The Journey of a Homeless Human in Equestria

by nicojaller

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Lyra, Original Character, Trixie, Comedy
Length: 5177

The story of how, I, Oliver McQueen, King Hobo of New York, ended up in Equestria. What ? Boring ? Uncreative ? Well my dear friend (and/or hater) I may have something to tell you.

Oliver McQueen, handsome, musician, homeless ?! Hey, I told you not to put that !

Anyway... I had an interesting life in New York, winning my life honestly, but not having a home is kinda not really fun. So when I ended up in a world of magical colored ponies, it's sure that my problems are over. I mean, it's a kid show, how bad could it possibly be ?

He he... If only you knew...

Published 2017-06-15 18:20:11 UTC
Last updated 2017-06-18 20:04:40 UTC

Holy Macaroni ! Talking Ponies !

* I do not own My Little Pony, it's basically the propriety of Hasbro*

Roses are red
Violets are blue
How come there are chatty pony ?

Yeah, I know, not the most poetic, but that's pretty much how I feel right now. Here I was, surronded by mares, in a dark forest. I know what a regular person would say. But Oliver (yes, that would be my name, the presentations will be later), what is so bad about mares ?

Well, I have nothing against the animal itself, it's pretty cute...I guess. But now is a whole another story. I, a human, is laying on the ground and is saying a bunch of talking poneys around me. Yes, talking, and they speak a perfect english too ! And the fact that they are frightfully familiar to me is scary and a bit embarrasing. I'll explain to in a second.

The purple one approaches me showing me her hooves, it takes me a few second to realize that she wants to help me, so I grab her hoove and she pull me up. Getting closer to her face wasn't really helping me. I then get up on my feet, when I was standing up, I was a bit taller than them, maybe a head higher.

I am starting to pickup what I am seeing, in a certain distance, I see a blue pony with a cape and a wizard hat laughing with a bit of arrogance.

''Trixie did it ! Trixie did it ! Trixie's truly is Great and Powerful !''

Another blue mare, with a rainbow mane growled in frustration and faced the show-off.

'' Yeah, yeah, we got it, you got lucky, now buck off will ya ? ''

The pony, apparently called Trixie went away, still celebrating. I can't really tell if what I'm seeing is real. I got a concussion, it can only be that. How could this be happening?

* Take a breath, dude, think rationally, what happened? *

I don't know actually, I put my back against a tree. My head still spinning. Why is everything so bright ? I'm kinda used to the whole grey city colors. But here, every colors seems to be as bright as possible, it kinda hurts my eyes. It's not like it's ugly or anything, just that my eyes needs a bit of adjustment.

The I-don't-know-what-to-call-them line up in front of me, with what I can only interpret as a look of worry, except for the pink one which is smiling. The purple one who helped me earlier steps foward and present herself.

"Hello strange creature, my name is Twilight Sparkle, we don't where we come from, but if you're new, welcome to Equistria!"

My eyes widden as the information comes in, now I know why, all my memories are floating in my mind as I realise why all of this felt familiar to me.

* Holy...macaroni...*

That is the last thought I have before fainting.

And now... our narrator !
Now that I seem to be inconscious, it's seem to be a good time to do the presentations doesn't it ?

My name's Oliver McQueen. Yeah, I was a Mc away from being Green Arrow, I was the most disappointed. I'm a blonde man of 24 years old... and homeless. But that's not the important part ! Delete ! Delete ! Dating advice, don't tell your crush you're homeless, and when you say you're gonna bring her to your home, don't bring her under a bridge. Why would you ask ? That's a story for another time.

My main source of revenue is from being a street artist, I play guitar. Girls digs guys with guitar, well, that's what people told me. A homeless street artist visibly was the exception to the rule. I do make some reasonable money, enough to buy me food, but renting an apppartment ? In New York ? Are you mad ? I would have to leave some money on the side for years to afford a month !

Don't think some bad things, I do clean myself, I know a guy where I go once or twice a week. Maybe three when he's in a good mood. He let me shower, take some good rest. He doesn't want me to stay full time, his wife isn't really all for a homeless guy residing in their home. Understandable.

How did I came across My Little Pony ? Well it's simple, in my neighborhood, there was this store selling MLP stuff. I often came here. Why ? Because making music in the streets doesn't guarantee money, so I had to play it safe and take a job. Here's the catch, the average client are 10 years old girl, and one or two male adult fan here and there, but I didn't really care. But my boss sure did, he always wanted me to be on my best appearance. I only worked part time, one or two times by week. So before going to work, I went to my friend, cleaned myself and my uniform and went to work. That's basically how it was.

