Starlight Isn't Always Bright
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. All of her friends were supposed to be here, and she was supposed to be having fun. Her stress was supposed to melt away. Instead, Starlight Glimmer found herself alone, tucked away under the covers of her bed. She was struggling to keep her composure, teetering dangerously close to a breakdown of colossal proportions.
It was her birthday, and she was alone. This wasn’t like the days of her brainwashed village, when she at least had the false comfort of ponies that didn’t actually care for her being there. No, she was completely alone.
It hurt.
Had she not changed enough? Starlight had made considerable progress, at least according to Twilight, but what if it hadn’t been enough to actually change things?
Would it ever be enough…?
Self-deprecating thoughts swarmed her brain, overwhelming her to the point that it was all she could think about. She was worthless…
Or was she? For a brief moment, the swarm lit up, light finding its way into her darkened mind. She remembered a conversation she had had with Rainbow Dash no more than a week after her decision to change. The speedster had been practising tricks outside of her cloud home when she had spotted Starlight watching from the ground below.
*****
“Heh, you having fun watching?”
“I’m surprised you’re even letting me,” Starlight replied, cocking her head to the side, her curiosity present.
“Hey, as long as you’re watching me and not shooting magic death beams at me, that’s good enough.” Rainbow Dash smiled down at her. A warm smile that let her know she was finally being accepted. Then back to the tricks she went, dazzling her newest fan.
*****
Was she, though? Was it truly ‘good enough’? If it had been, then why wasn’t Rainbow Dash here with her? She had made it to Rainbow Dash’s birthday, and the Wonderbolt had been happy to see her.
Or she had simply pretended to be happy. Just like Starlight would have to do after tonight. After all, they weren’t going to show up. Not this late. Not during her darkest moment.
The light that had previously infiltrated her thoughts was gone once again, replaced by a darkness that she found nearly impossible to stave off. She remembered another, far less pleasant interaction with one of her “friends”.
*****
“I’m sorry, Starlight, but there’s simply no way that you can accompany me to Manehattan.”
Rarity was frowning, a sign that she was upset. Whether it was at Starlight or the fact that she had to say ‘no’, Starlight wasn’t sure. “Why not? Twilight says that I’ve made great progress in my lessons!”
The seamstress sighed. “Be that as it may, Manehattan is a completely different beast than Ponyville and Canterlot. It’s a far less forgiving city, especially to felons.”
“So now I’m a felon?” Starlight asked, her own frown developing.
“No, of course not!” Rarity bit her bottom lip, clearly struggling to find the right words. When they finally came out, Starlight still didn’t like them one bit. “But you were once, and to some ponies, that never goes away.”
*****
It had been months since that exchange had taken place, but the resurfacing of it in Starlight’s mind had her thinking. Who had Rarity actually been talking about? Had it been a subtle hint that she still didn’t trust Starlight? That she never would?
Starlight clawed at the walls of her mind, desperately trying to break free. There was no way Rarity actually thought that. She was Starlight’s friend, maybe her closest during the past few months. Yet, she had chosen to help with the Summer Sun Festival rather than be with Starlight on her special night.
No, she decided. Rarity wasn’t that kind of pony. Not the kind that would abandon her friends when they were expecting her. She was the element of generosity, after all, and had been very generous when it came to giving her time.
But then… did that mean that Rarity wasn’t actually her friend? Starlight doubted that, but deep down, the fear was more evident than ever. What if none of them really considered her a friend?
It was hard to imagine that being true after the events of the past year, but right now, the hard to imagine seemed all too eager to force itself to the forefront of her mind and force her to imagine it. Right now, she was growing more and more certain that it simply wasn’t enough. She hadn’t changed enough, not to earn their trust and friendship. The reality of it all came crashing down upon her at once, and she pulled her blanket over her head in one last futile attempt to block out those horrid thoughts. The thoughts she felt eating up her mind. To simply make it through the night without incident. But she had her work cut out for her if she wanted to succeed.
Once again, a memory forced its way into her mind.
*****
“We’re the same, you and I. Well, aside from our motives, of course.”
“And just what is that supposed to mean?” Starlight inquired angrily. “We’re nothing alike. You changed the world to make it fit you.”
“You changed ponies, Starlight,” came the response. “I may have changed the Elements of Harmony in order to further my goals, but you tried to change everyone. All because you weren’t accepted…”
“Neither were you.”
“Ah, but there’s the difference between us, Starlight Glimmer. I never cared.”
Starlight glared. “Whatever you say, Discord.”
*****
Finally, it hit Starlight. He had been right about her all along, and she had been too stubborn to admit it. Too stubborn to admit that she did care what other ponies thought about her. It was why she had come up with the idea of ‘Our Town’. A town that was eventually foiled by those pesky Elements of Harmony. Those ponies that had convinced her to change by pretending to be her friends. Pretending to care.
Starlight snapped.
Author's Note
Don't really know why I wrote this. I guess just to get myself back into the swing of things.
