“Mmmmmm…Cheesy…” Pinkie moaned in delight as she took another big bite of the grilled cheese sandwich the pony named Cheese Sandwich had cooked up for her. It turns out fleeing from Butlers in the middle of the night on a pogo stick and then running through the abandoned mines, while really REALLY exciting, also made you really REALLY hungry.

As she ate, Pinkie took a better look around the super-secret-spy-base she was currently hiding in. Besides the glowing blue and purple crystals, most of the room was lined with a large number of shelves, labeled with brightly colored sticky notes that mentioned everything from streamers to flour to cookies to confetti to pineapples.

Pinkie didn’t know HOW he got pineapples, or cookies, or that picture of a slice of cake on the wall, so she made a mental sticky note to ask him about it later. She could always use more sweet treats for her next party at the village!

Speaking of parties, there was also a LOT of party supplies lying around the cave, including bunches of balloons, party horns, and a wide selection of rubber chickens.

There was even a door on the far wall that said ‘Caution: Super-Secret Construction Area. Hard Hats Required.’ Pinkie was SOOOOO tempted to see what was back there, but she had forgotten her hard hat back at the village.

Oh well.

That was ok, because Maud was right!

So far, it looks like Cheese Sandwich is the perfect pony to help me! Everything in here would be PERFECT for helping me create a party, and nothing says ‘LOOK! A DISTRACTION!’ like a GIANT PARTY! Nothing distracted ponies more than PARTIES! It might even be the greatest distraction in the history of distractions!

BRAAAAAAAA

Pinkie giggle-snorted as Cheese Sandwich reentered the room, carrying a trombone and smiling with more cheer than anypony else she had seen on the entire property. It was refreshing and made her all the more certain that Maud had found the perfect pony.

“Sooooo,” Cheese Sandwich said, tossing the trombone to the side so it landed perfectly on a nearby stack of streamers. “Maud said you needed my help. Something about an army, a distraction, Lady Obsidian being put in time-out, and something about rocks, thought I may have misheard that last part.” He smirked playfully as he raised an eyebrow and tried to place his head on his hoof, only to fall over as his elbow missed the table completely.

Pinkie giggle-snorted again. She liked this stallion so far. “Yeah, I need to make a distraction so my friends can come in. Once they’re here, my alicorn friend Twilight, who USED to be a unicorn until she found the Element of Magic, can judge Lady Obsidian! If she’s found to be guilty, it will turn her into an earth pony and take away all of her magic! And given how much of a meanie-pants she is, I think it will work!”

“I certainly hope so,” Cheese said, sitting back up and shaking his head to clear it, “Especially after what she did to you…oh. Ummm…” He balked, then looked away guiltily. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bring that up…”

“It’s ok,” Pinkie said, nodding. True, thinking about what had happened years ago did bother her a bit…ok, it bothered her IMMENSELY, but at the same time, it also served as her motivation to make sure she was successful.

And she didn’t mind that Cheese brought it up.

Though she did have one question…

“How did you know what happened to me? Did Maud tell you? Or is it because you’re a super-spy, sneaking into the enemy’s layer to find top-secret plans and recruit allies to your cause of JUSTICE! OHOHOH! Was I on the list of potential recruits? Was I?!” Pinkie asked, bouncing up and down in her seat excitedly. She really hoped she could learn more about Cheese Sandwich, and that the answer wasn't just ‘Yes, Maud told me.’

That would be SOOOOOO anti-climatic.

“Actually, I know about it because of my cutie mark,” Cheese said, pointing to the grilled cheese sandwich displayed on his flank.

“Huh?” Pinkie exclaimed, her eyes widening in confusion and excitement. She wasn’t expecting THAT as an answer! Was it story time?

“Oh, right, you probably don’t know. See, after that big Rainbow explosion—”

“Sonic Rainboom.”

“Yeah, that. Anyway, I was working in the fields when it went off, and when the shift ended, I saw you just…standing there. Your mane was all frizzy, and you had this almost magical glint in your eyes as you just stared up at the sky. You looked, well, really REALLY happy, probably the happiest I had ever seen anypony be in my entire life, so much so that I couldn’t help but smile when I saw you run off. In fact, I couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of that night and into the next day.”

As he spoke, Cheese had this adorable grin on his face as he stared dreamily up at the ceiling. He even had this small blush in his cheeks, probably from remembering how amazing the Rainboom had been.

Pinkie knew that feeling well.

“In fact, it wasn’t until three days later when I heard about what had happened to you, and when I saw what Lady Obsidian was doing to you out in the fields that…I became afraid again. Part of me wanted to go to you, to try and give you back the joy you had given me for those last few days, but…I was just too afraid. I still feel pretty bad about that, actually,” he said, looking away sadly.

“It’s ok,” Pinkie said, smiling sadly. “There was nothing you could have done, and knowing that I got someone else dragged into the same punishment as me would have hurt even more. Plus, you’re helping me now, and that’s all that matters.”

Cheese looked back at her, smiling a relieved smile before continuing. “It was hard to see you like that. But then I heard of your escape. Well…it’s more like my house was close to the old black powder store before it was blown up, and I could hear the explosion the second it happened. And then I could hear Lady Obsidian screaming at her Butlers for letting a pink pony escape. And seeing as you are the only pink pony on this positively pitiful property, I knew it was you.

“When I learned the details of your escape, it gave me hope again. It reignited that small spark of laughter you had given me, to the point where I had to run and run and run and RUN until I finally ended up in here without really knowing how. Then, despite being so out of breath I couldn't stand, I finally let the laughter out. I laughed and laughed until my sides hurt but I just couldn't stop.

“And I loved every second of it.” Cheese said excitedly, causing Pinkie’s own smile to widen and her heart to flutter.

My escape gave him back his happiness!? That wonderful! And he managed to hold onto that spark for all these years too!? I had no idea I had such an effect on some ponies!

"Once I was done laughing more than I ever had in my entire life, I came to the realization that I couldn’t just keep this happiness for myself. So, just like how you spread your happiness to me, I made it my goal to try and spread my happiness to everypony I could.

“To start my quest, I broke into Lady Obsidian’s kitchen and stole some cheese and bread. Then, using a fire down here in my newly dubbed ‘Cave of Laughitude—’” Pinkie giggled at the name, then full-out laughed as he leapt up onto the table and pointed to the entire cave dramatically!

Now THAT’S how you tell a story!

“—I created my first ever grilled-cheese sandwich, which I then gave to my mom as a birthday present.

“Seeing her smile so hard she was crying, seeing the joy it brought to my family and the way it made the world seem less grey, let me to realize that my one true purpose was to make other ponies smile, even if I had to do it from the shadows. I would be an agent of Laughter, bringing joy and giggles to ponies everywhere I was needed!” Cheese Sandwich exclaimed, leaping into the air, grabbing a bunch of streamers hanging from the ceiling, and using them to swing across the room.

“And that, Pinkie Pie, was the moment I discovered my true calling, and my cutie mark appeared! All because of you!”

“REALLY!?” Pinkie exclaimed, appearing directly next to Cheese Sandwich on the streamers, causing them to rip and send the two of them careening into the pile of rubber chickens with a loud series of squeaks.

“MES!” Cheese yelled excitedly as he popped out of the pile with one of the chickens stuck in his mouth.

“REALLY REALLY!?” Pinkie squealed, her head popping up with no less than four chickens tangled in her mane.

“ABSOLUTELY!” Cheese exclaimed as he spat out his chicken. “In fact, I was so grateful, I made you a surprise in case we should ever meet!”

