The Nightmare and Me

by Namara

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Sad, Comedy
Length: 11970

When Luna was restored as the Night Princess, where did Nightmare Moon go?

When Luna was freed from the horror of Nightmare Moon, she returned to Canterlot to resume her duties. But where did Nightmare Moon go?

Cover art by moi.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-13 13:19:13 UTC

The staining of the shoe.

I jogged around a crooked stop sign, heart pumping. I breathed in quick bursts; I haven't been running this long in a while. I nervously glanced at a crumbling building. It was a bad part of town, but then again, it's Detroit. It's all a bad part of town. A cold gust of autumn wind swirled dead leaves near my feet. I heard a low sound, almost like a baby crying. I stopped dead in my tracks.

"You can have my purse, there's nothing in it. Not even a dollar." I said loudly, as if to ward off gangsters.

The crying continued, and curiousity took root. It seemed to be coming from a filthy alley between an abandoned factory and a house in shambles. I cautiously made my way across the street, but stopped at the entrance. A few rusty cans littered the alley, and now that I was closer, the sound seemed almost etheral. Looking back, that should have narrowed it down.

"I'll probably get tetanus for this." I muttered, carefully stepping around the cans.

I shivered and hugged my tracksuit closer. It was getting dark out and I did NOT want to be in this neighborhood at night. I peered into the dim alley and saw a paper Walmart bag. It shivered and whined. I walked over and ripped the bag open, expecting a puppy or something. Instead, a little black horse tumbled out. I mean little. The size of a volleyball. What horse is as big as a volleyball? Whatever. My maternal instincts kicked in when I saw the helpless little black thing. I scooped it up in my arms, nearly dropping it when I saw the miniscule horn peeking out of a starry mane. A horn? A starry mane? No, it couldn't be...

It's cat-like eyes pleaded with me, seeming so innocent. It's little wings fluttered at it's sides.

"No... impossible..." I whispered.

The filly wriggled in my arms. I put her in my purse and began the journey home.

* * *

When I got home, after and only after I deadbolt the door, I opened my purse. A very disgruntled pony stared up at me. I lifted her out of the purse  and onto the decent carpet. Her little helmet-like blue patch on her head was just so cute! It made her look like a little general. Or tyrant. A little voice nagged.

The litttle breastplate with the crescent moon on it was adorable! Like an exiled queen. The same voice said.

"It's impossible. You cannot be Nightmare Moon. Equestria doesn't exist. It's made up by Lauren Faust. Tabitha St. Germain does your voice. You..." I put my head on my knees. "Is it sad that I know this?"

The filly Nightmare Moon nodded.

"Shut up, smartass."

Nightmare Moon smirked. Then a worried look came across her face.

"What are you- OH GOD! NIGHTMARE!" I screamed when she peed on my shoe.

With a satisfied air, Nightmare Moon laid down and fell asleep.

I took my shoe off and threw it in the sink. That asshole pissed on a two hundred dollar brand new tennis shoe. My heart melted when I glared angrily at her. I took my other shoe off and got a big, fluffy pillow from the couch. I gently lifted Nightmare Moon onto the pillow. She didn't even stir. But she snored. Oh god, how she snored. Imagine turning the bass up all the way on your car, then blasting some low music. You could feel the floor vibrate from the kitchen.

I changed into my Rainbow Dash fleece pajamas. Yes, my life was sad. I laid down on the couch with my blanket and pillow from my bedroom. I just sat there and watched her sleep for a while. Eventually, I decided that it was a dream and a mobster hit me from behind and I was knocked out. I slowly drifted off to sleep.

In the morning, I was awoken by a small voice demanding food.

"I'm hungry! I want food!" Nightmare Moon nosed me.

"What the f-"

"Food!" Nightmare's belly grumbled.

"You're still here?" I sat up, causing her to tumble down to my crossed legs.

"Food!"

"Okay, I'll make food." I got up.

"I'm hungry!"

"Working on it!" I called.

Nightmare hopped down from the couch. "We want food, now!"

