The Cheesiest Chapter Ever
Drip. Drip.
The stuffy alicorn of weak and powerlessness turned and tossed around like a little filly. She groaned as she stirred, unable to find comfort, even in the enormous bed, of which she was completely undeserving.
Drip. Drip.
Princess Twilight opened an eye, which wearily glanced around for the sound that was daring enough to disrupt the sleep of her highness. After a moment of searching, she began to drift back to her perfect little world of sleep when she heard it again.
Drip. Drip.
Princess Twilight sat up, her wings unfurling as she looked around, her eyebrows narrowed. Her bedroom, however, held no suspects for the dreadful noise that had awoken her. And so, she crawled out of bed and past the bookcases, writing desk, and other egghead accessories she felt she needed, and stepped out into the hall.
Drip. Drip.
There it was again—strange droplets that echoed through the castle that sent a chill through that scared little princess coat of hers. Twilight glanced up, blinking at the ceiling, before she shook her head and continued onward. Her hooves echoed throughout the magnificent crystal castle, the long empty hallways seeming to stretch on endlessly as she searched for the source of the strange sound.
Drip. Drip.
With each door she passed, a steady chill seemed to build inside her. The melodramatic princess looked uneasily as she made her way closer to the center of the castle. She looked around, ears perking as if listening for somepony that wasn’t there.
“Hello?” she asked the open air. Of course, nopony responded, and it was silly of her to ask. Princess Twilight frowned as she glared upwards. “I can hear you talking about me, whoever you are,” she stated, unaware of how insane she sounded. Princess Twilight stomped a hoof on the ground before continuing in search of the ghostly sound.
Drip. Drip.
As she approached the large ornate door leading into the council room, she turned right, and instead headed into the kitchen. The source of the sound seemed to emanate from within its confines, and she braced herself as she pushed the door open with a hoof. The large kitchen was in immaculate condition, as it seemed Spike had cleaned up thoroughly after last night’s meal. That is, but for one yellowish smudge on the ground.
Princess Twilight approached the glob that took up a small area in the center of the kitchen, looking around for any sign of whoever might be responsible for leaving such a mess. She bent down and gave it a small sniff, after which her face contorted in a very unprincess-like fashion.
“It smells like... rotten cheese…” Princess Twilight observed as she backed away. How she was able to tell the difference between the smell of rotten food and her own contemptible odor was…
Princess Twilight growled, trying to sound menacing, which was adorable, but ineffective. “If this is some kind of joke, I swear I’ll find you and lecture you until Princess Celestia raises the sun.”
The promise of torture was moot when spoken into a room with nopony in it. The only change that occurred was the increasing edge of crazy that crept into Twilight’s voice.
“I’m not going crazy, what are you…” Princess Twilight had begun, but stopped when something fell upon her muzzle. Thick, yellow, and a little slimy, the smell of rancid cheese hit Twilight like a brick to the face. Her eyes widened in disgust as she tried to wipe it away with a hoof.
“Ew-ew-ew-ew-ew!” she cried, shaking her head rapidly, the cheesy gunk being flung off every which way. Twilight gasped for breath, attempting to calm herself when the thought finally struck her as to where the cheese had come from.
“Well, I guess I’m thinking it now that you’ve said something,” Princess Twilight said, her neck craning back as she looked up. There, hanging above her from the ceiling, was a monster that could have only existed in her worst nightmares. Squishing, pustulating, and quivering in a manner that turned Twilight’s stomach in a way that shouldn’t be possible, was a creature of true terror. The oozing, greasy mass of a strange, yellowish monster stared down at Twilight. At least, Twilight assumed it was staring at her, but it was rather difficult to tell as there was very little that could pass for eyes anywhere on its face.
Princess Twilight’s terror-filled scream filled the room, and for a moment, she completely lost her pretty little head. Then she turned and ran out the door, the smell of her fear only matched by the rancid smell of the creature that was beginning to move towards her. With a thick splat, it fell down onto the marble floor and oozed its way in the direction Princess scaredy-pants had fled.
“Quesadilla monster!” she screamed as she fled down the hallways, her wings beating slightly as if to boost her fearful flight. Princess Twilight turned and ran through the halls, her normally sharp mind failing to keep up with her frantic legs. Finally, she found her way back into her bedroom, slamming the door as she entered.
She panted heavily as she levitated furniture over to barricade the door. First a dresser, then several nightstands, and finally all the bookshelves—minus the books, of course.
