Running with (the) Hooves

by radiation_pony

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Doctor Whooves, Romance, Science Fiction, Sparkler, Self Insert, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Crossover, Sex
Length: 3004

I fall quite literally into Equestria and while I don't remember why, I try to make the best of it

I fall quite literally into Equestria and while I don't remember why, I try to make the best of it while living in the craziness of the (W)Hooves household. anything more would be spoilers :pinkiehappy:

Unabashedly a Self-Insert, First person current tense too! I promise to update occasionally but if the past 5 wow... years are anything to go by don't hold your breath

Constructive criticism welcome (and no, yelling at me to get an editor is NOT constructive)

Published 2017-06-14 18:30:10 UTC
Last updated 2022-11-03 03:31:04 UTC

1.1 How Did I Get Here?

Author's Note

I'm back, managed to finish what would have been chapter 2 but then I decided to combine the first and second chapters into one longer chapter, hope you enjoy!

1.1 How Did I Get Here?

Chapter 1: How did I get here

I suddenly find myself above the cloud layer and as this is not a natural place for a non-flying creature, I have very little time to come to terms with my existence, however, think I make the most of it; manly by Screaming “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH….!”

As I fall through the clouds I reach out and try to grab one, I mean, it works for Pegasi, right?

Bad time to mention it, but yes, I am a brony, nice to meet you I'm falling through the fucking stratosphere.

Well, my attempt at cloud walking doesn’t work and I continue falling. Turns out I'm not as high as I thought I was. I'm only a few stories above a colorful looking medieval town. A gasp interrupts my scream as I recognize the town as Ponyville. About three stories above the ground a gray and blond object slams into my side sending me spinning into a large tree. It slows me down a bit, but I fall out the other side and fly past a purple unicorn before landing face first on the gravel road and immediately blacking out.

***

When I wake up the first thing, I realize is that I'm in a hospital room. Second thing I realize is that I'm lying on my back, rather uncomfortably so I roll over to my side and try to pull my legs into a fetal position, try, because my legs outright refuse to bend that way. I use my arm to lift the covers and I look down and see that my body is that of an orange pony not even the good orange; it’s the sort of industrial orange that you’d expect to find on high-vis equipment. Looking down I also see the top of my muzzle, probably should have noticed that sooner, that and I can see practically the whole room just by moving my eyes. I move my newly discovered hoof over to my side and feel a disappointing lack of wings. I guess I'm just an earth pony unless… I move a hoof to my forehead and wince as it bumps into a horn, damn these things are sensitive.

I lie on my back agen. What the hell am I supposed to do now?

“Hello, would you like a few more minutes?” A white pony with a pink bun and a nurse’s hat, probably Redheart; asks, ending my self-debate.

I nod “yes, and could I have a mirror please?” she closes the door and a minute later a, hoofheld? Mirror slides under the door, how the hell, err hay, am I supposed to get there? I don’t know how to walk with four legs. I sigh, might as well learn now. I roll over onto my stomach and lift myself into a sitting position. Back legs how do you work? It takes a while, but I manage to get my flank in the air and stumble to the edge of the bed. I reach down with my left hoof, but they put the bed really high, and I can’t reach the bottom. Suddenly my other forehoof slips and I fall in a heap. I get back to my hooves and clumsily start making my way towards the door slowly moving one lag at a time. After a few stumbling steps something brushes against the back of my hindlegs. I look behind me and at the end of my completely foreign body is a bushy black tail with a yellow stripe running through it. Of course, it’s a tail, I'm a mother fucking pastel pony of course I have a tail. I walk to the mirror and look down at it lying flat on the ground.

I paw at it with a hoof to no avail when Nurse Redheart opens the door again “I heard a noise, are you al…” she trails off as she sees me right in front of her

“Sorry, that was me getting out of bed, I... don't know how to use magic” I respond embarrassed.

“You can't…?” she trails off again as she looks at a clipboard, sheepishly she says “how about you get back on the bed, I’ll get the mirror and you can look yourself over as we go over some things” I comply and slowly walk back to the bed, only stumbling once before jumping back onto the bed and sitting on my haunches. Redheart floats the mirror up to me and it’s much easier to hold when I can put a hoof on either side of it. I look into it and see my face, the fur the same color as the rest of my body abit with the addition of several scuff marks, my mane resembles a slightly less fluffy version of my tail and my eyes are most definitely green, I cant remember what color my eyes were before, well before I came here.