"We?" I asked quizzically while I gathered ingredients for muffins.

"We speak in the Royal Canterlot voice! We are hungry!" The filly shouted as best she could.

"Yeah, around here, people talk in the modern way. Blueberries?"

"We would like blueberries!"

"I would like blueberries." I corrected her as I slid the muffin sheet into the oven.

"No, we would like blueberries! You don't get blueberries!"

"No, you see-"

"We get all the blueberries!" Nightmare announced.

"I was correcting you. You say I would like blueberries. Not we. I." I said, exasperated.

"We... I would like blueberries?" she said tentatively. "...I would like blueberries. I would like blueberries. I would like blueberries!" she did a little dance around the room. "I would like blueberries! I would like blueberries!" she sang.

"You just have to wait."

"Nightmare Moon waits for no one!" she yelled fiercely.

"Easy there, killer. Quiet down and use your manners. You obviously remember your life in Equestria, so you probably remember how to say please and thank you," I reprimanded her. "Also, stop talking in third person. It's weird. And you don't get a muffin if you don't use your manners."

"We- I would like a muffin. Please?" she looking up at me with Bambi eyes.

"They'll be done in a few minutes, Nightmare." I told her, eyeing the timer.

"But w- I am hungry!" she complained.

"We'll work on contractions tomarrow." I muttered.

"What?" Nightmare asked.

"Nothing," The oven dinged. "Muffins are ready, they just have to cool down."

"Don't wanna wait! Muffins now!" Nightmare shouted.

"Just a few minutes! Patience, my young Jedi." I told her, sounding like a huge geek. "Look, they're already cooled down!"

"Muffins!" Nightmare cheered.

"Sit at the table." I said.

She clambered up the chair, grunting with the effort.

I gave her a boost and in exchange, she gave me a dirty look.

"I could have done it by myself." she scowled.

"Sure, speedy." I gave her a plate with two muffins on it.

I turned around to get my own plate of three muffins. When I turned to face her, she was demolishing her second muffin.

"More!" she commanded.

"More what?"

"More muffins," she corrected.

"More please." I said.

"Please."

I gave her two more muffins, munching on my first.

I finished my first muffin and her fourth one was in her mouth. Whole.

"Moe muffath peeth." she said around the bite.

I gave her the last three muffins.

I started my second muffin as I got my coffee ready. I was just over half done with the muffin in my hand, so I turned around to get the last muffin. Except it wasn't there. Nightmare's cheeks bulged.

"Nightmare, did you eat my muffin?" I asked calmly.

She shook her head vigorously, crumbs flying everywhere.

"Then where is it?"

She shrugged.

"You're a bad liar."

Her eyes widened. She swallowed and one large lump went missing. She jumped off the chair and scampered out of the kitchen.

"I knew it," I muttered and shook my head at the empty muffin tin.

Totally no Christian holidays here. Nope.

I pushed a pine tree up against the corner.

Nightmare curiosly watched from the hall. "What in god's name are you doing?"

"Setting up the Christmas tree," I grunted.

"What's a Christmas tree?" she cocked her head.

"It's a special tree that if decorated, one night a year, Santa Claus arrives in a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer to give good fillies and colts presents."

Her eyes grew as big as plates. "Do I get any?"

The damn tree finally balanced on the holder. "You haven't exactly been good. Remember when you rolled in the fireplace last week?"

She hung her head. Nightmare just looked so sad, slumped against the wall. Did I forget to mention she slumped? No? Okay. She slumped. And it was just too pitiful for me to stand.

"If you're really good for the next few days, I'm sure Santa Claus'll might make a stop here."

Nightmare perked up. "Really? I'll be really good. Promise! Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!"

I rolled my eyes. Suspiciously, Nightmare hadn't seemed all that surprised that there was a show about her world. She even enjoyed the show, especially Friendship is Magic Part 2. At the end she always ended up yelling at the TV and I have to give her several muffins to get her to calm down. She loves the episodes with antagonists in it. Once I caught her roaring at herself like Gilda in the bathroom mirror.

