Sauna Talk

by Evershade

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Rarity
Length: 2235

Rarity and Applejack have a rather... interesting conversation while in the sauna.

Rarity and Applejack spend their time in the sauna having a rather... interesting conversation about Equestria's flawed system.

Published 2017-06-28 20:30:11 UTC
Last updated 2017-06-28 20:30:11 UTC

A Steamy Subject

The door opened as the two mares scurried their way into the sauna to not let much steam escape the room. With the door closing behind them, Rarity and Applejack took a seat on the bench. Applejack, who chose to sit on the left side of the bench, was wearing a towel wrapped around her head and one of the white bathrobes provided by the spa facility. Rarity, who sat on the right side, wore her own personal robe, which had highlights of yellow and purple and the letter "R" sewn in towards the bottom, while also wearing a towel in the same fashion as Applejack. After a few seconds of settling in, Applejack looked at Rarity to say, "Why do you always bring your own robe to this place? They have robes here, you know."

Rarity turned to Applejack with a face of disgust. "Why would you ever think that I would use one of those... disgusting robes? You don't know where ponies have been with them!"

"But they wash them after use," said Applejack in a concerning tone.

Rarity grinned. "Hm... that is what they want you to think."

Silence filled the room as Applejack stopped to ponder that statement for a few seconds. She shivered at the thought and quickly tried to forget about it. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Thanks again, Rarity. I do enjoy our time at the spa together from time to time. It sure is nice to get away from the work."

Rarity made a smile out of agreement. "I absolutely agree with you, darling! I just got done with a huge order for a company in Manehattan. This is huge for business!"

"I'm glad to hear that. The farm is doing well. We just shipped out seven crates of cider yesterday. We'll get a huge profit out of that!" Without turning her head, Applejack looked up, rather bothersome. "Well... heh... once we get all of the taxes and bills sorted out."

Rarity's eyes suddenly opened wide. "Oh, I know the feeling: having to pay for a home, food, fabrics, spools, buttons, sewin..."

Applejack interrupted. "I think I get it, Rarity."

Rarity sighed. "Oh, I apologize, Applejack. I guess all of the payments that need to be done have clouded my mind."

Applejack put her hoof around the back of Rarity's neck and said, "It's okay. I'm not a fan of taxes, either. They have been really taking a toll on the farm recently. They sure have been rising."

Rarity had a perplexed look on her face. "Good point. Why have taxes been so high recently?"

"Well somepony has to pay for the water and lighting we use indoors. The money goes towards the businesses that supply these resources for us," Applejack explained, "Rainbow Dash keeps complaining about how much the rainbow waterfall outside her house costs to keep running. Who knew rainbows were that expensive?"

"Why doesn't Rainbow just stop the waterfall from running if it is costing her so much," asked the curious unicorn.

Applejack chuckled to herself. "She said that her house wouldn't look awesome then." The two mares shared a few laughs with that statement. Applejack continued, "Pinkie Pie sure is lucky to live in the place where she works."

Rarity chimed in, "Doesn't she have to pay for the utilities too?"

Applejack shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not sure. I assumed she was just paying her rent, and the Cakes were the ones who payed for the building. She probably just pays her share of the payments that need to be made."

Rarity nodded in agreement. "Probably. I can't imagine what the bills will be this month."

"Me neither," Applejack said while sighing, "I feel sorry for Twilight and what she has to pay for the castle."

Rarity's face returned to a confused state. "What do you mean?"

The earth pony's eyes opened wide. "Well, Twilight owns the castle, and that thing is huge!"

"Well, when Twilight and I were having a conversation while having a cup of tea, she mentioned that she does not have to pay any bills or taxes for her home."

"What the hay are you talking about, Rarity," Applejack asked in an aggressive tone. Rarity continued to explain, "Twilight said that since she is a princess, she is not required to pay her bills or taxes under Equestrian rule, which in my opinion seems completely unfair."

Applejack shook her head in disbelief. "How come I've never heard about this fancy shmancy rule?" Rarity held out her hoof to point to Applejack and say, "No offense, Applejack, but you are not really a princess. Neither am I, which is why I have just heard about this rule recently."

"So this happens to all of the princesses? Twilight? Cadence? Luna? CELESTIA?" Applejack threw her hooves in the air while in shock. Rarity replied, "From my understanding, since the princesses are pretty much some of the highest monarchy in Equestria, they are allowed to exempt from making monthly payments."

Applejack tried to comprehend. "So who pays the taxes for the castle?"

"No pony does," Rarity said casually. Applejack put her hoof to her forehead while mumbling, "That doesn't make a lick of sense! If no one is paying for the castle, then Twilight is allowed to stay there and use any utility she wants for free just because she is a princess?"

The unicorn sighed. "That is what I understand. I, personally, am not fond of this rule. Twilight's castle must be worth a fortune! Consider how much the fountain on her castle's roof costs! That thing is constantly running water!"

Applejack tilted her head down in embarrassment and smiled. "I'll admit though, it is pretty nice to sit around."

Rarity put her hoof in front of her mouth to politely snicker. "Indeed."

The earth pony's face quickly formed a look of concern. "Hold on a minute. I ain't a mathematician myself, but something is not right. If none of the princesses have to pay for the utilities in their castles, then the amount of money being paid in Equestria will be less than the amount of power being used. Won't this eventually catch up and we'll be using more power than we can pay for?"

Rarity took a few seconds to think about the idea that Applejack had. She lifted her head and said, "Now that you mention it, this is a really poor situation!"