When she notices that I’ve stopped paying attention to the mirror she starts talking “I would like to ask you some questions but first I should let you know that it’s very likely that the accident gave you some degree of amnesia, so if you don't remember anything don't worry, we cast a spell that should recover memories if you find yourself in a similar situation to them, I’m sorry but that’s the best modern magic medicine can do”

Doctor diagnosed amnesia, if reading shitty fanfics is anything to go by this is a good start, it’s also good to know that even advanced magic has limits “Ok, anything else I should worry about”

“No, there shouldn't be, if you feel pain when eating or walking, I have to ask you to return, it’s possible that there are microfractures” I nod at her response “Now for the questions, do you remember your name?”

I think about it, I honestly can't quite remember it, I know it’s not pony-y and I’d have to think one up anyway “I, don't remember” this at least give me more time, I’m not good with names.

“Ok, do you remember what happened?” she asks scribbling something on the clipboard”

The first thing I remember before appearing in Equestria, was well, me heading to college in the morning after that... there's nothing. “Well I think I was having a normal day before falling out of the sky”

“Do you remember where you live?”

Now time for my first horse puns, hope they work “Winnieappleis, Winniesota” when she looks at me incredulously, I continue “I think it’s south of Winnipeg” yes, I am fully aware of how ridiculous it sounds.

“I know where it is, it’s a long way away from Ponyville” she ponders for a minute “I think we can get you a train ticket there, or at least part way”

“I think I’d rather stay in Ponyville for a while”

“Okay, let me file this paperwork and you should be good to go” she walks from the bedside out the door before leaning back in, “Sir, you have a guest”

I nod and Redheart lets in a grey pegasus mare with a straw yellow mane with derpy eyes before closing the door

Derpy or Ditzy I'm not sure which trots up to me “are you ok, I’m Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you”

She’s too adorable to be angry at, if I even was in the first place “Don't worry about it, if you didn't knock me into the tree, I don't think I’d be able to leave right now” I don't know if that’s true, but it seems to get my point across as she cheers up considerably.

Her eyes go wide before adding “how silly of me I didn't even Introduce myself, I’m Derpy Hooves what's yours?”

That’s one question out of the way “I don't remember, the accident gave me amnesia”

“Oh” she momentarily goes sad again before perking up with a smile “You're welcome for dinner, I’m told I make good muffins”

“I’ll be sure to stop by then” I respond gratefully.

she smiles as she makes her way out of the hospital, with nothing more to do here I follow her out. Once we exit the front doors, she turns to me “Break time’s over, need to get back to work” then she takes flight as I trot down the path to Ponyville.

***

With nothing else to do I slowly head into Ponyville and start exploring carful to place one leg in front of the other so as to not fall on my face again, the town’s bigger than you think, though not that much larger, it’s about the size of a small human town, with more than ten streets. From my vantage point on the hill, I can see the various landmarks, Twilight’s treebrary, Sugarcube Corner, Carousel Boutique, I decide that the town hall is probably the best place to go, see if the notice board has any jobs or housing. By the time I get into the town proper I manage to get walking mostly down.

After a while I manage to make my way to the market plaza, across the plaza and the many ponies within I can see my goal, the town hall. I had only got me, I actually have no Idea how long I’ve been lost in Ponyville, if the town hall wasn't taller than any other building I’d probably still be lost, I don't remember what time it was when I left the hospital but it’s heading into the midafternoon. After yet more time I manage to wedge myself through the group which only now starts to disperse, the notice board is unmistakable and directly in front of me, however Carrot Top and some random background pony are having a conversation in between me and the notice board and I can't help but overhear some of their conversation while I politely wait.

“...I can't remember if I’ve told you yet, but I finally got around to getting a place of my own, it’s a small thing only a few blocks away.” Carrot top continues obliviously

“Derpy finally got to your nerves?” the other mare asks

“Oh, she did that years ago, I would have left long ago if it weren't for the low rent, great muffins and her leaving the house for days at a time”

“Almost makes up for her clumsiness”

“She does mean well, anyways I need to finish unpacking. Talk to you tomorrow?”

“Of course!”

Ok, I note to myself that Derpy has a spare room for rent and it's cheap. Definitely something to ask about when I stop by for dinner.

As Carrot Top and her friend move out of the way of the notice board I walk up to the board and look it over. There's a number of social events, an engagement party for Cloudchaser and Thunderlane, Twilight’s book reading club, a barnraising party, etc. Nothing I could do for some quick cash, certainly nothing that wouldn't give away that I’m not from Equestria. Like, I can't cook to begin with let alone with hooves, so how am I supposed to help Bon Bon? Sweetie Drops? I don't know, the ad just has her cutie mark.