"But to get really good presents, youhave to leave cookies and milk out for Santa because he goes all around the world in one night, so he gets very hungry."

Nightmare's look turned determined. "Well then I'll be extra good so he'll come here first!" she fluttered her wings, getting about a foot off the ground. She tends to do that when she gets excited. God forbid the day she can maintain flight. I imagine her flying over Detroit, shooting laser beams from her horn. And the bronies will puke rainbows.

"Follow me." I told Nightmare and clumped down the stairs. I heaved out the tub of Christmas decor.

"We'll do the tree first. Can you try to lift this thing? It's heavy." I grabbed one end of it.

Nightmare squared her feet and lit her horn with midnight blue magic. A weak blue aura surrounded the other end and lifted it inches off the ground.

"Good job, Nightmare! You're a big filly now!" I would have clapped but her hands were doing other things. Such as carrying a big ass tub upstairs with one end thumping against the lower stairs.

When we finally heaved it up to the Christmas tree, Nightmare fell over from exhaustion. I picked her up and tucked her into bed. She was still a little filly, now about the size of a small Golden Retriever.

I made grilled cheese and just as I finished making them, Nightmare trotted into the kitchen. She trotted up to the lazy susan and pulled out some season salt and chili powder. She pulled at my pant leg and I glanced down, and seeing her with her seasonings that she likes with her grilled cheese, I picked her up and held her over the stovetop. She opened the season salt and perfectly poured just enough onto her sandwich bread. It was when she poured the chili powder that I almost burst a blood vessel. She uncapped the chili powder, not realizing that it had and open top where you pour a bunch at once. She "accidentally" seasoned her sandwich, my sandich, and the entire stove. The smell of something burning filled the air and the sprinklers went off.

One timeout and a clothes change later, I started decorating the Christmas tree. The sprinklers only went off in the kitchen, but my hair was still wet even after blowdrying it. Nightmare sat in front of the tree, gaping at it's sparkling lights.

I held an ornament, a standard red bauble, out and she took it from my hand and placed it on the Christmas tree with magic. She looked proud of herself, so I gave her another. And another. Soon, all that was left was the star.

I held it out. "This one goes on the very top, Nightmare."

She concentrated and the star was engulfed with deep blue magic and sent to the top of the tree. It sat at the top slightly crooked. Nightmare fixed it. Now it leaned too far the other way.

"I'll just go up and fix it myself." Nightmare said while spreading her wings.

"Here, how about I lift you up and then you fix it," I said quickly.

"That does sound better than my plan," she admitted.

I lifted her up and she righted the rebellious star.

"Now  it's done," Nightmare announced. She wobbled on my shoulder. "Whoa!" she grabbed onto the Christmas tree and lost her balance. The fake pine tree came crashing into me and knocked me to the ground. None of the ornaments shattered because they're plastic.

"Nightmare! Are you okay?" I worried.

"That was awesome!" her head poked out of the tree.

"You know what you need to do now?" I asked her.

"What?"

"Write a letter to Santa telling him what you want for Christmas." I replied.

"Okay! I'll need about ten papers."

I crawled out from beneath the tree and gave her one lined sheet and a pencil.

"Letter time! Ana, take a note." she paced.

"Oh no, missy. You're writing it. I'm not your personal Spike," I picked her up and plopped her at the dinner table. "Start writing."

An hour later, she came up to me with the paper in tow.

I grabbed it and put it in an envelope. "I'll send it to the North Pole tomarrow, it's too dark now."

"North Pole,"

"It's where he lives."

"Gotcha,"

"Now skedaddle to bed. I have to work tomorrow morning."

She skedaddled.

I took the letter out of the envelope and read it. She wants a Gilda and of course, Nightmare Moon plushies as well as a Discord action figure, a Trixie cape and hat, an Iron Will candy bar, a Chrysalis action figure, and a Nightmare Moon blanket.

That wasn't too much, at least she doesn't want a Xbox or something.

