Isolation. Have you ever truly felt it? I don't mean, left alone on a damp night. I mean truly and utterly alone. I have. That’s what the last few years of my life have been: roaming the world, cut off from magic and with only one of my 2 sets of precious wings, magically disguising and disfiguring my body to be that of a blank flank. I couldn't afford the risk of having friends. I couldn't allow the world to descend into fear.
I suppose I should start at the true beginnings... my origins if you will. I was born to the family of Canus. As such, I was destined to have a canine related name. 'Bacigalupo Esilio'. A name from an ancient language. It translated to 'To kiss the exiled wolf'. How fitting a name.
At a young age, my parents realized I was different... I was an outcast from the start. I didn't feel any stronger, faster, or more intelligent, than any of the other foals that were about me in my early schooling. I realize now that it was my wings, not my personality, that made them act that way. They all recoiled from me, as if I was diseased. The first year of school was wretched. Three days before school was to be let out, I was forced into foster care. I was told it was for my safety. Someone decided to be rather... deceptive. My parents were murdered by executives of the high council. That’s a lovely little bone to throw to a five-year-old demon that was already marked as a freak for having two pairs of wings.
My life only went downhill from there. My foster parent couldn't be called to do much of anything for me on any semblance of reliability, and could only be laughably called a parent. She bounced about, in a state of mindless bliss, unaware of the sorrows and battles that raged within my mind.
Hell wasn't exactly an easy place to grow up in. The arcane dark magics that were taught only proved useful to the unicorns that lived there. Until one day, I was suddenly able to do something no other pegasi was capable of. I performed one of the spells, a simple healing spell, on a classmate after he’d broken a hoof. This was quickly pinned onto one of the nearby unicorns, instead of me. After that day, not even the teachers would so much as glance at me.
Finally, after years of being singled out as a freak, or being left to be entirely alone in my own thoughts, with a petulant and petty guardian, I was brought to the High Council for a trial. Of what, to this day I still don't know. I was found guilty of all charges on the spot, and sentenced to a death-exile. Rather than fight back, rather than try to survive, rather than kill... I just gave in. I was done with the loneliness my life had been. A single boat amid a turbulent ocean.
Death-exiles were never missed, save this one. I wasn't a huge criminal, some celebrity that people knew and would either want dead or would miss. I was just a shadow, a mere backdrop.
Then the punishment began.
They never finish you off when they death-exile. They just damage you beyond any hope of possible repair, shattering bones, tearing skin, letting your blood drain as much as possible. They sometimes go so far as to dice your body into separate sections, only keeping the head attached to the body so that you can live long enough to see your dismembered parts get teleported into the realm that was known as "Equestria", the midland between heaven and hell. I was oh, so very privileged as to get this treatment.
I lay, caked in mud, my body dying beneath me, my mind spinning webs of thoughts, attempting to make sense of the world I was to die in, and roam forever as a spirit.
Then, the scariest, and most wonderful thing happened...
...my wings begun to glow with an arcane magic much stronger than any that I'd ever experienced. My body began to slowly, oh so slowly, stitch itself together. The burning sensation at each joint growing stronger, threatening to extinguish my thoughts and knock me out. I managed to lay awake for several hours more before succumbing to the desires of a heavy slumber, my body ragged, jaded, and aged by the endeavor. I was exiled at thirteen years of age. However, now my body felt as if it was closer to 18.
Part of me wanted to finish what the Council had started, after all, this realm didn't seem to be that bad a place to have my soul roam for the rest of eternity.
Something was nagging me though, a kind of absolutely unquenchable thirst for knowledge. Questions raced in my mind. Why did they kill my parents... Why did they give me a Death-Exile sentence... Why do I have two wings... Why can I do magic..Will I ever be able to go back? The hardest, and most important one... Do I even want to go back?
As I slept, I remember the dream I had. A very vivid one. An alicorn, pale as the sun and stars, with another at her side, as dark and luscious a purple as the night sky. They seemed to have a strong, close bond with one another, and seemed to want to aid me with my questions. However, the dream quickly twisted into a seething nightmare of horrid images. I was mercilessly ravaging towns, killing all those who opposed me. It was that night I vowed I would never use a single damage or death, injury, or any spell that could be used to harm that I was forced to learn in my youth.
It is from that day that I began my days as the wanderer. I traveled from town to town, disguised and hiding my wings and my magic, acting as though I just plain had never gotten a cutie mark. I still return to the place where I was reborn, so to speak, every year, to see if there is evidence of another exile that might accompany me. I was so lonely... so horrendously alone. I just wanted someone who wouldn't kill me on sight because of my origins.”
