"Thorax is pregnant."

by Dr Atlas

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Random, Thorax, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2300

Twilight just might not find reason with that statement...

Spike tells Twilight the news about Thorax's current condition.

She finds it baffling.

Published 2017-06-07 19:30:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-06-07 19:30:06 UTC

Ice Cream

Twilight wasn’t sure how she could process the statement she just heard, it was as if the gears in her mind went off track for a few brief moments before slowly turning again, trying to make sense on what her assistant just said. “He’s what?” Was all she could utter.

With a sheepish grin, Spike nodded. "Uh...yup. Pregnant, that's, um, what the changelings told me."

Twilight was still having a hard time believing this. "Thorax...pregnant?"

"That's all they said when I asked why they had a cart full of food on them: They were taking it straight to their ruler...Felt like they were in a hurry too."

Twilight sat down on the library floor and rubbed her temples. "S-So let me get this straight, they came here, to Ponyville, in the middle of the day, to get food for Thorax...because he's pregnant?"

Spike nodded. "Makes sense to me."

Twilight repeated the statement in her head. "Spike, do you know how insane that is? For Thorax to be pregnant?"

Knowing nothing about the laws of nature, Spike titled his head in confusion. "What's so insane about it?"

Twilight raised on of her hooves up. "First off, he's male...I know that seahorses are on the same level, b-but that doesn't mean he should be too."

"What about seahorses?"

Twilight lit up her horn and brought a book up to them. "They're one of the very few types of animals that have the opposite se- er, gender have babies, it says so right here!"

Spike squinted his eyes at the cover. "'The Many Laws of Nature'." He then went deadpan. "Wow, what a name. Was 'The Rules of Animals' already taken?"

Twilight ignored his sass and opened the book, flipping through the pages. "Spike, changelings may have many different habits and practices we have, but only a queen can get pregnant, not their king...in fact, the king is the one that...uh...t-that...” Twilight started trailing off, realizing Spike knew only so much about this subject.

"That what?” Spike asked, Twilight instantly regretting explaining this.

She lit up her horn and flung the book away from them. “Oh...u-uh, well, Spike, just like us, only a mare can have a baby. You remember what I told you about Flurry, right?”

“You just told me to not think so hard about it, but what does that have to do with changelings?”

“I’m saying that, like them, only a female can carry an offspring.”

Spike crossed his arms, wanting an explanation. "Then explain to me how mares get pregnant and not male changelings?"

Realizing she just dug this hole herself, Twilight blushed and tried to think of something on the spot. ""U-Uh, w-well, you see, Spike...um...t-their's a time when...uh, a-a mare...and a stallion...uh." She looked down at him, seeing his curious expression. "Uh...t-they, you know..."

"What?" Spike said, coming closer. "What do they do?"

Twilight stepped back. "T-They...uh..."

*KNOCK KNOCK*

Twilight and Spike turned to the door, Twilight feeling a wave a relief wash over here. "Oh, thank Celestia for convenient interruptions." She quickly trotted to the door, leaving Spike still questioning this. “Coming!”

"Wait, Twili-"

"I'll tell you when you're older." She blurted out, reaching for the knob.

Spike raised one claw in the air. "But-"

"WHEN YOU'RE OLDER!" Twilight yelled, turning the knob and throwing the door open. "Hello, how can...I...heheeah...help?" Twilight then took several steps back. "W-What the..."

There, standing in the doorway, was Thorax, but not the one Twilight had seen last week. He was much larger, his transparent belly so large that it was on the floor, even his legs could barely support him, and his facial expression said nothing but a mixture of both exhaustion and anger. Before Twilight or Spike could speak, the bloated creature said in a stern tone, “Where’s your food.”

Twilight kept her distance while Spike stood his ground. "F-Food?" Twilight said, still shocked to see Thorax like this.

“Yes! Food!” He yelled, making Twilight and Spike flinch. “You know, that stuff you ponies eat to survive! Where’s that cold storage box of yours?”

Still in shock, Twilight asked, "Uh...w-what kind of food?"

“Ice cream…” Thorax hissed. “It’s the ONE THING they didn’t bring me, and now I’m gonna have to get it myself!” He made his first move inside, dragging his stomach along the ground with every step.

Twilight watched in both horror and fascination. "Um, Thorax?”

"NO!" He snapped. "No time to explain, I need directions...please.” He started tearing up. “I-I don’t know how much longer I can suffer this ETERNAL STRUGGLE!” He yelled.

Twilight blinked, never hearing this kind of attitude from him. “I take it that your, uh, big belly is your struggle?”

“A-Are you calling me fat!” Thorax yelled before frowning. “Cause I am really sensitive about my weight right now, and the last thing I need is a mare to tell me what I CAN AND CAN’T DO!!!”

Twilight put on a scared expression while Spike held her wing. “I was just asking why you...uh, why its, uh, w-why you’re-”

“Didn’t ANY of the changelings tell you?” Thorax said. “I’m filled to the brim with eggs, and I got an appetite that these babies need. Right. Now!” He stepped closer, his shadow looming over them. “So where’s the kitchen!?”

“Y-You...you really are...” Twilight looked at Spike, who looked up at her with an expression that said-

“Told ya so.” Spike said, crossing his arms.

Twilight looked back at Thorax. “B-But how!? H-How can-”

“How about I explain it in a little language I call Equestrian, or maybe Diamond Dog’s more your vocabulary.” He cleared his throat and pointed to the open door. “Take me-o to el kitchen-o over there-o amigo! Andale, ANDALE!”

Twilight stepped forward. “Thorax, you need to tell me-”

“NO!” He yelled, making her step back. “You need to tell me where that kitchen is, or I swear, I’m gonna rip those wings off, and shove them right-”

“Down the hall to the left!” Spike blurted out, standing in between him and Twilight.

Thorax narrowed his eyes and backed away, turned around, and lugged him and his egg filled body to the kitchen. Twilight and Spiked looked at one another before looking back at him. Spike asked the obvious. “Should we...uh, follow him, or-”

“T-This can’t be right.” Twilight said, trotting after him with Spike behind. They continued following him until he made it to the kitchen. He walked in while they stood by the doorway.

Thorax dragged his stomach across the tiled floor and gripped onto the counter tops, sliding along them before he made it to the fridge, which he flung open and skimmed through. “Come on now...” He hissed.

Twilight had to ask. "Uh, Thorax, I have some questions.”

“If it involves anything about my eggs, my mood, or why I’m here, then I’m sure you already know the answer.” He said, sitting down and rummaging through the ice box.

“But how?” Twilight said. “Don’t you need, like, someone else to...uh, make the eggs grow?”

Thorax craned his neck toward them and pointed at a jar of pickles, several other items of food already on his back. “You don’t need these, right?”

Twilight didn’t want this subject to change. “Thorax. Why are you pregnant? How are you pregnant? And when did you get-”

“Okay! You wanna know so badly, FINE!” Thorax dropped the food on the floor and slammed the fridge shut, falling on his back in the process, he strained to get back up, but gave up and sighed. “Can you just...come closer? It was a pain to get here, you know.”

Twilight and Spike walked up to him and sat down, Twilight lifting a hoof towards him. “You, uh, need a hoof.”

He held up his own hoof to her face. “I’m fine, just let me...find my calm place for a second...I’ve been having some really intense mood swings lately, and the changelings weren’t kidding when they talked about this.”

“Talked about what?” Spike asked.

Thorax covered his eyes with his front legs. “What do you think? They talked about THIS!” He flung his arms at his stomach, managing to sit up straight while doing so. “You would not believe the reaction I had when this happened.”

Twilight held up her hooves. “Calm down, Thorax, just tell us what’s going on, okay?

Thorax took a deep breath, knowing this would take some talking. “It was a little after we went back home. I was having some really weird stomach pains, and when I asked the caretakers what was wrong...they just...laid it onto me...”

“That you were pregnant?” Spike said.

Thorax nodded. “And when I asked how, they said it was because I was the ruler, and when I asked why, they, again, said I was the ruler, and when I asked how long, they said five months...and that’s just the first batch...”

“You’ll have more too?” Twilight said.

Another nod came from him. “Yes, at least they said it’s not painful, more like a...uh...a...” He trailed off, knowing the subject was touchy. “Well, I-I’m sure you have a book or something to tell you, right Sparkle?”

Twilight looked away while Spike tilted his head, still having no idea what he was talking about. “That book didn’t say anything about kings being pregnant.”

“Did it say rulers or just queens, cause the changelings were very descriptive on why I, a male, am going to now have two-hundred and forty five more children.”

Spike’s eyes widened. “That many eggs.”

“A rough estimate.” Thorax clarified. “And they have needs...many needs...mainly in the food area.”

Twilight was starting to put the pieces together. “So the eggs need nutrients from food and not love?”

“The caretakers said that the love from me is enough, but they needed more substance for them to grow, and they have a lot of different appetites, But right now, they want ice cream, that and pickles, a-and maybe some spicy food on the side to be safe." After a quick grunt, he managed to get back up on all fours and open the fridge, grabbing almost everything from it.

“They need that much...” Twilight asked, utterly stunned by how much he was taking.

“Well, everything except ice cream, since it’s the ONE THING those bugs didn’t get me from the list I gave them! Do you know how long I was waiting for them to bring it back?” He shook the jar of pickles. “Ten minutes! That’s almost six hours for these eggs to get their food, and the LAST thing I want is an egg kicking me in the stomach at three in the morning because I didn’t eat right!”

Knowing that it was her food, Twilight reached for the jars of pickles. “Thorax, maybe you should-”

Thorax slammed the jar on the floor and swatted her hoof away, hissing loudly as small stacks of food fell of him. Twilight and Spike jumped back while Thorax started panting and holding his head, having some flashbacks. “Ugh...s-sorry about that. Those hormones really make ya go nuts after not having any of that ice cream I keep telling MY SUBJECTS TO GET!” He shot his eyes in a random direction, hoping the changelings were hearing this.

Twilight lit up her horn and brought the pickle jar back to it’s original state, along with the food. “Listen, Thorax, they’re trying to help. I’m sure if you just have some more patience, they’ll help you, okay?”

He sighed, feeling very tired from all of this. “Alright, I’ll wait for them. I’ll stay calm and patient next time.” He craned his head to the fridge. “And, uh, thanks for the food, it really helps.” He smiled for a second before lowering his head. “Now, please, if you would...get the F:rainbowderp:K out of my way and let me get to my f:pinkiegasp:ing subjects and tell them to get the F:twilightangry2:ING ICE CREAM!”

Twilight and Spike’s eyes widened as he started walking closer. “I mean, how many times do I gotta f:raritydespair:ing write ice cream on the motherf:twilightoops:ing list before those bugs get their s:pinkiesick:t in gear, and bring in the F:applejackunsure:ING ICE CREAM!?” His face was inches away from theirs at this point, his plastered with anger while theirs were full of fear. “Maybe I should grab a knife, and edged it in all your motherf:pinkiecrazy:ing foreheads! HOW HARD CAN IT F:fluttershyouch:ING BE!? ICE! MOTHERF:fluttershbad:ING! CREAM! ” He pulled away and trotted off to the doorway, making his way back outside. “I guess that’s the price a king pays for ruling over COMPLETE F:facehoof:ING MORONS!”

A door slam was heard a few moments later, leaving Twilight and Spike to themselves, utterly stunned after being subjected to that. “What happened to courtesy?” Spike asked. “Did it just...disappear?”

After recollecting herself after that experience, Twilight faced Spike. “So that’s what they deal with? Even Cadence wasn’t this...verbal when she was having a baby.”

Spike scratched his neck. “Well, uh...the changelings did say he's been acting a little mean to others-"

"'A little'?" Twilight repeated.

"Okay, maybe they said he was really cranky...but to them it's normal." He shrugged. “Maybe changelings have it worse, I mean, they've been with their queen for a while. They probably got used to it."

"Used to that cluster of words spouting out every time he's hungry?"

“I wouldn’t be surprised.” Spike said. “I mean, if he’s like this, Chrysalis might’ve been on a whole ‘nother level.”

Twilight couldn’t even imagine Chrysalis being in this state. “Those poor, poor bugs...” She said, walking back into the hall.

Spike nodded and followed. “Anyway, now that that’s out of the way, can you tell me how they-”

“I said: ‘when you’re older.”

“But-”

“WHEN! YOU’RE! OLDER!”

Author's Note

What the f:eeyup:k is wrong with me...