Author's Note
I made Twilight a princess here, even though the cover art is from A Canterlot Wedding, conveniently where Twilight's wings would be is blocked off so you can't tell
The Arrival of Cooler
KABOOM!
A planet exploded in space, having just been hit with a giant golden energy ball seconds earlier.
Cooler lowered his arm.
"That was a disappointment. Nothing of value on this planet. Salza! What's the next one?"
"Ze next planet contains a land of ponies you might be able to enslave," said Salza, the blue henchman with blonde hair and a French accent. "It's a land called... Equestria!"
The Mane 6 and Spike were going on a camping trip to Rainbow Falls. Rainbow Dash got the firewood, as usual, and they were just telling campfire stories - Fluttershy was hiding in her tent for it - when suddenly there was an explosion.
The Mane 6 looked out to see three humanoid figures. One had blue skin and blonde hair. One was brown and looked amphibian-like. One was bigger with dark green skin and long dark hair.
"Look, Salza!" said the green muscleman. "I found some ponies!"
"Excellent, Doore," said Salza. "Zey'll make great slaves for Cooler."
"Hey, what's the big idea?" said Rainbow Dash.
"Cooler's taking over your world!" said the brown amphibian in a high-pitched voice.
"If you surrender, you get to live as slaves," said Salza. "If you resist, you will be destroyed."
"We could destroy YOU!" said Rarity.
"Neiz, take her by ze tail," said Salza.
The brown amphibian flew directly at Rarity. Rainbow Dash flew directly at Neiz's head and kicked. Neiz's head retracted into his neck to dodge.
"What the hay?" said Rainbow Dash.
"Retractable head!" said Neiz as his head reappeared.
Rarity blasted Neiz aside with a magic beam. Doore picked her up by the head, with a finger around her horn so she could not use magic.
"This is my Can Opener!" said Doore. Rarity felt her body go numb.
But before she could experience much of what the Can Opener could do, Applejack kicked Doore as hard as she could. Doore went flying into a rock wall. A boulder fell from the wall directly on top of Doore, crushing him.
Neiz picked up Applejack by the tail and slammed her to the ground. Then Pinkie Pie blasted him with her party cannon. Neiz quickly recovered and electrified Pinkie.
"Haha! You're being electrocuted!" said Neiz.
Pinkie stretched her tail and wrapped it around Neiz's throat, transferring the electricity to him and electrocuting him. Neiz's fried body hit the ground.
"Zis won't be easy," said Salza.
"It will for me," came a voice. The ponies and Salza turned to see Cooler walk in. He was a purple humanoid with a long lizardlike tail.
"Who the hay are you?" said Rainbow Dash.
"I'm Cooler, the ruler of this universe. I will rule Equestria! I will fight the rainbow pony. She seems to be the most powerful. Salza, take the purple pony."
Salza shot an energy blast at Twilight. Twilight countered with a magic blast of her own, which overpowered Salza and vaporized him.
"So, she's powerful too," said Cooler. "I'll take you both on at once!"
"What about the rest of us?" said Pinkie Pie.
"You'll get your turn when I'm done with them."
"Ain't gonna happen!" said Applejack. "We're fightin' all at once!"
The Mane 6 jumped at Cooler, but he quickly shot finger beams to knock Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Fluttershy aside, which knocked Fluttershy out.
Cooler shot an energy blast at Twilight. Twilight entered another beam struggle with him, but he overpowered her, blasting her into a wall. Rainbow Dash flew circles around Cooler, but he whipped her away with his tail.
Twilight and Rainbow Dash recovered and flew into the air, Twilight shooting more blasts at Cooler. Cooler flew up after them.
"How can these guys fly without wings?" said Rainbow Dash.
"Many of us from other worlds can!" said Cooler.
They fought in the air for a while, and then Cooler hit Twilight with a Death Beam, sending her crashing to the ground, before whipping Rainbow Dash to the ground with his tail.
Cooler touched down on the ground and wrapped his tail around Rainbow Dash's throat. Rainbow Dash grabbed his tail with both her hooves.
"If you let go, your head will pop off like a champagne cork!" said Cooler.
CHOMP!
Cooler felt a sting on his tail. He looked to see Applejack biting his tail.
Rainbow Dash chuckled as she felt Cooler's grip loosen. "That pony loves biting tails!"
Applejack bit as hard as she could, but Cooler barely felt anything, for pony bites didn't hurt very much. Applejack spun Cooler around and threw him into a tree, which fell on top of him. Twilight quickly blasted Cooler, and then she and Applejack got clear as Rainbow Dash flew directly at him from above, causing a rainbow explosion on contact.
When the smoke cleared, Cooler stood up, wounded but still alive.
"So, you are a match for me... in this form!" he said. "But I have a form beyond this!"
Cooler transformed into a form that looked similar, but more spiky, with several horns on his head.
