Letters from an Evil Empress

Chapters

Friendship is not as important as me - Part 1
Friendship is not as important as me - Part 2
I am the Real Ticket Master
Another Season of Stubbornness
Bonus: Orange you glad?
Bonus: I was Untouchable, Your Majesty
I Give the Biggest Brush-Offs
No one Busts my Boasts
Go ahead and be Shy, who cares?
Awwwww, and we Really Wanted to Take Down a Dragon...
I'm Looking. Don't be Surprised if I Facehoof Infinity+2
Bonus: Hey, Dad
Unbridled Asinineness
Wrap it up, Twi
Game of Cuties
You Were Suited for Redressing
Is Anyone Keener than Pinkie?
Wish One of our Wonderbolts could do a Sonic Rainboom...
Master of Staring and Wondering What Went Wrong
Stop the Show, Letter Time
Damaged Dogs, Hooves up, Pony
Green is your Color, and you Should Wear it More Often
I'm Going to Start Throwing Barrels, You Should Jump Over
The Little Sunny Chronicles
Many Mysteries of Daybreaker's Dungeons Part 1
Owls Are Swell, But, Dragons Are More So...
Many Mysteries of Daybreaker's Dungeons Part 2
Party for Science
Usually the Most Boring Night Ever
Return of my Evil Ex Part 1
Return of my Evil Ex Part 2
Nightmare Eclipsed
The Cutie Probs
Looks like Best Pet Won
Bonus: Sweetie Drops, Ponyville 01
Bonus: The Sweet Spy
Bonus: Least you're not Billy Goat Gruff
They're Swarmin' All Over
Don't be Fall Weather Foes
A Bird on the Shoulder, a Prank in the Hoof
Many Mysteries of Daybreaker's Dungeons Part 3
Many Mysteries of Daybreaker's Dungeons Part 4
Maybe One Lesson Learned
FIREHOOVES SUNNY SOCIAL

Friendship is not as important as me - Part 1

Dear Twilight Sparkle…

...I cannot even begin to fathom how you did not think that this was a dumb idea beforehoof. I mean, I am your queen! I am over a millenium old!

Didn’t any shots fire inside that mulberry cranium of yours’, that I might know a whole lot more about this than you do? Than you ever will? I mean, I am practically the sun, you know! There’s a lot of things I know that you don’t! Like, all of the former threats to Equestria! ...I mean, not that there are very many of them that I personally think are going to be relevant in the near future! I-

...I’m getting off track. The point is, my dear student—although, my job as a teacher is clearly one that you couldn’t even begin to respect less, so, I’m not sure how long ‘dear’ is going to stay in effect here—Is that you should have only written if you had figured out something new in regards to this.

Although, I honestly doubt that you would have ‘found’ anything new, except from a local crackpot. Though, I do occasionally accept theories from Miss Heartstrings. That’s how we found Brad! Oh, I’m sure you’d love Brad, especially if you went to this world, but, we’re currently holding him. Not for long, just to figure out all the non-obvious differences between him and local guard, Flash Sentry. We’ll be sure to put him back, in one piece.

More or less, ehehhehehe…

Ahem! Anyway, I’m sending you to Ponyville. For what reason? ...Uhhhhhhhh- Oh, right, that’s where my special sunny day celebration’s gonna be held~ Yeah, go there, whip those peasants into shape for my arrival! Be sure to use an actual whip if you nee- ...What’s that? Oh. I’m being told that Mayor Mare has officially outlawed whips in Ponyville, except for ‘private’ use.

Stupid, responsible, Mayor Mare...Oh, I know what she’s gonna use hers’ for, she can’t fool her queen...

...Anyway, get there ASAP! Like, right now! ...I can tell you’re moping, Twilight. Don’t make me come over there...

Annoyed,

Empress Daybreaker

P.S.: Why does my room stink like egg…?

Oh, Hoity! Good, you’re here! Tell me, when I inevitably have to face the completely inferior Nightmare Moon, do you think this dress will look good on me?

It makes me look like a what now?

...How dare you call your own queen fat.

Yeah? Well, those shades are horribly outdated! Thirty years ago called, they want their sunglasses back! And, that hair! Somepony’s obviously trying too hard.

...Yeah, yeah, stop blubbering, I know, this dress looks amazing on me~

Friendship is not as important as me - Part 2

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

Gotta admit, you did a pretty good job there, weakening Nightmare Moon like that! Now, I know you might be somewhat upset that you hadn’t changed her back completely to what she used to be. I mean, it is very odd that the Elements of Harmony don’t seem to be at full power just yet. Really, I haven’t the faintest idea how that could be! Honestly!

But, anyway, it was a very nice parade. Most of the ponies were cheering for me the whole time! And, the rest soon followed, after I turned the peasant who threw the Tomato at Nightmare into ash. Why, they even began cheering for Nightmare right after! I’m sure she’ll appreciate that, and, I appreciate that she will, for reasons that I just cannot explain to even my dearest pupil~

Although, after the parade, I realized that you may have noticed a certainnn...Spot on my face. Well, let me go ahead and make sure that this clear as crystal to you, so that you may remain healthy for years to come.

The black eye I got? It. Was. Nothing.

Really, I probably just accidentally slept on the ink fountain, that’s all! And, if you try to say it is much more than that, please try and remember who your greatest teacher is, and why you should only be focusing on your own beeswax…

Oh, and, on another note, Nightmare’s already fitting in pretty well here in the castle in Canterlot! Why, she’s already gotten most of our servants referring to her as ‘Your Majesty’, instead of ‘Vile Moon Spawn’! And, I’m sure that with time, all of the smart ones will refer to her just as the former, before certain actions have to be executed…

...Oh, and, you and your five new allies-I’ll call them ‘friends’ when I actually think they deserve it, not just because a few magic rocks thought they did-will be giving your new elements to me for safekeeping as soon as possible. Why? Well, to be perfectly, I don’t trust any of you not to try using the Elements for your own kicks. I consider these incredibly powerful gems, and, they will not be played with by you six. Submit them to my immensely secured vault for safekeeping immediately, or I will have to consider it treason. And, I have so much fun with even non-lethal treason punishments~

You better give those elements to me right away,

Empress Daybreaker

P.S.: Tell Spike to come get his stinky, and incredibly smelly eggshell out from my closet as soon as he’s possibly able. Sure, it’s the highest compliment from a dragon his age, but, I’m going to have to use my strongest perfumes on this room, just to hide the smell before it gets too awful.

Ah, Sister, good, you’re here! I was just about ready to call you in for a talk.

Yes, this is regarding the new order of power. From now on, you’re the second highest power in the land. As long as you don’t do anything too obvious that I wouldn’t want you to, there’s no power higher than you, except for me.

Daily attempts to usurp me, and try and take me out for good? Why, there’s nothing I’d like more~ But, don’t forget, I have much more experience with this game than you do. Oh, and, about my eye-

...No, you just got a lucky shot.

I’m telling you, you just got a lucky shot in, that’s all!

...Well, whatever you’d like to think, Moony.

I am the Real Ticket Master

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

Well, I have to admit, I wasn’t entirely expecting this result. I mean, sure, almost anyone can become ‘friends’ under the right circumstances, at least for a short period of time. I’m sure you can forgive me if I didn’t expect your hastily made friendships to remain.

And, yet, I must also confess...I did have your ‘friends’ in mind when I sent just the two tickets~

Now, hear me out before you get all fire horse on me—Although, we both know that’s my job, and, no one will ever be as good at it as moi—Tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala are considered not just a prize to allow one access to potential high standing. They’re also a gateway to a plethora of other opportunities. I knew that if I sent only two, and your friends found out about the extra ticket, that they’d fight over it, and that many of them would try to do you favors...And, potentially other things as well~

Like, in one of my favorite series, by G. R. R. Maretin himself, many things are a game. A Dangerous game, but, a game nonetheless. Sadly, though, that Stallion keeps on taking longer and longer with his books. I’m really starting to wish that plans for this ‘Television’ thing would hurry up and come into fruition. Maybe someone could make a fun series of episodes about it. Sure, they’d probably have to change things, but, who knows, maybe they’d actually finish the plot of the books before he can…

But, anyway, yes, the two tickets were basically sent as a test. A test to see which of your ‘friends’ were smart, ambitious, and greedy enough for the tickets, that they’d basically do anything that they could to get their hooves on the tickets. Honestly, I wish I was there myself! Probably would have been really fun, seeing those five scramble around like that, trying to earn your extra ticket~

...But, of course, while I’ve done this sort of thing before with other ponies, I must admit, I didn’t think about how you would react to such a decision, if these five were truly your friends. You were probably pretty worn out trying to figure these things out.

But, you ended up choosing something that I did not expect. Apparently, these five really do mean something more to you than I previously thought, and vice versa. That, or they’re very good at pretending to be your friends. Either way, you seem to have five fully capable allies, that will be at your side for years to come.

So, enclosed here are six tickets, one for each of you. I hope you all find a way to enjoy yourselves at the Gala.

Impressed and Amused,

Empress Daybreaker

P.S.: If any of you break my student’s heart, I’ll break your backs…

P.P.S: Also, I’ll be sending another ticket for Spike. He may try to act all macho sometimes, but, I know he’s just as hyped for this as the rest of you are.

Ah, Nightmare, there you are! Is that a spork you’re trying to hide?

...You were going to stab me with a spork.

Yes, clearly, you have been out of practice.

Anyway, that aside, I’ve been thinking...We don’t have as big a spy network as I like, and, we hardly have much of one in Ponyville. I really need to fix that.

Agent Sweetie Drops? Are you sure she’s the best for it?

...Yes, I think she’s the best for it as well.

Alright, Agent Sweetie Drops it is! I’m sure she’d enjoy that a lot~

Another Season of Stubbornness

My Utterly Adorable Student,

I take it from your most recent letter that you’ve finally gotten to see how truly stubborn the Apples can be? That’s why you should never dare them. I honestly never thought Granny would go for the whole ‘flying unicycle through a ring of fire’ ordeal. But, obviously, I learned very quick that the Apples have their pride, as well as the willpower to do anything they set their minds to. That’s why you should never mess with the Apple family.

But, before we talk further about that, I really want to talk with you about how that trophy ceremony went.

From what I’ve heard, you let your friends interrupt your speech at every conceivable point. You never ever got to finish it! You should have gotten very first turn, but, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy simply couldn’t help themselves, could they? And, neither could Mayor Mare, apparently, but, I thought that she was professional and patient enough to allow my favorite—yet overly sentimental—student to get through her speech fully. Yet, apparently, I was mistaken.

I really need to talk with her about that…

Anyway, you have no need to fear anymore, for, I myself have had moments where I needed to put my nobles in line. In one particular instance, where Jetset, Pink Slip, and a whole swath of other high class ponies were constantly interrupting my very important speech. Here are some very choice words I had for all of them.

‘By the gods above even me, I swear, if you do not shut your cake holes, you are going to regret it! Jetset, I don’t care about the fancy blouse your wife got at Marecy’s! Pink Slip, you are a terrible boss, and a terrible manager. There’s a reason none of your workers respect you at all. If I was the owner of your business, I would fire you not just a million times, but a trillion billion times! If I do not get through my speech in the next ten minutes, all your fancy mane- and taildos will burn! DO YOU HEAR ME?! BURN! YOU WILL HAVE TO WEAR TOUPEES AND TAILPEES FOR MONTHS!’

Well, I’ll be damned if that didn’t make the whole audience become as quiet as the grave. You see, Twilight? You have to stop caring about what other ponies think, if they won’t give you the simplest satisfaction of saying what you think. You can’t let other ponies push you around. Well, except for me, of course, maybe Nightmare. Infact, I know a self-help minotaur who should be stopping in town sometime this year. He’s a really good friend, and, I’ve always admired the cut of his jib. You should really check his seminars out. Heck, I can even convince him to let you attend one for free, if you want!

Now, back to the Apples.

Granny Smith is the matriarch, and truest power in the family. Most of the Apples still living today are either her children or grandchildren. The Ponyville Branch has some relation to the Oranges, who are a pretty wealthy Manehatten family, whom I am also pretty familiar with.

But, back to the Apples.

Granny can be adorable, but, don’t let that fool you. She can have her own mischievious moments, and, oh, do I ever love that so~

I don’t know as much about her grandchildren, but, she still writes, so, I think I know enough, and, I’ve met the older two at least once or twice. Macintosh may not talk much, but, he has a keen mind. He’s obviously the brains of the siblings. Applejack—your ‘friend’, though I’m guessing that word is starting to seem more fitting’—is definitely one of the most stubborn apples ever. Reminds me of both Granny, and their aunt Jonagold. That mare—their aunt Jonagold, I mean—set the record for tastiest apples in Fillydelphia, fifteen years running. And, she was just using her rusty old plow that entire time. Firm, stubborn, yet exceedingly clever. Granny really does know how to raise ‘em right.

The youngest one, Apple Plume, I think? I...Honestly don’t know much about her. She’s cute, I think? You probably know more than I do, since I assume you’ve met her at least once.

Anyway, I’m not as sure of Applejack being the right ally for you as of your most recent letter, but, like I said, she’s an Apple, and she can do anything she sets her heart on. You could really learn a lot from her. But, try not to let this happen too often. I don’t want Granny complaining about my personal protege.

Oh, and, remember, Twilight Sparkle: Aggressive. Make all those would be interruptions fear you, and what you’ll do to them if they make you angry enough~

Still the best advice giver ever,

Empress Daybreaker

P.S.: Would you mind asking Granny if she could visit? I just realized after I finished writing that I really miss her. I have her favorite Canterlot Cider, so, that should be all the encouragement she nee-

OW!

Huh. I didn’t even know you had the patience or skill for training killer bees, sis.

I’m impressed.

Come on, lets go out for pie.

No, I won’t let them get away with serving soft crust pies again. The texture is the best part aside from the flavor, after all.

Yes, you can have as much Chocolate Cream Pie as you can eat.

Yeah, you can send them to the dungeon if they don’t give you a spork. Though, I still think forks are better.

Bonus: Orange you glad?

Author's Note

Alright, so, I'll be doing another bonus chapter today. Be sure to check out the author's notes on that if you want to know what's going on update wise for at least the rest of the week.

Bonus: Orange you glad?

Dear Clementine Orange,

Your older niece seems to be doing quite well in Ponyville. Sure, she’s another stubborn Apple, but, of course, I think that can only help her in the long run. As long as she doesn’t overwork herself, or continually try to do the heavy, long tasks all alone, I think she’ll be fine.

