After walking by the shiny display behind the window for weeks, Nelly decided that enough was enough. She was going to get one of the fancy PerDi wearable computers. Those fake gym bunnies had flashed theirs around like they were so fancy for long enough. And anyway, she deserved it.
The salespony in the store looked up as she lumbered in. His eyes widened slightly, and he glanced away. “What can I do for you?”
“I want a PerDi.”
“Personal digital assistants have been selling really well lately,” the salespony said. “I swear, some ponies think they’re better than having friends.”
He laid the catalog out in front of her. “What kind do you want?” There were a few dozen different models, all with different colors, band designs, and apparently voices.
Nelly’s eyes nearly bugged out at the price. “A thousand bits?!”
“Well, we do have a few cheaper ones.” The salespony smugly turned the page. The next group of PerDis were much blander. The features were fewer. Nelly’s face continued to fall, all the way to the last one on the page. It was called Gizmo, and it was only one hundred bits.
“That one.”
“Are you sure?” the salespony asked. “It’s not really a-”
“I’ll take it,” Nelly insisted.
“Okay.” The salespony shrugged and went into the back room. He came back a few minutes later with a small cardboard box featuring the device on the front.
Nelly paid him and pranced out of the store, nearly knocking over a skinny nerd. She opened the box immediately, discovering a slim plastic device fastened to a watch band.
She felt immediately cheated. It didn’t look nearly as impressive as the picture in the catalogue. She turned it over, trying to work out how to operate it. She even resorted to checking the box for the owner’s manual, but there didn’t seem to be one.
“Well this is bull pucky,” she muttered. “How is this thing supposed to work?”
“I already am,” said the PerDi in a mild male voice. “My name is Gizmo. Just tell me what you want to do.”
“What? You can talk?” Nelly leaned forward, as if that would better help her believe that a small electronic device was speaking to her.
“I am your personal digital assistant. I have no other way to communicate with you.”
“And I just tell you want I want to do?”
“That’s right. I’ll do anything I can. You can ask me questions or I can keep track of things for you.”
Nelly paused. “What’s the capital of Griffonstone?”
“Also Griffonstone.”
“That was an easy one. Where’s the nearest Hayburger?” Nelly challenged.
“Just a moment.” Gizmo paused for several seconds. “Two blocks to Saddle Street, then take a left. It’ll be three more blocks down.”
Nelly already knew the answer, because she knew the location of every Hayburger in Canterlot. Gizmo was right.
“That’s amazing!”
“This is what I do,” said Gizmo.
“Wow, I’m glad I didn’t buy the expensive one,” said Nelly. “And to think, I got you for a hundred bits!”
“Th-they’re selling me for a hundred bits?” Gizmo fumbled. “Well, it looks like you got a good deal.”
“Thanks.” Nelly smiled and strapped the PerDi around her fetlock. She decided to go to Hayburger.
Two burgers and two fries, plus a large cola made for a nice lunch. While she ate, Nelly said, “Gizmo, what’s better than a Hayburger special with extra sauce?”
“That depends on what you mean,” Gizmo replied. “I could look up a restaurant guide for you. Or were you speaking in general?”
“Oh, totally the restaurant guide,” said Nelly. “I don’t know what I’m doing for dinner yet.”
Before dinner, though, Nelly was headed to the gym. After properly fueling up at Hayburger, she went to LiftLots. It was convenient to her place, and she was a regular.
A skinny nerd wearing a headset opened the door for her and Nelly stepped into the gym. It was a fairly typical place of its ilk, with machines and heavy things and sweat. Nelly was here to train.
Wrestling was a difficult sport to train for because it required another somepony to hold practice matches. Even though LiftLots was her favorite gym, there weren’t many ponies willing - or able - to face her. Sometimes Nelly thought that it almost wasn’t worth it wrestling in the top heavyweight class.
Still though, she could work on general strength and dexterity. Maybe Strider Glider was working today. Looking around for him, though, Nelly didn’t see him.
“I wonder where Strider is today,” she murmured aloud.
“Strider Glider is with another customer,” said Gizmo. “Bulk Biceps is free, though.”
“Aww, I don’t want to work with him,” said Nelly. “He’s such a figure snob. It’s always ‘You gotta cut up or shut up! Yeah!’ with him.”
“He’s over at the freeweights,” said Gizmo.
Sure enough, Nelly found him there. Despite her reluctance, she knew he was one of the few capable of spotting her presses.
He waved hello and promptly said, “Are you ready to start tightening up, Nelly?”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m an inertia specialist. Plus, we both know I need energy.”
“I’m just saying…” Bulk flexed impressively.
