The Enchanted Pastry

by Pink Rocket

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Rarity, Alternate Universe, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1667

Rarity has had enough adventure! Now it's time to sit down and enjoy some cake!

After many years of fighting dragons, changelings and the spirit of chaos himself (all to save her NEET girlfriend), you could easily say that Rarity has been pretty much through Tartarus.
But now that Princess Twilight Sparkle is at long last free, Rarity has finally decided to lay back, relax and treat herself to a chocolate cake.

And nopony is going to stop her!

A parody chapter based on Monochromatic's fic The Enchanted library.

Happy birthday, Mono! 👌

Published 2017-06-24 01:10:12 UTC
Last updated 2017-06-24 01:10:12 UTC

~ Act XIII ~ 99 ~ The Chocolate Cake on the Kitchen Counter ~

There it was. A chocolate cake just for her!

Rarity grinned like an idiot as she stared at the enormous chocolate cake before her. She'd been waiting months for this cake, maybe even years! A thousand years! That's what it had felt like. Aah, but here she was, right in front of the chocolate giant, waiting to be consumed by her graceful lips.

Today was Rarity's day! And that day was all about kitchen isolation, and cake eating.

Rarity slammed down a glass of water next to the cake on the table and snatched up her fork, ready to dig in. She was finally going to get that stupid cake out of her face and into her belly.

Ping, ping, ping!

Rarity's ear flicked at the the familiar sound and she grimaced as she looked down to see her necklace glowing. Twilight was calling... And though that usually wasn't a problem now that Twilight had been promoted to girlfriend status, it was still undesired as no mare, princess or nay, were really allowed to interrupt cake time.

Rarity frowned and put down her fork and activated her necklace, "Hey, Twilight," Rarity answered unenthusiastically.

"Rarity, don't eat the cake! It's been poisoned!"

Rarity's eyes widen, "What?" she furrowed her brow and looked suspiciously at the cake. "Are you sure?"

"Yes!" Twilight exclaimed. "It's a trap! Don't eat the cake."

Rarity leaned forward and looked over the cake, "Oh..." she said, tapping her chin. "Well, what about just the icing? Can I just eat the icing? I don't think there will be any poison in that."

"Rarity, no! None of the cake!"

Rarity sighed and rolled her eyes, "I'm gonna take my chances with the icing, darling. Just a sec."

"No, Rarity! Don't eat any of it! Ever! None!"

Rarity frowned and scraped up some chocolate icing with the tip of her hoof. She looked over the dollop on her hoof and honestly, it didn't look poisonous at all. It just looked like regular icing.

Regular delicious icing.

Rarity stuck the hoof in her mouth and sure enough, the blissful taste of delicious chocolate made it's appearance on her tongue and no signs of poison whatsoever.

"I already tried a little bit of the icing," Rarity announced as she reached for a second helping, "might as well, just not stop."

"Rarity, listen to me! Don't eat the icing!" Twilight screamed through the necklace as Rarity scooped up another lick of icing and put it in her mouth. "No, stop it!"

"I'm just eating the icing, darling," Rarity sang, cleaning her hoof from the icing. "It's good icing! It doesn't taste poisonous to me."

"Rarity! Listen to me! I'm your girlfriend for crying out loud!" Twilight yelled out in frustration.

"It's really good icing," Rarity insisted as she ate even more of it. "It's chocolate."

"Rarity, don't eat that cake! There's poison in it!"

"Alright, alright!" Rarity rolled her eyes and cleaned her hoof off with a napkin. "I'm not gonna eat any of the cake."

"Good!" Twilight exclaimed followed by a huge sigh of relief, "Good... Thank you."

Rarity slowly lifted her fork as she listened to Twilight taking deep breaths in attempt to calm herself down from her previous outburst. Like a stealthy ninja, Rarity worked her magic on her fork, sending the the little torpedo on an adventure to chocolate cake land. A land where no troubles were present and no overcautious girlfriends existed.

It was a land of joy, but alas this little torpedo was naught by a tourist, soon to be returning home. But not empty hoofed! No... because this little fork was gonna bring back home a great big souvenir. A souvenir that would be greatly enjoyed! Praised even!

And oh, how delicious it would be! With it's perfect texture and moist—

"Rarity, are you eating that fucking cake?"

Rarity's eyes widen as her chewing came to a sudden stop...

"No," a mouth full of cake answered.

"RARITY!"

"I'm not gonna swallow it!" cake-filled mumbles quickly tried to defend.

"Damn it, Rarity! Why can't you just eat another cake?!" Twilight shrieked. "There are plenty of cakes in this world! You don't need the poison one!"

"I want this one!" Rarity frowned, slamming her hoof at the table.

Of all the days, Twilight had to be overly unreasonable, it had to be on Rarity's special cake day! Rarity pouted and crossed her forelegs.

"I'm gonna spit it out," Rarity finally complied and reluctantly spit the chewed piece out into her napkin.

