To Bad it's Time to Get Dunked On. [Rewrite]
Smoke filled the sky as many of the buildings in the shining mountain city of Canterlot burned. A lone figure walked around the castle ground wondering who had caused all this destruction. The figure was short, stout, named Sans, and is wearing a blue hooded jacket, white shirt, black pants, bone white shoes and apart from his clothes is nothing but bones and has two pin pricks of light in his eye sockets showing that he does have eyes. As Sans passed a large broken statue, the windows high on one of the castle towers shattered with a loud crash and smoke billowed out. (whoever’s doing this definitely has a smoking problem. might as well go find out what going on.) Sans thought before he teleported so he’s looking through the windows on the floor above the one that exploded and used the ‘blue attack’ on himself to hold himself there.
Sans saw eight pastel colored horses galloping through the hall. The tallest of the is as white as a cloud, has flowing multy-colored mane and tail, a simple golden crown, a long horn, large feathery wings, and a picture of the sun on her flank. Next to her is a horse with the same build and the only differences between the two of there is this one is dark blue, her mane and tail looks like the night sky and she has a crescent moon on her flank instead of a sun. The six others are smaller, one’s a purple unicorn with a symbol of five stars around a large star. An off-white unicorn with curled purple hair and her symbol is three diamonds.
The next two are pegasui, one’s light blue, her mane and tail looks like a rainbow and her symbol is a rain cloud with a rainbow-colored lightning bolt. While the other one is a soft-yellow, her mane and tail are pink, and her symbol is three butterflies. The last two didn’t have wing’s or horns, one’s orange with straw-blond hair and has the symbol of three red apples and the last one is almost completely pink except for her symbol which is two balloons two of which are light blue and the last one is yellow.
(i had a feeling i was in canterlot but this confirms it.) Sans thought before he teleported into the hall in front of the eight people who screeched to a halt surprised and said. “sup. my names Sans. Sans the Skeleton and by the way your running something bad is happening, can you tell me what’s going on?”
The eight horse-like people looked at each other before the tall white one said. “An old enemy of ours King Sombra has returned and somehow got his hooves on a powerful artifact called the Alicorn Amulet. He stormed the city and not only did he easily defeating the Royal Guard, but he also blocked the way to the Elements of Harmony so we can’t use them. We’re trying to get some distance so we can come up with a new plan, but he’s right on our heels and I don’t know if we can beat him in a fight with how powerful he’s become.”
Sans thought for a moment before nodding to himself before everyone heard a loud booming sound coming from the door the eight had come through. “how about we get out of the castle before we continue talking?”
“How? We’re in a tower and he’ll know if we use magic or fly away.” The purple unicorn said.
“fallow me i know a short-cut.” Sans said as the nine of them walked through the door the fleeing ponies were heading to only to appear on roar with the castle gates on their right.
“But…how?” The pruple Alicorn gasped.
“told ya i knew a shot-cut. So is there any place near here where we can talk?” Sans asked.
“Fallow me.” The white Alicorn said as she walked across the street. After a few minutes Sans was very surprised to see that she had led them to Joe’s Donuts Shop.
“any reason you led us here?” Sans asked.
“I have a secret vault under the building. We should be safe there.” She replied much to everyone shock.
“…it’s one of your cake vaults isn’t it Celestia?” The dark blue Alicorn asked and smirked when the white Alicorn gained an embarrassed blush.
“that’ll this explanation all the sweeter.” Sans said and out of the corner of his eye he saw the purple unicorn flinch.
As the group walked into Donut Joe’s Celestia headed for the cash register and gently moved it to the side to reveal a smooth grey surface which clashed with the white counter. Celestia took off her golden horse shoe with her magic and placed her hoof on the grey surface. When she did the all the tables and chairs in the center of the room were lowered underground before the floor opened and a white elevator took their place. “Everyone inside quickly.” Celestia urged as she moved the register back into place and put her shoe back on.
“guess this’ll be an elevating experience.” Sans said.
