Lesser of two evils

by Kingunderdog

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Alternate Universe, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Dark, Rarity
Length: 5810

You are the eldest resident of ponyvile, everyone loves and respects you, even as you wage a phycological war against their princess in a decades long game of 4dimentional chess. Will your skills of manipulation ever outshine her's?

You are anon or as everyone in the grand city of ponyvile calls you 'uncle '. No no, you are not blood related to any of them its just that you've been around so long every pony has taken to thinking of you as family. And it only took around 50 years.

Oh yeah did I forget that you're immortal.

And plausibly a sociopath. Oh don't worry you're not the only one, behind the scenes even sun butts been up to some twisted shit for her own amusement.

Maybe insanity just came with immortality?.

Either way long story short you're locked in a game of four dimensional chess with a mad mare who's played the game a million times. One slip up and you can kiss your dreams of conquering it all goodbye.

No pressure

Published 2017-06-06 07:40:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-10-25 04:46:20 UTC

Not according to plan

Your old life wasn't perfect, you did nothing all too special in your opinion and honestly didn't care much about becoming rich or famous.

But then again you didn't really have much a choice in the whole becoming 'famous ' part when you first came to this crazy talking pony world that you now call home.

Week one was defiantly the hardest as you had been in complete denial the entire time until you finally broke down and excepted the it was all real and that it wasn't all a dream or a hallucination crafted by your mind.

Sure it was hard at first with you being the one and only of your kind here but eventually like everything else you learned to get use to it as the usually xenophobic ponies around you got use to your own presence and now treated you like one of them.

It wasn't easy at first with alot of the ponies being extremely bias towards you for both your look's and status as a meat eater ( cause you ain't giving up bacon for no body!) , you were truly thankful that other creatures who ate meat existed in this world, that way you could always pick up some quality meat at the market and at a cheap cost too.

Its Kinda awkward, the horrified looks you use to get when you first came here and didn't hesitate in devouring that roasted chicken you haggled off a Griffin food vender.

But like with all things time gave way to acceptance.

Cause you out lived most of the bigots.

Yeah funny thing, it seems this world has something call magic, REAL FUCKING MAGIC. And just like a plant with sunlight you absorb it like a sponge.

No this did not give you super power's.

Just eternal youth and regeneration .

Yup you heard me right, you don't age, if you did then no doubt you would be looking like someone well into their 90's by now as instead aside from the growth of your hair you look the exact same as the day you arrived in this world.

Scars never last, injuries reformed in minutes and you seemed to have a un natural immunity to all poison and toxins.

You found that out the first time you tried to kill yourself.

Hold on, no its not how you think. That was back when you still thought you were in a dream, at the time you thought that by killing yourself in the 'dream' you would wake up back home on earth.

So you jumped off a cliff into a pit of sharp rocks and snakes.

Practically immortal you my be yes, but immune to pain you certainly are not.

Three awful yet record breaking days in agonizing pain later you were back on your feet the same as before.

Only with ALOT of holes and blood stains on your clothes.

Now several decades later you're no longer fooling yourself that your going back home and moved to a quit little town way out in the valley near the boarders of Canterlot around 50 or so years ago to start over.

It was a little odd at first with how easy it was to win the towns ponies over, it seems that the earth ponies were far more understanding than the unicorns you met while living your first couple year's in Carterlot.

Back then those horned fuckers were openly and deliberately racist to not just you but everyone else who weren't purebred unicorns.

A. K. A. Inbred .

Truth was that behind closed doors there was A LOT of incest and it still is going on now in Noble blood lines in Canterlot and it showed in the ponies coloring.

If your pelt was white you were mostly a product of a genetic disorder caused by sharing too much similar DNA in your family tree.

Not many knew about this as it was usually a well kept secret amongst nobles but when you live as long as you, you tend to notice how common it seemed for cousins both close and distant here to end up making children together.

At least it was better than before, back then you had witnessed marriages between SIBLINGS go on without any pony in canterlot batting an eye to it.

It was only until your 14th year here did you stop feeling sick whenever a noble pony would brag that his children were of pure blood because they all can straight from his sisters and aunt.