I know you must have a lot of questions right now, like, why was I homeless, did I liked MLP ? Am I handsome ? Well, I will answer at least one of those three questions at some point in this story and...wait ! We're waking up ! Wait ! I have to tell the backstory of what happened that day !

Well... I was walking as usual, it was dark and I was counting the money I had made that day. 10.50$, I could buy a meal but nothing more, it was a bad day. At least 7 from this 10 dollar came from a latino that always give me money for some reasons. Kids, always remember, watch where you're going in the streets ! You could get hit by a car, get robbed, murdered...or do like me and fall into a giant blue glowing hole.

"Are you done with your explaining yet ? It's time to wake up sleepy head !"

Wait, who are you? And how are you hearing any of this ?

" I'm Pinkie Pie ! You'll see me pretty soon, we'll have soooo much fun !"
I guess...

And now... Wake Up

Owww... My head. Did I drank too much booze ? Curse you, partial alcoholism ! No, that's not it, I would feel worse if it was that. Except for the headache, I'm perfectly fine. I just feel confused on my whereabouts, that's all. I don't seem to be in the forest anymore. Not in a hospital either. I seem to be in some sort of house. But something seems off. It doesn't look like any house I know of. I see bird's houses, little staircases, and generaly made of wood. It seems like an house for pets. Anyway, that would be my first guess, but why am I here ? I don't remember coming here. I'm not really in a bed either from what I can see, I seem to be in a pile of hay. Surprisingly confortable, but it's a bit annoying because it risk to stick to my clothes.

Suddenly, the front door opens and a figure happens. The sudden bright sun forces me to close my eyes for a few seconds. When I feel that I'm good to open them without them burning, I see a pony standing in front of me. I recognize her as one from earlier with her yellow fur and pink mane. I'm a still overwhelmed over this talking coloured ponies that I can't find words to talk, but the way that she looks at me with so much...kindness and caring, I can't help but smile a little.

" It looks like you are awoken ! Good morning big boy ! "

I'm still pretty much waking up (my energy level is pretty much 20% lower than usual right now) so I only nod, smiling at her.

" I wonder what animal you are ? I've never seen something like you before, or as big ! "

I'm a bit embarrassed right now. Should I tell her that I'm not really an animal ? Would that freak her out if I talk ? Probably, I'll have to be careful about this.

"Today, we'll go see Twilight. You already met her, I'm sure she can find what you are in one of her books. After that, I'll take good care of you, you poor thing. You got lost in the Everfree Forest haven't you ? "

Not only in the Everfree Forest, dear, I'm completely lost right now. Maybe I am losing it too. The fact that even if I would want to say something, I can't manage to find my words, like my lips were sealed or something.

For maybe 10 minutes, I watch her take care of the animals, making sure they have everything, waking up the sleepy ones, preparing breakfeast for them. It's so sweet and adorable !

Okay, I know I said I knew the show, but I'm really not familiar enough with it to really know the characters, so I guess I'll have to use logic. I guess Twilight was the purple unicorn. Too bad I'm not into some fan fiction where I would have future knowledge for the next century or something. That would be convenient and really useful right now.

I stand up, I feel my legs shaking a little, but I should be okay to walk. First step, figuring out what's going on and finding a good occasion to speak would be pretty nice too. Step two, don't faint again. Fainting in public is pretty bad. Last time it happened (outside of earlier), I found myself in my underwear, without money, and with a badly drawn moustache on my face. Not doing that again, nope! Step 3, hopefully, not dying. That would really suck.

I follow the yellow pony through the door, I still I have to bend to pass though, that door is a bit small, not too much, but enough for me knock my head passing through. I look around me to see that I was actually on a cottage. A really beautiful one I might add. Everything is bright, colorful and full of joy. A lot of animals were living here, bunnies, birds... a bear ? I think, I'll just ignore that.

My eyes can't keep up with what I am seeing. We continue to walk the way towards... wherever we are going. I think that by this time, you must have realized that I don't have a big attention span. I can be concentrated on things, if I put efforts into it. But not right now. Now's there is so much things to see that my head almost spins around.

By the time I can actually get my thought straights I realise that we have arrived. Humm. Holy gwakamole ! That's one hell of a treehouse ! How come my father never could do something like that? It's not really like a building on the tree, the tree IS the house ! That's awesome ! My congratulations to the architect !

I think my jaw-dropping was not really subtle. The mare looks at me with a little smile.

"There we are, this is Twilight's house. From the looks of it, you seem to like it."

She goes in front of the door, and softly knocks three times. It does not respond. She tries another three rounds of knocks.
Still no response. Well I guess nobody's home. She turn around.

