Trixie Bullies the Narrator

by JackRipper

Rating: everyone
Tags: Trixie, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Self Insert, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1267

Trixie makes fun of the nigh-omnipotent narrator that has almost entirely lost control of the situation, hilarity ensues.

The Great and Powerful Trixie is woken up by the voice of a narrator that's both around her and inside her head. To further annoy her, she can't seem to get rid of him, even though he has nearly lost control of the entire situation.

Neither of them are going to have a good time.

Rated E for meta-humor, crass banter and self-deprecation.
Cover art by Lukeine on Deviantart.
Pre-read by randome284.
Proofread and edited by Dreams of Ponies.

Published 2017-06-14 18:50:11 UTC
Last updated 2017-06-14 18:50:11 UTC

In which a second-rate magician trumps the mediocre narrator.

Hello everyone! Let us dive into a wonderful new adventure starring the Great and Powerful Trixie herself! There will be action! There will be romance! There will be wealth and opportunity beyond measure through this perilous journey ahead! Without further ado, let the story begin!

Trixie let out a small yawn as she kicked open the door to her travel-carriage with a hind leg. Grumbling to herself, she stumbled out and dropped onto the grass, not bothering to fix her mane which had become entangled throughout the night.

“Wha- who’s there?”

Trixie— Wait… can you hear me? … Is this actually happening right now?

“Yes, Trixie can hear you, moron, you’re inside Trixie’s head. Who are you? Is that you, Discord? It's too early to be doing this right now.”

I don't think Discord would do something like this, it's a little mundane for him. I’m still trying to wrap my head around this.

“You may have a point, but that's still something Discord would say,” Trixie replied, her voice laced with irritation.

Look... can I just continue with the story? This was supposed to be an adventure story, with action and romance
and—

“Trixie doesn’t care in the slightest,” she said as she began to trot toward Ponyville, levitating her saddlebag over her shoulder.

“Trixie is going to practice magic with Starlight today, so you can forget whatever plan you may have had.”

Fine, I’ll roll with it, I guess. I have to entertain my audience somehow. Hopefully my charming anecdotal narrative will be enough to appease them.

Trixie continued to walk across the off-beaten path, looking up at the sky in annoyance.

“Who would want to listen to you, anyway? You're like a parrot, but even more annoying.”

I'm actually a writer, people read what I write for fun and —

“Let’s be honest here, is anypony actually going to read whatever you write?”

Okay, I’ll admit, that stung a little. Why are you being so aggressive? It's not like my ego was in a good state to begin with.

“Because you’re annoying!” Trixie growled. “Go bother somepony else for Celestia’s sake.”

Trixie huffed in frustration as Princess Twilight’s castle came into view. Near her, a pony stood in bewilderment, flummoxed by the mysterious voice that had no apparent source.

“Will you just shut your fat muzzle? Trixie doesn't want to look worse than she already does and have somepony staring at her,” Trixie demanded in a hushed tone, wearily eyeing the stallion who was looking at her.

I was under the impression you were the only one who could hear me, this story has become much more interesting.

Trixie quickened her pace as she arrived at the castle, not bothering to knock as she pushed open the front door.

“Trixie doesn’t need to knock, Starlight is already aware of our arrangement.”

It's still kind of rude, though. Twilight and her purple gecko live here too.

A snarky smirk formed on Trixie’s face as she began to walk through the main hall, scanning each side for the particular room Starlight was in.

“Trixie isn’t stupid. Starlight is at the far end of the hall. Trixie’s been here before, you know.”

I didn't say you were stupid, I just have to describe what is happening in detail without devolving into dull exposition and —

“Would you look at that, Trixie’s back to not caring.”

Would you stop interrupting me?!

Trixie’s expression had evolved into a sneer, “Then say something worth not interrupting for once.”

Trixie finally approached the door she was looking for, opening it with enough force to rattle the frame.

Starlight was sitting at a table in the center of the room. She jerked back in sudden surprise as Trixie barged in, wobbling slightly and gripping another chair for support.

“T- Trixie! Why the rush? And why do I hear a voice? Is it some kind of spell you cast?”

Trixie gave a dejected sigh as she tossed her saddlebag on the table, pulling out a seat adjacent to her friend.

“Trixie isn’t that fortunate. At least a spell could be cancelled.”

Come on, I’m not that bad. I haven't even felt insulted enough to verbally harass you yet.

Trixie glared up at the ceiling, “You’d be a lot more tolerable if you shut up.”

Likewise, con artist.

Starlight slowly stood up, trotting over to a bookshelf.

“Excuse me, sir, who exactly are you? And why are you following Trixie around?”

I was going to narrate a story about her, but she became cognizant before the story could even begin for some reason.

“Are you calling Trixie a vegetable?!” Trixie sputtered, slamming her hooves on the table in response to the supposed accusation.

Emphasis on the word ‘supposed’, because that wasn’t originally an insult, vegetable.

Trixie snarled as Starlight pulled a book off of a shelf with her magic and placed it on the table in front of her.

“Well, can you please leave my friend alone, Mr. Narrator? She isn’t exactly the most welcoming pony.”

“Hey!”

…

“Mr. Narrator? Are you there?”

“Thank Celestia, Trixie thought he would never go away.”

…

“Well, I guess that’s over with, do you still want to practice magic today Tr—”

Sorry, I'm back. I went to grab a sandwich. Are we still talking about getting rid of me?

Trixie groaned and slammed her head on the table as Starlight sighed and rubbed her head in exasperation.

“Look, Twilight told me about how she had a similar experience just like this. There's a spell that will temporarily remove you, but I’d prefer it if we solved this in a more civil manner.”

I am being civil, though, I can’t say the same for everyone else in this room.

Starlight continued before Trixie had a chance to retort.

“Would you be willing to compromise? I’ll tell you what, if you leave Trixie alone for the rest of the day, I’ll let you narrate a sequel.”

“Trixie didn't agree to that!” Trixie exclaimed.

Well, that offer certainly is tempting.

“Starlight! Don't give him a way to annoy me more!” Trixie protested as she continued to whine.

“I’m not whining!”

Starlight flipped through the book in fervor, stopping on a page detailing one spell in particular. The spell itself was labeled ‘Showstopper’.

Well, that's awfully convenient to the plot, and mildly irritating at that. Really, Starlight? I was under the impression we didn't mind each other.

“Sorry Mr. Narrator, I actually don't mind your company myself. But Trixie clearly doesn’t want you hovering around her, so I’m going to cast this spell.”

Starlight’s horn began to produce an incandescent light that illuminated the room, her face straining with focus as she looked up at the ceiling.

“Just hurry up and cast it, Starlight! Trixie doesn't want to have to put up with him any more.”

Sorry to break it to you, but I’m the one in charge of the story, you can’t just end the story when you feel li—

Shing!

Author's Note

Once again, a big thank you to Dreams of Ponies, who edited this story for me while I was away from the US. This story was compensation for not working on my multi-chapter project for a while, though I still might have time to finish the next chapter before I leave the EU.

More stuff on the way soon, hit me up with a follow if you like what you see, and don't be afraid to tell me how you felt about the story. :twilightsmile: