Court Jester

ACT 2 FINALE PART 1: The Long Months.

It has been months since I've been able to update this damn thing, so I guess I'm going to have to explain. It is now January. The first, to be exact. I have been working as a regulator for long enough to know that this is a dangerous job, but it was not until about two months ago that I got my first job from the crown.

I had awoken that slightly cold November morning. There was an icy feeling down my spine, even though the room was quite warm. Ventilation and all that. Anyway, I got up and performed my usual morning routine. Then, as I prepared myself for the day, I heard the breakfast bell. I hurried up and got my gun on, as well as my duster, which was warm instead of cool now.

I was kind of surprised how quickly climate changed out here in the dusty west, but it gets quite cold during the winter months. Not enough to snow, but about fifty degrees rather than eighty five. I certainly welcomed the change, as I am a cold weather kind of guy.

I began to exit the room, but I stopped to glance in the mirror I kept in my room. My eyes pierced through my own soul, and for a moment I almost swore I could see myself standing over a pile of bodies, cigarette between my lips, with a rifle in one hand and a sword in the other. I turned away, then looked again. Nope, just my imagination, I suppose. I decided to think about this later, and I hurried downstairs. As I rounded the corner into the kitchen, I noticed that they had already eaten. A slightly cold plate of food was left out for me. Thankfully, they have microwaves in Equestria.

After eating my slightly stale breakfast, I absently cleaned up the dishes, then headed outside to my forge. I let myself get lost in the work as I repaired and reforged various tools, kettles, dinnerware, and other such things. However, this stopped when I looked at the forge. I was not feeling like continuing this today. I grimaced as I doused the forge with water, then left to take a walk.

I walked under the shadow of red, glistening, and juicy apples. I could faintly see one of the ranch-hands working alongside the farmer's daughter. I smiled, remembering that one time I almost walked in on them. Young love... I soon frowned, putting my hands into my pockets as I returned to my rather grim thoughts. The forge reminded me of the incident, which it didn't do usually. I always had no problem working with controlled fire. It was always wilder fires that bothered me, the kind that random people go out and light in the desert because they think it won't do much.

Maybe it was because I knew I had power over the kind of fire that usually doesn't scare me. I wasn't too sure what to think anymore. In just about five or six years I had gone from a steady, fulfilling life, to a hellhole, and then to a wild adventure across ponyland.

I was caught unawares, in my reminiscing, so much so that when an outlaw of the pegasus variant leaped from the trees and fired off two shots, they actually hit me. I felt blood coming from my mouth as I fell to my knees, the last thing I had seen before the blackness consumed my vision was his piercing blue eyes and distinct black, wide-brimmed hat.

I tried to get up, weakly, but I failed. I looked around in a daze, trying to figure out where I was, but only finding more questions. I felt a straw being inserted into my mouth, so I drank the water. My vision began clearing up a little about a minute later, so I was able to see who had helped me. Turns out, a certain purple alicorn had come for a surprise visit regarding news about 'The Law in White.' Sadly for her, I had been nearly killed.

"How are you up so quickly? You had a burst lung and a burst kidney! Even with the magical healing provided, you shouldn't be awake yet!" The neurotic horse was beginning to panic, so I replied.

"Probably because the universe has a permanent vendetta 'gainst me. Doesn't want to kill me, but at the same time still wants me to suffer." She looked slightly annoyed and slightly horrified. It was quite funny. Reminded me of some of the weird looks I got when I first came to that backwater village named Ponyville.

"Well, now that you're up, do you mind answering some questions?" She smiled nervously, making a slight 'squee' noise. It was adorable, so I indulged the pony.

"Let me start from the beginning..." I recounted the story to her over about a four hour session of Q&A.

"Regulators haven't been officially employed in Equestria since the Age of Starswirl. According to what I know, regulators nowadays are glorified bounty hunters that use ancient badges passed down through their families, which technically makes it legal for them to hunt and kill bounty targets on Equestrian soil." She began reciting some more facts and stuff and compared what she knew.

A rather plump nurse pony ducked in. "Your highness, I'm afraid visiting hours are over." She politely and respectfully left with the nurse. I sighed as the door closed, getting up. I opened the drawer, picking up my gun. I pointed it toward the wall, then attempted to shoot. It clicked dry, as expected. Bastard had stolen my ammunition, but not my gun. I suppose that would've been expected, as he would have no use for a gun made by minotaurs, for minotaurs. I looked around the room, noticing the fact that the drawer had an obvious false bottom. I opened it up, finding the papers and other things from my home, including new boxes of ammunition, and my knife.

I began gearing up, my clothes and vest nearby. Apparently, I had forgotten to wear it that day. Almost as if it was premeditated. I looked over the papers, occasionally putting a hand on my chest. Some new ones were here, detailing the pegasus who had attacked me in the orchard. According to this, a train line had also been bombed and three ranches had been burned. In addition, several carriages had been robbed, and thirty had been killed in a tragic train derailment 'accident'.

Tensions between the local oil baron, who was suspected of criminal activities way back in 998, and the town, have led to several arrest warrants being placed on him. However, in a turn of events, several regulators have gone rogue and defended the baron, killing others as they attempted to come after him.

I grimaced. I have my work cut out for me.

I glanced over to my badge of office, before steeling myself. Celestia had intended for me to take this job. And no matter how hard it will be, I'll be ready to protect and serve, no matter the cost. It is all I have left.

To the town of Arid Basin, came a stranger one fine day.

He came walkin' in from the southside, slowly lookin' all around.

No one dared to ask his business, no one dared to make a slip.

For the biped there among them, had a big iron on his hip...

Big iron on his hip...