Proving Quantum Mechanics With Ponies

Ain't No Party Like A Pinkie Pie Party...

Back at Twilight's house tree, I sat on the couch with my feet curled beneath me enjoying another grass-coffee (it was starting to grow on me.) as well as a book.

***The Book That Kept My Attention for Two and a Half Hours.***

An All-Encompassing Introduction to the History of Equestria and Her Colonies

Just a fascinating read. Once I was done with all the important chapters, I got up to shake my limbs where my blood had pooled from disuse. Just then Twilight walked in. She giggled at the sight of me dance around trying to get feeling back in my left leg. Once the tingling stopped I turned toward her.

"So what's the news?" I asked her while folding the page corner and closing the book.

"Well Ponyville Inn is completely booked. Apparently there is some Sci-Fi convention being hosted here this week. You know what that's like–or, do you?" she inquired.

"Yes, we have those on Earth too. Our societies aren't that different." Except for the fact that humans have certain war-like tendencies that can't be found anywhere in the creature standing before me, I thought. I'm not kidding. There had been disagreements in their past, but the worst of which was a three year long snowball fight. There were countless scraped knees and elbows, but no deaths were reported. Actually, the populations of all three species increased during this time. There just wasn't a bad atom in their beings. It was, in fact, a utopia.

"So tell me about Earth," she said sitting on the couch pulling me from my comparison of our cultures. "What's it like? Are there other humans like you there?" Great, I thought, I can't corrupt her with the destruction of human endeavors. No, this place is what philosophers and political figures have wondered of for millenia. I can't ruin this.

"Oh, you know, pretty much the same as here but we're all bipeds that wear clothes." I say rather quickly, taking a seat next to her and drinking my grass-coffee while looking away.

"Pretty much the same?" she asks with a raised eyebrow, "How so?"

"Well I already told you that our governments are different and that on my planet there are many, but that's about the extent of the dissimilarities."

"And the people dying from totalitarian governments?" she asked recalling or conversation from earlier.

"Oh that? That only happened, like, once," I said, again looking away while sipping my beverage.

"Really?" she looked unconvinced.

"Yes, really, so what about my sleeping arrangements?" I said desperately trying to change the subject.

"Oh, right! Well, Ponyville Inn is full and there aren't any other hotel's in town, so I guess you're staying with me," she said, her voice's pitch increasing on the last part. This is perfect! I thought, Not only am I in my favorite imaginary place, I’ll be staying with my favorite imaginary mare! No one will ever believe this back…home. Oh yeah, home. My excitement turned to utter hopelessness. There was no conceivable way for me to get home without breaking some of the irrefutable laws of physics. Well, I did manage to get here so it wasn't impossible, but it was going to be a quintillion times harder without a piece of alien technology. If at all possible. I guess my face gave away my depression because Twilight asked, "What's the matter? Don't you want to stay with me?"

"No, no, I'm fine with that. I love the idea! I was just thinking how I'm never going to see anyone I care about again," I said, my voice cracking at the last part.

"Well, you care about me, don't you? And my friends? You don't seem to hate us at least." she said leaning in and opening her forelegs for a hug. It was kind of awkward; a human and a pony hugging. It felt bizarre, but at the same time it was soothing. She smelled like old scrolls and books and disinfectant. She smelt good.

"Yeah, I guess I do" Maybe more than you know.

*****

Around three hours later Pinkie’s expertly planed party was well underway. I was standing near the door in a room of what seemed like a hundred ponies. I was holding a cup half full of fruit punch and tapped a finger to the rhythm. The thunderous beats were provided by none other than the white mare with the fan given name of Vinyl Scratch. She played music by some vaguely familiar artists: Foster the Ponies, One Monarchy and, the one Rainbow Dash considered to be the best, Green Hay. It was quite interesting to hear the pony interpretation of the songs I had grown so accustomed to.