Yeah this shit right here was beyond fucked up, so when you finally earned enough bits you moved to a better life here in Ponyvile.

Its honestly the best choice you've made since coming here actually, your a well respected member of the community and considered a unofficial member of the town council for just living here so long.

It did also help that as the only of your kind you naturally feel the need to be accepted by the ponies around you stop the near constant loneliness that use to haunt you, so around 40 years back you opened both the towns first public school to better educate the young foals that now we're responsible adults in ponyvile with everything you know from your world(that could aply to this world) and help build the homeless shelters and orphanage's in the town as your motto was engraved in all these buildings.

'everything needs a home'.

You knew personally how hard it was to live without a home, money or friends to rely on.

You may not die but starvation is a pain worse than death after 2 weeks of no food.

A whole month starved was what you personally knew was a living hell.

It was a horrible terrible lesson you were forced to lean on your early days here, you were shocked to see your earth money was no good here and getting a job was next to impossible in Canterlot outside of a lowly under paid servant to some rich Noble that saw you as... Exotic.

Your left eye twitched at the certain... Unpleasant memory.

Needless to say you didn't want anyone in your new community to go through what you had to in the past just to survive, especially the children.

Definitely never the children.

Speaking of which despite not being related to the ponies who where orphaned and grew up here in one of your orphanage had taken to calling you uncle.

It was defiantly not expected as you weren't trying to replace their families but it seems that with you being one of the oldest and well known member of the community ponies here in town just naturally took to you as being a part of the family..

Not gonna lie, it always did bring a tear to your eyes whenever you see a foal who's diaper's you use to change grow up into a respectable mare or stallion and on the flip side it broke your heart to see one of them become... Rotten .

Its rare but it happens, especially in quite towns like ponyvile but every now and then a bad apple would be born and he or she would be more than the average handful. Sometimes their parents just couldn't put up with them and send them to you in hopes you could straighten them out.

It was sadly becoming more common, especially in ponies during puberty. You've delt with everything from Colt's skipping school to do poison joke with their friends to fillies becoming sexually active far too early and thinking they knew better than you and their parents. Well that sort of behavior was usually remidied with a old fashion spanking.

Yeah turns out ponies are too soft to use violence to properly discipline their children. When you first started this method years ago you nearly had the royal guards called on you for 'abusing' foals but due to your connections within the guards (you baby sat half of them) you got to a chance to explain why using this method of LIGHT punisment was important for a unruly child's development and that the palm your hands were much softer than hooves so no real damage would be done to them outside of a stinging reminder to behave. After that and seeing the results ponies all over ponyvile never once douted you when time came to rear their children.

If they got bad grades.

Straight to uncle.

If they miss behaved

Straight to uncle.

If they didn't listen to their parents.

Uncle's gonna have to break out both hands.

Needless to say under your influence children obeyed.. Or else.

Not to say you are a buggy man to them, nope in fact more now a days than ever you are guilty of constantly spoiling the little bugger's. Each one them in your eye were your own children, even the rotten ones that you went harder on in punishments.

This is how every pony saw you. The loving strict but stern uncle that wouldn't hurt a fly out of anger and treated everyone fairly no matter who.

... Some of that was true.. But mostly.. False.

You did love these ponies. They were figuratively you're children after all and you'd do anything for them...

But you were hiding things.. Many things Darker than any thought possible of their dearest uncle.

In the back of your mind you knew the ponies of ponyvile where as close to children as you'd ever get. You didn't know if it was possible to.. Breed with a pony and make a blood family of your own so you didn't want to think about it and instead focused all you're effort in raising generations of ponies to fill in the growing gap in your chest every time you see a loving couple.

Lord knows porn stopped doing it for you years ago as you started finding yourself suddenly craving some of the mares to you raised into adult hood as they walked by without a care in the world complete naked as alway, tail's shifting side to side exposing their tight little-

NO!.

You were not going there , for fucks sakes you delivered some of these mares!.

Everything was great, you had an important role in a community you loved, everyone practically saw you as the go to village elder baring granny smith apple. You were a powerful figure here, undoubtedly more influential than the current mayor who you personally groomed from day one as a small naive filly to go into politics to make it easier for you to get any plans you wanted in this town done without hesitation.

