Mind Your Table Manners

by Godzillawolf

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Main 6
Length: 6341

Rarity brought a centerpiece for the mane six's dinner table. From the Castle of the Two Sisters. This can only go well.

The Council of Friendship decides to make it a point to have dinner together as friends, and Rarity decides to get a proper table centerpiece for the occasion. The good news is, she finds one. The bad news is it may make dinner a little more interesting than anyone intended.

I admit, this one was a lot of fun to do and I feel I managed to make it quite original flavor.

Commissioned by Alexwarlorn!

My Little Pony belongs to Hasbro!

Thanks to Megumi-Arakaki for the Cover Art!

Published 2017-05-16 23:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-05-16 23:30:01 UTC

A Simple Dinner

“Um, Rarity...” muttered Fluttershy, eyes darting around the Castle of the Two Sisters, remembering exactly how things went the last time she'd let Rarity bring her here alone. Granted, nothing bad happened, but spending the night running around an ancient castle, screaming, and thinking Angel had been crushed wasn't exactly the timid pegasus's definition of a fun time. Even if they'd repaired the castle a good bit, being deep in the Everfree Forest with just the two of them had a certain unease to it.

“Well, I noticed that the our dinner table back at the Castle doesn't have any nice centerpieces...okay, three of them do, but not the main one, darling,” the fashionista remarked, looking over the ancient structure. “And we are going to have our regular dinners there, so it just feels wrong to be missing one...”

“Oh...okay...” Fluttershy said, creeping along behind her.

The fashionista looked at the Alicorn statue busts around the rooms. “Hmm...these would look good...” The mare picked up one of the busts, then noticed their position. “But it'd ruin this room's symmetry...” She put it back and continued looking around.

“Too big...” said Rarity, looking at the big, now repaired Alicorn statue.

“Too small...” she muttered, looking at a tiny figurine found on one of the shelves.

“Too scary...” Fluttershy muttered, looking at one of the suits of black armor lining the hall Applejack and Rainbow Dash had gotten scared in.

“I was thinking more how it didn't match the décor of Twilight's castle, but logical point,” the fashionista replied.

“Oh come now, there has to be something fitting for a Princess's dinner table!” Rarity growled, trotting into another room. She noticed the large star on the door and a star studded wizard robe and hat hanging in the corner, but saw no particular significance to either.

Fluttershy gave a quick look over the room. She lacked most of Rarity's artistic vision, but she did have some of her own...and honestly didn't want to stay alone with just the two of them in the gigantic, ancient structure in the forest of death for much longer. The yellow pegasus finally tapped Rarity on the shoulder after seeing one item in particular. “Rarity, will that work?”

The fashionista looked over and gave an excited gasp as her eyes fell on a beautiful golden statue of an Alicorn with jewels colored like the Elements of Harmony around the base of it. The mare gave a squee and dashed over to the statue and looked it over. “Oh, darling it's perfect! Beautiful and the jewels are perfectly fitting for us!”

“Yay...can we go now?”

Rarity gave a nod, looking back to the timid mare. “Oh, yes darling! Let's go! Oh Twilight is going to love this!” She lead the two out of the room...Fluttershy having failed to notice the actual card that had been laying in front of the statue to describe it. Namely 'For Teaching Piggish Princesses Thy Lesson'.

Twilight hummed as she, her student, and Spike sat the table for the 'Council of Friendship's' dinner. Eating together had become a recurring event even before she got her gigantic castle, they just now had a good place for it. In light of that, Rarity had made the suggestion they make it a bit more formal of an occasion. Not full dresses or anything, but more of a scheduled meeting than just randomly decide to have dinner together at some. Granted, they still just brought whatever meal they wanted to bring, as trying to get seven ponies with unique and very differing tastes and a baby dragon to agree on a singular meal had proven to be an exercise in futility.

“Twilight! Spike! Starlight!”

The Princess of Friendship turned to see Rarity enter the room. While the occasion was less than formal, Rarity being Rarity was wearing a full dress of the fanciest sort. “Hello, Rarity!...Uh, you do know this is just a little get-together, right?”

Rarity tossed her mane and took a pose. “I know, darling, but I always dress my best no matter what the situation.”