From across the way I saw Pinkie Pie dancing over to the vegetable platters behind me. Granted all of the steps weren't devoted to the direction she was inevitably traveling so it took some time for her to close the distance, but the nearer she drew to me I could tell she was singing along to the lyrics of the current track.

“…some pony… that I used to know, some pony…” After one final turn, she was right in front of me and greeted me with a smile, “Hey, Theo! How you likin' your welcome party so far?” she said talking above the all-around din.

“I think you did a very good job, thank you very much Pinkie.” I said with the same volume.

“Oh don’t thank me yet, it only just started, once the young fillies and colts go home that’s when the real fun begins.” She said and then looked around. Once she was satisfied with what she saw, or rather, what she didn't see, she turned back to me. “Actually, Apple Bloom was the last one and Applejack is tucking her in as we speak so the fun can begin right now.”

Before I could ask any questions Pinkie had disappeared in a blur of pink and reappeared at the turntable, bumping Vinyl out of the way. The music stopped. Pinkie’s enthusiastic voice came through the speakers, amplifying her usually loud and sharp vocals to and earsplitting level. “Heeey Every Pony! Are we having a good time!?!” Her inquiry incited an outburst of approving noises from the crowd. “I can’t hear YOU!!” This time a full-fledged roar erupted from the forty to fifty ponies contained in Twilight’s living room. “Well, all the little foals are brushing their teeth and hitting the hay right about now so you know what that means!”

Apparently they did know what it meant because the crowed collectively made the windows vibrate. Pinkie Pie stepped back from the turntable and the music resumed as a couple of ponies came out of the kitchen carrying a big silver keg that produced a sloshing sound all the way to the punch table. Even before it began to pour from the uncapped nozzle into the punch bowl, even before the unmistakable smell reached my nasal passages, I knew what it was. Alcohol.

She sure does know how to throw a party. The entire room flocked to the punch bowl to fill their cups, the pegasi literally flew to the table, effectively creating a tree dimensional blockade of ponies around the punch bowl. The ponies greedily drank the fluid until the bowl had to be refilled from the keg.

As the freshly spirited crowd dissipated, I thought about the parties I had been to back on earth. Nothing real serious, a couple of birthday parties here and there and some Christmas and other seasonal parties four or five times, but never anything where alcoholic beverages were served so freely. I definitely wasn't a hard core party-er like a high school character from an ‘80’s movie.

“Are you going to have some?” came a voice from beside me. I jumped but managed to not spill more than a drop or two from the cup in my hand. It was Rainbow Dash who had spooked me. “Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. It’s just, you were staring at the punch and I didn't know if you wanted some and didn't know how to use the ladle or something,” she said trailing off a bit at the end.

“Oh, no, I know how to use a ladle, we have those too. I was just…thinking,” I said.

“About what?” she asked looking me straight in the eye. She seemed genuinely interested.

“Well, it’s just… I've never really had alcohol before.” I answered scratching the back of my neck with my free hand.

“Why? Don’t you guys have it where you come from?”

“We do but I—uh—am not the correct age, by law, to be partaking in the consumption of it.” I said a little ashamed. I don’t really know why I was embarrassed, maybe because I didn't fit the average high school-er stereotype, or maybe because of the one that I did fit, which was a nerd. But Rainbow didn't seem to pick up on this and just looked at me puzzled.

“In English?”

“I’m not old enough to back on earth.”

“Oh…That makes loads more sense!” She said, “Well, if you hadn't noticed, were not on earth right now.” She said alluringly.

“I did notice, thank you for the observation anyways though, but there’s still—”

“C'mon, lighten up big boy, have some fun.” She said getting closer to me. I could smell just a hint of liquor on her breath. Something about those magenta eyes… She is right, I thought, We aren't on earth. And being a student of my stature, I could afford to lose a few brain cells. Not like the ones that drink on a regular basis. I looked back at the punch bowl. Rainbow took it as a sign to scoop some out for me. So that’s how they use ladles. She let it pour, filling up the rest of the space in my cup. She then replaced the ladle and picked up her own cup.

