Properly skeptical, Applejack gave him a sideways glance. “You’d stay, face the music, and go to jail, all for a kiss?”

“For one more kiss, yes.” He smiled in a way that went right down to his heart. “Honestly. I promise.”

Applejack thought for a moment, then moved forward before she could think herself out of it. “Ah reckon since you stole the first one, it’s only fair I get it back.”

With more time to do it right, Applejack was fairly proud of the kiss she gave now, even through the itchy mustache. After enough time to make sure the kiss counted, and a little more just to be sure, she backed off, rubbing at her lips with the back of one hoof.

“Pthah! Gonna itch for weeks.”

“Worth it.” Flam licked his lips and sounded a lot like Pinkie Pie after a frosting rampage.

“Well…. yeah,” admitted Applejack. “Jes remember your promise.”

“I remember,” said Flam with that endearing smile emerging again. “We’ll wait right here for the law.”

“No.” Applejack moved closer. “You said you’d stay for one more kiss.”

She kissed him again, for much longer this time, and once she was done, she took a step back and regarded his confused expression while she rubbed her itchy upper lip again.

“Ah expect you to keep your end of the bargain. Okay, Twi. Let ’em in.”

The back door of the barn, the one the brothers had planned on fleeing out of, opened up to reveal three Equestrian princesses, along with at least a dozen armored pegasus guards. Princess Twilight was giggling, Luna looked just as calm and passive as ever, and Celestia seemed to be sucking on her bottom lip and rolling her eyes.

Both Flim and Flam stared at the revealed princesses, then turned their eyes toward Applejack, with Flam managing to get his words out first.

“You tricked us!”

Applejack drew the side of her lips up in a smirk. “You done told me once that you can’t talk nopony into doin’ nuttin’ they don’t already want to do.”

“But—” Unable to use any more words, Flam waved a hoof at the vast majority of Equestrian Princessness gathered just a short stride away. Without a pause, Twilight Sparkle stepped forward with a smug smile of her own.

“I was suspicious of you two since you first arrived, and did the Parenting Pair-Up spell myself in secret while neither of you was looking. Since it only confirmed what you had claimed for your daughter, I didn’t say anything about it at the time. Then when Applejack told me Flim was not Sprout’s father, I knew something odd was going on. I couldn’t tell her, of course, but I could keep an eye on your activities.” Twilight proceeded to smirk even more than Applejack. “Did you know you can see almost all of Sweet Apple Acres from the top of my castle, if you use a large enough telescope?”

Stepping in for his word-struck brother, Flim rearranged Apple Sprout to get a better view of the ongoing events and spoke up quietly.

“You always said you can’t trick an honest pony, brother of mine.”

“We’re not that honest!” protested Flam. Stopping only momentarily, he turned to the group of princesses and bowed. “Beg pardon, Your Highnesses.”

Princess Celestia returned his bow with a short nod of her own. “Understandable, Mister Flam. Mister Flim.” She nodded at each in turn, ending up looking at the entranced eyes of the smallest Apple. “And you must be Apple Sprout. I’ve heard quite a lot about you, young filly. Quite nearly as much as I’ve heard about your other relatives.” Her eyes slid over to Flam. “I understand you have something you would like to tell me?”

“Your Highness.” Flam bowed again. “We would like to claim Crown’s Witness in the matter of the Neighdoff pyramid scheme, and testify to our involvement in the crime.”

Flim added, “Freely and without reservations.”

“Blert!” added Apple Sprout.

One royal eyebrow slowly ascended. “No conditions? No asking for amnesty or pardons?”

Flam shook his head. “No. Only that my brother’s child is looked after and cared for.”

“Well.” Celestia was taken aback for a moment at the confession, but recovered quickly. “I felt for certain that we would have to chase you down today. This is most unexpected.”

Luna cleared her throat.

Celestia rolled her eyes and used her magic to float a single golden bit out of the peytral around her neck, then passed it over to Luna, who tucked it away with a smug expression before addressing the brothers.

“The crimes which thou hast committed against our ponies are many. Once your part in the Neighdoff scheme is revealed, it shall not be safe for you to be outside of protective custody.”

“We can’t stay here,” said Flim, his head bowed and one foreleg crooked protectively around his daughter.

“Unfortunately, you are correct, brother of mine.” Flam kept his eyes looking at the packed earth floor of the barn, although his ears kept drifting over to point at Applejack. “I presume we are in for a rough couple of months, most probably in a Canterlot prison under tight guard while we testify to the Crown investigators.”

“So I ain’t gonna see you for a while, I suppose.” Applejack moved up to the dejected stallion, then hesitated. Turning to Celestia and Luna, she gave a brief bob of her head in an abbreviated bow. “Beg pardon, Your Highnesses. Can you wait up for a sec? I gotta go do something right quick, just to check. Ah’ll be right back.”

All three princesses watched Applejack trot out of the barn and waited patiently for whatever it was she had to do.

There was the sound of running water outside.

Then a distinctive large splash.

A few moments later, Applejack returned, although her entire head was soaked and water was running out of her mane, leaving a long wet trail behind her. She walked up to Flam, examined his baffled expression closely, then gave the puzzled stallion a long wet kiss.

“Nope,” she declared once the kiss was over. “It ain’t heatstroke.”

Now it was Celestia’s turn to look smug in the resulting silence. She cleared her throat and cast a knowing look at Luna, who rolled her eyes, floated a pair of golden bits out from behind her dark tabard, and passed them over to the Princess of the Sun.

“Thank you, Luna.” Celestia turned to Flim and held out one foreleg, catching the fascinated little foal as she floated over to the princess and was tucked in for a quick royal snuggle and nuzzle. “Mister Flim and Mister Flam, I would not be too sorrowful at this turn of events. There is no mare in all of Equestria whom I would trust more to care for your Apple Sprout while you are unable. Also, if your testimony as Crown Witnesses is determined to be truthful and whole, a certain amount of flexibility may be applied to your sentence. I understand some of the prisons have a summer work program for model prisoners, where they labor under the strict supervision of some trustworthy pony.”

Celestia turned to Applejack and let Apple Sprout climb over into her familiar embrace. “And who could be more responsible and trustworthy than one of the Elements of Harmony? Provided Applejack agrees, of course.”

“Well…” Applejack looked at the hopeful brothers and gave a terse nod. “They is awfully hard workers, if’n they’re watched careful like. We’ll see how it goes.”

11. Epilogue - Five Years Later

Flim, Flam, and the Little Lost Apple Scam
Epilogue - Five Years Later

… Five years later

“Daddy’s here! Daddy’s here!” Apple Sprout darted around Sweet Apple Acres at a full gallop, stirring up a trail of butterflies in her wake. The motion of their colorful wings almost matched the feathered wingbeats of the distant pegasus carriage and the two gold-armored guards pulling it.

“So he is,” said Applejack, looking up into the sky and trying to ignore the butterflies in her own gut, as well as the few pounds she had put on recently. “You an’ Bloom got our little surprise all comfy in the house?”

“Eyup!” Apple Sprout nodded vigorously, the pink bow tied into her mane bobbing in counterpoint with her motions.

“An’ you gonna be able to keep yer yap shut while I spring it on them?” Applejack winked.

“Cross my heart an…” Apple Sprout frowned. “Something.”

“Close enough.” She took a moment to ruffle the young unicorn’s curly mane. “Ah’ve got a surprise for both of them varmints today. You be a good girl an’ I’ll let you have an extra scoop of ice cream on your pie at lunch today.”

That got Sprout’s attention, and she sat alert and quiet beside Applejack while the prison transport landed and the guards opened the door to let Flim and Flam out, encumbered by their manacles. It did not last, however, because the moment Flim got all four hooves on the ground, Sprout darted across the intervening space and caught him around the middle in what would have been a stunning hoofball tackle if she had weighed any more than her five-year-old self.

“Ooof!” declared Flim anyway, taking a step backwards to recover. “How’s Daddy’s favorite filly? And you got your cutie mark!” He staggered back for real under the weight of a healthy farm-fed filly hanging onto his neck and waved a hoof to one side. “Just a second, Sprout. Brother, could you hold these for me, please?”

He floated the manacles over to Flam and tucked Apple Sprout under one foreleg for some proper parental nuzzling and hugging, not even paying any attention when Flam stepped out of his own manacles and floated them both over to the bemused guard.

Applejack tsk’d to herself and walked over to the guard. “You gotta keep an eye on these varmints every minute or they’ll steal everything you got.”

She kissed Flam gently, then sat back on her haunches and rubbed her itchy lip. “Including your heart. Give him back his bit pouch, you varmint.”

Grumbling slightly, Flam floated the bag of bits back over to the young guard, along with his pen, watch, and house keys, then politely signed the transfer papers without forging Flim’s name too, like he did last year. Once Applejack signed as the work-release officer and the carriage was on its way back to the sky, she turned to Flam and shook her head.

“What am I going to do with you varmints?”

“Alas, beautiful mare. You have crafted a better mousetrap with this delightful farm, and we poor varmints have been captured forever,” he responded with a playful lilt to his voice. “Or at least after five more years when we’re eligible for parole and stop having to spend half the year away.”

“Tell him, Aunt AJ!” bubbled Apple Sprout from her position trapped under Flim’s foreleg. “Tell him!”

“Patience,” cautioned Applejack, turning to Flim. “We’ve got the whole family up in the house just waiting on you two, but I’ve got a little surprise for each of you, starting with Papa there.” She could see the motion of a familiar pink coat behind the brothers, but tried not to look so the visitor could make her own entrance. “Flim, I know how much you’ve been working to get back in Marian’s good graces, what with all the letters you done writ to her and all, an’ I wanted to be the one to tell you…” She paused for effect, a habit that she blamed on close contact with Rarity for these last few years, and added, “Turn around. I think somepony else can say it better than me.”

Puzzled, Flim turned around, then stopped just as solidly as if he had been turned to stone. Almost within touching distance, Marian looked back, blinking wide dark lashes across her golden eyes. She hesitated, trying to say the words she had practiced with Applejack and Sprout over the last few weeks while at the farm, then moved forward to demonstrate with actions what she could not with words.

The feeling appeared to be mutual, as both Flim and Marian moved to each other at the same time, and showed no interest in stopping any time soon.

“We’re rubbing off on you, Sneakyjack,” admitted Flam from where he had moved up close to Applejack, watching the resulting kiss between his brother and long-lost love, with the offspring of that love bouncing around them in circles while happily babbling. “I don’t remember Sprout having a cutie mark last time either.”