Now, the latest reports I’ve been getting from Manehatten seem to indicate that your secret little criminal empire is doing remarkably well in Manehatten! Although, it wouldn’t be going anywhere without my secret support or your management skills, of course. I think we’ve really done some good for Manehatten, while providing ourselves an extra bit of bit flow as well~ However, remember what I told you, and stay away from the extra dark biz. Of course, I know you’re a classy mare, and, are probably already hard at working getting rid of those elements from the shining metropolis as we speak.

Though, while your business is doing rather good, I know about the competition.

Al Capony.

The stallion with a thousand secrets hidden in his closet. The only one in Manehatten with a criminal empire that could possibly rival yours’. Everyone knows that he’s up to some illegal business, but, no one can find a way to tangle him up, and send him down the river.

That’s the real reason I’m writing. I want you to handle this, and for good. But, I don’t want your ponies causing overly risky shoot outs, just to get a shot at him. You need to handle this quietly, without any civilian deaths. I can try to get the mayor to lighten up on your people, but, that could lead to suspicion, and the next mayor might not fear me as much as he does.

Get this done quickly and quietly.

Counting on you,

Empress Daybreaker

Bonus: I was Untouchable, Your Majesty

Dear Empress Daybreaker,

I am writing back to you after finally managing to deal with the Capony situation. Although, actually, it took barely a few days at all.

After I received your most recent letter, my contacts in the city and I quickly got to work not only researching, but spying on criminal activity in the city that didn’t belong to any of my operations. We looked to the best of our ability. I had your agents do their best to interrogate Capony’s men, but, we weren’t able to turn up anything concrete, no matter how much squealing the less loyal did.

So, I decided we should start getting more organized, checking out some suspect warehouses. Oh, the organized agents and my people found plenty of goons, no doubt about that, but still no concrete links. Then, we checked the docks. Then the boats themselves, a few restaurants that ponies believed that Al Capony ate at frequently.

I was starting to lose hope. But, then, I found out that the catering company that Mosely owned was one frequently hired by Al Capony for big events. And, it was at that very moment that I heard opportunity knocking.

That very next night, at some big party that Capony himself was at, I chatted him up, flattered him. He was actually a fairly charming pony. A real gentlecolt. At least, to some degree. I couldn’t tell how much of it was real though. But, it didn’t really matter. He had no idea what kind of pony I really was. He probably thought I was just another high class mare. He thought wrong

Despite how secretive he could be, the foal actually lowered his guard. I had a couple of your agents and my boys sneak into one of his places, and, guess what they found?

The idiot never paid his taxes! And, so, as it turned out, the one he had reason to fear the most all along, was the IRS.

I’m assuming you know by the time you receive this letter that he was arrested the very next morning. And, so, our own operations remain, without any real contest. Oh, sure, his lieutenants are probably attempting to make it big themselves, but, they’re too scattered, small and disorganized. We’ll take them out easily. Manehatten is ours’ once again, my Empress. No one has a snowflake’s chance in Tartarus of ever opposing us again.

Cheers,

Mrs. Clementine Orange.

Author's Note

Alright, so, consider this the last of the double bonus letters each day for now.

I'm going to be publishing two episode chapters tomorrow, one for Griffon the Brush-Off, and one for Boast Busters. The former will be published at 11 AM/12 PM CDT/EST, and the latter at 2:00 PM CDT/EST.

Won't be publishing any chapters Friday.

Expect at least one episode chapter on Saturday, and one on Sunday.

I Give the Biggest Brush-Offs

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

First off, I’m not exactly sure how to respond to that ‘friendship lesson’ you gave to me at the end. I think you need to do a bit more studying regarding ‘false’ friends and allies. Such things can’t always be confirmed so quickly…

I also think you need to do a bit more studying on Griffon culture. I know I haven’t sent you very many books on the subject, but, I thought that what you would at least read what I did send. I’m feeling a bit irritated with you to be honest, Twilight. You may be my best student now, but, I still have standards to uphold, and, I expect you to uphold them to the best of your ability.

Although, perhaps it’s not strictly your fault. You might have not felt any reason to read on them up to this point, or, perhaps you’ve only read about ‘Nomad’ griffons, the ones who’ve broken away from mainstream griffon society. Or, maybe you thought she was just another immigrant like Gustave le Grande, who found a way to integrate himself into pony society quite nicely.

Well, you’re mistaken. She’s a citizen of Griffonstone-Though, I use the term ‘citizen’ very loosely, and, I’ll explain why in a future letter-the main capital of Griffonkind. And, much to my surprise, I’ve found out she’s the granddaughter of old Gruff himself!

That old buzzard. I never thought his son would have a chance in Tartarus with a lovely griffon girl, but, clearly, I’ve been proven wrong. He still owes me 50 bits. I knew he was cheating somehow when he showed that talon of aces. Do you know just how astronomically rare it is for someone to get a full hoof of aces? Still, he’s a clever buzzard, and, probably the one griffon I know the best. And, you know why he would never admit to cheating?

Because the griffons of Griffonstone have pride! Theirs’ is a ~~magni~~ ~~stupen~~ It’s a really nice city, okay? Trust me.

Anyway, their own form of bullheaded pride comes with an arrogance almost surpassing even mine, along with a deep set of trust issues. If they won’t let themselves be made foals of by other griffons, they’ll definitely object to a pony doing so. It’s in their nature.

Granted, I still like playing the foal on occasion, but almost everyone’s smart enough to know not to mess with me. And, if they haven’t figured out before then, well- They certainly do right after~

But, griffons will alway see themselves with something to prove. The majority of them are greedy, possessive, and distrusting, and, one doesn’t find the right way of reasoning with them, there’s a high chance you’ll make an enemy for life when you mess with a griffon.

Read up on your griffons, Twilight. You will need it for the future.

Also, I’m thinking of giving Fluttershy that free ticket for the next Iron Will seminar in Ponyville instead. I know one can be all sweet and soft in their own time—though, don’t you dare be getting any ideas about me—but, I think she need tos toughen up a bit. Trust me, Iron Will knows what he’s doing~

Also, keep the pink one under control.

You know not what horrors she might unleash…

It makes even me shudder to think about.

Listen to me more,

Empress Daybreaker

Mmmmm...UGgghhhhh! What is in this stuff?

Sister, did you try to poison me again?

Well, I’ll admit it, it is a very rare one...Unfortunately for you, I’ve been drinking little sips of this type for centuries. I am completely immune by now~

Awwwwww, don’t be upset, you couldn’t have known!

...Tell you what, I’ll help you plot the demise of that noble who tried to have you committed. Sound good?

Yes, you can give his corpse a few good kickings once we’re done.

No one Busts my Boasts

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

Oy vey.

First off, it’s verrryyy interesting that you’re sending me this letter the day after I hear news regarding a cocky street magician, as well as some...Intrigueing reports about an Ursa Minor.

I’m not sure either you, Spike, or your friends are aware of this, but, hyping themselves up, and entertaining an audience is basically a magician’s job. They have lots of magic and stage tricks, because that’s what entertains audiences, especially ones that rarely get to see magic such as your own. On the stage, they’re actually meant to act boastful, flashy and extremely exaggerative.

In other words, my kind of ponies~Though, of course, I never exaggerate whatsoever.

Irvin the Stupendous is my personal Canterlot court magician. He’s boastful, yet a flatterer. Flashy, yet cunning. Exaggerative, but knows whose the real power in Canterlot. He’s been court magician for over thirty years, and only once or twice have I really ever found fault with him, because, he knows me so well, and makes sure the audience knows that I’m truly the greatest equine to ever live~

...Although, I’ve heard that this Ponyville magician has said otherwise, but, I’ll let her live. Despite overhyping herself to the point where two young colts led a giant—yet not so giant compared to his mother—conscious constellation bear into Ponyville, she was still able to escape scott free, and, if this had never happened, I never would have gotten to laugh so hard about something so ridiculous as your playing nanny to an Ursa Minor.

After your newest unicorn friend has gained a bit more experience, I actually think I could find some use for her~

...But, if you thought you were getting off easy, think again. True, I would have never discovered new talent, or laughed at the best report about an astral bear ever written, but, you still represent me in Ponyville, Twilight.

I’m feeling pretty cross about the fact that you didn’t just take her off her high horse—Pardon my puns, you know I love them so—and send her packing straight out of Ponyville. Then, absolutely everyone in your new adorable hick home would know that the student of the Empress is not to be trifled with.

Am I gonna punish you though, despite the fact that you were acting chicken for just long enough? ...No. No, I’m not going to punish you at all.

Though, I want you to remember that I have ways of finding things out, Twilight. And, in the end, I always get what I want~

Adore me,

Empress Daybreaker

P. S.: Don’t you dare tell Granny Smith that I called Ponyville a hick town. The mare has a wicked left hook, even for me…

Ah, good, Agent Sweetie Drops. I was wondering when you were going to report back.

Excellent! With that, my modern Equestrian Spy network is finally complete~ Soon, ponies won’t even be able to eat quiches without me knowing!

AhAha! AAAHAHAHHAAHAHAH!

...Yes, you can start your new assignment. Your new identity has been finished, and, you’ll finally get to talk to that minty-colored unicorn you’re always looking at.

How did I know? Oh, dear Sweetie Drops, how don’t I know these things~?

Oh, and, before you head back, be sure to grab one of those quesadilla-making kits, and deliver it to the Ponyville library.

Yessss, definitely one of the extra cheesy ones~

Author's Note

Alright, so, actually, I'm gonna do two bonus letters tomorrow, having to do with Daybreaker and Grandpa Gruff,

Go ahead and be Shy, who cares?

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

So, yeah, you might have noticed by now—At least, I’m hoping you’ve noticed by now, otherwise, we might need to think about getting you some contacts—that there’s some smoke coming from a mountain to far away from Equestria. And, it’s not just coming from the mountain, of course, it’s coming from a dragon inside of the mountain. An old ex of mine, to be exact. Not husband, of course, just ex-boyfriend, and, were only together for a year.

Ugggghhhhh, why I didn’t listen to Starswirl when he was telling us to be cautious when dating draconic beings, I’ll never know…

Anyway, My ex—Whose name is Oregano, probably the most ridiculous dragon name ever, now that I think about it—is probably just deciding to nap there in that specific cave just to get back at me! He really was just pretending to be a good boyfriend for me!

...Although, now that I think about it, he was kind of always a lousy boyfriend...He set nobles that I actually liked on fire, just because they accidentally called him some other herb name by mistake! He destroyed my favorite ancient gelato shop, he used pies to hire a chimera to try and slay one of my 26th-removed nieces, just because I supposedly forgot his birthday—It wasn’t for months, and, he, infact, had completely forgotten about my own birthday the day before—And, he even wrecked the Hoofer Dam!

Here’s something that you should remember for all time, Twilight: Adult Dragons suck. Never let Spike grow up, or, he’ll probably break somepony else’s heart.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure I’ll get things handled, soon enough. I guess you could try and reason with him, but, you’ll never reason with him. He’s not the type of being who’ll go for a friendship lesson, and, he won’t be stopped. And, he’s not a wild ~~animal~~—At least, not in the technical sense—So, don’t even bother bringing ~~Fluttersh~~

Damnit, the quill leaked!

Ehhhhhh, whatever. Like I said, try if you want, but don’t be too hopeful…

Depressed,

Empress Daybreaker

Nightmare, not now, I-

...Wait, what? How’d you-?

Who told you?

...Well, I guess it doesn’t matter anyway. Either I’m going to have to destroy that mountain, and create the biggest eyesore in Equestria, or, I’ll have to deal with smoke for the next hundred years.

I can’t believe he’s doing this to me. Even if I did kick him real hard in the snout before telling him we’re breaking up, I-

! Y-you’re hugging me?

I don’t buy it. C’mon, let’s see what you’ve got in your hooves.

...They really are empty. You really-

Snf! Y-you really are the best little sister ever…~

No, no, you can keep hugging all you want. Maybe we can even figure out a solution while we’re doing this?

It’s an official Royal Sister Project then~ No dumb ex of mine is gonna ruin our- Er, my country!

Author's Note

Consider the crossed-out spots to be where the pen leaked.

Expect the second part between 5 and 6 PM CDT/EST, and Gruff's reply between 7 and 8 PM CDT/EST

Awwwww, and we Really Wanted to Take Down a Dragon...

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

Huh. You actually beat us to it. And, here I thought you might actually not be up for the challenge.

Nightmare and I had actually developed a plan, one we thought would be pretty foal proof! And, fun! Villainously fun, even~

First, my dear sister would go into the cave, with me sneaking in from behind, using a potion I got from a certain friend of mine. Then, she would start flirting with my Ex, telling him that he’s pretty hot, and they would make an excellent royal couple together. Well, I know for a fact that when Oregano’s ego flares up, he tends to ignore most of reality, so, I would move in closer, and start casting a record spell. After he puffed himself up enough, Nightmare would then start asking about the Dragon Lord, who Oregano would probably diss quite a bit.

Well, I know Dragon Lord Torch. I know him quite a bit, actually. We’re...Actually still pretty close, hehehe…~

But, anyway, once we had both managed to get out of the cave—Me sneaking out, and Nightmare being let out by her so-called ‘ally’—I would then fly to the Dragon Lord, telling him about what we did, and then playing the recording. And, after that, well, it would be pretty well taken care of. Oregano would either go to Torch, and get smashed, or, Torch would send other dragons to drag him back, and then he would get smashed.

...Did I say in my previous letter that all Adult Dragons were jerks? Cause, Torch is clearly the exception. Rawwwrrr~

Sure, the way he talks might be odd, but, he takes absolutely no crap whatsoever.

And, that is absolutely the best quality to have in a dragon lord, especially one with whom you’re allied.

Although...His daughter is pretty annoying. Last time I talked with Torch, she glared at me, and called me a pretty pony.

I called her a Feldspar Eater, and, Torch let out lots of great big laughs, like it was the funniest thing he ever heard. She probably still hates me, but, she probably also knows better than to mess with me.

Although, I think she could change her mind about ponykind, given the right set of circumstances. HMmmmmmm...Would you, uh- Could you ask Spike if he’d be interested in being Dragon Lord in the future?

Anyway, back to the subject, I clearly got off track.

Sounds like you girls did a pretty good job. An amazing job, actually. Oh, sure, Nightmare and I would have liked to give our plan a try. Probably would have eliminated Oregano permanently, but, eh, oh well, as long as he doesn’t mess with us anymore.

