But to Have Her Back, He'd Live on Anything
~ Dragons Cannot Live On Hot-Chocolate Alone ~
A story of maturity, dedicated to PropMaster, to whom I owe a lot.
I sat across from perfection itself and knew that I did not belong at the same table. She was in a world leagues above my own, her beauty unceasing even without makeup, for she knew that she would only be seeing me today. For whatever reason, Rarity saw it fit to make my troubles more than worthwhile this session. A midnight blue scarf was wrapped around her neck and draped over her chest, accenting the whiteness of her fur.
Rarity seemed distracted with something on her mind, for she had failed to notice me admiring her coat. She rested her chin on her hoof, which was propped up on the table we were both seated at, as she gazed out the window next to us.
My eyes tore away from her as I began to fidget in my seat. Distant chatter and clanking metal filled the air of the fancy diner, or at least, fancy to me. The eloquence surrounding us was alienating to me—more so than the fact that I was a dragon living among ponies.
That thought should have made me glad. Ponies considered me just like any other kid, only I was a kid sitting where grown-ups belonged. I tried to hide my nervousness by looking down, but that only served to intensify it.
I was sitting in my seat naked, not usually a problem in Ponyville, but restaurants tended to be a different story. The stallions that passed by my table wearing suits, and the mares by their sides wore dresses; the both of which most likely crafted by the alabaster hooves across from me. Everyone else had brought a token of their maturity, while all I had was the sheen of sweat gained from spriting here—a typical appearance of those who were frequently late.
Rarity once told me she loves punctuality above all else, but I think I may have taken that passing comment too literally. But there’s nothing I can do about my appearance now; nothing to quell my awkward feelings.There is one thing I can do, however, the one thing I’ve been doing all these years. You could call it my purpose in life; the reason why I’m in this seat now, suffering through this anxiety.
No matter what kind of state I’m in, I can always be there for Rarity. To listen whenever she requires an ear, a pair of claws whenever she needs help, and a rare few times, a mouth that says the words she needs to hear.
Maybe today was one of those rare days.
The first step was already done, the second already on its way when I opened my mouth. I was going to ask what was bugging her mind, but the voice that spoke next was not that of my own.“May I fetch a drink for the lady and the gentledrake?”
That was right! We had sat down and never got around to ordering our drinks. This was a perfect time as any to get the dialogue rolling, so I plucked the first words from my mind and pushed them through my already open mouth. “Do you guys have hot chocolate?!”
My simple question came out like a shout, causing the server to reel his head slightly back, and forcing Rarity to become present in the situation. She turned her head, glaring at me with irritation, but even that was enough to make my heart go wild.
It wasn’t my fault she looked cute when she was mad.
Rarity then looked to the server, the glare melting into a graceful gaze, one that I wanted ever so badly to be directed towards me instead. Why did I have to be so childish, so foolish when it always matters most?“I’m so sorry about that, dear.” Rarity passed me a quick glance, or maybe glare, before looking back to our server. “He sometimes gets a little too excited whenever treats and gems enter his mind. Will you please excuse his outburst?”
“Please do not worry yourself with such trivialities.” The server shifted to me, where I had expected to find a glare of his own, but found only an honest smile upon his lips. “And to answer your question, sir, indeed we do. I shall go and have it made right away.”He then shifted back to Rarity. “And for you, miss?”
Her face held confliction. Rarity lifted the menu before her face, but her eyes weren’t scanning through the contents, that I knew for sure. The numerous nights spent helping her work on an overdue design showed me one side of her; the many mornings helping her distress showed me the other.
Rarity wasn’t gazing at the variety of hot drink available; she was too lost in the internal debate taking place in her head. Tea or coffee was the question on her mind, and whichever one she chose would dictate the rest of her day.
Coffee for production.
Tea for contemplation.
It seemed to me that the issue lingering on her mind was in requirement of both. But, knowing Rarity, that wouldn’t be happening. She gave a small sigh, letting the menu flop to the table, and giving her desire to the server. “I’ll have a green tea if you'll be so kind.”
The server gave us a small bow, turned around, and disappeared into the mass that was other tables and ponies. A terrible urge to redeem my earlier idiocy still surged within me, to try and prove to her that I was a bit more than just a child inside a fancy restaurant.“Hey, Rarity?” Her ears perked at the mention of her name, looking to me once again, this time with curiosity instead of irritation. “Why did you want to have our weekly get together a day early? I mean, I’m cool with it, but I’m just worried something happened is all.”