“She didn’t,” said Applejack quietly as not to disturb the ongoing kissing. “She’s an early bloomer an’ got that heart on her rump while talking her Mama into this. Talked me into it first. Once she gets talkin’ about something, she won’t stop until she gets her way. Probably gonna put Cadence to shame, an’ I had to put mah hoof down about her gettin’ a bow and arrow like Scootaloo suggested. It done put Bloom right out until she got to thinking her and the Crusaders done did it. Then she wouldn’t shut up about it at all.”

With all the kissing going on, Applejack wanted to participate, but she had something more important to pass along first. She just could not get the words to come out, particularly with Flam this close, like he was stealing the thoughts out of her mind before they could form all the way.

“You know, Miss Applejack, I owe you one more kiss.” Flam moved up and locked lips with Applejack for a short time, then sat back and fixed her with that mischievous green-eyed look that could turn her legs into butter. “Something’s different than last year. I see you’ve added onto the farmhouse. Is that so Marian can stay here at the farm?”

“No, it ain’t.” Applejack scratched at her itchy upper lip. “Twilight done offered her a full-time job up at the castle, living there and keeping her library. Somepony’s gotta keep that under control or Twi will just fill it all up to the top with books.”

“Most certainly true,” agreed Flam. “Your friends are some of the most passionate ponies I’ve seen. I thought I’d surprise you all with the music boxes we made in the metal shop, but this is far better.”

“That’s not all.” Applejack took a deep breath. “Ah talked with the princesses, and I think we can get you two troublemakers released on probation at the end of this year, full time.”

“That is good news,” said Flam. “I thought we had at least five more years honing our metalworking skills before being released.”

“Yeah,” said Applejack somewhat lacklusterly, still avoiding what she wanted to say even though it felt a lot like lying.

“It certainly will be good news for my brother,” said Flam. “Once they surface for air.”

“Yeah, speaking of good news,” started Applejack.

“And from the looks of those two, my brother may not be sleeping in your barn soon,” said Flam, giving a short head-motion to where Flim and Marian were still kissing.

“At least they’ll have a private room in the castle,” admitted Applejack.

“And since you’ve added onto the house, does that mean my days of sleeping in the barn are coming to an end too?” asked Flam with a suggestive eyebrow waggle. “That’s not to say I would not say no to a few more late-night cuddling sessions like last fall,” he added, lowering his voice and smiling.

“About that,” said Applejack reluctantly before Apple Sprout’s cry of growing disgust sounded over her mother’s and father’s continuing kiss.

“Daddy! Mommy!” Sprout made a face and stuck out her tongue. “That’s enough! Gross!”

“At this rate, I’ll be an uncle again in no time,” whispered Flam into Applejack’s ear.

Applejack whispered back. “Remember last fall? You’re going to be a father first.”

Author's Note

Editor's notes:

Tek: I almost feel for full comedy you should end with Flam collapsing in a faint from this news
Me: It's important to put the punch line at the very end of the story/para/chapter.

(On my note at the bottom of the Google document where I stash my 'stuff' while working. I try to leave a note so my editors don't get lost editing stuff that will never be included in the story.)
Me: Everything below here is scribbled notes. Shoo.
Ferret: Yes DAD
Me: Well, that's the way I work. I have a heap of ideas that I push down the road like some asphalt truck and leave behind a smooth (relatively) pavement. It's just the pile left over at the end of the process has all the twigs and rocks in it :)

1. Bad Seeds

Flim, Flam, and the Little Lost Apple Scam
Bad Seeds

An apple orchard approaching harvest was a thing of inestimable beauty, holding in it the potential for far more than simply an endless line of full apple baskets. It was the world of Equestria providing food and pleasure to all creatures under the sun. It brought family together, working shoulder to shoulder from before dawn until well after the moon had risen. It meant lines of friends thirsting for delicious cider, while other friends helped out with the process. Some of the lessons the orchard had taught Applejack had taken a long time to soak into her hard head, and she suspected that many others were still percolating down through the dense layers of her skull. The orchard had taught her both about loss, when loving parents are taken away long before their appointed time, and of the joy of seeing a baby sister look up into her eyes with an expression of pure love. It had given her many long lessons of patience while tending to the needs of the orchard until harvest time, when tree after tree would yield their fruit to her labor, and lessons of tolerance which the various fruit bats who lived quietly in their own corner of the farm could attest.

And most of all, it had taught her the lesson of never trusting a pair of scamming yellow unicorns, no matter what kind of hooey they were spouting today.

The two unicorns in question were presently walking down the long shaded lane leading to Sweet Apple Acres with a small cart being towed behind Flim or Flam, whichever of them had the drooping red mustache. Undoubtedly, there was something illegal or immoral inside, probably both, and Applejack moved out of the barn where she had been checking the empty basket inventory to cut them off before they got to the farmhouse.

Granny may have made friends with these two crooks last month, but they’re still crooks.

“What’re you two doin’ here?” barked Applejack as she set her hooves in the middle of the lane. “We don’t want none of what’er yer sellin’.”

As the two unicorns drew up to a halt with the small wagon behind them, Applejack found it a lot more difficult to keep her gruff exterior than she expected. Both of the brothers looked far more than tired, with a healthy layer of road dust in their coats and frazzled hairs in their normally well-combed manes. Had they been any other travelers on the road, she would have invited them into the house quicker than a rattlesnake’s tail and made sure they had a good meal, but with these two, she was fairly certain the family silver would be gone before they finished eating.

“Friend Applejack!” Flam fairly beamed at her with a smile that made his smarmy mustache perk up at the ends.

