Being tired and not being able to sleep is said to be ridiculous. Your body can mentally and physically shut down if you are not getting the right amount of rest. You feel like you slowly fade away and begin to lose your existence.
Twilight Sparkle had that problem, only she felt like she was being tortured.
As Equestria was fast asleep, she was up all alone, her mind buzzing with every thought in the universe. Sometimes, her thoughts would reach a stand still. Most of the time her mind would go blank, but other times it was filled with an emotion that she could not explain as she had never felt it before. It confused her. It baffled her. It broke her. Though, what she felt was what she knew and what she knew was that the infatuation was... love. Getting a good grasp on the sensation was a difficult task for Twilight. No book could help her understand and manage the feeling. Was she afraid she would be rejected? Was she afraid the one she adored would no longer be her friend? She did not know and that made her go absolutely crazy.
“Uhhhhh!” The Princess of Friendship screamed in frustration into the dark emptiness of her room. For many nights, Twilight Sparkle had been up into the wee hours of the morning, becoming more and more frustrated.
“Why is love so confusing?” She shrieked, whipping around and slamming her face into her pillow. She felt like her brain was going to explode; the immense pain in her head just would not go away.
On numerous occasions, Twilight would do her best to ignore the throbbing in her head, it never was that agonising. However, it seemed too had gotten worse as time went on, and on this particular night, the ache was so intense that her vision was going blurry, her hearing was degrading and all her ears would catch was the slow thump of her heart. Twilight knew this was not right, but she did not care in that moment of time. Nothing was on her mind more than the pony she had feelings for.
“You know what, I can’t take this anymore.” Twilight Sparkle muttered through gritted teeth. She flung herself over the edge of her queen sized bed and squinting at the clock on her bedside table, she was able to conclude that it was half three in the morning. Looks like it’s another sleepless night for me. Twilight settled all four of her hooves on the cold, crystalline ground and swayed from side to side, her sight preventing her from standing up straight. Ever so slowly, she walked towards her balcony, trying her best to keep focused and trot in a straight line. Although, that was proven to be difficult. She had stumbled over numerous of times, making it look like she was drunk and had three left legs. After several tumbles, Twilight Sparkle finally reached her balcony, letting out a sigh of relief. Not only because she had got to her destination, but the feel of fresh air was amazing.
“Took me long enough.” She giggled slightly, throwing her two front legs on the banister and resting her head on her right hoof. The chilling night air blew through Twilight’s coat and mane, sending shivers down her spine yet not enough that caused her any discomfort. She extended her wings like she was about to take flight, letting the feathers brush past each other as the breeze whisked past them.
All the challenges she had faced over the last couple of months were swept off of her shoulders. They were hard, especially considering she had gotten little sleep. Those challenges did not necessarily involve villains vowing that they would destroy Equestria. It involved, you guessed it, love destroying her world. It was tearing her apart bit by bit every single day.
Trying to understand this emotion, trying to understand that feeling, she did not know when it was going to stop. Most ponies would just give in and go and speak to somepony else, sometimes even the one they had a crush on. The princess of friendship had NEVER dared to do that. She was not ready. Somepony would tell her the right thing to do was go to a pony who knew a lot about love, like Rarity or Cadence. Twilight just scoffed at the ponies who told her that. They were not her, so why were they telling her what she should do? She thought it was absolutely ridiculous, though she kept her thoughts to herself and kept her mouth shut.
“Who knew I would be so depressed over this? I certainly didn’t. I know I’m not an expert. Still, why can’t I seem to get a grip on these emotions? I’m always succumbing to them and I’ve already surrendered to my newly bad sleeping habits.” She said to herself. No pony else was about, which made Twilight feel kind of lonely. A warm hug was all the purple pony wanted to make her feel better. One, single tear drop made its way down her soft, slightly red tinted cheeks, a light gust of wind brushing it away. Her head was still spinning, though she was able to finally see a lot better and her ears eventually picked up other sounds apart from the beat of her heart, like the wind whistling as it whipped past her ears. They twitched, again and again. Not in annoyance, but because she was thinking.
“I’ve never found my way into these kinds of predicaments. It’s not necessarily a bad one; it’s just that, I don’t know, it’s messing me up? It’s making me go crazy? Sometimes I find myself laughing because of how stupid I am being over this. Sometimes I find myself on the verge of tears because I don’t know what to do, and... sometimes I find myself talking to myself just like I am now.” She said, bluntly stating the final line.
“It’s so irritating! One minute I want to tell her that I have feelings for her, even if I won’t know how to explain them. Then the next minute, I’m cowering out saying I’m worthless, that no pony would want to date me and THAT THIS WHOLE THING IS JUST MAKING ME GO INSANE!!!” Twilight Sparkle practically hollered the out the last line, while begging that she had not woken the whole of Ponyville. Calming down, she took one breath in, held it for three seconds, then breathed back out, waiting another three seconds then breathing back in again. She repeated this a few times, her sister-in-law’s trick putting her at ease.
“Right, Twilight, you need to calm down.” She addressed herself with her name.
“How about we start off with listing all the reasons why you like her so much. That’s a nice and easy task.” One by one, Twilight Sparkle started listing everything she loved about her crush.
“Let’s begin with her eyes. I could stand there all day, staring at them. The teal colour looks like an ocean that surrounds the Caribbean islands when the suns shimmering down on it. I could write a song or even a poem just about her eyes. Don’t get me started on her mane. The way it sways, it just entrances me. It sparkles and glows under her moonlight, the blue matching perfectly with her coat colour.” The purple princess found herself getting lost in her thoughts to what she was saying.
“Oh, Princess Luna, I know why I love you. If only I knew how to explain my feelings to you.” Twilight Sparkle let out a huge sigh as the sun was just beginning to rise to kiss the morning sky, its solar body radiating a mixture of red, yellow and orange. Night time was always Twilight’s choice over day time. She was not trying to offend Princess Celestia; it was just that the night sky reminded her of Luna. Well, that princess was the one who began the night time. Once again, Twilight let out a huge sigh at the thought of her crush.
“I can’t keep wallowing over her out here; I’ve been standing here for ages already. I have a busy day and I’m dreading it.” Twilight flung her front hooves off the banister of her balcony and trotted back towards the entrance to her bedroom.
And still, the fact stays in her mind.
She was in love with the princess of the night.