Ponyvile was already a well known and prosperous town before you got here, but now 50 years later it was expanding more and more into a large city under your behind the scenes instructions.

The ponies were happy, no one lived on the streets begging, ponies took care of one another and tribalism didn't exist as far as they were concerned.

You've spent over a life time creating what that lazy horse Celestia never could, a perfect society, one where status and race didn't matter like it did so rampantly in her capital city.

You couldnt mess this up.

You played the loving uncle act for faaar too long to let yourself slip up now, you still needed more time before you could let any cracks in your mask show, you needed to expand the city even further.

This was your current project, expand the city to the point it could function as its own independent nation, you've spent decades planning this, all the paper work and required documents were there all in order for the change in nationality, all that was left was to require the nessisary land in order to qualify as our own saverign country.

You had already taken as much land legally as you could from the cities and towns in the west and south such as using the local funds as bribes and political connections you've had your 'children' making over the years for this purpose . The way you saw it now you had three ways to get more land under your grasp.

Option 1, use the blackmail materials you've had your most loyal 'children ' have gathered against the polical figures of other cities to forcibly hand over more land even at the risk of converting their cities entirely, but that would no doubt bring massive back lash and you can't risk princess lard ass catching wind of your plans now after a life time of careful planning.

Option 2, storm in and conquer the ever free Forrest.

This was and idea you had been plan for the last 15 years, the everfree was dangerous to be sure , you yourself had spent 5 year exploring it draw up detailed maps of it for a full on take over.

You were not foolish enough to think going in with the average soft hearted citizen would be a good idea of course. Your had... Professionals for that.

It started out as you suggesting to the council during a meeting to build a town militia, just a simple group of fit ponies to help guard the town from any monster or two that crawled out of those god forsaken wood's.

A way to defend themselves without relying too much on the royal guards, that we'd be the first city in Equestria to have its own enforcements of 'protectors' you said choosing you're words very carefully.

No one argued at the thought of having ponies trained to keep the city safe and without even a shred of doubt every pony in the council instantly went along with your idea.

It was hard not to smirk when they handed you a list of the dozens of stallions that's had already signed up for it the next day.

It was supposed to be light hearted like a neighborhood watch, they probably came in on the first day thinking it was nothing too serious, some even saw it as just a way to look cool to some filly they were trying to impress.

How wrong they were.

Using your connections you acquired the assistance of several ex-royal guards with very Sketchy pasts that in one way or another had to be removed from duty.

You didn't really care if they were basically this worlds equivalent of dirty cops, all that mattered was that they had years of experience under their belt with next to no loyalty to the royal family after being discharged from duty.

It was almost child's play to get them to couch and train the militia in every forms of military combat the ex-guards had to offer.

I mean what other choice did they have?, once your booted out of the royal guards for miss orderly conduct or corruption (that didn't involve nobles) your life was basically over, a permanent stain was placed on your name and you'd be hard pressed to ever find stable work again much less in a military setting.

This is why you and your 'protectors' were considered a fallen guards second chance, you gladly took in any stallion or mare who celestia no longer wanted on her guard for one reason or another.

All it took was just to stur on their growing resentment for being discarded for you to motivate them to train your growing army as strong as they could in the last 15 years.

Many complained and said the training was too harsh even by royal guard standards but the council under your suttle influence ignored their complaints and doubled down on the intensity of the training.

You didn't let them know it was you who pland it of course, you always played yourself off to the public as the one and only council member against any of the hard discissions that the ponies didn't like.

Constantly twisting words, shifting blame towards others who you would then manipulate them into feeling guilt making them follow you out of fear of loosing your support in the council once the others deserted and turn against them for problems you created.

No pony knew that you were the one slowly increasing the training, increasing the funds on weapons and steadily dulling their sense of mortality by switching from practicing fighting against monster's to practicing how to fight other ponies.

You found a way to cut off their instinctual prey instincts to run away and cower in fear by steadily over a course of months mixing drops of diluted chicken blood in their drinking water.

Oh no this wasn't toxic to them,quite the contrary, it turns out that pony in this world COULD digest meat if they some how managed to swallow it down but it always gave them serious physical and phycological effects such as vomiting or in rare cases made them Farrel.

