Storytime with Carrot Cuck
The dining area inside Sugarcube Corner lay vacant save for two young foals putting cakes into the display case for tomorrow's crowd. The store had already closed, as it always did after sundown on a Tuesday.
Pound Cake sealed the display case, having somehow smashed all of the cakes together into the top row. Icing and undercooked batter had become stuck in the door and dripped down the outside of the case, but Pound considered this a sign of how much hard work he and his sister had done today.
As Pumpkin Cake turned the store lights down, Pound angrily stomped his little hoof on the floor. "After all that baking, we still don't have our cutie marks!" he whined, looking sullenly back at his barren white flank in the dim lighting. "Pumpkin, can you turn the lights back up? Maybe it just gotta be real bright to see it..."
"It's okay, Pound," said Pumpkin, briefly hugging her twin brother. "We'll get our cutie marks real soon. You know what the word fate means?"
Pound nodded and frowned. "Yeah, it's like, what's gonna happen you can't stop, 'cause you got no choice."
"Yeah. Mommy told me cutie marks are like that. Maybe fate says we're not gonna be bakers? We might run the store different," she said, with a shrug. "You know, we should prob'ly join the Crus—"
The sound of a key turning in the front door silenced the filly.
"Pumpkin, who is that?" whispered Pound, eyes wide. "Mom and Dad are upstairs!"
The door opened, and in trotted an athletic, muscular pony. The sharp contrast of his white pelt against his black mane and beard made him easy to identify from a distance, even in dim lighting.
Pumpkin gasped. "It's Nightjar!" she squealed. The foals ran out from behind the display case and up to him.
"Hay, Nightjar!" said Pound, excitedly buzzing his wings. "Where's Zipporwhill?"
Nightjar petted Pumpkin gently on the head, then broke into a grin as he roughly tousled Pound's mane.
"He's always touchier with you," said Pumpkin.
Pound smoothed his mane out again with a hoof. "That's 'cause I'm a colt!" he said proudly, lifting his chin.
The large stallion chuckled. "I'm sorry little ones, but even Zipporwhill is asleep by now, yes," he said, his voice carrying a thin but noticeable Orlovian accent. "Your Mommy and Daddy are home, and it is much past your bedtime. So you do not need a babysitter tonight, no?"
"Aww!" the foals pouted in unison.
"Besides, your pink friend could sit for you as well, no?" said Nightjar.
Pound shook his head. "Nope! Not tonight anyway. Pinkie's away saving Equestra again."
"Equestr-eee-ah," corrected Pumpkin Cake, with a smug upturned look on her face. For a moment, Pound glared at her.
"Ah, I see. Perhaps my Zipporwhill will sit for you soon. But you don't need to wait to be sat upon if you just wish to see her! You are both always welcome to visit," said Nightjar. He walked over to the display case and flipped the lights back on. "Now why are two little ponies up so late? Are you waiting for Balka Yagait to come and eat you up for her supper?" He smacked his lips as he reached down and tickled both foals in the stomach, making them bubble with laughter and back up a few steps.
Pound gasped for breath, while Pumpkin recovered more quickly. "Oh, it's late 'cause we're cleaning up. We baked like, a million cakes today!" said Pumpkin. She rolled her eyes back in her head and placed the back of her ankle just beneath her horn, feigning exhaustion.
"Maybe even six!" added Pound. "It was a whole lot of cakes."
Nightjar took a brief side-look and noticed the sizeable abomination of cake crammed into the display case. "Ha! Yes, I can see. You two did a lot of work!"
Pumpkin was staring into space when her eyes lit up. "Hay! Mister Nightjar, I got a question," she asked the stallion. "I guess Mommy and Daddy gave you a key because Zipporwhill comes here to sit a lot, but why are you here without her?"
"Why, I am here to meet with your parents, of course. But mostly your mother, yes," said Nightjar as he stroked his thick black beard in thought. "Please, wait here now. I will send your father down to watch after you."
Nightjar walked up the steps, which creaked slightly under his weight.
"You think Daddy's gonna let us stay up?" Pumpkin Cake asked her brother, eyes wide with delight.
"Maybe!" said Pound Cake, pronking in place while spinning in a circle. "Tomorrow's a holiday, so there's no school. Which is awesome."
