A Little Like Dying

by EntityRelationship

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rarity, Shining Armor, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Romance, Trixie
Length: 3884

Falling in love is a little like dying. A part of you is lost when you go into it. And Twilight can feel herself falling in love with Rarity. Can she decide if this is what she really wants?

Lately, Twilight has been developing some unfamiliar...feelings for a certain white-furred fashionista in Ponyville. And, judging by Rarity's rather flirtatious manner, she feels the same way. But Twilight has never been in love before. And from what she's heard, falling in love is a little like dying. You don't come out of it the same pony you went in. A part of you is lost forever. Is that really what she wants?

My entry for Monochromatic's "Interwoven Colours" contest.

Published 2017-05-24 00:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-05-24 00:20:01 UTC

Chapter 1

Falling in love is a little like dying.

It’s scary. Often unexpected. And, for some, it’s painful.

And nopony is ever quite prepared for it.

Twilight furrowed her brow and examined the dress form in front of her. Her back leg anxiously tapped against the floor, instinctively burning off nervous energy. She could do this, she told herself.

A calm, carefully-pronounced voice drifted sweetly into Twilight’s deep concentration. “Take your time, darling,” it said, patiently, softly.

She could do this, Twilight told herself.

She took in a breath. It was really quite simple. She had read all the books, she had practiced religiously. It was really just like casting a new spell, when you got down to it. You learned the basics, studied and studied and studied it until you could recite it backwards and then-

“Come ON, Twilight!” Rainbow Dash whined, breaking Twilight’s focus. “Can’t you hurry it up?”

She couldn’t do this.

Rarity huffed up at Rainbow Dash flying overhead. “Really, Rainbow Dash,” she said, “give the poor girl some time.”

“She’s just staring at the mannequin...thing,” Rainbow Dash said, gesturing down to the dress form with her front legs. “If she takes much longer, The Wonderbolt Ball will be over before she even gets started on my dress.”

“Rarity, I don’t think I can do this,” Twilight said, drooping her head down in a defeated slump.

“Whatever do you mean, darling?” Rarity asked, tilting her head slightly and giving a concerned pout. “You’ve sewn before, and you know all about fashion. Celestia knows you’ve heard me talk about it enough and read enough books on the subject.”

“I understand fashion,” Twilight said. She paced around the room, quickly glancing at the messy heap of dress-making materials that were littered around the area. Twilight instinctively wanted to clean up and organize the mess, but she knew from experience that the moment she did Rarity would bemoan the loss of her precious, ‘inspiration’. Apparently, ‘inspiration’ and ‘messiness’ were somehow interrelated. “And I get sewing. It’s simple, really. It has rules, an order to things...it makes sense. Follow the instructions, and you get an expected result. But making a dress from scratch…” Twilight shuddered at the thought. “I don’t really...do creativity. I follow the instructions, and things work out. Creativity seems like...well, magic, to me. And not the kind of magic I’m good at.” Twilight sighed. “Can’t you just make the dress, Rarity?”

“Would that I could, darling,” Rarity said. “If a certain SOMEpony hadn’t rejected my last twenty designs for not being ‘cool’ enough…” Rarity shot a small glare up to Rainbow Dash.

“Hey, your designs were plenty cool,” Rainbow Dash said. “They just weren’t RADICAL enough.”

“Aren’t those the same-?” Rarity started to ask, only for Twilight to interrupt her.

“There’s apparently a distinction,” she said, cutting off Rarity.

“And THAT, Twilight, is why you’re making my dress for The Wonderbolt Ball,” Rainbow Dash said, landing gracefully on the floor and grinning. “You GET it.”

Rarity gave a little ‘humph’ and tossed her mane before softening her gaze and trotting over closer to Twilight. “Being creative isn’t something strange or mysterious,” Rarity said, giving Twilight an understanding look. “It’s about bringing a little bit more of the things you love into the world. That’s all.”

Twilight took a deep breath. “Okay,” she said. “I’ll give it my best shot.”

Twilight closed her eyes and cleared her mind. There were times when Twilight’s mind felt like an old antique store, filled with miscellaneous junk piling up around her, cramming her in. But in the times of clarity, when she was able to catalogue the emotional buildup around her and carefully sort, organize, and ship it away to its appropriate place in her cognitive landscape, her mind was remarkably clear. An empty void where she could call up whatever she needed to accomplish a task at hand.