Her lips were swept into a smile at my concern, before dismissively waving a hoof. “Nothing so dire as to worry that head of yours,Spikey. But, I do admit something interesting has leaped into my life, and I would be a liar if I said my thoughts my thoughts weren’t being consumed by it.”
I sighed as my shoulders became suddenly heavy. “Let me guess: the Princess needs a tux and dress made for a couple of big shots coming to Canterlot again?”
“No no, nothing of the sort.” Her eyes blinked as if struck by realization, tilting her head slightly in thought. “Well, I suppose that’s not entirely untrue. I do have a new order to attend to, but this one was of my own doing, as there’s a little more to it.”
I sighed again; I should have just ordered coffee instead for the both of us. “How many and how quickly?”
“Only one, and it can be made at my leisure if I so choose.”
Now I was tilting my head in confusion.
“I’m not sure if Twilight has informed you or not, but a fascinating creature has made itself present in Canterlot.” Her eyes gained a glint as she spoke, a shining excitement meant for someone else. “Long story short, he’s been at Celestia’s side ever since his arrival, and his sole companions are either guards or noble ponies. I’m sure you can imagine the boredom and frustration of such a life.”
Even without knowing his name, something was already pinching at my heart. My previous frustration washed away as I continued to listen to Rarity speak, who propped her hoof on the table and laid her left cheek against it.
It was funny: Rarity gazed at me while she spoke, but her eyes were seeing something other than my face. “So Celestia, being the clever Princess that she is, had it set that he would come to my table while we were both in the depths of our boredom. Our conversation was both sophisticated and silly at the same time, and then one thing led to another, and we both wound up at a coffee shop.”
I was thankful she wasn’t actually looking at my face, for she would’ve seen the fear that widened my eyes. My heart pounded against my chest at the prospect of the two of them together, sitting at a coffee shop, then leaving once again together...to a place far more personal than a coffee shop.
A sudden sadness consumed me. After all my years of being there, of listening and working, not once had I managed to woo Rarity into going somewhere I wanted to go. She liked my mouth when it said the things she needed hear, but I don’t she’s quite appreciated it like she does his. Maybe I was just a pair of ears to her. But even then, those ears got to hear her giggle over and over, and that made our present situation still worth all the while for me.
“He’s such a strange creature, even if his mind were to be placed inside a pony’s body.” Rarity pulled back from her hoof, looking directly into the eyes of the dragon sitting before her. I nodded to display the length of my attention span, as well as a smile that pained me to put on. “There’s just something about him that has me in all sorts of wonder, evoking a curiosity that no other stallion has been able to do so before.”
“I...see.” I stifled my sigh as best as I could, knowing now why she wanted to have this meeting instead of just canceling. “Usually we just talk about whatever you got on your mind, so I guess we’ll be talking about him today?”
Rarity offered me a half-smile, one that obviously hurt her to put on. “Not quite, dear.” I didn’t like where this was going, but I hid my emotions as not to create a scene. “You see, due to a certain request, I’ll be seeing him a lot more often.” Her voice bordered between nervousness and soothing, avoiding eye contact with me as I continued to stare at her. “...and you already know that I’m a mare of little time…”
I knew where this was going, and wondered if I could prevent the end from coming.. Questions, all stirred from my heart, began to assault my brain. Had I not been a good enough listener to keep her presence around for half an hour? Had I not given up enough of what I felt to make her life more convenient? I was already at a loss for what more I could sacrifice, and, despite giving her my all, I felt I was just now getting nothing in return.
“So these weekly meetings will have to endure a small hiatus.’ Rarity looked to me now, her eyes pleading with mine, as her forelegs curled against her chest. My heart stopped as my eyes grew moist at the sight. “I know it’s rude of me to even suggest such a thing after all that I ask from you, but I hope that you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me.”
Of course, I didn’t miss a beat. “Of course I do, Rarity,” I said, not knowing the words to be truth or lie, but my instincts had already chosen my path. “You already know I’d do anything to see you happy, and it makes me glad that this creature can excite you this much.”She gave me such a graceful nod in agreement—I guess I had become a decent liar over the years. That, or she genuinely didn't care, which I couldn’t blame her for.
I was beginning to stop caring for myself as well.
“Thank you, Spike.” I didn’t know why, but she rose from her seat, and began to shuffle to the table’s side. Just as I was about to open my mouth to ask, she had already spoken. “I’m sorry to leave so soon, but I was honestly thought it would take longer explain the situation in full to you. Are you okay if I leave now to get started on that gentleman’s design?”