...Still, I can just imagine him get kicked in the snout by Fluttershy. Or, heck, maybe she even brought him down to the level of a simpering puppy!

...AHAHaahaaha, AHAHAHAHAHAH!

Snrk, sorry, couldn’t help myself, Fluttershy acting all furious and making my ex leave a puddle is probably one of the funniest things I’ve ever imagined, even compared to you playing Mama to a giant star bear.

Ah, well, I guess she probably won’t need any help from Iron Will at this point. She can probably handle herself from now on, and isn’t going to let anypony stand in her way.

...Then again, it could have just been a fluke. And, even if it wasn’t, my minotaur friend could probably help her step up her technique a whooole lot more.

So, yeah, he’ll be stopping by eventually, no doubt about it.

Also, I hope you learned a thing or two from Fluttershy this time. You really need to step up your game in Ponyville. And, if not- Well, then, we might have to have a talk that might not be so fun for either of us.

...Well, maybe a little fun for me.

Don’t screw up,

Empress Daybreaker

P.S.: Before Oregano tries to take his full collection with him, try and find a crown for me. A one with a white, fuzzy base, that has purple arrow patterns on said base, and small purple orbs on the tips. I was going to wear it for a future special occasion, but, he stole it from me. I want it back.

Okay, Nightmare, I know we didn’t get to pull off the plan, and I know you’re probably upset, and-

...Are those Red Velvet?

Snf, Snf!

...Huh. No poison, and they actually smell delicious.

Yeah, it is more fun to be evil against dumb nobles and stupid idiots than each other.

...Fiiineee, you can have half of the cupcakes, but, you have to beat me in hoof wrestling to get any more. One per cupcake, and, each time you lose, you have to recite one of Starswirl’s more boring caution speeches. Think you’re up for it?

Good~

Author's Note

So, yeah, expect not only the Look Before you Sleep chapter today, but, the Gruff Reply letter, as well as a Father's Day Bonus Chapter.

I'm Looking. Don't be Surprised if I Facehoof Infinity+2

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

Huh. Well, this sounds interesting. I really wish you would put more details into lessons sometimes. I do get fairly bored sometimes, and it would be nice to have more to imagine.

Oh, well, I guess I’m just going to say it was good of you to make sure your alliances last.

I guess I’m just going to have to end here.

Really, there’s clearly nothing more to talk about here.

Might as well just finish it with a signature.

...Heh, okay, yes, I’m just kidding~

You see, Twilight, I have ways of finding things out. You really shouldn’t even question that, really, it’s in your best interest not to.

Now, I managed to find out from some reliable sources that a certain White Unicorn and Orange Earth Pony were having a bit of a disagreement? In the storm? Really, that’s probably one of the dumbest places to have a disagreement, but, honestly, I’ve disagreed with others in worst circumstances.

There was also something about a tree, but, I’ll come back to that later in the letter.

You had a slumber party, didn’t you? I knew you’d be able to make good use of that slumber party book I gave you years ago, now that you actually have friends~

...But, I’m guessing it went awry, didn’t it? At least for a while. Applejack’s farm mannerisms quickly started to disagree with Rarity’s classy sensibilities, and vice versa. Applejack probably dared Rarity to get dirty, and, Rarity made Applejack wear something overly pretty, classy or both.

They probably ruined almost every single activity you did with them, didn’t they? They probably even ruined sleeping! And, then, you told them as much, because, even you can’t take two ponies going at it to that degree!

Now, at some point after that...There was the tree, wasn’t there?

It is the Apples’ town, more or less, and they probably pride themselves on making sure the trees are safe during these kinds of storms…

But, what I’m guessing Applejack did? Because, the thing I heard about was, that there was a tree?
A tree struck by lightning?

And, part of that tree was lassoed right in through your window?

That is just- That is just absolutely facehoof worthy. I mean, really, Applejack didn’t realize that it might not be a good idea to pull in part of a broken tree through someone else’s window?

Truly, Apple Stubbornness has reached stupendous—and stupid—heights.

Ah, well, it sounds like you got three got that under control, maybe even actually had a pretty good slumber party~

And, honestly? You’re not even the one to have the most insane sleepover recently…

The day after the incident with my Ex boyfriend, Nightmare and I decided to have a sleepover in my room. I even had a special alicorn-sized sleeping bag made for her.

I baked 60 lemon cupcakes, we played games, had s’mores, sampled some of Nightmare’s lemonade—It’s really good, I have no idea how she makes it, she won’t let me in her secret ‘lemon lab’ or anything—and, we even read some stories to each other!

Then, about ten minutes before we were supposed to sleep, we played some truth or dare. It wasn’t until the seventh dare that things got truly crazy. I dared her to make some midnight friends in the garden, thinking she would scare most of even the most nocturnal animals.

She came back with fifty possums.

I had to deal with the smell of burnt possum fur, four-fifths of my lemon cupcakes being devoured by possums, and possums spilling lemonade onto my floor. At that point, I decided to call it a night.

Oh, and, what’s worse? She even kept one of them! Named him Tiberius! Oh, sure, he’s cute and all, but, I can tell he’s hungry for my cake.

That little possum better stay away from my cake…

Anyway, here’s hoping you have more fun and exciting sleepovers in the future!

Wary of Possums,

Empress Daybreaker

Oh, hey, Nightmare, how are you doing?

Yes, bribing Spike with that red diamond is the best decision I ever made. Soon, I’ll be able to know even more about what happens with Twilight and her frien-

...Wait a minute.

What is he doing in here?!

Back off from my chocolate-frosted pink velvet, you tree-hanging, dead-playing Marsupial!

...Don’t give me those eyes. You can’t trick me with those cute, beady little eyes.

Arghhhh, fiiineee! But, one slice only, and it’ll be a small one...

Bonus: Hey, Dad

~~Dear Sunny Afternoon~~

...Ah, to hell with it, only Nightmare and I could get to his grave anyway.

Hey, Dad.

Yeah, I know to most ponies, this would be weird, writing to your dead father like this, but- I think you could still appreciate this, even after you’ve passed on.

Things have definitely become a lot different since Luna and I were just fillies. We go by different names, but, I don’t think I’d want to confuse you. Even though we’re much different than we used to be, we’re still your daughters. Still your Lulu and Tia.

I know it was never easy to have Alicorn daughters, especially since mom was only there until Luna was born. I’m not sure I can really blame her, though. One Alicorn daughter was tough enough to raise already, she probably wasn’t prepared for a second one. I’m only really mad at her because you had to take on her responsibilities. Even with me helping you, I know it took a lot out of you.

But, you didn’t care. You didn’t care that life wouldn’t be easy, just because you had two alicorn daughters, even though you and mom had originally wanted a unicorn daughter and a pegasus daughter. You loved us, regardless of what we were, and happily accepted any burden that was brought upon you.

That’s why you punched that stallion who called us blasphemies, why you defended us from any insults the townsfolk threw at us. And, why you ultimately sacrifced yourself when some of the nobles of that era decided we were threats to their power.

You did everything for us, play with us, cook with us, work with us, and ultimately, made it so we could have a future.

I couldn’t be more proud to have had a father like you. Starswirl was wise, but, he could never really replace you in our hearts.

...Though, I wonder if you would really be proud of me.

I- I failed her, Dad. All those years ago, I failed her, even if she was returned to me. She wanted love and attention, but, I forgot her. And, after I sealed her away…

The Fires. The Fires of freedom, impulse, and never letting anyone force me to do anything I didn’t want to do ever do again broke out, and, they changed me. Even after all this time, I’m not sure I’ll ever be as completely wise as I could have been, if I hadn’t succumbed to the flames…

Maybe someday, I’ll truly find out who I’m supposed to be. But, for now, all I can say...Is that I’m sorry.

And, that I love you. And, Lulu loves you too.

Missing you deeply,

Tia

Yes, I was writing that letter to him, sis.

...I’m not sure. And, even if he can’t read it, I think it was still something I needed to get off my chest.

Thanks. Lets walk down together, I’m sure Dad would like to see both of us.

Author's Note

Expect the Gruff Reply letter sometime tomorrow, after I've done the Bridle Gossip chapter.

Unbridled Asinineness

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

You know, it’s like you write some of these without details, just because you hope that it’ll leave me guessing what happened, with no way to find out whatsoever.

Unfortunately for you, I definitely know what happened this time.

Honestly, Twilight, I thought that you would have a bit more common sense. Infact, chances are, that you did have common sense, at least at the start. You probably guessed that your friends and the rest of the town were fairly ignorant, especially when it comes to Zebras. You were more than willing to give her the benefit of the doubt at first.

...But, then, you stepped into some of those stupid blue plants, didn’t you?

Trust me, I do know what the Poison Joak are like firsthoof. It was definitely not fun having my mane and tail get turned into Waterfalls for two whole days…

But, still, I can’t believe you could trulystart to think that curses were an actual thing!

Honestly, Twilight, I’m surprised. I was hoping you’d educate the town. Zecora is the mare I most depend on for my potions, but, of course she’s not evil. She only makes them for me, because I make it beneficial for her to do so.

...Anddd, uhhhh- Also, because we’re fairly close.

Yep, definitely just fairly close.

Now, try to be smarter from now on. ~~Sunset Shimmer~~ I mean, my old pupil, probably wouldn’t have made this sort of mistake. She would have actually listened to what the incredibly smart and wise zebra had to say.

...Also, tell Applejack her younger sister might have a future in potionmaking. Zecora definitely seems to think she has potential, and I’m certainly eager for myself.

Hoping you won’t misjudge stripes anymore,

Empress Daybreaker

Now, to go and get ready for my visit to Zecora’s~

...Nightmare! What are you doing in here?!

Oh, don’t act like you’re surprised, you know I have needs!

Who is it…?

Ehhhhh, fine. It’s a certain zebra living in the Everfree.

No, you can’t come! I might be evil, but, I will still not let my younger sister join in that sort of thing with me.

...Fine, fine, I’ll try and help you find someone when I get back, alright?

Sheesh...

Author's Note

Ehhhhhh, expect Gruff's reply some other time this week.

Wrap it up, Twi

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

Wow. Well, I guess congratulations are pretty much in order, huh?

I have to admit, I was definitely starting to doubt you and what you were doing in Ponyville. Though, to be honest, can you really blame me? I mean, it doesn’t seem like you do as much as you should in Ponyville, and, it also seems like you let the ponies there influence you a bit too much.

I mean, honestly. You didn’t read up on the griffons, despite the fact that I had told you to, you weren’t able to deal with the magician at the very start, despite the fact that you’re probably the most magically capable unicorn there, and, you decided that you as well believed that Zecora was some sort of evil being, even though you probably realized better long before now.

You haven’t exactly been a great representative for me in Ponyville, Twilight.

...But, like I said, you actually did a pretty good job this time around.

Even though you probably had to deal with the whole traditional Ponyville business, and most of the more tradtional Ponyvillians not wanting to use magic—Or, at least not unicorn magic, because we all know that pegasus weather stuff is magic—and, what’s more, you were able to organize pretty effectively. I think you’ve actually improved on things in Ponyville, at least weather wise!

...Maybe I have been too harsh with you, but, then again, you’re not going to learn if I don’t make sure that your mistakes are nipped in the bud.

But, then again, I have my mistakes too. Not that I’ll ever truly admit them to you…

But, anyway, you done good, and I hope you keep doing good!

There’s hope for you yet,

Empress Daybreaker

Oh, finally, there you are! I hope you realize that your opossum got into my cupcakes again…

Yes, he did! My Red Velvet with Vanilla frosting! Your possum pilfered at least two of them!

UGhhhhh, just keep him away from my cake, alright? I’m gonna be trying some new stuff, and, I don’t want him to be able to taste it before I do...

Author's Note

Alright, so, two more episode chapters on Friday, and two on Saturday as well!

Game of Cuties

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

Do me a favor, and bring in three certain fillies before you read the rest of this, if you wouldn’t mind? I think you know the ones. And, remember, don’t ask me how I know...

Are all four of you there? Good. I’m going to be talking in a very grandiose and important way, at least for part of this, so, you three better be paying attention...

Now, congratulations! You three have now found yourselves on a journey together. Many ponies have to take this journey, but, not all of them do it together. Indeed, there’ve only been a few who have found themselves on this road to discovery together, and, it’s probably going to be very interesting to see what happens along the way.

Now, you may not know how to feel about your current lack of cutie marks, so, let me tell you this: It is most definitely a con, but also a pro, if you think about it enough.

In terms of the former, it’s not going to be an easy ride. More than a few of your peers will more than like look at you, and the ones who think they are hot stuff are probably going to ridicule you in addition to that. They’ll try and make your lives harder, try and put you down, make you question yourselves endless, and try and tear you apart, and then spit you out, like you were nothing at all! Your enemies will be relentless. Trust me, I know...

...And, yet, there’s the latter: Even though on the outside, you don’t appear to have strengths or talents, that’s more than likely going to be one of your biggest advantages as well: Because you don’t know yourselves, others don’t know you. At least, not fully. They can’t get a full measure of you, although, cutie marks can still be misinterpreted, and you can use that to your advantage as well when you acquire them, if need be.

Your enemies, even if they see you as a threat, won’t know you, won’t know what you can really truly do, and, not all talents are broadcasted on your flank. But, either way, you have to play the game. You can’t let them get to you, you have to be stronger, and, even though there will be moments where you are weak, if you believe in yourself, you will truly shine the strongest.

And, at some future point, you may even be able to get vengeance against your enemies as well. I know I had fun when I finally started truly punishing my enemies, eheheheheh…~

But, enough about me. Basically, be smart, be true to yourselves and each other, be strong, and there is not a single enemy that can possibly take you down. You will be unstoppable, and every single one of your enemies shall fall before you in time, trembling before your brilliance~

Looking Forward to the Future,

Empress Daybreaker

Ah, sister, back to the game, I see.

‘What game?’ Oh, come off it, Nighty, I know you tried to use nightshade to poison me. It was cute, but, I could smell it a mile away~ Though, if you don’t mind me asking, which chef was your accomplice in this?

Onion Peeler? ...Were you actually going to promote him to head chef if I had actually bitten the dust?

Ahhhhhh, Nighty, tugging on the hopes and dreams of the hopeless~ I really couldn’t be more proud of you~

Yes, you can hug, but, Tiberius can’t join in. I don’t want his little possum paws near my neck...