“REALLY!? Wow, Maud really DID know the perfect pony to help me!” Pinkie cheered, exploding out of the pile and ponking all around the room.

I get a super-tactic party partner AND a gift!? What could be better?!

“You bet she did!” Cheese proclaimed, ponking after the pink mare. “But the gift is a surprise, so I need you to wear this while I go get it.” He pulled out a yellow bandana. Pinkie stopped midair, thought for a few seconds, then nodded and fell back to the ground, perfectly placed for Cheese to tie the cloth around her eyes.

“Now, no peeking…” he said playfully to the now-blinded Pinkie before she could hear him ponking away.

Oh this is so exciting! Almost as exciting as throwing a birthday party for twins! Or triplets! Especially with triplets, where you get to sing Happy Birthday THREE TIMES! All in one day! And you can make cakes three times as big, and have three times as many gifts to give! OOHHH! And one of their gifts could be a series of matching necklaces! With keys on the end!

And it would be even better if it was a SURPRISE PARTY! Just like how I’M about to get a surprise!

DANG IT, CHEESE, HURRY UP! I CAN’T TAKE THE SUSPENSE!!!!

There were a few loud bangs, something that sounded like a xylophone mixed with a mariachi band, and then a loud creak. “Ok, you can look now.”

Pinkie squealed, pulled off the blindfold, then felt her mouth drop open so far that her jaw hit the ground in complete defiance of physics.

There, right in front of her, was a cannon.

It had a light blue metal barrel, dark purple wheels with light pink rims around the outer edges encircling a six-petal yellow flower in each center, and a light pink cork in the back with a fuse ready to be lit.

But this wasn’t just any old cannon.

No.

This was HER cannon!

The Party Cannon: Mark II!

She had designed it the second she had finished building the original party cannon, but she had never had the time, nor the materials, to make it. And yet…It looked perfect, just as she had always imagined it…how she had dreamed about it every night save for Tuesdays when she dreamed of it being made of vegetarian tacos...

It…It couldn’t be…

“How…” Pinkie whispered. “She…She burned the plans…right in front of me…”

“Not…quite,” Cheese Sandwich said, nervously shifting from hoof to hoof next to the cannon. “She…actually thought they were a weapon plan, so she made a copy of them and stored them in her house. I sometimes sneak in there to get food for ponies who are sick or hungry, or to see if I can find more items to turn into party supplies. She left the plans for this out on accident one night shortly after you left…so I took them.

“She DID increase security after that, and I heard a rumor from one of her maids that she tore the inside of her house apart looking for them, but it was worth it. I only found out later that she was actually trying to turn your party cannon plans into WEAPON plans when I stumbled across three half-finished cannons. They had similar dimensions to your party cannon, but they were still missing far too many parts to be operable.

She’s still trying to recreate them, but I mess with her prototypes whenever I can. By stealing the plans, I stopped her from turning your greatest invention, meant to bring smiles to everypony in Equestria, into some barbaric weapon of war. And I refused to let that effort go to waste. I refused to let her violate your dreams like that.

He…he was protecting my dream, Pinkie thought, unable to stop the happy tears that began to form in her eyes. He risked everything, even his own smile-spreading campaign, all to protect my dreams.

I…I can’t even think of how to thank him. What kind of gift do you get someone who spent years protecting your dreams?

“I had to downsize a bit…I think…But it still works! It can fire cakes, streamers, party hats, everything you mentioned in the plans! I-I don’t know if I got the colors right, and there is this thing where the cannon appears to be made of rubber when firing, but it works fine, I promise…

“Do you like it…?”

He patted the cannon nervously, and the small ‘bong’ of hoof on metal finally jump-started Pinkie’s brain.

There was only one response she could think of.

“I…I…I I I I I I LOVE IT!!!!”

She tackled Cheese Sandwich faster then he could say ‘MEEP’ right back into the pile of rubber chickens. “THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!!!!”

“I-um-that-yourwelcomeI’mgladyoulikeitwowitsgettinghotinhereandI’mgettingwarmIshouldopenawindoworventyesavent!” Cheese quickly cheered. He dashed over to the side of the cave, Pinkie still clinging to his side, pushed a button, and cool air began to flow down from a large shaft in the ceiling.

Good thing too, because he was right, it WAS getting a little hot in the cave. Why else would her cheeks be so warm? Or her heart pumping so quickly and happily inside her chest? Or her mind filled with the urge to hug Cheesey and never ever EVER let go until the end of time itself?!

And it would be fine because we can then throw parties together and bake cakes and sandwiches and he’s so soft and…and why is my face getting warmer? Why can’t I let go of him? Why is HIS face all red now too!? Andandanda—

Wait! I still have to test the cannon!

Bodily dragging Cheese over to the cannon, Pinkie gave the fuse a solid PULL! The cannon scrunched up, then exploded with a loud SQUEEEEE, sending a tablecloth, a few balloons, and a batch of cupcakes flying at the table.

The tablecloth easily slid into place, never disrupting the plate with the half-eaten cheese sandwich or the glass of milk nearby. The balloons tied themselves around the corners of the table, and the cupcakes landed in the middle of the table, perfectly spaced on a brand-new pink plate. One cupcake landed in the center of Pinkie’s plate and another fell onto the other side of the table, right where Cheese had been sitting before his dramatic posing.

“It works perfectly!” Pinkie cried excitedly, her smile so big it made her cheeks hurt. She didn’t care! This. Was. AWESOME!!! She squeezed Cheese Sandwich in as great a hug as she could, making his eyes bug out for a second or so before she lessened her grip. “You’re the best, Cheese!”

“Thanks,” he said, chuckling and returning her hug with just as much gusto. “I’m so glad you like it!” His face bore a smile as large as hers and Pinkie could feel him bouncing slightly in her grip. His cheeks were turning red again.

Her face was feeling hot again too. Boy, why was it still so hot in here? she thought. Well, Cheesy HAD just been making a grilled cheese sandwich, and I have been hugging him for a good three minutes now. CURSE YOU, MY MANE, FOR BEING SO WARM AND FLUFFY!

But at least now I have a way to attract the boarder guards AND call the resistance! All at the same time!

“With this, I can definitely make the distraction I need!” Pinkie said, thinking of how she would set up the party. She would start with the cake, because what kind of party didn’t have cake? Then she would add cupcakes, candy, and churros. Then, once the food was out, she would add confetti, balloons, streamers, and noisemakers for everypony to help her make a distraction. Only, she didn’t know if noisemakers would be loud enough…

I need fireworks!

“Do you have any fireworks?” Pinkie asked, looking at Cheese hopefully. She hadn’t seen any drawers labeled with fireworks, so she thought it better to ask then to start rummaging around in all his neatly arranged files.

“I…did,” Cheese said, looking a bit nervous, “but they are all currently loaded into my…invention…”

“OHHHHHH! You’re an inventor too!? Can I see your invention? PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE?” She gave him the best puppy-dog eyes she could, and just like her father, Cheese couldn’t bear the sight of her gazing into his SOUL!!!

Or at least that’s what her dad had always said that gaze felt like.

“Sure…Sure. It’s just…”

“Just what?” Pinkie asked. Why was Cheese acting so nervous?

“It’s not done yet…and I may have kinda sorta maybe most definitely used your plans and tried to improve on them without your permission…Sorry…”

“Oh, that’s fine,” Pinkie said with a wave of her hoof. “If it was to make ponies happy, then I don’t mind in the slightest. So can I see it? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?”