“How good to see you on this wonderful day,” said Flim, doffing his hat and kicking sideways at his brother’s shin.

“Pardon me, my good mare,” said Flam, taking off his hat and holding it to his chest. “It has been a long trip, and my manners escaped me for a moment.”

“Well, you can keep your manners and whatever else you’ve got in that wagon and just move on down the road,” snapped Applejack. It did not get the response she expected. Both of the slimy salesponies paused and gave each other sideways glances as if they were daring the other to go first.

“Beautiful mare,” started Flim, although he stopped cold after looking into Applejack’s narrowed eyes.

“Young mare,” began Flam, although he too stopped as Applejack turned to glare at him.

“Could we possibly talk to your grandmother?” they asked together. “Please?”

* ♥ *

Applejack did not relax her guard one iota and made the two uncomfortable stallions remain standing in the dusty lane in front of the house while she went inside and got Granny. The old mare was just as feisty as always, hobbling with her walker over to where the stallions had pulled their wagon under the nearby apple tree. It seemed odd, as they had to travel a fair distance away from the house to park, but the shade was welcome on the hot afternoon, as well as the pitcher of iced apple juice that Granny insisted she bring along.

“What kinda mischief you two scoundrels planning to drag an old mare into, huh? You want a cookie with that juice, youngster?”

Flim looked at the plate of cinnamon-apple cookies being passed to him and took one off the top of the stack. “Thank you, Granny Smith.”

“Indeed,” agreed Flam, who had his own glass and two cookies in addition. “I knew you would not be one to turn family away from your door, unlike your granddaughter.”

“Family?” Applejack snorted and waved a hoof. “You two is no more kin to us than that wagon!”

“I beg your pardon,” said Flim, holding a hoof across his chest. “That is no way to speak to your second cousins, once removed by marriage.”

“Other than my brother and myself, we have very little family of our own,” said Flam.

“Outside of prison,” muttered Applejack.

“But your great-great-grandmother Maltese Orange is our great-granny too,” continued Flam. “I knew we had some apple-related relatives, but it shocked us to our seeds when we looked up our family orange tree and found an Apple family relative or twelve.”

“Could we really be related to Pinkie Pie?” asked Flim, although after a firm glance from Flam, cleared his throat and continued, “I mean, my brother and I seem to have found ourselves in a pickle, so to speak, and we are in need of assistance.”

“The kind of loving help that only a family can provide,” said Flam.

“Ah ain’t helpin’ you with none of your schemes,” said Applejack with a fierce scowl. “Jes pack up yer wagon and haul it outta here afore Ah kick your worthless—”

“Applejack Jacqueline Apple! You be polite to these worthless scoundrels, or I’ll take a switch to your hide.” Granny Smith turned away from Applejack and regarded the brothers from narrowed eyes. “Now, what kinda help was it you two low-lives need, other than a place to hide out between schemes?”

The sounds of a small foal sniffling and a cry came from the wagon, and Flim reached inside it with his magic in order to float out a bundle of cloth. Inside the pink blanket, a tiny unicorn foal waved her little golden-brown hooves and blinked in the sunlight with an adorable squint that only showed a few tiny glimpses of the green eyes she was trying to cover. She opened her toothless mouth in a wide yawn and smacked her lips, as if awaiting the food she knew was going to be coming soon. Or else.

“Your cousin’s name is Apple Sprout,” said Flim, holding the unicorn foal up to his chest. “And she’s my daughter.”

Author's Note

Note: The comic with Flim and Flam is quite good. They make a wonderful foil to any plot.

4. Sunday's Child is Fair of Face

Flim, Flam, and the Little Lost Apple Scam
Sunday’s Child is Fair of Face

The next few days fairly flew past. Applejack had sent off her letter to Aunt Orange and really was not expecting a response for at least a week. She was such a busy pony, and the Orange side of the family records were huge, so it was going to take up a lot of her time to look through them.

Applejack even had Pinkie Pie carry a letter to Goldie Delicious so they could check on the Apple side of the tree, just in case. The rapid response just made Applejack wonder harder because it turned out Marian was related by marriage several links up in the Apple clan tree, making Apple Sprout one of her relatives even if the brothers were both lying. More surprising was Goldie Delicious had included a note about a distant relative who provided a link to Twilight’s side of the family, possibly and only if Apple Pi were not some sort of misprint.

Harvest was a much more sensible task. Apple Sprout most certainly was an Apple, because she never got tired of riding in the foal carrier while Applejack was bucking trees. She would “Whee!” whenever Applejack bent her head down and lashed out with both back hooves, and giggled at the sound of apples impacting all around her into the baskets placed for their transportation. The process even went faster than she would like to admit, because although the two scoundrels were slimy salesponies full of tricks, they threw their backs into the job in front of them and stacked or unstacked baskets onto the wagons just as fast as Big Mac could trot back and forth between the harvesting field and the barn.

Flam even turned out to be a fairly good conversationalist, once the top layer of slime was scraped away. He had tales of cities from one end of Equestria to another and even overseas, always buying or selling something and always unjustly pursued by unsatisfied customers of various species when they departed.

“What I just don’t understand is why you and your brother always gotta be tryin’ to pull a scam of one sort or the other?” said Applejack while lining up for another kick. “I hate to admit it, but that darned contraption of yours was pretty good at what it did, at least until you pulled out the stops and it started shovin’ sticks and rocks into the cider.”

