Brat's Dark Side

I sit down at my new, clean desk and take out the parchment paper I’ve been working on for days.

To My Insufferable Brat Tigris,

Brat… You know, it’s weird. Until you showed up, I’ve never called someone by that name before. Even this name has meaning. I’ll explain the things I promised I would, starting with this name.

It’s simply because you are one. I don’t care for many ponies. When I do, they don’t stay for long. I was taught from a young age that ponies will leave you. I was taught you shouldn’t let ponies close enough to hurt you. Quite honestly, I tried. I didn’t mean to let you get close to me at all. But I failed at that. When I met you in November, I knew you were going to be insufferable so I’m not exactly sure what caused me to form a friendship with you, to be honest. But, I’m really happy I did.

I suppose… In a way I am jealous of you. One could say. You smile and laugh, you’re a great mare with a lot of nice (And annoying) quirks. I wish I could be like you. (Yes, you have that in writing, now shut it.) But, I do envy you, for being so happy. The only reason I think I was mad when I was around you was because I can’t be like that. I can’t put on a smile, a real one. You came in everyday and you always had a smile. I don’t think it mattered if you were having a good day or a rough day because you still smiled anyway. Please, don’t lose it. Don’t lose your smile.

I hope you realize how nice of a person you actually are. When we sat in Global Studies that day, you told me your dreams and how you didn’t want to see people suffering. You care about people, even me. Which, I’m still quite confused on. Why do you care about me anyway? Being mean to you like that was supposed to drive you away. It was supposed to make you mad and not want to be friends with me. But you didn’t seem to mind it, so eventually I gave up trying to push you away. Remember, you are a nice person with a lot of potential and if anyone denies that I’ll punch them. Even you. So, don’t go and say you’re not. Because I’ll punch you so far, you’ll get sent back to the beginning of ninth grade.

Even though this whole year, I’ve been in pain. You made it so much better, even if it didn’t seem like I was in pain. And I appreciate you. I want to apologize the most of all for that. Because now you’re all the way across the country and I can’t do that. I reminisce the time we spent together and I look forward to spending more time with you in the future. I don’t care how far away you are. I know I’ve mostly been a short, pissy, cold pony towards you, but I’m like that to everypony. There’s a reason for that too but I’ll get into that later. I’m so glad you were there, because I never said much about it. But, thank you for being there, even if you didn’t realize you were. Even if I didn’t say I was in pain, there were times when you came to my rescue and didn’t even realize it. Just promise me, you’ll remember one thing from this letter. And it’s this: Not all wounds show, not all hurt heals, you can’t always see the pain someone feels. Don’t judge someone for the choice they made when you don’t know the options they had to choose from, and whatever you do, never assume someone sees two roads.

My family mostly, assumes things so these are just a few things I’ve learned. The first one you’ll have to figure out on your own… Because I’ll only go into that one a little bit.

The second one… You may think you know the full story, but maybe you don’t. So please, never judge somepony for the choice they choose, because you never know the circumstances of the situation they were in so sometimes it’s hard to tell what their options were. When I was young I had to make a choice. You can be sensitive and be hurt by others or you can be heartless and hurt others. I had to choose one, and I think you know which one I chose by how I act. But I think it’s better if you don’t know about me, right?

The third one, is a bit hard to explain. Lunar Shade, she always asks why I choose to take the hard road, I bite my tongue and tell her I don’t know. But I want to know why does she assume I see two roads? Do you understand that? There are so many thing I want to say to her but I always kept quiet. And yet, at the end of the day… I have bite marks on my tongue from all the things I didn’t say.

The first one is hard to answer. I’ll only go into it a little bit, and maybe one day I’ll find the courage to explain the whole story to you but that’s a story for another time. 2AM, that’s when it happens. That’s when everything comes crashing down all too quickly for me to pick it back up and put it into place. I think of everything I’ve messed up in life, everypony I’ve had to hurt. It keeps me up at night. So please, don’t judge me, when you don’t know the demons I fight every time the sun goes down. I’m mad all the time because it feels like I’m in this constant loop.

