Boink, Ding, Splut and PFFFBBFFT
Scientific Progress Goes -- Oh Book!
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“Are you kidding me?” Demanded Sunset Shimmer. Her mane was waving with unspent power, her aura flickering angrily. “Why can’t I continue studying today?”
“Because it is your off day, Sunset Shimmer,” said Celestia. “You need to go out, relax, try to have some fun and make friends.”
“Believe me, I don’t need friends,” scoffed Sunset as she turned to go. “But if it makes you happy, I’ll go. But don’t expect me back till tomorrow!”
The palace doors slammed, and Celestia sighed deeply. Sometimes, her student was too much to handle, even for her.
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Sunset stormed down the palace gardens, looking for a place to sulk. No she wasn’t mad at Celestia, not at ALL! The way ponies gave her a wide berth was always a reminder that she didn’t do friends, as much as Celestia wanted her to.
Grumpily, she stormed into the park. Ugh, thought Sunset as she gazed around the crowded area. Ponies.
Ever the people person, Sunset slipped behind the trees, and headed for a small spot where she knew she could be alone. In her bags rested a book which Sunset intended to read, alone and out of the way. She would -- run right into a cardboard box.
“What the hay is this?” snapped Sunset, levitating the box in order to throw it away. But from inside, a voice cried out.
“Oh no, Captain Smartypants! We’re being attacked! Quick, switch to the cutie rays, pew pew!” A small filly stuck her head out from the top of the box, accompanied by a ragged toy. “Look, we’ve got a pirate on our tail, whoosh! Man the oars, we need to run!”
“What are you doing?” asked Sunset, lowering the box, bewildered by the filly’s imagination. “You’re not moving anywhere.”
“That’s what you think!” Retorted the filly, puffing herself up. “This is the Time Machine, S. S. Starstriker! And I am First Mate Twilight! And this is Captain Smartypants!”
Oh joy, it was a filly. Just what Sunset needed. With a snort of disgust, she sat down next to the box and said, “There’s nothing here. Just a empty box, you, and that doll.”
“Don’t you know anything bout the scientific progress?” demanded Twilight.
Sunset looked at her, eyebrow raised. “You mean scientific process.”
“Nope, scientific progress goes boink, everypony knows that! Look!” Tipping the box over, Twilight went to scribble something with sharpie on the side. A crude circular button, a arrow and a word that read “Press” on the side in crude blocky Equestrian. “See? Boink! Boink!” Exclaimed Twilight, pressing the button.
Sunset sighed. “Scientific progress doesn’t go boink it goes more like… ding.”
“Ding? Oh you mean my time machien then.” said Twilight, mispronouncing machine.
“Time machines aren’t real,” said Sunset, scoffing. “Time travel is real, but not Time Machines!”
“Is so! Shiny took me to a play, and a pony from the Classical Age showed up! He was all grr and thou and hark!” Exclaimed Twilight, making random poses.
Sunset almost laughed. Almost. She was desperately trying to hold it back, her foul mood dissipating at this fillys ignorance, er, she meant childlike wonder. “Okay, then what about if I teach you the Time Travel spell?”
“Naw, Mr. Smartypants knows that already.” said Twilight.
Mr. Smartypants fell over.
Twilight gasped loudly. “Nooo! It’s the Daleks, they’re after us!”
“What?” demanded Sunset, as Twilight tried to push her into the box.
“Get in the box, get in the box! They’re coming! Avast Mr. Smartypants we need tactical assistance! Quick get into the Delorean!”
Sunset blinked and then proclaimed, “Oh no! Getting… too heavy! Must have been hit by sleeping ray…!” And she started lowering onto her back, as Twilight tried to push her up.
“Nooooo! Mr. Smartypants, code mention alfalfa zero niner!” and Twilight, abandoning trying to push Sunset into the box, rolled the box over her. “We’re safe here for now, but we won’t be for long,” stage-whispered Twilight. “We need the book cannons!”
“The book cannons?” Asked Sunset. “I mean, uh, zzzz!”
“No! Arm the book cannons, avast ye swabs, shiver my tinder and explode the boink! The S S Scientific Progress must be free!”
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Sunset walked into the castle, looking both tired but royally satisfied as she paused at the sight of Cadance. “Oh, hey.”
