Spike's Very Incredibly Shitty Day

by Dustchu

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Main 6, Lyra, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Random
Length: 5042

Spike has a very incredibly shitty day in Ponyville.

Like it says on the tin can folks... Spike has a very incredibly shitty day.

Pre-reader: Glitch_319
Written for the Make Spike Suffer Contest
Warning!: I dunno, read and find out

Published 2017-06-20 23:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2017-06-20 23:00:05 UTC

Its a Bad Day LA... I mean Ponyville

Author's Note

This story was indented for Anonpencil’s viewing pleasure :heart:
This was fun to write, couldn't stop laughing my ass off xD

Its a Bad Day LA... I mean Ponyville

Spike’s Very Incredibly Shitty Day.

Oh, what a bad day it was, for young Spike, yes... yes indeed, it was very bad, some might even say, it was very incredibly shitty for our young hero, Spike.

Perhaps you are wondering, just who is Spike? Well, many have wondered that over the years, who is this pony? Well, let me be the first to tell you, he is no mere pony. He is not a zebra either, or a gryphon, a centaur, he is not any of the things, he is something that is... perhaps far greater than whatever comes to mind...

My dear Frodo-... I mean... reader, Spike is a dragon.

And not just any dragon, but a baby dragon.

Spike, is a baby dragon.

A baby... dragon.

And he’s about to have a very bad day...

A very incredibly bad day.

Ponyville... eh, it was good shit, nice ponies, great weather and all that.

And Spike, he lived here with his big sister figure, Twilight... Twilight... now, what was her name?

Snarkle?

Farkle?

Sporkle?

Snortle?

Mmm...

it does not matter much.

What does matter, is that Spike is having a bad day.

Spike had woken up from a nightmare, a horrible dreadful nightmare. He lay awake on his bed, eyes wide as could be and bloodshot from the nightmare he, unfortunately, had to suffer through. It was a regular dream, something that had started off so wonderfully nice. Sadly, however, it ended up spiraling into a nightmare the likes of which shook him to his very core.

He had been on a date with Rarity... the very same one he was going to ask her on this very day, the one our dear friend woke up to, to escape from his dreaded nightmare. He was taking her out to a lovely dinner at one of the most expensive restaurants in all of Canterlot. Spike had just ordered some Red Velvet Cake... her favorite. She smiled at him when he said he'd pay the bill, fluttering her eyelashes at him in the way he always wished she would. She held out her hoof, placing it upon his own and making him smile. His heart fluttered as he stared into her eyes, and he knew... this was it...

He was going to confess his feelings to her.

Once their food was placed in front of him, courtesy of his bro Anon, who bowed and did his casual moonwalk to back away from the two, Spike had fiddled with a box in his sweet suit pocket. She cooed from his touch and asked, "Care to feed me a slice my little Spikey Wikey?"

He smiled. "Of course Rarity dearest~" He picked up a knife, slicing a bit of cake free and picking it up with his fork, he held it towards Rarity who pursed her lips in that sweet way she did. Spike, being as small as he was, had to hop up onto table much to Rarity's amusement. And he guided the fork closer to her. But then... to his utter dread and absolute shock, he slipped! "Whoops!" He cried out, his foot had caught on the tapestry and sending him propelling forward with a cry of alarm.

Time seemed to slow down for the young scaly Casanova as he watched the fork, propelled by his tightened grip, sail directly towards Rarity's wide open eye. Seconds seemed to pass, seconds which seemed like an eternity for young Spike as the fork agonizingly and slowly pierced the mare's eye, red velvet mixing with the sapphire blue of her orbs. Her mouth opened wide in a silent scream, his own eyes wide, heart pounding.

She started to scream...

And then he woke up... sweating and body trembling from the fact his dream turned into a nightmare.

On this perfect date he was wishing he could have... he stabbed his beloved Rarity, his crush in the eye with cake!

He gulped, sitting up in his bed and rubbing his eyes. Jeez... what a nightmare... He trembled still as he climbed out of bed, and doing his morning stretches. Well, it's just a silly nightmare, I doubt it'll happen again! Spike chuckled to himself, thinking it silly that such a thing could happen to him in the waking world.

It was just a nightmare...

Nothing more.