“Sure, I’d love for you to tell me how I did,” Cheese said with a smile before reaching into his mane. After rummaging around for a few seconds, he pulled out a bright pink hard-hat with a set of three balloons on the side and shoved it on Pinkie’s head before pulling out his own yellow one decorated with a grilled-cheese sandwich.

“Follow me,” he said, smiling as he expertly slipped out of Pinkie’s grip and walked towards the secret construction area door. Pinkie bounced in excitement, bounded over after him, and waited patiently as he knocked on the door in a very particular pattern and punched it. A handle popped out, which he then pulled.

A nearby shelf lifted into the air, revealing a secret cave hidden behind it.

Ok, now he’s just showing off with all his super-spy-stuff. Why can’t I have a super secret party cave fully of party supplies and hidden chambers? Maybe I will have time to make one once all the mean alicorns were gone.

A mare can dream…

Stepping into the new secret cave lit by yellow and pink gems, Pinkie gasped at the massive feat of engineering before her.

It wasn’t just a party cannon – It was a party GOLIATH!

The impressive contraption was almost a story and a half tall, for pony’s sake! It was SO TALL that it had to move via a set of reinforced tank treads rather than silly old wheels! Though those treads DID look incomplete at the moment. The base itself was a red cylinder with amazing firework decals that looked SO REALISTIC, and the top half was half a blue sphere decorated with bright yellow stars on either side of where the MASSIVE barrel would go!

And the barrel was currently handing from a series of ropes and was SO MASSIVE in fact that Pinkie was sure that she, Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Cheese could all be fired from it with no problems at all!

Actually, maybe they could use it to get to Canterlot when the time came! It would help them avoid the security. She made a mental note to bring that up later.

For now, it was JUST. WHAT. SHE. NEEDED.

“I still need to attach the barrel, and the wheels are still missing, but I planned to use this to blast Lady Obsidian all the way to Canterlot, or maybe even the moon!” Cheese said, stepping in after Pinkie and pulling a second lever, sealing the hidden workshop once again. “It was based off of your designs, and it SHOULD work, but I only have enough party supplies for one shot…Pinkie?”

“One shot is all we need…” Pinkie said, her mane frizzing out more than normal as a very maniacal smile worked it way onto her face. Oh, the possibilities. “Cheese, I have an idea. A wonderful idea. A partytastic WONDERFUL idea…” she said in a voice that was not quite her own.

“What?” Cheese asked, sounding a bit unsure and nervous.

Pinkie pulled him close and pulled his ear down towards her mouth.

“Whisper whisper whisper…”

“Uh, Pinkie?”

“Yes, Cheesy?”

“Why did you just say ‘whisper whisper whisper’? DO you actually have a plan or…”

“Of course I have a plan, silly. But I can’t tell you it when the reader is still here! It would ruin the surprise!”

Cheese blinked, looked at the reader, and blushed. “Ohhhhhhhhhh, right. My bad.”

“It’s ok," Pinkie said with a more normal smile. “I forget about them all the time! And the author is no help in reminding me that they’re there. At ALL! I mean, have you SEEN his upload schedule?”

And then, without warning, a pie made of pudding, asparagus, potato chips, cashews, rolls, and pineapple slices appeared out of thin air and hit Pinkie in the face.

“HEY!”

Hay is for ponies.

Pinkie glared at the writer, who just chuckled at his bad pun before moving on to the time-skip.

Thirty-two hours later, just before sunrise…

“I’m starting to get worried,” Twilight muttered, pacing around back and fourth on the lookout above the cave they were still hiding in. “It’s been five days…”

It was technically Flash’s turn to watch for Pinkie’s distraction, but Twilight had decided, once again, to ignore his advice for sleep and instead come out here early and started pacing. It was a bit distracting, actually.

Thought Flash did admit he was rather used to her pacing after all this time. Which, in this case, was good, as it meant he had experience in calming her down.

“I’m sure she’s fine, Twilight,” he said in the most reassuring tone he had. “Pinkie pulls off the impossible without even trying, so I’m confident that she will pull through. We just need to be patient.”

“But what if Lady Obsidian found her?” Twilight asked, a single strand of her mane springing out of place with a slight ‘boing.’ “It’s bad enough that we had to send her back there all alone, especially with what Lady Obsidian did to her! But just imagine what she might do if she were to find Pinkie again!!!”

“She won’t find her,” Flash said confidently, believing every word he said. “Remember, Pinkie once managed to squeeze herself into the sugar container back at the house. If she can do that, I’m certain that she will be able to evade Lady Obsidian even if she is discov—”

PPPEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

BOOOM! BOOOM BOOOM BOOM BOM BOM BOOM BOOM BOOOOM! BOOM BOM BOM BOM BOM BOOOM!

Flash immediately dove in front of Twilight out of pure reflex as she let out a startled cry. But when he actually saw what had made the explosions, he wasn’t sure if he should laugh or facehoof.

Maybe both.

Actually, no.

DEFINITELY both.

Rather than a threat or attack, the mass of explosions echoing across the barren wasteland were actually a huge amount of fireworks constantly exploding over top Lady Obsidian’s property. It almost reminded Flash of the fireworks displays back home on the annual holiday celebrating the defeat of The Cloud.

Only, this display stood out way more, for the first firework that exploded here still hung in the air, spelling out the massive message for all to see with each letter being a different color of the rainbow.

“‘DISTRACTION’…” Flash read, smirking and shaking his head. They had told Pinkie to make one, but even he didn’t expect her to take their instructions QUITE so literally. “Hmmmm, think that’s the signal?”

Twilight groaned behind him and somewhere down below, he heard Rainbow cackle like a loon.

Back at Lady Obsidian’s property…

The ponies under the care of Lady Obsidian were very, very confused.

Or at least, Pinkie thought they were, going off of the looks on their faces.

All of them were standing outside their homes, gasping as the mass of balloons, food, streamers, and fireworks that signaled the beginning of Pinkie’s and Cheese Sandwich’s biggest party ever.

Many of them were also staring at what Pinkie had come to call ‘The Party Howitzer!’ Or the PARTY TANK MARK I if you wanted the ‘technical’ term.

Either way, the main event was about to begin!

“What is going on here!?” a dark red earth pony Butler exclaimed, charging into the middle of the party. At least thirty more Butlers followed him, surrounding the other ponies, but there was no sign of Lady Obsidian yet.

Which meant Cheese did it! He successfully managed to sneak into Lady Obsidian’s room unnoticed and cover her ears with earmuffs so she wouldn’t wake up! He really WAS a super-sneaky-spy pony! Sure, it might not last too long once a Butler went to wake her, but it should still buy Applejack and the others a few extra minutes to get onto the property. Until then, she just had to stall.

“YOU!” one of the Butlers yelled, his eyes widening as he caught sight of Pinkie. “You’re that mare that escaped!”

“ME!” Pinkie yelled, ponking off of The Party Howitzer and landing perfectly in front of it and the Butlers. “Yes, it is I! Party Pony Pinkie Pie! Here to fight the frowns and throw the biggest party in the history of parties! At least for now…” She giggled, glancing back as Cheese began to drive The Party Howitzer away so it would be safe when Lady Obsidian showed up.

Its work was done.

“I didn’t know that WEAPON did all this,” the head Butler growled, his right eye twitching erratically as he pointed at the retreating tank. “But I swear that every little piece of this party will burn, and YOU will regret ever showing your face here.”

With a stomp of his hooves, the Butlers began to advance, ignoring the party in favor of the party pony before them. All around, the ponies who had just begun to leave their houses now ducked back in, looks of fear crossing their faces as they retreated to watch from their windows.

But Pinkie wasn’t going to come quietly. And she was not going to let everypony’s smiles be broken so easily.

