Blueblood eyed the plain glazed donut in front of him, quietly trying to admire himself in the surface of the glaze. His blue eyes were searching almost frantically for signs that his mane was neat and his visible appearance was impeccable, as a duke's must be. Then he levitated the donut up and took a bite out of it, swallowing any worries about stray crumbs with the pastry.
The burly stallion across the counter stared at the duke. His pea-green eyes were conveying a surprisingly no-nonsense expression, in contrast to the level frown on his muzzle. "Well?"
Blueblood blinked tiredly — his aunt would only just be stirring and readying her dawn — and looked up at Joe. "Hrm?"
"Is this batch gonna be any good?" Joe's magic flared to adjust his hat casually.
Blueblood bit his lip and sucked in a breath with an unnatural poshness. He really wanted coffee. "Jojo, how many times do I have to remind you that 'gonna' is not a word?"
Joe grunted and looked upward in exasperation. "Enough that you're gonna have a fit when I tell you that it's too early for this. I need six more batches of donuts sampled."
Blueblood's eyes locked with Joe's, mild terror showing in them. "S-Six? I don't even like donuts! Can't you ever sell éclairs instead, Jojo?"
Joe grunted again. It was most certainly too early in the morning for this. As he readied his lesser complaints, he pulled a pair of mugs down from a nearby shelf and levitated a pitcher of fresh black coffee over to where Blueblood was.
"Yeah, six. Do you think that the tourists are gonna like donuts too? I'm not sure. The whole lot of them looked pretty snotty for Manehatten ponies, so you know what I was thinking?"
"What?" Blueblood asked, leaning forward and looking up at Joe inquisitively. Joe was always the better schemer between them. The thought of one of his simple but shrewd donut-selling plans gave Blueblood something other than the unfinished glazed donut to think about.
"Manehatten ponies are Equestria's biggest donut consumers—"
"Really?" Blueblood asked incredulously.
He rarely entered anything but the most luxurious urban settings so the statistic would be a bit lost on him. Donuts were the breakfast of common ponies. Until he and Joe had begun dating, Blueblood had never sampled a donut in his life. The family estate was free of them and had been for generations. Princess Celestia also rarely had her chefs prepare anything but the most high-class cuisine in the castle. To imagine her eating a donut was like imagining full-grown dragons doing ballet.
"Yeah, really," Joe affirmed. "That means they're gonna be extra picky about anything from plain to extra sprinkles — don't even get me started on custard, it's best to stick to basics on a day when all those tourists want is a good donut."
"But why am I the one eating these donuts?" Blueblood whined. At his absolutely humble age of twenty-seven, the duke had anything but donuts on his mind. Mostly, he tried to ignore the teasing of his oldest friend, Princess Cadance, who was always joking and poking him about when he was going to settle down with 'that nice stallion you're always with' always followed by the most unsubtle of winks.
"Because," Joe said simply, "You're the biggest critic I know."
Smiling, Blueblood held a forehoof to his chest carefully so as not to chip his morning hooficure. "Aww, Jojo that's so sweet! I am indeed a fine critic. Bridleway wouldn't be the same without my word to dictate the taste of the theater. Aunt Luna simply doesn't know what she's talking about. I'll take songs over soliloquies any day and a Saddlespeare comedy over his drearier pieces."
Joe blinked. "I meant ya whine a lot, Blue."
Blueblood's expression turned into a frown and he sighed dramatically, ignoring the raised eyebrow and gaze of Joe. At this point, his coltfriend was always muttering some plea to the gods during the time they shared, though it was all in jest.
"Really, Jojo, it's not whining. I'm simply letting my thoughts be known."
"It's definitely whining." Joe nudged Blueblood a cup of coffee. He continued to watch with silent disapproval as the duke emptied at least half a dozen things of cream into the no-longer dark drink. Before Blueblood took a sip, he had to make sure that the coffee was nearly as white as his coat.
"Oh, the tragedy of the commons! How little they will know of my plight!" Blueblood declared in between dramatic coffee sips. Joe wished he wasn't serious.
"I'm pretty sure that's something completely different. Something intellectual, I think?"
"Intellectual?" Blueblood's eyes found Joe again.
