A Royal Conquest

You woke up. The sun was shining. Celestia was gone. Obviously, she was an early riser. The bed was a smelly mess and so were you. You took a moment of silence for the pony that would have to launder the sheets and got out of bed.

You exited Celestia's room and approached the nearest guard.

"Princess Celestia expects you in the dining hall, Sir." he blurted out before you could say a word.

"Right. But I can't show myself before her like this. Do you know where there's a shower?"

"Right over there, Sir" he pointed to a nearby door.

"Thanks. Keep up the good work."

Yet again, that instinct that told you that you should keep the guards on your good side spoke.

You entered the door to see a regular bathroom, with a tub with a shower, though the faucets clearly weren't designed for ponies without magic. You were going to have a hellish time getting the water right by trying to turn said faucets with your mouth.

After you got out after said shower, you were surprised your skin didn't fall off by the way it had been scalded, but at least you didn't smell like dead squirrels, which is always a plus. You dried yourself and walked out.

You approached the same guard.

"Where's this dining hall?"

"Down that corridor, right, then first door to the left."

You entered said door.

"You were awaiting me, Princess?"

"Yes, your breakfast is getting cold, adviser." she said sweetly.

She was wearing a skirt to cover last nights abuse on her backside, but she was in a radiant mood.

You sat down on the long table and Celestia brought you a plate of pancakes. She even had taken the time to decorate it with a smiley face.

"You're a mare of many talents, it seems. You'd make a great housewife."

She giggled.

"And yet last night you told me I belonged in a brothel." she accused you playfully.

"As I said, you're a mare of many talents. I keep discovering new places where you'd fit right in."

The door slammed open. Princess Luna.

"Good morning, sister." Celestia greeted her.

"Good morning." she answered in the nicest tone she could put on.

You didn't blame her for being grumpy. Playing Equestria's psychiatrist and dealing with all of its inhabitants' mental issues every night sounded like hell.

"Good morning, Princess Luna."

You nodded at her as to pretend that you were bowing to her. Bowing to other ponies clearly wasn't in your nature.

"Who's this then?" she answered, this time with vitriol in her tone.

"I'm your sister's new adviser."

She snorted.

"So, are you the reason she missed her appointment with the grand consul and why she was late lowering the sun yesterday?"

"Yes. I got carried away with my duties and forgot to remind her of her own."

"Right. Why are you wearing a skirt while cooking; sister?"

"Well, erm..."

"I told her to be more expressive." you chimed in to bail her out.

"Okay."

She wasn't buying it. But she was either too tired or too smart to further prod about her sibling's sex life to pursue the issue further. Celestia brought a plate for her sister and herself.

For a moment an awkward silence set in as you all started eating. Celestia was clearly having sitting awkwardly, even though she had put a pillow on her chair. You being the only magicless pony, stuck out like a sore thumb, just biting down on your breakfast like some savage. You decided to break the ice with Luna. You'd be around her a lot if you were to continue the affair with her sister.

"Resolved any interesting dreams last night?"

"The dreams of my subjects are strictly confidential." she answered grumpily.

"Of course. How dumb of me. Otherwise ponies would never trust you to share them with you."

You didn't plan on letting Luna's bad mood infect you.

"Sister, you know I'm no morning pony and this new adviser of yours isn't helping things. I'm going to eat the rest of this in my room."

The room felt a bit lighter when she left. Celestia moved her chair closer to yours.

"I'm sorry. She's just like that way in the morning. She tries her best, trust me."

"No problem."

She sighed.

"What are we going to do about the nobles we disappointed? You promised to help me. Shall I begin writing an apology letter?"

"Why? You did nothing wrong."

"I missed their ceremony." she said irritated.

"No, you allowed them to have it without you. You gave them more independence. They should be thanking you."

"That's one way of looking at things, I suppose."

"Yes, last night was a test for them to see if they could handle things without them. Seeing as they passed with flying colors, you could now allow them to do all their ceremonies without you."

"No more dancing to their whims." she said, delighted.

"Leaves you with more time to dance to mine."

"Well, technically, Goldbanner's law obligates me to attend, not them to invite me. And its technically not in my office to repeal it."

"Technically tomatoes are fruit, but oddly you don't find them in fruit salad. Technicalities aren't as important as ponies think they are."

She gave you a tender kiss.

"Thank you, adviser!"

"Always happy to help, Princess."

"Will you be staying in my palace now?" she said enthusiastically.

You sighed and looked at the Erlenmeyer on your flank.

"I'm taking the last train back to Manehattan tomorrow. I've been enjoying your company greatly, but my place is in chemical plant, not in your palace during the weekdays."

Celestia's good mood faded for a moment.

"But, if you don't mind messy apartments, you'd be more than welcome to visit me. You'll have enough free time to do that now."

"Believe it or not, I do need a bit more flying practice. You've got yourself a deal, adviser."

"Even then, we should use our time productively."

"How about I give you a warm, wet, deep blowjob while you finish your breakfast?"

"You're really getting the hang of this advertising thing."

"Aren't I?"