Not this time, nor ever again.

“LOOK! A SHAMELESS DISTRACTION!” she yelled in horror, standing on her back hooves and pointing in opposite directions with her front ones crossing in front of her chest.

To the disgrace of Butlers everywhere, every single one of them looked.

Two of them, a mare and a stallion, even turned in opposite directions, clonked their heads, and fell over.

It was enough to make many of the watching ponies, and especially Pinkie, start to chuckle at the age-old trick.

The Butlers, realizing they had fallen for the silliest distraction in the entire book, turned back around in anger, only to have it replaced with fear as they came face to face with the bright blue barrel of the Party Cannon Mark II.

“Made-ya-look,” Pinkie sing-songed, smiling maniacally at her victims before she pulled the fuse of the cannon.

SQUUUUEEEEEEEEEE!

The Butlers never stood a chance.

With a powerful party explosion, all thirty of them were sent tumbling into the air. A good seven were bound in streamers mid-flight. The two ponies who bonked heads got tangled up so tightly together they were practically kissing. Another two were knocked unconscious by one too many party favors, while one sole pony got his head stuck in an empty barrel on the side of the road as he was thrown away.

The leader and two others were buried under a massive cake and looked too dizzy to try and make their escape. Another Butler was now trapped backwards inside a hanging piñata and somehow one final Butler was now trapped in a balloon that was bobbing above one of the now decorated tables.

Even Pinkie wasn’t sure how that last one happened.

Oh well. She threw a quick pin at the balloon, popping it before the poor pony ran out of air.

Gazing proudly at her work, Pinkie nodded as she realized that she had disabled half of the Butlers, and the other half looked too confused/worn out/terrified of her party cannon to fight back, so mission two achieved: defeat the Butlers in town while waiting for the ones guarding the perimeter to show up so they left the borders undefended.

Now for mission three: SPREAD THE SMILES!

“Come on, everypony!” Pinkie cheered, bouncing around excitedly. “I want to see you…SMILE!!!”

SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!

A few brave ponies emerged from their houses once again as more confetti rained down from the party cannon, only to be swept up by Pinkie almost instantly and carried/spun/tossed right into the middle of the mass of decorations. But they didn’t seem to mind at all. With all the food, colors, and positive energy Pinkie was trying SO HARD to give them, these few ponies were unable to resist her bubbly bouncy energy and threw caution to the wind!

They were smiling, laughing, and a few even joined her in dragging their still-unsure friends right into the rapidly escalating party. Soon, Pinkie could feel her happiness and energy spreading through the crowd as smiles continued to grow, and all the stress left their postures. They stood tall, celebrated like there was no tomorrow, and even began bouncing around just like her!

Do I have fans now? That would be SO COOL!

Some of the ponies went right for the food, others began to dance and bounce around excitedly as a few others grabbed instruments from inside their houses, and still more went, quite surprisingly to Pinkie, to drag the Butlers into the fun.

AND SOME ACTUALLY JOINED IN!

Sure, some just stood there looking grumpy, or stomped for the food, frowning, but none of them tried to run away or go get backup. One of the Butlers even retreated back into what Pinkie assumed to be their house and came back with an old record player!

NOW we’re talking! Looks like even the Butlers were sick of Lady Obsidian. Who knew?

Oh look, the two Butlers that bonked heads are now untied and are dancing together. Awwww…how swee—OH SWEET FROSTING, THE STALLION JUST PROPOSED!!!

Ohhhhh, I need to back them a HUUUUUUUUGE cake once Lady Obsidian is out of the picture!!!!!!

Speaking of Miss Frowny-Corn, Pinkie knew they likely only had a few minutes before she was woken up, even with most of the Butlers distracted here. She needed to prepare the next stage of her plan while she waited for backup. She refused to let Lady Obsidian destroy this party on her watch!

If she WAS wearing a watch, at least. Maybe Lady Obsidian had one she could steal once they won. Hopefully she could find a pink one with—

No, focus Pinkie. FOOOOOCCCCUUUSSSSSS!!!

OHHH, SOMETHING FLOATY!

NO! Bad brain! We can chase the floaty thing when we’re done with the pre-party entertainment.

Hopefully Lady Obsidian wouldn’t wake up until her family arrived so Pinkie could show them just how you mess with an alicorn!

Five minutes and forty-seven seconds later…

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?” Lady Obsidian yelled, causing the needle on the nearby record player to screech loudly as she landed heavily outside the range of the party.

Ok, the earmuffs lasted longer than planned, but had still lasted not nearly long enough. Pinkie knew she should have had Cheese use Wonder Glue, then maybe she would have remained asleep FOREVER! But she didn’t, and she was here. Already Pinkie could see the cheer and joy begin to flow out of the nearby ponies as some cowered in terror.

In truth, there was still a part of Pinkie that wanted to do that as well, or maybe even
curl up and go hide in a salt shaker somewhere she couldn’t be found. Sure, she felt confident, in her element, even, when she set up the party and got the other ponies to smile and laugh for perhaps the first time in their lives, but…

It’s not like she COULDN’T mess with Lady Obsidian long enough for her backup to arrive, but now that she was actually SEEING her rather than just picturing burying her former master in three tiers of cake, she was terrified.

But she couldn’t give up. She had come too far to stop now. All the ponies here at the party were FINALLY living their lives the way they should, free of fear and oppression, and she refused to let all this happiness disappear! No matter how badly her legs were trembling!

She saw Cheese Sandwich waving excitedly from on top of Lady Obsidian’s house. Despite the alicorn’s appearance, Cheese was still smiling, and gave he a big wink as he pulled out a few pies from his mane. Stage four: TORMENT THE MEANY-CORN! was ready, and Pinkie just needed to play her part.

The sight of him so sure of himself helped push Pinkie’s energy into overdrive. Her backup was coming, and no matter how afr—errr, no matter how utterly HORRIFIED she was, she had to keep the distraction going. Everypony here and in the resistance was counting on her!

I can do this!

Lady Obsidian was glaring so hard Pinkie thought her face might freeze like that as she stalked forward. A few new Butlers flanked her, but none of the ones in the crowd moved to rejoin her. Yet despite the pure hatred in her eyes, no pony, not even the most terrified ones, ran away.

That only served to inspire Pinkie more.

“We’re throwing a party!” Pinkie exclaimed with as much cheer as she could muster, leaping onto a nearby table dramatically. “One designed to fight off your evil frowns, Miss Frowny-Corn!”

Pinkie was, thankfully, able to hold her pose without shaking or trembling even as the brunt of Lady Obsidian’s hate-filled gaze was directed towards her. Though that was only because seeing Cheese Sandwich squealing silently yet excitedly on the roof gave her the DETERMINATION to carry on!

“You…” Lady Obsidian hissed, her eyes narrowing even further than usual. “How DARE you show your face here after all the trouble you caused! How did you get past my Butlers, you little runaway? Here to BLOW UP more of my property!?”

Pinkie took a deep yet quick breath to calm herself as Lady Obsidian advanced on her.

I can do this. I can do this.

“Hey, don’t blame me. YOU’RE the one who let me in,” Pinkie said, smiling as she tossed the disguise gem out of her tail and caught it in her hoof, allowing her to once again take on the appearance of The Great and Powerful Trixie!

Now if only she could summon fireworks from her horn...

“WHAT!?” Obsidian cried in shock, her eyes widening and darting between the gem and the now-disguised Pinkie Pie. Her mouth flopped uselessly for a few seconds. As she continued to stare, her Butlers who had been guarding the perimeter began to land around her and on the nearby roofs.

