Derpy and the Subway Station
Ghastly Spirits from the Netherworld
It was a common day in Ponyville. Everything was perfectly normal, like every other normal day... except that, today, Princess Celestia had inaugurated the Ponyville Subway Station, to make it easier for all ponies to travel around the city. Everypony was quite happy about that, and they all wanted to try it out and see what it's like. That included Derpy Hooves, of course. She was always excited about trying out new things.
It was the perfect moment to do that when Twilight came up to her.
"Hey there, Derpy.", said Twilight.
"Hey, Twilight!", said Derpy.
"You're not busy, right?"
"Nope."
"Okay, then could you help me with something at the other side of town?"
"... that's pretty far away."
"That's why we're using the subway, silly."
"Really?! Oh boy, I always wanted to use the subway!"
"It opened today..."
"Oh yeah. I forgot."
"... well, can you come with me?"
"Of course!"
At the station, Twilight giggled as she watched a bright-eyed Derpy look everywhere, constantly whoa-ing at everything. It was quite rare to see somepony as happy as her. Maybe it wasn't so bad to be... ahem... retarded, as some might call it. Twilight preferred the term "mentally awkward". You can't just go ahead and say somepony like Derpy is retarded. That's just wrong and harmful.
"Haha!", said Derpy. "Why are you staring at me like that, Twilight?"
"Oh, sorry.", said Twilight. "I was just thinking... didn't see where I was looking."
"What were you thinking of?"
"Doesn't matter."
Twilight then proceeded to buy two tickets, and gave one to Derpy.
"Here's your ticket.", said Twi.
"What's it for?"
"You must have it if you want to get in the train."
"Why?"
"Because! Look, there is the train."
Derpy whoa-ed even louder when she saw the giant metal snake come out of the tunnel. She had seen trains before, but not as sophisticated. Ponyville was really changing with the modern times. She didn't know why Twilight was waving at her so desperately though.
"Derpy, come in already!", yelled Twilight, catching Derpy's attention.
At the train, Derpy happily looked at everything, like a foal in a candy store. Everything was so different from what she had already seen, it was almost unreal. Twilight giggled again as Derpy did a small hop of joy. As Twilight looked around, she saw that almost all of the other ponies were happy to see such a childish little mare. Not all of them, though... some jerks that looked around 15 were staring at her in a mocking way. Derpy didn't seem to care though, so it was okay.
As the train started running, Derpy fell back to her seat in surprise. Twilight giggled again.
"I can't wait to see how this works!", said Derpy, before the scariest voice that had ever passed through her ears could be heard:
CURRENT STOP: PONYVILLE CENTRAL
NEXT STOP: GLORIAL PLAZA
"... what was that?", asked Derpy, scared like a kitty.
"What?", asked Twilight.
"That voice..."
"Don't worry, Derpy. It's just the narrator."
"No, not that voice. What's up with that Gory Plaza?"
"Glorial Plaza. It's our next stop."
"... okay."
Twilight looked at those jerks again. They were laughing a little more than usual, and that sure didn't mean anything good. Derpy still didn't see them, so it was okay.
The Otherside station would take an awful lot of time to arrive at. Twilight looked around to see if there was anypony she knew in the train. She didn't succeed, but there was an interesting-looking red colt in the corner, with glasses, long and shaggy white mane, and the coolest goatee. His cutie mark was a chainsaw, and the vulture by his side looked like his pet.
"Hello?", said Twilight, as she walked up to him.
"Hello.", said the colt, revealing a calm, shallow voice.
"I'm Twilight Sparkle, from Canterlot. You are?"
"Birdie Killer."
"... interesting name... is that why your cutie mark is..."
"Oh, no. It's a long story."
"I've got time."
"You don't want to know."
"Then, why do I look interested?"
"I slaughtered my girlfriend after we broke up. Happy now?"
"... certainly..."
Meanwhile, Derpy shivered on her seat. That voice couldn't get out of her head, no matter how hard she tried. The voice sounded like a ghost, it sounded dead. She had never seen that kind of thing before. Just as she was about to calm down, the voice came back:
CURRENT STOP: GLORIAL PLAZA
NEXT STOP: CASPER GRAVEYARD
Derpy's eyes were open wide in fear. First the Gory Plaza, and now the graveyard. It seemed more like a suicide trip than a generic ride. Twilight saw that, and came up to Derpy to see what was up with her.
"Derpy, are you okay?", asked Twilight.
"... yeah, Twi.", said Derpy. "I'm alright."
Derpy didn't want Twilight to think she was a crybaby. "Mentally-awkward" and "disoriented" were more than enough adjectives, and there were some stupid teens laughing at her from the other side.
"Well...", said Twilight. "... if anything bothers you, I'm right there with that bearded colt. Okay?"
"Okay.", said Derpy, with that creepy voice in her head.
"Where were we?", asked Twilight, walking back to Birdie Killer.