"Well, she's not here, I guess we'll go see..."

WHAM !

The door brutally opened smashing the shy pony against the wall. Coming out of the door is the going called Twilight if I remember well. She's looking left and right, like she's looking for something. Then she looks at me.

"Ah, you're there ! I was expecting you ! Where is Fluttershy ? Is she with you ?"

I nod, and I point at the door. While I could technically talk and explain it. I think I'll save my first words for a more dramatic reveal, and two, I think it will be more funny this way.

She looks behind the door and see her friend smashed against the wall. She jumps backward surprised and help her.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Fluttershy ! Why didn't you knock ?"

Oh so this mane name is Fluttershy ! Couldn't be any more fitting. Poor thing, is things always like this here ? A bit chaotic and cartoony, but fun. Meh, I could have landed somewhere way worse than that.

''Oh no botter, well anyway, I bringed him, and he seems to be in good health.''

" That's wonderful, I'm sure that I have one book that should help me figure out what he is."

Now's the time. I had thought about what I wanted to say for minutes and now I have it ready to come out and only waiting the signal.

"H-hum... Don't I-I get a say in this...or something ?"

Oh wow. That came out way worse that I wanted ! Man, now I sound like a wimp ! That's probably what I am, but that's not how I want to be perceived by ponies.

Fortunately, they don't really react like that. They're more like jaw-dropped, eyes widden, and shocked. Yeah, dramatic first phrase achieved ! Charlton Heston Award for Epic Lines rewarded ! Twilight approaches me with hesitation and for some reasons, I see her hooves shaking.

" W-wait you can...talk ? "

" Yes I can ! " I say proudly, putting a hand on each of my sides, like a super hero.

Then she makes of the most terrifying grin I have ever seen. I just now realise that I may have just have made a terrible mistake.

" Oh my Celestia ! This is exciting ! Come with me, I have soooo much to learn from you ! "

She takes me by the collar then run inside, taking me with her with a surprising strenght. I can only scream in terror, and plead for Fluttershy's help before the door close behind me. At my annoyance, I think having seen a look of amusement on Fluttershy. Oh dear god, what have I got myself into ?

Author's Note

And that's the end of this first chapter ! I hope you liked it ! I've been thinking and working on this story for a few weeks now. On the details, this story starts up between season 1 and 2. Why ? Because that's a bit before where I am on the show. I only started to watch it recently. Yes, I am aware of what occur in all of the seven seasons. But I thought it would be for the better of the story to start it in a place in the series I am familiar with. Don't worry, we'll see Discord and company soon enough !

Have a good day !

Meeting Twilight

* Still not owning MLP *

I'm sitting in a couch in what seem to be a gigantic library. Holy Cow, there must like a millenium of knowledge in there ! I wonder in which language there written, because now that I think about it. I'm in a place filled with talking ponies. It's already a strange thing in itself, but they talk English. How did they learned it ? How could it survive ? Oh, god, I should not think that much. I'm not a nerd... well not that much. Knowing how to solve algorithms doesn't really help on the street you
know ?

Focus McQueen ! I shake my head, and look at Twilight, who seems to be staring at me in silence. It's a bit awkward just to say. I feel I'm about to be examined by some mad scientist. Doctor Frankenstein, is that you? I hope it doesn't come to that, I would like to keep both of my kidneys, thank you very much !

We just stay like that for a minute or two. Okay, now it's just getting ridiculous ! I caugh to stop her from staring. I guess I'll say something, just to start a conversation.

"Okay, so was there anything you wanted to ask me?"

Her smile widden even more, some things never ceases to amaze me.

" Oh my, where could I start ? I have so many things I want to know ! "

" Go ahead, it's not like I'm lacking time or anything. I'm not really busy right now. "

She nods, take some huge breathes. I have a bad feeling about it. I clench myself. The time I realize what's happening, she almost jumps into my face.

" What species are you ? How do you talk ? Why are you bipedal ? Why don't you have hooves ? And not that much fur by the way ? What do you eat ? Do you have predators ? Are there more of your species ? How do you reproduce ? Are you civilized or tribal ? "

She takes a break to take a breath. I stop her right here. Holy moly this girl can talk ! I need a minute for my brain to catch on.

" One by one please, I don't want my brain to explode ! Figuratively, I assure you. Well, first of all, I'm human. How I talk ? I must not be very different from you, I'm pretty sure it works the same. At first, I'll admit, it was also quite a shock from me to hear you guys talk. Why do I walk on two legs ? Yes, that's what those are. It's way more conveniant for us, at our stage of evolution we've been bipedal for a few thousands years, but I'm not that much of a pro of history to say exactly when. The other question is pretty much an extension, I don't have hooves because I have hands as you can see. Surely you must have at least one species that have hands ? "

She seems to think for a few seconds, then nod. Okay, at least I don't have to explain that. It would be annoying.