“Don’t you mean enlightening?” The white unicorn said as the pink pony giggled and the purple unicorn flinched again just as the elevator started to descend.
“i know what i said, but don’t you think now’s a good time for introductions?” Sans replied.
“You’re right. I’m Princess Celestia, this is my sister Princess Luna and these are our friends. Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rarity.” Celestia said motioning to each pony as she said their names.
“well i won’t say jack about everyone’s names but this is a rare moment considering none of you are shying away from a talking skeleton. i do hope we can get the sparks for a decent conversation and after all this is done we can dash to get a delicious peach pie.” Sans said his grin never leaving his face.
“…Did you just say all of that just so you could make a pun out of our names?” Rarity asked.
“yup. i’m a very punny guy wouldn’t you say?” Sans said and noticed Twilight’s left eye had started to twitch and Pinkie started to laugh no longer able to hold it in.
“Will you please stop making puns!” Twilight asked.
“what’s wrong? are my jokes to boneless for you?” Sans asked shrugging before checking everyone’s ‘stats’ starting with Celestia. [Princess Celestia. Attack 80, Defense 80. LV. 8. SOUL Affinity, Patience. Alicorn Princess with a strong connection to the sun, is willing to put up with all foolishness of selfish nobles and waiting one thousand years for her sister to return from the moon after being corrupted. Often knows more then she is letting on.]
[Princess Luna Attack 80, Defense 80. LV. 12. SOUL Affinity, Justice. Alicorn Princess with a strong connection to the moon, was once corrupted by her darker half when feeling like no one appreciated her. Is working tirelessly on learning from her mistakes and protecting her subjects.]
[Twilight Sparkle. Attack 5, Defense 8. LV. 3. SOUL Affinity, Determination. Has a large thirst for knowledge and is the leader of the Elements of Harmony as the Element of Magic and currently the only apprentice of Princess Celestia. Has humongous power hidden inside her but doesn’t know anything about it.]
[Applejack. Attack 8, Defense 10. LV. 1. SOUL Affinity, Justice. A member of the county spanning Apple family Applejack is one of the more mature members of the group and is very good at knowing when someone is lying which is the reason the Element of Honesty chose her as its bearer. Has immense power hidden inside.]
[Pinkie Pie. Attack 5, Defense 15. LV. 2. SOUL Affinity, Perseverance. Despite her child like antics she is incredibly intelligent and knows the name of everyone she’s ever met. She keeps a hidden cave under the bakery she works at where she has information on the likes and dislikes on every pony in Ponyville so she can make the perfect party for them which makes her the perfect choice for the Element of Laughter. Has the ability to predict the future thanks to her ‘Pinkie Sense’ which shows it’s self in various twitches on her body. Has immense power hidden inside.]
[Rainbow Dash. Attack 10, Defense 2. LV. 3. SOUL Affinity, Bravery. Headstrong and rash, and tends to rush into problems but will always stick by her friends. She is the fastest flyer in Equestria and currently is the only one known living Pony able to pull off a Sonic Rainboom. She bares the Element of Loyalty. Has immense power hidden inside.]
[Rarity. Attack 2, Defense 10. LV.3 . SOUL Affinity, Integrity. A mature and successful business mare Rarity works hard to make the best outfit she can for her clients. While she sometimes battles with her greed she is a very generous soul and secretly sends new clothes to homeless shelters and Ponies down on their luck as an anonymous benefactor. Is the bearer for the Element of Generosity. Has immense power hidden inside.]
[Fluttershy. Attack 1, Defense 1. LV. 1. SOUL Affinity, Kindness. Very shy and can bond with almost any animal. Fluttershy will always help those in need, but you should NEVER piss her off for her Stare will pierce your soul. Like the rest of her friends has immense power hidden inside.]
“Sans? Are you alright?” Rarity asked.
“hmm? what was that?” Sans said.
“It’s just that you’ve been staring off into empty space for a while.” Applejack said.