With the notice bord devoid of viable jobs I turn and walk away to consider my options: the Apples could probably use a hand, er, hoof, but I double as an untrained unicorn I could be much help on a farm, assuming Applejack would even be willing to part with her hard-earned bits. No wings so weather management is right out, as is working with animals and baking, if only due to complete lack of ability rather than lack of necessary limbs; I could kill a pet rock with neglect. The element of generosity would probably help if asked but i doubt I’d like being used as a mannequin; or would that be marequin? Best to keep that idea in reserve. I could definitely be a librarian though if Twilight and Spike have arrived already, I doubt they’d need help. Still, there's a chance they haven't arrived yet and it's still the perfect place to read up on magic and Equestrian history without too much suspicion.

With a destination picked I turn left and start the search. The short break causing my legs to start to ache, seriously how hard is it to find a stupid tree? At least I’ve walked enough I don't need to constantly think about it anymore.

I round another corner and notice a partially reassembled house, looking like it was torn from the ground then dropped back in place. As I walk past one of the construction ponies calls out “Oi there, you looking for work?”

A job in construction? Low skill, physical labor, I could probably handle it. Still one question remained: “How did you know?”

“I noticed you looking at the job board during my lunch break. So, what do you think? We can always use more horn-heads on the team. DO you have any experience with heavy loads?”

Ignoring the possible racist slur, I reply “I’ll give it a shot although my magic can’t lift very much” or anything at the moment but no reason to tell him that, all the more reason to find the library. “I was actually on my way to the library to work on that but got lost”

“The treebrary? Take a left and cross market square, it's the big tree, can't miss it”

“Thanks” I respond looking the way he gestured

“Just swing by tomorrow morn and we’ll get you introduced and settled in.” my legs silently thank him for not wanting to start work today. As I start to walk away, I realize that I never asked him his name, probably for the best as he’d ask mine in return and I still havent remembered, and I doubt it’d fit in anyways, better think up a new one on the way to the library.

The path he pointed quickly lead back to the market square; only know I can see the leaves of a large oak tree poking past the roofs of the houses to the right of town hall. Internally sighing at how close I’d been, I weave my way between empty stands and those getting closed for the day as I get through the maze only getting a few odd looks from ponies. Ignoring them I manage to come up with a few possible names: orange dream, delicious but I can't cook, not as bad as Sweetie Belle but still no talent in the culinary arts; Rubidinium a favorite element but throes nothing ‘Ruby’ about me; Radium another great element but hopefully Equestria hasn't entered the nuclear age. My mulling is ended at the wooden trunk of the massive tree that makes up Golden Oaks Library. I knock a hoof against the door, and it’s answered by Spike the baby dragon.

“Uh hi, I’d like to check out some books please?” I ask nervously, obviously this is some point after Twilight Sparkle arrived.

“Sure” Spike opens the door and lets me in “Twilight we have a guest”

The aforementioned lavender unicorn trots down the steps “oh hi, you’re the unicorn that I took to nurse Readheart this morning”

“Yea, thanks” I reply

“Are you alright? You did fall from the sky”

“Redheart said I have mild amnesia”

“I don't have any spells to fix that, but I could look into it”

“Thats ok, they already did a spell to help, I’m just here for some books on magic, you know, refresh the basics” I bluff

“Good idea, I should do that too” she starts levitating massive books from the library shelves.

As Twilight sorts through them Spike comes up next to me with a few much smaller books and starts putting them into a bag “Here” he hands the bag to me “when it comes to magic Twilight doesn't understand simple” he says with an understanding look.

I bite the bag’s handles and mumble “Thanks” then I turn and leave the treebrary, Twilight still going through the great tomes of magic.

I head back into the market square passing empty stalls until I come across one of the flower mares still packing up, Rose-something if the roses surrounding her and on her flank are any clue. I drop the bag and say “Hi” trying not to startle her “do you know the way to Derpy’s place?”

She looks up from her flowers and points down a side street “take Mulberry until you reach Drury Lane, she’s right on the corner.”

“Thanks” I mumble again picking up the bag and walking in the direction of her hoof.

I soon come up to Drury Lane and am left wondering which of the four houses is her when a magenta mare with a purple mane steps out of the house to the left and waves at me “Hi Radium, back from work already?”

I can only stand there befuddled as I try to work out what just happened “What, no, who?” I stammer

After a moment her eyes go wide “wait what day is it?” she asks

“I don't know I just got out of the hospital”

“Buck” she swears as she approaches and I can see that she’s levitating a hairbrush behind her “just, forget you ever saw me”

“Um ok… I was just looking for Derpy’s house”

“It this one, you know that, wait no you don't yet” she says pointing behind her to the house she just came from, looking very confused

“Um thanks?” I say I walk towards the house she also turns around and canters around the back of the house.

With nothing else left to do I walk up to the door.