Impermanence

by Shakespearicles

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Rarity, Tragedy, Death, Sad
Length: 2941

Rarity sends for Spike to be with her, in her final hours.

"Life is suffering." - Buddha

Decades after leaving Ponyville, Spike is consort to Dragon Lord Ember, and father to her children. Settled into his role as her diplomat, relations with Equestria have never been better. His life as a proper dragon is going well.
Until one day he receives a letter, a summons he can not refuse.

Audiobook

Published 2017-06-24 16:30:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-06-24 16:30:06 UTC

The Most Generous Thing

It was early in the morning. Drake walked from the royal chambers to greet the dawn. In the dark western sky, Luna's moon slipped below the edge of the heavens. He turned back to face the east. The sky began to glow a deep red, and then orange. It brightened to a yellow, heralding the coming dawn.

He turned and ran back inside the luxurious cave. As luxurious as a cave could be.

"Dad! Dad! Come on Dad, we gotta go! Wake up!" he called out, jumping and bounding over his brothers and sisters sleeping about on the floor. "Dad? Daad!" he said, growing frustrated.

"Your son is awake," Ember said without opening her eyes.

"Before sunrise he's your son," Spike said. Drake climbed up onto him and nipped his wing, giving it a yank without effect. Drake tumbled away and ran back, trying to headbutt Spike awake.

"Dad! You promised!" Drake said. Spike opened his eyes and saw his son filling his field of vision.

"Okay, okay. I'm up, I'm up," Spike said with a yawn. He and his queen, Ember each roused from their sleep and walked outside with Drake. Ember was the reigning Dragon Lord. And she had taken Spike as her suitor. They ruled all the dragons and answered to nobody.

"Come on Dad!"

Well, almost nobody.

"I don't understand why you don't sleep in like the rest of your brothers and sisters," Ember said.

"I thought that I'd finally be able to get a full night's rest once I married royalty," Spike said. "But Drake is always up with the sun and makes sure that we are too."

Drake sat at the edge of the plateau watching the sky getting brighter.

"He reminds you of your Princess Twilight," Ember said, giving him a nudge with her elbow.

"Yeah..." Spike watched as a sliver of Celestia's sun poked above the horizon with piercing brightness that made his reptilian pupils become thin slits. It had been years since he'd last seen Twilight, or Celestia. Even longer since he'd seen them outside of a foreign relations meeting. And it had been even longer since he'd seen Equestria, or anypony else.

"Hey?" Ember waved her claws in front of his face. Spike blinked and shook his head, coming back to the present. "Where'd you go?"

"Nothing- I mean... nowhere," he said. In the distance, he could see an approaching figure. He recognized the silhouette of their messenger dragon, Mina.

"Good morning, my Lord!" the mauve dragon greeted as she gave a curtsy. "My Lady."

"Good morning, Mina," Ember replied.

"What news from the west?" Spike asked. Mina made regular trips to Fillydelphia to exchange international correspondences. She reached into her bag, retrieving a scroll.

"Just the one, sire," she said. Ember reached out to take the scroll. Mina pulled away. "Addressed to Lord Spike, My Lady." Spike took the scroll. It was sealed with a stylistic 'R'. It had been decades since he'd last seen the symbol, but he recognized it right away. He broke the seal and opened it immediately, reading the contents. He crushed it in his claws and incinerated it as soon as he finished.

"I need to go back to Equestria. Now."

"What is it? Business or pleasure?" Ember asked.

"Neither," Spike said, gritting his teeth. "It's Rarity..." Ember followed him to the edge of the cliff by the sea. He spread his wings wide preparing to take off. He looked back at Ember, giving her a kiss farewell. "She's dying."

It was a day's trip non-stop across the sea, as the pegasus flies. Spike flew into Ponyville the following morning. For the passage of so many years, the town hadn't changed all that much. The last time he'd been here was for Applejack's funeral. And Pinkie Pie's before that. Rainbow Dash's had been held in Cloudsdale.

The ponies about town didn't run in terror in the presence of the imposing dragon. They understood that the citizens of Draconia were allies. All the same, most kept a safe distance. Spike paid them no heed as he made for the front door of the Carousel Boutique. He ducked his head, just barely able to get inside.

In the boutique's parlor, several ponies were gathered. Among them was Princess Twilight Sparkle, just as she looked when he first met Ember, if but a bit taller.

"Spike!" Twilight greeted enthusiastically.

"Twilight."

"I'm glad you made it," she said. "She's... been asking for you." They each looked to the stairs. A yellow pegasus was helping an elderly white unicorn downstairs. Spike moved assist Rarity, but saw by her cutie mark that it was instead Sweetie Belle. She was old. Little foals scampered to her.

"Granny Sweets! Granny Sweets!" they called out. Spike stood there in shock. The little Sweetie Belle he had known was a grandmare now. Beside her, helping her down was Fluttershy. She hadn't aged a day. Discord's meddling, Spike assumed.

