Culture shock

True to her word, as soon as breakfast was over, we went out into the courtyard to board a chariot bound for Canterlot. "What, you don't wanna teleport us there Twilight?"
Glaring, she snaps at me a little. "If you would prefer, I can have Spike send you with his Dragonfire. It would certainly be faster."

"Jesus Twilight, who the fuck shit in your Cheerios?" I ask, kinda miffed. "Not a morning pony are you?" I hear her grumble under her breath, something about talking to others before coffee, and how it should be punishable by public gelding.
"Hey Spike," I whisper, "how hard would it be for you to send me to Canterlot with your fire?"

"Not hard at all." He casually says. "Though it would probably hurt like crazy. Don't mind Twilight, you're right, she's not a morning pony at all, once her coffee kicks in, she'll be back to normal. Or somewhat neurotic. You never know sometimes. She lives on coffee, the only one I've seen rival her in coffee intake is you."

"Yea," I grin at him, "but when she drinks too much of it is when she gets neurotic. I don't have that problem."
Twlight sticks her head out the window of the chariot. "GET YOUR ASSES IN THE CHARIOT NOW!"

It's only been 15 minutes into the ride, and Twilight is already starting to get a little neurotic.

"Spike, did you pack plenty of scrolls?"

"Yes Twilight."

"What about quills and ink? I don't want to have to borrow any from Celestia."

"Yes Twilight. We have all the things that you need."

"What do you think she wants to talk to us about? I hope that she's not angry about what happened the other day. What if she puts John on trial? What if she throws him back into the dungeon? What if-"

"Twilight." I interject. "Calm down. For one, if Princess Celestia wanted me in jail, it would be just the two of you in this chariot right now. She's probably more curious about my weapon than the actual accident itself." I lean back, pop open a window and light a cigarette.

"I'm sure that Princess Celestia has enough faith in you to know that you can handle things on your own. She did make you a Princess right?"

She looks off into the distance, a fond look on her face. "Yea. She ascended me into an alicorn herself. But what if she decides I failed?! What if she changes me back to a unicorn?!"

I roll my eyes at her. "You need a vacation. Might I recommend Hawaii?"

"Princess! Is everything ok in there? We can smell smoke!"

"Yes, everything is ok, just someone decided to light one of those ciggert things in here." She glares at me.

"Sorry." I flick it out the window. "Say, how much coffee did you drink before we left?"

"Two cups, why?"

I snicker and look at Spike.

"Amateur."

"Princesses Celestia and Luna will see you now."

A stuffy looking unicorn with a white coat and golden mane brings us to Celestia's chambers. Even being only four feet tall, he still manages to make me feel like he's looking down on me. "How is Rarity faring lately?"

"Buzz off Blueblood." Twilight says flatly, not even bothering to look at him. Can't really blame her there with his attitude. He looks up at me, disdain clear on his face. I look at him flatly.

"So uncivilized."

"Listen fuckface, Twilight doesn't like you. Because of that, and your personality in general, I dont like you. So fuck off." Spike trys to hold in a snicker, but fails.

"It's Prince Blueblood to you."

And I thought decaffeinated Twilight was grumpy.

Entering Celestia's chambers, I bow to her, noting that she has a midnight blue alicorn sitting next to her.

"Good morning Princess."

"John, it's nice to see you again. How are things going so far?"

I look at Twilight, thinking of the last few days. "They've been quite... interesting."

"Yes, we hear that they have been." The blue alicorn speaks. While Celestia has a warm, almost motherly tone to her voice, this one sounds more regal, serene. Her face seems like she is more curious, and she approaches me, wanting to take a closer look.

"We are Princess Luna, Princess of the night. Thou does not see us in the waking realm often, but thou may often see us in thy dreams. Our sister takes care of our ponies in the day, while we guard them in their dreams in the night."
While speaking in this odd manner, she is walking around me, studying me. I can't quite figure out her speech, and it must be clear on my face.

"Art thou confused by the Royal We?"

"Uh, yes Princess, I'm not sure why you refer to yourself as if you are a group of ponies."

"It is an old manner of speaking, one that hasn't been used for almost a thousand years." She chuckles. "Not too long ago, we were still in the habit of using the Royal Canterlot Voice. We had trouble speaking with the citizens of Equestria because of that."

"Is that the really loud voice that almost makes your ears bleed?"

"Yes, 'tis indeed." She chuckles, blushing. She smiles at me, and returns to her seat.
"Please, sit and have tea with us."

"Do you have any coffee?" Out of nowhere a new pot appears on the table. I pour myself a cup. Twilight reaches for the pot, but I pull it from her. "No coffee for you, you're neurotic enough as it is right now."

The look on Twilight's face is priceless. "I AM NOT NEUROTIC! Just because I was super nervous about how this meeting was going to go and didn't want to see you thrown in jail because you got shot in the shoulder with your own gun and had a weapon I'm Equestria and got me drunk and accidentally-"

"I prove my point." Twilight glares at me, but I simply grin back. She takes a cup of tea instead.

"So, first things first. What was that food you sent last night? It was quite good in all honesty."

I grin, explaining what little I know about Italian food, and the basic recipe for pizza. I'm getting curious about what kind of toppings I'm gonna see on pizza now.

"Yes, but thou should have sent more, we did not get to have any of it, and we are disappointed about it."

The mood starts to grow somber however, and I'm sure I know why.

"Twilight told me about what happened two days ago."

Well, can't say I'm surprised that this came up. Twilight looks nervous, fidgeting with her teacup more than anything.