Nothi-

"Ow!" He grunted. During his stretching, he had twisted the wrong way and a sudden pain had made itself known in his back, pinching his muscle in the wrong way and causing him some discomfort. "Dang it..." He put a hand on his back, rubbing it as a dull tingling sensation appeared and made him wince with every wrong move. A painful sigh escaped him before he turned and headed for the door leading out of his room, perhaps a spot of breakfast will fix him up right and proper.

His stomach wasn't feeling too hot, however, nor was his heart, but some of Anon's delicious cooking. Anon was a very interesting creature, an odd green skinned and faceless being with only a mouth and a clue mark where his eyes should be. Certainly, an odd being, considering the first thing he did when arriving here was slap Twilight's butt and compliment her on such a fine ass.

He was promptly thrown into a tree with a scream of worth it!

Now, however, after apologizing through the form of homemade cupcakes, he had proven himself to be a rather friendly, if snarky, individual. He made up for his shortcomings with his homemade cooking, which had won over the hearts of many mares.

Now perhaps, Spike could possibly get a taste of his breakfast, it'd most likely help him deal with the nightmares remnants trickling into his brain like a leaky faucet. With a yawn that caused his jaw to ache, and making his back pain worse he opened the door and ventured down the hall, a sniffle escaping him once he arrived in the area that acted as the dining room.

The young drake looked around... and he noticed a severe lack of food... and ponies... and Anon.

"Huh." The room was completely empty. The dining table was devoid of ponies and Anon, making him wonder why there was no breakfast prepared today. He didn't smell any scents lingering in the air of past breakfast, in fact... he smelled nothing at all. "Twilight? Anon?" He called out...

And he waited...

And waited...

But no answer.

"Hmm... must have missed breakfast or something." He figured, rolling his shoulder and feeling that twinge of pain again. "Gah! Man... maybe I should see the Spa Twins or something." Maybe they can get rid of this kink in my back or something. Spike sighed and opted to run back to his room, ignoring the annoying little pain in his upper back as he rooted around his bed for his little bag of bits. Once he found it, he opened it up to find he had a few bits left over from his last spending spree. "Hmm... probably enough here for an apple or something..."

At that, his stomach growled, prompting him to waddle out of the room and eventually out of the castle. Soon he was greeted with the bright light of Celestia's bright sun shining down upon the small farming town of Ponyville. Ponies walked about, doing their stuff and thangs.

Spike just waddled down the steps, slipping on something with a loud cry of-"Whoah!"-before smashing into the ground, his back pain grew worse as a result. "Oooow!" The drake held his back and groaned before looking behind him, and there he saw what appeared to be a banana peel on the ground. Grumbling quite angrily at the fact someone decided to dump their litter on the ground in front of the steps, he stood and picked up the peel, "This is dangerous! Someone could get hurt slipping on this!" Like me. He thought bitterly as he ventured in search of a trash can to throw it in.

After a bit of painful walking, he found one near a bench.

It was taller than he was... so he chucked it up to throw it in... only it landed on the rim before slipping off and smacking him in the face. Which proved to be a problem. He grumbled in anger before tossing it again, only to fail once more and narrow his eyes at the trash can. With a wiggle of his butt, he jumped up and grabbed onto the rim before standing up on it and dropping the peel in with a smile and a firm nod. Heart swelling with a good deed well done, he made to jump off of the trash can...

"My hayfries are all gooey! Disgusting!" A filly suddenly cried, before chucking her filly's meal from Hayburger at the trash can to throw it away.

However, she ended up hitting Spike instead. "Whoah!" He slipped and fell right into the trash can, slamming into the bottom face first into some moldy trash and gunk. The smell was atrocious, but nothing too bad... it was still gross though, "Aww gross!" He struggled to right himself in the trash can so he could escape. The combined smells of rotting food, drink, and other waste filled his nostrils, and giving his keen sense of smell... it just made it worse. "Ew! Freaking gross! Bleagh!"

Once he managed to right himself, he went about the difficult task of climbing out.

"Oh jeez..." A pony groaned nearby, giving him some pause. "My stomach..."

"I told you that those hayfries weren't going to taste good Lyra!" Came Bon Bon's chiding voice.

"But I was so hungry! I couldn't just let them go to waste!" Lyra replied swiftly, stomach gurgling as they approached. "They were on sale!"

