Bored.
I am so bored.
I have never been so bored in my life!
Boredom comes when a person has nothing to do, right? I can't believe how bored I feel right now! I have to do paperwork, I have to do princess duties, I need to...
I'm bored. I need to cure this boredom.
Maybe if I write my name on this chalk board in the castle I'll be able to cure my boredom.
T.
This clearly isn't curing my boredom, but I have only written one letter.
w.
W is for what, as in what is this boredom.
ilight Sparkle.
This did nothing to help.
As I wander around the castle, I wonder to myself. Why is it wander and not wonder? I'm usually so pedantic, but this boredom is ruining any train of logical thought. I find myself unable to understand. Why are there two, to, and too? Why is it have, and why are there halves?
As I begin to wonder this, I come across a door. I have the perfect solution to a closed door.
Open.
And after opening the door, I have come across another conundrum that stands in front of me, and that is that the door is open.
Close.
But now the door is closed again, and I can't walk through.
Open.
Close.
Open close open close open close open close opencloseopencloseopencloseopenclose-
"What's all that noise? Twilight? Are you okay?"
Spike comes in from whatever it is that he's doing.
"Twilight? What are you doing?"
"Oh," I reply, "I'm just opening this door." Open. "And I'm also shutting the door." Close. Open close open close.
"You're opening and closing the door repeatedly?"
"Yes." Open close open close.
"Stop. It's making a lot of noise." Spike rubs his ears.
"Hmph. I wasn't interested in the door anyway. Thanks spike!" And so I walk into the door. After leaving a facial imprint on the door, I open it again, walk through, and close it.
Open close open close open close lock thud thud thud.
Spike locked the door.
Hm. He has locked me in this closet, but unfortunately if his plan is to trap me he's sorely mistaken! I am an alicorn who can teleport!
Poof, and I'm free. I unlock the door and go about my business.
I come across the kitchen.
DOOOOOOOORS
DOORS EVERYWHERE
Hm. Cabinet doors, refrigerator doors, window doors, kitchen doors, oven doors. Where do I start?
I know! I'll just create a soundproof barrier and then open ALL the doors!
OPENCLOSEOPENCLOSEOPENCLOSEOPENCLOSEOPENCLOSEopencloseopenclose Okay this is boring now.
Hm. What did Princess Celestia do when she was this bored?
I think she was always this bored.
I know! I'll just do some math!
So I get out a sheet of paper, and then I grab a magic pen whose ink can be erased, and I write down a number.
4.
But 4 is not the most information I can pack into the number. Let's try again.
2+2.
This is more information, because I could have chosen 3+1, or 5-1, but 2+2 specifies which route I took to get to 4.
1+1+2.
This is even more information, because how did we get to the first two?
1+1+3-1.
1+1+5-3.
1+0.5+1.5+sqrt4.
cube root 8 + square root 4.
cube root (1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1)+square root (1+1+1+1).
At this point, I notice that "Cube root" and "Square root" don't seem to have a proper symbol, so I simply use ## to denote cube root, {} to denote square root, and for numbers above that, I'll wrap them in [number].
For example, [4]16[4]=2, because the fourth power of 2 is 16, and the fourth root of 16 is 4.
(1+1+1+1)^(1+1)-(1+1)^(1+1+1)+(1+1+1+1+1)^(1+1)-(1+1+1+1+1)*(1+1+1+1+1).
This could be simplified as follows: 4^2-2^3+5^2-5*5.
From there, 16-8+25-25.
This is a truly complex way to express 8, but I can feel my boredom going away, so let's keep doing this and see what happens!
=========================================================================================
Princess Celestia drinks a cup of tea. It is chamomille, with a little bit of honey-lavender in it. Truth be told, it's lovely, and it's one of the few things that has cured the boredom of being an alicorn.
Celestia is reading the newspaper. She looks at the date. Today is the day that Twilight should be experiencing the deadly boredom. Many alicorns before Celestia have offed themselves because they couldn't bear the boredom. Luna survived because Celestia warned her about it; Luna dove into video games in order to cure this. When that wasn't enough, she spent about a week obsessed with anime, before using magic to manifest that obsession into yet another alicorn, one who called herself Tsuki.
How did she even do that? Doesn't she know that life creation magic is supposed to be impossible?
Even as she played video games, their intensity temporarily distracting Luna from her even-more-intense boredom, Celestia knew that deep down, Luna was even more bored than herself. After spending a millennium on the moon, Luna surely has absorbed boredom into her very being.
It is at the punctuation of this thought that a pink alicorn flashes in front of Celestia, causing her to lower her newspaper.
"Celestia! Can you feel it? There is an unusual energy coming from Ponyville, one which I have not felt since..."
Celestia could feel it too.
"I feel it, I feel it. Do you think it's Tirek, returning from the dead, or do you think it's Discord, returning to his old ways?"
"Neither of these things! I think it's coming from Twilight!"
Celestia closed her eyes. She pushed her boredom aside. She became the sun, and was able to observe all of Equestria at once.
Down she looked, at the castle at Ponyville. There, she looked through a window, at Twilight.
She was doing the most delightfully addicting form of math that anyone could possibly think of. Why had nobody else thought to try this?
Celestia opened her eyes.
"Cadence. We have GOT to try that!"
"Try what? What's going on?"
"Twilight! She's done it! I think she's found a cure for the deadly boredom!"
"The deadly boredo-" Cadence's concerned look shifted into a very angry glare. "Buck! I had just managed to make myself forget about that!" She then, in a major fit of whiplash, went from very angry to very bored.
