King Chrysalis Teaches Magic

by DoctorWhooves23

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random, Profanity, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Narcotics, Original Character
Length: 1097

A gender bent Queen Chrysalis with th personality of my friend teaches magic

An insane male Chrysalis that feeds on hate instead of love is asked to substitute in Celestia's school.

What could go wrong?

Everything. Absolutely Everything.

Published 2018-08-19 18:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-08-19 18:10:01 UTC

Chapter 1 - No Other Options

King Chrysalis Teaches Magic
By Some Random Idiot

A large unreformed Changeling King looked absolutely dumbfounded at the princess of the sun. They were sitting across from one another at an elongated table in a large ornately furnished dining hall. The area was lit by the sunlight pouring in from the large windows on one of the walls parallel to the table. On the opposite wall was a large fireplace with a portrait of Celestia and Luna posed in ornate armor holding spears and looking off in the distance majestically. Both were wearing cheese wheel hats for some odd reason. In the corner was the signature “King Chrysalis” seemingly written in crayon. On either side of the painting were large banners themed after Celestia and Luna subtly waving from the breeze blowing in from an open window. The changeling broke the silence with a low, regal sounding voice.

“So, let me get this straight. You want me…” Celestia nodded then the changeling continued. “A certifiably insane unreformed changeling king with homicidal tendencies…”

Celestia nodded again “Yep”

“To teach a class of adolescent unicorns magic.” Celestia leaned back in her chair and nodded yet again.

“Yes, it is almost as if I have not explained this to you multiple times.” The changeling rubbed his face and looked at Celestia still confused.

“Why couldn’t twilight do it?”

“She’s off tending to a friendship problem outside of Equestria along with her friends.”

“What about starlight glimmer?”

“She went with them.”

“Uhh… Starswirl? I mean he was brought back from limbo recently, wasn’t he?”

“He was, but he decided to do a sort of pilgrimage around Equestria and nobody has heard from him since.”

“Any of the other pillars pulled out of limbo?”

“Nobody knows where they went either” The changeling went to ask another question but before he could speak, Celestia interjected. “Trixie is off doing a traveling show, cadence and shining armor are too busy caring for flurry heart, discord is being discord, Sunburst went missing in action after the whole pillars incident and Luna and I are taking a vacation to anywhere but here.” The changeling blinked incredulously.

“Well shit…”

Celestia sighed and leaned forward. “Look, we know you are the worst possible option but you are our only possible option. You are the only one we know of that is available who possesses incredible magical power and knowledge of said power. And besides, with your whimsical nature, I’m sure the students will take a liking to you.”

The changeling stared for a moment in stunned silence. “That is literally the kindest thing anyone has said to me in… ever. Or the past week, my memory sucks. But anyway, what’s in it for me?”

Celestia looked off into the distance in thought. “Hmm…What does one get for the changeling that has everything… I’ll give you unlimited access to the royal kitchen complete with a professional chef assigned to you.”

The changeling smiled. “Food!?”

Celestia nodded. “Food.”

The changeling laughed. “Hot damn, I’m game.”

Celestia winced slightly at the changeling’s obscenity but smiled. “I'm glad we could come to an agreement, King Chrysalis. Or should I call you Professor Chrysalis?”

Celestia levitated over an id badge bearing King Chrysalis’ portrait giving a drunken smile as well as a copy of the registration form he evidently filled out earlier. The information reads as follows:

Name: Prof. Chrysalis

Age: ???

Sex: Yes

End: None

Race: Changeling

Eyes: Green

Hair: Cerulean

Hight: Cloud 9

Classroom Number: 420

Celestia let King Chrysalis look over the form and id badge for a moment before speaking. “The classroom you will be teaching is classroom 419.5. we had to change the number because the room sign kept getting stolen for some reason I cannot fathom. Anyway, you will be teaching magic 101. A syllabus will be on your desk when you arrive. Security and the rest of the faculty have been notified of your new position so they should not harass you for being… well, you. Your first class begins Monday at 6:00 am so try to be there by 5:30 am.”

The changeling stared at Celestia as if she just told him that rain can fall upwards. Which it could if he had his way, but that’s beside the point. “I have to be awake in the morning?”

Celestia nods slowly “I didn’t think you slept.”

The changeling shrugs “I mean you're not wrong but…” He looks back over the id. “So you really think I can do this?”

Celestia nods and gives a reassuring smile. “I do. Just don’t show up drunk your first day and everything will be fine.”

A few days pass…

King Chrysalis falls through the doors of classroom 419.5 so drunk that the air he exhales is flammable. He peels his face off the red, carpeted floor and proceeds to gesture violently at the air with an empty mug.

“What is up ya little shites, it’s ya boi kin- I mean professor chrysalis up in this bitch here to learn you-“

He trips and falls down the stairs past a bunch of desks eventually coming to a stop at the front of the class in front of a large oaken desk. He jolts up and startles a smaller unicorn mare who was in the process of wiping off the oak desk. She looks up in shock with blue eyes. Her mane and tail are black and her fur is grey. She bears a broom cutie mark on her flanks. She speaks in a small higher pitched voice.

“Umm… sir… y- your class isn’t until-“

King Chrysalis cuts her off “Bloody hell if it takes you as long to clean as it does to spit out a sentence I’m surprised this place isn’t a fuckin shitehole of filth.” The janitor looks a bit offended but her expression returns to fear when the large dark imposing and clearly drunk changeling king leans down. “Out with it lass.”

“S- sir. Your class isn’t for another five hours…”

King Chrysalis nods. “Ahh, I see. Good, that means I can have a wee nap!”

He pulls the janitor's cart over and violently pukes into the trash can. He shoves it aside and immediately dives behind the desk and passes out. The janitor is left confused and terrified. It just dawned on her that for the next however long, she’s going to have to clean up after an alcoholic changeling king who is going to be teaching magic.