Good, the distraction is working. It wouldn’t be long now. Just a few more minutes.

I can do this.

“How did you do that!? What is that thing!?” Lady Obsidian finally cried, thrusting a hoof at the gem.

“Sorry, only super-spies of Rank: Cheeseball can find out.” Pinkie stuck her tongue out teasingly as she tossed the orb back into her tail, causing the disguise to vanish once again. Lady Obsidian’s right eye began to twitch, and even her Butlers took a step back away from her, fear all over their faces.

I-I can do this…Don’t show any fear.

“YOU DARE MOCK ME, YO—SPLECH!”

Lady Obsidian’s rant was cut hilariously short when a blueberry pie hit her straight in the face. Everypony, even the Butlers, tried to hold back surprised laughter, their cheeks puffing out as they snickered uncontrollably.

Nice shot, Cheesy! I needed that little confidence boost!

With a flash of dark purple magic, Lady Obsidian immediately wiped away the remains of the pie and flung them to the side almost violently. Or MOST of the remains. She still had this purple spot in the middle of her forehead, and a small bit of crust stuck to her ear.

I don’t think she noticed, heheheheh.

Lady Obsidian was now grounding her teeth together in pure anger, yet that actually made Pinkie feel more confident. Just like Thorn during her battle with Twilight, Lady Obsidian would become sloppy if she was angry, just like she did when Pinkie was a filly. All she had to do was keep her cool and stay focused.

I CAN do this!

Pinkie and Cheesy weren't done yet! It was time for a classic!

“WHO THREW THAT!? I SWEAR THE WHEN I FIN—”

“Ombole bombole bo,” Pinkie interrupted, grinning like a loon as Lady Obsidian blinked in confusion.

Oooooooo, this is gonna be SOOOO good!

“Silence, you worm, bef—”

“Bolemb omble bo.”

“I said SHUT UP, you—”

“Bobole bolem bom.”

“EERRGGGG! I DEMAND YOU KEEP QUI—”

“Obole bombele bob.”

“SHUT—”

“Bobele bo.”

“UP—”

“Ombole.”

EHEHHEHEHE! This is too much fun!

“SHUT UP, YOU BIT—SPLECH!”

Another pie hit Lady Obsidian in the face mid-rant, strawberry this time, prompting a bit of laughter to erupt from the crowd.

Wow. Pinkie didn’t think the alicorn’s face could possibly get any more red.

Or was that just the strawberries? It was hard to te—

EEP!!!

Lady Obsidian fired a beam of magic right at Pinkie, forcing her to leap off the table just in time to avoid it exploding under her. Many of the other ponies backed away in fear, even the still-loyal Butlers. Yet still no pony retreated into the safety of their homes.

“ENOUGH OF THIS!” Lady Obsidian yelled, her mane flashing red as a streak of flame ran down its flowing length. Her eyes roamed the crowd, pure unadulterated hatred washing over all of them. “YOU THINK THIS IS JUST SOME SORT OF GAME!?!?!? I AM YOUR MAST—SPLECH!”

Now a peach pie exploded on Lady Obsidian’s face, prompting even more laughter from the crowd.

If she didn’t have to keep his location a secret, Pinkie would blow Cheese a kiss.

The remains of the dessert burst into flames, filling the air with the smell of scorched sugar as the smoke twisted around Lady Obsidian’s snarling face.

“I AM YOUR MASTER!!! AND I WILL BE TREATED AS SUCH! I WILL NOT BE MOCKED, AND I REFUSE TO LET THIS POINTLESS WASTE OF RESOURCES CONTINUE FOR ONE SECOND LONGER—SPLECH!!!”

And that was pie number 4. Cheese was out of ammo!

She couldn’t delay any longer.

It was time for Pinkie to stand strong.

“It is NOT a waste,” she shouted back.

Lady Obsidian shot her a burning glare, but Pinkie had found the courage to meet it and return it just by looking at the faces of the crowd.

NO PONY stood up to Lady Obsidian, let alone threw PIES at her! Yet Pinkie was doing just that, and even now was refusing to back down in the face of a raging alicorn. Everyone was watching her, looks of pure wonder on their faces as she did what they thought was impossible.

And it was those looks of wonder and hope that gave Pinkie the confidence to carry on no matter what!

“Happiness and laughter are the only things that makes this kind of life bearable. You think it’s pointless, but for US it makes our lives worth living! Those ponies under the Carvilious flowers are basically ZOMBIES! You have no right to force any pony to eat those in the first place!” Pinkie cried, earning a few cheers from the ponies in the crowd.

“I have EVERY RIGHT!” Lady Obsidian boomed. She reached out with her magic to try and grab Pinkie, but a trombone slide flew out from between two houses and smashed her horn. Her magic disrupted with burst of dark red energy and she growled in pain, but she never broke eye contact with Pinkie. “MY happiness is the only thing that matters on MY land! So if I say you little peasants shouldn’t be happy, YOU DON’T GET TO BE HAPPY!”

“That is NOT how happiness works!” Pinkie yelled, dodging another magic blast and retaliating with a cupcake. The pastry caught Lady Obsidian right in the eye, causing her to flinch back and work to remove the frosting. “You can’t DEMAND someone not be happy, or that someone not LAUGH! Laughter is only real laughter if it’s shared! You’re just a greedy hoarder, trying to keep all the happiness for yourself! You don’t even let your Butlers be happy!”

“OF COURSE I DON’T! Happiness, laughter, pathetic parties like these, they’re all just DISTRACTIONS! Their only concern should be following MY WILL! MY LAWS!” Lady Obsidian roared, lifting a nearby set of tables and trying to smash Pinkie between them. Pinkie nimbly leapt over and bucked them, sending them flying back at Lady Obsidian. However, the alicorn merely side-stepped them, not even bothering to cancel her levitation as they nearly collided with two of her own Butlers.

Actually, now that Pinkie was able to get a quick look at the Butlers, none of them seemed to be very comfortable right now. In fact, many of them looked as if they were…reluctant to fight? Normally Butlers would be jumping in right about now to help their Lady, but they were just…standing there, shifting uncomfortably.

Actually, that is probably a good thing as I didn’t think I would be able to fight them AND Lady Obsidian at the same time. And if they are still unwilling to fight when the rest of the resistance arrives, taking down Obsidian will certainly be much easier! Muc—

AH! MAGIC! DEFLECTIVE PLATE ACTIVATE! Pinkie screamed in her mind, having been so distracted by her Butler-analysis that she nearly missed the next attack! Thankfully, she had a metal serving dish in her mane, one that was able to deflect the magic beam right back into Lady Obsidian’s chest.

The alicorn merely grunted in pain before growling.

“Your LAAAAWWWSSS are stupid! And you’re just a grump old meany-corn!” Pinkie yelled, throwing another cupcake that landed perfectly on the end of Lady Obsidian’s horn.

“And what do YOU plan to do about it!? Kill me with streamers and cupcakes? Or maybe some useless balloons?” Lady Obsidian snarked, releasing a bone-chilling laugh.

One that sent shivers down Pinkie’s spine as the world came to a grinding halt.

That laugh. The one that haunted her nightmares. The one that represented all of the pain and suffering the Carvillious flower had inflicted on her. Horror and destruction given physical form.

It was the antithesis of everything, every bit of true joyful laughter, that Pinkie stood for.

It made her feel small, helpless, powerless as Lady Obsidian towered over her, that laugh echoing as her very soul was torn apart by the flower she had been forced to eat over, and over, and over, an—

SQUEAK!!!!

