Complimentary Colors and Catastrophic Courtships
Some Hypotheses Weren't Meant To Be Tested
Twilight Sparkle strolled idly through Ponyville, eyes closed and head skyward as she let the early spring sun warm her coat and the scents of recently-bloomed flowers tickle her nostrils. She was in the park on the outskirts of town, surrounded by the hum of chatter from foals and happy couples. Altogether, it was a perfect day to clear one's mind with a walk.
So lost in the clouds was Twilight that it was perfectly excusable when, not looking where she was going, she collided with a park bench. "Oomph!" Jolted awake, she fell on her hindquarters, rubbing her nose.
"Oh my!" came a prim voice from atop the bench. Rarity's head leaned down, her curly purple mane sagging over the edge. "Twilight?"
"Uhh... heh heh..." Twilight grinned nervously. "Hi, Rarity. Haven't done that for a while, heh. I must have been really lost in thought. It... sure is a beautiful day, isn't it?"
Rarity winked broadly, head moving with the motion. "It happens to the best of us, darling. I daresay, had I not been lost in thought myself, I might have noticed and warned you when you were about to... ahem... 'thwack.'"
"Oh!" Twilight straightened up, shuffling her shoulders apologetically. "Well, if you had things you were brainstorming, I mean, I'd hate to distract from a muse, so-"
"Pish tosh," Rarity said, tapping the bench with her tail as she lay catlike, all four limbs tucked under her body. "Don't you dare excuse yourself so quickly on my behalf, Twilight Sparkle. In fact, a second opinion on this matter may be just what I need."
"Oh?" Twilight repeated, sitting back down. "What were you thinking about, then?"
Rarity nodded straight ahead. "I was thinking about those two."
Twilight followed her gaze into a crowd of amicable ponies, unable to discern the targets. She squinted. "Who?"
"Lyra and Bonbon," Rarity said without blinking. "They asked me yesterday if I'd make them a pair of dresses."
Twilight smiled. "Well, that sounds nice."
"It really is," Rarity mused, turning slowly back to Twilight. "Except... every time I try to work on them, or come up with ideas, I can't help but notice something."
"Hmm?"
"It's the colors," Rarity explained, pulling out a hoof and waving it. "Every time I try to come up with something that compliments them, I get... well... them in reverse. It's like their coats and manes are already perfectly naturally complimentary. It's quite uncanny, don't you think?"
Sticking out her neck, Twilight shaded her eyes with a hoof and studied the mares in question. She wasn't about to test her academic knowledge against Rarity's years of practical expertise, but had to agree that they looked pleasing together.
"Mmm..." she hummed, staring. "I think you're right... They just look good next to each other, don't they?"
"Well, I'll say." Rarity gently thumped the bench with her hoof. "It's like they were made for each other! The compliments, the ease of transition, the..." She smiled softly. "Not to mention that they seem completely happy together."
"Hmmm..." Twilight trilled in agreement, a spring breeze swirling lightly around her ears.
"I wonder if it's a coincidence."
Twilight opened her eyes and turned back to Rarity. "Huh?"
"A coincidence!" her friend repeated emphatically. "I'm hardly one to disbelieve in true love, darling. Don't you think it's interesting that two ponies who get along so well also look the part?"
"...Ah!" Twilight gasped, eyes widening. She put on a broad smile and said, "We should find out!"
One of Rarity's ears flopped as her head tilted. "We should do what, now, darling?"
"Figure out if coat coloration has any impact on successful relationships!" Twilight eagerly danced, tapping her hooves together, before abruptly catching herself and calming down. "Err... Hehe. Sorry. But we absolutely could," she beseeched. "I mean, it's not like anyone has applied a scientific formula to love before. Wouldn't it be incredible if you could know if someone was right for you before you even went on your first date?"
Rarity tossed her mane. "Twilight, I assure you, half the fun of having a special somepony is not knowing what will happen! It's dramatic... thrilling... oh, you've read the books. Really, if I was actually trying to settle down, I would have managed it long ago."
"Are you sure...?" Twilight bit her lip.
"Heehee! No!" Rarity stood up, returning Twilight's grin from earlier. "I did say I was interested, didn't I? And I am curious to hear how you plan on finding out. Besides, the worst that could happen is we'll accomplish nothing and be bored." She stopped herself, pupils shrinking slightly. "That is the worst that could happen, right?"
Twilight shrugged. "I don't even know how we'd test it, yet. Setting up a random sample of ponies on dates and monitoring their coat colors and post-date satisfactions seems like-"
"Twilight," Rarity said, cutting her off with a hoof around the shoulder. "If this is going to involve lengthy plans and explanations, perhaps it would be better to do so over lunch? My treat."
At that, a low growl came from Twilight's stomach, and she blushed. "Uhh... That sounds like a pretty good idea. I might just take you up on that!"
"Lovely!" Rarity curtsied ever-so-slightly. "To where shall we head? The Silver Corral? Cafe Haystack? Ooh, or we could go to that one place I can never remember the name of where all the waiters wear two ties! ...Twilight? If none of those are to your fancy, we could always settle for something simpler, such as..."
Twilight shifted onto her stool, wiggling several times to properly situate herself. Across from her, Rarity sat with folded forehooves placed on a table whimsically carved from a massive stump. A waiter paced regally over, his blue mustache quivering in the breeze.
"Your tea, madame?" he airily intoned, receiving a flutter of eyelashes from Rarity.
"Tea? ...Tea!" Twilight snapped to attention. "Uhh... I'll have... Earl Grey?"
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
Twilight was moving to repeat herself when she realized that it wasn't the waiter who had spoken. "...Rarity?"
Rarity was staring suspiciously at her with a touch of sympathy. "Twilight, 'Earl Grey' is without fault the answer of uncultured ponies when prompted to appear sophisticated whilst drinking tea. Please please please please don't tell me that during your tenure as Princess Celestia's student you were never exposed to the art of tea drinking?"
"Uhhhh..." Twilight blinked, then blushed, turning toward the waiter. "Scratch that! I'll have whatever she's having."
The waiter stoically bowed, then turned to Rarity. "Your tea, madame?"
"I think raspberry would be delightful," Rarity said with a wink. The waiter bowed again and left.
The moment he was out of earshot, Twilight frowned. "What was that all about?"
"Relax, darling, I didn't mean to insult your tastes." Rarity apologetically stared into Twilight's eyes. "This place merely imports their stock of that particular tea from source I happen to be boycotting after an... incident a while back, but offending a servicepony is never a thing I'd do. I'm sure you're as well aware of your own likes and dislikes as I am."
"...Really?" Twilight blinked, tilting her head. "You're boycotting tea?"
Rarity huffed. "Indeed. I happen to have had a... shall we say... short fling with a stallion I learned to be the head of a major Manehattan tea company once. And when I say short, I mean cut short by the discovery that he was a horrible bigot against earth ponies." She narrowed her eyes as she spoke, swinging a hoof as if she were punching something. "Now I'm much more careful to check the sourcing on my teas. Fortunately, just about any kind one wouldn't think of as sophisticated can be made from materials found right here in Ponyville."
Twilight sat back, jaw slack. "Wow. You... must have put a lot of thought into that."
"A businesspony must be conscious of such things," Rarity said dismissively, tossing her mane. "Come though, speaking of affairs failed and successful..." She leaned in with a smile. "I believe we were here to talk about such things?"
"Coat color combinations," Twilight said with a nod. "Or manes, or... anything, really."
"Indeed. You're the scientist, Twilight. What did you have in mind?"
"Hmm..." Twilight held a hoof to her chin. "Well, ideally for an experiment we'd use a double-blind, fully-randomized sample of ponies from all across Equestria. But that sounds impractical in more ways than one..."
"Hah! I don't even know what it means, darling," Rarity laughed, waving a hoof. "I know colors, not science."
"Oh." Twilight folded her ears and smiled apologetically. "Basically we'd randomly choose a bunch of ponies from all across Equestria and get them to go on dates with each other, then see how it went."
Rarity was already nodding. "Mm... Could we not simply ask ponies who already have special someponies? Lyra and Bonbon are an easy first. Who else in Ponyville are in a relationship? There's the Riches, though I can't say they're the best example of a successful relationship. We could also look at-"
"No, no!" Twilight interrupted, waving her hooves. "It has to be random! If you use pre-existing couples, you can't control other factors or eliminate bias."
"Wait..." Rarity blinked several times, a grin spreading on her face. "You mean we get to set half the country up on blind dates!?"
"That's what I said! But, well..." Twilight blushed. "Actually, for the most optimal randomness and removal of bias, we wouldn't exclude ponies who are already in relationships. From the random dates. But that seems..." She blushed harder. "...Impractical?"
"Ah. Yes. Now I see what you meant about it being impractical." Rarity hung her head. "Alas. I imagine it would be very difficult to get ponies we don't know to participate in this as well..."
At that, Twilight nodded. "Yep. I'm not even sure I'd be comfortable asking that of strangers, let alone good at getting them to say yes."
"Hmmmmm," Rarity hummed, holding a hoof to her chin in thought. "And there isn't some kind of middle ground we could take, is there?"
"Well, we could always try a smaller, more local version of the experiment just to get a baseline for what we know we can set up," Twilight suggested. "But still, we'd need the right ponies..." She trailed off, staring into the distance.
Rarity's ears flickered at a sound behind her, prompting her to look in the opposite direction. Briefly, her eyes processed the bombastic pegasus she saw lazily flapping toward them... and then a mischievous smile grew on her face.
"Hey, guys!" Rainbow Dash dropped to the ground, pacing the last few steps to the table. "What's up? Lunch?"
"...Buh?" Twilight shook her head, snapped out of her reverie. "Oh! Hi, Rainbow. We were just talking about-"
"S-S-Shhhh!" Rarity immediately shushed her purple friend with a hoof, then turned knowingly back to Rainbow. "Rainbow Dash!" she giggled, eyes twinkling. "How lovely to see you, darling. I'll bet you twenty bits you'll do the next thing Twilight says."
Twilight's surprise morphed to a smile of realization so wide it slowly seeped out into view from behind Rarity's hoof.
"Uhhh..." Rainbow Dash glanced between the two ponies in slight apprehension. "What's all this about?"
"A chance to one-up me and swipe some of my hard-earned bits, that's what!" Rarity haughtily announced. Her eyes narrowed deviously. "And if you chicken out, I'll go make exactly the same offer to Applejack."
"Sold." Rainbow banged her hoof on the table. "Spill the beans, Twi!"
Twilight levitated Rarity's hoof away from her mouth. "You have to go on a blind date," she smugly squeaked, barely containing the excitement in her voice.
"A what?" Rainbow squeaked back, voice suddenly lowering in horror as she comprehended Twilight's words. "Err, I mean, not that that bothers me, or anything, heh heh! But... why me?" she pleaded, ears flat and practically kneeling before the alicorn.
"Because you happened to be passing by," Rarity daintily said, extending and waggling a hoof. "Twenty bits to get out of it, Dashie. You said yes."
"Uhh... I mean..." Rainbow Dash glanced around, sizing up her methods of escape. "Okay, look. Twilight, I've always thought you were super cute and all, and getting the wings totally makes it twenty times better. And to be honest, I can do cute. I've always loved the way you do your mane, and whatever shampoo you use just makes me wanna use you as a pillow. But if anyone found-"
"R-Rainbow!" Twilight blushed furiously, shrinking back. "I wasn't talking about with m-me!"
