"Everypony ready?!" asked Discord, peering out from behind the curtain into the crowd of gathered ponies. The audience stomped their hooves in approval. It was a decent sized turn out considering the short amount of time since the announcement was made.
"D-discord?" Twilight asked, hooves shaking with anxiety. "I d-don't think I can do this. I mean-"
"Not another word my dear," Discord interjected, placing a comforting paw upon her shoulder. "Just remember, you are 'Twilight Sparkle' the Princess of Friendship. You've got nothing to worry about, they all adore you. So get out on that stage and knock em' dead!"
He hoped that would be enough motivation for her.
Twilight quickly retreated back to the safety of her book fort in cowering fear shooting down his optimistic thoughts. "Discord, maybe we should...you know, go over it one more time. Just to be safe." she said.
Her supporter had opened his mouth to offer some sort of sarcastic, smarty pants comment but restrained himself. It would indeed save time and loads of frustration to just simply oblige her request. "Fine, but just once more. So listen closely...I'm not known for my patience."
With a sharp snap of his fingers the book fort reconfigured itself into a miniature throne complete with one very real and life-sized Twilight Sparkle sitting upon it's rather uncomfortable hardcover seat. "Ahem, so I'll take it from the top. As I said before - 'You are Twilight. The Princess of Friendship. Nothing to worry about, blah blah blah. Knock em' dead!' "
"So we'll continue with that train of positive energy." He looked her dead in the eyes. "You are in need of funds, aka bits, the little shiny things that help make the world go round. All for you to finally be able to get your own royal guard, a castle staff, grounds upkeep etc."
He poofed up a crayon-drawn picture of Celestia, Luna and Cadence. "And to earn said bits without any aid from the other Princess' of Equestria, you need to seek out other forms of income. It just wouldn't do to have a Princess of Friendship just go around begging for currency to support such things now would it?"
He waited just long enough for her to nod her head in the affirmative. "So-"
"But..." It was she who interrupted this time. "Couldn't we just raise the money wit-"
"Ah, ah, don't say it. I've told you before." He placed a talon to her lips. "I'm backing you up from here, now enough fooling around or the crowd will surely get restless. It's showtime baby!" Discord got behind the book throne and with one swift kick sent it sliding out from behind the curtains right out onto the stage.
Twilight sat there, utterly frozen. In total silence she eyeballed each and every one of the faces staring her down from all directions. After a deep gulp she began. "Uh, heh heh. Hi, my name is T-twilight Sparkle. Oh, but I bet you all already new that." A nervous chuckle escaped as she got off her book chair.
"And you are probably wondering why I've called you here today." She closed her eyes, trying to push all of her anxiety out within the span of a single deep breath.
"So...who here has a smelly toilet? Does it have that unbearably hideous aroma that comes from the many piles of pony manure held within? Then have I got the product for you!" She turned her head and gave small smile and wink to Discord who was looking on from backstage.
He gave her a big grin and multiple thumbs up in return as he slid out the demonstration commode filled with one-hundred and fifty percent genuine horse by-product.
"The solution is..." she continued. "Twilight Sparkle's Toilet Sparkle™!" With one hoof she held out the light-pink spray bottle in the shape of her smiling visage. Holding it toward the pot-o-potty she quickly squeezed on the spray trigger releasing a dark yellow spritz of mist. "With just one spritz of this amazing, lemon-scented cleanser, all that unpleasantry will be a thing of the past!"
Now to really sell it for the crowd she stuck the end of her muzzle above the commode and swallowed in several slow, deep breaths, taking extra care to take in all it's aromatic glory.
"Oh, my!" She gave the emergency sick signal - a green face with puffed out cheeks, profusely pouring out sweat.
Applejack rushed a bucket over to her. In no time at all and Twilight's head was in there. Amazingly, as she upchucked her last meal she was simultaneously squirting out the rest of the bottle all over the toilet afflicted with a major case of death-dump disease.
After wiping her face she put the bucket away tried to save a little face. "S-sorry, sorry everypony that was just my nerves. It had absolutely nothing to do with the umm...smells."
Cautiously she walked back over, whispering happy, calming words of reassurance to herself. "No bad smells...It will smell like lemons... P-Please smell like lemons." She turned and addressed the crowd once more. "All that unpleasantry will be a thing of the past!" Bravely she sticks her nose out, inching ever closer to the stink.
Seconds later she snapped back to hugging the bucket, hurling heaps of Princess magic into it. "Not Lemons! W-Where was my Lemony freshness!! Wholesomeness has left this mortal realm!" she'd cry in between her bouts of sickness.
"This is bad Discord, she's bombing out there!" said Pinkie Pie. "Time for plan Pinkeh Pye to go into full effect!" Wasting no time Pinkie drenched herself with a bucket of lavender paint and affixed a Twilight wig and pair of wings made from paper mache' to her head and body.
"Now beam me up, Discord." With that battle cry Discord teleported Twilight off the stage and popped Pinkie in her place.
She then addressed the crowd. "Oh, sorry again everypony, totally my bad. Guess I had one too many of Pinkie Pie's delicious cupcakes earlier. But never fear, I'm all better!"
She held up the cleanser. "To further prove my point I'm not gonna spray a single drop more of this on there. Cause it really only just needs one!" The pink imposter stepped her schnoz up to bat, hovering right above the visible waves of stench coming off the commode. She breathed in. Then again and again, breathing in just a little deeper each time.
Using her hooves she wafted the aroma up into her nostils as if breathing in the sweet smell of a scented candle. "Mmmm...lemony. Not a single baddy, bad, bad smell to be smelled!"
She gave out a warm smile, her eyes watering. "Now if you'll excuse me I'll just calmly take this bucket here and go backstage. I shall return momentarily with free samples for everypony!"
"Discord, what in the world is going on here?" Twilight Sparkle asked.
The Draconequus barely paid her any mind, trying to stifle his bouts of laughter.
"Discord!" she repeated louder.
"Hahahaha," he finally turned to come face to face with two separate Twilight Sparkle's standing side by side. He stopped laughing immediately. One of the Twilights hovered over a sick bucket and the other was wearing a face of 'I'm am so not happy with you right now.'
"So, care to explain all of this? What is the Canterlot High me doing here?" Twilight pointed a hoof toward her double.
"Other Twilight?" He rolled his eyes. "I don't know what you mean. But now that you mention it... that other pony does look a teensy-tiny bit like you. My, the resemblance is uncanny!"
"Don't lie to me Discord!" She pointed an accusing hoof right in his face. "I think you know exactly what I mean."
Discord chuckled. "What? That's just somebody I went and picked up from some...other place. She just coincidentally resembles you. Now really, how's that my fault?"
The other Ms. Sparkle finally managed to stumble up onto her hooves. "What?! You t-told me that Twilight was in dire need of funding. And that she was too nervous and sick to do this herself, so she needed me to fill in for her!"
"Is that true, Discord?" Pinkie chimed in. "I executed my emergency plan Pinkeh Pye for nothing?!"
All three stepped closer and closer, fuming over the whole situation.
"Oh, what's that I hear?" Discord cupped his paw around his ear. "I think I hear Fluttershy calling for me, see you later!" And with a snap he vanished.
"Discord!!!" all three ponies yelled in unison loud enough for all the crowd to hear. And they all would have heard it, had they all not been trying to get over the massive shock of what they had just witnessed their beloved Princess of Friendship do.
~End~
Author's Note
Thanks for reading! Like? Hate? Whatever you feel, please comment!
And thanks to Masemj on deviantart for providing the cover!