The next morning, when I was on break, I stopped by the Toys R Us. I wandered the aisles a little bit, it was one of those hugemungus stores. I finally found the pony aisle. I took a Nightmare Moon blanket off the shelf, a Gilda stuffed animal, and the action figures. I couldn't find an Iron Will candy bar, so I just bought a Hershey and glued an Iron Will picture on it. I decided to get a cheapy Celestia doll so she can have fun throwing it around or whatever. I paid for the stuff and went back to work.

A few days later on Christmas Eve, we made cookies. Nightmare snuck a few and I pretended not to notice. We hung her stocking over the fireplace that I don't use for obvious reasons (ahem Nightmare ahem).

I tuck her in and say goodnight. She snuggled into bed and I gently shut the door. She can open them on her own now. I snuck back into my room and get her presents. I hide them under the tree and put the Hershey bar and Celestia toy in her stocking. I eat the cookies anddrink the milk, playing Santa. Then I tiptoed back into bed and go to sleep...

"Wake up! Wake up!" I was trampled by an overexcited filly.

"I'm awake," I grumble.

She takes a flying leap off my bed and sprints down the hall. I can still hear her squeals of joy. When I finally got up, I saw the living room changed from a room where we sit to a madhouse.

"Whoa, let's open your stocking first." I stopped Nightmare.

I took the stocking down and the wild grin of delight when she saw the candy bar just...

I pointed out the Celestia doll. "There's a Celestia that you can throw around or whatever."

She shredded the presents. I thought she might explode from the excitement. But then her grin faded.

"Where are  your presents?" she asked.

"Santa doesn't give presents to grown-ups." I replied.

"Here's your present. I made it myself," Nightmare hugged me.

At first I was shocked, but then I hugged her back.

"I love it," I whispered.

Vile blood-sucking parasites!

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Nightmare's daily shenanigans became a part of life; my little Nightmare was growing up.

It was in May when I took her outside for the first time. She wasn't fat, but after an incident involving glitter, glue, and my entire wardrobe, I decided that she needed to use her energy in a less destructive manner.

"Okay, Nightmare. You wanna do something weird?" I asked the cornered filly.

"Maybe. What is it?" she asked suspiciously, her eyes darted for escape.

"Going outside. If you go out there and stay in the yard, I won't punish you for glitterbombing my clothes." I gestured to her sparkly purple hooves.

"Oh, I didn't do that. It was Celestia!" she pointed a glimmering hoof to her partner in crime.

I originally bought the Celestia stuffed animal so she could you know, rip it to shreds. But it became her best friend while the Nightmare Moon and Gilda plushies sat on her bed, barely played with.

She consulted Celestia before answering. "Yeah, we'll go 'outside' or whatever you called it."

"Perfect. But were cleaning you up first." I proceeded to give Nightmare a bubblebath and put Celestia in the wash. Nightmare was still a little apprehensive of bubbles, even though she seemed as emotionally mature as a twelve year old by now.

Nightmare had a scowl on her face when I took Celestia out of the dryer. She swiped her dear friend from my hand.

"Now where is this 'outside' you speak of." she said.

"Over here," I opened the back door. "Now, you might get a little freaked ut at first, but it's usually pretty safe out here." I waved my hand at the proud ten acres I own.

"What is this?" Nightmare inhaled the cool spring air.

"That's fresh air. Go out farther, I'll be here in case you get scared." I held the door open.

"You think I'm scared? I AM the scare. I am Nightmare Moon!" she stuck her chest out. "But... could you keep the door open?" she finished quietly.

"It's okay, sweetie. I'll keep it open for a while." I patted her on the starry mane.

She tentatively took a step out onto the still-wet grass. She jerked her hoof back. "What is that stuff?" she wrinkled up her nose.

"It's grass. The dew just hasn't evaporated yet."

"Oh, ok." Slightly braver, Nightmare once again stepped onto the damp grass. She withdrew immediately by instinct, but firmly put it back down. She took another step. Slowly but surely, she daintily made her way across the yard to the pear tree about fifteen feet from the door.

