One Flew Over the Rock Farm
“Pinkie Pie? I dunno,” said Chaff.
Cornstalk frowned. “How do ya not know who Pinkie Pie is? Down the road, west a ways, with the big windmill. The pink one.”
“Oh yeeeeah,” said Chaff. “Makes sense.”
“Oh yeah duh, peabrain.”
“Blockhead.”
“Anyway, yeah, we don’t really know her. She come over to our house once or twice, and that was it. Played with us in the field and stuff.”
“She don’t go to our school. I hear she got kicked out.”
“She’s home-schooled, numbskull. Her parents keep her locked up in their silo out back. I seen it. They only let her out to farm rocks.”
“Really?” asked Chaff.
“Yeah.” Cornstalk pointed to his neck. “Chained up to a stake in the silo like a dog.”
“Huh. No wonder she’s all crazy in the head—hey, ow!”
“Be nice, knucklehead. Hey, don’t you stick yer tongue out at me. Ma says yer face’ll stay that way. You’ll be an ugly little shrimp.”
“Yer uglier.”
“Shuddup, peabrain. Anyway, why d’ya ask? Did something happen?”
“Oh, you’re a baker, too?” asked Pita. “Oh, I see. Sweets and things.”
Flat Loaf spat. “Can’t live on sweets. Nothing hearty about sweets. Ponies need bread of the Earth.”
“Flat, please,” Pita said. “You’ll have to forgive my husband. He meant no offense.”
Flat grunted.
“I’m sorry to hear what happened. We always had a feeling something… wasn’t right with that girl.”
“She’s like a puppy, that one. Constantly barking up our door. Scared the Tartarus outta our kids.”
“She didn’t scare them, honey. But our girls—Manna and Quail out there—they used to come inside when they saw Pinkie coming up the road.”
“Hidin’.”
“…I suppose so, yes,” Pita said. “There was one time, too—last Hearth’s Warming eve—she came up to the counter and she asked for Hearth’s Warming cupcakes. I said, ‘I’m sorry, honey, we don’t make cupcakes,’ and I offered her some Hearth’s Warming scones that we make every year, but she just… she went behind the counter—”
“—without permission. Trespassing little—”
“—and she made cupcake batter and put it in the oven! We were shocked—”
“—furious. She used up all our sugar—”
“—confetti everywhere, for some reason—”
“—never allowed here ever again.”
Pita sighed. “She’s just too mischievous. I don’t think she understands boundaries yet.”
“I know Igneous and Cloudy,” Flat said. “Upstanding folk. Long respected in the community. They’ll do something about the little brat.”
“Enough, Flat.” Pita rubbed her temple. “She’s a sweet girl. She means well. It’s just… I hope she’s all right.”
“Yeah, she lives here. Used to,” Limestone Pie said.
Her sister Marble nodded.
“She abandoned us. Had responsibilities here on the farm. Family to take care of. A twin sister to take care of. And she just up and left!”
“Mm-hmm.”
“She’s selfish. I don’t think she ever cared about us after all.”
“…”
“Whatever. She ran away. Never liked her, anyway. She told dumb jokes. She laughed at us. Always laughing, all the time! Never… sniff… liked her…”
“…”
“I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m sorry for yelling at you, but I don’t want to talk about her. Neither does Marble. C’mon, Marble.”
“Mm-hmm…”
“We apologize for thy trouble,” said Cloudy Quartz.
Igneous Rock Pie nodded. “Yes, we do uphold the opinion that it was not worth thy time and energy to come to our homestead, but we thank thee for it nonetheless. Thou are most welcome here, as is thy husband if he should so choose to pass by this way.”
“Thou are likely familiar with Pinkie Pie’s tendencies.” Cloudy Quartz tapped her hooves together nervously. “She is overflowing with spirit and joy—but, of course, we believe it to be a blessing, and for that we cannot thank the stars enough. However, she is…”
“She hath a strong dependence on other ponies. She hath dramatic changes in disposition from time to time. She is brash, brazen, overbearing.”
“Igneous, please…”
“I am speaking plainly, Cloudy.”
“I… I know. Yes, um, well… Children can be this way, from time to time. We hath friends from out of town. Their children have similar issues.”
“Issues like this can be amended. We must teach her good temperament and family values. To this end, she must return home.”
“Yes, we miss our daughter. Do thou and thy husband hath children? Ah. Then if thou ever do, then thou shall understand.”
“We do thank thee for electing to care and house our daughter for the time being. We have no doubt she would enjoy residing in a confectionery store. However, this cannot continue indefinitely. She must return home and learn what all children must learn. Discipline. Composure.”
“Yes, right. Please, Mrs. Cake, please understand… We must help our daughter.”
“Yes, I know why she ran away,” said Maud. “At least, I think so.
“There’s nopony like Pinkie Pie. Everypony seems to say that about anypony, but it’s true for Pinkie. It’s especially true around here. There’s not a lot of fillies here. They think she’s weird. They think I’m weird, too, but I don’t care. Pinkie cared. I think that’s why she ran away.
“She just wants friends. That’s really it. Ponies to have fun with. Ponies to cheer up. Ponies to cheer her up when she’s down. I never needed that. I had Boulder.
“I understand why she left. It was still hard. I cried. I don’t cry.”
…
“But as long as Pinkie is happy, that’s all that matters. Is she happy? Good. Yes, that means she’s very happy. It’s easy to tell when she’s not.
“I think she should stay where she is, as long as you don’t mind. If not in Ponyville, then somewhere else. My parents will be difficult to convince. I’ll talk to them. It might take some time.
“You seem happy to take her in. It’s hard for me to tell. But if she’s still with you for this long, she must like you, and she must be happy there.
“One more thing. If Pinkie stays with you, may I please have your address? I’d like to write to her. Thank you.”