“I think you look wonderful, Rarity,” said Spike, placing some plates and giving the unicorn his typical lovestruck look.

“Thank you, Spike,” the fashionista replied with a smile. “Oh! And darling, while you're making the table, mind putting this lovely statue as the centerpiece?” she asked, producing the statue she'd acquired at the Castle of the Two Sisters from her saddle bags and handing it to the baby dragon.

Spike nodded and took it. “Sure, Rarity. Looks beautiful.” The little drake put the statue in the center of the table. Starlight adjusted it a bit with her telekinesis.

“I know, I just felt that if we were going to make this our main eating spot in the castle, it just had to have a wonderful centerpiece! It simply would not do to settle for anything else!” the white unicorn declared.

Twilight looked over, examining the statue. “It's wonderful, Rarity, it really is, but you didn't have to...again.” The Princess wondered if the fashionista considered furbishing the castle's many unused rooms a personal challenge.

“Oh, I know, darling, but I wanted to,” Rarity replied with a sincere smile.

Before this conversation could continue, the door flew open and Applejack trotted in with Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy close behind. “Howdy, everypony.”

“Hello girls!” called Twilight. Rarity, Spike, and Starlight gave a wave along with her.

Starlight blinked, looking around. “Where's Rainbow Dash?”

Before anyone could answer, said pegasus landed at the window, still in her Wonderbolts uniform. “Hey girls! Sorry I'm late! Wonderbolts practice ran a little long,” Rainbow Dash explained, giving a wave and jumping down to the floor and removing her uniform's mask. “And I had to pick up mine and Twilight's dinner on the way.”

“No prob, we know yer workin' hard,” Applejack replied, putting her meal in her place. Namely some rather delicious looking apple fritters, enough that if it was anypony but Applejack, one would probably make one think the pony needed to go on a diet. “What all did you girls bring?”

Pinkie Pie, despite not wearing saddle bags or any other method of carrying anything, ducked below the table and out of sight, then popped back up with enough sweets to give a dentist a heart attack.

Rainbow Dash reached into her saddle bags and produced two bags of hayburgers and fries, hoofing one to Twilight. “There you go Twilight.”

The Princess of Friendship licked her lips. “Thanks, Rainbow.”

“No prob, I was dying for a double hayburger and fries myself, and Wonderbolts practice makes you hungry,” the Wonderbolt replied, putting hers on the table.

Rarity produced a fancy meal of her own that only she probably knew the name of. “What about you, Fluttershy?”

Fluttershy...just put an apple and a very small salad on the table. “...I didn't feel like anything fancy...”

“It's alright, neither did I,” Starlight added in, simply taking out some of Sugar Belles baked goods she'd saved from the Our Town victory party after defeating Chrysalis.

Spike placed a bowl bigger than his own head of jewels on the table and licked his lips. “Alright, let's dig in!”

The group collectively nodded before beginning to eat.

Rarity carefully cut her food and took dainty bites. Then cringed at the sounds of much less refined eating nearby.

Applejack had just taken to practically inhaling her food, showing no real care for how she looked.

Pinkie was literally inhaling her food in an equally messy manner. As in her mouth looked and behaved like a vacuum cleaner, complete with the proper sounds.

Despite her princess status, Twilight still had a weakness for hayburgers, as the Cutie Mark Crusaders could attest to, and messily dug into hers.

Spike just buried his face in his bowl of jewels and munched away.

Rarity gave an annoyed sigh. Her eyes wondered to Fluttershy, who as one would expect, was merely taking small bites of food. Not actively trying to eat with proper manners, but not making a slob of herself either. Starlight's eating was...neutral. Completely and utterly neutral and plain. Not bad in any fashion, but as plain as Our Town had been. Some things simply do not change.

However, what did surprise her, was Rainbow Dash. While certainly not being refined, she wasn't scarfing down her hayburger like mad. Rather taking a few measured bites of it at a time.

“My, Rainbow Dash, I expected you to be...how do I put it, rambunctious in your eating habits...” Rarity said, casting a surprised glance at her other friends.

The cyan pegasus swallowed the bite she was chewing and chuckled. “Hard to be when you're a stunt flyer. Eat too fast and you feel all bloated and that's a pain while flying. That and if you think getting seasick after eating too fast is bad, try getting sick in the middle of a stunt. Besides, where's the fun in scarfing down your food so fast that you can't taste it?”

Rarity gave a smile. “Well, I wish everypony would at least feel the same...”

Unnoticed by anypony, the statue taken from the Castle of the Two Sisters began to glow slightly.

Applejack swallowed the mouthful of food she was eating. “Oh come on, Rare! What's wrong with pigging out a little bit? We ain't at a big fancy party in Canterlot.” The mare didn't notice her ears begin to glimmer.

“There's nothing wrong with eating that much if you can burn it off,” Rarity replied. “You're a farmer and Pinkie Pie is...Pinkie Pie.”

“Yep!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed with a grin...unnoticing that her tail began to glow as she took another gulp.

“But how you eat it is about more than looking fancy, it's about how you treat yourself and how you look to others!” Rarity replied. “Look at Fluttershy, Starlight, and Rainbow Dash! They aren't trying to be fancy, they just don't see fit to stuff their entire meal down their throats at once!” she replied, cutting a piece of food and gingerly eating it, not noticing her back glowing slightly.

“I never thought I'd say this, but I'm kinda with Rarity on this one,” Rainbow Dash replied with a chuckle. “I like a big meal as much as the next mare, but I'm not dumb enough to make myself sick then go flying...unless it's a eating contest with AJ, which we already had, and oh boy did I regret that afterward. The side of her barn could attest to that,” The cyan pegasus savored another bite of her burger, not noticing a small spark of magic on her forehead. Applejack just shot her a flat, irritated look at that memory. “Then again, only me, Shy, and Twilight actually have to worry about flying, but you get the point.”

“While you have a point on the unhealthy effects...of eating too fast,” said Twilight, taking another bite of her hayburger and getting ketchup all over her face. She didn't notice a glimmer of magic forming on her nose. “Doing it once in awhile isn't too bad.”

“Yes, but it depends on the situation. Doing it at a large gathering, darling?” Rarity questioned. “It not only gives a bad impression, it can disturb the eating experience of others...”

Applejack merely rolled her eyes. “Never disturbs the family back home. Shucks, you should see Apple Bloom eat sometimes!” she said with a chuckle...then blinking as instead of a laugh, an oink came out. “What the...”

“Applejack, your ears!” Twilight exclaimed, eyes wide.

The farmer pony felt her ears, and sure enough found them a completely different shape and much less furry than normal. It was then her turn to give her friend a wide-eyed look. “Twili', your nose!”

The Princess of Friendship blinked, putting a hoof to her nose to find it'd changed shape. Looking in the reflection of her crystal table (one advantage of having a palace made of shiny crystal was the bits one saved on mirrors) and found a pig's nose in place of her normal muzzle. She would've given a startled winnie...but instead gave a frightened squeal.

“Oink oink! Look!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, turning her flank up to reveal a swirly pig's tail. “I'm a piggy!”

“What's going on?” Spike asked, pulling his head out of his bowl of gems to reveal like Twilight, his nose had been transfigured into that of a pig's.

“AH!” screamed Twilight, looking at the baby dragon's transformed features.

“AH!” the baby dragon screamed in return at Twilight's.

“AHH!”

“AHHH!”

“AHHHH!”

“AHHHHHHHHHH!” both of them screamed together.

Rainbow Dash tried to stifle a chuckle, but failed, instead falling out of her chair in full on laughter. “Looks like you really are pigs now!” she said, going to wipe a laughter induced tear from her eye...then blinking when her hoof hit something on her forehead. “What the...” she muttered, running her hoof along something long and pointy extending from her forehead. She got up and looked in her reflection in the crystal to find a unicorn horn now emerging from her forehead.

Rarity's eyes went wide as she tried to get up...and found herself somehow getting tangled in her chair. Looking back, she found a pair of white wings extended from her back was responsible for that. “...Okay, normally I would consider this a dream come true, but the circumstances are not exactly ideal.”

Starlight looked back to find a pair of wings on her back as well. “...On one hoof, old me would hate being an Alicorn and being above everypony else...on the other hoof, us all being Alicorns would technically make us all equal.”

Fluttershy touched her forehead and didn't find a horn...yet. However, in the process of turning to check on Rainbow Dash, she somehow ripped the chair in half. “Oops...sorry Twilight...”