When she was casting a spell, Twilight knew exactly what she had to visualize. Lines of magic, twisting and forming around her and bringing forth a desired result. But with this other, more abstract task before her, Twilight was not sure exactly what it was she was supposed to conjure up in her mental landscape.

And then the words echoed through Twilight’s mind. “A little bit more of the things you love.”

In a flash of inspiration, Twilight knew what she was going to make.

Fabric flew around the workshop, gently guided by Twilight’s precise telekinesis. Spools of thread, sewing needles, and a pair of fabric scissors carefully maneuvered their way around the cloth, applying little details under Twilight’s gaze and management.

When it was finally done, Twilight let the dress-making tools fall to the floor and let out a sigh of relief. “Okay,” she said, “I’m done.”

Rarity’s eyes widened in amazement as she examined the dress that was now in front of her. “Oh my…” she said.

Hanging on the dress form was a sleek, white gown. Gold trim decorated the edges of the skirt, which came just short enough to make it difficult to trip over, and on the collar were a pair of tiny sapphires.

“Wh-oa!” Rainbow Dash said, quickly zipping around the dress form and examining it in a way very much similar to how Opal examined a new scratching post. “Now see, Rarity? This is what I’m talking about! Cool AND radical!”

“I must admit, darling,” Rarity said as she leaned in to give the dress a closer inspection, “it is rather fetching. And here you were worried you wouldn’t be able to make a nice dress.”

Twilight scratched the back of her mane sheepishly with her hoof. “I don’t really know what came over me. I just thought of the most beautiful thing I could and then-” Twilight stopped as she realized what she was saying, blushed a deep red, and covered her mouth instinctively.

“Hmmm?” Rarity asked, looking to Twilight, then back to the dress. A coy smile crept across her face and she turned back to look at Twilight. “The most beautiful thing you could think of, oh?” she asked. Twilight’s blush deepened and she desperately tried to avoid eye contact with Rarity deep, very noticeably sapphire-blue eyes. “I do wonder what that could be…” Rarity said, walking gently past the dress, her own white coat blending in almost perfectly to the white silk on the dress form.

“Uh…” Twilight said, biting her lip anxiously. “The clouds? Maybe? Cloudsdale. That’s it. It’s really a beautiful city. And very white. Yup, that explains everything.”

Rarity lowered her eyelids, giving a knowing, ‘oh really?’ look. “If you say so, darling. Though, if I may say so, I think your dress could use one, final touch.” Rarity’s horn glowed blue and a purple scarf levitated up from the surrounding fabric, over to the dress, and knotted itself elegantly around the collar. “A splash of color. Every white outfit needs an accent to draw the eye. And nothing goes better with white than purple.” Rarity trotted towards Twilight, pressing her white coat almost against Twilight’s purple fur. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

“I-I…” Twilight stuttered, as she watched Rarity flutter her eyes seductively. “We-well, I-I-”

“Uh…” Rainbow Dash said, “I may be wrong...but are you two dating, or something?”

Rarity dropped the flirtatious smile, glanced to Twilight, then to Rainbow Dash. “Well…”

“No,” Twilight said. “I-I mean, I guess no-”

“Good,” Rainbow Dash said, prancing around the dress proudly. “Falling in love’s a little like dying. You don’t get to do the things you want. Somepony’s always telling you what to do. You can’t run or fly as fast as you want to, or you’ll leave them behind. You don’t get to be the pony you always imagined yourself being, because you’ve got to share your life with somepony else. Falling in love means giving up on your dreams. Yeah, better to avoid that altogether. Trust me on this one.”

“Heh, heh, heh…” Twilight laughed awkwardly. “Okaywellthat’sgreatgottogonowbye!” she yelled as she ran out of the room in one, big, purple blur. Rarity shot Rainbow Dash an irritated look.

“Was it something I said?” Rainbow Dash asked. Rarity gave a ‘humph’, threw back her mane in annoyance, and trotted away.

***

“Magic is about concentration and focus,” Twilight said, her head up proudly as she lectured, even for an audience of only three ponies. “It’s about deciding what you want to do, then making that thing happen. And for the most part we consider it to be a heavily studied and codified science. Sort of like baking a cake. You use the right ingredients, you follow the directions, and you’ll get a mostly predictable result.”