"Probably because they were expired!" Bon Bon sighed heavily, as Lyra burped.

Lyra's face turned an even darker shade of sickly green. "Uh oh, I think those fries are coming up to say hello!" Lyra burped again, stomach grumbling and gurgling before she galloped over to the trash can nearby...

The one with Spike still inside of it.

"Wait..." Spike blinked, before looking straight up. The trash can was shaken as Lyra collided with it, knocking Spike down into the bottom onto his back. He saw Lyra's face appear, but her eyes were wrenched shut, "W-wait! Don't-!" He cried, but it was too late...

Lyra's cheeks bulged with her breakfast and before Spike could even try crying out for her to stop, her lips parted and opened wide from the regurgitated contents of her stomach surging forth like a chunky tidal wave. He watched in frozen horror as the stream of acid and barely digested and chewed food exploded forth from her throat with a loud-"Bleeeaarrgh!"-which instantly splattered onto his face and body, some of it even getting into his wide eyes and causing the most intense of burns. His own mouth was wide open and to his great horror and disgust, the chunky gunk went straight into his mouth and down his throat, as well as into his nose.

Spike wanted to yell, to cry, anything! But he was too busy flailing and trying to block the vomit from hitting him to no avail, he was practically bathed in Lyra's vomit! The massive stream that went into his mouth he was unable to spit out. By some force of nature, he was forced to swallow it, sending Lyra's chunky stomach acid and breakfast down his throat and into his own gut as his eyes burned with the fire of a thousand of Celestia's suns. His body was caked in Lyra's vomit after she was through and ended up stumbling away, not even acknowledging Spike's existence. He felt disgusting, utterly disgusting...

He laid in the bottom of the trash can... and then he felt his own bile rising. "O-oh Celestia!" His stomach gurgled and his mouth shot open before he threw up as well, hot piping bile exploding forth from his gullet and out of his throat.

Sadly... given his position, it soared up into the air like a fountain of chunky green water and sludge...

And like all fountains...

It came crashing down on top of him, adding onto the mess Lyra left on him after her stomach troubles.

"Whew..." Lyra spat, her and Bon Bon not even noticing the stream of vomit rising up from the trash can like a fountain spurt. "Well, I feel better, wanna grab some cake from Sugercube Corner?" Lyra questioned with a smile, cantering off.

"B-but you just threw up! How are you hungry after that!?" Bon Bon questioned, eyes narrowed at her best friend.

"I'm buying~" The minty green unicorn held out some coins, jingling them in a silly way.

Bon bon blinked. "You... I... ugh..." Bon Bon puffed out her cheeks, and after a few seconds she followed after and muttered, "Fine..."

Spike just lay in the trash can... covered in filth, garbage, and vomit... he trembled, whimpered even.

And his back still hurt...

He said nothing... and just climbed out before running back to the castle... he needed a bath.

A very hot bath.

Later

After washing up, Spike ran back out into the town with a sigh. His back was still hurting as he waddled past stalls and he wondered if he should visit the spa ponies before getting some food. A hum escaped our young friend. His gait was slow, thoughts turning back to his plans with Rarity to ask her out on a date. I need to hurry up and ask her! With a smile, he hurried along and planned. Okay, let's see... maybe I should buy her a rose? That'd be swell! A smile appeared on his face as he forgot all about the trash can.

The dragon passed by Sugarcube Corner, just as Bon Bon walked out alongside her friend Lyra, and the mailmare, Derpy, the latter two carrying lots of food on their backs. "I swear, you two are going to end up shitting out your bowels if you manage to eat all of that."

"Nu uh!" Lyra stuck out her tongue at Bon Bon before shoving a cupcake into her mouth and chewing noisily.

Bon Bon sighed as Spike quickly sped away, blushing slightly at Bon Bon's use of a swear word so casually in public. He scurried along, intent on finding the Flower Sisters' stand so he could purchase, a flower, a beautiful flower for his beloved Rarity. Spike passed by Bulk Biceps' peanut stand, who was selling peanuts to ponies... at low low prices.

I tink it was tree fiddy a bag.

I'm going to ask her out... I'm going to pony up and ask her if she'll go on a date with me. Spike told himself and smiled happily once he approached the Flower Sisters' stand so he could buy the flower he needed.

He waddled up to the stand, a bright smile on his face as he spotted Roseluck. He held up a clawed finger, "Excuse me?"

"And then I saw Anon walking past Rarity's boutique and I wouldn't have thought much about it, but he stopped to stare in through one of the windows!" Roseluck said, causing her sisters to gasp.

"You think he's got a thing for Rarity?" Lily wondered aloud, humming as Spike frowned.

"Uhm, excuse me? Can I ge-" He was unable to finish his request. They were ignoring him!

Roseluck hummed. "Maybe... who knows, I mean, he's an alien..." She looked to both sides and leaned in, "Who knows what he's packing in those pants of his, might be bigger than a stallion."

"I dunno," Daisy hummed, licking her lips slightly. "Big Mac's a pretty big guy."

"Isn't he gay though?" Lily questioned, whirling to face her sister.

"Have you seen that hunk of a brother Twilight's got? What's his name... Shimmering Sparkle or something?" Roseluck added as Spike padded his feet upon the ground several times in annoyance.

"No no no, his name was Gleaming Shield!"

"Glittering Starlight?"

"Flash Sentry!"

...

...

"No, that's Twilight's goofy boyfriend!" Lily pfft'd very loudly and added, "Fuck that guy."

Spike, getting fed up with the trio's antics, shouted, "Hey! I'm trying to ask you something!"

All three of them finally looked towards Spike, frowns on their faces. "Wow, rude much?" Roseluck questioned, and Spike sighed.

"Look, I'-" His apology was interrupted when Lily scoffed.

"Not even gonna apologize?" Lily frowned further as Daisy rolled her eyes.

"Typical male," Roseluck said as she walked off into the shop.

"W-wait!" Spike called out as the other two sisters ventured inside, "I'm sorry but I nee-"

"Sorry! Try again later." Daisy stuck her tongue out at him, making Spike frowned sadly as the door was slammed and a sign was placed out front saying they were out to lunch.

The dragon blinked... and slowly deflated as he realized he'd have to wait if he wanted to get a flower for Rarity. Now, he could just go out into one of the fields nearby and pick a random one, maybe craft a bouquet for the mare of his dreams out of some field flowers. But in his eyes, those were not good enough!

Dang it, now what?! He pondered, not even noticing an approaching cart rolling towards him from up the hill.

"My nut stand!" Bulk Biceps cried out in utter shock and terror, eyes nearly bulging from their sockets as he galloped after the cart.

The cart picked up speed from its downhill trip, rolling faster and faster as gravity was in full force. The cart was weighed down with a hefty amount of peanuts, the iron axle underneath, and the heavy chest of bits stored within it. All of this added onto its speed, making it move even faster. It hit a few rocks which altered its path ever so slightly, almost looking like it was going to avoid Spike entirely but every other it hit corrected it and sent it on a straight path into Spike itself.

Who was unaware of it.

"Hmm... maybe I can as-" Spike was unable to finish his thought on what he should do for his flower problem... his back pain had grown incredibly worse all of a sudden.

Probably has to do with the peanut cart that rammed into him at speeds that probably would have killed anyone smaller.

Luckily all it did was fuck over his back a lot.

"AAAH!" Spike's eyes were wide with fear and shock as incredible pain skyrocketed through his body like fireworks. The cart kept moving as he was smashed against the front of it like a twisted hood ornament on one of Anon's world's vehicles! He couldn't move, the cart was moving so fast that it prevented him from being able to peel himself from the front and escape! That and cartoon logic refused to let him go until the comedic relief was done with, of course. "AHHH HEEEEELP MEEE!" Spike screamed loudly, hits allowance bag falling from his hands and landing in the streets, spilling its contents for a nearby hobo to snatch up.

The cart sailed down the hill at incredibly fast speeds, Spike trying in vain to escape from this torment as his back felt like it was on fire! He saw buildings and ponies pass him by like blurs, and no one was doing anything to help him! He whimpered in a panicked way before bursting out crying.

And then... he saw Anon up ahead!

"Anon! Stop this crazy thing!" He cried out to his best friend, Anon, who was at an ice cream stand.