“The curse of the capitalist.” Flam gave out a grunt of effort while using his magic to pick up baskets and put them on the wagon. His skill at stacking was increasing about at the same rate his fatigue was kicking in, but he was still managing to get a wagon all stacked to the top just a minute or two before Big Mac would come huffing and puffing over the hill with an empty wagon to trade, with the previous wagon being unloaded back at the barn by Flim.

Normally, Applejack competed with her brother in the harvesting, with both of them always keeping silent count of how many times they each had completed their own section of the mutual job before the other had finished bucking or unloading baskets. Having an extra on each end of the process was awful darned useful, and she guessed they were progressing along the harvest better than twice as fast as when it was just the two of them. Plus, it was pretty nice to have somepony to talk to while working, and she suspected that because of the city unicorn’s silence about any personal aches and pains, he was enjoying the sweaty work in the orchard as much as she was.

Flim hefted another basket from under the tree and put it on the wagon, pausing to wipe the back of a forehoof across his dripping face. “We are fully aware of the money to be made in all aspects of business, but there is always one more bit or just a bit more we can push our plans until everything falls apart. Like our foray into the world of apple-scented perfume.”

“Yeah, you told me about that one,” said Applejack while trotting over to the next tree. “You got ramped up right before bee season.”

“Perhaps it comes of being siblings. Being so close, my brother and I have always competed without the barriers others are accustomed to.” Flam gave a smirk of satisfaction as he placed the last basket of apples on the top of the wagon without Big Mac having made his appearance yet. “Still, as your Granny Smith recently taught us, together we are a far better team than apart.”

“Except when it comes to mares,” said Applejack.

“Yes.” The sweaty unicorn sat down and ran a kerchief over his face before looking up at Applejack, who was bringing over the water jug. “I’ve always had worse luck with the mares than my brother. I believe it is the mustache.”

“That impressive catter-piller what took root on your face?” Applejack took a deep drink from the burlap-covered waterjug and poured some water over her head before passing the jug over to Flam. “You might be right there. Somethin’ like that would tickle fierce, I suppose.”

“I never thought of it that way.” Flam took a long, long drink and sprinkled one quick dribble of water over his straw boater hat, which was beginning to show a respectable amount of farm dirt in its coloring.

“You probably ain’t kissed him then, I suppose. Just because Apple Sprout giggles when you’re mooching her, don’t mean all mares like that kind of bristle brush in their face.” Applejack twisted around and got the happy foal out of her carrier, but kept a hoof close by while Apple Sprout promptly rolled over and over in the grass under the apple tree where they were taking their impromptu break. “Ah still don’t get why he did such a durned fool thing as takin’ a mare to bed when she’d been makin’ eyes at you.”

“I’ve asked myself the same question, Miss Applejack.” Flam took a moment to smile at his tiny niece, who had just discovered fluffy dandelions and the way they let their fluff fly when breathed into. “I’m afraid I’ll have to plead male on both of our behalfs.”

“It weren’t really you two’s fault if’n—” Applejack came to a sudden halt and took another drink of water. “Must be heatstroke.”

“I should have listened more to how she was saying what she was saying, I suppose,” said Flam with a sigh. “I’m starting to think there’s something in a mare’s head that keeps them from saying just exactly what they really mean when they’re talking to a stallion. I mean if I think a mare’s attractive, and I tell her, that’s fairly plain. I say, ‘Hello, Miss Applejack. You are quite attractive and I would like to spend time with you.’ Mares are really good at feeling, but they just don’t say what they think in a logical fashion.”

“We do too,” said Applejack with only some minor bristling.

“You’re supposed to be the Element of Honesty, Miss Applejack.” Flam favored her with a sideways glance while keeping one hoof ready to catch Sprout when she inevitably would lose interest in what she was doing and head elsewhere. “What would you say to me if you thought I was attractive, and wanted to give me a kiss?”

“That’s a danged fool thing to argue,” said Applejack. “If’n I thought you were attractive, I’d say so, no ifs, buts or coconuts. Then I’d go dunk my head in the water trough up by the barn because I’d be suffering heatstroke, obviously.”

“But how would you say it?” asked Flam. “Miss Marian used to call me ‘well-organized’ and my brother ‘properly punctual.’ How are we supposed to know which one of us she favors with language like that?”

Since her head was itching, Applejack took her hat off and dropped it over the unicorn filly, who thought it was just the greatest thing. After a quick ear-scratch, she confronted the question, but with more than a touch of discomfort. “Twi’s a librarian, and she’s pretty durned focused on keeping the library organized, but by whatever she considers ordered, I suppose. Still, she wigs out whenever she’s even the least bit late to something. Ah can’t say for sure what she meant either, except it’s pretty obvious who got closer to Marian.”

“Hindsight is always more accurate than sight.” Flam floated a loose apple off the ground and took a bite. “Language is supposed to be for communication. My brother and I have talked with ponies all over the world.”

“Twistin’ their words to make a few bits,” added Applejack.

“Using their words to show how greedy they were.” Flam tossed a few more loose apples into an empty basket while waiting on Big Mac to show. “You can’t talk somepony into doing something they don’t want to do in the first place. You can’t trick an honest pony. Everypony we sold to thought they were going to get something more than what they were paying for.”

“Not me,” grumbled Applejack. “You hit the Apple family right where it hurt, sayin’ how you could do somethin’ better than what we been doin’ for generations. It weren’t greed you hit me with, it was pride.”