"I think she's found a cure for it!"
"Don't care, bored now." Cadence prepared to walk away.
Celestia grabbed Cadence. "Don't you see?! This could be the solution to our species' problems! The extinction of the alicorn race could be pushed forward at least a million years this way! We've got to grab Luna and go check it out!"
Cadence boredly blinks. "Wait, wuh now? Cure fur boredom?"
Celestia drops Cadence. "I'll go get Sister, and then we'll be ready to go!"
Celestia walks into the one and only room at the moment that's dark. In this room, Celestia activates her magic nightvision, where she is promptly blinded by the light of a computer screen. Mildly annoyed instead of in great pain due to her boredom, Celestia walks forward.
"Eat it, loser! Hah! Get teabagged! I've never seen such a scrub like you! I've got an 36-0 kill-death-" Luna made a massive gasp. "You. Killed. Me. You ruined my KD ratio. I must punish you." Princess Luna prepared to whip out the Royal Canterlot Voice.
Celestia watched. This would be interesting.
"Actually, you know what? I've got a better idea." Luna got out her cell phone and used her hoof to manipulate one of the apps. She then took off her headset. Celestia could hear everything in the headset.
"AHHH! What in tarnation?! Applejack, c'mere! The computer just exploded!" Static.
Bloomflower1337 has disconnected from the game. Luna smiles.
"What's up, sister? A scrub ruined my KD ratio so I punished her."
"Luna," Celestia says, "Your games are just a temporary distraction from your boredom, but I've found a cure."
Luna instantly turned her computer off and stood. "I'm listening."
"Let's go, I've got Cadence crippled by her own boredom and waiting for us to go visit Twilight."
"Wait." Luna held up a hoof. "Your student has found the cure to boredom?"
Celestia smiled. Luna lit up.
"That's the first good news I've heard in at least a thousand years."
Celestia was hurt. "Are you kidding? So getting rid of Nightmare Moon wasn't good news?"
"Compared to this? Anything is bad news, or neutral news at best." Luna grinned.
Celestia smiled. "Perspectives. Why am I the one to miss that and not you?"
"Because I spent the last few years studying the very culture that you've created, sister. I think I might know it better than you perhaps know it, sister."
Celestia grinned.
As promised, Celestia and Luna found Cadence crumpled up on the floor, twitching.
"Bored. So bored. It's an itch. I can't scratch the itch."
Celestia picked up Cadence.
"We're going." She placed a hoof on Luna and teleported.
=========================================================================================
".......And so if we divide the square root of 32, expressed as 1+1+1+1+1+((1+1+1+1+1+1)/((1+1)*(1+1+1+1+1))), if we divide all of that by 4, as expressed with 1+1+1+1, we get-"
Poof. Three alicorns appeared in thin air before Twilight.
"Oh! Hi ladies! I was in the process of finding the most complex form of expressing the number Four. As you can see, I ran out of paper."
And so, Celestia looked around. Twilight had literally used up a five foot stack of paper in the process of trying to figure this out. In lieu of more paper, she proceeded to write all over the floor, all over the walls, and on the ceiling. At the moment, she was using the back of a chair.
"This is..." Luna stepped forward. "...the cure to the Deadly Boredom?"
"Deadly boredom? What are you talking about?" The lavender pony was of course confused; she had heard no mention of this.
"Twilight," the sun princess said, as she set down Cadence, "I believe it's time to tell you why there are only four alicorns in existence. There is a phenomenon called the Deadly Boredom; many of us have offed ourselves in order to get away from being so bored."
Twilight's jaw hit the ground.
"That explains so much! I literally had never been so bored in my life!"
As she said this, Cadence began to write numbers on the wall. She was also joined by Luna.
Celestia looks around at all the numbers.
"To be honest, I have never seen anything like this. What made you think to try using math to solve your problems?"
Twilight, of course, lit up like the very same orb of golden shine that Celestia herself wakes up in order to raise once approximately every 24 hours, depending on whether or not it's summer or winter.
"Math is the solution to all of life's problems!"
Celestia was just about to facehoof, when suddenly, the one who raised the silver disk that reflected Celestia's sphere of bright influence's light in order to create a beautiful illumination of the night, spoke up.
"Sister! It's working! I can feel my boredom going away!"
After taking a look at the previous jumble of verbage, Celestia grumbles and decides to partake in math.
=========================================================================================
It is now 500 years after the events that took place on the fateful day when Twilight Sparkle cured the deadly boredom. As she said, math is the solution to all of life's problems. The number of alicorns has risen to nearly 50,000; nobody cares enough to keep count.
As Celestia drinks her cup of tea, Twilight comes in, wearing her usual clothing. She has stuck with tradition, while Celestia has done her best to keep up with modern times in competition with Luna.
"Twilight! What a pleasant surprise. I was just looking out at the city of Canterlot. Can you believe they're preparing to build a fourth space elevator? And they're going to do it in record time, too! Just 4 hours before the elevator's operational! It's amazing!"
Twilight chuckled into her hoof.
"Any sign of Luna or Cadence?"
Celestia shook her head.
"My sister is currently managing Olympus, the city that's being built on her moon. Cadence is waging an undeclared economic war against the Griffon Kingdom; despite the fact that the Crystal Empire is only about 2% of the size of the kingdom, Cadence is whipping them in every way possible. Even literally."
Twilight simply laughed.
"Celestia, I'm here because it's our 500th anniversary since my invention."
"Oh, that's right! It's about that time, isn't it!"
With that, Celestia poured them both a glass of champaigne.
"Happy anniversary!"