If Nelly had his body fat percentage, she could have put him to shame. As it was, she shamed him by lifting him by the foreleg pits and positioning him behind the bench press.
Lying down, she said, “Gizmo, count the reps.”
“What’s this?” Bulk said, as Gizmo’s voice began numbering Nelly’s workout.
“It’s one of those new digital assistants,” grunted Nelly. She did five reps and then got up to add more weight.
Three mares wearing lots of spandex came over. Their names were Saccharine Sweet, Anise Aspartame, and Splenda Sugar. They were pink, blue, and yellow, respectively. Of course, their outfits were coordinated.
The three of them were angling for Bulk. They certainly weren’t there for Nelly. It wouldn’t have been so bad if they weren’t distracting him from spotting.
“Do you mind?” said Nelly.
“Oh, it’s her,” said Saccharine, wrinkling her nose.
Nelly racked the bar and climbed out from under it. She loomed over the three of them.
It wasn’t that she intended to be intimidating, she was just somepony who naturally always loomed like a frigate out of a fogbank.
“So what are you doing today?” said Aspartame. “Immovable object meets unstoppable force?”
“I’m not an immovable object,” Nelly protested. She mentally wished she could have come up with something better. Much better.
“Hey, did you get a PerDi?” asked Splenda. She scoffed. “It looks so plain. It suits you.”
“It’s top of the line,” Nelly insisted. “Show them, Gizmo.”
“Hello,” said Gizmo. “I’m Gizmo.”
“Big deal,” said Saccharine, showing off the chrome device on her foreleg. “My PD-1000 does that.”
“Hello,” said the PD-1000. “I’m PD-1000.” The LCD screen flashed the same message.
“Yes, but the PD-1000 model has just got phrases recorded,” said Gizmo. “Barely any processing power and no algorithms to actually understand you.”
“What, and you aren’t?” said Aspartame.
“Well, aside from the fact that you’re arguing with a small electronic device, I do happen to be the best personal assistant on the market today,” said Gizmo. “Most can’t process simple logic bombs. Let me demonstrate. PD-1000, this statement is a lie.”
PD-1000 was silent for a moment, before stuttering “E-e-e-rror!” A small puff of smoke came out.
The three mares stared in horror for a moment.
Splenda turned back to Nelly. “Well, you’re still fat!”
“She’s also the only one who won’t freeze to death because of body heat loss,” said Gizmo. “It’s the insulation factor, of course, but also a matter of volume over surface area. I’d explain it, but I don’t think this is an audience that would even understand ‘Pi r squared.’”
“But pie is not square. Pie is round,” said Nelly. “Cornbread is square.”
Gizmo was the only one who laughed. And honestly, he was the only one Nelly cared about.
Over the coming weeks, Nelly’s training flew by. Gizmo suggested new food options and training regimens. Figuring he knew what he was doing, Nelly followed the advice. Occasionally, a skinny nerd wearing a headset would bring her a protein shake or something. Nelly didn’t know who he was, but figured Gizmo had coordinated it.
She was lifting, curling, and pressing more than ever before. She’d actually gained a little speed and dexterity. Nelly was thrilled. She was in the best shape of her life, and the Canterlot Wrestling Club’s biggest annual match was just around the corner.
And she had Gizmo to thank for it.
“I don’t know what I would do without you,” she said, getting ready for one last gym session before the big match.
“I enjoy spending time with you,” said Gizmo.
“Well, it’s not like you can exactly say no,” she said, shaking her fetlock for emphasis. “Still, though, I really appreciate it, even if you are just a computer.”
Gizmo seemed strangely silent, but Nelly figured he just needed to recharge or something.
She did take the day before the match off to relax and recharge herself. She made sure to eat her pre-exertion carbs at a delightful little donut shop Gizmo had discovered.
“I have to say, Gizmo,” Nelly said through the two jelly donuts she had just stuffed in her mouth. “I really think I’ve got a chance at the title this year. Having you around has helped my workout, my energy, my motivation, and I think even my self-confidence.”
Of course, with her mouth full, Gizmo was the only one who had a hope of understanding her. He said, “So what’s next?”
“I dunno. Making friends is popular, right? That’s what everypony’s talking about these days.”
“Well...I’m your friend.”
“Huh, I guess I never considered it that way.” Nelly shrugged. “I guess that makes sense, though if I keep talking to you candidly in public, ponies will think I’m weird.”
On the other side of the counter, Donut Joe glanced up, and then quickly back down. His reaction was hardly unique, but Nelly had been so distracted with Gizmo lately, that she’d stopped noticing the looks ponies gave her. He really had been good for her self-confidence.