I wanted for her to say longer, to record as many memories as could since this would be our last encounter—at least for a long time. Didn’t I deserve to have her for just a little longer, before losing her entirely?“Of course, Rarity,” I said, but this time, I couldn’t force a smile. A look of hurt flashed upon her face, telling me that she knew I was struggling internally, but I didn't want her to struggle alongside me.
Rarity was not a bad mare, and she never will be. It wasn’t her thought for picking up on my hidden feelings, and, after some time, I told her they had become non-existent. I was great at hiding my subtle dismays from her piercing gaze, always able to change the subject whenever she caught my hurt undertone.
I think that after a while, she concluded I was just this strange little dragon. One that she was glad to call a friend.
In this present moment, with my world crashing down around me, I couldn’t stop myself from slipping. I would hate myself later for doing this, but any agony I felt then, I knew it wouldn’t compare to always wondering if I ever had a chance or not. “Hey, Rarity?”
“Hmm?” She brought her muzzle down to the saddlebag adorning her side, undoing the clasp, and opening it with a tug of her teeth.
“Out of curiosity.” I took a heavy breath, beginning to stare at her once again, in such a way that she was forced to look back at me. Our eyes met, and then I spoke. “What does this guy have...that I don’t?”
Rarity pushed her lips to the side. “Just what do you mean by that, Spike?”
“Just...the way you talk about him.” I shook my head as the words eluded me, though I kept our eye contact. “I’ve never heard you talk about our interactions like that. I just...I just...feel so inferior to him—all by hearing about the few conversation you two had.”I sighed, clenching my claw tight. “Tell me Rarity, please, what does he have that I lack?”
She seemed to understand my fear immediately, not hesitating to come around to my seat and pull me into a quick hug. I was taken aback, feeling her soft cur caress my smooth scales, but my mind was too hyperactive to indulge in its bliss. “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry, my dear Spikey-Wikey.” I thought for a moment she was mocking me by using my pet name, but her tone held too much concern to be labeled as a joke. “I never meant to evoke any such feelings in you at all. But promise me, please promise me that you’ll make no such comparisons of yourself to others again.”
Confusion graced my features as I pulled away from her chest, locking with her beautiful blue eyes. They were filled with sympathy, a sympathy meant for me. “You may sometimes be a little brash and a little slow to catch on.”I’m not sure of those beautiful eyes were enough to soothe my wounds from her hurtful words, but I continued to stare into them nonetheless. “But you always learned from your mistakes and did your best to see that they never repeat.” She pulled her hoof back to her side, taking a step away from me, as if trusting me alone with myself again. “You also crafted yourself into the perfect gentlemen, a trait that most stallions can never achieve, no matter how hard they try to change themselves. I like you for you, Spike, and I wish for you to do the same.”
I smiled, the words I so desperately wanted to hear all my life finally being said, by her no less, but that didn’t change the facts of the case. Rarity was leaving me, to go and hunch over a design meant for another, whom she would go on to have an actual conversation with later on.
I just couldn’t let this sappy conversation end here. “But what about him, Rarity?”
It was her turn to sigh, to slump her shoulders, and for her eyes to fill with something other than sympathy. “I like him for different reasons, because the two of you are different. That is not to say that I think him better than you, or him worse than you, since the two mean the same thing to me.”
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, even in the presence of her. ‘It just so happens that you enjoy spending time with him more.”
“I never said that.” She lowered her head until we were at eye level, her tone never gaining any aggression. “Spike, there’s something you must understand. This creature is far older than you are now, and as a result, has more experiences than what you currently possess.”
Whatever she was trying to tell me was important. The haze of anger in my mind began to clear, as I opened my nonexistent ears.
“Those greater experiences allows us to relate to more, to discuss matters you’ve not matured adequately enough to understand. A lot is happening in the world that you are unaware of, and for a good reason.”
I kept listening, though I wasn’t sure if I was going to like her conclusion.
“This creature...Jake is his name. He has wit, developed from both this world and his, and a body that I have never quite seen before, but I know it well made by all the work he has endured.”
Jake. So that was my contender’s name...
...what a stupid name! Only ponies from the army were named like that.