“What in Starswirl’s beard...“ she breathed. The creaking of her internal cogwheels began to sound, which, by the way, needed a good greasing. With only a passing glare at the ceiling, Twilight began pacing across the room, clearly panicked.
“I’m not panicked, and will you stop narrating this like some bad fiction?” Twilight grumbled, fooling nopony. Then her ears perked up, a strange squishing sound coming from the blocked entryway. Slowly, with a sound so sickening that it made Princess Twilight want to empty her insides on the spot, the strange, gooey quesadilla monster crept under her doorway. It was now that the brilliant princess realized that she had unintentionally blocked her own means of escape. That is, until she thought of simply teleporting out of the room.
Princess Twilight facehooved before she lit her horn, narrowing her eyebrows in strained focus. The goo slunk across the floor as more and more of the monster crept into the bedroom, the nauseating smell already beginning to overwhelm her senses. Then her horn sparked, sending Princess Twilight hurtling towards the other side of the room, and smacking into a wall.
“Ow,” she said, massaging her thick skull, which had left an imprint on the wall behind her. “What in Equestria?” Princess Twilight massaged her horn gently, which had been tipped with the black soot that she knew was from magical backlash.
“This has to be some kind of dream,” she reasoned with herself, looking around desperately as the mass grew larger and larger. “I just need to wake up.” Then she reached back and, using her teeth, plucked a lavender feather from her wing. She winced as it came free, and then winced again as she realized that she hadn’t awoken.
“This isn’t a dream!” Princess Twilight said, obviously stating the obvious. “And you’re not helping!” she growled at the imaginary pony in her head. As intimidating as an angry princess of friendship might be, it did little to scare the cheesy beast that was now two ponies taller than her.
Princess Twilight began to shake uncontrollably as the cheesiest entity of her worst nightmares reformed. Bulges of slime overlapped and burst, bits of the goop sticking to her horrified face. Then Twilight screamed, her pure terror filling the castle as the beast lurched towards her. With a sickening squish, the giant monster, with a mouth formed of broken, crispy tortilla shells, completely engulfed the tasty princess.
Twilight Sparkle transformed into the princess of dairy as spoiled cheese became her world. Then the door to Twilight’s bedroom burst open, knocking away a cluster of furniture to reveal an angry, adrenaline-filled Spike the dragon.
“I’ll save you, Twilight!” Spike threw himself forward, mouth open wide. With the hunger of a thousand starving dragons, Spike tore into the beast. Cheese and tortilla were splattered every which way, the cheesy monster letting out a sharp squeal of pain. Bite after bite, Spike ripped into the creature, his iron stomach winning out in the face of the beast’s overpowering dairy powers.
Slowly, but surely, a shivering, cheese-coated princess was revealed as Spike gorged himself on a mixture of Brie, Jack and cheddar, until the cheese creature was nothing more than a mustache upon his face.
“Are you alright, Twilight?”
Twilight shook her head, her wide eyes locked in perpetual terror.
“Hold on,” Spike said as he spun around, “I’ll go get a towel.”
As Spike exited the dairy-scented bedroom, he practically tripped over a pair of mares headed in the opposite direction.
“Starlight?” Spike asked. Then he passed her to see the silver-maned unicorn standing just outside. “Trixie? Why are you here?”
“Oh, Trixie was just coming to witness firsthoof the fruits of her sweet, sweet revenge,” Trixie said with a strange cheshire grin.
“W-what?” Twilight spoke up, suddenly looking toward the open door. “This was your idea?” Then she looked over at Starlight, her eyes narrowing slightly. “And you had a hoof in this?”
“Well… Trixie is my closest friend, and when she came to me, desperate for my help, I just couldn’t say no,” Starlight said, taking a step forward. “You always told me that that’s what friends do, right? They help each other?”
Twilight gaped, small sparks flickering off her head as the logic puzzle whirled inside her.
“Trixie just can’t believe she got to see Spike literally eat Twilight out—of a sticky situation, I mean.”
Whack!
Trixie rubbed the back of her head with a hoof. “What was that for?”
“You’re incorrigible…”
“And you love Trixie for it!”
Author's Note
Well, that was cheesy 
For anypony that was crazy enough to read the this tasty masterpiece, let alone the original, thank you, and I hope it wasn't too much of a punishment.
Special thanks to Level Dasher for helping me polish this curd to a mirror sheen. What a guy!
As always, comments and critiques are not only welcome, but greatly appreciated.
With love and dedication, Dreams of Ponies 