Anon looked up from his ice cream cone, a triple decker of vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry on it in perfectly scooped epicness. He stuck out his tongue, sticking upon the cone as he watched the cart soar down the road at speeds that reminded him of a speeding car back home. He saw Spike plastered onto the front of the cart, with a tired Bulk Biceps galloping after it.

"Help me Anon!" Spike yelled as he approached faster and faster!

...

Anon just looked between his ice cream and Spike. He did this several times before yelling back, "Hands are full, sorry bud!" Anon apologized. He shrugged his broad shoulders before going back to indulging in his delicious sweet treat.

Spike's world seemed to fall apart as he sailed on past Anon, who apparently didn't give two shits about what was going on.

Biceps stopped by Anon, huffing and struggling to breathe. "Wow... that cart sure can move."

"Sorry bud, I woulda stopped it but..." Anon gestured to his treat, and Biceps nodded in complete understanding.

"Oh totally!" Biceps licked his lips.

"...Want me to buy you one?"

"Would you? My money was in the cart."

"I got your back buddy, what are friends for?"

Meanwhile, Spike cried out for help over and over again while on the cart, but no one seemed to even be attempting to stop him from sailing down towards Sweet Apple Acres. He smashed through one of the fences surrounding the property once he reached the end of the road that turned into a sharp right. The freshly painted white wood exploded into splinters around him, not doing much to mar his scaly underbelly but he was still a baby dragon, so it did hurt enough for him to scream out, "AHHHH! AHHH! HELP!"

Blasting through trees, he thought he felt the cart beginning to slow down and he began to breathe a sigh of relief. His back was in the worst pain imaginable, his chest would no doubt hurt come tomorrow and he just wanted to go back to his bed!

But then... one he passed the trees and blasted through a bush...

He saw that he was headed right for a rather large hole in the ground!

The young drake panicked even more at the sight of it. "No no! No no! Nonono!" He cried, begged and pleaded with whoever was listening, but they apparently didn't give a crap about him either as the cart suddenly hit a rock and sent him flying forward right into the hole with a cry of fear and pain. He smashed into the wall of the hole before sliding down, halfway down he ended up slipping from the wall and falling straight down.

*KRAK!*

Went the agonizing sound of something in his back practically snapping in half like a twig once his back and spine. His eyes bugged out as unimaginable pain coursed through his body. He slumped backwards across the rock, laying at an unnatural angle. A million thoughts ran through his mind, all of it was agony, pain, and misery wrapped into a burrito of hellfire. He couldn't move, he could barely blink, and the only sound to come out of his mouth was a pitiful whimpering noise.

"H-hah." He whimpered silently, unable to feel anything below his neck except that burning pain that came with the fall. He looked up and heard some ponies talking.

"Just set it up over that hole over there, thanks." Came Applejack's voice. "Need it set up for the cider fest we got goin' on."

Before he could even attempt to call out for help, something large was set over the hole. All light was gone, and he was trapped in absolute darkness...

O-oh no... He moaned out, trying to cry out, "H-help!" Came his pathetic wheeze.

Seconds passed... and he called out again and again, but no one heard his pleas or cries. For hours he was stuck in the hot ground, sweat covering his body and thoughts whirling around in a chaotic thunderstorm of panic and fear. Would anyone find him? Was this how he died? Buried on the Apples' farm with them none the wiser? Would he get a funeral at least?

Tears stung at his eyes as he heard, "Alright folks, the 50th Annual Apple Family Cider Festival is underway! Tables are over there, drinks and hot food over there. You gotta try Granny's new recipe! And restrooms are over there." At that Spike watched as the object above him shook slightly and he saw a ray of sunshine!

I-I'm saved! He was about to call out, but then the sun was gone again. W-what?

"Ooooh man... Bon Bon was right!" Came Lyra's voice above and he swore he saw the puckered asshole and tight lips of Lyra's backside. "Oh, those cupcakes didn't go down right!"

"Hurry up! I gotta go too!" Came Derpy's voice, sounding needy and anxious. "Oooh, my tummy hurts!"

Spike heard the sickly gurgles of Lyra's got above him... and then he realized.

This was no mere hole...

This was something... far worse, a fate worse than death itself! "Gaah! Fire in the hole!" Lyra cried out with a hefty groan afterward. With his keen dragon sight, he saw her puckered anus seem to pulsate before she farted. A huge stinking cloud of noxious gas expelled forth from her tight pucker, quickly filling the hole he was in and making him gag.