“Least of my problems right now!” Twilight replied, tumbling out of her chair as her ears turned into those of a pig's and her hooves into more pig-like one's. There was no horror movie style transformation, only flashes of light.

“Oink oink! This is kinda fun!” Pinkie Pie called, her ears and nose flashing to more pigish ones.

“Twilight, did yah or Starlight try some fancy new spell that went horribly wrong?” Applejack questioned, her tail and nose joining her ears.

“NO!” both answered at the same time.

Spike lost his balance as his hind feet and legs became like those of a pig, his ears following. “Aren't you girls more concerned about this?!” he yelled, showing considerably more panic than the others.

“No offense, darling, but this isn't the craziest thing to ever happen to us,” Rarity noted, then gave an eek when she got down and cracked the floor with her first step, while Fluttershy gained a horn. “That said, would somepony tell me what's going on here?!”

Rainbow Dash grumbled, deciding to just fly up to avoid damaging things. Starlight tried to do likewise...and misjudged herself, going headfirst into the ceiling and cracking it. “I've got a guess...” she said, narrowing her eyes suspiciously. “DISCORD!”

Nothing happened.

“DISCORD! COME OUT!” the cyan Alicorn shouted again.

Still nothing, except for the flashes of light signifying Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Spike turning more into pigs.

Rainbow Dash growled, horn glowing with a rainbow aura.

Outside the castle, Ponyville was going about its day. It'd been quite quiet since Lord Tirek's attack. After all, the last three crises that had necessitated the local heroines' direct attention had been in a distant town none of the locals had ever heard of, in the past and several alternate timelines, and mostly confined to the Castle of Friendship.

“DISCORD! GET YOUR MIX AND MATCHED TAIL OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!” roared a familiar cyan Pegasus's voice. What wasn't familiar was that she was using the Royal Canterlot Voice.

The citizens of Ponyville looked to the castle...then returned to their day, deciding to let the six ponies with the Friendship Rainbow of Doom handle any trouble the Chaos Spirit may have caused.

Rainbow Dash blinked, noting that everypony else was covering their now ringing ears and she'd shattered all the glasses. She gave a sheepish chuckle, rubbing the back of her head. “Woops...sorry girls...Ugh! Where is that sneaky Draconequus?!”

Fluttershy, who had been trying to put the chair she'd been sitting in back together, cleared her throat. “Um...Discord...can you come here, please?” she asked in a tone barely above a whisper.

On that cue, Discord instantly appeared in a flash of light. And for some reason was dressed in a black suit and looking somewhat like a zombie. And also black and white. “You rang?” he asked in a monotone voice. “Hehe, I wonder how many of you are old enough for THAT reference!” he asked, looking directly at the fourth wall. “Now, what did you want, Fluttershy?”

Discord finally got a good look at his best friend as he turned to face and blinked. “Oh! Fluttershy! Hasbro finally decided to make you an Alicorn! It's about time!” he exclaimed, seeming genuinely excited by the prospect as he lifted Fluttershy up. “I was honestly worried Starlight would beat you to it!” To emphasis his point, he held the yellow pegasus with his lion arm and pointed to Starlight with his eagle talon. He then blinked again, noticing the light heliotrope Alicorn's wings. “...Ugh, way to do the predictable thing...”

“Enough with the funny business, Discord!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, flying up in his face...and having to stop herself before she accidentally poked him with her horn.

Discord looked Rainbow in the eyes, then slowly traced up her face with a slide whistle sound effect. He then looked over to Rarity, noting her wings. “...I suppose I should've seen this coming, but geeze, we've still got all of Season 7, Season 8, and a movie! You'd think they'd space it out a little bit before all of you joined the horn and wings club!”

“Not all of us...” Applejack said, she and Pinkie Pie now full pigs, though maintaining their natural coloration and mane. Her hat was now the wrong shape for her head and she found herself repeatedly pushing it back up with her little pigfeet. And having to stand on her chair just to see everything.