“You look relaxed,” said Cadance, observing Sunset. “And worn out.”
“Eh, just sort of indulged this weird little filly in the park today.” said Sunset. “No big.”
“That’s awfully generous of you.” said Cadance, smiling a little.
Sunset snorted as she brushed past Cadance. “Don’t bet on it, pinkie, that was a one time thing.”
Cadance grinned when Sunset was out of sight. It was really too bad, Sunset seemed to have enjoyed herself.
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Later in the week, Sunset grumbled once more as she was summarily ejected from the palace, on the grounds that Celestia needed time to prepare her lessons for the next few days, and was too busy. So she had given Sunset a day off, something that Sunset hated so much.
“Stupid old nag,” grumbled Sunset as she trotted towards the park, her pack full of books. “Go study in the fresh air she said. Pah.”
Finding the grove again was easy. However, Sunset let out a tight sigh as that filly was there once more, this time wearing a dish rag as a cape and oversized glasses. The filly was squinting at the writing she had added to the side of the box. “What are you doing?” asked Sunset.
“Shhhhh,” said Twilight, the filly holding up a hoof to shush Sunset. “It’s the scientific progressiveness again.”
“You mean progress.” Settling down and taking out a book, Sunset was determined to ignore the filly this time, but the filly proclaimed, “AH HA! I know what it is now!”
“What is it now?” demanded Sunset.
“Scientific Progressiveness doesn’t go boink! Or ding! It goes splut!”
“Splut.” deadpanned Sunset.
“Splut.” said Twilight as she adjusted those big horn rims that she might have found on some old mare twenty times her age. “Splut, splut, splut! It’s fun to say isn’t it?”
“And what does splut do?” asked Sunset, her attention successfully diverted from her book.
“Scientific Progressiveness goes splut… as it duplicates ponies!” Exclaimed Twilight as she crawled under the box. “Press the button, Sunset!”
“Fine.” Sunset walked over and jabbed the box. “SPLUT!” Exclaimed Twilight from under it as she stuck her head out.
“Look I’ve been duplicated!” And Mr. Smartypants was wearing a similar cape and a pair of broken horn rims as well. “That’s right,” the “duplicate” Twilight said, Twilight wiggling the doll. “We’re two people!”
“Oh well, then I guess you won’t need me then,” said Sunset as she prepared to go back to her books.
“Nope! We need you! You have books!” Exclaimed Twilight. “And the more reading we do, the smarterer we become!”
“These are super advanced books, you couldn’t possibly read them all in one sitting,” said Sunset. She wanted to see her books?
“Nuh uh! Mom and dad took me to an asesterment and they said I was really advanced! I can read big words now.” Protested Twilight.
“Can you? Okay.” Opening one of her magic textbooks, Sunset laid it out for Twilight to see. “Can you read the first line here?”
Twilight peered at the book, and adjusted her oversized glasses. “Um… the...tha… thauma…. Taragarable…”
“See?” said Sunset, smirking. “You can’t.”
“Yes I can!” Twilight sounded out the word, and said, “Thaumatigical!”
“Wow, I’m actually impressed,” said Sunset, honestly surprised as Twilight slowly read out the rest of the sentence. “Okay, okay, that’s good enough.”
“So magic is books?” said Twilight.
“Sure, magic is books. Just like how scientific progress goes splut.” said Sunset, and Twilight giggled. “So, what sound do books make?”
“Books? Like a whoosh,” said Twilight. “Book, book, book, it’s a fun word isn’t it?”
“So Magic is books and books go whoosh,” said Sunset. “Maybe that’s how you learn how to be smart.”
“What does smart sound like?”
“Um…” Sunset blew a raspberry. “Like that. Pbbffft.”
“Ooooooh,” said Twilight. “So if I get super PBBBT, then I will become smart, like books that go whoosh, right?”
“Probably. But you have to be really pbbbffftdtt before you can become a super student.”
Twilight nodded, a big grin on her face. “I’ll do it! I’ll become pbbffffffft! And then I’ll marry you!”
“Why?” asked Sunset, bewildered.
“Because we’ll be best and pfffffht together and make things go splut!” Exclaimed Twilight and Sunset laughed.
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“Where’d you get those?” asked Cadance that evening, as Sunset returned wearing a small dish cloth as a cape, and oversized broken glasses.