They both knew Joe was smart in many ways, but he was content to leave intellectual matters and other things to the ponies who were destined to pursue such fields. 'Leave the studying to the scholars' he had always reminded Blueblood. Though, the duke was of the opinion that he said that mostly because he had to put up with the frequent visits of a young Twilight Sparkle and Spike. In years past, they were always nudged in the direction of the donut shop by Princess Celestia once it became clear that the humble establishment would be as safe for a growing drake and filly as it was for an adolescent princess and younger Blueblood.
"Yeah. One of the regulars keeps talking things like that. He's kinda new though — hadn't really seen much of him until last year, but he's wicked smart when he does bother to talk. I imagine he just moved here since he sounds northern. White coat. Green eyes. Black mane. Maybe you know him? You'll talk to just about anypony in this city. I honestly figured he would be some kind of scholar. He seems nutty enough for the job." Joe cracked a smile at a memory that Blueblood didn't know. Perhaps it was a joke he would ask about later. "But gods and stars — I've never known a scholar with aces for a cutie mark and the eyes of a criminal."
"A criminal?!" Blueblood exclaimed.
Joe waved a hoof and took a sip from the coffee he was levitating. "Nah, he probably isn't, but sweet Celestia he sure looks like one. Plus, he usually only drops by at night. Either his hours are horrid or he's nocturnal. He's gotta be a criminal."
Draining the last of his coffee, Blueblood frowned sourly. "I don't think that Auntie would be allowing criminal scum to visit a donut shop of all places. Not unless it was in the depths of Tartarus. They are always dealing with some rogue god, some old evil — goodness knows what, but I'm finally glad that it's died down for a while."
"Tourists are their own kind of evil though, wouldn't you agree? I mean, so many ponies come in asking for directions without even buying anything. Not even a coffee!"
Blueblood sighed theatrically and leaned forward again, this time to give his coltfriend a nuzzle. "I always buy your coffee, Jojo."
Joe nuzzled back and Blueblood caught him muttering something about more coffee. "No, ya don't. You get it for free. At least Mr. Ace Mark —gods, he's never even hinted at his name; something to do with cards maybe? — bothers to pay for his coffee. Doesn't seem to like donuts, but I'm not complaining. But yeah, even a shady fellow like him has the bits for coffee. He doesn't have the nerve to drown it in cream like a certain somepony either."
"You dare compare me to an anonymous patron? Jojo, I thought I was something special!" Blueblood's tone was once again whiny as he ran a forehoof through his groomed, gelled mane. "And how would you know what kind of coffee a commoner likes?"
"You are and have been for five years, Blue." Joe really must've thought that some sacred ceiling deity was going to save him from a theatric coltfriend. "And I pay attention to eveypony's coffee. Especially a regular — and one who pays."
"Hmph. Isn't my graceful presence enough of a payment?"
"Not really." Joe's words, though a touch grumpy, still came with a kind smile.
"But Jojo!" Blueblood protested.
Joe stared at Blueblood wordlessly for a moment before refilling Blueblood's coffee and levitating another fresh tray of donuts in front of them.
Blueblood had to hold back horror. These ones were pink frosted and covered in sprinkles. Sprinkles. And sprinkles obeyed no creature. They were never organized or neat or-
Blueblood felt rather faint at the sight of them. "Jojo," he whined. "Please don't tell me I have to eat those ones. They have sprinkles."
Joe gave him a level look. "Eat 'em."
"Please?"
Joe ignored the plea for mercy. "Don't drown your coffee in cream this time or—"
"What?!" Blueblood said, aghast. "But that's how I like my coffee! And what, Jojo, what are you going to do? Would you dare hurt the stallion of your dreams?"
"Never, but if you do I'll tell a bunch of fan-mares that you're straighter than a board and single and watch what happens."
"You wouldn't dare—"
"They'll be tourists too," Joe said solemnly.
Blueblood almost wanted to cry — especially at the thought of having to cram a donut with sprinkles in his mouth.
"But Jojo, it's too early for this."
"I know. And isn't it silly that you're doing this over one donut?"
"Not really," Blueblood replied, entirely sure that his argument was a good one.
"Celestia save me," Joe muttered.
Author's Note
[Revised for printing on 9/2/2020]
