The First Step Toward World Domination
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“Sweetie?” Rarity called up the stairs. “Are you up yet?”
“I'm up, Rarity...!” Sweetie the Dark and Dreadful readjusted her black cape, staring at herself in the mirror. “Today is the day,” she grinned at her reflection. Her mane was styled perfectly and her teeth were brushed free from the plaque of evil, and her cape flowed around her smoothly. It looked totally evil, and it rocked. Sweetie cleared her throat and gave a couple of experimental evil chuckles.
“Mwah-ha!” she threw up a hoof as she watched her reflection. “Mwah, ha ha... ha? No, that's not right,” she rubbed her chin, thinking. “Ha ha mwah ha ha!”
“Sweetie Belle, are you practicing your evil laugh again?” Rarity poked her head in through the bedroom door.
“Yes, I am!” Sweetie the Conqueror said proudly. “I've almost got the hang of it, Rares. I'm gonna be super evil!”
“I'm sure that you will,” she kissed the top of her head, making Sweetie stick out her tongue and ruffle her mane. She didn't need kisses. Evil overlords of the world didn't need gross sister kisses, they needed... evil stuff. Like maces. Could Sweetie even lift a mace? She'd have to try. But maces looked really heavy. She probably couldn't lift it in her hooves. Maybe she could get a tiny mace. But a really evil looking mace.
“Your mane is sticking up,” Rarity magicked a comb from the dresser and helped Sweetie brush her mane. “You don't want to go out all unsightly, do you?”
“Do I look scarier with a messy mane?” Sweetie the Super Evil asked, her voice cracking just a bit.
“Well, you certainly look scary with a messy mane to me,” she patted her head softly with a smile. “Are you sure you want to wear that old thing out in the heat? You'll get hot awfully fast.”
“It's fine, Rarity,” Sweetie insisted, taking a deep breath and looking at herself in the mirror. “Today is the day. Just you wait and see, Rares. I'm gonna take over the whole world!”
“Of course you will,” she patted her gently on the head again, walking back down the stairs. “Remember to brush your teeth after breakfast. I made hay waffles!”
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The world would have to wait, obviously, because even super duper evil overlords needed a healthy breakfast with a glass of milk. After she (evilly) demolished the (evil) hay waffles, Sweetie (evilly) cackled and marched out the door, holding her head high. She may have been defeated before, but this time she was prepared. She had been practicing magic and was growing stronger every day. It was only a matter of time before Ponyville – no, the whole world bowed to her will!
“Hiya, Sweetie!” Apple Bloom greeted her with a cheerful wave.
“Hi, Apple Bloom!” Sweetie bounded over to the filly wearing a saddlebag. “So, I've got a question for you.”
“What's with the cape?” the filly blinked at her. “Are ya really gonna wear that to the picnic?”
“The picnic was just a ruse!” Sweetie the Most Vile threw up her hoof in exasperation. “Come on, we need to go meet up with Scoots at the clubhouse. I have a proposal for you. An evil proposal!”
“Oh my gosh,” Apple Bloom blushed. “I didn't think you liked me that much.”
“No, not that kind of proposal!” Sweetie clapped her hoof to her forehead. “Let's just get to the clubhouse already!”
They got to the clubhouse already.
It really didn't take long, and Sweetie was marching with as much villainous swagger as she could. She walked with so much swagger that she almost fell over a couple times, and was barely caught at the last second by Apple Bloom. After that Sweetie decided that perhaps she would have to work on her evil swagger. It would be so much easier if there was a book or something on how to be properly evil. But for now, Sweetie would just have to wing it.
“So,” Sweetie clapped her hooves together eagerly as the Cutie Mark Crusaders were gathered in front of her. “Here's the deal. I'm taking over the world.”
“Cool,” Scootaloo said with a blank expression. “Did you bring the sandwiches?”
“Scoots, now is not the time to be thinking about food,” Sweetie grumbled. “I have a proposal for both of you... I need minions!”
“Why?” Apple Bloom stared at her.
“Because every evil world conqueror needs evil henchponies!” Sweetie cackled. Evilly. Mostly.
“Oh,” she said as if it were obvious. “Okay. Why didn't you just say so earlier?”
“Is there pay?” Scootaloo asked curiously.
“You get paid in the honor of serving Equestria's new dark overlord!” Sweetie crowed.
“Not worth it,” Scootaloo shrugged.
“I'll give you five bits.”
“... I'm in.”
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Sweetie the Terrible marched on Canterlot, feeling refreshed after their trip on the train. Scootaloo stretched her wings under her black cloak, staining her hooves.
“Did we have to paint my Cutie Mark Crusader cape?” Scootaloo grumbled.
“It's for the greater good,” Sweetie explained patiently. “Wait, I mean, the greater evil. Great evil, indeed!”
From the top of Canterlot castle, she could have almost sworn that she heard a familiar 'indeed!'
“We march!” Sweetie the Monstrous pointed sharply toward the castle, and Apple Bloom looked back and forth between them, readjusting her own black cloak.
“So, what?” Apple Bloom the Mostly Evil and Kind of Henchpony blinked at her. “We just gonna storm the castle?”
“That's the plan,” Sweetie said with a sort of wicked grin. “Take no prisoners!”
“Where would we even put prisoners?” Scootaloo frowned. “I don't wanna hurt nobody.”
“Okay, so maybe we take some prisoners,” Sweetie the Easily Confused shifted awkwardly. “But our main target is the princess herself. First, Canterlot. And then... the world!”