“Bottoms up!” She said.

We drank.

****

Hours went by. Exactly how many I really can’t tell you. All I can say is, two and a half cups later, Twilight was looking mighty fine. Not that she didn't look nice before, I do so love the plain and simple style she sported, but the beer goggles were on and the effects were clear.

***Where I Stood***

Among a crowd of ponies near the door, of which, I had no idea who they were. They talked amongst themselves and, on occasion, to me. At which point I would nod and return a “yeah” or a “uh-huh”.

I stared at her from across the room. She looked distracted; idly poking her cup with a fore hoof almost to the tipping point and watching it fall back to the table. It was kind of cute, the way her face was screwed up in a frown, thinking of something...

“Hey Theo!” Applejack’s voice tore me from my ogling and back to the party. “Great party, huh?” she said getting closer than comfortable. My inebriation was only enough to make the stupid seem feasible, not make me unreceptive to social queues.  And even through my own, I could see that she was flat out drunk. She started spouting something about the farm and how lonely it is, I wasn't really paying any attention because Twilight was on the move. She had picked up her cup in a hoof and started towards the stairs.

“Hey, can I take a rain check on this conversation? Thanks AJ, I owe you one.” I said while leaving.

“Oh—uh—sure thing partner!” she called after me.

Twilight disappeared at the top of the stair case, obviously going to her room for some quite thinking time. This is my chance, I thought , I'll just tell her how I feel, and maybe she feels the same way. That’s all I can hope for, that’s all anyone can hope for. I climbed the stairs. As I walked down the hall the music and chatting became quieter, although not by much. I came to a door that was cracked just a bit. Assuming it was Twilight’s room, I pushed it open. The door glided open soundlessly. Recently oiled. She runs a tight ship.

The moment I stepped in I knew it was indeed Twilight’s room. There were three bookshelves carved into the tree’s wood, each containing a plethora of books. A desk with an extinguished candle and four or five roles of scrolls with feather pens skewed about. Her waist-paper basket was overfilling with crumpled-up pieces of parchment. And her bed was south of her northeast facing window. A natural alarm clock, genius!

I stepped lightly through the mess of school supplies that littered the floor to the ajar balcony door. Peeking through the opening, I saw her, gazing out at the stars. I pushed open the door hoping to make an entrance; it, too, didn't make a sound. I spoke to make myself known.

“Clear night.” She turned around to look at me. I gave her a half smile then looked out at the stars.

“Yes, clearer than usual,” she said turning back to them. I approached the portion of railing next to her, studding those astronomical balls of gas that have plagued the interests of so many men (and probably ponies) for thousands of years before me. I always feel the same thing when I look up, a certain smallness, but at the same time, hope.

This being the first time I had seen the stars from Equestria, I noticed the stars and constellations here were identical to the ones seen from earth. I’m still on earth, just in another universe. A cold rock formed in my stomach; I felt even more home sick. Something about knowing that you’re on your home world but at the same time…not, makes you queasy.

“Recognize any of them?” Twilight spoke up from beside me.

“Yes, I’m quite familiar with them,” I replied, “They’re the same as back home. I guess the swapping of apex species can’t change the stars.”

“They are immovable, aren't they?” she said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Let’s see…Cyprus, the seven sisters, Orion, Cassiopeia, and the Pegasus.” I said pointing to each as it was named. I finished with my finger hovering over the big quadrilateral that was supposed to be a pegasus. I never did really get that one.

“Wait, pegasus?” she looked at me quizzically, “Humans knew of pegasi?”

“Oh yeah, I guess we did. They are our myths and legends. It only became strange a couple of hours ago when I found out they were real,” I said scratching the back of my neck. Twilight giggled. It was a weird, slurred type of giggle. She had been drinking too.