You Were Suited for Redressing

Dear Twilight and Friends,

My sister has gone out on a, uh, ‘outing’, having taken a whole platoon of her elite Sunguard with her, and, all of them left shortly after writing that letter about the Fall Ponyville running. She’s apparently going to pay a visit to the local Diamond Dog operation not too far from Ponyville. Honestly, considering her mood after having to wear those ridiculous looking things, I’m honestly not sure how far she’ll go. I think considering how long she’s been gone, she’s probably toying with them, giving them the fright of their lives. I wish I could join her, but, again, I’m not really sure how far she’ll go this time…

I’ve been doing quite a few things with Cadance since. Honestly, after I found out I had a niece, I was admittedly worried about how we would get along, and, how she would feel about me. But, when I first did get the chance to meet her, she actually seemed...Pretty nonchalant about me. Honestly, I’m kind of worried about what sort of things she might have seen as Daybreaker’s niece.

Anyway, she really is adorable. Honestly, she might be a bit perfect...But, that might just be because I’m biased as her other aunt~ Tiberius gets along quite well with her too. He just melts under her pure affection. This really is the niece I’ve been waiting for since I was a young mare~

...Though, I admit, I think she uses her love magic a bit too impulsively. I mean, what if some random pair that she tries that on are just squabbling friends? Or, complete strangers? ...Orrrrr, actual family members.

Honestly, I think Cadance needs a talk about that sort of thing soon.

Ohhhhhh, but, Twilight, Rainbow, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie, you were probably all hoping I wouldn’t notice what’s happened recently with the five of you and Rarity, right? You were all probably hoping that I would just tell you that you did a good job on your lesson, right?

Aahahahahahahahah, no.

I mean, you did do good in the end, but...The fact that you would take advantage of your friend’s generosity like this?

I mean, those outfits you wore! I may be a millenia behind on fashion trends, but, I saw photoes of those things you wore, and, I have to say, the dresses in that open fashion show were downright embarrassing. A fact that I’m pretty sure you realize, especially since, outside of my sister’s fashion, Hoity knows what he’s talking about.

And, you drove your friend into seclusion. Honestly, it’s a good thing Hoity seemed to have changed his mind before my sister gets back, because, I’m not sure how my sister would react to this. Maybe not with tar and feathers, but possibly. Though, I think honey and feathers could be just as likely. She’d probably just want to see all five of you in feathers.

Rarity, I don’t really know you very well, or, really, any of you, but, all six of you did give me a chance to be with my sister again, and, I’ve heard some great things about your boutique from local Ponyvillians. Don’t let the actions of others get to you.

And, you five, behave, lest you all end up like Baron Snubnose…

Hoping you six are really all suited for each other,

Queen Nightmare Moon

Oh, sister, you’re back how did the trip go?

...Oh. So, they work for us now, huh? ...And, how many-

Fifty?! You took out fifty of them?! How many are even left to-

...Twenty. Okay, I suppose that’s not too bad, but- You’ve got a little red spot on your face. And your wings. And, your left front hoof...

Is Anyone Keener than Pinkie?

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

...I just saw probably one of the oddest things ever. When I was thinking about how to respond to this letter, I passed by Cadance’s room. And, after I passed it, I stopped, and looked right back in. Cadance and Nightmare were just laying there, on the bed, brushing each other’s head. Cadance was talking about her trip to a local Canterlot Garden, and, Nightmare was purring. Yes, that’s right, my sister, the second highest ruler in Equestria, was purring like a lovestruck and content kitten. ...Which sort of fits, considering her eyes do look very cat-like. I was about to leave, when I looked over, and saw that your brother, Shining Armor, was walking down the hall. Soooooo, I quickly hid in the room opposite. Not only because I didn’t want him or them to see me doing that, but, because I also knew that, no matter what happened next, it was going to be good.

Sure enough, after he called Cadance his ‘Cuddle Muffin’-Kind of sweet as far lover nicknames go-annnnddd, Nightmare started hissing at him. He was shocked, and, honestly, seeming a bit terrified. Then, when she really hissed at him, he went all ‘talktoyoulaterCadancekbye!’, and, escaped as quickly as he could. When I checked the room again, Nightmare was muttering something about, ‘Don’t know what you see in that white-coated, blue-haired pretty boy…’

I definitely think she’s taken to the role of co-auntie quite nicely~

Anyway, just got back not too long ago. I had a glorious little retreat. There was excitement, there was battle, there was red everywhere. I trapped them, and forced them back, and took so many of them out, in many, various gruesome ways, and, the looks on their faces when they finally surrendered, and swore their service to me!

Priceless~

Anyway, I’m glad that you finally seem to have understood that there is no rhyme or reason when it comes to Pinkie, but, I’m afraid you might not know all the details…

I myself have been studying up on Pinkie as much as I could since I found out about her, and what she was really like, and, I have come to the conclusion that she is, infact, an avatar of an elder one…

Panikdipie’tbhlu, the horror of smiling and happiness. Hers’ is the gift to make you smile, and grin, and celebrate, no matter how much you don’t want to inside! The very sight of her in person, could drive one to eternal happiness for the rest of their lives, no matter how much they didn’t want to be happy! She’s almost always grinning...And, when she frowns, it just turns your soul into utter bliss. No other mortal emotion could ever exist in you from that point on…

One time, during the Trottingham rebellion fifty years back, I wanted a bit of a break from violence and oppression as a means to deal with a problem, so, I made a deal with a believer of the Happy one, who said she could turn their unrest into utter happiness. But, a week later, after hearing nothing from her, and the rebellion still going on, I decided to see what had happened to her for myself. She was lying there on the floor, eyes completely wide, a grin breaking out on her face, drool dripping from her maw. She had dipped too far. She would never perceive anything other than happiness, ever again.

So, be careful in your future dealings with the avatar. You may regret it if you cause her to be displeased or unhappy…

Do not displease the Happy Elder One,

Empress Daybreaker

Oh, hey, there, Sis! How are you-

...Did you just cough up a hairball?

I-

...Ugh. No, actually, I don’t wish to know. I don’t wish to know at all…

But, just incase, stop acting like a dang cat!

Wish One of our Wonderbolts could do a Sonic Rainboom...

Dear Rarity and Rainbow Dash…

I don’t even know what to say. I am truly, incredibly, utterly baffled by what happened in Cloudsdale. I mean, I thought you knew better, my sister thought you knew better, and, she even thought the Wonderbolts were much more competent than that, and overall better. Turns out, though, we were wrong…

Which is why I’m the one doing this letter to you, again. Daybreaker has taken to ‘whipping the maggots back into shape’. She even has the hat and whistle...Infact, I can practically already hear her now.

‘YOU CALL THAT A RESCUE OPERATION?! MY GREAT GRANDMOTHER, PEACHY KEEN, COULD HAVE DONE BETTER THAN THAT, AND, SHE WAS PROBABLY AN AVATAR OF AN INSANELY HAPPY ELDER GOD! NOW, DO THOSE PUSH UPS, SQUAT THOSE SQUATS, AVOID THE LEGS OF YOUR NEW SLAPPING TRAINING DUMMY! COME ON, YOU MAGGOTS, YOU ARE A NATIONAL TEAM! GET RID OF ALL THAT EXCESS LAZINESS, AND, DO THESE EXERCISES RIGHT, DANGIT!’

They really are looking like kind of a joke right now. Probably having to do with a certain unicorn accidentally knocking her would be rescuers out, because she was too busy screaming for her life and waving her legs around like crazy, to open her eyes…?

Now, I know you were probably scared out of your mind, but, you did so many other things wrong even before knocking the three wonderbolts out of commission…

Rarity, all three of the more common types of ponies have their checks and balances: Earth ponies are not only good with plants, but, some of them tend to be much stronger than pegasi or Unicorns. Pegasi have their wings, and are natural fliers, plus, their weather-based magics make them perfect for weather control. And, finally, there are unicorns. And, while, yes, unicorn magic can be powerful…

You shouldn’t have expected your limited time wings to be able to do just about everything and hold up, especially when flying so close to the sun! Have you heard of Icarus? I’ve only heard this one recently myself. He was an earth pony inventor who flew too close to the sun with his artificial wings, and ~~got tackled by Daybreaker and tossed in a prison for a whole year~~ had his wings melted, sending him crashing back down to the ground to his death!

And, not only that, but, you know about special days and events! You had yours’ ruined by your friends, so, why after everything was fixed, did you decide you would pull a reversal on Rainbow Dash?! Are you really that unperceptive? That neglectful of your friend’s big day? I honestly expected better from you. I suppose I just shouldn’t let myself be surprised from now on…

Rainbow, I know how it can be to feel less than confident in your abilities for a time, especially with how much attention my sister got over me a millenium ago…

But, you can’t doubt yourself, even when your friend is unintentionally sabotaging your efforts. After all, in the end, not only did she end up making a fool of herself, but, you got to show off your grand, spectacular move after all! I mean, I really don’t think just anyone could do it~

...Hmmmmmmm. This may sound a bit out there, but, perhaps you could train yourself to use your new ability for demolition? I mean, think of how many bits you could make doing it! I’m sure you’d make a killing~

Now, to sum it all up: Rainbow Dash, you did good, but, you also need to remember how to remain confident. Rarity, you did horribly, do better next time.

I would say more, but, if I spend much more time writing this, I just know Tiberius is going to dig into that triple layer strawberry vanilla cake before I can...

Here’s hoping you two learn from this kind of thing,

Queen Nightmare Moon

P.S.: Remind your Pink friend not to drink straight from the Rainbow. ...I have also found it incredibly Spicy in the past

Hmmmmm? What’s that, Tiberius?

...Okay, I can’t actually understand what you’re saying, I’m not Fluttershy, but, I’m guessing, ‘I want cake’?

Well, don’t we all~?

Now, be patient. I always like to cut deeeeep before serving slices. It really builds up the anticipation…~

Master of Staring and Wondering What Went Wrong

Dear Fluttershy…

Well, I’m glad that the majority of Wonderbolts got through those training sessions in one piece. I mean, a few of them did end up flunking out, like Thunder Blitz. He thought that he shouldn’t have to train, because he’s already supposedly the best there is at being a Wonderbolt, buuuutttt, turns out, he really was just a lot of noise. Even if Surprise was the class clown, she did five times better than he did. I mean, do you know how many squats he collapsed in the middle of? How long it took him to readjust after he was spun into the air by that machine they have? So, yeah, he was definitely kicked out. He was just a no good lazybutt, who couldn’t do the simplest of things. Good riddance…

Although, I heard his younger sister should be a whole lot better than him. Can’t wait for her to become a trainee. Don’t tell Rainbow Dash, but, I think she might have a bit of competition when she becomes a trainee herself~

Now, onto what happened.

It was loyal of you to try and watch over your friend’s little sister and her friends, but, you really seemed overconfident in your ability to watch over three rambunctious and energetic young fillies, to the point where you probably thought nothing was really going to happen, and that you would have a super quiet, nice and peaceful evening, right?

HA!

Well, clearly you know better now, so, I’ll try not to judge you too much, but, I’m still not done. I know kids may seem like sweet, and innocent little angels sometimes, especially three adorable fillies like that, but, you’ve got to be more careful, especially when you’re the one watching over them for the night!

...Not that I’ve ever had my own kids ~~that I’ve raised by myself for all that long~~, you understand. I mean, I’ve taught kids, of course, but, honestly, what kind of mother would I make? I’m Empress of Equestria, I don’t have time for stuff like that!

Anyway, at the very least, you should’ve tried to know just what all you were getting into. They probably weren’t that cooperative…

They probably intentionally failed the quiet game, went overboard with their fun activities, and, were generally a bit of a pain in the butt. I mean...I’m still a teacher at times. I know these things. I know what kind of cookies they like with their milk, what kind of milk they like with their cookies, what their favorite naptimes are, and-

Ahem. Anyway, you weren’t being careful enough, and, that’s a fatal flaw when you’re trying to make sure that kids were being safe and sound. If you do ever become a mother, you need to be much more careful.

Gods even higher above me know what could have happened to them if you hadn’t caught on quick enough. I mean...I am impressed that you were able to defeat the cockatrice, and, with your apparently patented ‘stare’ no less.

But, I still wouldn’t bump you up to best babysitter just yet. You’re nowhere near Cadance’s level when it comes to kids. You’ve made a good first step, but, you need to make more before you’re fully ready.

Don’t let these foals out of your sight again next sleepover,

Empress Daybreaker

Hmmmmmm? Oh, sis, I didn’t hear you come in.

...I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Okay, fine, yes, I have needs, and, I do have a number of offspring, even ones still living, and-

Why? Heh, you really want to know why, Night…?

Because I can live forever, but, they can’t! Yes, even after the first weeks, I’ll make sure I meet them again later at least once in their lives, but- ...I just can’t let myself get broken so many times. It already hurts so badly when I bury them all with Dad…

...Thanks. Really, that- that means a lot.

...Wanna share my chocolate raspberry cake?

Heh, yessssss, your beady-eyed little monster can have a slice too.

Stop the Show, Letter Time

Dear Cutie Mark Crusaders…

Wow. Well, if I’m going to be honest, I’m a little surprised, but, not really as surprised as I could be.

I mean, really, I wouldn’t be that great of a teacher, or that knowledgeable about kids, if I didn’t know for a fact that the foal life is pretty much filled with curiosity, self-discovery, and learning for a fact, that in spite of really wanting to do something, you might not exactly be a natural at that something, to say the least.

Now, I’m not going to say that you can’t become really good at things if you try your hardest, but, there are just some things that come a lot easier to some ponies than others. I tried knitting when I was a filly. And, boooyyyyyy, did I ever end up sticking myself a lot more than I might want to.

Now, I’m going to try and keep this shorter than some of my other letters: You do have plenty of time to learn, and plenty of time to make mistakes, and have fun while you’re making said mistakes. But, that being said, try to at least take baby steps toward finding what you’re good at, and, also, even if you might not like what you might be good at, keep in mind that it’ll still be useful down the road if you discover and practice your natural talent as much as you can before you grow up.

Like Nightmare and I, I’m sure you’ll all grow up to do wonderful and amazing things~

Have fun, but, remember, your empress is keeping track of your progress,

Empress Daybreaker

Woah, Cadance! What is it, why do you have that look on your face?

...Nighty did what to your coltfriend?

Wow. Oh, wow.

Honestly, even I might think that doing such a thing would be too evil!

...If it didn’t sound utterly hilarious~ Did she manage to use a picture-taking spell before he wiped that lipstick off?

Oh, don’t huff in indignation at me, young mare, I can have fun with your coltfriend’s suffering all I want...

