Regrets

by The Bricklayer

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Drama, Starlight Glimmer, Sunburst
Length: 2913

Starlight Glimmer has regrets. Inner demons, they can get to everypony.

Starlight Glimmer has regrets. Ghosts of her past continue to haunt her. But is there really such a thing?

Heavily inspired by "Starlight's Worst Fear" by Art Inspired so credit where credit is due.

Takes place in the Reassurances 'Verse right before "A Royal Problem".

Published 2017-06-13 17:10:05 UTC
Last updated 2017-06-13 17:10:05 UTC

Ghosts

Author's Note

Well, here we go... First time I've done a HEAVY rewrite of one of my older stories, one that was so bad it had to be deleted out of shame because I broke one of my own rules and wrote a mouthpiece fic by pure accident and anyone who knows me, knows how much I despise those with a passion. Anyways, if you think I did it again here, please let me know.
...As for Sunburst's and Starlight's relationship, friends or maybe more? Once again, I leave that up to you. (Also, if anyone can point me to the original artist for the cover art, please do so as I'd love to give credit.

Ghosts

“ We all have a past, Watson. Ghosts. They are the shadows that define our every sunny day.” -Sherlock Holmes, The Abominable Bride

Starlight sighed to herself as she observed her bedroom, and gazed sadly upon a picture of herself and Sunburst smiling as they ate at a diner. She remembered that day and gave out a faint ghost of a smile. Sunburst had suggested she try the Crystal Empire’s famed Crystal Berry pies, part of a way of rekindling the relationship they had long since lost. She smiled softly in remembrance as she flashed back.

Crystal Empire:

“Sunburst… please tell me I didn't just hear you saying something completely different than what I thought you said.”

Starlight gasped in pure outright disbelief at Sunburst’s comment of how there was a very good possibility that Starswirl the Bearded may have become a crackpot just from his task of training the two Royal Sisters in their magical abilities. After, creating a spell, even if he never finished it, that allowed practically just anypony to become an Alicorn would probably be considered crazy in anypony’s book. She was even more amused at the fact that SUNBURST of all ponies, somepony who by all rights should look up to Starswirl, considered him a possible crackpot. Starlight’s old friend had even referred to him as such, using that exact term, word for word.

“Sunburst, are you actually saying, and I quote directly in your own words: “Starswirl may have been a crackpot, even if he was a genius.” Are you seriously actually saying that, given that… Y’know, he’s one of your idols and all?” Starlight remarked after she’d regained the function of speech.

“...Well, I-I suppose I might be being a bit verbose there, so perhaps the term nitwit might be better.” Sunburst remarked after eating a slice of his Berry Pie. Starlight spat out her drink all over Sunburst’s spectacles, unable to believe a word she was hearing. Here was a very promising magician, despite all that he said about himself, practically insulting one of the greatest mages to ever live!

“You do realize what you're saying might be considered blasphemy in certain circles right?” Starlight deadpanned as she took a slice of the Berry Pie. Sunburst meanwhile took off his glasses and rubbed away at them calmly as if nothing had ever happened and the two were having a perfectly normal train of conversation. At first, Starlight had been reluctant to even try the pie, but Sunburst had reassured her that the berries themselves weren't actually crystal. Somepony had just added that to the name to spice it up a little.

“W-Wait, you're saying there are actually cults devoted to Starswirl?” Sunburst swallowed nervously, nearly choking on his slice in shock.

“Wouldn't surprise me in the least. After all, Nightmare Moon has cults devoted to her.” Starlight replied.

“Yes, but she was a tyrannical nut job formed out of a mix of dark magic and jealousy.” Sunburst pointed out.

“Point still stands. She was a powerful magic user, so she must have cults devoted to her right?” Starlight commented. Sunburst raised an eyebrow.

“By that logic, you yourself must have cults devoted to you right?” Sunburst inquired.

“...Yeah, pretty sure I started my own cult.” Starlight grumbled to herself once more leaving an awkward silence filling the air. Sunburst laughed nervously, realizing he may have stuck his hoof in it.

“...So, flugelhorns? Are they outdated and idiotic or not?” He asked nervously, desperately reaching for a subject change. He sighed to himself when Starlight got up and walked off, head hung low. He called after her.

“W-What did I do?” He yelled and sworn he could have heard Starlight sniffle to herself. “Did I say something wrong?”

Then he remembered Starlight’s past and what exactly she had confessed to. With a groan, he slammed his head face first into his pie, smothering his muzzle in it and muttered “...Now I'm the nitwit.”

Starlight sighed again and brushed her mane out of her face. Did she really deserve that relationship or any of the relationships she’d formed?

She could list them all, each and every one of them off the top of her head. She mulled over them in her head, listing them off in no real order of importance. Firstly, there were the ponies back in the town she’d founded. Then there was a few more. Applejack, Sunburst, Trixie, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Thor-”No, King Thorax. Gonna have to start getting used to that.” Starlight mentally reminded herself. She had to admit, she was proud of him. After all, it wasn't just anyone who could dethrone a tyrant and lead a while race a bright shining new era. Thorax had definitely grown. A lot more than she had anyways… Next, she could think of Rainbow, Discord; “Okay, maybe not him. Not exactly sure if I consider myself friends with him or not.” Starlight thought as she continued to get to the bottom of the list. There was Fluttershy and lastly… (Starlight let out a sigh of sadness when she got to this one.) Twilight Sparkle. Her personal teacher and friend.

“Don't know if I even deserve either of those honors, not after what I've pulled,” Starlight mused to herself as she put some toothpaste on her brush. “After all, let’s recap. What have I done so far? Oh right, make an entire town into my personal slave force, took away everything that made them individual. Then when Twilight and her merry band of friends stopped me what did I do? Oh right, I pretty much stalked her at every turn and then when I got the chance, stole a spellbook and changed history so that Twilight and her friends never even met! It only took, what, me seeing Equestria turned into an apocalyptic wasteland for me to finally see sense! Yeah, and what was the reason for my little tantrum? Oh right, because I thought Sunburst ran off on me when I was a filly!”

Starlight sighed to herself as she ran a brush through her mane. “Twilight herself, an Alicorn says I'm one of the most powerful magicians in ages, and what do I do with that power? Oh right, use and abuse it at every chance I freaking get! I got off scot free when Twilight took me in when by all rights I should be thrown in the deepest dungeon Celestia can find or turned to stone so that I can never hurt anypony again.”

Starlight sucked in a breath.

“Welp, time to start the day…” She muttered to herself.

Starlight went about her day as normal, heading out to the marketplace for her daily shopping. To be honest, she probably should have been thinking about getting her own place sometime soon, but for some reason, she just didn't feel… Ready.

If she did that, that would pretty much finalize the fact that she had graduated from Twilight’s teachings, but inwardly Starlight didn't think she had.

As she purchased some grapes from a plum pegasus with an orange mane, Starlight as she walked away from the stall distinctly swear she could have heard the mare muttered “Tyrant… Why Twilight took her on as a student is beyond me.”

Starlight hung her head and sighed as she placed the grapes in her saddlebags. Honestly, that mare was probably right. As she walked back to Twilight’s castle she passed by Flitter and her sister Cloudchaser who gave Starlight a very wide berth.

Various ponies whispered about Starlight as she passed them on by, and they and Starlight both knew she could hear them perfectly.

“Madmare.”

“Should be shot.”

“Give her a ride on Spitfire’s Dizzitron, somepony should. Without wings, the landing will probably hurt reaaaaal bad.”

“Celestia above, what were the Elements thinking when they befriended her?”

“Remember when Discord opened up that portal to another dimension at the Grand Galloping Gala a few years back? Maybe Starlight should travel back in time and ask for Discord to throw her in. That way we’d all be rid of her for good.”

Starlight’s eyes widened when she heard that last voice, she knew it all too well. “I… I can't believe it! Even Trixie, my supposed best friend thinks I'm a danger to everypony around me!”

The wandering magician’s words cut like a knife into her skin. Starlight’s eyes began to water as she broke off into a gallop and ran towards the Friendship Castle.

Starlight didn't open her eyes or slow herself until she was in the main meeting room of the Friendship Castle. Each of the Elements was there. Twilight sat in her chair, forelegs folded and wearing a rather displeased expression on her face.

“Starlight, we need to talk.”

Rainbow sat back in her chair placing her back legs on the Cutie Map and forelegs behind her head in a relaxed posture. Twilight gave her a glare but was ignored entirely and Rainbow simply rolled her eyes before turning to look at Starlight.

“Eh… we've been doing some thinking and well… Oh, what’s the best way to put this?” She said and seemingly searched for the most delicate way to phrase her next sentence.

Rarity picked up where Rainbow left off.

“What Rainbow means to say, but can't work up the courage to put into words is… You're dangerous darling. Simply far too dangerous to live and let be,”

Pinkie and Applejack nodded in agreement as Rarity continued.

“...Without some measure of restraint of course dear. You understand.”

“Well, we've been hearing the talk about you by some of the townsfolks, and we got to thinking maybe they have a point,” Applejack remarked, at least having the dignity to hide her guilty face with her hat out of shame. “For the record Sugarcube, Ah’m sorry it had to be this way.”

Fluttershy seemed to be the only one truly on Starlight’s side.

“G-Girls,” She nervously stuttered out. “Is all this really necessary? I mean, look at Discord! He’s fully reformed!”

Twilight raised an eyebrow.

“Funny, not the way I remember it. Don't you remember him selling all of Equestria out to Tirek and helping him steal everypony’s magic?” Twilight posed.

“And yet you got this cool castle out of the bargain!” Pinkie piped up. Twilight glared venomously at her.

“AFTER Tirek blew up my old home!” She reminded.

“And yet he helped save us all from Queen Chrysalis after she captured everypony.” Fluttershy defended.

“Actually I think he was only in it to save you, dear. Doubt he really cared for the rest of us.” Rarity mused aloud.

“We're getting off topic here girls,” Twilight reminded. “This is about Starlight, not Discord. We can table him for another date.”

“Why not just take away her magic?” Rainbow wondered.

“Even as an Earth Pony she’d still be dangerous. Who knows what kind of nasty concoctions she could cook up? Don't need a horn for all types of magic, you know. Loco in the Coco, if you're asking me.” Pinkie remarked, twirling a hoof in a circular motion in the classic “She’s crazy” gesture. Everypony nodded at Pinkie’s point. Starlight gaped in complete and utter shock unable to form words.

“And I thought they were all my friends…” She thought, her lip quivering.

“Well… only one thing to do then…” Twilight muttered darkly. Her horn glowed and Starlight found herself freezing up as she began to away in fear. She couldn't believe this! Her supposed friends, turning on her right and left! Then, Starlight found herself unable to move one of her hooves. She looked and saw it had been turned to solid stone. Then, the granite-like substance began to creep and crawl all over her body at an unnatural rate of speed. Starlight wanted to scream out in terror but found she couldn't as her vocal chords had already been turned to solid marble. Her last thought before she was solid stone forevermore was “Why?”

Twilight found herself unable to look at the expression of fear and betrayal on Starlight’s face and asked herself “Did we really do the right thing?”

Next thing Starlight knew, cold water hit her face and she looked up to see Sunburst standing over her.

“Are… Are you alright? Found you unconscious at the bottom of the steps. Twilight asked for me as she knew you hadn't been sleeping well, so she thought I could come up with a remedy.”

“So that’s all it was… just a dream,” Starlight thought in relief. “It never happened.”

“A-Are you okay? You don't look well,” Sunburst said as Starlight slowly picked herself off the floor. “You have a nasty bump on your head. Maybe I should get you to a hospital or something. You might have a concussion.”

“No… No, I'll be alright. I just need some air.” Starlight lied.

Starlight didn't know how far she ran, but she found herself at the edge of a lake, the water softly lapping away with the green grass tickling her hooves. Starlight sighed again as she looked at her reflection in the glass like lake. In it, she didn't see herself, but the former Queen Chrysalis who laughed at her.

“They’re right you know. Dream or no dream, you really are just like me. A tyrannical madmare.” She seemed to mock.

Starlight staggered back in shock and disgust before throwing a rock in the water to disrupt its surface and wash the reflection away.

“I'm not a monster! I'm not!” Starlight shouted before asking in a soft whisper “Am I?”

“Just needed some air huh?” Sunburst’s wry voice said from behind her, having seen the whole thing for himself. “Didn't look that way to me.”

“Alright, you caught me… Happy now?” Starlight snapped. Sunburst shook his head as he trotted up beside her and sat down.

“Tell me, what’s really going on?” He asked softly.

“I've been doing some thinking. Quite a bit of it actually,” Starlight began. “Thinking about who I am… and what I used to be. A tyrant.”

“But you're not one now are you?” Sunburst asked.

“BUT I COULD BE!” Starlight shouted and Sunburst flinched from the sheer volume of her shout. Starlight felt a wave of guilt wash over her like a tidal wave.

“I'm… I'm sorry. Twilight’s right, I haven't been sleeping well. I've been having a recurring nightmare. Details are always different, but the basics are always the same,” Starlight explained. “Ponies always believe I'll slip back into my old ways. The last one was the worst yet.”

“How so?” Sunburst pressed, very concerned for his oldest friend. And so Starlight explained, right down to the very last detail and how real it had felt.

“Go on, tell me that Dream-Trixie and Dream-Twilight are right! Go on, betray me too! Tell me I'm nothing more than a mad tyrant who uses and abuses her power but gets off scot-free every single time!” Starlight sobbed, letting the tears flow as she buried her face in her hooves. Suddenly she felt a warm presence snuggle up next to her and Starlight lifted her face from her hooves. There was Sunburst, foreleg wrapped and stretched around her shoulders in a comforting manner.

“That will NEVER happen. You've repented time and time again. You saved Equestria for crying out loud!” Sunburst reassured. “The fact that you feel guilty, beating yourself up about it, that alone reassures me. Sociopaths, they don't feel emotion like you do. Now I'm not a therapist, but I think it’s safe to say that you’ve changed for the better.”

Starlight smiled as she felt Sunburst’s warmth.

“W-We should do this more often,” Starlight replied, feeling safe and secure in herself for the first time in a very long while. At Sunburst’s expression and red face, she covered her mouth with a hoof to hide the giggles. “Not cuddle I mean, but just spend more time together.”

“I seem to remember you used to like to fly kites.” Sunburst mused aloud and Starlight smiled. He did remember. Just then her Cutie Mark glowed and flashed. Her eyes widened as she knew what this meant. Sunburst smiled.

“Go for it.” He said.

“B-But what about Twilight? What if she’s calling me to…?” Starlight swallowed, unable to finish the sentence.

“I know Twilight. If she had thought you were a danger, she would have stopped you long ago. That’s the difference between the real world and that dream of yours. One’s fantasy… the other, reality.” Sunburst laughed and Starlight laughed along with him. Yeah, everything was going to be alright.

As she ran off, Starlight turned to look back at her old friend.

“And for the record, Flugelhorns ARE outdated and idiotic.”

Yep, definitely alright.

THE END.