“Our worlds must have had some kind of contact in the past,” she said thoughtfully. We stood there thinking, forgetting we were still looking at each other. I came back to reality when she did and we both looked back to the stars. We sat there for a while, just staring.

“Twilight?” I said, pulling her attention back to me.

“Yeah, Theo?” she looked me in the eye. Then I realized something. If I wanted to get anywhere with this pony, if I share my life with her, I would have of share all of it. I would have to break my oath upon entering this strangely familiar world. It wasn't really an oath any way. It was more of a short sighted decision, I rationalized.

“I have to tell you something,” I began.

“What?”

“I…It’s…Well you see…”

“What is it? C’mon, you can tell me.” She encouraged through mouth and action by stepping closer. I could smell the alcohol on her breath. It was sweet smelling. Here goes.

“Well, I—uh—haven’t been completely—uh—honest with you guys.”

Subtle.

I could see her defenses kick in, her mind raising the alert. She took a slight step back.

“What do you mean?”

“Well—uh—I mean...you didn't only show up in our mythology.”

Again, she asked, “What do you mean?”

“Well—uh—there is a TV show—uh—about you guys.”

A blank stare. This went way more smoothly in my head.

“A what?” she asked finally.

“A TV show. Oh, right—you don’t have those. Well there are these electronic boxes that take radio waves or other types of signals and convert them to pictures, that’s called a TV. Every week there are these showings on the TV of episodes that are like little plays that contribute to an over aching plot of the series. Make sense?” I said finishing with a smile.

“Kind of. So people watch shows about ponies?” she inquired.

“Not just any ponies, you and your friends specifically.”

Another blank stare. Damn, this is awkward.

“So humans watch us, me and my friends, go on all our adventures?” she asked closing her eyes and rubbing her head with a fore hoof.

“Yes. I've seen all the episodes by the way.” I said proudly.

“Oh, you've seen all the episodes,” she said harshly. My smile disappeared. “And you didn't think it was in mine and my friend’s best interests to know that you've been invading our private lives for some time now?”

“It’s not really invading—”

“It’s not, is it?” her voice raising to a yell. “Would you like to have your life broadcasted to the entire populous of Equestria?”

“Well, no b—”

“Then why is it different for us. Why do we have to suffer for your entertainment?” she asked while slowly stepping forward. My natural reaction was to avoid her rage by stepping back. It didn't help much.

“It’s—”

“And to think you’re just telling me this now! I opened my house and home to you, exposed my friends to you.” My back hit the rough bark of the tree. No more space left to retreat. “And to what?! A liar? A thief?”

“Hey, I’m no—”

“I trusted you! I guess that was a bad idea!” she yelled, turning around and laying her head down on the balcony beam, poking at it angrily with her hoof. “Just get out of my sight, Theo.”

Speechless. For the first time in my life, I was at a loss for words. My idol had turned on me. And all I could do was sit there, looking stupid with my mouth slightly agape. With nothing else to do, I complied. I left the balcony, shutting the door behind me. I heard small sobs on the other side. Why was she crying? I’m the one who was wrong, I messed up. I didn't go back though, I wouldn't have known what to say.

Downstairs the party had almost stopped, just a few stragglers remained. The music was no longer playing because the white mare with the ruffled electric blue mane was lying unconscious on her turntable. Everypony else was either too drunk to find their home, or already asleep.

It didn't seem right to stay, not after what had just happened. Plus my designated sleeping spot, aka, the couch, was presently occupied by a passed out Pinkie Pie on one side, and a young couple voraciously making out on the other.

Yes, it was clear I couldn't stay here. So I didn't. I simply walked out the door. No one tried to stop me, no one seemed to care. The large wooden door closed behind me with a thud. The cold night air sent a chill throughout my body. I wish I brought a jacket. But how could I really have prepared for this kind of thing? How could I have known? With nothing else to do, nowhere else to go, I stuck my hands in my pockets, shrugged my shoulders trying to minimize my heat loss, and headed out into the night.