"Spike!" Fluttershy greeted. "It's good to see you again." Spike didn't reply. "She... she's upstairs," she said, stepping aside. Even Twilight took a step back to clear his way. Spike slowly walked upstairs to Rarity's bedroom. The stairs creaked beneath his weight, but held strong.

Upstairs her door was slightly ajar. He gave it a gentle push open, poking his head inside.

"Spike?" Rarity whimpered from the bed. Rarity squinted in his direction as she fumbled for her glasses.

"How did you know it was me?" he asked.

"For someone your size, I don't need to be able to see. I could hear you coming," she said. "Celestia's already visited, and Big Mac's been dead for years. It's a little late for him to haunt me." She affixed her glasses, and looked at him standing nervously in the doorway. "Won't you come in?" Spike brushed his crest back a bit and nervously walked in. "Please." Rarity motioned to the floor beside her bed.

"So..." he tried, trailing off back into silence.

"So, here you are," Rarity said. "And here I am. How do I look? I want to be ready for my big day tomorrow." Rarity was old. But it would be hard to tell at first glance. Her mane was in curling rollers. It was the same crisp indigo it had always been. But Spike's sensitive dragon nose could smell the chemicals of her hair dye. Her grey roots were nearly indistinguishable from her white coat. Her regular trips to the spa had kept her mostly free of wrinkles, except for the crows-feet at the corners of her eyes. She had been a mare that smiled a lot. But he could see it, the age on her. It was in her eyes. They looked tired.

"You're beautiful," he said.

"Liar. I have mirrors, you know. I'm old."

"You don't look it."

"I do. I do look old. I feel old. I can feel it in my joints." She winced as she adjusted herself in the bed, but then smiled a little. "Not bad for 111. We'll see how you look when you're my age."

"Rarity, I'm... 93," he said. She looked at him. At 93 he was a young adult dragon. He was in the youthful prime of his life. He looked back at her. "You're beautiful."

"Do you really think so?" she asked, brushing a couple stray hairs out of her face. "You still think I look beautiful?"

"I said you are beautiful," he said. "You always taught me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And that true beauty is more than fur-deep."

"You remember that?" she asked.

"Of course. How could I forget!?" He took her hoof in his hands. "I love you." Rarity quickly looked away, blinking back her tears. She wasn't prepared for him to say it so freely.

"Still?" she asked, still facing away.

"Always," he answered, resolutely. She slowly turned back to him.

"Spike... being a hopeless romantic like this- it's not attractive to carry a flame for somepony for so long," she said.

"I don't care," he said. "I'm not afraid to say it."

"Have you ever considered how it might feel to hear it?" she asked. He didn't know how to respond. She sighed. "I wasn't lying when I wrote to you. I'm dying."

"No, no you're not," Spike said in a patronizing tone. "Twilight could make you some more of those youth tonics, or or Discord could-" Rarity put her hoof up to stop him.

"Spike, I don't want any of that. I'm dying, and I've accepted it. I need you to accept it as well."

"You want to die?" he asked.

"I don't want to live forever, Spike. My husband is dead. I've been a widow for 36 years. I've had to bury almost all of my friends. Do you think that Fluttershy is happy to see her children become senior citizens while she lingers on in her youth? She looks like she's one of her own grandfoals. She'll have to attend her own foals' funerals. And all because Discord is too selfish to be able to let her go. You need to let me go, Spike. That's why I never told you that I loved you, too."

"What!?" Spike was aghast. "You loved me too?"

"Of course I did. How could I not? You were always such a gentleman. You were so kind, and sweet. You were perfect. I knew you loved me. Everypony did. But I couldn't be with you."

"W- Why!?" Spike cried. "You were all I ever wanted!"

"Spike, darling, I couldn't do that to you. It would have been selfish of me to keep you for myself."

"I don't understand!"

"Spike, I wanted you to be able to have your own life for yourself. I heard that you have a family of your own now. A- uh, what is it, a litter of hatchlings?"

"A clutch."

"Oh, hehe, learn something new everyday. Are you not happy in Draconia, with Ember?"

"But Rarity, I love you!"

"I know, Spike. That's not what I asked. Are you not happy with Ember? Does she not also have your love?"

"I- I- Yes. Yes, I'm happy with Ember. I do love her," he begrudgingly admitted. Rarity smiled.

"That's good. I wanted you to have a family. I wanted to have foals of my own. I couldn't have done that with you."

"We could have adopted!" he shouted. "We could have- have- We could have made it work! We would have! I loved you! I would have done anything to make it work! You know that! I wanted to spend all this time with you! This isn't fair! Why didn't you tell me? Why would you make me suffer like this!?" he growled.

Rarity's smile faded.

"Do you think me cruel?" she asked. "Do you think that adoption had never occurred to me at all. So many nights I imagined our little foals, running about. And you as their father. You... by my side..." she trailed off, stretching her hoof to the other side of the bed. "This is a big bed. Too big for just one pony, alone at night."

"Rarity, I could- I could have-"

"No. You had Ember."

"But I wanted you, Rare."