A lot of traumatizing things happened to me as a child, from the time I was three to even now as I write this letter to you. I can’t remember a lot of it. But if I hear a song or a smell that I recognize from my childhood it’ll instantly bring me back to wherever I remember it from even if I don’t recognize where it’s from consciously. Does that make sense? Most of my pain is mental, and I keep all bottled up to myself, waiting for the right time to release it, for me that’s alone at night in the dark, where no one can hear me crying. But everyday when I wake up, I try to keep it covered with a tough exterior. Especially when I’m around others because I don’t like people knowing I’m weak.

The reason I act so cold, distant, stoic, and whatever other words you described me as is because I go through this pain, I’m actually really emotional. I just can’t show it. Lunar, she is my Father’s sister. Otherwise known as my Aunt. Before my Father left, he wanted me to be placed in her care. Not knowing just how emotionally abusive she was, Lunar only agreed to take me in so she could use me as a chess piece basically and after she was done with me, she wanted to pawn me off to an orphanage or family friend.

The only thing on her mind is loyalty. She wanted to place a lot of trust and power in me to finish her fights with the people who disagreed with her morals. She started to use me before my only when my father died. She used me for years, my grandmother begged her to stop, because I fought every one of her battles. Not just with family but with friends too. She made me despise a lot of people because I didn’t know what was going on, I was only nine. I’m scarred from the things I had to do to my family.

The things I had to do to my family, the things I had to say, I had to rip my family apart with only words. That’s part of the reason I feel I have no choice but to be the way I am because she did use me to get her revenge on the ponies who disagreed with her. She taught me to fight, fight fiercely, and never give up until your opponent is crushed with nothing left to even defend themselves with. She taught me that I was and still am responsible for knowing every answer to every problem without any guides or anything, that’s something I can’t go to anyone for help.

Everyday for the past six years, I would come home from school and train in our basement from dusk to dawn. No breaks, no food if my training wasn’t satisfactory.

This is why I was scared, to get close to you, to form a friendship. I didn’t want to get hurt again.

Then I told a lie, I was nine when I first lied to myself. From then on, I convinced myself I never had a choice. I fought more battles, not my Aunt’s but anyone who wanted to use me. They all taught me different things but the one thing that stuck with me was that I didn’t have a choice. There’s still more to this story, but it’s a story for another time. I promise I’ll tell it all to you one day. But I think it’s better if you don’t know about me, right?

You have many ponies who love and care about you, you are bright, energetic (Too energetic for me, but whatever.) young, mare and you have so much love around you! I hope you’ve learned something from the above.

Moving on, don’t let ponies get to you. Ponies are morons, and if they can’t see you for what you’re worth, that’s not your fault, that’s theirs. If they don’t like your attitude, that’s their problem. Not yours. A lot of ponies don’t like me for my attitude, because usually I look like I’m about to punch somepony. So, no one wants to get near me.

Never harm yourself, physically or mentally, indirectly or directly. Because, I promise you it will stay with you for the rest of your life. Don’t abuse someone’s kindness. Not that I think you’d do that anyway and vice versa. Don’t let ponies abuse your kindness either, because even the nicest ponies have their limits. I’m not sure what I’d do if you lost your smile or yourself. High school is going to be hard, I guarantee it. But you’ll make many friends wherever you go and you’ll go many places. So don’t try to be depressed, don’t try to be like Nightglimmer or me, because I like you for what you are. Don’t replace your smile with a pissed expression like I do, don’t pretend to be happy when you aren't like Nightglimmer. Don’t be us.

I wanted to say sorry though. That was a big point of this letter. I’m sorry, for being a mad, stubborn pony. I’m sorry that I told you to shut up, I’m sorry. You’re a great friend and I didn’t appreciate that while you were here. I know a letter won’t make up for all the times I‘ve said hurtful things to you. But I really wasn’t sure how to react.

Next. Whenever you're going through a bad time. An argument with friends or family, a break up, or whatever else it may be. I want you to come back here and reread his letter as many times as it takes for you to get the memo in your head. I state it at the beginning and at the end of each paragraph. The point of the paragraph. So, please… Always come back and read this letter again and again until you know that you are a brat, you are a nice person, appreciate people and the time you have with them because one day, your forever will collapse into numbered days, know that I appreciate you, never think badly of yourself, don’t let people get to you, never harm yourself, never try to act like someone else, know that I am sorry.

The little thing actually really matter. I think you know this already but I’m going to write it anyway. How rich you are, what size your house is or how big your family is won’t matter. Things do add up though, enjoy walking through the woods and hearing the birds, get up early and eat a good breakfast, and everything else. I don’t eat until my training is complete. But if I had the chance, I would take it. I don’t eat lunch and I don’t eat breakfast. But please, do what you can to keep yourself healthy.

Please remember that you can handle this, you are strong… and for whatever purpose it is that you opened this letter I think you’ll get through it. You’re really strong and I hope you’re not too sad, angry, or mad. I simply wrote this letter to remind you of all the little things that I find interesting about you, I think I covered almost everything that you asked me to. The reason behind your nickname, and the other things you asked about. I even shared some of myself, but that’s not what this letter is about.

Hopefully, I reminded you of some reasons people like you and I hope you learned some things too. We haven’t know each other for too long and I’m sad you left. But I never showed it. At least not in front of our friends. Again, it was one of the things that happen in the dark when I’m alone at night. But I’ll never say anything, because I don’t want you to see me like that.

You’re incredibly strong, and I’m not saying that to make you feel better, I’m saying that because you are. You came in everyday to school with a smile upon your face and bright eyes. Something the rest of us didn’t have. When all of us were depressed and having terrible days, we ranted and went on about how bad it was. You’d sympathize for us but you never let our unhappiness and misery drag you down.

I will never be happy, I already know that. There will only be days that I am a little less mad than others. But, I will never be happy without you, Moonrose, NightShade or Nightglimmer here. While Nightglimmer still will be here, it’ll feel weird not having you guys pester us. I won’t be happy, not without my friends. I learned that I should try to smile, even though it won’t happen much. Not without my friends. I learned I need to try and see things from a different point of view and appreciate what I have because one day… I’ll wake up full of regrets to see everything gone. I learned I need to try and see the good in the terrible. I’ve learned a lot more from you but if I were to keep going… this letter would never end.

So I’m not going to make a commitment to try smiling more often or try to be happy. Even after you leave I’ll still have ups and downs, good days and rough days, there will be nights where I am curled up on the floor crying my eyes out having a break down at one in the morning without anyone to hold me. I can tell you know that I can bear any pain, as long as it has meaning. I will make a commitment to appreciating what I have, like you do. I didn’t know you could lose things you cared about so quickly until it happened to me the first time when I was six. Truth is you knew you had it. You’d just never thought you’d lose it. So, I promise you, even when everything around me is crashing to hard and too quickly to fix, I’ll will try to see the good in it.

I hope I taught you many things during the time you were in Hoofington. You are nice, and kind and smart and I hope you never lose the light inside you.

Brat… You know, it’s weird. Until you showed up, I’ve never called someone by that name before.

Love,

Darkie

I put the letter into an envelope and write ‘To My Insufferable Brat Tigris’ on the front in metallic gold pen.

I put the letter inside my satchel and throw it over me, I teleport over to StarSpell and run through the old streets kicking up dust behind me. “Brat?!” I yell, hoping to see her pop out.

I walk around some more looking at all the old and worn down building. “Darkie?!” I spin around, feeling agitated and see Brat. “Yeah? I heard you calling me.”

“Oh yeah, right.” I take a look at her, she has her camera around her neck, “So you’re here taking pictures again?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty here and I want to remember this place along with all the ponies I made friends with.” She replies, taking a photo a purple flower.

I nod my head and open up my satchel, take out the letter and look at her. “Hey Brat, I have something for you.” Like a child she shoots up, rising to her full height and looks at me with eagerness. “Don’t open this until you really need me and I can’t be there for you.” I hand her the letter, she puts it in her bag and topples me over engulfing me in a hug.

“I know you don’t like it when I hug you. But… Now that I’m moving on Friday, will you let me touch your horn?”

I roll my eyes and try to get up off the ground. She continues to pin me down and I pretend to struggle. “Since I have no other choice, go for it.” She squeals with delight and gently boops my horn then gets off of me.

“Thanks Darkie.”

“Brat.” I say, walking away from her. “I’ll see you at the party.” I teleport back home and arrive in my bedroom.