"Huh?" Rainbow's gaze flickered to Rarity, and she began to sweat. "O-Okay, then... like... it's not that I don't think you're ridiculously hot or anything, Rares, and I've definitely never fantasized about letting you braid my mane, but I wouldn't let you dress me up and whatever for twenty one bits." She emphatically drew herself up, placing a hoof across her fuzzy blue chest. "I have a reputation to uphold!" Her eyes crossed. "Actually, for that much maybe I would. Or even less. But don't tell anyone."
Rarity turned mildly red. "Oh my. Rainbow Dash, we were talking about a blind date. Not with each other!"
"Oh." Rainbow froze in place, glancing sheepishly around. "I, uhh... Yeah! I totally distracted both of you with my awesome mind games and now you'll be too afraid to collect when I run away for fear of remembering this!" She swung both hooves as if whaling on a punching bag, then made to shoot away into the sky. At the last second, she looked back over her shoulder. "Uhh... then who did you want me to go with?"
Twilight shrugged, still recovering from Rainbow Dash's unanticipated flirting. "Blind and random. I'd just have you show up at the castle tonight and draw a name from a hat, then tell us how it went!"
"It could be anyone in Ponyville," Rarity added approvingly. "And I suppose we'd allow you to redraw if you got somepony you truly had issue with."
"You don't say..." Rainbow stared off into space, slowly forming a devious smirk of her own. Then, without even turning back to her friends: "All right! I'm in. See ya at the castle, an hour before sundown." With that, the prismatic pegasus blasted away.
Twilight straightened up, smiling. "Well? What are we waiting for? Let's go get that list of names!" She started walking, still looking at Rarity, when- Thwack!
Twilight stared up at the elegant chest of the waiter she had just bumped into. He stared back at her, ruffling his mustache with naught but a twitch of the lip. "Your tea, madam."
Rarity giggled, taking the proffered platter of teacups. "Ahh, at last! There'll be time enough for that after drinks, silly filly. Now try this locally-grown raspberry and tell me if it doesn't knock your cliched Earl Grey out of Canterlot!"
In the distance, Rainbow Dash was steadily disappearing on the horizon, snickering to herself and rubbing her hooves together. Cackling softly, she descended over Sweet Apple Acres, swiftly locating her target.
Fwooomp! Rainbow landed with a thud, straight in front of an orange farm mare.
"Rainbow Dash?" Applejack looked up, wiping her brow. "What brings you out this way today?"
"So, AJ," Rainbow casually said, leaning against a tree. "Twenty bits says you're gonna do do the next thing I say..."
POW!
The ornate double-doors to Twilight's Castle flew open from a mighty impact launched by a single, golden hoof. Step by step, two mares stepped through the threshold, heads bowed nobly and pace perfectly synced. One let her hat fall to cover her green eyes, long tied-off mane swinging in the breeze as the setting sun cast her in a silhouette. The other ruffled her feathers, surrounded by a slight corona of refracted light shining through the edges of her prismatic mane. Like sheriffs accepting a duel from the king of all outlaws, they strode slowly and with purpose, never blinking or looking anywhere but straight ahead. In the distance, a ukulele strummed ominously.
At the far end of the reflective hall, two horned mares sat as if enthroned, chests regally puffed as if delivering judgement to a conquered race. A hat floated at the taller one's side like some kind of velvety familiar, filled to the brim with knowledge of an entire town. They stared down the length of the decorated corridor, breath by breath watching as the challengers strode slowly, inexorably forward. A hat was lifted, and four pairs of gleaming eyes locked. Then...
"What'cha doooin'?"
"Gahh!" Applejack nearly jumped out of her skin.
"Pinkie!" Rainbow growled with a hoof to her head, half mad and half disappointed. "You ruined our epic, challenge-accepted entrance!"
Rarity, for one, was giggling helplessly. "Well, that certainly was intense! Might I ask what's going on here?"
Pinkie Pie had dropped from a chandelier, and was presently standing in the middle of the four ponies, eyes bright and mane poofed. "Eh, my party sense told me somepony was about to have a good time, and I followed it here. Did you like the ukulele? I practiced all night!"
"Your..." Applejack blinked, narrowed her eyes, and shrugged. "Party sense. Right. Well, I don't doubt it."
"Speaking of what's going on," Twilight cut in, "hi, Applejack. What are you doing here?"
Applejack flipped a bag of bits with one hoof and caught it with her hat, slapping both back onto her head. "Comin' to one-up Rainbow Dash and make twenty bits."
"Oh my." Rarity held a hoof to her chin. "You mean she talked you into going on a blind date, too?" She pinched her cheeks. "She did, didn't she? Tell me she did!"
"Heh. Oh, she did, all right." Applejack smirked and closed her eyes. "And it's gonna be a reckonin'. But, before we start." Slyly, she turned to Twilight. "What are the odds you'll do the next thing I say in exchange for twenty bits, Twi?"
Twilight's eyes widened and she backed off, shaking her hooves. "Ohhhh no! I see where this is going, and I am not going there!"
"Pity." Applejack glanced at Rarity out of the corner of her eye. "How 'bout you, Rares?"
Rarity straightened herself, smirking across at Twilight. "Well, it looks like I get my fun and break even tonight. Done, Applejack!"
"Heh. All right." Bowing, Applejack tossed Rarity the sack of bits, which was eagerly caught. "Rares, I dare you to go on a date..."
"Yes, yes, just like the two of you," Rarity muttered, barely paying attention as she pocketed the bits. "This was my idea, after all."
"...With Twilight," Applejack finished, a stupid grin on her face. Behind her, Rainbow Dash was beating the floor in silent laughter.
"What!?" Twilight squawked. "Me? Why me!?"
"Haaaah ha ha haa..." Rainbow cackled, pointing. "Haha... no offense, Twi, but after what you pulled on me, that was worth it!"
Rarity looked down at the bits in her hoof with sudden gingerness, then forlornly turned to Twilight. The terrified princess was shaking her head like an oscilloscope.