“sorry about that. just lost in thought.” Sans replied before reaching into his coat and pulling out a bottle of ketchup.
“What’s that for?” Pinkie asked.
“i’m thirsty.” Sans answered as he opened the bottle and started to drink as the elevator slowed to a stop. After taking a sip everyone was expecting to see ketchup running down his legs but when none came Twilight with a crazed look in her eyes rushed at Sans a pulled up his shirt revealing a pristine white rib cage. “slow down there. i think you’re missing a few steps that are needed in a relationship” Sans said his cheeks glowing with a blue blush.
This snapped Twilight back to normal and she scrambled backwards with a blush of her own, apologizing over and over.
“don’t… don’t worry about it. after all i’m very different that anyone you’ve met up until now.” Sans said. “how about I explain a little bit about monster kind before we come up with a plan to deal with Sombra?” (although I already know exactly what i’m going to do.)
“I suppose we do need a few minutes to recuperate.” Luna agreed as the group walked through a short hallway and into a large room with three of the walls being covered in shelves full of hundreds of cakes sealed in glass domes. In the center of the room is a large computer terminal surrounded by at least twenty chairs.
“is this a cake vault or the lair of a super hero?” Sans asked.
“I wanted to make sure that I could keep an eye on things when I’m down here so I had security cameras hidden around Canterlot.” Celestia said as she booted up the computer.
“Well at least we can keep an eye on Sombra.” Twilight said.
“since we’re down here how about we have a slice of cake?” Sans suggested “and considering i’m not the only one eyeing them i know i’m not the only one here with a sweet tooth.” Twilight glared at me for a moment before looking back at Celestia.
“I don’t see why not.” Celestia said. “And since you’re the one who helped us escape why don’t you choose the flavor.”
“do you have any devil food cake? i’m in the mood for some chocolate” Sans asked. Celestia smiled and with her magic brought down a triple layered chocolate cake while also bringing out nine plates and forks.
“It’s not a devil food cake but it is a chocolate raspberry cake. Will that work instead?” Celestia asked.
“works for me.” Sans said happily while rubbing his hands together. Once everyone had a slice they looked at the screens and saw that Sombra was running through the entire castle while he screamed with rage that his quarry had somehow escaped.
“So what did you want to tell us about Sansy?” Pinkie asked and even though her mouth was full of cake we could perfectly understand her.
“it all started a long time ago, in a universe far, far away.” Sans started but was interrupted when he heard Pinkie hum.
“Da, da, da-da-da. Da da da da da na na na.”
“that’s the wrong song but you know what? i like that one better.” Sans chuckled. “anyways one on version of earth the races of humans and monsters once lived in peace. until one day the humans turned on the monsters and declared war.”
“Why would they do such an awful thing?” Rarity gasped.
“to understand why it happened you need to first understand the difference between the SOULS of humans and monsters.” Sans said and with a snap of his fingers floating bones appeared and came together to form two hearts, one right side up the other upside down. Pointing at the right side up heart Sans continued his explanation. “human SOULS are able to hold much more DETERMINATION then a monsters SOUL, there for the human body is much more solid but less incline to be able to use magic. a monsters SOUL is the reverse so our bodies are mostly made of magic.”
“Fascinating.” Twilight muttered. “I wonder if I can get some of this DETERMINATION to experiment with.”
Sans’s hand whipped around and pointed at Twilight as the bones vanished. “unless you’re willing to literally kill to get your hands on a SOUL i would suggest you abandon such thoughts. and trust me when i say this but messing with DETERMINATION ends up with some horrifying results.” All the Ponies immediately paled when Sans mentioned they’d have to kill to get a SOUL and like Sans suggested Twilight dropped that train of thought. “anyways, humans had enough DETERMINATION to allow their SOULS to linger after death and if a monster got hold of a human SOUL then they could absorb the SOUL to become much stronger. this is why the humans declared war, but what many didn’t know is that it’s more like a fusion of the SOULS. the human would always be there in the monster. to cut to the chaise the monsters lost the war with many of us turning to dust which is what happens when we die and not a single human SOUL was taken.”