What happened when the Draconequus got a look at the other half of the group was predictable.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Discord cackled, rolling on his back and holding his stomach. He stopped, then looked at the group again before resuming his uncontrolled laughter. “My my, what happened here?! Did Princess Piggy over there mess up another spell?! Or was it her faithful student this time?! HAHAHAHAHA!” The Draconequus gave a yelp as his head separated from his neck to evade a rainbow colored energy beam that left the floor smoking before reattaching. “...Spoiled sport.”

Rainbow Dash glared, horn still smoking. “Come off it! I know you did this!”

Discord gave a gasp, putting a claw to his chest. “Moi? Oh come on Rainbow Dash, you really think I would do something like this to my best friends?”

The cyan alicorn merely glared. “Yes.”

Instead of just standing up like a rational person, Discord teleported up to his feet and turned his nose up. “Then you don't know me very well! Let me enlighten you.” The Spirit of Chaos cleared his throat and snapped his fingers, donning a teacher's outfit. “While you being an Alicorn is creative, Rarity being one? Come on now! That's predictable! And Applejack being a pig is so painfully cliché that it would be an insult to my sensibilities to even consider it! And look at your numbers! You're half and half! I would have decided who is what by throwing darts at a board with pictures of random things!” he explained, speaking as he was dressed. “This is beneath me!...But I'm still going to laugh at it anyway. HAHAHAHAHA!”

Twilight growled, her and Spike now transformed completely into a pair of purple pigs. “Discord! This isn't funny!”

“Oh, yes it is! But I'm telling the truth, it wasn't me this time.” The Draconequus cleared his throat. “Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye, I Pinkie Promise I had nothing to do with this,” he said, doing the motions...a bit more literally than they had ever been done before. His eye poked all the way through the cupcake in it.

Princess Twilight opened her mouth to say something...then gave an annoyed oink, the lavender pig crossing her front legs. “...Fine! But if you didn't do this, who did?!”

Discord was suddenly in an award host's uniform and opened his mouth as a drum roll from nowhere played. “I...have absolutely no idea!”

Applejack growled, the now pudgy orange pig clumsily climbing up on the table to look Discord in the eye. “Well then can't yah just snap your fingers and turn us back?!”

“And why would I do that, you're such a cute little piggy,” Discord said in an intentionally cutesy voice solely to be as irritating as possible, pinching her cheek with his talon.

Fluttershy flew over to her friend as Applejack nearly bit his finger. “Discord, can you please turn us all back?...Please?”

Discord's expression softened...and he actually looked kind of sad, looking at Fluttershy's wings. “Well...maybe...but...” he said, getting a smirk. “Not right now. You see me and the Smooze were having a house party in my realm to celebrate my helping save Equestria!” the Draconequus replied, snapping his fingers and appearing dressed as Superstallion, chest puffed out heroically. “And I can't just leave a bunch of interdimensional beings who aren't quite sane alone for very long! Last time I came back to find out my cousin Bill had redecorated the place so Tuesday was Saturday, blue was plaid, and his face was everywhere!...Granted only the last one was annoying, and he's been punched into oblivion by an old monkey since then, but you get the point!”

The Draconequus teleported back a few feet and opened a door in the fabric of the universe to reveal his house back in Chaosville, which sounded like a wild collage party was going on. “Enjoy temporary Alicorndom!...And maybe get these piggies something a little more fitting...” he said, snapping his claws, resulting in Applejack, Twilight, Pinkie Pie, and Spike finding themselves in the air...right above a manifested pool of mud on the floor. The four gave a panicked squeal as they fell into the pool. “Toodles! Prismo! Can you whip up some of those pickles of yours?”

“Discord, wait-” Twilight shouted, rising up covered in mud...right as the door slammed shut and disappeared. “...ARGH! Sometimes that Draconequus gives me such a headache!”

“Oink oink! Silly Twilight! That's the wrong Pony Rangers bad guy!” Pinkie Pie chuckled, rolling in the mud like a proper pig, and seeming to rather enjoy herself. “The evil witch was the one with the headaches, not the pig! He got heartburn!”

Spike gave an irritated sigh, stepping out of the mud pit. “I'm the one who's going to have to clean that up, aren't I?”

Applejack grumbled, using a pig hoof to wipe mud off her nose. “So, anypony else got any ideas?” She got back to her hooves, though admitted the mud felt oddly good. She shook her head to clear that thought...and caused Rarity to eep and jump away from a thrown bit of mud...and her wings kicked in, launching her into the ceiling.

“Here's one: Twilight, just poof us back,” Spike pointed out flatly.

“Oh, right...” the lavender pig replied and tried to do that...only to realize something. “I don't have a horn...Starlight?”

“On it...” said her student, still rubbing her head from crashing into the ceiling earlier. Her horn glowed and the room was basked in a flash of light...

Twilight blinked her eyes to clear them...and found herself still a mud covered pig. “What?!”

Starlight tapped her horn. “I know that was the 'dispel transformation' spell! It must be too powerful of a spell for me to break!”

“Anypony got a glowing Cutie Mark?” Rainbow Dash asked, still trying to stay away from anything breakable...and avoid letting her emotions or excitement send off another spell. “Maybe there's some new villain for us to make taste the rainbow that's causing this!”

The group checked their flanks faster than the Cutie Mark Crusaders had before earning their marks...and found nothing, except that the three pigified ponies still had their Cutie Marks.

“Ugh...I'm going to go check my books for any magical creature infestation that might cause this!” Twilight exclaimed, getting out of Discord's manifested mud pit...and leaving muddy prints on the ground.

“Twilight!” Rarity exclaimed, flying over...and accidentally breaking off the top of another chair with the Earth Pony strength she had no experience controlling. “You're tracking mud everywhere!”

Twilight jumped with a squeal, then looked down at the hooves she currently had, still trying to balance right on them. They weren't the same shape as her equine ones...and them being covered in mud, as Rarity had implied, certainly didn't help. “Woops...”

“Don't worry, darling, I think a little cleaning spell I know will do the trick...” said Rarity, as always having a distaste for dirt. She tried the spell, but the result was a little stronger than expected. Namely, instead of just a quick blast of magic to clean her off, Twilight was blasted into the wall in a torrent of bubbles with a squeal of fright. “Oops! Sorry darling! I suppose I don't know my own strength like this!”

“It's okay...I know the feeling...” Twilight muttered, sliding down the wall comically. As bubbles floated off.

“Twilight...” Spike muttered, as per usual desiring to be the voice of reason for his sister figure. The purple pig decided not to move from his current spot in the mud pool. After all, Rarity wouldn't like it. “If we try to get to the library with four Alicorns who have no idea what they're doing, then we're probably going to end up with a wrecked castle...well, more wrecked than it already is.”

Twilight looked around the room, noting the twice cracked ceiling, several destroyed chairs, shattered glassware, and scorch mark on the floor. “...Good point...but what are we going to do?! We can't just stay like this!”

Spike tapped his chin, then grumbled something about missing fingers. “...Well...Starlight isn't strong enough to undo the spell...and Discord's too...Discord to do it...what about Celestia?”

The lavender pig's eyes widened. “Spike! I can't let the Princess see me like this! It'd be humiliating!”

The purple pig merely gave a deadpan look. “Any more humiliating than the time you turned us both into goldfish?”

“...I was a filly then...”

“Or the time you literally turned your room upside down?”

“...I was practicing a gravity spell...”

“Or what about the time you managed to turn us both into stinkbugs?”

Twilight was blushing so brightly her face almost looked the proper color for a pig. “Okay, so this...isn't the most humiliating situation she's ever seen me in...”

“Twili', no offense, but Pinkie Pie is literally the only one having a good time,” Applejack pointed out, trying to clean the mud off her hat despite her shorter stature making doing so without getting more mud on it quite the prospect. Pinkie Pie, as before, was still rolling in the mud, while Rarity, Starlight, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy were focused on avoiding their uncontrollable new power causing more destruction than it already had. “Ah'm willin' tah let Princess Celestia see meh like this tah get back tah normal.”

“...Ugh...fine...Send the letter...”

Spike nodded and went to do just that...the realized he couldn't pick up a quill. “Oh right, I don't have hands...again...” He wondered how Puppy Spike over in Sunset's world handled having never had hands to begin with.

Starlight cleared her throat and quickly wrote up a letter via her telekinesis. “There you go, Spike.”

“Thanks Starlight,” the little drake turned pig replied, taking a deep breath and trying to breath fire on the letter to send it...only to end up giving a nonmagical and very pig-like burp. Spike blinked, then blushed. “Uh...excuse me...”