In the early days from testing on lesser creatures than your children such as deer you found out that the blood itself of animals could boost the physical capabilities in herbaviors if diluted enough without suffering from the side effects then eventually they will grow use to it and crave meat itself.

You always smirked whenever the local griffin who made a living providing you with meat as her father and grand father did before her would scratch her head in confusion as a line of stallions in guard uniforms would show up at her stall with bags of bits in hand.

Your private army of omnivore's grow stronger by the year. But you still worried they weren't strong enough to conquer ever free without too many casualties.

Despite being flesh eating monsters that were more predators than herbivores at this point they were still your loving 'son's.

It Did help that they were the only ponies who you could barbeque with without getting odd looks, now that was some quality bonding.

Now more than ever as the years went by and their cravings for meat started to show, you were the only one in the community that they could relate to and defend to the rest of the city that they weren't bad.

Just different.

More terrifying than bad ponies that only drank blood not full blown meat sure, but defiantly not evil, they were basically just your average pony at heart you would always say.

On the inside you'd smirk as they ponies agreed and just assumed that this... Change was just symptom of living so close to the 'cursed' ever free Forrest for so long.

It was a false rumor that you had spread, saying that pollen from the poison jokes mixed with negativity of the Forrest turns ponies who go in their into meat eaters.

A bowl faced lie. But considering you have their faith and trust they believed your words one hundred percent without needing much evidences.

And finally was Option 3.

But it was just plain unacceptable .

Ask the princess for more land.

It definitely had some marites, you had some of you unicorn 'daughters' marry into the nobility of canterlot specifically to help sway new laws and courts to your favor, its was one of the main reasons the economy was so booming despite our growing size, the taxes the city had were ridiculously low in comparison to cities half their size.

With this suttle yet strong influence it should be easy to persuade the royal day court to bestow them more land, but there was one problem.

That would mean bowing your head to her.

Making your children bow their heads to her, to grovel at her hooves begging for what should be rightfully theirs for just being born on this world. And she would just look down at them with that fake smile of her's, the one he knew all too well and shoot down their hopes with some horse shit life 'lesson'.

Its what she always did, pretend to be nurturing and loving behind a motherly smile but then grin like a madmare behind closed doors stuffing herself with expensive cake and chocolate.

You have done things in this world you are not proud of, you would admit to yourself the actions you have done to get to this point weren't justified entirely by your good intentions. You had been manipulating and on some cases warping the ponies that loved you for decades.

But this horse had been doing it at a far worse extent with a grin on her faces for over a thousand years.

The wicked bitch had even convinced them that she controlled the sun and moon, but the truth was that at the very tip of the royal family was that this was a lie.

A well crafted lie to dominate not just the ponies but to intimidate all other countries in the world.

Mess with me and the sun goes out.

The ultimate bluff.

You were clearly the lesser evil.

As you sit at your desk thinking of all this you finally notice the loud banging at the door. You scowled for a moment grumbling about you making it clear hours ago to the guards you had stationed around your specific neighborhood that you didn't want anyone disturbing you tonight, Sunday nights we're the only time you could take off your mask and act like your genuine miserable self and spend the night plotting and drinking.

Getting up you forced of you mask as loving uncle and open the front door expecting one of your children to just be wishing you good night or something else that trivial.

But what you did expect was a purple unicorn you had never seen before (and you know ALL of them) stand out side of your door with a baby dragon riding her back. "Hello sir, my name is twilight sparkle and before we start i'd just like to say even though it wasn't what I planned for I am still looking forward to making this partnership work under the best of my abilities" she said with a smile that looked awkward as if she was just reading off a script, even the small dragon riding her face palmed.

You having no clue what the hell she talking about asked her politely to explain.

As always your false kindness does the trick as this twilight sparkle brightens a bit and used her magic to pull a parchment out of her satchel and hand it to you.

You were fluent in most languages here by now and could easily get a degree in equestrian literature if you wanted but you had to read the letter over 6 times in order to believe what you were reading.

That twisted bitch.

