I'm Not Supposed To Be Here Today
Author's Note
Just a heads up, I may throw some of the characters out of their erm... well characters. I'm trying to mix up Clerks with the sirens and I'll do my best not to go overboard.
With that said, I hope you enjoy this.
I'm Not Supposed To Be Here Today
The phone continued ringing ever so obnoxiously, causing Adagio more headache. She reached her arm and tried to find the nearest thing to throw at the phone. It took her several minutes to realize her phone was next to on the floor. Hunting for the small repulsive object with her hand, she lazily pulling it near her face.
"Hm?" She loudly responded, not even bothering to press it against her ear. "W-wha? It's my day off, I don't work today." She pried open her baggy eyes and grabbed her phone. "No! I just closed last night I'm not doing... Oh, don't give me that. I'm tired as hell!" Waiting for a few moments for the other individual to finish their statement, she added, "I have a date by two. Be there at twelve and I'll do it."
As the person on the other line started talking again, she took the time to rub her eyes clean. "Swear that you'll be there by twelve or I'll walk." After a brief pause and receiving a response, she hung up.
With a blaring groan, she forced herself up on her feet from the cluttered floor. Using the bedside as a support, she managed to catch herself just before falling face first on the ground. After stretching her body painfully, she began hunting for a decent wardrobe from the big pile on the ground. Nothing fancy, just something temporary for the next few hours. Taking a notice of her hair in the mirror, she began groaning again. She probably needed a shower too.
A half hour later, Adagio exited the shared house and headed towards her place of work. The place wasn't too far, just forty minutes by foot. But in Adagio's case, it felt like an eternity. She finally reached her destination, a small convenience store located in an urban district. The only place she could afford to work at without blowing her brains out.
Adagio felt a stormy headache clouding her mind.
Adagio opened the door of the store and changed the hanging sign from 'Closed' to 'Open'. Turning the light switch on, the neon lights flickered a few times before it finally lit the place bright, forcing her to shield her tired eyes. The first thing Adagio proceeded to do was turning on the coffee machine. With a frown, she emptied the bag of beans inside the machine and waited for it to brew.
As she waited for the coffee to finish, the place went quiet. Too quiet to the point where she could make out a faint snoring sound. At first, she thought her sleepy mind was playing tricks on her, and she would've believed it too if the snoring sound didn't grow with each second. As she retraced the sound, she spotted the source of the noise.
Aria's chest slowly ascended and descended as her sleepy body laid on the dirty floor, which she didn't seem to mind. Besides her was Sonata, equally mimicking her, settled next to her with her head resting on Aria's chest, rhythmically rising and decreasing along her lungs.
Like a swarm of moths heading towards a flame, Adagio felt her headache returning with a vengeance. This was not the first Aria or Sonata dominated inside the store overnight, and sometimes even nights. Even though Adagio told them many times not to, they just didn't seem to care. Not only was she forced to clean up their 'mess' first thing in the morning, but they also seemed to have a habit of helping themselves with whatever they could find in the store.
The beeping sound of the coffee machine snapped her out of her raging thoughts. She considered pouring the boiling coffee all over the two, most likely causing them a third-degree burn. It was gonna be worth it expect that Adagio already had a strike and didn't need another. Three strikes and she was out.
Instead, another idea popped into her mind. She grabbed the mopping bucket next to the cashier desk and filled half of it with cold ice cubes before filling the rest with sink water. Adagio walked towards the sleepy couples, towering over them with a bucket filled sub-zero temperature water. Without any signs of hesitation, she emptied the entire bucket, raining them with a hailstorm.
The two immediately jumped in the air but not before letting out a roaring shriek of abrupt chill. Sonata sealed a very tight grip around Aria's waist and buried her face in her chest. While Aria clenched her teeth together wrapped her arms around of her for comfort and warmness.
With a raging glare, Aria Looked up from her position and met with Adagio's eyes. "What in the name of Celes-"
Adagio interjected her in the middle of the sentence by pouring the rest of the bucket on them and receiving ear shattering wails from the two.
"We're up, we're up!" Aria yelled at the top of her lungs.
Adagio placed the bucket aside and tossed Sonata a couple of quarters. "Head outside and get some newspapers from the stand."
Clattering her teeth together, Sonata looked at Adagio asking, "W-what?"
Running really low on patience, Adagio attempted to reach for the bucket before Sonata jumped on her feet. "I'm up! I'm up!"
Adagio irritatingly rolled her eyes and urged once again. "Don't make me ask twice. Go and get newspapers."
Sonata nodded and obeyed her demand. She quickly bent down and grabbed the quarters on the floor. But before she could head outside, she nervously looked at Adagio and said, "I-I can't. My entire shirt is wet, and... it's uh... really embarrassing."
Adagio fixed her with a brow in which Sonata replied by covering her wet chest.
"Come on, Nata," Aria said while getting up onto her feet. "You're pretty no matter how you look."
Sonata yelped in surprise as Aria wrapped her arms around her torso from behind. Heat rose up to her face, balancing her body temperature. "A-aria! P-please d-don't..."
Helping herself with a wild sniff of her blue mane, Aria whispered into her ear with a suggestive tone, "Have I mentioned that you're even prettier when you're timid?"
Sonata's eyes grew twice their size as she attempted to push Aria away. But she was no match for her superior physic.
Luckily, Adagio stepped in and pulled Aria away by her pigtails. She dragged her away from Sonata and pushed her out through the doors. "And don't come back without my newspapers!"
Sonata watched as Aria was forcibly thrown out of the store. She breathed a sigh of both relief and disappointment. Aria was always the dominant out of the two. She didn't mind it if anything she enjoyed being under Aria's thumb. So why was she always fighting her?
"Sonata!"
"Yes, Mistress Ari- I meant Adagio!" Sonata burst out without thinking.
Adagio gave her a weird look but decided not to question her. "Grab the mop and start cleaning."
Sonata didn't even think of questioning and immediately grabbed the mop and the bucket and began working.
Adagio took the silence as an opportunity to relax her mind. She grabbed the coffee jug and drained it down her glass. The strong scent entered her nasals but she took a small sip anyway. The bitter taste almost made her puke it out but she endured the taste and consumed the entire sour liquid.
The tiny bell on the door rang and Adagio turned around to find Aria carry about a dozen newspaper. She honestly thought she would run away with the money but she also knew she wouldn't leave the other klutz behind.
"Did you notice that the front of the store smells like shoe polish?" Aria wondered as she placed the pile of folded papers on the small stand next to the desk.
Adagio took another sip before replying, "The steel shutters were jammed, someone stuck gum in the locks."
Sonata's ear suddenly picked up as she turned around with a fearful expression. Aria stared over Adagio's shoulder and fixed her with a threatening gaze. Terrified, Sonata shifted her head away and quickly got back to resume her work.
All this, behind Adagio's back.
And so begins another day in hell for Adagio.
How Long Have You Been Smoking?
Author's Note
After going through the first chapter and half way through chapter two, I've made a decision. If I'm to make a parody of movie like Clerks, I need to do it justice. I'll only use some of the clips as references while trying my best to make this story its own thing. I won't be copy-pasting the script of the movie because I think of as tainting the movie. And so, I'll shorten the dialogues that I'll be using as references and try to sway it as far away from the movie.
And so, I hope you'll enjoy the story. And don't be shy to announce your voices in the comment section. All comments are welcomed. 
How Long Have You Been Smoking?
"Thanks. Have a great day." Adagio forced a smile as she handed the customer his change.
The customer received the pennies and grabbed his cup of coffee. "Do you mind if I drink it here."
"Honestly, I don't care," Adagio replied in a dry tone and lowered her gaze at her magazine.
After several moments later, the bell rang and another person walked inside. A skinny tall fellow with a candy cane colored hair and a thick mustache matching his mane. "Say, are you open?"
Adagio quietly growled and lifted her head. "Yes." She put her magazine away and spread her lips.
The client walked towards the desk and inquired in a weird accent, "A pack of cigarettes, please."
But before Adagio could reach her hand, the earlier client interrupted, "Are you sure about that, my friend?"
"Whatever do you mean?" The guy with the mustache asked.
"I mean, do you really want those cigarettes?" The guy reached into his bag and pulled out what appeared to be a sturdy looking sponge.
Adagio almost jumped when he threw the object on the counter. "What is this?"
"That will soon you be your lung, ma'am for smoking these deadly sticks." He reached into his bag again and pulled out a thick round ring. "This is a trach ring. It's what they put in your throat when you get throat cancer."
He handed the object to Adagio so she could examine it herself. "They pulled that one out of a sixty years old man." Immediately after hearing that, Adagio winced and threw the ring as far away from her. "Poor lad kept smoking through it anyways."
"My God, I never knew I was causing myself such horrible diseases." Mustache man responded. "Thank you, my good friend. You saved my life."
"Don't worry, it's never too late. Here," He reached over and grabbed a pack of gum. "Try some gum instead."
"I say, it's cheaper and it's better for my health." He thanked him and grabbed the pack of gum.
Adagio rolled her eyes and rang the register. "Five-fifty."
The guy paid her and left the store.
Adagio turned her gaze from the door towards the other guy and said. "Look, I'll say this in the nicest way possible. Don't Do that again, or I'll have to kick you out."
"Whatever do you mean? I was merely looking out for another's health." He replied as he took a sip of his coffee, she could barely make out his smug behind the cup.
"Well if you're gonna drink that here, then stop bothering the other customers," Adagio warned with a threatening glare.
"My apologies."
Adagio kept observing him for a few moments more before finally looking down at her magazine again.