Bacigalupo paused and noted the white mare's gaze, she seemed... not distracted, not distraught, but distant, as if she were attempting to figure out a rather tough morning puzzle. Her eyes were showing her lack of sleep, and he bowed to the ground, lowering himself flat upon the grass.
“Sleep, Princesses, both of you”, he said, quickly casting a glance to the purple mare to his right side. “I'll let you use my wings as a bed.. its the least of a penance I can do for earlier.” The foolish image flashed in his mind again, him charge-hugging Princess Luna, thinking she was another exile, hoping that she might know some answers. She was taken aback, and he instantly felt ashamed, the words he was so ready to ask already dying away on his lips as the other princess eyed him angrily. He shied away, bowed and crawled backwards, muttering sorry, over and over again. It had been so long since he had seen another living soul he had forgotten decency.
It was then they revealed that they were royalty, and he felt even more ashamed, and even more shy than he had before. He had come to the noise as quickly as he could, and apparently these royal mares were informed of the occurrence and came as well.
“No, I... I couldn't do that...” Celestia said, shaking her head slightly.
“Please, its late, and I don't know how far your home is from this place.” Baci pleaded, “I feel as if I need to, as if its the only way I can make up for my foolish actions earlier today.”
“Are you sure?” Luna questioned, genuine concern both in her voice and eyes. “Won't we hurt your wings like that?”
Baci nodded feverishly “You'll only injure them if I let it happen. As you've heard, I'm amazing at self-repairing magics, and my body will keep itself from harm. Its probably a lot more comfortable than anything I could conjure up as a bed anyway, I never was good at those kinds of spells.”
He begun to set up the area for which they would slumber, using what magic he could to soften the ground up, then stomping it back down into a stable sleeping area. Baci was now on his abdomen, his chest pressed against the ground, legs tucked up against himself. It was Luna who made the decision on who slept on what side as she strode, quickly yet daintily onto his wing to lay by his side, moving quite a bit closer to him then he had anticipated, apparently trying to keep off the edge of the wing. Celestia was less picky, but just as dainty, and lay on his wing a little bit farther out.
“Sorry for my LuLu getting into your personal space... she's just a bit of a cuddly one.” Celestia whispered into his ear, keeping it low so that Luna wouldn't hear. “I hope you don't mind, I just feel ashamed for her sometimes. That, and she's still a little scared of some of the things that go on within the forest around us.”
At that, almost as if on cue, a flock of crows flew up into the air and aimed themselves southward, so that to an observer from afar they appeared to be running. Luna quickly scooted closer to Baci, the pairs flanks and shoulders almost touching now.
“Don't worry about it to much. If I was worried about people in my personal space, I'd never have let you both sleep on my wings.” He quietly muttered in Celestia's direction.
Luna began to shiver, weather of cold or fear, Baci didn't know, but as a response, he began to sing:
"Hush now don't say a word, Baci's gonna give you a nice safe world,
and if that world don't spin, Baci's gonna give you a big bright sun,
and if that morning sun don't shine, Baci's gonna give you a cool moon-light,
and if that moonlight doesn't glow, Baci's gonna fill your heart with hope,
and if all that hope runs out, Baci will be there for you"
As he finished his song, he kissed Luna on the cheek. She had fallen asleep sometime in the middle of the song, but had managed to press her side right up against him. It was here he began to do something he'd never let himself do; he started to cry. Ever so gently.
“You seem to do an amazing job at comforting people for a demon” Celestia smiled meekly, trying to cheer up the stallion, his tears reflecting the crescent moon. “You seem to have warmed my little LuLu's heart, and she seems to have worked her way into yours”
“I suppose so, but I wouldn't know. As I said, my childhood was one of solitude. We should sleep, we will need our strength to figure out what that thing was that made the opening.”
With that, the mare and stallion drifted off to sleep. However, one eavesdropping mare stayed awake and kissed her protector on the forehead, the purple mare having overheard the conversation. “Well, while I hardly know you, I know what alone is. A thousand years on the moon can make a mare feel exactly how you felt. The only difference with our stories is that while you were exiled, never to see your family again, I was able to be reunited with my sister, and she was the one who was able to bring me back to happiness. I intend to be the same for you. You may not be an alicorn or royalty, but you have a heart behind the shield you've put up. Your distancing yourself from everyone keeping you from having to explain things hurts you more than you realize. Or, maybe you realize exactly how much it kills you, but put on a mask to get through your days.” thought Luna as she lie there. “Your lullaby made me feel safe and secure, and I wish to do the same for you.” With that, she closed her eyes and kissed him again, this time on the cheek. “Your the first pony to treat me like a regular pony, and I plan to get you to treat me as such again. Part of me wishes that my sister never told you of our royalty.” She sighed, knowing she should sleep. “But your not the only one who is able to play with forbidden magic...”