Dear human
It has come to my attention that you have over the years gone from being seen as a outsider to one of the most beloved members of your rather large community.

Much bigger than it ever was before your presences.. Interesting.

As such I have sent my most loyal student tasked with learning the value of friendship in your city, as one of the eldest and most respected member of your community I request you please allow my student and her pet refuge in your home while she learns.

You will be well compensated.

Adequate payments for her and her pets stay will be paid every months along with the occasional visit from yours truly to check up on my student.

Thank you for your time and understanding mister human, from...

Your ruler.

It took all of your strength not to crack, not to rip the paper up in piece and then lit it on fire, not to scream as I lead the unicorn and dragon into YOUR home and stand perfectly still with a pleasant smile on your face as they walked around and touched everything like they owned the place.

Your mind at the moment was a fog of hate as your veins hurt from how much your blood boiled. You repeated the letter over and over again in your head and without a doubt you understood the Alicorns true intentions.

You clenched your fist tight.

She was on to you.

Chapter 2

It's not everyday you find yourself wanting more than ever to kick a purple pony out of your home anywhere near as much as you did now watch the student of that damn horse Celestia use her magic to rearrange your home like she owned that damn place.

Wait no, that wasn't true. There was still the time raspberry punch had tried to sneak off a few bottles of your favorite whiskey when you were baby sitting her as a favor to her parents.

You definitely had your buttons pushed taking care of that troubled teen back then,one of your former bad apples that one, always causing problems and drinking more than her body weight should allow.
But hey, on the bright side that day she did finally found her special talent.
Not dying from extreme alcohol intoxication.

No joke, you thank's to your "magic sponge " ability making you have a extremely strong resistance to all forms of toxins and poisons, regular cider just doesn't cut it for you.

The level of alchohal content you needed in your drinks just to get a light buzz would probably kill 5 Russian men and a grizzly bear.

Definitely not something you'd expect a 14 year old filly to polish off several of and still be alive to ask for more while heavily drunk.
That day was easily the hardest spanking you had ever given while being in this world.
That same itch to smack another pony bottom was creeping up on you more and more as the little purple unicorn kept on her marry way ruffling through your stuff with her pet dragon by her side, Who had seem to have gone a head in raiding your fridge and chowing down on some of the donuts you saved as a midnight snack.
Twilight using her magic held a clipboard and pen (one of many inventions in this world that were secretly inspired by you) and seemed to write down every new thing she saw with a look of glee on her face as she observed things in your home that a obvious science nerd like her would find fascinating.

Like one of your old shoe's. One of the few things you still had on you from when you first came to this world, it was clearly wore down after more than 70 years of being your prime foot wear but seems it along with my original pair of clothes all had a the same self-restore ability my body had.
The color was faded and it smelled to high heaven but it held together solid.

She was practically writing down and entire page just on how odd it was for somepony to choose to wear a form of clothing for there feet.

Oh and the questions, the endless fucking questions!.

She didn't waste time in telling you she had a interest in you as a one of a kind rare species of highly evolved monkey (Celestia's words not hers) and had spent a good portion of the night throwing you question after question with her pet dragon taking back up notes of everything you said.
On the surface she was clearly just another researcher who was just curious of you and your origins.

This was nothing new of course as you had been seeked out several times in the past decades by scientists who found you to be a great specimen to study and put in their thesis on alien life off their world.

You knew for a fact you had a few fictional stories in libraries around equestria base off you and your descriptions of your world and people.

You had told them you came from a wonderious world of modern creations where all sorts of advanced technology, art, literature and adventure happened that boggles the mind, truly a world of pure imagination crafted by a proud race known as humans.

All false statements, half truths and straight up bullshit lies by the way.

What?, you didn't really think you were gonna tell these ponies you were a part of a race of back stabbers and morally corrupt sociopaths did you?.

Hah!, knowing how these ponies react to anything remotely negative you'd be lucky if you got sentenced to being petrified in solid stone if you told them the truth about your people's history.

Even you can barley control yourself, you know just how much political power you wield and could have any thing or even any mare in the city you wanted with very little convincing (not that you would dare try anything with your children).

The greed of your species, the very drive to rule, dominate and control everything around you by any means flows hard within your veins.