“Pride or insecurity?” asked Flam. “If indeed you were secure in your knowledge that the Apple family cider was the best in Equestria, you would not have been so eager to prove yourself. And as you admitted, the product our device provided was comparable with your own, at least before we got greedy.”

It took a few minutes, but eventually Applejack admitted, “Ah suppose.” She scooped up the unicorn foal, who had just spotted a fascinating butterfly headed for something most probably dangerous and distant. “What did you think you were gonna do after you took over our farm?”

“Build it up. Make it better. Take over more farms and build better machines to harvest and plant until we controlled the whole valley. Maybe all of Equestria. Thousands of farms and factories, all churning out food and smoke and machines…” He paused with the half-eaten apple floating in front of his face.

“It don’t sound like your world would be a very nice place to raise a foal.” Applejack held Apple Sprout cradled in one foreleg, feeling the sun-warmed heat of her coat against her chest and the wriggles she was making in order to escape to freedom. The sounds of Big Mac trotting in their direction were beginning to grow in the background, so she did not have much time to admonish the insensitive stallion before it would be time to get back to work. “Maybe you shoulda thought of that afore trying to scam a couple of honest ponies out of their life. Maybe you shoulda thought about that afore your brother got some innocent young librarian with foal. Maybe you should have—”

“Applejack!” Princess Twilight Sparkle waved from where she was trotting along beside Big Mac, with no empty wagon in sight. “I’ve got the train tickets ready for you and Big Mac for our trip to Appleloosa, but we need to leave soon if we’re all going to get to the train station an hour before boarding.”

“Train?” Applejack looked over at Flam, who shrugged. “Ah didn’t know we were takin’ a trip to see Braeburn today.”

“I have it all worked out,” said Twilight while pulling a sheaf of paper out of her sidesaddle bag. “I’ve got the tickets, the schedule, copies of my correspondence with the investors in Dodge Junction and Appleloosa, my letter to you and Big Mac with all the details…” She paused with the loose piece of paper flapping in the gentle breeze blowing through the apple trees in the orchard. “Oops?”

“Just a minor communication mixup, Your Highness,” said Flam, scooping his niece out of Applejack’s forelegs. “Applejack and I were just talking about something similar. My brother and I will be happy to watch the farm while you’re gone and give it back upon your return,” he added with a sly smile. “We promise.”

* ♥ *

“Ah ain’t happy about this,” grumbled Applejack in the dining car of the train as it clattered along on the way to Appleloosa. An untasted salad sat on the table in front of her, although Big Mac had already finished his and was casting small envious glances at the heaps of lettuce and croutons she was ignoring. “And it ain’t just because we’re leaving them two scammers alone back at home. Ah don’t see why the ‘investors’ in their project had to pull both me and Big Mac into this.”

“I may have accidentally told them about Flim and Flam working on your farm to raise the money to pay them back,” said Twilight. She grimaced and shuffled a few sheets of paper filled with scribbled numbers. “It was all I could do to keep them from coming to Ponyville. That’s why I didn’t want to bring Spike along. Things could get nasty.”

Applejack grunted. “Well, don’t we need to go to both towns?”

“It’s better for us to meet with them all at once in Appleloosa,” admitted Twilight with a guilty rub to the back of her neck. “Every one of them has a different story, and the amount of money they say they’ve lost keeps changing. I couldn’t make sense of it just from their letters, so I thought going and talking to them in one place would work out better. After we’re all done, I thought we could take a trip to Dodge Junction and find the best way to talk to Marian about—” Twilight lowered her voice to a whisper “—the foal.”

“Ah don’t know if it’s a good idea to bring that right up to her, Twi.” Now it was Applejack’s turn to rub the back of her neck. “Ah mean she’s a country librarian, and havin’ a princess come right up to her and start talkin’ about the foal she gave up for adoption would be more than a mite intimidating. Ah thought you would try and kinda work around the back end of the problem, talk to the adoption agency in Canter Creek where she was put up or somethin’ like that.”

“I found out that not even a princess can get access to the adoption records without the permission of both parents.” Twilight produced a sheaf of papers with ‘Denied’ stamped all over them. “I didn’t think it was a good idea to interview Flim about Apple Sprout before we met with the investors, because you said you wanted to keep this quiet, and if they are up to something with that innocent foal, I didn’t want to scare them off before we obtained hard evidence against them. That really only leaves one option. We have to go to Dodge Junction and talk to Marian.”

“Then there ain’t no option,” said Applejack bluntly. “Ah ain’t gonna drag her through this just because of a couple of scheming scoundrels. If’n you can’t find out about Apple Sprout’s adoption through regular means, we’re just gonna have to trust…” Applejack swallowed and jammed her hat down tighter on her head. “We’ll have to trust those two not to be lyin’ again. Aunt Orange will be able to tell us if’n they’re really kin, an’ if they’re not…”

Big Mac gently placed one forehoof against the other and tapped his horseshoes together.

“That’s not what I mean,” growled Applejack. “Jus’ because they lie to us on one thing don’t mean they ain’t lyin’ to us on another. Flim seems right concerned about that foal, jus’ like he’s the real pappa. And I ain’t kickin’ no innocent foal out onto the countryside no matter what kind of scoundrel she’s got for a pappa.”

Appleloosa was the same as it had been the last time Applejack had visited, but only a smidge more dusty and with a lot more suspicious looks. There was an actual delegation from both Dodge Junction and Appleloosa standing on the train station platform to greet Princess Twilight and the Apple family, but no smiles there either, and no sign of Braeburn, which proved he was smarter than he looked.

