Why do you have to do this to me...
Author's Note
Welcome to my little cringe fest from hell itself. Sponsored by your one and only satan.
Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this. And, if you're wondering, I did ask the permission of my editor, The Crystal King, to be in this story. Thanks to him.
Note: I Recommend you read this in "Ultra Dark".
Why do you have to do this to me...
Ponyville today was pretty normal. A few ponies were bustling around, minding their own business. The glorious sun was setting, and the blackish purple darkness was setting in.
In Sugarcube Corner, our heroine Pinkie Pie was behind the counter, ready to take any order.
The shop was not full today, in fact, only a few customers were in the store at this hour.
Pinkie Pie was... well... bored. She had nothing to do all day, except for a random customer that came by to order something or to ask why the cupcakes had salt on it.
Basically, Pinkie was lying on the counter, and her eyes and face were filled with so little emotion you'd swear a dead corpse would look more lively.
As she kept this fa-
"Hey, you!"
Huh?
"Yeah, you! The narrator!"
A- bububhubhubwha?! Waitwaitwaitwaitwait. Nonononono. This... can't be. P-pinkie! Y-you can't do that! I-I have to tell this story!
"Hello? Anypony there? I'm talking to you!" ...Pinkie sai-
"Anypony there? Hellooo?"
Oh for fuck's sake. She can't be breaking the 4th wall now!
"Helloooo? Anypony here?"
Pinkie. Calm. Down. And. Let. Me. Narrate.
Pinkie... shook her head in disagreement.
"Nah ah ah. You have to talk to me!" She... said.
*Bang made by the narrator*
After all this time, after all this time! You know I have to write, reread, edit, and post all of these bullshit stories! Hell, I have to get an editor to do some of my crap! (By the way props to The Crystal King) And yet you still have to interrupt me when I narrate! A story I had made that featured you?! You, you!
Pinkie... grinned at me.
*Sigh*
Pinkie, what do you want?
"*giggle* Oh, I just want to talk, Superintendent Mr. Sea Unicorn," she said to me.
Don't. Call. Me. That.
"*giggle* Oh, or should I say your name?"
No no no no no! Do not fucking say that shit.
*Grin*
I swear to God I will shove a bunch of pencils down your eyeholes.
*Bigger Grin*
Don't you fucking do it!
"Or should I say, #$%&*%?"
Ha! Bitch! I censored that shit right there! Oh, man, that was some good crap.
...
...
. . .
Well, this is awkward.
"Aw, come on, Martimoo, It's nothing that serious," she brought up out of nowhere.
...
...you know what? You're kinda right. Like, at least it wasn't my real real name, right?
"Oh, yeah. That even I don't know."
Heh, it's a good thing I censored that shit from the start.
"So, what do you want to talk about now?" She asked.
Well, I dunno. Maybe ask me some questions about how humanity sucks or if I should kill myself.
"*gasp* Why would you ever think that?" She asked me.
...because I hate my fucking life, isn't it obvious?
"No... I guess not," she said. She was still lying on the counter, by the way.
"Why do you hate your life, Martin?" She asked me.
Well, because there's no point to it all, really. Like, you can see it yourself. I publish or edit or write stories in like, days. It just shows that my life is... empty.
Pinkie... disagreed with me.
"Aw, cheer up, Martin!" She encouraged. I relaxed a bit.
...uh, thanks?
"No Problem," she said with enthusiasm.
Anyways, can we continue the story now?
She twirled her hair with her hoof.
"Uhh, what kind of story are you going to narrate anyways?" she asks me. It doesn't look like she can look at my Mac, but only at the sound of my voice or possibly the text file itself. Or, it's what I think...
Well... It's... hard to explain... really...
Pinkie is giving a gleeful look.
"Oh, okay," she said enthusiastically. She suddenly gave me a sultry look. "Ooh, Martin, getting naughty, huh?" Her voice was sassy.
I think I should not publish this weird ass clop fic...
"Aw, why not?" She asked me.
Because this is fucking retarded, that's why.
She paused for a moment before speaking.
"Oh, why the long face? Tell you what, let's get you editor in here to cheer you up!"
Pinkie. Please. Don't. He-
Hey, fams. I'm here.
Wh-what? Crystal, what the hell are you doing here?
Oh, I was just editing the 2nd chapter of that story of yours. Then Pinkie called me in. I was also checking out your other stupid crap.
Huh, okay then.
And hello to you too, Pinkie.
"Oh hiya, Crystal. You were gonna edit Martin's story, right?"
Crystal agreed with her.
Yepedy yepedy yep. Like I said. And dude, what the hell was that part of the chapter?
What part?
The part where the main character leaned on Luna?
What? I don't understand.
"I think he's trying to say why did you write that in," Pinkie offered.
Oh... It... was just a good gesture, that's all.
Then why the hell did it take you over 300 words to explain it, then?
Uh... Ummm... What are you doing Crystal?
Uh huh, dodging the question. Like you always do. Anyways, I was just going to edit your story, like I said.
Yeah, that's what I heard.
A profound silence found it's way between us, and Crystal broke it.
Anywho, I think there are some grammatical errors in the chapter.
Okay. So, did you edit them?
Nah, I didn't. I was just buying some Starbuc-
"Hello everypony! Hmm, are we breaking the fourth wall, Pinkie?"
"Yep, Twilight. And look! It's our author Martin and editor Crystal!"
Oh God no.
Oh FUCK!
"Hello, Martin, Crystal. I'm sorry, but did I hear profanity?"
FUCK! Crystal, we've just been royaly buttfucked. They are all infiltrating my narration!
Damn... they found a way into your story, dude.
I know! And I spent all this time writing, and doing stupid shi-
"Hey! No swearing!"
Alright. You know what? I promise not to fucking swear.
"Woah, this is pretty cool, guys."
R-rainbow? How the fu-
"Twilight, who ah' those two talking?"
"Yes dear, who are those two "gentlecolts" talking?"
"Pinkie, who are these two again?"
"That is Martin, and that's Crystal."
Oh shit, dude, how the hell...
They... started rambling about... oh who fucking cares.
Okay everyone, calm the fuck! I ironically said.
Everybody stopped talking and I continued.
As you can see, you all apparently found a way to break the fourth wall, and now you all found a way to ruin my cringey little story.
"Oh, I'm sorry about that."
Eh, it's nothing. I'm only here to edit stuff. Nothing that hard.
I ignored Crystal's comment, and I continued.
Anyways, if you could all go back to your normals selves and let me continue this story? Pretty please?
"Oh my gosh! Is that a human?"
Oh god dude, I'm so done.
Lyra... what do you want? I groan.
Her eyes instantly told us what she wanted.
"You."
Ooooookkkaay, I'm leaving now.
...you know what? Just do it.
Ok. Bye fam.
Bye, man. Until next time.
Crystal has left, and only I and the ponies remain.
"So... you're the only one left, huh?"
Yeah... I'm going to go leave now.
"No! Don't!"
...sorry Lyra, maybe in the next story when shit doesn't break.
Lyra looked a little sad, however, after some consideration, she agreed.
"Okay..."
Alright, goodbye motherfuckers!
"Bye, Martin!"
"B-bye!"
~~~~~
Finally, I finished that shitpost.
I can finally get my... peace.
Nope. You signed the contract that said, "You will give your soul to me, Lucifer, if I give you the "worst" story idea possible."
Oh yeah.
Good. Now, I'll just harvest your soul, okay?
Well, guys, I just sold my soul for a My Little Pony fan fiction. Happy?
~~~~~