"We were somewhere?", replied Birdie.
"Well, yeah, you were talking about your pet."
"Oh, right. I found him at the park, with a broken wing. I took him home and fed him rotten meat. Now he's perfectly healthy, and he sings like no other bird does."
"Do vultures even sing?"
"Don't believe me, huh? Show her, Vull."
The vulture breathed in and sang the most beautiful melody ever heard by pony ears.
CURRENT STOP: CASPER GRAVEYARD
NEXT STOP: EVERFREE PATH
Derpy was curled up like a ball on her seat. The only thing she could feel at that time was complete fear. She kept wondering if she was the only one that could hear that voice, as nopony else seemed to notice it. Their faces had changed, but maybe it was because the cute kiddie-like mare that happily hopped into the train was now holding back her scared tears, wings up in the air, ready to take off as soon as the threat revealed itself.
Or maybe it was because of that beautiful melody. Both were equally attention-worthy.
And those stupid punks wouldn't shut the hell up!
"Is there anything wrong with your friend over there?", asked Birdie Killer, witnessing the whole thing.
"Who, Derpy?", said Twilight, turning to see her friend in such an awkward situation. "Dear Celestia! I'll be right back, Birdie!"
"Derpy, what are you doing?", asked Twilight, not understanding what was going on.
"Twilight!", said Derpy. "Thank goodness you're still here! I need your help! Can you hear the voice?"
"What voice?"
"Isn't it obvious? I think it really stands out among the other noises here!"
"... I don't know what you're talking about. Everything seems perfectly normal. I've already been in subway stations before in other cities, and this one doesn't seem any different."
"... okay then... go back to your friend, I'll figure this out myself."
"Alright."
CURRENT STOP: EVERFREE PATH
NEXT STOP: FLAMINGO ROAD
Derpy giggled nervously at the slight bit of humor contained in the word "flamingo". She then remembered that funny names would often mean huge trouble, and regained her immense fear. Those punks were getting on her nerves. Like, REAL bad. Who did they think they were to laugh at somepony that's clearly a syndrome victim? She felt like doing horrible things to them, before remembering that they were just a bunch of stupid teens with an awful sense of humor. Many ponies are like that nowadays, laughing at the most horrifying things. Derpy wished she had fingers, so she could give the middle one to those darn punks.
And what about the horrible voice? As if the laughter wasn't enough, she was going to meet her doom in a couple minutes! Flamingo Road? What the buck did that mean? Was it like the Rainbow Factory, which she thought was the name for some gay pop-rock band? Now that she knew what it meant, the band would sound more like black metal or some other creepy music genre. But that wasn't something she could think about. What would the next station call itself? The Almighty Fires of Hell? She didn't exactly know what to do or what to think about in a deadly situation like this one, so she would just reflect about the first thing that came to her mind. Like how the word "flamingo" sounded mortally funny.
"I'm starting to hate those teens at the other side.", said Birdie Killer, as the punks kept mocking Derpy's way of moving.
"I don't think Derpy minds them.", said Twilight. "She sure seems strange, though... she talked about some voice she was hearing."
"So she hears voices too?"
CURRENT STOP: FLAMINGO ROAD
NEXT STOP: MIGHTY FIRE AVENUE
"There. All done. We're all gonna die.", thought Derpy. She couldn't believe it... was this really going to be her last moment in life? She was such a young pony, and had just become an adult. How would Dinky Doo feel about this? Poor kid... maybe she would want revenge against all subway stations and become Batfilly, protector of innocent subway riders. Then she would make Derpy proud... even though Derpy would be dead at that time.
This whole situation reminded her of that stupid movie she watched with Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie the other day. What was it called? "Final Trucidation"? Her memory would often fail her at desperate times like this. There was that scene where the last remaining characters were at a subway train, MUCH similar to the one she was in, and then the train crashed and killed everyone. Derpy shivered just as she thought about her bones breaking and her muscles being crushed into piles of bloody flesh. "Brr!", she thought. "Let's think about something else, shall we?"
And those stupid punks... Derpy couldn't disguise her fear anymore. She put her head in her hooves as she started crying, catching Twilight's attention.
"Derpy, what happened?!", asked Twilight, running up to the desperate pegasus.
"We're gonna die!", said Derpy. "That's what happened! And there's nothing we can do about it!"
"What the hell are you talking about?! The more strangely you act, the more those punks will keep laughing at you!"
"To heck with those punks, they're gonna die too! And boy, am I glad!"
Twilight, still not knowing what was going on, wrapped her arm around Derpy's shoulder to try and comfort her.
"It's alright, okay?", said Twi. "It's just your mind tricking you. I promise I'll never take you to the subway again."
"I don't think there will be an 'again', Twilight..."
"Okay, okay, calm down. We're almost there."
"What's going on?", said Birdie Killer, walking up to the two mares.
"I think Derpy's afraid of the subway.", said Twilight.