The group of ponies were familiar to Applejack, and kept mostly to their town’s side of the crowd, except for their spokespony, Cherry Jubilee, who was standing in front with the largest frown out of the entire group. Princess Twilight Sparkle stepped forward with a broad smile to greet them, but Cherry spoke first.

“Twilight Sparkle, I hope you’ve dragged those two crooks along with you so we can lock them up.” The gathered group of ponies which Applejack was trying not to think of as a mob growled agreement in a most unfriendly way, which set Twilight was temporarily aback at their hostility. She paged quickly through her collection of notecards while Big Mac was no help, leaving Applejack to step forward and give her friend a few minutes to restore her composure.

“Now hold on there a minute,” she said with just as much force in her words as she could muster. The thought of those two scoundrels behind bars did not hold as much appeal to her now as it did before she had been introduced to Apple Sprout, but it still was just a mite tempting, and she really had doubts about which group she belonged in. “We’re here to listen to your piece about them two varmints… I mean salesponies, but we ain’t lockin’ them up without a trial.”

“They took my money!” shouted one pony, promptly followed by several others until the whole crowd was shouting.

“We got that already!” bellowed Applejack with enough volume to shut them all up for a moment. “Once we get figured out who done gave what money to who for what, we’ll figure out what to do about it!”

“Lock ’em up!” chorused several of the ponies, although quieter than before.

“Is that gonna get yer money back?” Applejack snorted and pawed one hoof. “They done showed up in Ponyville without a bit to their name. Lessin’ you think you can squeeze bits out of their greasy yellow hides, y’all need to sit down and listen to Twilight.”

“Um… Thank you, Applejack.” Twilight Sparkle cleared her throat and arranged her notecards. “The first thing I’m going to need is a general overview of Flim and Flam’s activities in both towns during the time in question a year ago. For starters, what did you pay your money for, sir?” She looked directly at the loudest pony, who hesitated at the sudden royal attention and swallowed once before responding in a much quieter tone of voice.

“Um… Princess Twilight. You see… I’m Quick Curd and I’ve got this yogurt plant in Appleloosa where we get our cherries from Miss Jubilee in Dodge Junction.” The pony nodded at Cherry Jubilee so briskly that his cowpony hat almost fell off. “The quality of the incoming cherries has always been pretty good, but every once in a while, a bad one or two slips through—”

“I’ll bet those two rascals slipped some bad cherries into the batch,” snapped Cherry, looking anything but happy. “We didn’t have any problems with our quality control until they came into town.”

The pony fidgeted and bit his bottom lip before continuing. “Like I said, we don’t normally get very many bad cherries in our shipments, but Flim and Flam promised us a cherry separator that would catch every single bad cherry that slips through. Part of their Cherry-Master 7000 includes this magical quality control device that can be tuned to reject even the slightest flaws in the incoming product.”

“Yeah, we done seen that in their last contraption,” muttered Applejack. “I suppose part of that gadget harvests ’em too, right?”

The pony glanced over at Cherry Jubilee with a rather guilty expression, and the cherry farmer spoke up. “Yes it does, or at least it was supposed to. Those two scammers went to each of us in turn with a different name for their device and cut a separate deal where we would invest in their project and they would split the profits evenly with us. The problem is they promised each of us a fifty-fifty split.”

“That seems fair,” said Twilight. “They provide the technical expertise and you provide the funding, and you split the profits.”

“Um, Twi?” Applejack shuffled a forehoof in the dusty ground. “You’re missin’ part of what they been saying.”

“I don’t think so,” said Twilight with her head cocked to one side and a thoughtful look on her face. “Fifty-fifty means half for the investors and half for the innovators. You see, there are only one hundred percentum in a whole object. It’s not like they promised each of the investors in each town…” Twilight blinked several times at the concept of somepony violating basic numbers in such a disgraceful fashion. “It wasn’t an accident, was it?”

“Nope,” said Applejack. “Ah really doubt it.”

“That’s… Why would… It’s basic division,” she finished as a weak protest.

“More like subtraction,” said Applejack. “Y’all got a place around here where we can sit down and wrangle out the particulars of this here scheme? An’ if somepony could get Twilight a glass of water, that’d be nice too.”

Big Mac cleared his throat.

“Yeah, I suppose so,” said Applejack. “Afore we get into the numbers, mah brother would like to take a look at this contraption and see if’n it was just as full of hot air and promises as them two scoundrels.”

“That’s a good idea, Big Mac.” Faced with a problem which could be solved by quill and ink, Twilight Sparkle pulled a notebook out of her bag. “We can get an inventory of the parts in the device and compare them to the receipts I’ve gathered to see if there are any discrepancies. Part of any criminal fraud investigation is to see if liquidating the project can produce enough bits to pay the investors back most of their initial investment.”

“I was promised a hefty return on my bits!” declared one of the onlookers.

“An’ you ain’t gonna get it,” snapped Applejack right back. “That’s just what those two do. They hornswoggle ponies into thinking they’re gonna get something for nuthin or at least next to it. And that’s what they get too, is nuthin. They play you for your greed until all you can see is that big pile of bits in the future an’ you don’t pay no nevermind to the pile of bits you lose in the process. If’n you can get most of your money back, you’re lucky!”

“Easy for you to say,” shouted another pony in the crowd. “You didn’t lose any money!”

“Ah came durned near to losin’ my family farm to them two slimy snakes because I was too durned proud to see how I was bein’ played!” she snapped back. “An’ Granny, she plum near got herself hurt because she believed their line of hooey about that worthless tonic of theirs.”

“You mean this stuff is no good?” A scrawny stallion with buck teeth pushed his way up to the front of the crowd while carrying a familiar-looking bottle. “They said it would—”

“The only use that durned tonic has is Granny found it mixed pretty well with her rheumatism medicine.”

And drops it down about fifty proof so it goes down smoother.

“Well then, why are you protecting them?”

Applejack scowled. “Because they deserve an honest chance to make things better, even if I think they’re just cooking up another scheme. Ah’d do that for any of ya, stranger or kin. They may have took advantage of both of your towns, but we can stick together and help each other through this. Who knows, maybe some good will come of all of this.”

“That’s right, Applejack.” Twilight looked up from where she had been taking notes. “For example, Quick Curd there.” She pointed her quill at the suddenly hesitant yogurt producer. “You said your yogurt production has issues whenever the product you buy from Cherry Jubilee has a bad cherry or two in it. Have you ever told her about the problem?”

“Uhh…” The chubby stallion ran one milk-white hoof around the inside of his shirt collar neck. “Not exactly. I haven’t had time.”

Cherry Jubilee prodded the reluctant stallion with the tip of one hoof. “That’s not true, Quick. Every week it seems you’re over to Dodge Junction, wanting to look over some aspect of production with me. Why, we spent so much time together this summer, some ponies around town said they thought we was courting.”

“Maybe we should show the princess the equipment we confiscated,” said Quick Curd rather rapidly. “It’s right this way, in one of the city warehouses.”

After a brief squabble to determine their agenda for the day, the group set off to the warehouse in question. At least the shouting had died down to a low grumbling while the group of Appleloosans guided their guests through town, which gave Twilight Sparkle a chance to slip up beside Applejack and have a few private words.

“They certainly seem angry at us,” whispered Twilight as they walked.

“Not really,” said Applejack with a sharp look around at the angry investors, who kept their distance. “They’re just plain angry, Twi. An’ since they ain’t got the ponies that cheated them here to be angry at, they’re angry at the ponies they got. I know just how they feel too, because every time one of those city ponies told about how they got hornswoggled by those two scoundrels, I see myself betting the farm just on account of our Apple family pride.”

“Do you think you did the right thing, taking them in like that?” Twilight Sparkle lowered her voice and looked around, most likely looking for her fellow librarian. “I mean they are trying to make things right for their foal, but I don’t think it’s right not to tell Marian about how the father isn’t quite as bad as she might think he is. The two of them could have just vanished off into some far corner of Equestria instead of coming to you with their daughter. I mean niece. Daughter and niece.”

Applejack laid her ears back and frowned despite herself. “Ah still can’t help but think this is all some big scheme of theirs, even with Sprout. Ah’ll bet that barn that the Appleloosa investors done put their latest widget into ain’t full of nuttin’ but broken promises and lies neither.”

* ♥ *

It took a while to get the chains and locks off the front of the city warehouse, and two workers in huge cowpony hats pushed a large wagon full of pieces and parts out into the sunshine. The partially-completed device was considerably larger than the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000, and looked properly impressive with all of the whirling widgets and blinking buttons that would certainly whirl and blink once it was all done. But for now, the complicated device looked forlorn, without any paint or polish and with nearly a year’s worth of dust from being stuffed in the warehouse after being confiscated. Twilight was obviously enthused by the scientific possibilities of the boxes of parts piled up on it, and Big Mac poked around with his usual enthusiasm for complicated gadgets, even though it was obvious he could not make heads or tails out of it.

“Seems to be an awful lot of widgets there for one machine,” said Applejack, more to herself than expecting any answer. Cherry Jubilee had strolled up beside her and nodded in agreement.

“Once the ponies in both towns were onto the two scoundrels, we started comparing notes. They promised their new machine would do everything we needed. It was supposed to be able to pick, pit, sort, grade, prune, store, freeze and I don’t know what else.” Cherry Jubilee rolled her eyes. “They had an answer for everything we asked, right up to the point where we started showing up in groups.”

“With torches and pitchforks?” asked Applejack.

Cherry shrugged. “It’s traditional. For a couple of city ponies, they sure could run fast.”

“Experience,” said Applejack. “Look, it’s gonna take forever for Big Mac and Twi to get done playing with their new toy—”

“I heard that,” called out Twilight, although only her tail was visible from where she had climbed into a section of the machine while tracing a rather complicated collection of wires and crystals.

“—so why don’t we find someplace quiet to sit down a spell with the paperwork and try to make sense out of it? Probably don’t want to go to the Watering Hole, on account of the rest of them townsfolk being cranky enough without any salt in ’em.”

“I know just the place,” said Cherry Jubilee.

Author's Note

More fun editor's notes.
(On City vs. Country Ponies)
Tek: not sure this place counts as a city, maybe townsponies?
Me: No, I want to keep the City/Country divide as black and white as possible.
Tek: AJ's been to Canterlot. This isn't a city.
Me: This is a A/B compare. Heck, the people inside Ponyville are considered City Ponies to AJ, with all that durned inside plumbing and luxuries. Not like us simple country folk. Just a sec, I got a text on my hog futures...

Heck, we farmers know where it's at: