Chapter 2: Last Push.

"I've done many things in the last ten years," Soarin said from his seat watching the ground and his hooves while he fiddled with his thumbs. "I'm a Captain of the Scaled Units. I hunt down scu--those depraved enough to believe the caribou were on the right and wish to emulate their ways. I am loyal to the Princesses and to the Equis Alliance. I will gladly give my life to protect my home from anything and anyone wanting to hurt it," Soarin went silent for several seconds.

"But before that, I was a Commander in the army Spike took to Hraljord to deal our justice upon the caribou. I was the leader of the Blood Hunters charged with the task to find any caribou scouts and follow them to one of their hidden villages, camps, or whatever. I had a lot of fun those days," Soarin smiled. "When I have trouble falling asleep, I remember the screams and close my eyes to see myself there as thousands of caribou die under our rage," his wings flapped involuntarily.

"Before that, we were forced to fight the caribou in our own homeland under the ever watchful eye of Dainn and that wicked barrier until Spike destroyed it. I and my Blood Hunters were the right hands of Spike: charged and tasked with the most dangerous missions the rebel alliance could come up with. We never once said no, never backed down, never failed. Our proudest moment was when Spike asked us, on his knees, to lead the operation to rescue Princess Celestia and Princess Luna right from under Dainn's stinking muzzle. I have no doubt he himself would've lead that mission if he wasn't so tempted to fight Dainn there and then."

Soarin let out a heavy sigh, his fiddling fingers stopped and his arms started to tremble a little. "Before Spike burned the tainted Ponyville to the ground. Before I struck at Cloudsdale following his plan. Before we left Ponyville under his orders. Before showing our true intentions, we were Spike's personal bodyguards: The Shadow Hunters. Loyal dogs of 'Marshall' Spike that did his bidding and followed him blindly," Soarin chuckled. "Well, that part about following him blindly is true. My brothers and I never once questioned his motives or ideas. He knew the caribou and Dainn better than any of us, and he had the trust and permission to act however he saw fit. He was getting shit done in the caribou's eyes, but in reality, everything he did was but another gear to bring the caribou down. So everything he asked us to do, we did. Even if at one point we had to follow him into Solitude itself to fight a real, living Windigo. I... we lost good friends there."

Soarin's arms trembling increased. "I remember the first day I met him during the 'Guys Night' Big Mac's group of Fakers in Ponyville had every two or so weeks. I knew of him, the best female trainer in Equestria. Who didn't? He had the reputation of being capable of training into proper pets and break any but the most stubborn and violent of black collar females. I was also aware he knew of me... and the things I did to my old female teammates, those that weren't Corrupted or Enslaved by the caribou's Sickness and switched, and most importantly, Rainbow Dash," Soarin sighed almost choking on it. "I saw the hate he had for me in his eyes. I saw the utter repugnance and the want to rip me to shreds for everything I did up until that point. But then, when he came close to me, the hate vanished and I saw sympathy and pity. "You're among friends, Soarin." He said to me."

Soarin gritted his teeth and took a shaky hold of his knees. "Before the fall I was the Second in Command of the Wonderbolts, right after Spitfire. I was happy with my position and my life! But the caribou had to come and fuck everyTHING AND EVERYONE UP! I was Corrupted by those motherfucking assholes, brainwashed into believing they were like gods and were the wisest beings on the planet. I believed practically everything they said and I did my best to do everything they did. I raped, beat, and tortured my former teammates almost daily. Their pain and suffering was funny to me. Why wouldn't it be? They were just lowly, stupid, worthless, females," he said spitting venom with each word. "I killed some of them with my bare hands while 'playing' with them! Traverse, Wing Sharper, Thunder Strike, Cloud Walker... I killed them and all I did was laugh, complain how weak and useless they were, and then tossed them into the Dumpster. I never found their remains."

Soarin shaking stopped. "It's been eight years since the Fall ended and the Rise began. And ever since I broke free from their corruption, I have found no peace with myself. Food has no taste. Alcohol does nothing to me. Salt is useless. There are nights in which I don't sleep for fear of waking up in that shithole again. Whenever I'm alone I can see their faces staring at me, accusing me of being so weak, for all the pain I caused when I was a Corrupted. I often wake up at night... sick, and sweating, and crying."

"I know what I did. I know I was mind-controlled by the caribou. I understand it was their doing that led me to do every bad thing I did during those two horrible years. But I can't forgive myself. How could I possibly forgive myself for all that? I have to take regular special potions made by zebra shamans just to stay under control and have a clear head so I don't end up hurting myself... again." Soarin let out a remorseful sigh.

"I can barely look at a female without wanting to beat myself to death. Whenever I touch one... I... I want to cut my hand off. More than once I've caught myself entertaining the thought of ripping my penis and testicles, just so I don't have to see them again. Creslin once told me she could switch me if being a male was so repugnant to me, but I refused. I don't deserve to be a female. I don't even deserve death," a hand landed on his shoulder but Soarin didn't look up to see to who it belonged. "Spitfire, Fleetfoot, Rainbow Dash, Solar Flare, Hurricane Stream, Nebula Crescent, my friends and comrades to whom I caused so much pain forgave me. The females I had as my pets, whom I raped, tortured, and beat daily, forgave me. I guess... I guess that's what hurts the most. To know I don't have their strength."

Soarin looked up to see about twenty faces staring at him, all sitting in a circle of chairs. He looked to his right and saw Shining Armor smiling and nodding softly at him. He looked around the rest of those males and females hearing to him; ponies, zebras, a diamond dog bitch, two cervids, a male changeling, two griffon hens and a griffon rooster, and mareling looking at him with sympathy and more than half with tears in their eyes. All of them wearing casual clothes with the exception of a unicorn mare wearing a Followers of the Grace of the Dragon's robe sitting almost directly in front of him.

"A good friend of mine has been trying to get me to come here for years, but I never listened until now. My name is Soarin... and I need help."

End.

Author's Note

Special thanks to anyone that read this!