“in the end seven human wizards created a barrier around a mountain to seal monster kind underground. anyone could enter the barrier but no one could leave unless they had the combined power of a monster SOUL and human SOUL.”
“That’s a… interesting choice for a barrier.” Celestia mused.
“I wonder if the wizards had some sort of plan.” Luna said.
“in a way they did. because seven humans made the barrier a monster who had the power of seven human SOULS could destroy the barrier, and after eight humans entered the kingdom of monsters the barrier was destroyed and the monsters went free.” Sans said.
“Why did it take eight humans?” Rainbow asked tilting her head in confusion.
“the first was a child who the king and queen adopted. you see they held no ill will towards the humans but after something happened where both of the king and queens children died. king Asgore full of grief and rage made this oath. ‘any human that falls into the Underground will die and their SOULS collected and once we have enough we shall rage war and take back the surface!’”
Everyone gasped and tears started to fall of their eyes. “That’s horrible!” Rarity said using a napkin to wipe at her tears.
“Asgor’s wife Toriel didn’ like that and left. taking residents at the entrance of the underground to try to protect any human who fell in. but every human who entered always left to explore more of the kingdom and died, which allowed Asgor to gain six SOULS. after many years another child fell in and through their DETERMINATION managed to befriend every monster they came across just by being a pacifist and never fighting back.”
“That’s freaking amazing!” Rainbow exclaimed.
“It is rather impressive.” Twilight agreed. Sans shot a glance at Fluttershy but she noticed him and scooted away.
(she’ll open up when she’s ready.) Sans thought to himself before continuing with his explanation. “the reason it takes seven souls to break the barrier is because with that power a monster could gain the power of a god, and that’s not an exaggeration."
“I’m beginning to fully understand why the humans started to fear the monsters.” Twilight muttered.
Sans looked at her with sadness and disappointment evident in his expression. “just because we can gain that kind of power doesn’t mean we want to. Asgor himself is a giant softy and if he had his way he’d never harm a fly. part of the reason he said that was to give his people hope which is something they were quickly losing.”
At that moment Sombra roared. “WHERE ON EQUESS ARE YOU!” With everyone looking at the screens Sans took this moment to place his empty plate down and teleport back to the castle.
“I think that’s enough of an explanation for now we… need… to… Where’s Sans?” Luna asked.
“THERE!” Applejack said pointing at the screens.
“He’s planning to take on Sombra by himself?!” Rarity gasped.
“With him pulling a stunt like that I don’t think we have time to come up with a plan so let’s roll with the punches and give him all we’ve got!” Rainbow said. Everypony agreed and as one they moved towards the elevator.
“Don’t you die on us Sans.” Celestia said taking a quick glace back and using her magic to turn off the computer. “We’re on our way.”
Sans quickly found the way to the throne room and found a unicorn with a black mane, dark gray coat, blood red horn, burning red eyes, metal armor, red cape and had what Sans assumed to be the Alicorn Amulet around his neck. The amulet is an up-sides-down grey triangle with a blood red diamond shaped gem, with black metal wings and the head of a unicorn with blood red eyes.
“so, you’re king Sombra. well this certainly is a... somber moment. wouldn’t you say?” Sans said before Checking Sombra’s ‘stats’. [King Sombra. Attack 100, Defense 75. LV. 25. SOUL Affinity, Perseverance. Gained immense power from the Alicorn Amulet and will endure anything to get what he wants.] Then Sans notices that the Amulet somehow had stats.
[The Alicorn Amulet. Attack 0, Defense 0. LV. 150. Grants great power and corrupts anyone who wears it except for those already with a high LV. Can only be taken off by the one who put it on. Gains more power for every person it corrupts.]
“What’s this? Has Celestia fallen to cheap tricks to beat me?” Sombra chuckled darkly.