"Just don't put the cake in your mouth at all!" Twilight cried. "The cake is poisoned, Rarity... It's a poisonous cake..!"

Rarity rolled her eyes as she poked around in the cake.

This was getting ridiculous.

The cake hadn't even tasted poisonous. It tasted fine.

"Now," Twilight began, "you can either take my advice—"

"Shut up, Twilight," Rarity said with a raspberry and stuck another piece of cake into her mouth.

"WHAT?!"

"Stop acting all high and mighty! There's nothing wrong with this cake," Rarity said nonchalantly as she chewed on her cake, "and I'm going to eat it."

"Damn it, Rarity! No!"

"I've got an idea," Rarity said as she swallowed her bite and brought forth the glass of water on the table.

"What are you doing, Rarity?"

"Hold on a second! I'm trying something..."

Sticking her fork into the cake, Rarity digged out a huge bite which she stuffed into the glass of water on the table.

"I put the cake into water," Rarity announced and began stirring the cake, watching it dissolve. "Maybe, it'll dilute the poison!"

"Nooooo!" Twilight groaned in frustration.

"Aqua cake!" Rarity exclaimed happily, taking a sip of the cake filled water.

"Damn it, Rarity! Why won't you listen to me?!"

"Mmmh, fantastic!" Rarity smiled, licking her lips. "Though, it's much better in solid form."

Just as Rarity was about to partake in another bite of delicious cake, she suddenly didn't feel so well. Her body felt tight and head was all lightheaded and woozy. Carousel woozy.

"Silverware is getting kind of heavy," Rarity heard herself say as the magic grip on the million ton fork suddenly disappeared, making it clang down onto the table.

"Rarity!" Twilight called out for her.

"Ugh," Rarity groaned and covered her mouth, feeling first-degree nausea hit her like an incoming train, "what did they put in this cake?"

Rarity felt like she had to lean on the table for a while. Just for a little while. Enough to catch her breath and wait out the back-and-forth rocking that had infected the entire kitchen.

She frowned as she rubbed the side of her temples. Of all the times to get a bad migraine, it had to be at cake time! This was Twilight's fault! All her nagging and silly poison talk had caused all this...

"Rarity, are you crying blood?"

Rarity sat in silence as she now felt the thick streams of fluid pouring out and down her face.

"...No."

"I TOLD YOU IT WAS POISON, RARITY!"

In an instant, Rarity felt like she was hit in the stomach by three time world boxing champion as she hurled up blood all over her plate, leaving her in a fit of coughs.

"Rarity, what's going on?!" a concerned Twilight demanded to know.

"Oh god..." Rarity spit as she squeezed her acing stomach in pain.

This was bad.

Rarity realized she had postponed cake time for way too long and now obviously her body was rejecting the cake.

"Maybe I just gotta eat more cake..."

"No! That's the opposite of what you should do!"

Rarity's shaky hoof reached for the cake and grabbed pile of it. Without any mind for manners, Rarity stuffed the entire thing in her face, trying to hit her mouth hole.

"I-It's just my appetite..." Rarity nodded as she chomped down on the cake.

"Stop now!" A frantic call insisted. "Go to a hospital!"

"No! It's my appetite," Rarity assured.

And it had to be. She'd been starving for that cake for years and now her body was punishing her for it. It even seemed that the more cake she ate, the sicker she became.

Rarity cringed violently before hurling up more blood on the plate. She was basically a fountain at this point...

Was she going to die?

"Rarity, stop! Stop now!" Twilight called out.

Rarity wiped her muzzle and there was a lot of red goo on it...

"I think I'm bleeding or something..." Rarity said under her shortness of breath. "I'm not feeling too good right now, Tiffany..."

"Rarity?!"

She was going to die. She could feel it.

The sweet embrace of death was smoking his pipe right next to her ear and it dawned on Rarity... that maybe the cake had been poisoned.

"Uh oh..." Rarity said.

Uh oh, indeed... Because if that cake had been poisoned, like her nagging girlfriend had told her, then chances were that all the cake that filled her stomach right now probably also had poison in it.

"Uh oh..." Rarity reiterated, as her face she slowly headed towards the table and into the cake.

Rarity could feel her heart stop beating... She was dead now.

Probably.

And it was all Twilight's fault. If she'd been a better girlfriend, Rarity probably wouldn't be faced down dead in a chocolate cake. Rarity tried to frown but realized that being dead had canceled out her mobility. Twilight better be hopeful she doesn't come around and haunt her as a ghost after this.

Even if she deserved more than anything...

"Oh wait, Rarity!" Twilight called, "Since you're dead now, do you mind me having that waffle iron you been using? Cause I know it's that sold out deluxe version and I just thought... I mean, you're gonna be dead, so..."

"Anyway... I'm on my way to your house, so I'll pick it up when I get there."

Ping!