Oh Celestia no! Anything but this! He sobbed quietly, watching in fear of what was to come. Mere seconds passed as another sickly burble of noises came from Lyra, who groaned again before expelling another gassy fart, and then... it exploded forth, Lyra giving a loud squeak of surprise and grunting hard to get what was forcing its way through her anal tunnels out her dark green ponut! A thick stream of disgusting brackish sludge splattered out amidst her loud groan of relief of managing to finally expel such a pressure.

And it hit Spike head on on the body, coating his scaly body in vicious ooze and sludge that smelled incredibly foul, putrid even and made him want to curl up and sob somewhere. And Lyra didn't even stop, she was still squatting over the hole and squeezing out more of her bowel's contents into the hole. And joining it was a long stream of putrid urine that splashed onto him from above like a golden shower. He tried to turn his head and avoid it, but both the bodily fluids and waste still trailed down his head and got into his eyes, nose and even into his mouth.

"Ack!" Spike coughed, mouth opening to cough from the horrid smell that would haunt him for years to come.

And then Lyra cried out, "Oh Celestia!" And then came another explosion of foul stenches, much worse than before and splattering out into the dark and now muddy and smelly hole Spike was trapped in. He could do nothing except attempt to endure this tragedy that had befallen him. Thankfully... it seemed she was done... "Whew... jeez, Pinkie must be losing her touch!"

"Come on! I gotta go!" Came Derpy's voice.

"Oh jeez, that cider isn't sitting well with me either." Rainbow's voice came next, as did several other voices.

Spike gagged as sludge moved slowly down his body, eyes bloodshot and burning like hellfire from the feces having gotten into both of his innocent orbs. He saw the light once more... that accursed light...

Only for it to go away, as yet another pony took Lyra's place, Derpy's well-shaped rump was there now... and she gave a squeal of effort before her own joined Lyra's. Toxic, stinky... burning, steaming and chunky sludge that slowly covered his entire body.

Spike managed to scream, mouth open wide in a pure scream of agony...

Before a pile of dung smacked him right in the face, effectively burying him under shit and puddles of urine that was beginning to build around him. The ground seemed to loosen before he sank in the toxic goop, body writhing in agony as he sank in the quickly forming sinkhole of rapidly building pony shit and piss. He could only hold his breath for so long, even with his mighty dragon lungs... it all had to come to an end.

His mouth opened up, trying to suck in air, a reflex his body demanded be fulfilled...

Only a torrent of crap and piss greeted him instead of sweet oxygen... filling his mouth and going down his throat, his nose, eyes...

Everything slowly dimmed for him... life flashing before his eyes as the foul putrid taste and smell of feces smothered his senses, snuffing out the very light inside him like a water to flame.

His last thoughts... before he sank below into the depths, being buried alive by mud, shit, and urine...

W-what did I do to deserve this h-horrible fate?

Later

"Wow... really Twilight?" Pinkie groaned as she stepped out of the incredibly abused outhouse that had been set up for the 50th Annual Apple Family Cider Festival. Pinkie just got done dropping off some timber at the old mill... if you catch my drift. "man, and Anon made everything for the festival! Cupcakes and pies! He did more than I did!"

Twilight nodded. "Yep... stomach flu is going around, really nasty stuff." She grumbled, stomach churning at the thought. "Oh boy, and just after Anon cooked all those pies and cupcakes for us! Such a shame... he worked so hard on them."

"I can't take this!" Rarity squealed, bouncing in place. "I've never had to... go so much in my life!"

"It'll pass, soon enough." Twilight smiled, then asked, "Hey... where's Spike at? I haven't seen him all day."

Rarity ran into the outhouse with an unlady like-"Move bitch!"-before slamming the door shut. "Oh, Luna save me! Aaaaggh!"

Spike was never found but everyone soon forgot.

All thanks to Anon's cooking...

Anon sat, crouched in the barn, rubbing his hands together. "Hehehe~ Look at them run to the outhouses... like little... ponies... that need to shit." A few seconds, he sighed. "Fuck, I'm bored if I'm spending my time making ponies shit themselves with my totally awesome cooking skills." A shrug and he ventured back into the festival.

The End.