Rarity, I'm Pretty Sure You're Dead.

by Jest

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Rarity, Random, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 2255

Twilight is pretty sure her friend Rarity is dead, err undead.

Rarity has been working awfully hard lately so Twilight Sparkle, being the good friend she is, goes to check up on her.

Edited by myself and the everfree pony
Should be golden now.
Now with a reading!

Published 2017-06-09 06:40:12 UTC
Last updated 2017-06-09 06:40:12 UTC

Like, 90% sure.

“That's preposterous darling,” replied Rarity, not looking up from her sewing. She was on a delicate double over-under stitch that needed to be just so.

Twilight tapped her hoof and frowned. “I’m quite sure you’re dead. You’re ice cold to start.”

Rarity shrugged, hardly giving the conversation a single iota of attention. “Yes I suppose it is a little chilly in here, would you mind turning up the heat when you leave, darling?”

Contrary to popular belief Twilight Sparkle was not completely lacking in social graces and knew most of the normal cues to leave but she chose to ignore what her friend said. After all, she had just lost said friend. Well sort of anyway.

“Rarity your body is literally room temperature all the way through, I’ve scanned you completely.” Twilight tried to impart a modicum of seriousness in her voice but Rarity brushed it off.

“Oh pish posh darling, it might be a little cool out today but it's nothing to get worked up about.” She leaned in closer, focusing her magic to the size of a head of a needle. This last part right near the hem would be difficult and would take every ounce of concentration she had.

Twilight groaned. “Rarity this is serious!”

“Yes I know it's serious, the weather team should really decide if they want it sunny or cloudy. None of this annoying in between business that makes the day so blah.” She flipped the dress over and instantly began work on the other side.

“Augh, fine! Well explain this then Rarity, why haven't you had to breathe the entire time I've been here?” Twilight’s confident smile faltered somewhat when she realized the dead unicorn in front of her was still locked to her work.

“It's called holding one’s breath darling, you really should try it sometime,” Rarity said with as little malice as she could manage.

“The whole time I've been here though?! It's been ten minutes! You can't hold your breath that long, nopony can!” Twilight threw her hooves up in exasperation.

“Not so darling, you would be quite surprised what the girls and I have gotten up to in that hot tub of yours.” Rarity casually twisted the dress in her grip and bit her lip, not noticing when the appendage fell off a moment later when she realized what she had done wrong.

“That was you who did that to my hot tub! I had to throw out all the water and scrub the entire thing! You could have at least told me!”

“Told you what? That me, Fluttershy, and Big Mac had a little too much fun in your not so secret hot tub on the fourth-floor balcony? If I said that our shy friend would just die from embarrassment!” With a flick of her magic, the offending stitches were ripped out and her sewing machine was kicked back into high gear.

“Whatever! I’ll lecture those two on respecting private property later, I have a lich on my hooves right here!” She pointed an accusatory hoof at the oblivious fashionista still staring intently at the dress.

“You should think about getting that removed, I heard salt can take those little buggers right off.”

“Not leech, lich! Like the undead evil sorcerer, not the mildly annoying parasite!”

“Ahh I see, well would you kindly ask the evil undead sorcerer to leave my boutique alone? I have quite the order from Celestia herself and as the world, as my witness, I will not fail!” Without taking her eyes or magic off her stitchwork she raised a triumphant hoof in the air and held it for a moment before letting it drop down and help its twin push a difficult part of the dress through her machine.

“You’re impossible you know that? I think you can be more stubborn than Applejack sometimes…” Twilight dropped her butt to the ground and rubbed her chin, deep in thought.

Rarity didn't remark though she did disagree, there were more important things at hoof after all. Like what to do with this extra dangling bit of fabric she had left attached to the edge of the dress. Should she cut it off? No, no, that wouldn't do, it looked almost good where it was, it just needed some. Aha! Ideaaaa!

She folded it neatly into a stylized sun and tucked some loose cotton into it to give it some form. Then with a quick flourish of needle and thread, it was sewed together nicely and attached to the main dress by a thin sunbeam. She levitated the dress further away to scrutinize her work, taking extra notice of the dangling sun hanging from the edge of the fabric.

It looked good, it just needed something more… Ah it didn't match! She would make a little sun on both sides and it would be perfect!

Meanwhile, Twilight Sparkle had come up with the perfectly logical argument that was sure to convince Rarity. “Rarity,” she stated firmly, hoping her confidence would help her dead unicorn friend see reason. “You have not pooped in four days.”

That made Rarity stop, for all of a second. “The frequency of a lady’s bowel movements is none of your concern! Furthermore, I must ask you no longer spy on me in the lieu, it is quite uncouth.” Then she was back to sewing.

“What, that's… What?” Twilight shook her head. “I have done none of that! I just scanned your bathroom as well as your um… internals and—”

“Ms. Sparkle you better choose your next words carefully and explain to me why you just admitted to ‘scanning my internals’ or so help me I will sew your eyelids closed.” Her words were like ice that shot through Twilight’s veins and for a split second, some deep animal instinct commanded the alicorn to run in the face of this superior predator. Her logical side, however, like usual, won out in the end. Surely a well reasoned and thoughtful explanation would suffice, right?

“Well like I was saying, it started off because I wanted to see if your heart was still pumping, which it wasn't. But then I grew curious about what else in your body had shut down. Your brain is completely inert, your circulatory system has stopped completely and your entire digestive tract is about to eat its way through your midsection in a few minutes.” Despite the fact that she was fairly certain her explanation was enough Twilight Sparkle couldn't help but sweat.