From a nearby house, a rubber chicken sped out at super-sonic speeds to violently smack Lady Obsidian across the face shattering the spell as Pinkie couldn’t help but snort in laughter.

Cheese, you’ve done it again. I am SOOOOOOO going to going to make you the BESTEST MOST AMAZING grilled cheese sandwich of your LIFE when this is done!

Pinkie could feel her spirits soar once again as the dark memories were shattered by the laughter he had given her. Lady Obsidian’s laughter wasn’t real laughter. REAL laughter was meant to be shared, to be given freely to everyone, not used as a weapon to haunt those beneath you.

That's it. No more miss nice party pony! Pinkie thought, making a quick and complex series of hoof motions to signal Cheese that it was time to stop holding back!

“I don’t need party supplies! I have SPEARS!” Pinkie yelled, striking a heroic pose on her hind legs as she finished her signal, pulling a glowing blue spear out of her mane and throwing it at Lady Obsidian. The alicorn dodged, and the spear imbedded itself in a nearby wall.

“I’M…out of spears…” Pinkie said dejectedly, slumping over, still on her hind hooves, as two exaggerated trails of fake tears streamed down her face.

“You only brought the one?!” someone in the crowd shouted.

“Of COURSE I only had one!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Do you know how much lapis lazuli it takes to make a magic blue spear with plus three durability, plus two damage, AND armor piercing?” She dropped her voice down to a murmur. “Frankly, I have no idea how Undyne can afford so many.”

She swore she could hear a chuckle from the talking skeleton three universes over.

“Is that really ALL you can do?” Lady Obsidian asked, smirking intimidatingly. Yet Pinkie wasn’t intimidated, not anymore. Her laughter was stronger than Lady Obsidian’s terror, and nothing Lady Obsidian did would change.

And plus, Lady Obsidian had been so focused on Pinkie that she had failed to notice the danger lurking right next to her.

“On my own, yes,” Pinkie said, her mane going completely straight as pulled on all the pain Lady Obsidian had inflicted on her. It was still there, deep inside her, and it wanted REVENGE!

Revenge that was about to be delivered.

Gone was her cheery smile, replaced with the expression of somepony ready for a little payback, with a bit of eye twitching thrown in for extra effect. She was smiling as creepily as she could. It made even Lady Obsidian pause and back up a step.

Perfect.

“But I’m NOT alone, right, Cheesy!?” Pinkie cried as her mane exploded back to life.

“You better believe it!”

Lady Obsidian’s head whipped around. Her eyes widened in shock and her words died in her throat as she came face-to-face with the bright blue barrel of the Party Cannon Mark II. She had no time to react as Cheese joyfully pulled the fuse.

BOOOOIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG!!!!

Rather than party supplies, a massive spring with a red boxing glove the size of Lady Obsidian exploded out of the cannon, catching Lady Obsidian right in the jaw and causing her to go flying right through the wall of the nearest house.

Much to the delight of the crowd, who cheered excitedly.

Now THAT had to hurt.

Apparently not enough, though.

With a wordless cry, Lady Obsidian exploded out of the roof of the house before chucking a PIANO!? at Cheese Sandwich. He dodged, just barely, and ducked to safety inside the nearest house with the party cannon in tow.

CHEESY! BE CAREFUL!

And why the heck is there a PIANO!?

No time to question it!

Good call, brain! Now is the time to FIGH—

Pinkie rolled to the side just in time to avoid a beam of magic from above. Thankfully, Cheese had her back and fired off another round of the cannon, this time launching a series of peanut-butter-inspired desserts that distracted Lady Obsidian long enough for Pinkie to dive to cover.

Ok, this isn’t going to work, Pinkie thought, her mind working overtime as she pulled out a small mirror from her mane and used it to look outside, just in time to see the nearby house get violently split in half by a beam of magic. Thankfully, Cheese managed to get out just in time. Unfortunately, Lady Obsidian was flying so high now that any attack from the cannon would be seen before it even got close to her.

We can't fight her like this! Lady Obsidian is too dangerous in the air, and we don't have any pegesi! Pinkie thought. She looked around in a panic, wincing as another blast shook the ground around her. Even the villagers who had been brave enough to watch from a good five houses away looked only seconds from retreating completely.

But then Pinkie saw her spear, still imbedded in the wall.

Ohhhh, IDEA!!!
Pinkie rapidly reached into her mane as she leapt for her spear, jumping over debris and running along a nearby wall to dodge another magic blast. At the same time she reached the spear, she managed to pull out another one of Cheese’s prototypes. With one last high jump, Pinkie landed on the shaft of her spear, which bent like it was made of rubber before springing back to position, sending Pinkie flying into the sky so she could throw her newest weapon.

The BUBBLE GUM BATTER BOMB!!!!

Just as she began to ascend, another explosion from her party cannon got lucky and hit Lady Obsidian with a massive amount of confetti. The alicorn was knocked from the air, her wings unable to recover enough before Pinkie was in range. Pinkie tossed the bomb up, caught it in her tail as she spun head-over-tail, and fired just as she reached the tip of her arc.

KERSPLAT!!!

With an explosion of pink goop, Lady Obsidian was knocked from the sky as the bubble gum batter bound her in a big sticky blob!

Unfortunately, Pinkie had underestimated the size of the blast, and her back hooves had been caught in the bombs splash damage, binding her hind legs together.

And to the ground as she landed.

Uh-oh.

At least she faired better than Lady Obsidian, who crashed to the ground like a meteorite and smashed another one of the nearby houses. Though the dust had barely begun to settle before there was a flash of teleportation and she was back in there middle of the road, her eyes glowing white as her mane caught on fire. Not even the chair stuck to her back, the plate on her leg, or the pillow on her flank could make her any less terrifying.

OhdearohdearohdearOHDEARDANGITLEGSGETFREEGETFREEGETFREEGEFREE—

“YOU! WILL! DIEEEE!”Lady Obsidian roared, grabbing a chunk of stone wall of a nearby house and throwing it right at Pinkie.

“Look out!” Cheese yelled in horror, trying to get to Pinkie.

But he was too far away to make it in time.

The only thing Pinkie could do was close her eyes and protect her head, bracing for the impact of solid stone.

But then a bright flash of light exploded outside her eyelids and she was swept off her hooves, the bubblegum unsticking from the ground by the sheer force of…whatever had lifted her up up and away.

“YIPE!” Pinkie cried as her mystery savior hit the ground, launching her into the air. She curled up into a ball as tightly as she could, still not opening her eyes and protecting her head as she landed back in whatever had hit her.

Her savior was…smooth. So smooth that she couldn't stop herself from rolling around and around and AROUND along its smooth tilted surfaces until she came to a stop right in the middle of…the object.

And then, all was quiet.

Opening her right eye to take a peek, Pinkie saw…pink? But not her pink? Why was there a lot of pink that wasn’t her pink? At least the bubblegum that still bound her back legs didn’t seem to stick to this thing, letting her pull herself to the edge of the object to see…

A teacup?

Why was she sitting in a giant pink teacup with a dark purple swirling design? What happened to the wall!? Did someone replace a wall with a teacup?

Is it even POSSIBLE to do that?!

It couldn’t have been Lady Obsidian, who was staring at the teacup like it was the strangest thing she had ever seen and who was no longer on fire for some reason. And it couldn’t have been any of the townspeople, as they looked almost as aghast as Lady Obsidian. So wh—

“T-The great…and powerful, TRIXIE—!”

An exhausted but excited battle cry sounded from the edge of the main town road, and every single pony turned around just in time to see the REAL Trixie pose dramatically and then fall unconscious with a loud THUMP!