"...Hmmph," Rarity pouted, throwing the bag and twenty more back at Applejack. "There. You cad." To Twilight, she hissed, "You owe me forty bits!"
"So Twilight," Rainbow quickly offered, standing up. "I hear you're suddenly out forty bits..." She glanced conspiratorially aside at Applejack. "And word is AJ there has exactly that many she wouldn't mind parting with! If only there was something she wanted..."
"Now, now, Rainbow Dash," Applejack interrupted, striding in and patting the pegasus' back. "I think that's more than enough harassing poor Twilight for one day. This here's between you and me, remember?"
Pinkie Pie pushed her head into the circle. "What about me?"
Applejack eyed her. "You, uhh... you wanna go on a blind date with some random mare or stallion too, Pinkie Pie?"
Twilight perked up slightly. "Actually, if you would, that would be perfect!"
"Eh. Well..." Pinkie looked down, brushing dust off a foreleg. "Thing is... last time I tried that, it took months to get the stains out of the ceiling."
"O-Oh my..." Rarity held a hoof to her mouth.
"But it was pretty fun, I'll give you that." Pinkie poofed back to her usual poofiness. "So I'd totally do it again!"
"Eeeheehee!" Twilight giggled. "Three of you! This could really be a success!"
"Well, as long as you're all doing it, I don't see any reason to leave myself out of the fun," Rarity finally announced, shooting a glare at Applejack. "Bits or no bits."
Applejack glanced apologetically at her.
"...You sure you don't want to join, Twi?" Rainbow asked, tone softening. "It sounds like all of us are gonna be doing this as friends, and I know you don't like being left out..."
"Positive," Twilight prudishly announced, drawing a hoof up slightly.
Rarity sighed. "All right, then. I believe it's time to draw the names of our dates?"
"Of course," Twilight said, bringing the hat over with a nod and a pulse of her horn. "Here, I've compiled a list of every eligible mare in Ponyville..."
"...Only the mares, darling?" Rarity raised an eyebrow.
"Hah!" Rainbow did a backflip. "Fine by me!"
Twilight blushed. "Oops?"
"Eh, I'll manage," Applejack said with a shrug. "Not like I have my eye out for anything in particular, either way."
"Me first!" Pinkie interrupted, diving headfirst into the hat. After a moment, she poked her head back out, examined her slip, and blanched. "Ewww! I got Maud! Not that I don't like hanging out with my sis, but this is not that kind of hangout! Redraw!"
Rarity gracefully allowed her to redraw.
"...Minuette!" Pinkie chirped. "Okie dokie lokie!"
"All right, who's next?" Rarity turned, offering the hat between Rainbow and Applejack.
"Might as well," Applejack muttered, drawing a name for herself. "...Cloudchaser."
Rainbow reached in alongside her, and pulled one out as well. Her eyes crossed when she read it. "Maud?"
Pinkie shoved her in the shoulder, eyeing Rainbow's paper suggestively.
As she did so, Rarity turned to the hat herself, looking far away and stirring the contents in delight. "Oh, whoever will I get... who, who could it be...? Aha!" She held up a final piece of paper. "Tree Hugger?"
Twilight immediately clapped her hooves together. "Well, I think that's everypony! Off you go, and have a great night! Don't forget to come back here and tell me all about it!"
She sat, waving, as her four friends trotted off, laughing and boasting to each other. The corner of her mouth twitched, then her eye. Then she vanished in a burst of lavender light.
Rarity sat on the porch of Carousel Boutique in a portable rocking chair, bathed in the setting sun. Tree Hugger sat across from her, making clover-shaped rings with her pipe, eyes so glassy you could use them to make windows.
For the eleventh time, Rarity dared to try making conversation. "So... How about your, ahem, lovely Cutie Mark? Where did you get that, Tree?"
"Ooonce," Tree Hugger drawled with the speed and deliberacy of a snail creating postmodern art, "I..."
Rarity tapped a hoof.
Tree Hugger's mouth moved for several seconds before it began making a sound. "Hugged..."
"Yes...?"
"A..."
Rarity barely restrained herself from rolling her eyes. "A tree, darling?"
The corners of Tree Hugger's mouth upturned in advance, her eyes gradually lighting up. "Treeeeeee!"
"You... ahem..." Rarity narrowed her eyes. "Don't say."
Tree Hugger, as requested, didn't say anything. Rarity sighed.
"How's this line up with our hypothesis?" a voice whispered in her tired ear.
"Uwawawa!" Rarity shrieked in surprise, nearly tumbling from her chair. "Twilight!?"
Tree Hugger began raising an eyebrow.
"Hee..." Twilight peeked out from behind a bush next to Rarity's patio. "Yep!"
Rarity leaned over at her, completely ignoring her date. "Darling, has everyone else finished theirs already? Forgive me, but right now it's dreadfully hard to keep track of time."
Tree Hugger's eyebrow continued inching upwards.
"Nope!" Twilight shook her head. "I pretty much came straight here. It's been like ten minutes."
Rarity's face fell into a mask of despair. "O-Only ten minutes!? Twilight, it feels like it's been hours!"
"Time isn't appearing to fly?" Twilight frowned, changing into research mode. "That's not a good sign. Uh, how are things going, then? I did bring along some paper to take notes, but-"
Tree Hugger's eyebrow rose as far as it would go. "Ohhhhhh!"
"Huh?" Twilight looked past Rarity at the pipe-wielding mare sitting across from her. "Oh! Hi. I should probably come out of this bush, shouldn't I?"
Tree Hugger's mouth opened, forming her next word.
"Hi!" Twilight chirped again, extending a forehoof once she was on the patio. "I can't remember if we've met, but I'm Twilight Sparkle. Hee... You probably already know me."
"Youuuuuu're," Tree Hugger slowly chirped back.
Twilight tilted her head in confusion. "Huh?"
Rarity nudged her. "Wait for it, darling. This is how my entire afternoon's been."
"What's she doing?" Twilight knelt to whisper in Rarity's ear.
"An..."
Rarity rolled her eyes in earnest this time. "Talking, of course."
Twilight turned back to Tree Hugger, who was presently positioning her tongue to form a syllable. "Uhhh..."
"Alllllliicooorrrrrrrrn!" Tree Hugger grinned spectacularly.
"Well, it's, uhh..." Twilight fumbled for words. "A... pleasure to meet you, miss Tree-"
"Priiiiinceeeeeesss!"
Rarity butted in. "Um, excuse me, but would you mind terribly if Twilight and myself stepped away for a bit?" She fluttered her eyelids. "We have a little scientific business to attend to that simply cannot wait, and... You know?"
Tree Hugger's brow began to furrow in concern. "Noooo?"
Wiping a hoof across her brow, Rarity turned to Twilight. "Up, up and away, if you please?"
"I."
Twilight stared at Tree Hugger for a moment longer.
"Wouuuuuldnnn't..."
"...Yeah," Twilight eventually said. "I might just take you up on that."
"Smashing!" Rarity ducked inside and slammed the door. Twilight blinked twice, then teleported after her.
Tree Hugger hadn't even begin turning to look where they had gone. "Minnnnnd."
"Whew!" Rarity leaned, panting, against a couch, safely locked inside her home. Twilight Sparkle momentarily appeared next to her in a flash of lavender.
"Twilight," Rarity began as sternly as she was able, "while part of me wants to chastise you for convincing me to, shall we say 'bow out' of that friendly little competition..." Her frown flipped upside-down, and she rushed over to hug her friend. "I can legitimately say without a doubt that that was the most boring romantic excursion I have ever been on, and I am very grateful to you for, ahem, providing me with an out."
"Aww, you're welcome!" Twilight blushed, waiting for Rarity to release her. "So, yours was a failure? How does that line up with our hypothesis?"
Rarity shook her head, gesturing to the couch beside them. "Frankly, I think we look hideous together. That mare might look pretty with someone like Fluttershy, but hardly myself. That shade of green and my coat do not mix, darling."
"Hmm..." Twilight hummed, curling up on the couch. "Well, unfortunately, due to bias, that could be a false positive, so we can't really give it too much weight." Her face brightened. "Still, it's better than being wrong!"
"Well, I'm glad some good could come of it." Rarity rolled her eyes, and turned toward the kitchen. "Can I get you anything to drink?"
Twilight stuck out her tongue. "I'd like a nice cup of Earl Green, if you please."
"Hah!" Rarity staggered, leaning on the wall and chuckling. "I'll take that as a 'whatever you're having,' Twilight?"
"Sure, Rarity." Smiling, Twilight curled deeper into the couch and closed her eyes, basking in the perfumed scent of Rarity's boutique. Briefly, she wondered why she didn't come around more often.
Several minutes later, Rarity trotted out, two elegant cups balanced in her sparkling aura. "Twilight?"
"Nnghkg?" Twilight snorted, lifting her head from where it lay and blinking.
Rarity paid the gesture no heed, settling onto the couch beside Twilight. "Tea?"
"What kind?" Twilight lifted her head, taking one mug with her own aura.
"Lemongrass," Rarity said, taking a sip and setting hers on the table. "...So."
Twilight sniffed her tea, shying back from the heat. "So?"
Rarity looked her in the eye. "So you're really sure you don't even want to try going on a date with anypony."
Twilight smirked at her cup. "I'm preeetty sure."
"Not that I'm trying to disrespect your choices, Twilight..." Rarity paused, taking another sip. "Exactly the opposite, in fact. But might I ask why? I know for a fact you have a taste for romance novels."
"Well..." Twilight re-folded her hooves, sighing. "That's just it. Whoever read a romance novel about two ponies just... peacefully living together without any drama?"
"Hmmm?" Rarity raised an eyebrow. "Keep talking, darling."
"Every romance novel ever is about a love triangle, or star-crossed lovers, or enemies-turned-friends, or... you know!" Twilight glared up at the ceiling. "And, well, same goes for things like this. Setting yourself up for a one-night fling... It's like you're looking for drama. Like you want the night to fail, just so you can do it again. Like... you care more about falling in love than being in love."
"All perfectly accurate," Rarity admitted without any hint of give in her voice. "I take it that's not your idea of a good time, then."
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Rarity, when you're the so-many-times-I've-forgotten savior of Equestria, drama gets a little..." She stopped, and her eyes widened. "Oh, right! You are too. I mean, uhhh..." She fidgeted, trying to rephrase.
"It's okay, darling." Rarity offered a calming smile. "I know exactly what you mean."
Twilight sighed in relief. "The point is, my life has been pretty dramatic. Yours too, I guess. And I don't know about you, but I just... don't see any point in seeking cheap thrills when I've survived the real thing."
"Survived." Rarity sighed deeply. "That's how you feel about all our adventures together?"
"Rarity..." Twilight grimaced. "Do you know how much danger we're usually in when we get called out as a team to deal with threats to Equestria?"
Rarity chuckled. "Oh, well, of course there's danger, but we always have you there to-" She abruptly stopped. "Oh my. Twilight, I believe I just took you for granted."
"See?" There was an edge of desperation to Twilight's voice. "They're thrilling... exhilarating... and I know for a fact I get bored and more than a little loopy without them. But at the same time, they're terrifying! We could fail, or get hurt, or... Well..." She swallowed, folding her ears. "The point is, they're really serious. And somehow, it feels... I don't know..." She shrugged her shoulders, looking into her tea. "Disrespectful? To try and go looking for drama. It's like you're inviting something bad to happen. Maybe." She shuddered.
Rarity set down her cup after a long sip. "It's interesting that you feel that way. I, for one, find it quite useful to be able to scratch that itch for adventure in a much less dangerous manner."
"Well..." Twilight hung her head. "Like I said, I don't know. This isn't really something I spend all that much time thinking about. I know how I feel, but it's tough putting words to it."
"Hmmm," Rarity hummed, folding her hooves. "I wonder... do you not enjoy the idea of dating because it's the drama that seems a knockoff? Or is it..." She sipped from her tea. "Something else?"
"Something like..." Twilight blinked. "Oh. You mean love."
"Love." Rarity put her cup down. "The point of dating, some might say."
"Love," Twilight repeated. "Well, yeah. That too. I just... it feels weird, imagining myself sitting at a table and acting like I loved somepony... romantically loved them, just to have a good time. It feels..."
"Sacrilegious?" Rarity offered.
"Yeah."
Rarity took a long breath, straightening her shoulders. "Well. I... feel like I've come to understand you better, Twilight Sparkle." She stood up, offering a hoof to help her friend up. "You've tasted, or at least have an idea in your head of what's true and genuine, and you won't settle for anything less, no matter how fun and in-the-moment it may be." She tipped her head. "Am I on the right track?"
Twilight blinked. "I... yeah. That's a good way to put it."
"Interesting," Rarity mumbled around the last of her tea. "Perhaps you're more romantic a mare than I, even."
"Wait, huh?" Twilight's muzzle scrunched, her eyes turning in confusion. "Rarity, I... well... Okay. Some day, if I ever settle down... I don't care about the whole 'falling in love' bit. What I'd want is the happily ever after..." Her eyes softened. "And how would I even know when that starts if I get too used to falling in love over and over again? Does that make sense?"
"Perfectly." Rarity offered a soft smile, along with a hoof to help Twilight up. "Eventually I imagine I'll meet somepony perfect for me and settle down, living peacefully and without dramatic, romantic escapades myself. And when it comes, I'll welcome it with open hooves. But until then, I might as well have my fun, no?" She sighed wistfully. "You, however, won't accept any substitutes along the way." With a wink, she added, "I feel like I've finally figured out what makes you tick, Twilight."
Twilight bit her lip. She was about to remark, when...
THUDDDD!
Something large and pliable struck Rarity's rear window, and didn't fall off. Rarity and Twilight both jumped in alarm, galloping to the aperture in question.
Twilight peered through, seeing a mess of cyan pegasus plastered against the outer pane. "...Rainbow Dash?"
Rarity quickly unlatched the window with her magic. Rainbow dropped off it and hit the floor, simultaneously groaning and grinning up at them. "Heh heh... Sorry, Rares. Thought this thing was open."
"Are you..." Twilight hesitated. "Done with your date?" She leaned in eagerly. "And if so, tell me how it went! You were with Maud, right?"
"Okay, so that's the thing!" Rainbow jumped up, a note of panic in her voice. "So, see, when I realized I actually was going to do this date thing, I knew I really had to do it right, right? To beat Applejack. That's pretty much the only reason I'm doing it at all. So I flew in to Wonderbolt HQ and called in as many favors as I had. Which is actually a lot, because I'm awesome. Anyway, I figured I'd set up something like that one scene in Daring Do and the Amulet of Curvy Flanks where... Aah, you know the one!" She held a hoof to her forehead, then flung it up in the air. "Right, Twi? That one really good fanfiction with the awesome confession scene? You know it, right? Anyway, I used my brain, and I thought, 'what better way to bring us together as a couple than me saving her from bad guys and certain danger!?'"
"Rainbow Dash..." Rarity hummed disapprovingly. "Are you going where I think you're going with this?"
Rainbow pouted at her. "Maybe. So anyway, I got the Wonderbolts to dress up like ninjas and totally come attack us while we were in the park, only like deliberately lose to me and stuff. Right? An then Maud-" Rainbow flung her hooves in the air- "Maud comes out of nowhere and completely owns them before I can even lift a hoof. All of them. Before me." She gripped Rarity's cheeks, staring into her friend's sapphiric eyes. "Do you have any idea how awesome that is!?"
"Dashie...?" Rarity blinked. "Are you trying to tell me you're smitten?"
"I think so? Whatever," Rainbow Dash panted in panic. "Point is, what do I do?"
Beaming broadly, Rarity patted her friend on the shoulder. "Well, I'm not quite sure you need to do anything, darling. After all, it's perfectly expectable for two friends to fall in love on a date. ...Say." Rarity shifted her eyes. "What does Maud think of all this? That you, ahem, hired ninjas to attack her?"
"I dunno." Rainbow shrugged. "I haven't actually talked to her. All I did was leave a note that said, 'meet me on Cherrytop Hill at sundown,' and she showed up and trashed the Wonderbolts. I figured the rest would be, like, automatic?"
"Oh, Rainbow Dash..." Rarity shook her head. "In that case, I do believe you're sending the wrong impression. But I also believe this night has had its share of mishaps and catastrophes already..." She shot a sidelong glance at Twilight, then at the door to her house. "So it would probably be for the best if we forgot all about it and got on with our lives. I can only hope the others are having better luck than us."
"What? No!" Rainbow shot up, hovering nearly upside-down as she stared down at her friend. "Didn't I just tell you how awesome Maud was?"
Rarity rolled her eyes. "Well, then, your best bet is to be honest with her, both about what happened and your feelings. Have fun, Rainbow Dash."
"Sweet! Thanks!" Rainbow blasted off, leaving a trail of prismatic light rapidly fading through Rarity's open window.
"Well!" Twilight smiled broadly. "A success! Would, um..." She folded her ears, eyes large and wobbly. "Would you say they compliment each other well? In terms of color?"
"A mare as colorful as Rainbow is indeed well complemented by a monotone gray, yes, ahem," Rarity coughed. "However, I have to disagree with your assessment in the other regard. That relationship is doomed."
"Aww." Twilight hung her head.
"Either way, darling," Rarity said, lifting Twilight's chin with a hoof, "I very much enjoyed our little chat together, even if it was unplanned and... we left our friends out in the drink, as 'twere. What say you we get a head start back to the castle and wait for the others, hmm?"
Twilight crawled to the front window and peered out. Tree Hugger remained on the porch, blowing rings of smoke in the shape of origami swans. "Well..."
"Ah. Yes. Right." Rarity looked downcast. "Well, I suppose I do need to clean up what I got myself into, after all."
"Orrrrr..." Twilight nudged her, grinning, "you can make it dramatic..."
"Oh?" Rarity asked slowly, raising an eyebrow.
"I dunno, Rarity," Twilight said with a shrug, a smile playing across her lavender face. "Passion and drama and all that. Maybe we should jump out the other window like Rainbow and... run away?"
"Oh, Twilight!" Rarity shoved her, cracking up. "Sometimes, you're too much. Now move aside, and I'll just..."
She made it to the window as well, and when she saw the shape of Tree Hugger's latest smoke sigil, her lip curled. "Well, I never! To the window it is!"
With a gentle flapping of wings, Twilight landed in the grass outside her crystal castle, setting Rarity down beside her.
"Whooo... Heeheehee..." Rarity brushed back her mane with a hoof, doing her best to straighten a few loose hairs. "I think, darling, that was perhaps a bit too much drama. I didn't expect you meaning to fly us here!"
Twilight rolled her eyes and shoved Rarity. "Drama queen."
"Hahaha!"
Laughing together, they shoved open the doors to the palace, stepping inside.
"...Hmm." Twilight glanced around the empty throne room. "It seems we're the first ones to return."
Before Rarity could respond, she was interrupted by a loud bang and the slamming of doors. "Rarity!" A prismatic blur shot into the room, spinning at high speeds. "What gives!?" Rainbow yelped in her face.
"Eeuchth." Rarity took a moment to wipe her face and fix her mane, which had been blown back by the strength of Rainbow's voice. "Rainbow Dash, what do you mean, 'what gives?'"
"I followed your advice to the letter," Rainbow said, emphatically gesturing. "I set everything up perfectly, I got her right where I wanted, and I told her the Wonderbolts were my idea and I had a huge crush on her!" Rainbow Dash futilely tugged on the ends of her mane. "And she said she already has a crush on somepony else!"
"Rainbow Dash-" Rarity reached a hoof out.
"Aww, I'm ruined!" Rainbow floated back and out of reach, holding a hoof to her forehead. "Now Applejack's gonna win!"
"Rainbow," Twilight said shortly, "if it makes you feel better, Rarity pretty much didn't have a date either."
Rainbow blinked. "Wait, what?"
"That's right, darling." Rarity patted her on the shoulder, then hesitated. "Well, technically I had half of one. It was... less than admirable. I daresay you did the best out of anyone here."
For a moment, Rainbow stared. Then... "Yes!" She pumped a hoof, vigor restored. "Now all I have to hope is that Applejack had just as bad of luck as you, and-"
"What's that about me?" Applejack's voice called from the hallway.
"Oh, uhh..." Rainbow held her hooves behind her back, staring at Applejack and snickering. "Hey there, AJ. How'd your date go, eh?" She waggled her eyebrows.
Applejack smirked smugly. "Well, Cloudchaser was right pleasant. I took her out for dinner and everything."
Rainbow's jaw dropped, then she swung a hoof. "Darn it!"
"Wow, Applejack," Twilight said, pacing forward. "Congratulations on being the only one of us to actually go on a date!"
Applejack stared. She looked as if she might scowl... then sighed in relief. "Well, then, I guess there's no shame in admittin' that the moment she was done with her food, she, uh... went and danced with somepony other than me?" She grinned sheepishly. "And I never saw her again for the rest of the night?"
Rainbow's relief mirrored hers, only scaled exponentially. "Oh, whew!"
"I, meanwhile," Rarity huffed imperiously, striding up to Applejack, "flagrantly ignored Tree Hugger and instead had tea with Twilight." She flashed a victorious smirk at the farm mare. "Forty bits, Applejack!"
"What!?" Twilight squawked. "Rarity! That wasn't a... a..."
"Play along, darling," Rarity hissed, elbowing her.
Applejack removed her hat and hung her head. "Honest, Rarity, I was feelin' pretty bad about rippin' you off earlier for a joke, and was plannin' on givin' it back, but... Eheh... Cloudchaser picked a pretty expensive place to go and then left me to take the bill." She folded her ears in shame. "Date or no, mind if I pay you back a little later?"
"It's quite alright, Applejack," Rarity said softly, instantly forgiving. "I have plenty more where those came from, and was initially willing to fund this little fiasco."
Applejack looked quizzically at her... then sighed and wiped her brow. "Whew. Well, if you're sure. It's pretty late, though. Think I best get back to the farm. See ya!"
Throwing a wave over her shoulder, the orange mare trotted for the doorway with a spring in her step. Rainbow Dash looked forlornly after her, then turned to Twilight and Rarity. "Yeah... I think I hear some soft, fluffy clouds calling my name as well. Rainbow out!"
As soon as the door was closed behind them, Twilight's demeanor shattered and she stomped a hoof. "Well... ponyfeathers."
Rarity laughed nervously. "Ah, yes. I suppose we didn't have any successes whatsoever tonight, did we?"
"We didn't!" Twilight vehemently agreed, beginning to stalk in circles. "I don't understand. It doesn't disprove our hypothesis, exactly, because the data clearly isn't random. There must just be some other factor at play that caused all cases to return negative..."
"Twilight," Rarity chided, reaching out a hoof to halt her friend. "I enjoyed myself. I imagine you did as well. And the rest of our friends?" She flounced her mane. "Well, I hardly imagine they would have gotten out like that otherwise. Perhaps we didn't learn what we were interested in, but we did at least have a good time."
"Ohhhh..." Twilight whimpered, hanging her head. "But it feels like I just made it awkward for everypony instead! We should have-"
"Twilight, really!" Rarity exclaimed. "There's a difference between awkward moments that ruin friendships and those that we'll all laugh about in the morning, and this is hardly the former!"
Twilight sheepishly glanced up. "Um. Yeah, you're right. Sorry, Rarity. I was just..." She let out a long breath, nostrils flaring. "Really looking forward to learning something about how love works."
"I see." Rarity moved so that she was standing alongside Twilight, rather than across from her. "Can I tell you something?"
Twilight blinked. "Um, sure."
"I learned something about love tonight," Rarity explained with a smile on her face. "Specifically, what makes you tick. A mystery I've always looked forward to solving."
"Mmmm..." Twilight sighed. "You don't think I'm being too fanciful? Too idealistic? That I could just... settle down with somepony? That I'd never have to fight, or worry, or change to keep, who would grow old with me?"
"I told you before, Twilight," Rarity said, playfulness in her voice, "I eventually hope to be that way in the future, too. It's no more silly a thought than you or I. I just... feel like having a little fun in the present, while I wait to meet that perfect pony."
"Well..." Twilight folded her ears, smiling gently at Rarity. "Thanks."
Rarity paused, then looked quizzically at her friend. "I... imagine you're ready to give up on that experiment of ours, now, darling?"
"Yeah," Twilight sighed. "I guess so. It's... well, I honestly have no idea how we would continue it. If we can't make it work with our friends, what hope do we have of extending it to the general population?"
"I see." Rarity dragged a hoof along the crystal floor, eliciting a slight scraping. "Twilight, forgive me in advance if this is too bold, but... I do have one idea."
"Oh?" Twilight's ears perked.
"That is to say..." Rarity looked away. "That white and lavender do go quite nicely together."
Twilight's eyes crossed. "Huh?" She scrunched her face in thought, eyes very slowly widening. "Wait, do you mean...?"
"I mean nothing that would come close to overstepping boundaries, darling," Rarity assured, waving a hoof. Then, she hastily added, "I hope."
Twilight lifted an ear.
"Think about it, Twilight," Rarity said calmly. "As different as we are, we're ultimately both looking for the same thing. We already know each other, and I for one find our conversations most delightful. And, like I said, we do look smashing together."
"Well, you are pretty easy to talk to." Twilight bashfully hung her head. "I mean, not that our other friends aren't! You just... well, you know."
Rarity waited to see if Twilight would continue. When she didn't: "You sound reserved."
"Well, this isn't really what I imagined it'd look like," Twilight admitted. "You're right, we have known each other for quite a while. I just... well, I thought I'd meet somepony and just know."
Rarity giggled. "Did you, now?" Gently, she lifted Twilight's chin with a hoof. "Twilight, love is a thing that is nurtured and grows. If it was there all at the start... it wouldn't be a journey, would it? There would be no point in ponies remaining together when everything they'd gain could be experienced in a single night... It would burn out just as easily as it would start. Does that sound more like what you want, or what I partake in from time to time?"
Twilight slowly thought. "...Huh."
"It's not a commitment, darling," Rarity assured when Twilight continued in silence. "It's not like you have to propose here and now, or anything."
"Then what is it?" Twilight asked hesitantly. "I mean, you know me, I don't really... well..."
"Well." Rarity laid a hoof on Twilight's shoulder. "If you're interested... and by 'interested,' I mean interested in finding out if you're interested... all we'd have to do is have dinner again some time. Just like tonight." She hesitated, and added, "Only, perhaps, without all the fuss of Tree Hugger and this little experiment of ours."
When Twilight nodded for her to go on, she thought for a bit, and said, "Twilight, there's no guarantees of anything, let alone that we'd be right for each other. But there's always a chance we could be, and in my opinion it's significantly better than with anypony else. We wouldn't need to do anything... no obligations, no formalities, no flaring passions... nothing except give each other a chance to get to know each other a little bit better than we currently do." She stepped back. "What say you, darling?"
A slow smile spread across Twilight's face. "Rarity... I might just take you up on that."
In the back room of a casino in Canterlot, a poofy pink mare lined up a pool shot, squinting expertly down the length of a rod. Crack! Balls flew, and she leapt up, giving her blue-coated teammate a double hoofbump.
"Awww yeah!" Pinkie crowed. "Plus one, team laughter! Take that, hoofball guys!"
Two hairy stallions against which they were playing looked at the table in disappointment. "Yeah, man, we can't really deal with this," the first said abruptly.
"I know, right?" the second added, a clear note of deliberate good sportsmanship to his voice. "Just, like, we don't even know how to deal with this kind of skill and stuff."
"I'm gonna go grab more drinks, bro," the first offered.
"Yeah, yeah, I think I'll be right behind you. Take it easy, ladies!"
The two stallions departed as quickly as their dignity allowed. Pinkie and Minuette turned to each other and grinned broadly.
"Heeheehee!" Minuette giggled. "This kind of skill and stuff!"
"You said it!" Pinkie shoved her in the flank. "It's like they don't even recognize luck when they see it!"
Minuette shoved back. "Well, your luck is always good when it makes things funny!"
"Awww!" Pinkie exaggeratedly pouted. "You're on to me!"
"Heeheeheehee!"
"Whoooo!" Pinkie spun in celebration, accidentally launching her cider glass upward. Crack! Splooosh! It impacted against the ceiling, prompting the party pony to grab her friend and duck out of the way of raining cider.
"Aww." Pinkie looked up in disappointment, ears drooping. "I was really hoping I'd get through one of these without staining the ceiling again."
Both mares were silent for a time. Minuette grinned. Pinkie grinned back.
Eventually, Minuette rolled her eyes. "Some date this is, Pinkie."
"Yeah," Pinkie fervently agreed. "Wouldn't it be awkward if we were the only ones who bailed on Twilight and Rarity?"
"Hee. You said it!"
Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. "Yeah. I've always thought plain old hangouts were funnier, anyway."