She weaved herself into Bacigalupo's dreams, comforting him, trying to provide answers, the way she had when she first sensed his presence here. She never had expected to meet this particular stallion, for she had no way to find him. He disfigured himself, changing his coat to a million different colors as he roamed. Luna only knew of his true appearance through his dreams. His coat was a solid, deep, piercing silver, and a mane as silver as the moon. His cutie mark was of a crescent moon and stars, with a wolf howling in the middle. His long, powerful legs making up for his smaller mid-section, the double-wings attached slightly fore and aft the usual placement on a Pegasus, allowing him to still have them fold at his sides with ease. She found herself having rather pleasuring thoughts about this stallion, as she felt, whilst she drifted through his sub-conscience, a need to help comfort those, but to shy to get close enough.
“Well, looks like were both too shy for our own good. I'm to shy to reach out for help, your to shy to get close enough to get help. That little kiss earlier... I actually rather enjoyed it... I just wish you were less afraid. You have had the idea of being worthless drilled into you from the time you could walk. You survived what no normal pony, even Celestia or I, for that matter, could survive.”
The next day, the trio woke, having been safely protected by the shield spell the stallion had put up the night before. “Well, that ought to suffice.. we weren't killed last night.” muttered the Bacigalupo.
“I slept well last night, if its any consolation to you. You really didn't have to do that you know. Your from a foreign world, you didn't know we were royalty, and even then, we'd rather be treated as just regular old ponies.” Celestia began to ramble.
“I just feel as if I owed you both something, for so rudely tackling poor Luna to the ground in my attempt to gain information. I just... I feel so confused lately. I want to know why I was sentenced to exile when I was only 12, and why my parents were murdered years before that. I don't seem to be any more powerful than any other pony that exists, and I feel as if I'm merely a match sitting next to, both literally and metaphorically, the sun herself.” Bacigalupo sighed, and started walking. “I guess I'll be on my way... its not as if I'm needed by you. Two wondrous mares as yourselves should be able to take on whatever it is that made the clearing.”
“Ohhh no you don't!” Luna chuckled, trotting quickly up to his side. “We're going to make sure your okay. Celestia has a few students who needed to learn what friendship could do for them, so I plan on taking you in as my own pupil. I can't let Celestia have all the fun.” She smiled, trying to get him to stop walking.
He stopped, only to explain. “Don't bother, no-one will want to be friends with some pony like me. I'm a freak. An outcast. The few people who I -did- trust instantly sought to have me killed once I revealed my true self. I'm a demon, a 'destroyer of worlds'. Do you know about the Canus family? They were the tamers of the Hell Hounds, the ones destined to destroy all of the worlds, until the last Cerberus was killed, his soul destroyed. The Canus family was still revered, loved by the few elder demons that existed. That glory soon faded... we became just an ordinary family."
"Then I was born. An abomination against nature. A pegasus who could use magic without a horn... born with two wings... While my parents were alive, no-one dared to make fun of me for it... but the instant afterwords I was tortured and ridiculed. I was treated with as much respect as the gum on a horseshoe. Unwanted, Unneeded, Unloved, Detached from all mannerisms of emotional comfort. I have no way to get my answers to the questions raging about like a tsunami over the ocean in my mind."
He shook his head, upset with himself "I can only assume that my parents were killed due to having me as a child. I was death-exiled because I was an abomination. They didn't want to explain why such a once-proud family had descended into such a horrendous beast. My life... what I can call a 'life' at any rate, is hardly worth living. I've contemplated suicide, but have vowed not to use any kill or damage spell in this realm, and my body heals to quickly of its own accord. Even if I could die, I would be resurrected almost immediately. You girls know what its like to live a thousand years... think about ten thousand years. Watching your friends grow old and die around you. I'd never be able to live happily.”
“At least... come stay at the castle with me... You seem nice.” Luna moved closer to him, whispering “a.. and sleeping with you last night made me realize how alone I feel at the castle. No-one to talk to like a normal pony save Celestia, and even then, I'm her 'Cutsey wootsy wittle sister'. Please... I want you as a friend, even if you think no-one else will.”
Baci sighed, giving in, Luna's argument having hit him in a place he couldn't refuse. It was odd, a stallion as broken as he was constantly worrying about making sure anyone who got within a stone's throw's happiness. His mind argued against going, but somewhere, within himself, he was screaming and running around, bounding up and down, constantly ricocheting off walls with excitement. He was having a chance to both redeem himself in the princess's eyes, and at the same time give someone else happiness.