“I made scientific progression happen. It goes splut, don’t you know.” replied Sunset.
“Uh huh,” said Cadance, a small smile appearing on her face. “And how are things with the self study?”
“I dunno,” replied Sunset with a smirk. “I was too busy teaching a filly how to be pffffhtttt. Night, pinkie.”
Cadance’s smile grew even bigger as Sunset went to bed, exhausted from her playtime with Twilight.
=====
Weeks passed, and a lone filly was pouring over the advanced magic textbook that her friend gave her. She was so cool, she understood everything! As the door rang, words were exchanged as Cadance walked in. “Evening Twiley,” said Cadance. “Oh, what’s your book tonight?”
“Advanced Thaumagical Formulas,” replied Twilight. Looking up, she said, “My friend gave it to me. But I haven’t seen her in a while.”
“Oh?” Wait, that book looked familiar. A sinking feeling plummeted into Cadance’s stomach as she realized who Twilight’s friend was.
“Yeah. She’s tall and she shines like the sun. When I grow up, I’m gonna marry her! Then we’ll make the scientific progressiveness go pbbffffht!” Said Twilight with a big wide grin on her face.
“All right. Until then, let’s continue your lessons, okay?” How to tell Twilight that Sunset had been expelled, and fled through a magic portal never to be seen again?
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Many years later, as Twilight sat in a coffee shop waiting for Sunset to arrive, she was fidgeting. While she was cleaning out her old things, she had discovered the book that was given to her a long time ago, and the memories were coming back.
“Sorry I’m late,” said Sunset, sliding into the booth. “I had a busy day.”
“It’s okay, Sunset,” said Twilight with a smile. “I just… wanted to talk. About us.”
“Us?” asked Sunset.
“Yeah. When I was little, I met someone. And well…” Twilight looked up, and then suddenly, blew a raspberry. “That’s the sound that…”
“That smart makes,” said Sunset, her eyes growing wide. “Twilight, you’re…!”
“That’s right. Remember what I said to you?”
“That… you’ll marry me,” said Sunset softly. “It was a long time ago, almost too long. I had forgotten and you didn’t even have your cutie mark yet. I thought you were a dumb filly who was just playing, but we had fun as friends.”
“Sunset.” Reaching over, she took her friend’s hand. “You were my first friend, other than Mr. Smartypants. You changed my life. And for that, I’m forever grateful.”
“I just can’t believe, the innocent filly would grow up to be such a beautiful princess.” said Sunset, squeezing Twilight’s hand. “And my friend... “ And she laughed weakly. “And you want to marry me. I know it’s legal back in Equestria, and now here too I just… I love it here. And I don’t want you torn between two worlds.”
“That’s fine,” said Twilight with a smile. “You’re in my heart, now. And I want you to have this.”
Pushing over the textbook, Sunset opened it up. Inside was a small golden ring, and a child hoof-written note. “Scientific Progress goes Boink,” said Sunset, reading it out loud. “But also splut and ding. But the heart goes ba-bump when I’m with you.”
“Sunset Shimmer, will you be my wife?” asked Twilight, holding up the ring.
“Yes. I will.” With tears in her eyes, Sunset placed the ring on as she embraced Twilight. “I’ll wait for you, I’ll come visit any time until I’m done school. By the way, only you would make a nerdy proposal.”
“That’s something I still have to study for,” said Twilight with a nervous laugh. “Can I come over to your place? There’s a book I want to finish with you.”
“I’d like that.” As Sunset leaned in for a nuzzle, Twilight nuzzled back as their lips gently met. “You’re the best, Twilight.”
“I got smart, like I promised.” said Twilight with a giggle.
“Don’t you mean pffht?” said Sunset, sticking out her tongue.
“Pffffht.”
“Pfffth!”
“PFFFFFFFFT!”
“Oh no, getting heavy, hit with sleep spell!”
“Ah, no, not here! You’re too heavy!”
“No, getting woozy!”
“Nooo! Batten down the hatches Mr. Smartypants!”
The pair looked up at the barista who was giving them a odd look and Sunset and Twilight blushed. Sunset stood up and kissed Twilight on the cheek. “To be continued.”
Author's Note
Published 5/26/2017
Timeline Placement: Season 7, Movie Magic