“Do we have to march on the whole world?” Apple Bloom whined. “Because my legs are already tired.”
“Oh, for crying out loud!” Sweetie the Squeaky squealed. “Just go already, minions! We have a castle to storm!”
They stormed the castle with as much ferocity as three little fillies could.
And by that, it is meant that they ran most of the way until they were out of breath, coming to a stop right in front of the massive doors of the castle. A single guard stood patiently beside the door, smiling at them.
“Hullo,” he waved cheerfully. “How are you today?”
“I – I mean, we,” Sweetie the Out of Breath gasped. “Are here – to take over – the castle!”
“Oh,” he shrugged, opening the door for them. “Okay. Have a nice day!”
“Thank you!” Appple Bloom waved to him as they passed.
“Ay Bee, don't thank them!” she grumbled. “You're a minion, you're supposed to be evil!”
“Oh, right,” Apple Bloom blinked before turning back to him. “Thank you!” she shouted again, adding an extra evil 'mwah-hah-hah' at the end. Sweetie facehoofed and continued regardless. She had a castle to conquer.
It didn't take them long to reach the throne room, as they marched at an (evil) pace. Sweetie tried very hard to throw open the doors dramatically, but this was extremely difficult, considering that the doors were very heavy. She instead settled on pushing the door open slightly with a grunt, her minions of super evil slipping in behind her.
“Princess Celestia!” Sweetie called as she approached the throne. “I am here to... to...”
There was nopony on the throne.
“Huh,” Apple Bloom shrugged. “Well, how 'bout that. Now what?”
“Well, where is she supposed to be?” Sweetie the Befuddled frowned. “Princesses are supposed to be on the throne. Where is she even at?”
“Yoo-hoo!”
Sweetie the Unending Evil glanced up to see Princess Celestia herself waving a wing at her, smiling widely.
“Ah-ha!” she crowed, jabbing a hoof at the princess. “At long last, my arch-nemesis!”
“It's very good to see you again, Sweetie Belle,” Celestia approached with a light canter. “I'm glad to see you brought your friends, too.”
“I'm a henchpony!” Apple Bloom said proudly. “Wanna see my evil cape?”
“It's very 'dark and brooding',” Celestia said kindly, and Apple Bloom beamed toothily up at her. Sweetie the Irritated cleared her throat loudly, looking at the princess.
“I am here – I mean, we are here,” she corrected herself as her voice cracked. “To take over Canterlot. And then, the whole world!”
“My, what an endeavor,” Celestia smiled at her. “Taking over the world seems like quite the job for just three fillies.”
“Well, I had a clone army that I was going to bring,” Sweetie grumbled. “It would have been super duper awesome and totally evil.”
“I'm certain that it would have been terrible,” Celestia had to fight back her giggles.
“Do we have to fight now?” Scootaloo shifted uncomfortably. “Because I throw a mean left hook, I don't wanna hurt anypony, they might explode if I punch 'em.”
“Well, you most definitely have your work cut out for you three,” Celestia ruffled her wings a little, standing a bit straighter. “Would you like to take a break and have some tea with us?”
“Absolutely not!” Sweetie the Probably Violent stamped a hoof against the floor. “There's no time for tea, we're talking world domination here!”
“My, you're absolutely right,” Celestia gave a mock sigh. “And I had so many cookies to go with the tea. I guess I'll just have to eat them all myself, then.”
Sweetie Belle frowned, shifting her totally super evil black cloak a bit.
“... Maybe we have time for one cookie.”
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Sweetie Belle ate an entire plate of cookies.
“Thanks again, Princess!” Apple Bloom waved back to her as they boarded the train back to Ponyville.
“I think that went well,” Scootaloo said proudly, punching the air a couple of times. “I went in there all gung-ho, and we got cookies for it!”
“This was an utter disaster,” Sweetie the Desparing clasped her head in her hooves as she sat on one of the train seats.
“Aww, it wasn't so bad,” Apple Bloom patted her on the shoulder (evilly, and with much malice, probably) “I mean, we got to hang out with the Princess herself and got free cookies. By the way Sweetie, you've got crumbs on your lips.”
Sweetie wiped her lips quickly, frowning.
“Okay,” she said determinedly. “Today might not have gone as planned. But tomorrow – tomorrow, then the real terror starts!” Sweetie steepled her hooves together in what was likely a very evil manner, giving her best wicked grin. “Tonight, Ponyville. And tomorrow, the world!”
“Eh, we'll get to it eventually,” Apple Bloom shrugged. “Black's not a bad color on me, though.”
“We'll totally conquer everything!” Sweetie the Wicked crowed. “Are you pondering what I'm pondering?”
“Um. I think so, Sweetie,” Scootaloo blinked. “But where are we going to get a duck and a hose at this hour?”
“Forget about that!” Sweetie Belle stumbled a little as the train tumbled along the tracks back home. “We're going to make Ponyville ours. And then, Canterlot. And then-”
“The world, yeah, yeah, we got it,” Scootaloo deadpanned. “Did you get any more of those cookies, Sweetie?”
“... Princess Celestia gave me a bag full of them.”
They discussed their mostly evil plans for world domination all the way home, and Sweetie was glad to have such great minions. Even if they weren't exactly minion material.
Still, it was nice.
Tomorrow, the world.
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Author's Note
Just something I thought I'd write in spare time.