“I’m no trick, but let me ask you something. Do you wanna have a bad time? After all, seeing what you’ve done to this city… I can’t afford not to care.” Sans said as he closed his eyes and placed his hands in his pockets.
“What are you babbling about?” Sombra asked.
“It’s a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming. On days like this, Ponies like you…” Sans opened his eyes were empty, and when he spoke his voice was deadly serious. “Should be burning in hell!”
*For the upcoming beatdown play this music*
Sans lifted his left hand and much to Sombra’s surprise he floated above the ground as a blue heart appeared hovering inches in front of his chest. Then he was flung against the floor before bones shot out of the ground impaling him but when the bones vanished they left no trace of a wound. For the next few minutes this cycle repeated its self until Sombra was on his knees panting. “HOW DID YOU DO THAT?” Sombra roared as he felt pain throughout his entire body.
“I already told you, didn’t I? You’re going to have a bad time.” Sans replied before a line of light blue bones that went from wall to wall shot out of the floor in front of him and moved towards Sombra. Then two large oddly shaped skulls appeared and opened their mouths. When they were fully opened their left eye’s vanished and a beam of white energy shot out aimed right at Sombra, but Sombra managed to get to his feet and dodged out of the way just before the wall of energy bones past through him.
“DIE!” Sombra shouted as he fired a large beam of energy at Sans, but the instant before it hit Sans teleported out of the way and appeared behind Sombra.
“Did you really think I’d just let myself be hit? If so then you’re so far in the dark you must need a candle.” Sans said snapping his fingers to make more bones appear that hovered around him, before they were sent flying towards Sombra.
“ENOUGH! NO ONE MAKES A FOOL OF ME!” Sombra yelled he dodged most of the bones.
“I’m not trying to but now I can’t help but wonder what you look like in a sombrero… on second thought that joke was too easy guess I need to put a thinking cap on.” Sans replied as he effortlessly dodged all Sombra’s counter-attacks. The two went back and forth with their attacks for fifteen minutes with Sans making puns the entire time.
“I’ve had enough of your idiotic puns! I don’t know what kind of power you have to make the pain more intense than it should, but It won’t save you” Sombra roared beginning to rapid fire his spells in an effort to hit this infuriating Skeleton.
“How do you plan to PUN-ish me? Send me to the PUN-geon perhaps? Or are my jokes just not hitting your funny bone?” Sans asked as he used the Blue Attack on Sombra again but instead of just summoning bones to impale Sombra he shot bones and summoned the laser skulls to attack instead.
“ARGE! SILENCE! AND WHERE ARE THESE BONES AND SKULL THINGS COMING FROM?!” Sombra bellowed as he struggled to get to his feet.
“Magic, and what’s wrong? Don’t like my Gaster Blasters? Because they seem to like you. Why don’t you take a closer look?” Sans asked as he summoned eight Gaster Blasters so they surrounded Sombra, and they’re ready to fire. “Get dunked on.” Sans calmly stated before snapping his fingers one last time as Blasters fired and engulfed Sombra and when the lasers stopped all that remained of Sombra was a floating purple heart with small splotches of red and thin cracks of black on it and a cracked Alicorn Amulet. Sans fell to a knee panting. "that was close. if that had gone on any longer i’d be dust. note to self, work on getting more hp. Sombra was lucky that his SOUL is the same attribute as my Karmic Retribution ability, but i can’t just leave that SOUL there for anyone to pick up and he’s too dangerous for me to absorb." Sans thought before summoning another bone pillar to shatter Sombra’s SOUL.
After a few minutes, the eight ponies returned and gasped when they saw all the damage in the room and the broken Alicorn Amulet. “You… you beat him. How?” Twilight asked.
“all i’m going to say is that Sombra couldn’t bare the feeling of his sins crawling down his back.” Sans replied.
Author's Note
After thinking about it I decided I wasn't satisfied with my first attempt to here's round two. Hope it's better and that you all enjoy!