"Oh, I completely understand that, Derpy. Tell you what, I'm scared of heights. Thank God I'm not a pegasus."
"You don't understand.", said Derpy. "And it will be too late when you guys figure it out."
Birdie and Twilight made confused looks.
CURRENT STOP: MIGHTY FIRE AVENUE
FINAL STOP: OTHERSIDE STATION
Derpy managed to stop crying, as she accepted her unfair destiny. She felt sorry for Twilight, and for all of her friends in Ponyville, for they would have to face their friend's terrible fate. She felt sorry for the other ponies at the train, who had nothing to do with this. Nopony had anything to do with this, actually. Derpy didn't feel sorry for those stupid punks, though. They could go straight to hell, for all she cared. Their laughing was so irritating, though. All the other ponies seemed to agree, until the one with the cool goatee decided to take an attitude.
"Alright, what the fuck are you guys laughing at?", yelled Birdie, managing to stop their laughter.
The teens didn't say a word, as Birdie looked really menacing. The whole train turned silent as well.
"Can't you see that this is NOT the time for laughing?! This poor mare is scared as hell about something that I do not know what is. But it sounds damn serious! What if you guys were the ones crying in fear? Would you feel anything but hatred if some retard started laughing at your misery?! I pity you guys with no fucking sense of humor. If I show you guys an aborted fetus, you'll be rolling on the floor soon after! I really hope you guys realize your stupidity before you die because of it! That is all!"
Derpy smiled widely as everypony on the train applauded Birdie's speech. The teens were too embarrassed to do or say anything. Twilight smiled at Birdie when she saw Derpy look happy again. Unfortunately, Derpy soon reminded herself of that voice. Then it hit her: FINAL STOP? How the hell could that NOT mean certain death? Derpy couldn't help but wonder how Twilight would look like as a pile of crushed bones and flesh. Poor Princess Celestia! She made such an effort to bring the modern times to Ponyville, and then some evil spirit comes and kills everypony in the third ride! And to top it all off, TWILIGHT's in this ride! Of all ponies, Celestia's successor is the one who'll get killed along with all the other passengers! Oh, the horror! THE HORROR! But there was no use in whining and panicking. Derpy would receive her fate with dignity. "Come at me, spirit of hell!", she thought. "I am ready to face my death!"
The teens weren't laughing now, huh? Birdie showed 'em good. Now all that was left was eternal peace in heaven... she hoped. Do syndrome victims go to hell?
"Derpy, what the hell is up with you?!", Twilight said as she pulled Derpy out of the train, which had arrived at the station.
"What? What happened?", said Derpy. "Why does heaven look so... bland?"
"What are you talking about?!", said Twilight. "We're not dead!"
"We're not?!"
"Did you really think we were going to die?", asked Birdie, who was on Twilight's side.
Derpy looked at the train. Not a single scratch could be seen, and everypony had left.
"... well, yeah."
"Haha! Of course not!"
"Look, Derpy.", said Twilight. "Whatever you thought our death would be, it didn't happen. If you're afraid of anything, just admit it! If you don't, everypony will think there is nothing wrong, and they will leave you alone with your scary thoughts. Me and Birdie only came up to you because we saw you crying, and there's always a reason for that. Just promise you won't omit your feelings again, okay?"
"... okay. Thank you, Twilight. Thank you, Birdie!"
Derpy hugged both ponies with all of her friendly love. It felt so good to have somepony by her side, not caring much about her special conditions.
"Haha, alright.", said Birdie, releasing himself of Derpy's hug. "I should be going now."
"Wait!", said Twilight, as she gave Birdie a piece of paper. "Here's my number. Call me sometime!"
"Sure."
"Thank you for teaching those punks a lesson!", said Derpy.
"It was my pleasure!"
A couple hours later, Twilight and Derpy came back to the station, as Twilight had done everything she had to do. Both mares were talking and laughing about all kinds of stuff, like the best of friends.
"Do you think that Final Destination movie you watched with Rainbow and Pinkie was what caused that whole incident?", said Twilight.
"Maybe. Are you sure you didn't hear any voices coming from nowhere every once in a while?"
"I swear I didn't hear anything unusual."
"Didn't you hear a voice saying 'next stop, Casper graveyard', or something?"
"Nope."
"Then how did you know when we had arrived at this station?"
"I followed the map, like everypony else... where do you wanna go with this?"
"There's a map?"
"Of course! Maybe you were too scared to notice it."
"Wait. Are you telling me you didn't hear ANY voices coming from nowhere? Like, maybe from the train speakers?"
"Nope."
"It sounded like an adult mare, but with some ghastly effect behind it."
"Nothing at all."
"... interesting."
"Look, there is the train. Let's go back to the central station."
"Um... I think we should go by walking."
"What? It's too far away!"
"Walking's good for your legs, Twilight! Besides, you promised that we would never ride the subway again."