Damaged Dogs, Hooves up, Pony

Rarity Belle,

By Order of royal decree-my royal decree-you are to surrender yourself to the nearest Equestrian authorities immediately.

You have no right to remain silent. Anything can and will be used against you, regardless of whether you say it or not. You will not get a fair trial, but one completely and utterly biased against you.

You will be held accountable for the gems you stole! Those were my gems, that was my mine, and you are going to rot, you little-!

Nighty, what are you doing?

What do you mean I’m going too far?!

Yes, I know she’s the wielder of one of the magical rocks! She can get temporary breaks from prison once she admits to her wrongdoing, but, only for national emergencies, and-!

...Fiiiiiiineeeee, I’ll let you lecture her instead.

She better not do anything like this ever again though…

And, I have a couple of other conditions too

~~~~~~~~

Dear Rarity,

I don’t think you comprehend just how lucky you are that I was able to convince my sister not to send you to prison.

I don’t get- I mean, Tiberius doesn’t get cakes for a whole two weeks, and, she’s forcing me to make him wear a muzzle anytime I enter the same room as her with him!

I really should have just let her put you away for good, but, thankfully for you, I’m not petty enough to let my possum and I being temporarily inconvenienced sway me from helping out a mare that I know has some potential, from being imprisoned for life.

Honestly, what were you thinking?! I know that my sister’s been letting her Diamond Dog miners resort to tactics that some ponies might consider cruel and uncivilized in order to increase their workforce, but, you really should have known better than to try and whine your way to getting them to hand over all the remaining gems in that mine.

I mean, really, did you not see the emblems on their outfits, that look pretty much the exact same as your Empress’ cutie mark?

And, really, why wasn’t your freedom enough?!

...Granted, Sapphire does look tres fabulous in her new outfit, and, somehow, I think that’s much improved her performance, but, I don’t know how exactly…

So, at this point, I’ll let you off with a warning.

You do something that stupid again, and, I’ll let her put you away for at least a few years.

So, stop stealing from rough and tumble dogs, and, either find your gems elsewhere, or try focusing on crafting your designs without needing so many blasted gems!

Seriously hoping you shape up,

Queen Nightmare Moon

I’m coming, I’m coming!

What? A package from Shining Armor…?

Well, I guess he finally understands how great I am~

Now, to just open this present, and-

SPLAT!

…

Hmmmmmmmm, Lemon Meringue’s pretty good, and the whipped cream’s pretty decent too

Have to admit, I like his style…

But, of course, I can’t let him do such a thing to his queen, and go unpunished~

Green is your Color, and you Should Wear it More Often

Dear Rarity,

Ohhhhh, you poooorrrrrr dear! Prominent photographer decided she liked your friend better than she liked you? I'm soooo sorry for you! It must be suuuuucchhhhhh a tragedy, for someone else to screw up one of your goals like that, huh?

Kind of like with me trying to get more gems, only to have them stolen by a marshmallow wearing a false purple mane, and a false purple tail...

Did you really think I was going to ultimately let you get away scotfree~?! See, the thing about Photo Finish and I is, we're anime watching buddies. And, up to the point of her deciding she would look at your works, I deliberately made sure that she became endeared to the Moe archetype, and, knowing how close you and Fluttershy are, it only made sense that you would make her model for you.

Ha! That's right! I planned for this occasion! Your best friend stole your spotlight, and, you don't get any farther in the fashion industry for the time being. What an awful thing. Sucks to be you right now~ NO ONE TAKES THEIR EMPRESS' GEMS, AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!

Just ask Baron von Minkerhoff. Oh, wait, you can't, he's dead from being worked to death in my mines, after trying to steal my garnets.

Stupid Baron. Those were my Garnets. They belong only to meeee! And, yes, I did use multiple 'E's in 'me', and, I'm deeply proud of it too~

...Also, we will have words someday, about you using my favorite adorable dragon-don't tell him-as your own personal pincushion. Honestly, Rarity, even I have my limits!

Smugly Satisfied,

Empress Daybreaker

P.S. Make sure Twilight and the others-except Pinkie, of course-know that no one should ever break a Pinkie Promise. She might summon the Elder Happy One themself...

Cadance?

Cadance, slow down, you know I can't understand you when you're speaking in upsetish.

A prank war? Nightmare and Shining?

Baked goods...?

My custom made marble fountain of myself?!

Honey filled artillery?

How much strawberry marmalade again...?

...MMmmmm. I'm feeling deeply conflicted. I should punish both of them, especially for wasting that much Boston Cream Pie-

But, there's no sense in not filming ever single juicy moment of thrown custard cake, and unintentional Nicolas Cage references~

Author's Note

So, I guess this might count as one of my shorter chapters for this, maybe? I mean, honestly, should Daybreaker care about anything more than revenge and Spike at this point...?

On the bright side, Letters from an Evil Empress is back for now~!

I'm Going to Start Throwing Barrels, You Should Jump Over

~~Dear Best Friends Forever Squad~~

~~Dear Favorite Student and her Clique~~

~~Dear Mega Harmony Six~~

~~Dear Mane Six,~~

Dear Twilight and friends...

Okay, so, while I'm going to try and be reasonable about things for the start of this letter, don't be surprised if I decide to go and tear most of you a new one. I mean, I think it'd be deserved at this point. You may not agree, but, I don't really care. I think most of you really almost screwed up...

Well, except Pinkie. I think she tried.

I've heard some about this business with the buffaloes...I've been feeling verryyyy tempted to step in, and, try and deal with things by myself. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sure the tribe you dealt with are all very lovely, but, to be frank, I just don't care. All this stupid business about a stampeding ground being the reason that they try to mess up pony infrastructure?

Religious territory? Sure, that's something we could negotiate. Did we mess up important artifacts? We could make reparations.

But, usually, those who try messing up with pony efforts to expand and develop, for a reason as stupid, as them being too lazy to find a new way to stampede through? Even though it shouldn't be that hard of a thing for them to figure out?!

Well, thats when the flame retardant cap and socks come off, and, I start making examples and burning things...Maybe invite one or two scaly friends to help.

Now, granted, from what it sounds like, it seems that things were going pretty at some point. Braeburn and Little Strongheart were going to try and settle things peacefully!

...That is, if you six hadn't been around. There were probably at least a few ponies around that tried to get you to stop-at least, I hope there were-but, you didn't want to listen. Honestly, I think its going to be a while, before I try and send most of you on any serious diplomatic missions. That was just- Honestly, there's no other words, what you did was just stupid!

Now, I approve of what Pinkie Pie tried to do. There is truly nothing like trying to get others to listen to your point, through the art of song and dance! Its a great pony tradition, and, I hope it never goes out of style, despite what some elite members of my military might believe. I'm thinking of a certain red coated, blonde maned stallion, to be precise...

But, yeah, my age- Errrrr, I mean, some random ponies who were there, and just happened to informed me, told me that I would have really loved the song!

...But, clearly, most of you are insane, and, not appreciative of good musical taste. I wonder if slightly increasing Appleloosan taxes would fix this incredible problem~

And, then, let me guess: There was an overly dramatic fight, possibly involving baked goods? Something potentially similar to my sister's, and soon to be Nephew-in-law's fight in one of the gardens?

Did it involve cannons that shot raspberry tarts?

Did it include trebuchets, that launch nine flans at the opposing force all at once?

Did it include music worthy of an award winning stage musical?

If not, then, I don't really care. You five or six were relatively strong catalysts leading up to the events that happened, and, as such, you can expect strongly worded letters from me in the future, though, maybe not ones that others will see? I don't know.

But, seriously, if it didn't include a rather masterful showing of pie fu, then, you just need to get in line.

At least things were resolved relatively peacefully in the end, I guess, even if it did include sacrificing some of our apple trees...I was really hoping for an increase in apple pies this year. Equestria lives, thrives, and dies on Apple Pie! They're good for the populace, believe me...

But, I'm not nearly through with being diplomatic with the buffaloes. Oh, no! I'm going to make sure they have their own agriculture they can rely on, and, maybe find an alternative route for them.

Meanwhile, I expect you six to be on your best behavior in the near future...

FOR I AM COMING!

BWAHAAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAAHAH!

Eagerly anticipating my next visit,

Empress Daybreaker

Yes, Moony, I know I asked the buffalo to test the railway and frontier security for myself...

I just didn't know that they would be so dang good at it!

...Also, didn't I tell you to keep that thing muzzled?

A present? A peace offering?

...Well, I suppose that'll do, for now. Thank you for the lovely pink velvet cake, Tiberius.

No, this does not mean I'll let you eat allllll my cupakes...

Also, you still need to apologize to Philomena for muddying up her wings that one time. A cute collar might be nice for presentation, when we go to visit Ponyville~

...Eh, actually, with what I'm thinking might happen, probably not.

Author's Note

Here, have another episode chapter, with a Donkey Kong reference in the title.

I'm actually going to see about maybe finishing the Season one stuff today, but, no promises. Expect Bird in a Hoof sometime later, though!

The Little Sunny Chronicles

Dear Twilight Sparkle...

That- That sounds really nice...Could you, uh- Could you maybe bring the crusaders back in before I continue? I don't really have any advice for them right now, that I haven't told them before, but...For some reason, this letter has made think on the past.

Thats why its been a whole hour instead of twenty minutes since I've responded...

A-anyway, I've got a really good story, but, I'm not gonna tell it until all three of them are with you...

Are there they now?

Good. Okay, it here it goes...

"WOAH!" The extremely beautiful, gorgeous and graceful, white, orange and yellow alicorn, with the most stunning of outfits, who looked like the best mom in the whole entire face of the world world-if she was actually a mom-, gasped, and then laughed as her super perfect daughter turned a newt into an apple. "That's great, Sunny~! I'm glad to hear you've been improving so much lately! I honestly, I was beginning to think your other mo- Errrrr, I mean, your parents, were sorely neglecting your training!"

The perfect, most adorable little red and yellow unicorn filly, whose hair and mane only coincidentally looked kind of like bacon, sighed, in the cutest, sweetest way, and then said in the cutest, sweetest, kawaii, most adorable voice, "Ehhhh, its mostly been my baby brother Sunburst helping me. And, ever since Mom remarried, she's been soooooo focused on Sire's Hollow redevelopment, that it hardly seems like she ever has time for me..."

The extraordinarily kind alicorn mare's eyes widened in surprise, and horrified shock, before turning into a pure glare of utter nightmare terrors, that was directed in the general direction of Sire's Hollow. "I swear to me, she better not have forgotten about my promise to deliver a stern wrecking ball to her establishments if neglect was mentioned..."

"Ehhhhhhhhh, its fine..." The cutest, sweetest, most precious little babbeh unicorn sighed again. "I don't need her watching me anyway...I'll just be focusing on my practicing my magic, so I can stay here in Canterlot near you~! So, anyway-"

...Most of the of the rest of the story is surprisingly blurred by what seem to be dried wet stains.

"-And, that's how I'll get into the school! The judges will never see it coming, when I cause the vines to go straight through the roof~!"

"Heh~" The perfect alicorn ~~mom~~ grinned in an understanding, totally not too proud way. "There's no way they'll be able to stop you from getting in. Its perfectly foolproof, Sunny~!"

The sweetest, most precious unicorn baby giggled in the most adorable way~ "I know~~, Mommy~~~ And, once I'm accepted, I'll rub it in ~~other 'mom's~~ mom's face~!"

"THAT'S THE MOST PERFECT, MOST WONDERFUL FILLY I KNOW~! COME 'ERE~" The alicorn hugged her close, because she was just like a daughter to her~ ...You know, becaus she was almost like a daughter to her, not that- Not that-

More tear stains

I'm sorry, I just- Its really hard for me to continue...I hope the four of you still got something from that story, though.

And, actually, now that I think about it, there is one piece of advice that I'd like to give...

Don't ever push the people most precious to you away, ever. You might just regret it for the rest of your life...

But, anyway, don't think your empress has gone soft on you! I will expect more letters, and for the three of you to be the best you can possibly be~!

MUAAHAHAAHHAHAHA,

Empress Daybreaker

Uggggghhhhh, can't believe those two are still at their prank war...

It has to end sometime! I still have to get ready for the most boring event ever conceived!

...I really do miss her.

Never should have sent her away...

Author's Note

ANDDDDD, DAYBREAKER IS BACK, BABY~!

For the rest of this month, expect episode chapters on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, and bonus Halloween chapters on other days about the creepy and spooky stuff going on in the castle's dungeons~

Many Mysteries of Daybreaker's Dungeons Part 1

Dear Colonel MerryWeather,

I still can't believe that the Empress reassigned me to the dungeon areas. Just because I made onnneee little mistake, during the Prank War! I mean, I should be allowed to support my commanding officer in the field of battle, even if said battle involves eclairs, paint bombs, and lots of remote joy buzzers...

But, anyway that's not why I'm writing. I'm writing because I've been finding lots of strange things and events happening around the dungeons. I mean, I know everyone's joked about and made rumors about the empress' dungeons-She probably thinks it keeps everyone in line, which, I mean, I guess they probably have-but, there are definitely some weird things going on around here. Weird noises, weird happenings, so many things that just make working down here...Creepy. And, maybe kinda spooky too.

First off, whenever we're in the dungeon's guard station, just minding our own businesses, there's suddenly a weird howling. Almost like a ghostly moaning, you could say. It makes it sound like the dungeons are haunted, or something... I've tried to talk to the others about it, but they mostly just kind of laugh at me and say, 'Oh, newbie, when are you going to learn?'. Seems like a conspiracy to me... But, thats not the only creepy, spooky thing that's been happening around here!

Someone keeps yelling 'I AM THE GRAND HIGH HAPPY POTENTATE~! FEAR MEEEEE~!",

Whenever I try to access the fridge, there's these STRANGE UNEARTHLY COLORS NEVER SEEN BY PONY EYES,

Weird Increases in temperature, that almost everyone down here keeps complaining about!

Everyday, Corporal Bucks keeps bringing in a live turkey, and some bread, and heads to one of the deep cells, and everyone else jokes about 'Feeding the Leprechaun', which I can't even begin to have a clue about, and, by the end of the day, before my last shift ends, I keep hearing this loud yell going 'DAAAAAYYYYYYYYBRRREAAAAAKKKEEERRRRR!', from the direction Corporal Bucks takes the turkey and bread!

And...The most creepy thing of all is, throughout the day, I can hear the cries of 'I'M NOT A CHANGELING!' I keep asking the others what a changeling, and, they say 'That's need to know, Private'. Granted, it makes most of them uncomfortable too. Except for Corporal Bucks...He just keeps muttering something darkly under his breath.

I can't take it anymore, Sergeant! My curious mind must know, what is with all these strange mysteries? I gotta know! I gotta solve 'em! Sides, I'm on the Empress' chopping block anyway...Might as well solve a few mysteries before she burns me to a crisp, right?

Ponies must know,

Private Flash Sentry

Dear Private Flash,

This- I can't even believe you're doing this. You were already on Queen Nightmare's bad side for siding with Shining Armor in the Prank war. Add one accidental Eclair to a certain Sun Alicorn's face, and, you're just about as respectable as an irritating hobo in the Empress' eyes.

This is seriously stupid...You're the one who joined the guard, after ponies kept telling you your mystery stories weren't as good as you thought they were-though, I personally thought that the stuff you showed me was at least decent-and because your parents wanted you in the guard anyway. Why would you risk that, just because you're bored, and want to go back to previous interests?

Granted, I can't control you. After that stupid stunt, even if was an accident, you are no longer under my command, and I can't help you. And, you know Shining Armor can't help you either, since his hooves are tied.

Just- Just try not to get caught, alright? I don't want to tell your parents that you were executed via incineration...

Hoping for your safety,

Sergeant Merryweather

Author's Note

Apologies if this chapter isn't that funny, tomorrow's letter for 'Owl's Well That Ends Well' should be funnier.

Hopefully, though, this set up for all the non-episode based chapters until 'Nightmare Eclipsed' will pay off.

Also, have an early release chapter for today, since I'm going to the dentist today.

Owls Are Swell, But, Dragons Are More So...

~~Dear Mulberry Moron,~~

~~Dear Dumb and Dead,~~

~~Dear Pony I am going to kill in the most horrible way imaginable,~~

Dear Twilight Sparkle...

Do you and your friends like eating cookies? Especially Spike made cookies? I bet you do, especially with how tasty, and nummy he makes them, after all of those cooking and baking lessons that would have gone to waste, if he was suddenly made dead while you were supposed to be watching him. Have you ever thought about that? Have you?

Because I'll bet you haven't.

Anyway, you do like those cookies, don't you? I bet you do~

Well, here is what I will give you to eat, if you ever, ever let something like this happen again.

Are you imagining me angrily raising my hoof? Angrily shaking it? Angrily vibrating it so fast, that if I punched through somepony with it, they'd probably die pretty quickly? Add furious flames of burning your face off.

Because that is what I'll give you to eat, if you ever put Spike in danger like that again, Twilight...My death hoof of wrathful vengeance.

It won't taste like sweets. It won't taste like chocolate. It won't taste like anything even remotely good for your health when you eat it. It will taste like flames...And death.

How could you even let this happen?! I can't even say you couldn't seem to think of this possibility, Twilight, but I know you can think, and, yet sometimes, it seems like you won't think, even when its important!

You haven't been his only guardian, Twilight! I helped raise him, I helped pay for most of his lessons, I helped raise him into the perfectest, most sweetest dragon that there could be possibly be, mixed with just the right amount of boyhood mischief~

...And, yet, you, the pony he probably looks up to most in the world, you can't even bothered to think of how he'd react to your stern disappointment, coupled by the fact that it seemed like he was about to be replaced?!

And, don't give me that 'There's no indication he was about to replaced, Twilight', because I know that Rarity gave the Owl the exact same type of bow she had previously just given to Spike! I know that, despite the fact that you could have let him get you things, you let the Owl get them for you, just because it would have been more convenient...

You know, I hope you don't think that Spike fearing your disappoint is going to be the worst thing, Twilight...

Because, if you ever let anything happen to him, I'll make sure you'll be in constant terror of my righteous, wrathful, vengeful fury...

But, aside from that, you did manage to rescue him. Be thankful that you both arrived before you could let him get torn to shreds. Otherwise, it wouldn't have ended very well for you...

Also, the owl could be very useful in the future. Keep him around, but, don't you ever let him threaten Spike's position ever again.

...Listen, I know I'm being hard on you in this letter. You're still my personal student, and, you're still incredibly valuable to me.

But, at this current moment in time, it feels like the only thing that will get you to shapen up, is not the potential reward of a carrot if you succeed, but, the potential threat of a stick if you keep going about things the way you do...

Anyway, its good things ended up on a happy note, and, on my end, I'm still trying to figure out Spike's hatchday present. Hoping you're having more luck on that end...

Be a lot more careful with our dragon,

Empress Daybreaker

P.S. Make sure Spike gives me the recipe for his White Macademia Super Chocolate Ultra Deluxe Extreme, I've been just dying for a taste of that recently~

Uggggghhhhh, this freaking Prank War is getting out of hoof. Its a tragic waste of baked goods...

Using the firehose on the both of them might possibly be a bad idea, on the one hoof.

...On the other hoof, though, it will be hilarious, therefore, I am definitely doing that~

Many Mysteries of Daybreaker's Dungeons Part 2

Dear Sergeant Merryweather,

Discovered the mystery of the ghostly moaning.

My butt hurts now.

...I mean, thats what I'd kind of like to say, but, since you're my former superior officer, I can't in good conscience do that to you. I would also like to apologize about me using the word 'butt'. I would cross that out, but, it feels like that would trying to deceive you, and, I'm just not gonna do that.

To be honest with you, Sergeant? My first mystery in the dungeons was a dud...

I got Private Upsy Daisy, who was also curious, to help me with it. But, before we could check the deeper dungeons for the source, she told me 'Why don't we just listen to the vent? We can probably figure out what's going on in from there'.

And, so, since the vent was higher up, and flying indoors inside the dungeon isn't allowed-unless its an emergency, of course-we stacked boxes. Then, I got on a few, and she stood on my back. We listened for a good few minutes.

Throughout that time, we came up with various possible answers: Diamond Dogs, Timberwolf Zombies, Diamond Dog zombies, the zombified remains of Charbuck Sheen's acting career, and, finally, my grammy.

...She- She does actually do that a lot, you know. She stands right outside of Canterlot, takes her picnics, and, before barely any time at all has passed, she's moaning about how the cold is affecting her aching back.

Sadly, we finally figured out that none of those answers were the right ones, and the real one was staring us in the face all this time: It was just the wind. Just some cool, possibly cold wind coming in from outside.

Well, I was disappointed, and, after Sergeant Buck surprised me so hard that I lost my balance, and fell on my keister, he made Private Upsy Daisy and I do one hundred wing push ups each.

...Even my wings are sore right now.

But, thats not gonna get me down! There's still at least five more mysteries to solve, and, I know that at least one of them has to be a good one. They won't keep secrets down here forever...

Your Humble Ex-Subordinate,

Private Flash Sentry.

Party for Science

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

I can't believe my mane is still utterly soaked...

We were just having a little prank war! Just because things...Escalated a bit, doesn't mean she had to get involved. Even if she did get accidentally pelted by an eclair at one point.

...By the way, I wonder where Private Flash is. Even though he was on Shining's side in the war, I still miss him. His secret stash of mystery stories always seemed delightful to me. He really did have good taste.

But, anyway, we were just having our fun. Even though we were being competitive against each other, it was still a nice little way to work out some stress.

...And, then she comes along, Firehose stretched out and drawn, and yells 'THERE'S A NEW WAVE OF FUN AT SPLASHTOWN, FOALS!', before promptly having one of her personal guards turn it on, and blasting both of us. She didn't even stop with a simple blasting of water!

It was a full five minutes before she turned the hose off. She said it was because there was so many baked goods and other things in the courtyard, that it needed to all be cleaned up. But, I know better. She spent at least half of those five minutes blasting Shining and I!

She may think she was able to pull the wool over my eyes, but, I know better. She couldn't fool me. I have a feeling she had it turned out for so long, because she got sick kicks out of us being blasted by a firehose...

Anyway, its time to get to the real point of this letter, regarding what happened with Pinkie Pie.

...I want to get to the lecturing first, but, I feel it only responsible we tell you what happened on our end before we did so.

Right after Pinkie, ummm...Cracked, we got word of it, and, my sister apparently thought the best way to learn about this new Pinkie Pie, was from a secret scientific research team, apparently...

Yeah, not only did she somehow get a team of psychological analyst ponies and others snuck in, but, they were able to convince Pinkie, that inanimate objects were apparently her new best friends, without any of you, or even her for that matter, being the wiser. I'm guessing they mostly just talked to her in ridiculous accents, and, assigned those voices to said objects...

I don't- I don't even know why Daybreaker is so obsessed with Pinkie to this degree.

No, wait, that's a lie, because I do know what's caused her to so obsessed! Those dang Buckcraft stories...Honestly, I don't care if he has some good lore, because, from what I read, the stallion was a horrible nutjob, who hated anyone that wasn't an alicorn or unicorn. I could barely get through even one of his books, but, apparently, just because one of those apparent elder gods has real followers, who seem to be strange, yet friendly party ponies, she just can't help but be obsessed with them.

...Honestly, I'm too disappointed with her to even want to lecture you or your friends all that much.

But, what I will say, is that, you should really be careful what you say around Pinkie. I'm assuming she's sensitive about her parties to a degree, and, that means you should take care to keep her from assuming things, like, you being a bunch of horrible ponies, who want to have big, amazing parties, without your best party friend.

I doubt you want a reputation for being a party hoarder, Twilight...

Hoping you will consider your friends' feelings and thoughts more,

Queen Nightmare Moon

Ah, Sister, there you are.

Now, look, I know you're really trying to focus on planning for the Gala, but, that doesn't mean you should-

...Secret mission?

Hmmmmm...That does sound rather fun. But, are you sure I won't miss the Gala, if I do it that exact night?

Siigggghhh, I suppose you're right. I really wouldn't know how to talk to most of those noble ponies, without wanting to shove forks up a certain place...

Author's Note

Okay, so, after this chapter, its two more Shining going through the dungeons chapters, before we get to the gala.

But, hopefully, most of you guys will enjoy what happens by the end of Flash's exploits through the Canterlot dungeons.

Usually the Most Boring Night Ever

Dear Twilight and Friends,

Boy, was this night actually kind of interesting for once!

...Also, I can't even begin to imagine what all of you must have been fantasizing about when you came to this thing, but, I do have some idea.

Twilight, first of all, before we get too far, I'm sorry if it was really, really, really boring, having to stand with me, and greet all those dumb noble ponies, but, at least you got to see me burn one alive for calling you a plebian, after asking why you were standing next to me~ I know you seemed a little freaked out, but, c'mon! You know me! You know how I roll sometimes~

...I probably sounded kind of weird there, and I should stop talking like that, but, I hope you just remember, Twilight, I have reasons I act the way I do.

...Like having an low tolerance for the BS of most of the nobles I have to deal with on a daily basis, especially when they insult my personal student.

Although, just remember, Twilight, in the future, you are definitely going to have to stand on your own fully. I won't be there always, even if the world does start missing my naturally gorgeous and magnificent presence~

Anyway, I thought the Gala was going to be boring. Its never really all that great. Jet Setter talks about how his cousins are doing in Las Pegasus, High Held keeps going on and on about his financial conquests in Manehattan, and, there's just so much other stuff that I just can't even.

Tonight, though? Tonight was a hoot~

I'm sorry, Rarity, but, you're not the first mare whose been-sadly-attracted to my many greats nephew so far-Not that he's actually all that great, mind you, thats just our degrees of genetic separation-and, most of the mares I try to subtly warn never seem to really get the clue, so, I just let them figure it out for themselves.

Applejack? I'm sorry none of those hobnohs liked any of your apple delicacies. I probably would have grabbed a cake or two, if I had been able to get away from greeting ponies long enough.

Pinkie? It was never really that kind of party. I wish it was, but, it just isn't. Trust me, I've tried in the past, but, I nearly set nobles' manes on fire. While I didn't care about that particular thing that much, their families did, so, I almost had to wear those dumb flame retardant things I wear to running of the leaves all the time to all the galas, and, I just had to draw line somewhere.

Fluttershy? Heh, I'm sorry, I maybe told the animals you were coming, and, that you really liked hide and seek. I swear, I didn't think you would mind~

And, Rainbow? Honestly, I can't even believe you still want to be a wonderbolt, even after you've proven yourself waaaayyyyy more competent than they are at times. I guess you really respect them, huh? I kind of don't anymore, but, props to you for not letting seeing them in embarrassing situations lessen your respect for them.

Anyway, sorry the Gala wasn't all you hoped it be...

Cause it was better~

Rarity beating up my nephew for using her as a cake shield-and being a horrible prince in general-, Pinkie trying to liven up the party, and, that stampede from the animals that came in being chased by Fluttershy?

And, the donuts at Joe's were just final cherry on top, to make it truly the best night ever~

I think maybe in the future, I will try to find new ways to liven up the Gala. Yep, definitely need to find a way to top this occasion.

Planning for a new gala,

Empress Daybreaker

Oh, hey, Nighty, there you are! I was wondering whether you'd complete your miss-

AHHHHHH! What the-?!

Oh! Haha, I see you're trying to kill me me again, aren't you?

Well, go ahead, Sis, do your wors-~

...

Were you expecting a baby to pop into existence instead? What kind of spell did you-?

You what?!

Nighty, why would you try to use ones of his spells to kill me?! He practices cloning magic!

No, see, I know his hoofwriting is really bad, but, its not biological warfare, its biological DNA wedding!

...It means your DNA was used to make her. So was mine.

Yeah, really, we have a new little sister! So, what are you-

...Anddddddd, she fainted.

Siiiiigggggghhhhhhh

Well, I'll still do my best to take care of you, you lil cutie, you~

Whose a shweetie? Whose a shweet lil babeh poneh~?

Dats right! Itsh you, itsh you~

You're gonna need a name, though...

Oh! I think I'll call you Eclipse!

Yesh, da pewfect name, fow da pewfect widdwe Nightmawe fiwwy~

Author's Note

Okay, yeah, didn't do this until night time again!

Still, I think this turned out pretty nice to be honest~

And, with that, Season One is wrapped up!

Onto more dungeon mysteries, and season two~!

Return of my Evil Ex Part 1

UGgggghhhh, this is what I get for letting school fillies have field trip access to the castle grounds...

Dear Twilight and Friends,

I'm guessing you're noticing allllll the strange weather and stuff happening around you right now? Probably Cotton Candy clouds, filled with chocolate rain and the like. And, I'm guessing the local wildlife has gone so batshit insane, that they don't even really resemble what they're supposed to look like all that much anymore.