The very idea that you were somehow a better person to be the leader if this new world was a very flimsy statement, which is why you hide it all.

You for the most part have hidden all your sinister traits that come with being human and for years stuffed them all deep away behind the well crafted mask that is your "uncle" persona, it was necessary.

Extremely so,when you first came here you were scared, helpless and left with no allies or familiar comforts like a home or protection.

In those years of endless suffering you had broken down completely and seeked sanctuary in a dream, at first it was a hopeless fantasy that did nothing but keep your spirits going while you counted the days going by, but as time wen by you started gaining a drive to seek it out as the perfect goal.

Become the one.

The one true ruler, the one who would use his greed as a human to scrap and bide his time one inch after another towards power until making it to the very top where he would claim his throne and kick the kingdoms current ruler down to where she and her Nobel class belong!.

In the cold dirty gutters wollowing in their own filth lower than rats begging for scraps.
Where you once were.

Soon, you could feel it, in your bones. Soon you will claim it, all of it and rule like the malevolent King your children deserve!.
soon you will -
Suddenly there's a book floating in front of your face.

Wah?

"WHERE did you get this!!? " the purple unicorn screeched practically buzzing with excitement for s moment only to freeze in her tracks suddenly with a embarrassed flush on her face.

"Eh hem, I mean, where exactly did you acquire such a book Mr. Human" she said in a more calm and mannered tone much more fitting for a high class unicorn raised in canterlot.

It may of worked to make her seem more professional if she hadn't just acted like foal on hearts warming day.

And over what it just a dusty old book that you had laying around that you found while explorering the old castle ruins in the everfree forest a couple years back. by now you had already picked that old castle clean of anything worth scavenging and that book along with many others was just one of the few junk you couldn't make a profit off in auctions so you choose to keep it on your night stand.

Wait.. Was this bitch just snooping in your room?!.

Snatching the book out of the air you tell her with kindest apologetic voice you could fake that it was gift from a friend and that you had no clue of its origin or even content as it was written in a long dead languages.

Which was basically just really realy old school Victorian English, something that was very odd for you to find as you knew for a fact that equastrian languages had no similarities with human letter characters at all.

You had already read some of the book, just a couple entries but saw nothing important on it. within was just the dairy of some probably long dead mare with a obvious inferiority complex over her older sister.

The first few paragraphs were filled with silly little complaints about her sister always having the attention of all of equestria all to herself leaving the auther in behind he shadow constantly forgotten to time.
You remember rolling your eyes after reading that.

Seems mares were even bigger drama queens back then a thousand years than they are now.

The owner never wrote down their name but the initials on the cover were P. L.
probably just the name of some servant girl that worked in the old castle years ago. Poor dear probably died of old age still despising whoever her sister is.

Why'd you think that?, well you good bored after the first few paragraphs and just skipped to the very end of the dairy where the very last entrie date and read in big blue markings that were.... Unsettling to say the least.

Thou took it!, thou stole all we had sister!, all we had!!, was our kinds love not enough?. you dare try to take my moon as well!!..

Unforgivable, unforgivable, UNFORGIVABLE!!...

WE HOPE THE BURNS SISTER!! !, WE HOPE THE BURNS!!.

Yah you had a hard time believing things worked out in the end between them.
Oh look now this purple bitch had started unpacking her stuff.

In your bed room.

I took all I had not to whip out the old plot spanking arm when said "its a lot smaller than I'm use to but I guess this will do right spike? ".

Said dragon just nodded as he took to the other side of YOUR bed and laid down on it getting donut crumbs all over it.

"Well thanks again for acomidating us sir, will try not to be too much of hoofful while we're under your care" twight said to him standing at the entrance to YOUR room, "I'd like to have early start in the morning with my friendship lessons so spike and i plan to get some shut eye now, good night, oh and spike snores sometimes so if you hear something that sounds of construction noise tonight its just him okay"

An with the the unicorn closed the door locking you out of your own bedroom and left you spasming with rage at the door step.

Blood even started running down your nose for a moment due to how much anger your mind was suppressing.
On the outside you looked calm and calculated.

On the inside you felt like you we're gonna spontaneously combust