“Ugh, now what?!” Rainbow Dash asked, facehoofing...and nearly knocking herself silly from her own Earth Pony strength, little birds briefly circling her head.

Starlight tapped her chin. “Hmm...Well I've still got my horn, I'll just teleport to Canterlot.”

Twilight's eyes went wide. “Wait, don't-” Her personal student had already teleported away. “-do that...”

“Why?” Applejack asked, wondering how Spike handled being this short all the time.

Starlight blinked, appearing in the air a few miles past Canterlot and just barely catching herself with her telekinetic flight (she didn't trust her new wings...and forgot that she had them in her surprise). “Woops, overshot it...” she muttered, teleporting again.

Coming out of teleportation, Starlight blinked, finding herself in Ghastly Gorge. She then screamed as a Quarray Eel erupted from its hiding spot and tried to eat her. Its jaws snapped shut right as she vanished in another flash of teleportation magic.

The light heliotrope Alicorn blinked, holding her breath in as she found herself underwater. She gave an annoyed look and vanished again.

Princess Celestia merely set in her personal room, drinking tea and enjoying a day without any crises to deal with. Even when the Council of Friendship didn't have villains to deal with, the Royal Pony Sisters dealt with plenty of their own. And something much, much worse than any villain: politics. So it was good for the Dayarch to get a chance to just relax an-

Starlight suddenly appeared, upside down on the table in front of her. The two stared at one another for a few moments. “...Help.”

“And then me, Spike, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie were pigs and they were Alicorns, and I don't know what's happening! I swear I wasn't practicing any transformation spells or anything like that!” Twilight continued, hyperventilating. Which given her current situation, sounded more like the panicked oinks and squeals of a pig. She and the others had gotten washed off while waiting, she was humiliated enough meeting the Princess like this without being covered in mud.

Celestia put a hoof on her transformed fellow Princess. “Calm down, Twilight. We'll figure this out.”

Twilight did the breathing trick that Cadence had taught her. “Alright...”

The group heard a rather rare thing at this point: the more serious Princess of the Night giggling.

“Sister, look,” said Luna, sounding as though she was trying to stifle laughter as she pointed to the statue Rarity had brought back from the Castle.

Celestia put a hoof to her mouth to stifle her own chuckles. “I see, Luna. Twilight, where did you get that statue?”

“Rarity brought it,” the lavender pig replied...and the entire group's eyes were instantly on Rarity.

The white Alicorn gave a nervous chuckle.”Well, darling...I may have found it in the Castle of the Two Sisters and borrowed it...I didn't know it was cursed, I swear! None of the other beautiful things I've taken to refurbish or as temporary dressing ever turned us into pigs and Alicorns!”

“And she's done that a lot...” Fluttershy explained.

“And Twilight keeps taking things she thinks are magical relics that turn out to be your old letter opener or pillow,” Spike commented flatly, causing Twilight to blush.

“Not cursed, my little pony,” Celestia replied, floating the statue in her telekinesis and taking a closer look at it. “This is the delivery system for a prank my old friend Starswirl the Bearded played on my sister and I when we were younger.”

“What?!” squealed Twilight, eyes wide. “Starswirl the Bearded played a prank on you?!”

Luna nodded, giving a nostalgic smile. “We were still young at the time, Twilight Sparkle. We did not have the best table manners. Especially 'Tia.”

The Princess of the Day gave a chuckle. “Yes, I was a bit of a slob back then.”

“You still can be when it comes to dessert. Maybe I should bring that little trinket to the castle sometime...”

“That...won't be necessary...But being young, we didn't want to listen when he told us to mind our manners, so he decided to play a prank on us...”

Starswirl slid the statue into the center of the castle dining room table and stood aside as the two young Princesses trotted in. It was just the three of them and a fairly impressive meal. It was to be expected, considering Alicorns had a higher food intake than your average pony. The two teenaged Alicorns licked their lips and began pigging out on the food.

“I wish you two would learn some manners...” The wise old unicorn said, then gave a smirk as the statue activated.

Young Celestia merely stuck her tongue out playfully...

“Starswirl crafted a statue and placed a spell in it, which he planted at dinner...” Celestia narrated. “And when we made pigs of ourselves...”