“I have a question, Twilight,” Rarity said, raising a hoof.

“Shh!” Trixie said, “She’s getting to the best part.”

“But there’s an emerging school of thought in magic that theorizes that magic is less like baking a cake and more like playing an instrument. That the intent and emotion that you put into your magic have as much of an impact on the end result as the spell itself. Two ponies can play the exact same song on the exact same instrument and have a drastically different outcome. The same, the theory goes, can apply to magic. The actual music isn’t in the score, and the actual magic isn’t in the spellbook. The music comes from us playing it, and depending on how skilled we are and what emotions we put in, the song can be different. Better, worse, more intense or softer. It’s in the playing of the notes, not the notes themselves, that real music happens.”

“Ooh! Ooh!” Trixie said, raising a hoof eagerly. “So, you mean that what we’re thinking and feeling when we cast a spell can affect the outcome?”

Twilight nodded. “That’s right, Trixie,” she said. “I, myself, know that over the past few years, I’ve run into situations where even simple spells, if I tried to use them for a bad or shortsighted reason, inevitably backfired. Turning Fluttershy into a bat pony, enchanting a Smarty Pants doll with a ‘Want it, Need it’ spell…”

“Ooh! Or, like, enchanting all of your friends so that they’ll listen to you, but only managing to complete flood the castle?” Trixie asked. Starlight gave an embarrassed grin and sank down in her seat.

“Uh...let’s...not focus on that,” Twilight said. Rarity raised her hoof again.

“May I ask my question now?” she asked. Twilight nodded.

“Go ahead, Rarity.”

“Thank you,” Rarity said. “Now, not that I don’t adore being around you...but what, exactly, am I here for?”

“To help me demonstrate,” Twilight said. “We all know simple levitation magic. It’s the first magic we all learned as fillies. In general, what we can lift with it is fairly limited. Things we could normally carry on our own. But, given the right motivation, like to give somepony we care about the sensation of flying…” Twilight’s horn glowed and a faint, purple glow surrounded Rarity. Twilight’s magic gently lifted her off the ground and she floated high into the air. Rarity extended her legs, enjoying the weightlessness that surrounded her, as Twilight twirled her slowly around in the air. “And we can push ourselves past what our normal limits are.”

“Uh…” Starlight said. She pointed a hoof forward to the space behind Twilight. “Is...that part of the demonstration?”

“Huh?” Twilight asked, and quickly turned around. Behind her was a floating, enchanted projection of a large heart, colored purple and white, with the colors swirling together into the center. “Ahh!” Twilight said, immediately dropping her concentration.

And, as it turned out, Rarity.

“Ow!” Rarity said as she hit the floor.

“Oh my gosh,” Twilight said, hopping forward to make sure Rarity was alright. “I’m so, so, so sorry about that Rarity. You’re not hurt, are you?”

“Quite fine, darling,” Rarity said, brushing her mane back into place with a comb as she stood back up. “But what was that with the heart?”

Twilight looked around, uncertain. “I’m...really not sure,” she said. “It was just supposed to be a simple levitation spell. No magical projections or illusions.”

“But…” Starlight said, “you DID say that intent and emotion can affect the outcome of a spell when you cast it, right?”

“She did!” Trixie said.

“So, were you thinking about anything or feeling anything that could make a giant heart appear?” Twilight gave Rarity an embarrassed look, and an almost audible ‘ding’ of full realization hit Rarity.

“Yes, darling,” Rarity said, leaning in to Twilight and batting her eyelashes.”WhatEVER could you have been thinking about to make THAT happen?”

“Uh…” Twilight said, backing away slowly and giving a nervous smile. “W-well, you see, the thing about that is…”

“Oh, sweet Celestia,” Trixie said. “Are you two in love or something?” She made a gagging motion.

“Uh...um...well, it’s sort of-”

“Falling in love is a little like dying,” Trixie said, proudly shaking her pale blue mane. “Everything you’ve ever wanted to do, everything you’ve ever wanted to be, suddenly becomes impossible. There aren’t any ‘Great and Powerful’ couples, you know. They’re too busy staring into each other’s eyes to practice magic or go on tour. They just drift into mediocrity and obscurity. Kind of tragic, really.”

“Well,” Starlight said, standing up and speaking through gritted teeth. “I’m so glad to hear THAT!” With that, she stormed out of the room in a huff, eyes narrowed and her hooves stomping loudly on the floor with each step.

“Wait! Hold on!” Trixie said, chasing after Starlight. “The Great and Powerful Trixie has LITERALLY NO IDEA what she could have said to offend you!”

“I uh...suspect those two have some...interesting conversations ahead,” Rarity said.

“Uh...yeah…” Twilight said, suddenly realizing that she and Rarity were along. “Well, looks like the lesson’s over, then! I’ve got to go, uh...give Spike...some apples...so he can...sleep? I guess? I don’t know, bye!” Without giving Rarity time to respond, Twilight leapt out of the window and flew into the distance. Once she was gone, Rarity gave a sigh.

“So, she just jumped out of a window to avoid answering me…in her own house...” Rarity said. “Hard not to take THAT one personally…”

“STARLIGHT! PUT DOWN THAT BOTTLE OF PURE RAGE THIS MINUTE!”

***

When you are born, your future is a blank canvas. It contains an infinite number of possibilities and adventures. In the lack of commitment, anything is possible.

As you grow up, that blank slate gets filled in. One daydream, one ambition at a time, that canvas gets painted over. The future you imagine for yourself overtakes any other potential future, cutting off possibilities with every choice and decision you make or don’t make. And, eventually, you form an image of the sort of person you want to be. An idealized, future version of yourself. An image of perfection fills in every last spot on that blank canvas.

Twilight’s idealized picture of herself had been heavily modeled after her much admired mentor, Princess Celestia. In a decade, a century, a millennium, Twilight wanted to see herself as the sort of pony Celestia had grown up to be. Wise and matronly. Powerful and gentle. Loving and empathetic, a guiding force to the ponies that looked up to her.

Princess Twilight Sparkle had painted her idealized, future self as a sort of aspect of Celestia. Not a direct copy, but heavily inspired. And she had used a lot of purple.

But in the past few weeks, drops of white had made their way into that image. A kind, generous, and altogether too particular pony had found her way into that mental portrait Twilight had drawn of herself. White had stained the purple.

And parts of that fantastical, future picture of herself were starting to disappear. Covered by the sudden appearance of a white unicorn.

And Twilight was scared.

Falling in love was a little like dying. But more like dying in advance. Parts of her future self were disappearing. Because, rather suddenly, somepony else had become more important.

***

“It’s so nice for you to come and visit us,” Princess Cadence said, gently levitating her teacup up to her muzzle and taking a delicate sip.

“Yeah,” Shining Armor said as lifted up a cookie bare-hoofed and took a bite. “It’s nice to have you in the Crystal Empire without something about to destroy it.”

“Thanks for having me!” Twilight said, taking up her own cup of tea, but hesitating before she could take a sip. “I...actually came here to ask you guys some questions.”

Shining Armor raised an eyebrow. “Oh?” he asked. “What’s up, Twili?”

Twilight sighed. This was it. Better just to jump in. “Do you guys know much about...love?”

Cadence gave a sly look that just screamed, ‘really’?

“Right…” Twilight said, breathing out heavily. “So, I’ve got this...friend, right? And she’s...kind of getting these weird feelings for this other...friend.”

Shining Armor and Cadence exchanged a knowing glance. “Go on,” Shining Armor said.

“Well...she’s kind of scared. I mean, about having these feelings. She’s scared that she’s not going to be able to do all the things that she wants to do. Or that if she pursues this, she’s going to lose a part of herself…” Twilight looked up at her brother and sister-in-law, suddenly feeling very exposed and vulnerable. “Is that...silly?”

Shining Armor shrugged. “I don’t think so,” he said. “Falling in love is a little like dying.”

In an instant, Twilight forgot about her nerves and embarrassment, all of her complicated feelings replaced with pure confusion. “Huh?” she asked. “What do you mean?”

“Yes, dear,” Cadence said, in a teasingly threatening tone. “Please. Explain. Very clearly.”

Shining Armor gave a little chuckle. “What I mean is that when you fall in love, yes, you lose a little of yourself. When we imagine the sort of ponies we’re going to grow up to be, in general, we imagine we’re doing it alone. We’re able to project a large, bright future of possibilities into a lot of space. Like...looking into a mirror, and seeing the sort of ponies we want to be. But when someone else steps into the reflection, they cover up some of what we imagined. You lose pieces of yourself.