"I love you Spike. And there have been so many nights when I wished that I had done things differently. Giving up a life with you was the most generous thing I've ever done."

"But- but how is that at all generous!? You were the only thing I ever wanted and you kept me from it!"

"Please don't be angry with me. I didn't want you to have to watch me get old and die. And then watch our children die, and their children. I didn't want you to not have children of your own. You must understand."

"But it's not too late. I- I could have Twilight do a t-time travel spell, and we could start all over!" Spike said, jittery. "We could have the life we were meant to have!"

"Spike, would you damn my children to never exist for your own desire?"

"No, I- I just... I could just not go to Draconia! I'd stay here, with you. And we could still... love each other."

"Spike, no! I was always faithful to my husband. How could you even think to ask that? Do you really think so little of me?"

"I- Rarity, I just- I-"

"Spike, I've had a long, happy life. A full life, full of friends, and family. But I never forgot about you. That was why I wanted you to be here, now. Not Twilight. Not Celestia. Not my foals. You."

"But why?" he sobbed.

"Because I knew that you loved me. Because I knew that you would feel great sadness when I was gone. But I didn't want that feeling to be regret."

"Regret!?"

"Spike, I don't want you to regret your life. I don't want you to leave here dwelling on what might have been. I want you to be happy."

"But I can't lose you! Not again!" Spike held her hoof tightly, crying into her bedding. "I've only just found out about how you felt! You can't die!"

"Spike... I can. But it's okay. It's going to be okay. Death is a part of life. Death is what makes life worth living. It gives you a deadline to do the things that you want to do. What you really want to do. It focuses your priorities." She ran her hoof along his scales as he sobbed. "Shhh. Shhh. I've always been so good with deadlines. I wanted to make sure I did this last thing for you. But... could I ask one thing of you?" she asked. His head popped up.

"Of course, Rarity! Anything!"

"Have a good life, Spike. Do good."

"Um, I think you mean, do well."

"No Spike, I mean do good. Promise me, won't you?"

"I, yes, I promise," he said. She laid back into her pillow.

"I've had a good life Spike. I've had a fabulous life. And I always cherished your part in it." Rarity yawned. "I'm so tired, Spike. Could you help put my sleep mask on?" she asked.

"Sure." He gently pulled the strap back on the mask and let it rest over her eyes.

"Thank you darling. I need my beauty rest."

"Rarity, you- you can't die. You said you had a big day tomorrow, right?

"Oh yes. I should think everypony will be coming to see me..."

"What are you-" he caught himself and got a lump in his throat. She wouldn't be debuting any new fashion line this time. The ponies would be coming to see her at her funeral. "R-Rare- I agh, I love you!" Spike could barely get the words out.

"Spike," Rarity tried to say, hearing him cry.

"I'm sorry!"

"Spike, I need you to be strong. When... when I'm gone... I don't want you to cry. I don't want you to say that you love me. I don't want you to say that you're sorry. That's not what I want."

"What do you want?" he asked, wiping his eyes.

"I want you to kiss me. One last time. When I'm gone, I want you to kiss me goodbye. And then I want you to go home, to your family, and live. I want you to have a good life. I want you to have a fabulous life for me," she said. Spike sat there in silence. "Promise me you will do that."

"Rarity-"

"Promise me that you will do that for me, darling."

"I promise."

"Thank you, Spike. That- it means a lot to me that you do that." Rarity laid still for a bit. Spike sat there by her side. Tears ran down his cheeks. He promised that he wouldn't let her see him cry. But she had her sleep mask on now. He cried as quietly as possible. After several minutes, Rarity spoke again. "Spike?"

"Yes, Rarity?" he said, quickly wiping his eyes.

"Sing to me. Sing me that dragon song of yours. You know which one."

"What? N-no it's, it's stupid."

"Then sing me that stupid dragon song. Please, my love. For me?"

"Yes, my love," Spike croaked out, "Ahem," trying to clear his throat.

"A dragon is the finest creature ever.
There's more to him than just guarding treasure.
Be he for a flying ride,
or for fighting by your side,
A dragon's a companion, for now... and for-ever."

"How was that, Rare?" Spike asked after the verse. "Rarity? Rarity!"

She looked so still. One would have thought her asleep, were it not for the absence of her chest rising and falling. The realization hit Spike with the force of a train. She was gone. He clenched his eyes, clutched his chest, and quickly turned away. His mouth gaped in a silent scream. He was unable to cry out the long vowels of a wail, only a few stifled consonants as his throat closed up. For all the pain he'd felt in his life, all the fights, and challenges, falls and crashes, none came close. Nothing compared to the feeling of his heart ripping in half. He breathed at last, in short, stifled breaths. But he promised that he wouldn't cry. He'd cried enough tonight. He promised he would be strong. He waited to regain his composure. He would need to go downstairs and bear the bad news. But first...

He leaned over the bed, brought himself down to her beautiful face, and he kissed her cheek.

.

"Goodbye."

.

.

http://ratherdevious.deviantart.com/art/Forever-and-Always-387788118