“And, even though we tend to play games with our words,” she began once again, drawing my attention away from my depiction of the stupid army man, “I get this sensation we understand each other at a deeper level, that we both know just what operates at our cores. You can’t begin image the comfort this brings me, knowing that someone else feels what I feel, and that they don’t mind the company either.”
“But I know you feel.” I couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth, deciding to follow them to their end, no matter what. “I listen to everything that you say, do everything you need me to do.”
“I know that Spike, and I thank you.” She bowed her head to me, but for some reason, that only made me feel worse. “But there’s a difference between knowledge and experience, and there are some matters you’re still too young to understand yet.”
I kept my mouth shut after that. Of course, I knew that I was just a kid. Every time we went somewhere fancy, every time I ever entered her aura, I knew that I was still just a kid. But I wanted to be more than just a kid—I wanted to be her equal.
“Being young is nothing to be ashamed of, Spike.” Rarity stood back up, looking around to see if we had earned any of the other guests’ attention. There were an odd few looking at us, but she didn’t seem to care as she looked back to me. “It just means you have a lot of growing up to do, and that is an incredible journey in and of itself. I know I may not have much time for you for a little while, but I do hope that when I return, you were able to live for yourself for a little.”
My eyes blinked. Just how much of my concealed feelings had she picked up on?
“That way, you and I will have a lot to talk about.”
Then, it happened, and it was outside my control. A smile was stretched across my lips, and apparently, she couldn't repel the effect either. We looked to one another, smiling at one another with twinkling eyes, not quite sure what to say or do next.
So for once in my passive life, I took the lead.
“You absolutely right, Rarity,” I said, standing up on my seat despite my better manners. “I may be lacking in a lot right now because I’m a kid, but I won’t let that keep me down for long.” I exhaled, my smile still present. “Just you wait, one of these days, I’m gonna grow so mature that I can sit a table with both you and Jake.”
Rarity lowered her head slightly, nuzzling my cheek as a reward for my bravery. “And I await the day. ”She pulled back, walking to the side of the table, as this would be her final goodbye. Her muzzle disappeared into her satchel as she searched for the pouch within. “This time, I do have to go, but I should have enough to cover both of our—”
“Don’t sweat it,” I said with the wave of my claw, causing her to pull out of her bag with a raised brow. “I got a bonus in my allowance for all my extra help around the library, so I don’t mind paying for you and me.”
I wanted to prove to her that I was on a trek to growing up, to becoming that dragon who she could hold those kinds of conversations with. She seemed to acknowledge my attempts, for a moment later, her lips met my cheeks, which burned upon their arrival.
“Thank you, Spike.” She whispered into my ear, pulling away altogether. Rarity offered me one final smile, before turning around, and walking towards the restaurant's exit. I watched the mare of my dreams leave me for someone else, my chest feeling as empty as my pouch.
I sat back down at the table, alone in a fancy restaurant, feeling still like a kid among the stallions and mares twice my age. They felt like they belonged here while I didn’t—yet here I was anyway. I wondered, what it would take to become like those stallions and mares...to truly grow up?
“Sir, may I ask where your lady has gone?”
My head turned right to find that the server had returned, balancing a platter atop his hoof, where two steaming cups of clear and thick liquid were. I had never thought up what I was going to say when he returned, so I did what most grown ups do, and lied. “She was feeling ill and went home,” I waved my claw before his face before he could hope to scrunch it up in irritation. “But don’t worry, I’ll pay for both of our drinks.”
“That won’t be necessary, sir. We would never dream of charging a lady if she were not feeling well.” Huh, I guess my pouch wouldn't become so light after all. I’m not going to lie, I kinda liked this server guy despite not knowing him—maybe it was because he didn’t come from the army. “Though we still ask that you pay for your drink.”
He began to reach for my drink on the tray, and, without knowing why, I stopped him. “Uhm, can I ask you a question? ”His hoof stopped reaching for the hot chocolate as he fixed his gaze upon me. He then nodded his head. “Grown up ponies, like those around us, and especially those from the army.” I know I sounded dumb, that I was fumbling with my claws and my tone leaking with nervousness—but, sometimes, awkwardness is required in order to improve. “They drink coffee...right? Because of their maturity?”
The server continued to look at me as if he were studying my features, before responding. “I’ve been told that’s been the case regarding some ponies. Why do you ask, dear sir?”
I put on yet another smile for this stranger, and strangely enough, it didn’t feel fake nor hurt.
“Can I get a coffee instead?”
Then, for whatever reason, he began to smile as well.
“Only if you’re willing to pay for them both.”