OOOHHHHHH! Trixie could randomly turn things into teacups? That is AWESOME! That’s what she did, right? I’m SURE that’s what she did. I need to make sure she is available next time I needed to plan a tea party!

But that wasn’t all. Running up beside Trixie was Twilight wearing her cloak to hide her wings, Spike, Flash, Applejack, and the rest of their army! Up above, Rainbow gave a speedy pass, forcing the Butlers still in the air to land on the nearby roofs. And more resistance ponies were pouring out from between all the houses, and even MORE were coming around behind Lady Obsidian to cut her off.

So THAT’S what was taking them so long! They were SURROUNDING Miss Meanie-Corn! And no pony even noticed! Boy, I must be better at distractions than I thought!

“Attention, Lady Obsidian,” Twilight began, her horn and throat glowing as her amplified voice echoed across the village. “We have your entire property surrounded, and outnumber your Butlers three to one at the least. Surrender and face your judgement!” Her cloak flapped epicly in a sudden burst of wind, but not enough to show her wings.

“Or do it the hard way!” Rainbow yelled down. “Please do it the hard way! I haven’t kicked an evil alicorn in the face in weeks!”

“RAINBOW DASH!” Fluttershy yelled, glaring at the hovering pegasus.

“What? She’s a JERK! You heard what she did to Pinkie!”

“That is no excuse for violence! Right, Pinkie?”

“Welllllllll, I DID already humiliate her, tease her, hit her with four pies, a bubblegum bomb, a trombone slide, and a giant boxing glove—”

“Don’t forget the rubber chicken!” Cheese Sandwich called out, emerging beside Pinkie’s teacup with the party cannon.”

“Oh yeah! Thanks, Cheesy! Anyway, point is, I’m good on revenge I think, so I don’t mind surrende—EEEP!”

Lady Obsidian’s magic yanked Pinkie from the teacup before anypony could react. Cheese saw it a second too late and tried to jump for Pinkie, but he was too slow.

And the magic was only grabbing her head.

PAINFULLY!!!

“I WILL NOT surrender,” Lady Obsidian hissed, her mane catching fire again as Pinkie squirmed in pain. “And if anypony so much as MOVES the wrong way, I WILL POP THIS MARE’S HEAD LIKE A GRAPE!”

“ENGNGN,” Pinkie cried, the pressure intensifying on her head to the point where she couldn’t speak, from pain or the inability to move her mouth, she didn’t know.

“I will not be captured by a bunch of insignificant fleas that think they are above their MASTERS!” Lady Obsidian ranted, her magic surging around Pinkie’s head even more, to the point where her ears were pushed so far into her head she couldn’t even make out what was being said.

Pinkie clenched her eyes shut, light flashing beneath her eyelids as the pain just continued to increase. It felt like her head was going to burst, so much so that Pinkie wished she could pass out to escape the pain. She couldn’t even feel the rest of her body, all of her mental abilities being taken up by the pain around he—

SNAP!

The pain and pressure vanished in an instant. Pinkie gasped and breathed a huge sigh of pure relief even as she landed flat on her back.

But what had saved her?

Pinkie opened her eyes, just in time to see a small rock land on the very tip of her nose, the very same, VERY FAMILIAR rock that had created a massive crack spanning the entirety of Lady Obsidians horn.

“BOULDER!?” Pinkie cried, staring at the rock she just KNEW was hugging her nose. Only one pony could order Boulder around like that, which meant…

Maud had finally arrived from the mines.

And she did NOT look happy.

Moving like Rainbow Dash but on land, Maud shoulder-checked Lady Obsidian, sending her sprawling across the ground and causing her to pick up even more items in the bubblegum still clinging to her, including a yellow balloon and blue balloon.

Yet she didn’t stick to the ground like Pinkie did. The force of Maud’s hit had sent her flying with FAR more force than the gum could withstand.

Everypony else just watched in shock or jumped out of the way of the tumbling alicorn. By the time Lady Obsidian came to a stop, Maud was already moving again.

Stumbling back to her hooves, Lady Obsidian tried to slow down the sprinting earth pony by grabbing the contents of one of the smashed houses and throwing them at Maud. However, Maud simply struck out with her right hoof, sending the objects, one of which was an ANVIL!?!?, straight into the sky.

Shocked, Lady Obsidian had no time to react as Maud came to a halt, jumped up so she was just at Lady Obsidian’s face, and spoke.

“Die one thousand deaths,” Maud said in her normal monotone voice, before she STRUCK!

WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK

Maud punched Lady Obsidian for upwards of two and a half minutes as she hovered in mid-air, and it was the most impossible yet the most EPIC and well-deserved beatdown in HISTORY!

WHACK!

THUMP!

CRASH!!!

Then, seemingly satisfied, Maud delivered a driving uppercut while calmly shouting ‘shoryuken’ and driving Lady Obsidian onto her hind legs. Then, to finish it off, Maud deliver a mid-air buck right to Lady Obsidian’s chest, sending her careening across the road and through the nearby stone wall so that only her hind hooves were sticking out comically.

And given how no pony, not even Lady Obsidian, moved for at least a minute, it was safe for Pinkie to assume that the alicorn was down for the count.

Maud, on the other hoof, merely blinked slowly, before looking towards Pinkie.

“Boulder, what have I told you about sugar?” she said, almost sounding tired. Blinking, Pinkie looked down to see that the bubblegum binding her hooves was gone, replaced instead with an ever so slightly larger Boulder sitting on her legs.

“Awwww…I was gonna eat that,” Pinkie complained.

Maud gave her a disapproving look.

“WHAT THE HAY WAS THAT!?” Rainbow cried, throwing her fore-hooves out in a wild gesture at Maud.

“No pony hurts Pinkie,” Maud said, her voice betraying no emotion whatsoever as she blinked slowly. “Also, hi. I’m Maud.”

“YOU’RE Maud?”

“Yes.”

“Pinkie’s sister?”

“Yes. And yes, Pinkie and I are rather different,” Maud said. “And I have been waiting to do that ever since she made Pinkie eat the Carvilious flowers. I must say, the wait was worth it.” She smiled ever so slightly.

“I think you MAAAAYYYY have hit her a few too many times though,” Pinkie said, ponking over to her sister with Boulder bouncing on top of her head happily.

“Really? I thought it was the perfect number of times,” Maud said, blinking very, very slowly.

“Uhhhh…” Rainbow said.

“I think what Rainbow Dash means to say is that we thought you might be more like Pinkie,” Flash said, walking up as the rest of the resistance began to enter the town. As they moved in, Pinkie saw the Butlers slowly begin to surrender their weapons without a fight. Either they knew that there was no winning anymore, or Lady Obsidian had officially broken their loyalty to her with her little rant earlier. Pinkie couldn’t tell.

Either way, some of the resistance actually seemed surprised by the lack of resistance. Especially Applejack.

“Definitely didn’t expect this,” Spike said from atop Flash’s back, watching the Butlers surrender. “And here I thought I’d get to help in the battle,” he complained, only to be shushed by an unamused Twilight.

“It is a little surprising,” Fluttershy said, walking up with the still unconscious Trixie draped over her back with Rarity assisting with a bit of levitation. “Also, is there a bed somewhere for our friend here? I’d like to get her comfortable while she recovers. Also, Pinkie, you need to let me look at you when I’m done, just in case.”

“That house over there should have a bed,” Maud said, pointing towards a house three doors down that managed to not be one destroyed. “And I can look after Trixie once you have examined her,” she said, her eyes lingering on said blue mare for a moment before turning away to look at Twilight. “You must be the nice alicorn.”

“Huh? H-How?” Twilight stuttered. Her wings flapped unconsciously under her cloak, catching the attention for quite a few of the villagers as they began to return to the battle site. She just managed to calm down her wings before her cloak blew off.

“Pinkie told me. And I saw a feather fall out from your cloak when you were talking,” Maud said matter-of-factly, before smiling. “Pinkie also said you could turn Lady Obsidian into an earth pony.”

THAT made quite a few villagers and Butlers begin to whisper among themselves, some of them quite excitedly.

“Ermm, yes,” Twilight said, nodding. “I’ll just…go get Lady Obsidian.”

“Here comes the best part!” Pinkie squealed, throwing her hooves around the two Butlers who were now engaged. Twilight’s horn lit up and her magic surrounded Lady Obsidian, pulling her until she was free of her wall.

The Element of Magic began to glow.

A slight breeze kicked up, making Twilight’s cloak spread and flap. Her eyes glowed purple as the power began to surround her.

Awaken. Magi said through Twilight’s mouth.

A bolt of magic lanced out and struck the still unconscious Lady Obsidian in the head, prompting her to gasp and jerk in the levitational field Magi held her in.

“What!? RELEASE ME, YO—” she cried in shock, only for her mouth to vanish in a pop of magic.

Wow, this was the first time Pinkie had ever seen Lady Obsidian look genuinely terrified.

You do not command me, child, Magi spoke, her voice echoing around the town. I am not some simple artifact or pony for you to bully. I am the Element of Magic, and the time has come for you to face your judgement. Do not resist, as you will only increase your pain.

Just like Thorn’s judgment, tendrils of energy came flowing out of the Element of Magic. Four bound each of Lady Obsidian’s flailing legs and the last two sunk directly into the alicorn’s skull. Lady Obsidian fought and struggled, but she was helpless against her bonds.

A verdict has been reached, Magi said a moment later. You are found to be…

GUILTY

The magic turned bright red. The ponies native to Lady Obsidian’s property gasped, watching in fascination as the magic began to drain out of Lady Obsidian, flowing into the glass orb set on Twilight’s now outstretched hoof.

“Ooooh, magicy,” Cheese Sandwich said, tilting his head in interest.

You are one of the WORST that the alicorns have to offer, Magi said, ignoring the pained look on Obsidian’s face as she silently screamed. You only care for yourself, for fulfilling you own desires. You eradicate the happiness from others, judging yourself as the only one worthy of such joy. You crush dreams for fun, and are a stain on this world in every sense of the word.

And as such, you are NOT worthy to bear my mother’s gift IN ANY WAY. SO I AM TAKING IT BACK!

There was a bright flash from the Element of Magic, and the draining process began to speed up.

Pinkie blinked, then blinked again. Why was her vision blurry? Reaching up, she felt her cheek.

Tears. She was crying.

And yet she was smiling as well.

All that pain, all that trauma, everything she had suffered all those years ago…it was done. Never again would anypony under Obsidian’s care be abused or tortured just for wanting to laugh, to smile, to live their lives. Never again would Lady—no.

She was a Lady no longer.

No longer would Obsidian’s cruel laugh steal the happiness and joy from ponies. No longer would ponies be forced to work under her cruel hoof for hours on end. So much pain and suffering had finally come to an end.

So Pinkie laughed. It was a sobbing, smiling, hiccuping laugh, but it was a laugh nonetheless.

Finally, the draining came to an end, and the now-black-coated-and-purple-maned earth pony collapsed to the ground, half-buried in all the junk the bubblegum had glued to her. Magi’s cleansing process must have removed it.

You shall spend the rest of your life living among those you tormented relentlessly, Magi finished, waving the glass orb away.

“No, NO!” Obsidian choked out, her voice dry and cracked as she stumbled to her hooves, only to trip as a pair of magic shackles clamped themselves to her legs with a flash of Twilight’s horn.

Yes, Magi said, a hint of a smirk on her face. And now that that is done, I do believe Pinkie had something she wanted to do? Perhaps finish this party?

Finish the party? Yes. I need to finish it. I need to make sure this feeling of pure joy I am feel is passed on to everypony else. Just like with the Rainboom. And then hold one for the ponies back at the village. Then start making plans for one at Wall Flower’s property. Then maybe draft up plans for when we take Canterlot.

But for now, it’s time to PARTY!

“YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT!” Pinkie cried, laughing and leaping twenty feet into the air as tears of joy continued to pour down her face. Not even bothering to pretend to understand physics, she changed direction mid-air and crashed into her party cannon, nearly knocking Cheese Sandwich off his hooves.

“IT’S TIME TO P—”

HONK SQUEAK BANG BLARG!

“EEEP!” Pinkie cried, leaping back from the party cannon. Her invention was going MAD, hopping around all on its own, the barrel expanding and thrashing in all directions as if it were a sack with something entirely too large for it was trapped inside.

“What are you doing, you psychotic nu—” Obsidian screamed. She had just managed to get back on her hooves when the cannon pointed itself directly at her. The back of the barrel swelled to almost five times its normal size before a bright blue ball flew out, so fast that not even Pinkie could see what it was.

The blue ball, whatever it was, smacked directly into Obsidian’s forehead, causing her to flip head-over-tail and back into the rubble of the house Maud had smashed her through. As the dust settled, the mysterious ammo soared into the sky and started plummeting down.

It didn’t crash.

Instead, the object came to a sudden halt about a foot above the ground. No longer moving, Pinkie could see that it was a gemstone, floating and shining gently as it gave off a light blue light from deep within the crystal. The gem was badly cracked, and one of its points was missing almost entirely, yet Pinkie still found it to be incredibly beautiful. And, it made her…

Happy, for some reason.

Wait…

Happiness?

Floating?

Damaged yet still magical?

Could it be…

Really, Laughter? Really? Magi said, using Twilight’s body to facehoof.

“Laughter? You mean the ELEMENT of Laughter? That’s it?” Applejack exclaimed, gesturing wildly at the gem.

“It looks in better shape than the Element of Magic did when we first saw it,” Spike said.

She. Laughter is a she, not an ‘it,’ Magi said, frowning at the dragon.

“Oh, uh, sorry,” Spike mumbled.

“But what the heck was she doing in the CANNON!? I certainly didn’t load HER as part of the ammunition set,” Cheese Sandwich said, crawling into the cannon head first, followed by a loud series of bangs and the sound of a mouse playing a miniature tuba.

Don’t question her. You’re more likely to figure out how Pinkie works than Laughter, Magi deadpanned.

Laughter bobbed up and down, twinkling more intently. Was she laughing at Magi?

Well, they WERE siblings.

“Well then, good! Mission accomplished! Let’s grab her an—” Rainbow began, but Laughter shot off like a speeding pegasus the moment Rainbow tried to touch her.

And she was headed right for Pinkie!

“YIPE!!!” was all Pinkie could squeak out as the Element of Laughter collided with her chest.

The world exploded into a blast of light blue light, and everything she knew faded away into white…

Author’s note because I couldn't find a place to put it in the chapter: The disguise gem doesn’t work in Pinkie’s tail, but does work if it touches her anywhere else. Because Pinkie

Author's Note

TEACUP!
Minecraft!
Undertale!
COMPLETE INSANITY!!!!!!!!
This chapter is the perfect explanation as to why I should (or should not, depending on who you ask) write Pinkie Pie centered stories/chapters more often.
I'm sorry I took so long, but I think this may have been worth the wait

ENJOY!!!