It wasn't very loud, but the twins could hear the door to the master bedroom opening upstairs, followed by Nightjar's voice. "I will handle Cup tonight. Go do your job," he said, rather gruffly.
"Y-yes sir, right away," said Carrot Cake, and then the door shut. A few moments later, Carrot headed down the stairs to greet his children. He wore a pair of grey sweatpants tied up around the middle of his barrel, which looked a bit odd.
"Daddycanwestayuplate!" yelped Pumpkin, in one large breath.
"Can we? Can we can we can we can we?" added Pound.
"Heh. I suppose you could stay up a little late," said Carrot, "but if you do, it needs to be upstairs in your room. Daddy went to a lot of trouble to install all that soundproofing last Winter."
"Aww! But we wanna show you the cakes we made!" said Pumpkin Cake.
Pound Cake nodded vigorously. "Look! We squished 'em together into a supercake!"
Carrot Cake peeked into the display window. Inside the top row, a very long and extremely messy cake-like object had been squeezed into place. Frosting and batter was plastered over some of the window.
"You two certainly did something special today," said Carrot, just now noticing the unfortunate phallic shape of the cake-mass. It was long and circular, with two bumpy parts, one at the end and one in the middle. It looked vaguely a little like a flare and a medial ring.
Briefly, Carrot wondered if he'd noticed only because he had a perverted mind, but he quickly dismissed that possibility.
"We're gonna sell it!" said Pumpkin, clopping her forehooves together as her brother stamped the floor with glee.
"Heh, well... you know, kids, this is such a special cake that maybe we should use it for something special, too! Why don't we give it to Pinkie when she returns from her mission?" Internally, Carrot breathed a sigh of relief. Pinkie Pie would gobble the whole thing down: eggshells, raw dough, and all. She'd even appreciate the work that went into it.
Both foals nodded in agreement. "Okay!" said Pumpkin.
"Oh! Hay, Daddy?" Pound asked. "I gotta question."
"Sure thing, champ. Ask away."
"Why don't I look like you or Mommy?" he asked.
Carrot Cake blanched and his mouth gaped for a moment. "W-wow. Well, um, Pound, I can definitely see Mommy in you. You have the same swoop to your mane, and you have her eyes too," he said. "Your eyes are much darker because you're a colt, just like how coat colors for colts are usually less brightly-colored. But ponies don't always look exactly like their parents, because the way babies are made is complicated. Whatever made you think you didn't look like us?"
"Pumpkin looks, like, exactly like you! She gots orange hair and a yellow coat. So how come I got white and brown?" asked Pound, pointing first to his pelt, then his mane. "Mommy's blue with pink hair. My mane is dark..."
Pumpkin nodded. "Oh! You know, I think Pound looks more like Night—"
"Okay!" Carrot loudly interrupted his daughter with a nervous grin. "I, um, I think we need to go to sleep. Come on upstairs..."
"Oh, and I'm a pegasus too!" said Pound, frowning. "And Pumpkin's a unicorn."
"Yeah, I am one of those," said Pumpkin Cake, with a decisive nod. A tiny little spark emanated from the tip of her horn.
Carrot Cake took a deep breath before speaking. "Kids, we've already talked about this. Your mother and I are earth ponies, but we have distant ancestors..."
Pumpkin shook her head. "Nuh-uh. Cheerilee says that's all made up."
"Wait, sh-she did?" said Carrot, biting nervously at his upper lip.
"Yeah, she taught us all about pony gen-tiks! Pony types mostly only go back to gran'pas and grammas," Pumpkin explained. "But our gran'pas and grammas are earth ponies too."
"How come we're not earth ponies like you and Mommy? Is it a mystery?" asked Pound, cocking his head in an adorable manner.
"Well... horsefea—whoops! Oh, dear. Heh, Daddy almost said a naughty word out loud." Beads of sweat rolled down Carrot's forehead. "Could we maybe talk about this tomorrow instead? Please?" he asked. Maybe they'll forget about it...
"We don't got school tomorrow," said Pound Cake, with a bright smile. "We can talk now!"
Carrot lowered his head tiredly and snorted. "Well, let... let me go check with Mommy," he said. "Just wait here."
Daddy cantered quickly but quietly up the stairs. The foals heard him knock softly on the door before opening it, and then there were voices.
"Ah, Carrot. I see the little ones are in bed and you have now arrived to beg us to watch, like an impotent worm. You may begin with the begging, please," said Nightjar. Mommy giggled.
"Well, um, that's the thing. There's a problem with the foals..." said Daddy.
"Tsk, tsk, sweetheart," said Mommy. "You can't even manage taking care of two little foals now? That's more pathetic than usual."
Downstairs, Pound whispered, "What does 'pathetic' mean?"
Pumpkin shrugged. "I dunno. Most of those are grown-up words."
Nightjar sighed. "My goodness, Carrot. You had best handle them! What problem is so great that it must intrude upon your wife's happiness?"
"I... I think they know. About... this," said Daddy, almost too quietly for the foals to hear.
"Horseshit," said Mommy. (The foals quietly giggled.) "How much do they know?"
Then the door closed, and everything went quiet.
"You think we should go listen at the door?" asked Pound, as a mischievous smile crept across his muzzle.
Pumpkin shook her head. "I don't wanna get Nightjar mad. I think he was angry at Daddy so he'll really be angry at us."
"Oh. Yeah, I guess you're right," said Pound.
Then the twins heard the sound of the door opening, followed by Nightjar's voice. "You have ten minutes before the noises begin, yes."
"They don't want to go to bed! They'll hear—" said Daddy.
"That is your task, foalish excuse for a stallion. Go now!" ordered Nightjar.
The door shut, and Daddy returned. He was blushing.
Carrot Cake fidgeted with the side of his sweatpants. "I, um..." he said, lying down flat on his barrel. "I think I can answer your questions, kids. But we should really go into your room first."
Pound Cake frowned and shook his head. "Not until you tell."
Carrot looked to Pumpkin Cake for sympathy, but found a stubborn glare instead.
"Okay. I have no idea how to do this, but... okay. First, let's talk about Pumpkin Cake," said Carrot. "Now, Daddy has a little secret, so you have to promise never to tell anypony, okay?"
"Okay!" said Pumpkin, bouncing in place.
"You too Pound," said Daddy.
Pound nodded, and made the motions of a Pinkie Promise.
Carrot Cake lifted his mane up and pulled it backwards. On the top of his forehead was a tiny, round nub.
"Is that... is it a little horn?" asked Pound, eyes wide.
Pumpkin gasped. "My Daddy's a unicorn?! Eeeeeeee!" she squealed and pronked in place, then stopped short. "But what happened to your horn, Daddy? Why are you pretending to be an earth pony?"
Pound gasped. "I bet Daddy's a secret agent from S.M.I.L.E.!" he announced, then struck a macho-looking pose.
A sheepish grin crossed Carrot's face. "Well, there's nothing wrong with Daddy's horn, exactly. I just keep it filed down," he explained. "Although, Mommy actually, um... helps out, because she's the one who files it down for Daddy. She has ever since we married. Our friend Nightjar helps too, by, well, holding Daddy's head in place."
"In place where?" asked Pound.
"Er, well... he holds Daddy's head down on the floor, along with the rest of me. It makes it much easier for Mommy to file it down, you see." Carrot Cake did his best to avoid eye contact with his own children.
"Oh! That's why you aren't heavy like Mommy—you're not an earth pony!" said Pumpkin Cake, grinning at her deduction.
"Yeah, and even for a unicorn you don't got muscles," said Pound Cake. "I mean, even I got bigger muscles." This elicited another blush from his father.
"But why don't you want a horn, Daddy?" asked Pumpkin, her lower lip quivering. "Don't you like being a unicorn?"
Carrot cringed. He could see the desperation forming in his daughter's eyes.
"Yes, sweetie! Of course I like being a unicorn!" said Carrot Cake, and his voice began to quiver. "I-It's just that, well, Daddy likes playing special games with Mommy... and some of those g-games need for Daddy to be, um, missing his horn."
"Oh, like wrestling!" said Pound, standing on two legs and flexing his arms.
"Yes! Yes. Something very much like that," said Carrot. "And we also keep a couple of Daddy's old horns in Mommy's, um... toy chest."
"Old horns?" said Pumpkin, with a gasp. "Do horns fall off?" The filly quickly grabbed at her horn with both forehooves, as though it were about to do just that.
Carrot sighed. "Not exactly, dear," he said, gently petting Pumpkin's mane. "Before Mommy started filing down Daddy's horn, Mommy, um... Mommy cut off Daddy's horn a couple of times."
"Is Mommy going to cut off my horn?!" whined Pumpkin, grasping her horn even tighter.
Carrot shook his head. "No, of course not! Mommy only cut off Daddy's horn because that's what Daddy deser—I mean, what Daddy wanted her to do."
"Oh! Oh! Can we see your old horns Daddy?" said a wide-eyed Pound Cake.
"Huh. Well, sure, I don't see why not," said Carrot.
Pumpkin raised a hoof. "Oh! And can we play with them?"
Carrot coughed abruptly. "That might be a bad idea, honey. Daddy's old horns get kind of... dirty."
"So how come you don't wash—" said Pound, before his father cut him off.
"Okay, I'll ask your mother," said Carrot. "If she says no, it's only because she doesn't want you getting messy. But you can definitely see them, at least."
"I wonder what Mommy will say," said Pumpkin.
Carrot Cake rolled his eyes. "She'll probably say yes, and then make me watch you play with them," he mumbled under his breath.
"Huh?" said Pound.
"N-nothing," said Carrot.
Pumpkin beamed. "I bet Daddy's horns look just like mine," she said.
"Oh, they do," said Carrot, with a gentle and genuine smile.
"I can't believe Daddy got two and a half horns! Wow. You're really horny, Daddy," said Pound.
"You have no idea," said Carrot, nervously adjusting the waistband of his sweatpants.
"Ooh! Pound! We can put one on your head and you can be a princess!" Pumpkin said to her brother, clopping her hooves together.
"I dunno... maybe," said Pound, eyeing his sister suspiciously. Then he turned back to Carrot. "You still gotta answer my question. How come I'm different?"
Carrot Cake sighed. "I'll explain, but follow me upstairs, kids," he said.
The two foals hurriedly romped up the steps and into their room faster than Carrot could keep up. He walked into the twins' room, shut the door, then placed the cat-shaped beanie strip across the bottom of the door as a noise blocker.
"Daddy, do you have wings too?" asked Pound Cake, sitting next to Pumpkin on her bed.
"Yeah, are you a secret princess?!" added Pumpkin Cake, her eyes wide.
Carrot chuckled. "Not exactly," he said. "You see, Mommy and I have a special... relationship with our close friend Nightjar."
"Oh. Like, he gets discounts on cupcakes?" asked Pumpkin.
"Um... something like that, heh," said Carrot Cake, barely holding back a laugh at the accidental pun. "I mean Nightjar is a part of our family. Let me try to explain. You see kids, sometimes, a mare and a stallion love each other very much," said Carrot.
"Like you and Mommy," said Pound.
"Exactly. And sometimes the mare and the stallion can love other ponies, too."
"Like Nightjar?" asked Pumpkin. "Do you and Mommy love Nightjar?"
"Essentially, yes. Now, sometimes the Daddy enjoys it when Mommy is mean to him—but just for pretend, though," said Carrot.
"Oh, 'magination games," said Pound.
"Adults don't play those kinda games," said Pumpkin, rolling her eyes.
"Oh, but we do, Pumpkin! And we have a lot of fun doing it," said Carrot. "Anyway, sometimes another pony gets involved, and, um..."
Both foals watched Carrot with wide-eyed wonder.
Carrot Cake cleared his throat. "Right. So, um... has Miss Cheerilee ever talked about how babies are made?"
"Not yet, we're too young," said Pumpkin Cake.
"Zipporwhill thinks it has somethin' to do with playin' leapfrog," said Pound Cake.
A piercing shriek was barely audible from within the room.
"Is that Mommy? Is Mommy okay?" asked Pumpkin.
"Um, yes, I'm sure she's fine. It's like she's on a rollercoaster, she's just playing a fun game with Nightjar. But it's only for adults, okay?" said Carrot.
"Okay," said both foals in unison, looking rather dejected.
"Anyway, I was explaining something. You see, when adults play leapfrog, sometimes the stallion can put magic seed into the mare that can turn into a baby," said Carrot, staring wistfully into the space above his foals' heads. His eyes derped while focusing into infinity. "And then, sometimes the other stallion takes the baby seed out and spits it into the first stallion's face. And then sometimes he puts his own seed into the mare, but some of the first stallion's seed is still inside the mare too, and eleven months later you have two babies with different..."
Carrot Cake suddenly realized where he was and looked down into the horrified faces of his foals.
"Daddy, that's real gross and weird," said Pumpkin Cake. Pound merely nodded with a grimace on his muzzle.
"Oh! Oh geez, I got lost in the moment. Look, d-don't ever tell Mommy I said any of that," said Carrot, sweating profusely. "The point is that you should think of Nightjar as another Daddy in our family."
Both foals looked confused, and then Pumpkin's eyes lit up. "Whoa! Is that why Pound is a pegasus and he looks just like Nightjar?"
"Wait. You mean Nightjar's like, my second Daddy?" gasped Pound. "Daddy, is that for real?"
Carrot Cake nodded and smiled. "Yes, that's right. You're related to Nightjar, Pound, just like Pumpkin is related to me," he said. "It's actually amazing that you're twins, because two babies at the same time with different Daddies is almost impossible, but that's what happened. You two are our special little miracle."
"But you're still my Daddy," said Pound, pouting a little.
"Of course I am, Pound," said Carrot, and he pulled his son into a hug. "I love you, and I'm the one who raises you and takes care of you, so I'm your Daddy more than Nightjar is... in most ways. You're just related to him genetically."
"Ohmygosh. Pound! Daddy! Does it mean Zipporwhill's our sister!?" said Pumpkin Cake, practically vibrating in place on her bed.
"It does!" said Carrot Cake, with a grin. "Actually, Zipporwhill and Pumpkin are Pound's half-sisters. Technically, Pound is your half-brother, Pumpkin."
"That is so cool! I love Zipporwhill!" said Pound. "I get another sister and she's cool!"
"So is Zipporwhill my quarter-sister?" asked Pumpkin, furrowing her little brow. "Cheerilee just told us about fractions this week."
"Not quite," said Carrot Cake. "Pound is related to both of you, but you and Zippor aren't related to each other. Still, you can think of her as your sister. She's your sister through Pound, in a way."
"Does Zippor know she's our sister?" asked Pound.
"I think she does, yes. But I'll need to ask Nightjar to make sure. Now this is all secret stuff, kids," said Carrot. "She's your secret sister, because we don't want anypony to talk about our special families behind our backs. Maybe someday we can be open about it, but that will be entirely up to your mother."
A loud knock sounded on the door. Carrot opened it to find Cup and Nightjar standing there, wearing matching robes. Nightjar stepped inside the room while Cup remained on the threshold.
"Daddy! Daddy!" both foals celebrated, swarming Nightjar's legs.
Nightjar chuckled. "I see they have learned something new," he said.
"Dear, how much did you tell them...?" asked Cup Cake.
"Pretty much everything. I hope Zippor knows, because I don't think they can keep it a secret from her."
"Is okay," whispered Nightjar. Then, with both foals clinging to his forelegs, Nightjar lunged his head forward and kissed Carrot Cake deep in the mouth. Carrot looked totally shocked, but kept his lips open wide and didn't budge an inch.
Nightjar broke the kiss. "There. It is how your wife tastes," he said.
"Nightjar! Not in front of the kids!" hissed Cup Cake.
"Husband should have put them to bed," he said, shrugging. Cup Cake then scowled at her husband.
Carrot gasped. "What? But, this isn't my f-fault..." he started, then blushed again. "Right."
"Oh! Mommy, can we play with Daddy's horns?" asked Pound Cake. "I mean Carrot Daddy."
"You can call him Beta Daddy," said Nightjar, smirking.
"Well, Mommy was just playing with them a moment ago," she said, narrowing her eyes evilly at her husband. "But after I clean them up, you may... as long as Carrot watches you the whole time."
"Oh geez..." said Carrot Cake.
"Daddy can we talk more about Zipporwhill and Nightjar and stuff?" asked Pumpkin Cake, as Nightjar and Cup Cake trotted out of the room.
"Yes, but you'll both need to wait here for a few minutes first."
"Aw," said Pound Cake. "How come?"
Carrot grinned sheepishly, and his cheeks lit up like fire. "Beta Daddy really needs to change his sweatpants."