Its Discord's fault.

Basically, he is ~~one of~~ my Evil Ex~~es~~, from before I became evil myself. He is the embodiment of Chaos himself, and, honestly, he fits the phrase 'koo-koo for coco puffs' way too easily. He used to be one of my diplomats, venturing into lands where it was unsafe for ponies to go, and, he ended up being my personal envoy to the land of the Centaurs. We had a...thing going on for a while. Don't really want to get into specifics, especially since I don't even like him as much as I use to.

He'd probably consider me a firecracker compared to what I used to be, but, now, he's a joke to me, and there is no way, no how, that I would ever get back together with him, ever. He's going back in stone, and, unless something happens, like, say, something that makes it so that he might become incredibly useful all of a sudden, he's not coming back out.

...Granted, he's still an incredibly dangerous joke, what with his ability to manipulate reality to a degree, and, he can't be left alone or taken lightly. This is going to be a very dangerous undertaking, and, I really need to give you all your elements back, so that he does not turn our entire castle into a giant marble to wreck things with.

I need-

ECLIPSE, NO!

You don't know where that Cotton Candy's been! Spit it out!

Spit it out right now!

...Nighty, please keep her from eating anymore of that cotton candy.

Sorry, where did I leave off?

Right.

I need the six of you to get over here as quickly as you can, so that I may bestow the Elements of Harmony upon you, and you can utterly petrify his ass once more~

~~...Unless he somehow already knows where the elements are, and is able to use his magic to get them from the safe.~~

Anyway, get your butts moving right now!

Hoping you will get over here very quickly,

Empress Daybreaker

Nighty, no!

Just hold Eclipse close for dear life-but not hard enough to squish her too much-and, stop trying to beam the clouds!

Why?

Well, because knowing him, he probably made it so they would just regene-

Yep, there it is...

Sigh. Things are going to get real crazy if they don't get those elements soon.

Author's Note

Apologies for the lack of chapter yesterday.

So, have the first Season Two chapter to make up for it~

Return of my Evil Ex Part 2

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

Well...Admittedly, Discord had more of an advantage than I thought he would have. And, I basically realized that as soon as the elements were gone, and he was practically-if subtly- mocking us in the stain glass window.

...Well, I mean, mocking you all, and flirting with me. I should have known he would be into 'bad girls'...

Well, whatever, its not really important! But, what I know is, things basically went horribly in the maze. I bet his trials were the most twisted, depraved, vile things he could have come up with, probably a lot worse than some of my own punishments. And, he probably cheated at least twice, because, he always cheats at least twice.

He's a cheater McCheaterton, thats what he is.

Siiigggghhhh. Anyway, while we're trying to deal with the renewed vigor of chaos over here, I realized you may have been dealing with some problems over there, and, well, while I may be what some might consider 'evil', I don't want this place turning into a loony bin either. I still care about my subjects.

Don't be thinking I'm going soft on you, though. I will never go soft on you.

...Which is hilarious, considering all these letters I'm sending back to you, to try and inspire you, to get you back on the right track.

Heh. I guess I'm really just an old softie at heart when it matters, huh...?

Anyway, hope these letters get through to you, whatever you're going through, and, that you and your friends pull through in the end~

Wishing for the best for you,

Empress Daybreaker

P.S. Tell Spike I'm sorry, I know this is probably making him feel all weird and bloated, but, this is really the only way I can send mail to you the most conveniently...

Well, Sis, all we can do now is wait, and hope that they don't screw this up.

Yeah, sure, I'll hold Eclip-

PHEW!

NIGHTY! DID YOU GIVE HER TO ME ALL SMELLY ON PURPOSE?!

You are such a-

Ugggghhhh, its hard to stay mad at you when you're so beautifully evil like this.

...Its easier to when you're laughing like that, though.

Author's Note

Yeah, sorry, I know I should have definitely updated more by now...

I think I'm gonna give up on Many Mysteries of Daybreaker's Dungeons for now, and, try to fit exactly what happened in various future parts.

Still, expect more episode chapters for the next two days!

Luna Eclipsed will be on Halloween, of course~

Nightmare Eclipsed

Dear Twilight and Friends,

Thank you very much for helping me with this night. I know my presence and arrival was unexpected, but, still, you did your very best with the situation regardless, I'm sure.

Even Pinkie Pie.

I know when I first arrived, in my chariot, I looked so bold and intimidating, and with the lightning and thunder crack in the background, I knew I had truly nailed my entrance~

...And then Eclipse had started crying.

Ohhhhhhhh, did that ever put a damper in my plans. I mean, I know my sister gave our little sister to me to watch over, since she was busy with her own Canterlot Nightmare Night plans, as were your brother and Cadance. But, still, tonight was my return! It was to be my epic reintroduction into my special night.

And, since I was the one who had to watch Eclipse, it seriously drove my scare factor downwards. Many townsponies just wanted to hug and coddle her, and laughed with me walking around, levitating a baby. It was very rude. Incredibly rude, even!

I appreciate your many attempts to get me to feel like I was being the respected and feared queen of the night again-although, I think I nearly frightened Fluttershy half to death, especially when I began to use my special royal voice-but, alas, it did not seem it would bare fruit. At least, not until I realized Pinkie was still around, acting like she was scared of me.

And thats when I knew, I couldn't just let the townspeople thing I was just the queen saddled with a baby! No! Thats why I started allowing Eclipse to make chompy faces at the townspeople~ And, then they watched me! Ooooo, did they watch me, trembling with fear and amazement, with all of my skills at their spectacular games!

MY SUPREME EXCELLENCE QUINTUPLED THE FUN~!

Anyway, I decided to give you six a fourth of my candy booty, since you were all instrumental in making the night a success. ...Except Rarity. I have no idea where she was, and it seemed odd that she was not around to show how fashionable she could be with Nightmare Night costumes, but, I'm sure she was likely busy.

Very eagerly anticipating the next Nightmare Night,

Queen Nightmare Moon

Hmmmmm? Oh, hello, Sergeant Merryweather!

...Is something the matter? You look troubled.

...He's disappeared, you say?

Hmmmm, that does sound suspect, especially since he was reassigned to her dungeons...

Okay, then, as your queen, I promise you that I shall look into this!

Oho, no need to thank me, but, you may praise me for at least ten seconds, if you wish~

Author's Note

AND, THERE YOU HAVE IT, NIGHTMARE ECLIPSED ON HALLOWEEN NIGHT!

Have a great Hallow's Eve, guys!

The Cutie Probs

Dear Apple Bloom,

I gotta say...this newest one really takes the cake. The Cutie Pox rearing its ugly head again? That stupid thing hasn't been back, since paleo-pony era. You must really be either a naive dreamer, or a very good potion master, to get the result you wanted. Which, let me hazard a guess...

You let loose this potentially infectious disease out upon Ponyville, because you got incredibly, remarkably impatient with the fact that your cutie mark exploits weren't baring fruit. Have I hit the nail on the head? I mean, I definitely feel like I hit the nail on the head.

You can't just use Zecora and her stash of ingredients as a way of rapidly increasing the pace at which you get your cutie mark, Apple Bloom. Various descriptions of Cutie Pox do not make it sound like an enviable status ailment, but, I guess you must not have even known much about it, huh?

Well, I just hope you've learned your lesson, even though you're probably just going back to trying to find ways to get your cutie mark as quickly as possible. Me? Well, Eclipse has been teething a loooootttttt lately, and, her teeth have grown a little, which makes it kind of difficult for me and Nightmare. Thankfully, though, Shining is still her favorite to tooth on.

So, just be a good girl, and, don't try too many potion tricks like that again, alright?

...Though, I honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if there's an alternate universe out there, where all sorts of shenanigans get resolved with potion making, and, there's some potion maker best friend, who isn't Zecora.

Anyway,

Hoping that you keep it real with the Cutie Mark finding,

Empress Daybreaker

So, Nighty, don't tell me, she's still at it...

For real? I'm getting fed up with this. She doesn't do it to Cadance at all.

...Natural Charisma toward babies, is what I'm guessing? She is pretty good with kids.

Maybe she likes her just a little bit better than us, but, I'm sure thats not her intent. She's a baby, remember? A baby you created?

SHHHHH! I keep telling you, don't be creepy! It makes her our baby sister, if anything.

Author's Note

So, yeah, finally, an update, am I right?

Looks like Best Pet Won

Why does it feel like its been so long since I last wrote something...?

I could've sworn that Apple Bloom's little Cutie Plague, er, Pox, was only a week ago...

BAH! I'm thinking way too much about time right now.

Anyway,

Dear Rainbow Dash...

Boy, this one is a doozie. I mean, sure, Fluttershy has a lot of potential pets-especially from what I've heard of-but, I didn't think you'd settle on one like this. Goes to show what I know sometimes, eh?

Anyway, right, your letter. You're right, of course. While certain physical capabilities can tend be something we want and look for in others, it can be pretty shallow to just worry about stuff about that, I agree with you on that. But, a Tortoise? A Tortoise you put a miniature heligyro on top of? I would never have imagined that someone like you could pick a pet like that. Then again, once more, shows how much I know, huh?

Honestly, when I was picking Philomena, I was mostly looking for a pretty majestic pet to have, to be frank. It didn't even occur to me until later on that she had her own needs and quirks. Though, heh, it was pretty funny when she ate some of my mane the one time. Not that it stopped it from coming right back, as the glorious majestic fire it's supposed to be~!

Anyway, I'm glad you learned something important, Rainbow. I kind of wish the majority of my subjects were as good at learning things as you six, but, of course, it takes a certain kind of pony to be able learn like you and your friends. Thats why its a good thing they have their Empress to make sure they stay in line~

Now, I'm sorry this letter isn't longer, but, I'm watching Eclipse tonight. Nightmare and Cadance are spending some time together with Shining Armor-Which is admittedly a surprise to me, since I kind of thought she disliked him, but, maybe the prank war made the dislike turn to mutual admiration-And, to be honest, I'm kind of looking forward to it~

Sincerely hoping your pet does well,

Empress Daybreaker

Nighty? Nighty, what's wrong, what's going on?

Eclipse is what?!

She can't be lost! She's not that good at hiding! Quick, search everywhere, and-

And-

...Eclipse, were you hiding on Nighty's back this whole time, hoping she wouldn't notice you.

Awww, you were, weren't you?

C'mere! Who's da siwwy babeh? Who's da siwwy babeh? Dat's right, you, it's you~!

Bonus: Sweetie Drops, Ponyville 01

Dear Empress Daybreaker,

Well, I did the best I could. Miss Bunch wasn’t exactly an easy one to subdue, but, using some dog food and silver flakes, I think I managed pretty well. It’s nice to be noticed, though~

...A-although, I’m not sure exactly what you mean by ‘Skulking around the bushes’ at the Academy. I mean, I do have my eyes on a certain mare in the area. Not sure if she really likes me, though.

Don’t how well I could set a decent spy network in Ponyville. I mean, I do know ponies who live there, but, my expertise has mostly been in monster subduement, so, I'm not really sure how qualified I am for this assignment.

...O-of course, I wouldn’t want you to dirty your hooves either by refusing your orders, so, I’ll try what I can. I know Carrot Top lives there. So does Roseluck. Maybe I can even convince one of her friends to let me know about things. There’s more, but, I can’t be sure of any of them until I go there myself.

Though, rest assured, my empress, I will not fail you! You will soon have all the surveillance over Ponyville that you could possibly want~

Sincerely,

Agent Sweetie Drops

Bonus: The Sweet Spy

Dear Agent Sweetie Drops,

Good work with that werewolf in Baltimare. I knew that Cinnamon Dash could be a bit growly on her bad days, but, I never would have that the owner of Cinnamon Sweets and Ice Cream herself could be that shaggy! Well, at least she’s not a werewolf anymore, and you didn’t have to get rid of her permanently. Otherwise, I might have to think about getting rid of you…

But, I can’t, since you did handle it in a way where I wouldn’t have to lose one of my favorite sweet shoppes in Baltimare! And, not only that, but, your experience and talent speaks for itself, even if you have mostly worked for S.M.I.L.E., and, even if you do spend a lot of time skulking in the bushes around the Canterlot Academy for Unicorns.

Yes, I know about that. I am your Empress, after all. I have my ways. And, I know what’s like to admire someone from afar. Even if you can’t admire her there anymore, since she’s no longer studying there. But, not to worry! I think I know a solution that will make us both very happy mares~

The Spy Network we have in Ponyville? It’s garbage. My personal student is currently living there, and, aside from her letters, and the few agents I already have, I can’t really get as much info as I’d like about her activities.

And, that is why I would like you to help strengthen the network in Ponyville, and a few other towns, so that I can actually know more of what’s going on there, instead of a few stray reports.

Succeed, and I will make sure you are well rewarded. Fail me? Well, you won’t enjoy what would happen, but, I certainly would~ Even if it means having to finally get rid of an asset as magnificent as you are.

Fear and obey me,

Empress Daybreaker

And, there we g-

...Nightmare. Is that a hose?

Were you really going to try putting out my mane and tail with a firehose?

Well, even if you could—Which you can’t—I’m afraid the magic in me is so strong, that both would just come right back~

Now, come on, we’re going to miss our Opera.

Yes, you can chuck peanuts at the ones who sing horribly. That is just one of the many perks we get as royalty, and the best part of going to the Opera~

I mean, what would even be the point of going if we didn't get to do that?

Bonus: Least you're not Billy Goat Gruff

Dear Gruff,

Greetings. It has been a while, hasn’t it? I’m sure that regardless of however much of a senile old catbird you’re pretending to be, that you’re still doing fairly well as both a conman, and a gambling ring operator. That is, assuming Griffonstone hasn’t gambled every last bit away. And, don’t worry, I’m still taking measures to make sure that word of Griffonstone’s sorry state never reaches the ears of the rest of the world.

Now, I want to talk with you about a few things. And, if you charge me 300 bits for a proper reply again, I will not only personally come to burn Griffonstone down myself, but, I will put up promotions, and sell tickets for others to see me do it.

Firstly, you’re the only still living griffon I’ve ever told about what was supposed to happen in regards to the Idol, Arimaspi, and Griffonstone throne. I hope you’re keeping it a secret. I don’t need pretend rich griffons to try marching up to my throne, and berate me about trying to install my own puppet king. It’s not like they would have any reason to care anyway, if they were still rich.

Seriously, you better be keeping that a very tight-beaked secret, unless you want to find out what happened to Gladstone…

Second, the old gambling ring. I’m hoping you still have a pretty firm grasp over that?

And, third, your granddaughter...I hope you’ll make sure that she doesn’t cause anymore trouble in Equestria in the near future, she like did with Ponyville very recently? Even if, of course, that’s just her having be influenced by your oh so gold craving town. Really, doesn’t anyone in Griffonstone have any decent skills to try and help making Griffonstone a town worth living in again?