“But what you’re going to find is that you gain something, too.” Shining Armor looked to his wife, and gave a small, happy smile. “You learn things from your very special somepony. Things that you never thought you’d be interested in.”

Like learning how to design a dress, Twilight thought.

“They teach you how to be a better pony. They teach you compassion and empathy, and help you to see beauty in things you never thought were possible. And when you grow older with them, you’re going to realize that the things you gained from them are worth the things that you gave up. The things you lose by being in love tend to be things that weren’t that important to you. And when you look back on it all, you’ll find that the things you added to your life from the pony you’re in love with are actually the best parts of yourself.”

Twilight stared ahead, slack jawed at her brother’s explanation. Cadence could only offer a warm smile and patted Shining Armor’s hoof with her own.

“Well said,” she said.

“Uh...yeah,” Twilight said, suddenly standing up. “I think I’ve got to...go. And tell my...friend what you said. Yeah, that’s it!”

Shining Armor nodded. “I hope it helps her.” Twilight walked across the room, and Shining Armor added, in a casual tone, “Oh, and by the way, Twili...Cadence and I think you and Rarity make a really cute couple.”

Twilight’s face immediately flushed red and hot. “H-h-how d-did-?”

Cadence gestured up to her crown. “Princess of Love, remember?”

Twilight smacked her face with her hoof. “Of course…”

***

Rarity trotted down the stairs of Carousel Boutique to the sound of knocking on her door. “Whoever that is,” she said through a yawn, barely managing to keep her eyes open, “don’t they have any concept of ‘normal business hours’?”

She opened the door, fully ready to give a terse, but polite, insistence to whoever was calling that they come back sometime after Celestia had raised the sun, but she stopped suddenly when she saw Twilight standing outside of her boutique, in the pouring rain, completely soaked.

“Twilight, darling!” Rarity said. “What on earth are you doing out in the rain at this hour? Come, come on in.” Quickly, Rarity scooted Twilight through the door with her magic and closed it shut behind her. “Poor dear, you must be freezing! Hold on,” Rarity levitated a handful of white towels out of the linen closet and rubbed them against Twilight, drying her fur. “What were you doing out so late?”

“I just got back from the Crystal Empire,” Twilight said, “and I wanted to talk to you right away...but I guess I didn’t check the Weather Team Report for Ponyville today, and I didn’t know we were expecting a shower. I got caught up in it halfway here.”

“I see,” Rarity said, fluffing Twilight’s mane with a spare towel. Purple fur and hair were shedding on the white linen. “And what is it you wanted to talk to me about?”

Twilight sighed. This was it. “Do you think...do you think falling in love is a little like dying?”

Rarity tilted her head, pondering the thought. “What a strange question…” she said. “I’d like to think it’s more like living. You grow. You learn. You get a little more attached to something. And maybe it’s not perfect, but it’s well worth the price.” Rarity stopped drying Twilight off as she considered what she was saying. “Why do you ask, darling?”

“It’s...complicated,” Twilight said. “I’m not really sure how I feel about that saying. But there is one way that I’m sure falling in love is a little like dying.” She turned around and locked eyes with Rarity, her purple eyes staring directly and intently with Rarity’s blue. “When it happens to you, you don’t really get much of a choice in the matter.”

Rarity thought this over for a moment and, as the meaning behind it worked its way through her brain like a ball bearing through a room of clockwork, she gave a sly smile. “You know…” Rarity said, brushing past Twilight and flapping her tail flirtatiously, “Sweetie Belle is out for the night...and it is awfully cold and rainy outside.”

“Huh?” Twilight asked, then she felt her face flush. “Ohhh…”

Author's Note

Okay, so, confession time.

Monochromatic's writing was what originally inspired me to start writing fanfiction. I spent a lot of time reading and re-reading her stories ("Chocolate Milk" is a favorite of mine), and...well, it got me thinking. If someone else could write this fiction I loved about characters I loved, why couldn't I do it, too?

So, when it turned out she was running a contest...yeah, I sort of had to enter, didn't I?

I hope she doesn't mind me taking some liberties with the theme...

This is a little bit of a departure from my normal writing style. Less humor than I usually go with, a little more drama. But I hope you all still enjoy it! Thank you so much for reading!