"Not very impressive!" said Rainbow Dash, and she flew at Cooler, but he whipped her aside with his tail.
Twilight shot her most powerful magic blast at Cooler, but he wasn't even affected, and punched her away.
Applejack kicked Cooler. He barely felt it, and kicked her away.
Pinkie ran over to Twilight and turned her tail like a handle, causing her to shoot lasers from her horn. They bounced harmlessly off Cooler. Cooler grabbed Pinkie by the tail and slammed her to the ground, knocking her out.
"With Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy unconscious, we can't use Rainbow Power!" said Twilight.
Rarity ran in front of Cooler and whipped her tail back and forth.
"Is this supposed to distract me?" said Cooler.
Applejack ran up to Cooler and kicked his shin. He hopped around on one foot.
"Why is it you can hurt me now?"
"Tail Whip lowers the enemy's defense," said Applejack.
"How do you know that?" said Cooler.
"Applejack knows everything there is to know about tails," said Rainbow Dash. "She took a tailology course once."
"Then she'll know what my tail can do!" said Cooler, who wrapped his tail around Rarity's throat. Applejack bit his tail, causing more pain this time, and forcing him to relinquish her. Cooler turned around to blast Applejack.
"NOT SO FAST!"
Fluttershy flew between Applejack and Cooler so that she was facing Cooler, and gave him the Stare! Cooler stood frozen, unable to move.
Rainbow Dash bit Cooler's tail and flew as fast as she could into the air. As soon as she was faster than the speed of sound, she did the Sonic Rainboom, causing a rainbow shockwave while leaving a rainbow trail behind her.
"LET ME GO THIS INSTANT!" said Cooler.
Rainbow Dash did not respond, nor did she listen to him. Once she was close enough to the sun, she came to a sudden stop and released Cooler, sending him flying straight into the sun.
Twilight, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Rarity waited for Rainbow Dash to return. Eventually, there was another Sonic Rainboom, and Rainbow Dash returned.
"Where's Cooler?" said Twilight.
"In Tartarus," said Rainbow Dash. "We won't have to worry about him again!"
Or would they?
It had been two weeks since the defeat of Cooler. The Mane 6 were in the Crystal Empire visiting Princess Cadance, Shining Armor, and Flurry Heart, when they suddenly looked up to see what looked like a giant moon getting closer.
"Luna raised the moon early today," said Applejack.
"That's no moon," said Twilight. "It's a space station!"
"Very perceptive," came a familiar voice.
"No way!" said Rainbow Dash.
"It can't be!" said Twilight.
They turned to see Cooler, in a metal form.
"But you're supposed to be dead!" said Twilight.
"I was, but fate saw fit to give me another chance!"
"How?"
"Never mind that. The Big Gete Star needs your energy to become more powerful!"
"Quickly! The Crystal Heart!" said Cadance.
Cooler raised a finger and shot a Death Beam at the Crystal Heart, knocking it aside. "Whatever that thing is, you will not use it on me!"
Cadance and Shining Armor shot magic blasts at him. One of Cadance's lasers hit his side, blowing a chunk out of it, but it healed.
"The Big Gete Star can detect any flaw in my new body and fix it," said Cooler, and he grabbed Shining Armor and Cadance by the tails. He threw them toward the Big Gete Star. Metal octopus tentacles extended from it and pulled the two ponies into it.
"What did you do to my brother and my sister in law?" said Twilight.
"They're still alive, but not for long, for their energy will be absorbed," said Cooler. He wrapped his tail around the Crystal Heart and threw it to the Big Gete Star as well.
"Let's get him!" said Rainbow Dash, and she flew at Cooler, plowing a hole through his stomach. Metal particles and wires flew from the gaping hole, which quickly healed up.
Cooler wrapped his tail around Rainbow Dash's throat, but Applejack bit his tail and tore it off. Cooler regenerated his tail.
Pinkie Pie took a stick of dynamite out of her tail, lit it, and threw it at Cooler, blowing a chunk out of him. He regenerated and ran at Pinkie, but Fluttershy tripped him with her tail and he fell down. As he stood back up, Twilight shot a powerful magic blast that disintegrated his top half. As he regenerated, Rarity started to whip her tail back and forth again. Cooler quickly grabbed her by the tail and threw her into Fluttershy, knocking them to the ground.
Then he noticed that Twilight, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie were keeping their distance, and there was no sign of Rainbow Dash.
The realization hit him the second before it was too late.
Rainbow Dash smashed into Cooler from above for the second time, and when the smoke cleared, nothing remained of him.
"Way to go Rainbow Dash!" said Pinkie Pie.
"Yay," said Fluttershy.
"Why did it seem that was easier than last time?" said Twilight.
Suddenly, Cooler reappeared. But not just one. A whole army of metal Coolers.
"It seems the flaw in my body was that I had just one," said Cooler. "Now I have a hundred."
"Quick! Rainbow Power!" said Twilight.
The Mane 6 activated Rainbow Power and blasted all the Coolers are once, destroying them.
"Now let's go rescue Shining Armor and Cadance," said Twilight, and the rainbowfied ponies flew toward the Big Gete Star.
Shining Armor and Cadance wandered a hall of the Big Gete Star, Cadance carrying the Crystal Heart, before they ran into a small robot.
"Your attention please," said the robot. "If you'll be so kind as to follow me, I'll begin chopping you up."
"What?" said Shining Armor.
"We need your energy to power the Big Gete Star," said the robot. "And Crystal Heart energy will do as well."
Suddenly a powerful magic blast hit the robot, destroying him. Shining Armor and Cadance turned to see Starlight Glimmer.
"I was here visiting Sunburst when I saw you two get thrown into the Big Gete Star, so I flew over here to get you out!"
The Mane 6 flew through the hallways of the Big Gete Star, until they found Shining Armor, Cadance, and Starlight.
"Thank Celestia we found you," said Twilight.
"We're all right, thanks to Starlight," said Cadance. Starlight blushed affectionately.
"You three get out of here with the Crystal Heart," said Twilight. "Starlight, if the Big Gete Star's tentacles try to catch you, destroy them."
"But what will you do?" said Starlight.
"We'll destroy the Big Gete Star," said Twilight. "Our Rainbow Power will protect us from the explosion if we can't get off in time!"
"Good luck," said Starlight. She turned toward Shining Armor and Cadance. "The way I came in isn't too far from here. Let's go."
As Starlight, Shining Armor, and Cadance left with the Crystal Heart, the Mane 6 continued to search the Big Gete Star.
"What exactly are we looking for?" said Rarity.
"Every space station has some sort of core or reactor," said Twilight. "We need to find it and destroy it. That will blow up the Big Gete Star."
Eventually, they found a fancy-looking door, and entered it. The room was all dark.
"Welcome to the core of the Big Gete Star," came Cooler's voice.
"Cooler!" said Rainbow Dash. "Where the hay are you?"
"I am all around you," said Cooler. "But what you're looking for is in front of you!"
The lights along the wall turned on, revealing a Cooler made entirely of wire, except for a fragment of his skin.
"When you threw me into the sun, all that remained of me was my brain and a fragment of my skin. I didn't know it at the time coz I was in a cage in Tartarus watching a horrible show about ponies that weren't nearly as cute as you."
Fluttershy, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash blushed out of flattery at being called cute.
"But then, my brain was absorbed by the Big Gete Star, bringing me back to life. It gave me the knowledge of the Big Gete Star as well. It started as a chip that drifted through space, absorbing space junk to become bigger, until it became an entire space station. Now I control the Big Gete Star, and I want to absorb as much energy as I can to become completely invincible!"
Without warning, metal cords suddenly wrapped around the Mane 6.
"You destroyed my entire army of Meta Coolers with that power. With energy like this, I'll be unstoppable!"
Cooler began absorbing their energy. They tried to blast Cooler, but their energy was absorbed before they could even release it.
"Mwahahahahaha! I am now more powerful than ever! I can take over any galaxy now!"
"What do we do now?" said Fluttershy.
"I don't know," said Twilight.
"We're supposed to be unstoppable in this form!" said Rainbow Dash. "Tirek was all-powerful and we wasted him easily!"
"Wait, that's it!" said Twilight.
"Do you have a plan?" said Rarity. "What shall we do?"
"Nothing at all! Do you feel any weaker, because I don't! Cooler's bitten off more than he can chew!"
"What's going on?" said Cooler. "Why aren't you running out of energy?"
"Because our power is infinite!" said Twilight.
Cooler began sparking with electricity.
"NO STOP!" said Cooler. "THAT'S MY LIMIT! I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE!"
The wires sparked with electricity as well, and soon Cooler couldn't absorb any more. Rays of light shone from him and he exploded in a flash of light. The metal wires released the Mane 6, who kept their Rainbow Power active as explosions appeared along the walls of the core chamber.
Back in the Crystal Empire, Cadance set the Crystal Heart back into place, then she, Shining Armor, and Starlight looked up as the Big Gete Star exploded.
"Do you think Twilight and her friends made it off?" said Starlight.
"With their Rainbow Power, an explosion like that couldn't even faze them!" said Shining Armor.
Sure enough, the Mane 6 flew over to them from the sky, and reassumed their original form.
A chip landed in front of them, all that remained of the Big Gete Star.
"This chip will absorb more space junk - or maybe other stuff - and become another Big Gete Star!" said Twilight.
Rainbow Dash stomped on the chip, crushing it. "No it won't! Heheh... it's kinda funny."
"What is?"
"The Big Gete Star was 80% space junk and 20% Cooler!"
Author's Note
Yeah, the whole story was written just for that joke at the end.