And, fourth, I was thinking...Is there anyway I could, uhhhh, secretly support you without anyone finding out that’s not supposed to? I mean, there can’t be too many griffons that question ‘incredibly good fortune’ that much, right?

Anyway, be sure to get back to me as soon as you are able. And, don’t forget about my threat if you try to charge me for a reply…

Sincerely,

Empress Daybreaker

Author's Note

Expect Gruff's reply chapter to be up somewhere within up to four hours from now.

Edit: Actually, expect it at some point tomorrow, after the Dragonshy chapter(s).

They're Swarmin' All Over

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

Ahhhhhhhh, that was definitely quite the sight greeting me when I arrived in Ponyville, wasn’t it?

I can only wonder what might have happened prior…

Oh, no, wait, ha, it would be hilarious if I didn’t have any idea what had happened, but, I have ways of making pretty good guesses, definitely, especially considering that little parade that Pinkie Pie led.

You tried to deal with something you didn’t understand, but, had frequent misunderstandings with the pink one, and, then ended up attempting to solve things with a magical spell, only for it to ultimately go wrong, forcing Pinkie to save your flank at the very last moment.

...Siiighhh. Twilight, I know you’re still fairly new to Ponyville, but, still, you need to think things through, and not just randomly assume something. For example, ‘Why does Pinkie Pie need insert instrument here? Is she being random, or has she experienced something like this before? Has she mentioned them by name, and, therefore, might know just how to fix this problem, before the Empress arrives today, and, I look like a total moron for not trying to get what was going on before?’

...Granted, maybe I’ve been putting too much pressure on you. Even the apprentice of the Empress needs some break from the heavy stresses of her job. But, don’t forget to try and listen to her first, alright? Even if she does sound a bit odd.

I’d maybe threaten you with a potential punishment, but, that might not be the best for either of our interests in the long run. I’m just going to have to look for certain nobles and others who publicly disdain me enough to have my fun with~

Oh, and, be warned, this is, uh- These Parasprites may be the result of a mad wizard’s experiments.

Yep, definitely a wizard.

Listen to the Weird One More,

Empress Daybreaker

'Why did the last part seem so suspicious', you ask, my dear sister?

...Because I was the one ultimately responsible for the decision to make the Parasprites.

Don’t act so surprised! Equestria has many enemies! Sometimes, I need to have more to threaten them with than just threats about burning their cities and villages down.

...Because the stupid wizard directly responsible for creating them wasn’t able to figure out how to contain them, that’s why. But, this is definitely becoming a visible problem, so, I’ll have to ultimately deal with these pests soon, once and for all...

Don't be Fall Weather Foes

Dear Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash,

Well, I still have some things to say that I’m not sure I really got to say as well as I’d like back when I was talking with you three.

...Also, you might have noticed the, ummmm...Odd white covered over my mane and tail. The Ponyville Fire society said that my mane was likely to be a fire hazard, regardless of how well I could control it’s intensity. They also probably knew I would want to keep it at a fairly high one. Sooooo...They made me wear flame resistant mane and tail coverings. There are a lot of leaves around everywhere now, after all.

And, if any of you even think about laughing at the things I had to wear, I’ll burn your manes clean off, and, then, you’ll have to go back to wearing them from scratch.

Now, like I said, it is definitely good for ponies to be as clever as you did. And, I’ll admit, I’ve pulled some pretty nasty tricks before~

...But, this was to make sure all the dead leaves fell off the trees. You were supposed to be running, and, you didn’t do nearly enough of that as you should’ve at first, because you were busy playing at winning and sabotaging each other, that you lost sight of what you were supposed to be doing.

Now, in my personal opinion there’s nothing wrong being sneaky and saboteurs when the time calls for such things~ ...But, you were shirking what was supposed to be done for your personal glory. True, personal glory is important, but, not enough if you behave in such an asinine manner, for something that’s not strictly just a competition…

I hope you girls have learnt about time and place and such, and when not to be glory hogs.

Also, Twilight, you were very good, making it to fifth place, managing to pace yourself. That is what the empress’ student is supposed to do~ She eeks out whatever victory she can, while being smart, instead of being an idiot. Being clever, instead of a foal who can’t see anything infront of their faces, except their own pride.

Hoping AJ and RD shape up better in future runnings,

Empress Daybreaker

P.S.: Spike wanted me to tell you that he’s not going to be participating in bronco bucking ever again. Honestly, cut the little guy a break.

50 years, Nighty. That’s how long I’ve been forced to wear those stupid flame retardant caps to the runnings…

I can only imagine what the people are going to think of me after seeing me in those again.

...You know, I think I’m going to go out fairly soon.

Maybe play with some certain gem-loving dogs~

A Bird on the Shoulder, a Prank in the Hoof

Siiiiiiiggggghhhhh...

I am going to have to write a lot of apologies today, aren't I? This is going to interfere with both my prank war and my tea party time with Cadance, but, if I must...

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Cake...

I know you both have probably have thought nothing of what happened. From my secret letters with Pinkie Pie, it sounds like you both are very kind, and tolerant, especially of my older sister's behavior-which I...May sure to a degree-but, of course, it only makes sense, since she is your empress.

However, the prank with the teacup and the tablecloth...Honestly, sometimes she pulls out her inner trollestia way too much. She probably didn't think much of it, just wanted to have some fun, but, she didn't even know if that tablecloth was important to you or not! And, while I of course enjoy a good prank myself, I suppose I must be the one who makes reparations...

Here. Enclosed inside of this letter is the amount of bits that I believe will allow you to replace your tablecloth. Once again, I apologize for my sister, your empress...

Oh, and, uh, any chance I could order one of your cakes sometime soon? Pinkie makes the 'Mmmmmm~' sound especially appetizing~

Eager to try one of your delicious cakes,

Queen Nightmare Moon

Dear Mayor Mare,

I'm sorry for what happened with my sister...Ever since the Appleloosa incident, she's been in a bit of a mood. A pranking mood, to be exact. Of course, she thinks she's untouchable, and, as long as she's a strong ruler, she can get away with whatever she wants, but, honestly, I think she just takes it a step too far sometimes!

In other words, I am so sorry she doodled with permanent marker on your 'Equestria's best mayor' mug. Especially since said doodle was you doing...Very crude and naughty things with a whip. Not that I'm judging! Honestly, though, you shouldn't privatize the use of a whip strictly to the mayor's office. Ponies are going to get ideas you probably don't want them to get...

While I don't quite know how much it costs just yet, I'm sure you will tell me sometime soon. In the meantime, don't let her see your whip around...

Willing to pay for a graffitied mug,

Queen Nightmare Moon

Dear Fluttershy...

Honestly, you have to be the one who suffered the most during Daybreaker's visit. While I'm sure you were trying to help, she no doubt expected that. Just like she knew Philomena was going to come back in all her phoenixy glory, and how you were probably going to be worried sick, thinking that you had just killed the empress' favorite pet.

She has a suspiciously sick sense of humor about some things, and, just doesn't seem to want to draw the line sometimes. I bet you were horrified when Philomena turned to ashes! My sister, however, is still laughing it up. Every time I think she's done, she just starts right back up again. She doesn't always take people's feelings into account. I especially doubt she takes yours' into account, when she keeps calling you 'The moe'.

And, yes, she has treated a specific anime stereotype as if it was your actual name...

Don't worry, though! While she probably thinks you wouldn't be the type to bare her any ill will, I still think you could use some help fully getting over it.

Here are some bits for more expensive spa treatments! I hope you use them well, and, write back to me, all happy and healthy~

Glad to help you feel better,

Queen Nightmare Moon

P.S. Tell Rainbow Dash that if she's interested in guardhood, I'm still looking to fill out the ranks of my night guard. There's great health and insurance benefits involved!

Honestly, sister, we still need to talk about what all happened. You can't just-!

...Shining called me a what?

With pink polkadots?!

Well...I guess he still needs to learn his lesson then.

Author's Note

Anddddddd, have some Nightmare Moon to top the day off!

Many Mysteries of Daybreaker's Dungeons Part 3

Dear Sergeant Merryweather,

I swear, these dungeons are probably the most messed up place I've ever been to...

I'm not even going to make this letter all that long, because I really do not like what happened. Infact, I'm kind of wondering why the Empress is so messed up that she keeps people like this in her personal Canterlot dungeons...

I basically went at things myself this time. I searched through the dungeons a loottttttt, and, after a bit of looking, I found that voice claiming to be the grand high potentate...

It was just a crazy stallion, who had drawn a bunch of symbols from Buckcraftian books all over his cell walls. I guess he's a really big fan of the happy?

Honestly, it was kind of a let down, like the vent, and, I hope the next one's a lot better.

Kinda bored with today's mystery,

Private Flash Sentry

Author's Note

Yeah, this is a short, very late one, I know.

Hopefully, I'll manage to find motivation for tomorrow's.

Many Mysteries of Daybreaker's Dungeons Part 4

Dear Sergeant Merryweather,

COLORS NOT SEEN BY PONY EYES!

...Which was kinda a stupid mystery to call it, to be honest? I probably should have called it, 'Why does the fridge make me feel look like my eyes are suddenly in another vision spectrum?' Because, that probably would have been way more accurate.

Anyway, I staked out the fridge area a lot this morning. Course, I couldn't let anyone know about this, so, I pretended I was drinking a lot of coffee in the dungeon guard kitchen this morning.

...Thats why you're getting this letter so late.

I ultimately had a caffeine crash from all that coffee, and, at some point- After solving the mystery, of course-I blitzed out, and they had to get me out of the dungeons in a stretcher, since I wasn't reacting, due to the coffee overload.

BUT

AFTER MY TWENTIETH CUP OF COFFEE, I finally saw it.

Private Perfect Prism went to the fridge, opened it, weird color light came out of it-!

...And, she pulled out her hay and dragonland gem sandwich.

See, the thing about Private Perfect Prism, is that she is one of those rare ponies who are actually part dragon. 1/4th dragon, in her case. Anddd, dragons and dragon-blooded have this weirrrdddd thing, where they can not only see in infrared, but, colors ponies can't. And, a lot of the gems only found in the underground parts of the dragonlands, have this strange magical property, where if you look straight at them, you can kind of tell that something's off, and can definitely see something off colorwise, somehow, because magic, but, looking at them for too long will give you a migraine, unless you're at least part dragon.

I think despite the crash, all that caffeine somehow helped with the migraine, while at the same time, breaking my mind to an extent...

Anyway, that's another mystery solved, and, it was actually kind of interesting, unlike the last one!

Never look directly at magical things that give you migraines,

Private Flash Sentry

Author's Note

Okay, longer than the last, a little later than the last, but, I might try a new update time anyway.

Also, feel free to comment on past chapters if you want, guys, especially ones that barely have any to no comments at all.

Maybe One Lesson Learned

Dear Twilight and Friends,

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

...I'm not going to lie, while I was initially disappointed in you for what happened, it pretty much quickly dawned on me that this was my fault.

I knew I was putting a bunch of pressure on you from the beginning. I did that because you were my personal student. But, I didn't realize that I was doing it enough to the point that you were desperate enough to try and make something to write to me about, because you felt if you didn't write about what you considered a successful accomplishment, you would feel that you had failed over all.

And, for that, I'm sorry. I'm glad that I'll be able to spread the responsibilities, so that you may feel like you don't have too much on your hooves.

Also, I hope you'll take better care of that doll in the future. I know how much Smarty Pants means to you usually, and, to see you subject her to this kind of thing? Well, I'm sure she doesn't appreciate it. You best make sure to care for her more.

Now, I also know that you've been writing to me about the newest member of the royal family. And, I can understand why. You have no idea where she came from, or what's capable of, but, you know that she's cute as a button~

Yes, Eclipse is truly the perfect little sister, blessed to us by the heavens themselves! At least, thats the story we're sticking with, and, you will too, if you know whats good for you...

Anyway, Nighty's been taking care of her a lot, but, she's been having trouble. Eclipse has all of these little sharp teeth, pretty much little needle versions of ours', and, sometimes, she will bite if she wants something enough. And thats if she doesn't try to blast Nighty.

We've been having a lot of success from Cadance, though! I knew my niece was a good babysitter, but, this definitely proves that she's in the very top tier of babysitting. Not only is Eclipse perfectly peaceful around her, but, also never bites her.

...Shining Armor, on the underhand-

Well, I'm sure they're not bad enough to permanently injure anything.

...And, now I hear crying. Nighty's got her so

TALK TO YOU SOON

EMPRESS DB

NIGHTY

NIGHTY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

You're holding her upside down, for pity's sake!

Stop it!

...Nighty, she's making the face. You better point that back down in the direction she's supposed to go, or-

...

Well, thats what she gets for not listening to me, and pointing the baby's rear end back down toward the ground.

Isn't dat right, Eclipse? Yesh, it is! Yesh, it is, ya big sistah Nighty's so siwwy~

Author's Note

Okay, so, expect Nightmare Eclipsed in a few hours less!

FIREHOOVES SUNNY SOCIAL

Tia

I'm not even going to call you 'Daybreaker' this time

What the hell was that?

You just

You broke into the ultimate competition and proof of sisterhood in Equestria...

And, your 'sister' was a strange chaos wizard, who I could have sworn had...Nevermind. Maybe she's a goat, or something.

BUT

What you both did? I considered...Unacceptable.

I was actually interested in what was going on...

But, you and your new friend were creating some kind of large green light, and singing about 'setting the universe on fire', as you trampled the competition.

And, you made some random mare scream things about 'Stables', 'Nuclear Fallouts', and 'Grimdark Futures'.

...I hope Little Pip recovers soon.

Either way, its not possible that that wasn't going to make the news.

...Ironically, though, a strange stallion in horned armor told me that it shouldn't be *too big* of news. At least, for now.

...Angus is certainly an interesting name for a pony.

Anyway, I'm going to find answers about you and your friend, and why you decided to do this with him, one way or another!

Love-Hate, Queen Nightmare Moon

Alright, Tia, I'm coming in, I-

*GASP NOISES*

This is-

...Interesting.

Yup, nothing else to see here.

Nothing else at all.

...What exactly is 'Unst' by the way?

Author's Note

Surprise Update. I wasn't expecting to it today either.

...Kudos to whoever gets the references.