"It would probably all settle out if everyone, even the princesses, pay for their payments. Heck, they probably make tons of money anyways while being leaders of Equestria," Applejack exclaimed.

"Very true, Applejack. I mean, Twilight managed to survive before she was a princess and had a castle," the unicorn said.

"You're right. What did Twilight do for work anyways?"

The two ponies sat in silence as they awkwardly pondered the question.

Rarity was the first to make a response. "If I remember correctly, she was the town's librarian."

"Do you think she got payed for being the town's librarian? I mean, she did live there after all.... Wait a gosh darn minute!"

Rarity immediately replied, "Are you having the same thought as I?"

Applejack continued to share her sudden idea. "Why did Twilight live in the Ponyville library in the first place? Since she lived there..."

"...then she probably did not have to pay for some of the utilities. It would have been payed by local funding. She probably just paid rent to stay there. They couldn't expect her to pay for the whole library by herself, right?"

Applejack's face started turning red. The unicorn could not tell if the red was coming from the heat of the sauna or the anger from her friend, but she assumed it was a combination of both. Applejack yelled, "THEN HOW MUCH DID TWILIGHT EVEN PAY FOR ANYTHING IN PONYVILLE?" Rarity quickly put her hoof over Applejack's mouth and whispered, "Let's try and not raise our voices too much, Applejack. We wouldn't want to alarm the other spa ponies."

Applejack pulled Rarity's hoof away. "You're right. Sorry, but why or how would Twilight even share the payments then?"

Rarity replied to her question. "I'm sure that she worked something out with the mayor."

"What about now, though? She has a castle now! Shoot, she is even more important than the mayor," Applejack said as she continued her rant.

Rarity was starting to become frustrated with her friend's constant complaining. She decided that she wanted to stop this from going further. "Ok, I think we both agree that this whole system needs to be worked on. I am also thinking that Twilight probably was payed for working at the library, which she also lived in. Thus, Twilight probably paid rent and shared the bills for the library with the public funding."

Applejack took a moment to process what Rarity just claimed. "Okay... but what about now since Twi-"

Once again, Rarity put her hoof over the farm pony's mouth to continue speaking. "And... since Twilight is a princess now, she is exempt from having to pay taxes. Although, this will still cause problems with the power usage eventually catching up with the amount of money being paid." Rarity grew a small grin. "But we'll just let them deal with that when the situation occurs."

Applejack started to form a grin while pulling Rarity's hoof away from her mouth. "Heh... Hopefully they'll find a way to solve this problem soon, but still... it's hard to imagine that all of these princesses have been keeping this private. Who even came up with this rule?"

"Oh... Twilight told me it was created by Princess Celestia," Rarity replied.

Applejack put her hoof on her forehead very forcefully. "This is ridiculous. I oughta tell Twilight that this whole thing needs to be put to a halt."

"And you think that the princesses of high royalty are going to listen to an average apple farmer," Rarity said while biting her tongue to hold back laughter.

"Twilight is our friend. I'm sure she will listen to us."

Rarity's eyes widened. "Us? You are not bringing me into this proposition, are you?"

"You were the only one here, besides me, to hear this argument. I can't do this alone," Applejack said while pleading.

"Applejack, I will not allow myself to get involved in royal business."

Applejack rolled her eyes and grunted. "Ugh... fine. If you think that it's fair that we have to pay an increasing amount of bits for our homes, while the princesses get it all for free, then that's your decision."

Rarity started situating herself into a position that would make it easier for her to stand up. "I'm not saying that I do not agree with you, Applejack, but I do not want to be involved with your goal in trying to change this rule. I have my own responsibilities to deal with, first. I'm sure that you have tasks to do as well."

Applejack blushed in embarrassment. "Yeah... I still have more shipments to organize. I'm sorry for all of this."

Rarity chuckled while beginning to stand up. "It's quite alright, dear. Let's forget about this whole conversation and get something to eat before we head back to our homes." She held out her hoof to help Applejack off of the bench.

"That would be nice. Thanks, Rarity." Applejack said as she stood up.

"It is no problem. Now, let's go and eat," Rarity said as both mares started walking towards the door.

At this point, both mares were sweating as if they had just ran for a mile. However, they only had a few wrinkles from the moisture and humidity. They opened the door and walked out of the sauna. Applejack put her robe in the container where the rest of the used robes went. Before the mares exited the spa, the orange pony turned her head towards the unicorn.

"By the way, what brought up the conversation that you and Twilight had about the rule with the princesses," Applejack asked.

Rarity slightly blushed after hearing the question. "Oh... well," Rarity said as she attempted to fake a cough, "I kind of was asking her for a few bits to help pay for my bills last month."

Applejack's mouth opened in shock and realization. "Do you think that will work for me? I mean, I'm sure she'll lend her best friends a few bits."

Rarity laughed while trying to contain herself. "Only one way to find out!"

The laughter spread onto the farm pony as both mares shared the laughs they had been trying to contain throughout their time in the sauna. The two mares left the spa and started trotting towards Twilight's castle, forgetting about the food they were planning on getting beforehand.

Author's Note

There was this joke that I heard a while ago about how Twilight has been evading taxes, but no longer has to pay for them since she is a princess. So, I implemented it into a story with my thoughts and ideas as well! :3

Now we just wait for the show to talk about taxes and financing so it ruins the ideas in this story...

For all wondering, the "fountain on Twilight's castle roof" is shown at the end of Season 6 Episode 21 (Every Little Thing She Does). I really want that fountain.