Celestia jumped as a flash of light caused her muzzle to turn into a pig's snout. Luna looked up, her ears changing to those befitting a pig as well.

“It made pigs of us, quite literally,” Luna narrated with a chuckle.

Starswirl stifled a chuckle, looking at the two pigs in regalia glaring at him.

“It was all to teach us to show some restraint and manners in our eating,” Celestia explained, giving a chuckle. “Which means you four must have been little piggies yourself, weren't you Twilight?” she said playfully.

Twilight blushed red. “Yeah...kind of...”

“Yep!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, having returned to her eating and fully embraced her current form as she gobbled up her food.

“Hey!” Spike oinked out, looking offended. “Ember says I have very good table manners for a dragon!”

“...He does have a point, sister...” Luna admitted. “We have seen what would qualify as bad table manners for a dragon.”

“True...” Princess Celestia said with a playful look, walking over to the statue and using a quick spell on it. “There...”

Spike blinked, suddenly reverting back to his dragon form...then gained an amethyst-like sheen to his scales and doubled in size. He was still a baby dragon, but a much grander one, with a slight serpentine body shape. “...Cool...”

“That does raise a question,” Starlight pointed out, trying to approach the Princess without cracking the floor with her unbridled Earth Pony strength or launching herself across the room. “Not that I'm complaining, given turning everypony into Alicorns would be a good means of creating an equal world, but why did it turn us into Alicorns and Spike? Into a...Whatever he is?”

“Ryujin,” Luna clarified. “And there's a simple explanation for that: Starswirl used this prank several times until we 'got the message,' hiding it in the room somewhere, so the spell was also programmed to keep us in our normal form or return us to being Alicorns if we did so...”

Starswirl ate his meal calmly, giving the once again pigified princesses a smirk. His manners were simple and reserved, not pigging out nor being excessively fancy.

“But Twilight is not the only pony to ever have a spell not work exactly as she intended it to,” Celestia narrated.

The great unicorn mage blinked, two Alicorn wings emerging from his back with a poof.

“A spell powerful enough to transform an Alicorn and not be easily dispelled by them tends to have...strange effects when mixed with non-Alicorn's. The spell went a little haywire and copied our Alicorn status onto any who ate with good manners in the statue's presence,” Luna explained.

“...Any chance we can do this to all of Equestria?” Starlight questioned.

Celestia gave a frown. “Sorry, Starlight, but this spell isn't accurately making you Alicorns, merely temporarily altering your form to be ones. It can never be permanent...Believe me, I know the draw of what you are thinking.”

“And even if that was not the case, the power of an Alicorn is something that should not be trivialized,” Luna said, regaining her more serious expression. “As a comic I have seen many dreams of says: with great power, must come great responsibility. There is a reason my sister declared Sunset Shimmer unworthy of it when she was still lost in her own pride...and Nightmare Moon is proof of what an Alicorn who is not responsible with that power is capable of.”

Celestia gave a small frown. “That is correct. Twilight only ascended when she earned it and was ready for the power and responsibility that came with it, and if others do the same, I will gladly help them reach it, but it is not something one can just do.”

“I'm with the Princess on this one,” Rainbow Dash remarked, giving a shudder. “Remember those ponies who tried to steal my wings and become Alicorns that way? I don't want to think about what those psychos would if they were real Alicorns.”

Twilight shuddered. Those three were still on 'magic probation' for that stunt.

Celestia trotted over to the statue and cast a counterspell Starswirl had taught her to turn the device off, causing the group to flash with magic and return to normal.

“Thank...well, you, Princess,” said Applejack, stretching her now longer legs to get the feel of it back.

Rarity looked back at her now wingless form. “Yes, though I admit I was enjoying the wings...”

“If you wish, maybe one day you can earn them for real,” Celestia replied, giving a reassuring smile. “If you're willing to put in the work...but for now, how about we finish your meal. We were about to have dinner as well.”

The group set down, now with the Princesses joining them with their own meals.

Twilight licked her lips and floated her hayburger to her lips...Then heard Celestia clear her throat.

The Princess held up the statue with a mischievous smirk.

Twilight gave a small chuckle and took a small, reserved bite of her hayburger.

The End