" For the fur, like I said earlier, it's more because of evolution more than anything. To adapt to our conditions, we lost our fur and a lot of the other attributes at the time we had to become pretty much our own thing. As for our nutrition. Before I say anything, promise on anything you want that you will NOT freak out. "

" I swear on Celestia that I will not, what could be this possibly bad ? "

" We're omnivore. "

I see her eyes widden, and shaking a bit. I feel bad, because if I were in her shoes, in her hooves I mean, I would probably be terrified that there is an intelligent species that could possibly be a predator and eat them.

" Don't worry ! I don't eat ponies ! Anyway, how could I eat something that cute and that talks ? You're pretty much the only other intelligent species that I've met outside of mine. "

" Really ? I thought it was a pretty frequent thing ? "

" Yeah, not really back home. On that point, I can build my next answer, considering we are the only speaking species in our region, we put ourselves on the top of the food chain. If you don't know what that is, I prefer to not explain, especially to an herbivore. We're a pretty egocentric as a race, I cannot really deny that. Back in our good old planet Earth, because I'll assume I'm not there, we're more than 7 billions. But here ? I'm pretty sure the human population must be close to 0 and that's maybe for the best. How do we reproduce ? Humm... it's the story of a female and a male who loves each other very, very much ! I think your parents have already explained this concept to you so I won't go far into details. After that, the baby grows into the mother for 9 months or so. Then it comes out, not as a egg, but as a living baby. Does it answer your questions ? "

I don't have an answer, but I just notice her writing in her notebook. Had she been writing this whole time and I hadn't noticed. Now that I think of it, it all makes sense. With the number of books in this house, I can only suppose she's some sort of scholar or something like that. I wonder what kind of use those notes will have, maybe she will just keep it for herselves, I hope at least. I don't really want to become some sort of scientific interest.

Then I hear someone coming down the stairs, I turn my head to see a purple and green lizard staring at me. I do the same, there it is again, that awkward silence. Then he just screams.

" Holy Gwakamole ! What kind of monster is that ? "

I just respond by the same.

" Holy Macaroni ! What kind of lizard is that ? "

Then for strange reasons, we just start to laugh. No real reason though, I think I just feel like laughing at how strange this situation is. Thank god, I needed to laugh.

I think Twilight appreciated this little moment, because she smiled and decided to present me to the green-purple guy.

" Spike, it's a human, named... hum, what was your name again ? "

" Oliver "

" Oh yes ! Oliver, it's my number one assistant Spike, he helps with whatever I need in my studies and his pretty much my messenger with Princess Celestia. Oh, by the way, before you ask, he's not a lizard, he's a dragon. "

" A pleasure to meet you buddy, a dragon, eh ? That's cool "

" Same for me, human, you aren't really like I thought you would look like. "

" How could you imagine me if you didn't even knew I was here ? "

" Oh, I was not talking about you personally, more about humans in general, I imagined them more... intimidating-looking when I read those stories. "

I turn myself to Twilight, to see if I did heard what he just said.

" Wait ! You mean there are stories about humans. "

" Yeah, but I thought were only myths and legends, I never actually expected to meet one for real. Books describes you being a lot taller, possibly cannibal, blood thirsty. Minions of Discord. "

" Wow, charming. I guess it also says that we eat fillies. "

" In some, it never been that clear. You know myths, it changes at every stories. "

Great, I'm this world version of the boogeyman. Very flattering, but it will be annoying. How am I supposed to be liked here if everyone thinks that I'm going to eat them ? Maybe not telling I'm human will help in the short term, but I would have to tell it in the long term. So it only delays the problem. Also, what's the problem, if Twilight didn't even flinched, what problem would occur from telling the truth ?

" So, why aren't you scared of me ? ''

She shrugs.

" You didn't give me a reason to be afraid of you. You answered my questions with respect, you haven't tried to eat Spike. You are calm and reasonable, so I don't have any real reason to think that you would be a threat to myself or to Equestria. "

" Oh, that's pretty awesome of you. This whole thing went a lot better than what I imagined in my head. "

She laughs a bit. I like what's happening here. The ambiance is a lot more friendly and I don't feel like my body is gonna be sacrificed for science anymore. That's a good first step.

" How did you imagined it would go ? "

" Meh, I expected coming out of here in a body bag, prepared to be examined by all of the science domain of this land. As you can expect, I am glad it did not came to this outcome, because I'm pretty attached to my life. "

" No, we wouldn't go that far, and as far as knowledge and science go. I'm pretty much the only pony I know that have interest in such matters, no one would be that interested in examinating you outside of me. Of course, I would LOVE to know how your body works, but I'm pretty sure you can explain it to me as well as you explained my other interrogations. "

" I wouldn't have it any other way, but please, let's keep this part for another time, because I think I had enough of this, and I think it's best to keep some for later don't you think ? "

" Good idea, all good things should not be all consumed at once. "

I stood up, preparing to leave. I look at Twilight.

" So, I guess we're done ? "

" I guess so, do you stay at Fluttershy's cottage ? "

" I don't really know, I don't think she has place for me to stay. I mean, I would probably scare most of the smaller animals. Probably not the bear though, but I don't think it would be the best place for me. "

" Understandable, I think we will go talk with Fluttershy to sort this situation out. "

" Good idea, personnaly, I don't mind, any house is great by my standards. Even if it means sleeping with bears."

We go out together, with little Spike following just behind Twilight. I go out in third, to see that Fluttershy was still waiting behind the door. She smiles with me and makes a sigh of relief.

" So I guess everything went alright with our big friend ? "

" Oh yeah, it was really fascinating and interesting, but we had something to ask you. "

" Oh, which is ? "

" Do you have any room for someone like him to stay in your cottage ? "

" Hum... I don't know. I would love to keep him at home, but I'm afraid he would scare the bunnies and birds. Celestia only knows that Angel can be frightened by strangers. "

Yeah, I knew that would be a problem. I know too that I can't just go into town to rent a room or something. For a few reasons, one, I don't have any money, I didn't in New York, and I certainly don't here. I don't even know what kind of currency they have ! Just entering the town could be complicated, if Twilight is saying the truth, I would most likely cause some panic. Not the best idea right now. Suddenly Twilight, just exclaimed, taking me by surprise

" Oh, I know ! There is a free guest room upstairs, why didn't I think about it ? "

" But Twilight, the bed isn't even is size ! "

That was Spike, who spoke for the first time in this conversation. Yeah, good point. I don't think I would fit in a bed made for
a little dragon or a pony.

" Ah, Spike, it's nothing that magic can resolve. I'm sure that I can change the dimensions of objects. "

Magic, wait, what ? Magic ? I think I must have missed an episode. Well, it explains some things, like the blue pony dressed as a wizard when I first woke up. Magical ponies, yeah, just to make this world even stranger than it already was, but I don't complain, the concept sounds awesome. I now feel a bit vulnerable, I don't have magic. What use could I have?
I shake those thoughts off, it should not bother me now. I have other things to think about.

" Yeah, it would be really awesome, if you're able to do it anyway. "

" Of course she can, she's Twilight ! The Element of Magic ! " cried out Spike

" The What of Magic ? "

" Really long story. " says Twilight with a shy smile.

" Okay, you'll tell that story at our next session in exchange of my biology, is that a deal ? "

" It's a deal ! " She says with a bright smile. I could almost reflect myself on that smile.

I nod with a smile.

" Okay, now... I think I will officially ask if I can reside for an unknown period of time ? "

" It's perfect, in fact, I think I can assume you have no currency on you right ? "

Yeaaah... Can't really do much with... what's the currency here ? "

" It's called bits, and yes, you will need them. That's why I'm so glad to have you here. You see, Spike is a fantastic assistant, but I realised that he can't do it all alone. That's why I was thinking about hiring someone to work full time at the library. Your job would basically to deal with the books loans. Noting names of the clients, dates of borrowing, dates of return, book names, etc. Then Spike, will go sort them in their respectives spots. It will be way more efficient. "

I think about it for a bit. A job in a library, huh ? Not the most exciting, but it's a job and I do need the money. I don't think I will stay in Twilight's house forever, I will have to find my own house at some point, but for that, I will have to work. She is giving me a golden opportunity and it's still way more interesting that some jobs I had when I was a teen. Eh, why not ?

" When do I start ? "

I see her smiling once again, damn, I saw more smiles on those two ponies only today, that the people back home in a month!

" Tomorrow, but before that, let's introduce you to Ponyville ! "

Author's Note

Thank you once again for reading this chapter. I know, not a lot happened, it was mostly an exposition chapter. The rest of the gang + some extra ones will come in the next one. I hope I did a good job at writing Twilight and Spike. If not, I will continue to watch more episodes and getting better at writing them in future chapters.

Until next time ! Nicojaller