On the day of the match, Gizmo woke Nelly up and suggested breakfast. He reminded her of directions to the stadium and wished her good luck when she entered.
The PerDi devices were so new that there weren’t yet restrictions on when they could be worn. Nelly decided to keep Gizmo on, for luck.
The all-day event would test the best wrestlers in Equestria. Nelly drew for a number and was assigned to a place in the bracket. She had to keep winning to stay in. There were four rounds ahead.
She got lucky in her first match. Her opponent apparently had decided to enter despite being underweight. Nelly made the takedown in thirty seconds, saving her energy for the next round.
“That was good,” Gizmo coached. “We know you’re an inertia wrestler, so try saving as much endurance as you can. It’ll be a long tournament.”
Nelly was up again half an hour later. This time, her opponent had also won once before. Both of them drove forward at the first sound of the whistle.
The match was back and forth for several minutes. Each of them made points, but neither could seal the deal until Nelly finally managed to shove the other wrestler across the line on the mat.
Pleased with herself, Nelly sat down to rest before the next match. The resting time was cut in half, however, because the bracket had already eliminated so many. In the last minute before the third round, Gizmo provided some valuable information. “This next one got their right foreleg tweaked pretty hard in the first match. They might be favoring it a little.”
“Good to know.” Nelly got up and headed into the ring.
Even being slightly injured, this next wrestler was one of the hardest matches Nelly had ever contested. There was a reason they’d managed to keep going despite their injury. However, after several minutes of grappling and lots of sweat spilled, their hold on Nelly slipped and she quickly reversed for the pin.
Gizmo had cautioned her to save her energy, but the last match had nearly drained it. Nelly sat down, breathing hard and dripping sweat. A skinny nerd wearing a headset gave her a refreshing beverage.
In only a moment, though, it was time for the final. Swaying slightly and covered in sweat, Nelly headed for the ring.
“Good luck!” said Gizmo. The ref blew the whistle.
This match was, if anything, even more difficult than the last. It was all Nelly could do to stay upright, and sometimes she didn’t even manage that. She and her opponent went back and forth, Nelly usually the one to give up ground.
She was just thinking how nice it would be to accept the second place prize when there was a sizzle and a few sparks flew out of the speaker on her fetlock. “Gizmo?”
There was no reply. To her horror, Nelly realized the dripping sweat must have shorted his electronics.
She almost didn’t feel the hooves that seized her while she was distracted and slammed her to the mat. But her anger at losing Gizmo flared brighter than any pain. New energy boiled through her. It was part revenge, and part desire to see Gizmo’s help not go to waste.
With energy she didn’t know she had and her opponent certainly hadn’t expected, Nelly spun out of the attempted pin and gained the upper hoof. She threw her opponent into a full spinning suplex that sent them crashing down to the mat. The match was hers!
But at what cost? Nelly cradled the small electronic box in her hooves. “Gizmo...no...you can’t be dead! I-I loved you!”
“Well, this is...kind of awkward, but at least I’m not actually dead.”
Nelly blinked and looked around. It was the skinny nerd wearing a headset. “What…?”
He rubbed the back of his head. “Yeah, um, I thought I was taking a customer service job, but instead I just sat with a radio and handled anything you needed.” He pointed to the ruined device. “That’s why that thing was so cheap. It wasn’t a computer, it was me with a radio.”
Nelly looked at him. “So you’re the real Gizmo?”
He nodded. “Yes. It’s kind of strange, this started out as business, but I think that we actually got to know each other better because neither of us expected any sort of social contact.”
Nelly flushed. “I haven’t told real ponies half the things I’ve told you. Er, not that you aren’t real, but I didn’t think so at the time.”
“I talked to you more than anypony else, pretty much in my whole life,” Gizmo admitted. “And that’s really saying something. Neither of us are exactly social butterflies.”
“We have spent a lot of time together,” said Nelly. “I really enjoyed it.”
Gizmo swallowed, his eyes darting around behind his glasses, before finally working up the courage to face her again. “And, I think I love you too.”
Nelly didn’t know what made her say the off-the-cuff remark, but she realized she meant it just as much as he did. They both moved forward into the embrace. Nelly was long out of practice at gentle touches, but found that it came naturally.
“Sorry to break this up,” said the ref, “and congratulations on the win, ma’am, but we need to clear the mat.”
“Sure,” said Nelly. She smiled and picked Gizmo up. “Let’s get out of here.”
Author's Note
Written as part of Jake The Army Guy's Horse Words Extravaganza. The theme was obscure shipping.
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