"Yes, there was an... accident involving a weapon I had in my truck. Spike found it, and not knowing what it was, accidentally shot me." I say as honestly as I can. "I'm not holding any grudges, and Twilight and I have agreed that for the time being it would be best to keep the weapon in her custody. It led to some... interesting conversation."

The sisters share a look of concern. "Interesting in what manner?"

"I explained to her my species' tendency for war. There seems to be little conflict here, at least on the surface. That isn't the case in my world, a planet we call Earth. We fight openly, with little shame. Yet despite that, there are people who are like you, who only strive for peaceful coexistence with others. I promised Twilight that I would never allow the hatred and violence from Earth to spill over here."

They both look relieved, but now curious. "Thou speak of this as though you are familiar, yes?"

I nod, not sure how to explain. "Before I came here, a few years ago, I was a part of that. I was a soldier for my country, and had been to war. It is a horrible thing to experience. That is a part of my past now, and I would prefer to keep it that way."

"Thou were a soldier once?" Luna asks.

"Yes." I say proudly. "While the experience of war is horrible in itself, I am proud of my service to my country. Because of it, I have a brotherhood with all other servicemembers, no matter what capacity they served in. They are like family to me."

They nod, respecting my viewpoint. "And what of us?" Celestia asks. "We are peaceful, but we have had war in the past. If war were to come to Equestria, would you help to defend her?"

"I would Princess. You have been kind to me, and I wouldn't turn my back on you simply because I don't want to go back to being a soldier. My own honor would not allow it."

"That is good to know. I'm sure you're aware, but there is more to this meeting than just discussing your accident, and war. We are also here to discuss how relations with Princess Twilight are going. From what she has told us in her reports, it seems that you're not as much of a threat as we originally thought." Celestia pauses, taking a sip of tea. "Your doctor, Bedside Manner even put in a good word for you. With this in mind, we have decided to lift your house arrest. From this moment on, you are free to go as you please, and meet the rest of Equestria's populace."

"Thank you Princess, for trusting in me. I am looking forward to seeing the rest of Ponyville. I just hope that my novelty doesn't prove too much for everyone."

"You're welcome John." Celestia smiles warmly at me. "You will find that outside of Canterlot, ponies are very friendly, even to complete strangers."

"Our other order of business is whether thou wishes to remain in Equestria." Luna states.

"Well Princess, I haven't really thought about that." I sit back, thinking about whether I really would want to stay here. It's a nice place to live, kinda like home, but more laid back. "I'm not sure how to answer that Princess. With everything going on, I haven't had a chance to think about it. I know that I will have many friends here, and a good life. But one thing I haven't done yet is settle down with someone, and start a family. I don't see any other humans here, and I wouldn't want to bring someone here against their will." They look thoughtful, and Celestia speaks to me.

"We haven't found how you came to arrive here yet. Two of Twilight's friends have gone in search of answers, but I haven't heard anything yet myself." She looks to Twilight. "Twilight, has Applejack and Fluttershy returned from seeing Discord yet?"

"Speaking of the devil" a sly, jovial voice sounds from seemingly nowhere. A cloud of smoke forms into this... thing. What the everloving fuck is that thing?

"Who in the fuck are you?" I stand up, instinctively putting myself between it and Twilight.

"Tsk tsk." He chuckles. "Naughty human, using such dirty language in front of the Princesses. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" He floats into the air, laying in a hammock, upside down, sipping a drink and wearing sunglasses. "I presume you must be John." He makes a toilet appear, flushing it before it winks out of existence again.

"And you are...?" I ask. Until I determine this thing isn't a threat, I'm not budging from being in front of Twilight. The sisters are quite powerful, but something makes me want to protect Twilight from harm. Despite this, she sidesteps me, and tries to defuse things.

"This is Discord. The one we think might have brought you here."

"Me?" He sits up, feigning offense. "No, this little trick is not mine. I may do many things. But bringing anyone, pony or otherwise, into a potentially harmful situation is not my style. I prefer the fun chaos." With that, he snaps his fingers, and pink rain clouds appear above us, raining chocolate milk.

"If thou hast no part in this, perhaps thou would tell us how this might have come to pass?" Luna asks, soaked in chocolate milk. "And if it pleases thou, dispatch the clouds from our presence. We do not like getting soaked in chocolate milk."

"Oh Loony, you're no fun." He snaps his fingers again, and the rain stops. He pulls a cloud down and starts eating it. "It is an old trick though."

"As for your guest here, I may have had no part in it, but I can point you in a direction. He pulls a spinner arrow out of a bag and flicks it with his tail. As it spins, he continues his monologue. " About 3 weeks ago, I felt a surge of power. It was more powerful than anything I've felt in recent memory. Out of pure curiosity, I set out to investigate." He looks at me with a serious face. "You wouldn't believe what I found."

"It wasn't Tirek, or Sombra again was it?"

"No, quite the opposite actually. Deep in the White Tail Woods, I found....."

All four of us are now practically falling forward we're leaning so far in.

"Silly, if I told you, that would ruin the surprise now wouldn't it?" He looks down, pointing at the arrow. It stopped while he was speaking, now pointing roughly Southwest. "This arrow will help you find the answers that you seek. You will be pleasantly surprised by what you find I'm sure." He shrinks it down until it's the size of a phone, giving it to me. "Alas, I cannot give you any more answers. Arrivederci!" With that final word, he disappears in a cloud of fireworks.

"Does he normally give wierd, mysterious answers like that?" I ask sardonically, looking at Twilight.

"Oh, you have no idea." She answers. "Celestia, John and I will go into the White Tail Woods and investigate. Hopefully the answers really are there and this isn't another one of Discord's puzzles." She looks at me, new questions in her eyes. "Maybe then we can start to make sense of what's going on here."