The doorbell rang once again and another client walked inside. "A pack of cigarettes, please."
The guy put down his coffee and inquired, "Really, how long have you been smoking, good sir?"
Adagio let out the shriek of an animal inside her mind.
Aria swung the door of the bathroom open as she got out. Her brows immediately skyrocketed over her head as her eyes caught the mob that was forming in front of the desk Adagio had been standing behind. She scratched her head and thought about interfering only to scrap the idea away.
With a wicked smile, she grabbed a bag of chips from the counter and sat next to Sonata on the counter, who'd been watching the show from the very beginning, "So, what did I miss?"
Sonata finished slurping her drink and with a smile, she laid her head on Aria's shoulder. "Dagi's in trouble again~"
Aria tore the bag open and tossed a piece of fried chips into her mouth. "She always said not to interrupt her when she's working, no?"
Sonata replied with a joyous giggle and snuggled closer to Aria.
Back at the desk, Adagio's eye was twitching uncontrollably. The shady man with the fedora somehow managed to rally about a dozen of customers to riot against her. She was backed into a corner as she was forced to helplessly watch as the man continued to encourage the rest of the people in the store.
"How much do you pay for a pack in a week, my good people?" The man addressed the group of people. "Thirty? Forty dollars in a week?"
"I pay sixty." One of the customers spouted.
"Sixty bucks! You would pay that much money for someone to kill you each week?" He gushed loudly to the angry crowd of people. "Because that's what you're doing people. Start thinking people!"
"I agree with this handsome fella," The man with the red mustache from earlier suddenly stood up from the crowd. "If it wasn't for this man, I would've walked home with a mouth filled with poisonous black smoke. This man saved my life."
"Why thank you my good sir, but I don't deserve such praise, you're quite the handsome man yourself."
"Why thank you."
"If we're all gonna die someday, then why must we pay for it?" The once quiet mumbles among the crowd were now shouts of anger and rage. "Do we have to hand this woman, our hard-earned money so she could kill us?"
"No!" The horde exclaimed.
"Now hold on a seco-" Adagio was unable to finish her sentence as the leader of the mob interjected her.
"And now she'll give us all a speech of how she's just following orders. You know who else were just following orders, Nazis!"
"Yeah! I hate Nazis!" A big muscley guy with a buzz cut blonde hair yelled at the top of his lungs.
Adagio was fed up with the situation and it was time for her to put her foot down. "That's it, you better leave right now!" She glared at the man and pointed towards the door. "You're loitering and causing a disturbance."
"I'm a disturbance? Parden my french young lady, but you're a disturbance. Actually, you know what?" The man reached his arm forward and grabbed a pack of gum from the counter. "I am a customer now. I just bought some Flim-Flam chewy gums, the best of its kind."
"Yeah!" Mustache guy exclaimed, standing next to the other guy. "Now we're all customers, engaging in a discussion."
"You see, she's scared now because she sees the threat that we're presenting her." The man stated loudly, trying to sink Adagio deeper in the mudhole. "The time for change is upon us!"
"You are the source of everything that is evil, and we'll all shut you down for good!"
"You're a cancer merchant!"
"Cancer merchant, cancer merchant, cancer merchant..."
Adagio's headache was knocking against her brain like the sound of bell tolls. She couldn't do anything, she wouldn't do anything because her job was on the line. All she could do was stand there helplessly, watching the group of lunatics as they towered over her.
Luckily, help arrived in the form a dry, strong scent, cloud of foam. The puff of foam cover almost everyone in the store and silenced them.
As the smoke cleared out, Adagio's guardian angel stood tall wearing a flaming golden mane. Her savior, placed the fire extinguisher down and slowly spoke in a dry tone, "Who's leading this mob?"
The huge muscled guy coughed several times before pointing at the two guys who started the rally who were sneaking towards the door. "Those guys."
Sunset Shimmer picked up the fire extinguisher and aimed at the two. "That's far enough."
The two immediately stopped and slowly turned away to face her. "Let's see some credentials, slowly."
The man gulped and slowly reached his hand inside his coat and handed her a card.
Sunset took the card and read it at loud, "You're the owners of Flim-Flam chewies?" Sunset looked at the two in disbelief as the two flashed her with a nervous smile. "Get. Out."
The two nodded and instantly vanished through the front doors.
Sunset then turned towards the rest of the mob and said, "And you people should be ashamed of yourselves. Don't you have jobs to attend to?"
The crowd exchanged a few glances before slowly walking out the door with their heads hanging low.
If Adagio wasn't in public, she would've cried and jumped into Sunset's arms. Even if she always told herself that she was the alpha of the couple, she still had to thank her properly.
"Um," Her attention was brought towards one of the customers from earlier who was still in the store. He passed a few bucks forward and requested, "A pack of cigarets?"
Adagio's brows cross forward and she exclaimed while pointing towards the doors, "Get the f*ck out of my store!"