“I suppose I could stay... but, I'd rather keep to the shadows.” He turned around, staring into Luna's eyes. “Can you promise me that no-one but you or myself will know of my existence in the castle? I don't want to cause trouble for you.”
Luna nodded quietly, opening her mouth to say something, before Celestia, giggling, walked over and stood between them. “Oh? Has my little sister been taken in by a bad-stallion like Baci?” She laughed at those words as if they were the funniest joke she'd ever heard, falling to the ground. The two who were talking smirked only slightly, rolling their eyes. After the sun princess managed to stand again, she tilted her head “what? Oh, you two, lighten up! Besides, we should probably try to figure out what it was that made the clearing... I've never known of something to do this.” Her stomach growled, running close to empty. “I.. I think we'd better wait until we eat something though... Ponyville should be near by...” She turned to see Baci's eyes grow large. “Baci is it alright with you if we all go and eat something there? I know some other particular ponies who have had some rather tragic experiences as well, and they were even more accepting of her than I thought.”
Bacigalupo's eyes darted to the ground, glancing back and forth at things un-seen to the two mare's standing nearby. “Should I?” “Yes, yes you should, you need food” “I can't.. they'll see” “Oh yes, they'll see exactly how hideous you are” “He needs food...” “Ahh, but he can't go without them seeing his extra wings.. it takes time to cut those off and use self-modification spells you know?” “So I won't go?” “Yes” “NO!” The war waged in his mind, the voices arguing again about what he should and shouldn't do. He flopped onto the ground. The more feminine voice was arguing for him to eat, to go, and ignore the ridicule that, according to both the voice and Celestia, would never happen to begin with. The other voice, burly, as dark and foreboding as the very forest they stood in, constantly arguing that he was a monster, an uncontrollable killer, and that if he stayed near any living soul for too long, his rage and internal aggression would end up hurting them. His own thoughts and voice were shrouded out. Of course, the princesses had no clue as to what was going on his head, and his sudden outburst of “STOP!” startled them both, as well as his sudden breakdown. Tears streamed down his cheeks, the voices finally did as he commanded. Luna walked over, wrapped her wing across his back and held him gently.
“Its okay” said Luna, in a soft, caring tone. “its alright, if you don't want to go...”
“I.. part of me at least, wants to go...” interjected Baci, cutting off Luna's sentence. “Its just I have somepony... something in my head that won't go away that argues with it... a.. and I just don't understand it...” He looked up, towards the sky, then his eyes darted back down to the sun princess. “I.. I'll go, however, I...“ he sighed, “I won't be able to use a transfiguration spell, or any other kind of Self-modification spell... they take both time to prepare, and actually require some time to set, so that I'm able to do things without immediately losing the guise.”
Celestia and Luna both nodded in understanding “Well... the ponies of Ponyville are much more caring and compassionate than you might think.” began Celestia, trying to calm the stallions nerves. “I do believe that you will be able to go around with minimal normality, as long as you keep those extra wings tucked to your sides.”
“That I can manage. Just... pray I don't get injured. I've yet to learn myself how to turn off the healing spells that I've put on... they seem to interrupt anything that happens to me.” He sighed, shaking himself lightly. “That's right, you have a spell that your not even sure how it works, isn't that right you petty colt. Your nothing more than a laughing stock, can't even do a simple levitation spell without a headache, can't teleport without being crippled by pain. Your such a foolish child. You may have the body of a stallion, but your as weak and pathetic as a colt” “ Must you be so harsh on him? You and I have each lived with him every moment of his life, and have seen the things he's capable of. He was ripped to shreds just to get here, we're lucky he's still alive. He has more potential to do what was designed to do than you were, isn't that right Seven?” The voices were arguing again, battling with one another. This time, it wasn't directed at him. At least it was kinder when that happened. The voices didn't always attack him. They had let something slip however. “Seven”? Why was the male's voice named a number? Designed? Why would anypony design somepony? How could you design a living being? Nothing made sense anymore. So, rather then telling anypony, rather than do the logical thing and trying to make sense of it, Baci ignored it and let them bicker. They were cooped up in his head as long as he was, and maybe seeing some friendly ponies would help. “Well... are we going?”
With Bacigalupo's words, the trio began to walk in the direction that was Ponyville, the sun having risen to its fullest, the time tolling on the clock-towers in Appeloosa, Ponyville, and Canterlot. The low, methodical 'Ding. Dong. Ding. Dong' chiming the twelfth hour of the new day.