Rarity stopped sewing and lifted up the dress she had been working on. It was a relatively simple number, a lithe black dress that was both dark, utilizing light black to deep gray fabric, but had little shocks of yellow running through it. It was a cocktail dress Luna had commissioned since she felt something that symbolized both her and her sister would help spread the idea that they truly were equals.

It was perfect, though hard to come up with and even harder to perfect the idea of blending dark and light motifs had taken off quite spectacularly and had even given her several spin-off ideas she intended to work on later.

She frowned, apparently Twilight was still going on about something for another while she had been staring at her work. What had she been saying? Something about eating?

“Yes, yes darling I know you’re hungry but we can grab you a hay burger in a minute, right now I really need to finish these dresses.” Without bothering to listen to the response Rarity placed the dress back down and started ripping out a small set of stitches, already thinking up a much more elegant solution.

“Come on! Are you even listening to me?” Twilight pleaded.

“Unfortunately.”

Twilight snorted in anger and stomped her hoof in frustration but a sudden idea stopped her fuming. “Rarity?”

“Yes, darling?”

“I will let you give me a full makeover and a new wardrobe if you listen to what I have to say for just five minutes.”

That gave Rarity pause. “And throw out that dreadful black hoodie?”

“Oh come on that hoodie is nice and comfy! The perfect study hoodie!” Twilight pleaded, remembering all the late night study sessions her and her favorite hoodie had been through together.

“Then no deal.”

Twilight huffed but ultimately resigned herself to her fate, gone were the days of cozy reading sessions and warm Sunday mornings. “Fine, I will throw out the hoodie.”

Rarity’s chair swiveled to reveal a face and body that was already beginning to decompose. Her face sagged pretty much everywhere and she was missing most of her lips, which seemed to rest all over the ground in various half chewed pieces.

“What? Is there something on my face?” Rarity asked, reaching a hoof up to touch her face.

“Ahh no, it's nothing I just thought I left the stove on for a second there.” Twilight gently grabbed Rarity’s hoof and pushed it back onto the ground.

“Anyway. How long have you been working? You missed our picnic with Pinkie Pie and Applejack, they both made really good pies.” Twilight was desperately trying not to stare at Rarity’s right eyelid which drooped slightly more than what was normal. She was failing horrendously.

“I don't know, a few hours I would think.” Rarity tapped her chin and looked off towards the clock. “I must have pulled an all-nighter by accident. Funny, I don't feel tired.”

“When did you start work on your order from the princesses?”

“Hmm, about three in the afternoon about a half hour after I received their letter from that nice new courier.”

“What day did you start work?”

“What day was it yesterday? Monday? I think. Yes, that's it.” Rarity looked around her workshop, noting the flurry of designing and sewing had left it in a dreadful state of disarray.

“Rarity, it's Sunday.”

“What are you trying to say, darling, that I went back in time or something?” Rarity snorted in amusement. “I don't work that hard you know.”

“No, it's been six days since you got that letter. Our picnic was on Wednesday remember?”

Rarity’s eyes glazed over and for a split second Twilight panicked whether or not her friend had gone blind all at once. Then all of a sudden they went back to normal and her gaze refocused on the alicorn.

“Give me a mirror.” The unicorn demanded.

Twilight broke out into a nervous sweat and instantly moved between Rarity and the closest washroom. “I don't know if you should do that, you’re kind of well… falling apart.”

“Twilight Sparkle if you don't move right this instant I will sew every orifice of your body closed.” Rarity’s eyes narrowed, her right eye slightly more than the left, taking away from her intimidation somewhat.

However, that was still more than enough to scare the, thankfully not literally, piss out of Twilight. “Yes, ma’am.” Twilight leaped to the side, one part jump, one part a pump of her wings.

Rarity was gone in an instant, bolting towards the bathroom. “Here it comes.” Twilight magicked her ears shut and winced, looking away from the bathroom. However after a few moments and still no ear-splitting shriek Twilight opened one eye and looked towards the bathroom.

A second later a blank-faced Rarity exited the bathroom, her entire body rigid, her face a mask of indifference. “How did this happen?”

Twilight gulped. “Well, some think that when a very powerful unicorn with immense willpower dies, sometimes their will combined with their magic mix into a potent form of dark magic. This dark magic combined with the unicorn’s overriding willpower leads to a self-resurrection and subsequent state of undeath. But that's all theoretical.” Twilight gulped again. “Well, not anymore I suppose.”

Rarity’s eye twitched. “Twilight Sparkle, pack my things. We are going to Canterlot. I need a new body asap and I need as many pictures of myself as you can find.” Rarity’s magic grabbed a sewing machine, needle and thread and all manner of fabric, stuffing and throwing them into a waiting trunk.

Twilight nodded and ran for the door, stopping at the last second. “Rarity, what are you planning on doing? You’re not gonna… kill somepony that looks like you and take their skin or something, are you?”

Rarity however hardly noticed, she stared intently at a piece of paper, her magic working a pen at nearly lightning speed. “No, nothing so barbaric.” She stopped and paused to chew on her lip while she thought, only to realize she had no more lip left to chew. “I’m going to make a new body.”

She smirked, though the expression was lost as she had no lips to emote with. She flipped the paper around and revealed a quick but detailed sketch of a life-sized Rarity doll.

“Oh thank Celestia.” Twilight wiped the sweat from her forehead. “I have not quite mastered soul transference spells anyway and I… Why are you looking at me like that?”

Rarity squinted at the alicorn. “Were you really okay with helping me murder somepony and steal their body to wear like some dress?”

“NO! Well maybe.”

Rarity shook her head and frowned scornfully. “Honestly Twilight, you couldn't have been more dead wrong.”

Twilight groaned.

Author's Note

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