"I did it!" she hopped, then glared at something on her shoulder. She reared and waved her hooves in front of her. "You dare poke Nightmare Moon? Take this, foul beast!" Nightmare flew around the yard shooting blue laser beams at mosquitos. The lasers killed the grass, so I had to wipe the tears from my eyes and attempt to keep a straight face.

"Nightmare they're mosquitos. They- BWAHAHAHA!" I broke down again when I saw the look on her face.

"What's so funny? Huh? Tell me!" she shot a laser at the offending parasite.

"Mosquitos suck blood. They bite you and the bite gets really itchy." I nearly had to shove a fist in my mouth.

"It's not funny," she pouted. She jumped to the side. "Vile creature! I shall besmirch you!"

I fell to my knees. I chortled at the sight of a three foot black alicorn running around my backyard shooting lasers at miniscule bugs.

I crawled to the kitchen and got bug spray. I got back on my feet again and walked over to the door.

"Nightmare!" I called to the angry filly.

She walked up to me. "What."

I sprayed her.

She jumped "Jesus! What is that?" She picked up on my language.

"Bug spray. Keeps the 'vile creatures' away." I sprayed her again and she relaxed.

"Well, if it keeps mosquitos away..."

"Go play. Fly. Just stay where you can see the house." I walked back inside and shut the door. She can open it.

A few minutes later she came running in sniffing back tears.

"What happened?" I said all concerned.

She sniffed. "Well I-I was fly-ying an-and I lo-o-ost c-control and I hurt myself!" she wailed and showed me her skinned foreleg.

"Oh, well it does look like it hurts."

She nodded.

"But to make it heal right, I have to make it hurt a lot for a second, okay?"

"I-It'll make it fix faster, right?" Nightmare sniffled.

"Yep. I'll go get the peroxide." I got up.

"Wait, what's peroxide? It sounds bad and scary," she called after me.

I searched the master bathroom for Neosporin, peroxide, some cottonballs, and a bandage. I've got everything but a bandage. A clear box catches my eye.

"First Aid. Should have a Band Aid in it or something." I muttered. "Ah, here we go." I truimphantly held up a large Band Aid.

I returned to the distraught Nightmare. "I have the peroxide. It cleans up the cut." I poured some of the clear liquid onto a cottonball and twist the cap back on. "You need to hold still, okay?"

"Okay." she help her foreleg out.

I touched her leg. It was tense. "It's gonna hurt a lot," I warned.

She shut her eyes. "Just do it."

I dabbed the hydrogen peroxide on her leg and her eyes opened and turned white. Like glowing white. Twilight's eyes in whenever they use the Elements.

"UNHAND ME, MORTAL!" she screamed in the Royal Canterlot Voice.

I dropped her leg like in was a hot coal and scooched away.

"THOU HATH TREATED US WITH DISRESPECT, AS IF WE WERE A FOAL! NO MORE SHALL WE SUCCUMB TO THY FOOLISH ORDERS!" she spread her wings, which were quite big by now. She pinned my foot to the couch and leveled her horn to my heart.

Fear and adrenaline were speeding through my veins. "Nightmare!" I managed to croak.

"THOU SPEAKEST OF THY NAME? FOOL! THOU SHALL DIE A PAINFUL DEATH!" her horn lit with dark magic and I didn't doubt her.

"Stop or NO MUFFINS!" I yelled.

That seemed to snap her out of it. "A-Ana? What happened?" she said in a small voice. She took her hooves off my feet.

I was frozen in place. "You... turned into the Nightmare Moon from ancient. I think." I said weakly.

She shook her head. "I'm sorry if I scared you. It's just... that's what it felt like going to the moon. Cold. Painful." she winced.

I put a hand on her shoulder, between her sparkly breastplate and her wing. "I'm sorry. I'll just put the Band Aid on."

I squirted Neosporin on the bandage and put it on Nightmare's injured leg.

She closed her eyes in bliss. "Mmm. That feels good."

"How about we bake muffins. Together this time."

She jumped off the couch. "Yay!"

Happy birthday.

Nightmare was about as big as a Newfoundland, and obsessed with scary movies. Probably because she's incapable of having nightmares.

She yawned when I told her about Slenderman. She laughed at all of the Saw movies. Jaws interested her and I'm glad, since it's Shark Week. She loves sharks now, and  since her birthday is coming up, I think I'll get her a barge fishtank and a couple of those hand sized sharks you get at Meijer. And maybe a book on taking care of them.

"Ana! Where's the peanut butter!" Nightmare yelled from the kitchen.

"Why should I tell you?" I yelled back.

"'Cus I'm makin' SAMMICHES!" she screamed.

Yes. I spoil my little freak of nature.

"In a second, I'm BUSY!" I screamed back.

I shuffled the pictures I took of her when she was a filly back into the manilla folder. I grumbled as I stalked  down the hallway.

"The peanut butter is where it usually is." I snapped without looking at her.

"Thanks," I sat down on the couch and pulled out my laptop from underneath the couch. Strangely, Nightmare hadn't discovered it.

I printed a picture of Howard Stern for Nightmare.

"Nightmare!" I called. "I have something for you!"

I walked int the kitchen holding the cheap printer paper. I stopped dead in the doorway. In front of me was Nightmare, the peanut butter jar rolling, empty, on the floor beneath her. Nightmare's cheeks bulged and tried to open her mouth. In her mouth was a horrific mixture of the jar of peanut butter and a jar of jelly I have yet to find.

"Sweet Celestia! Spit it out, Nightmare. If you can't spit it, you're a freaking alicorn. Use voodoo or something!" I yelled.

"Umph cud gah faht! Theliti id i!"

"Spit it out. Now." my voice was calm and deadly serious.

She took note of my tone and spat most of it in the garbage.

"I said that we're out of bread, but I still wanted PBJ, so I just kinda..." she shrugged. Her catlike eyes honed in on the paper in my hand. "What's that?"

I showed it to her. "Ready for target practice?"

~~~~~~\o/~~~~~/~~~~~

Two weeks later, it was the day. I Googled how to take care of a small smark and was The Almighty Smart Person. Turns out they didn't have sharks at Meijer, so I went to an exotic pet store. There were some sharks; I got five. But while I was there, I decided to take a look around. I saw chameleons, gerbils, rare dog breeds ($1,850?), and... foxes?

In a display case near the back of the store, I saw a mother fox nursing several kits. I crouched down to get a better look. She was black and silver, except her ears had a little ging in them, and her feet were a rusty hue. Of all the fox kits, only one looked like her. It was a tiny male struggling to get a place at the Mom Buffet.

I stood up and strode to the front counter.

"I want the fox runt." I announced to the fat guy with a scrawny goatee at the counter.

"They're not weaned until six weeks. Wait Three and come back." he droned, tapping away at his computer keys.

"The one I want isn't getting any milk. It would benefit all of us if you just sold him to me." I felt my childhood disagreeance slowly seeping back.

"Look, lady, I can't do that. It's against store policy." he adjusted his glasses.

"I have a... proposal for you. You sell me the fox, I'll hook you up with my sister's phone number." I offered, noticing the  loneliness in his eyes. I almost felt bad for him. Not quite, though.

"If she is hot, I can discount the price. May I see her picture?" he licked his lips in a creepy way.

I unlocked my iPhone and scrolled through the pictures.

"Aha!" I stopped at a picture of boobs. Courtesy of my ex-boyfriend. "Is this good enough?"

His eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. "I-I'll rings you up." Pervert.

I smiled much like Nightmare when he left. I wrote down the rejection hotline on a scrap of paper.

I know what destruction a fox can do, I did an essay in college about them once.

I strolled to the collar and leash section and picked out a dark leather collar and a chain leash. You need to have tough materials when dealing with sharp, white carnivore teeth. I also got a tennis ball six-pack. Last on my list was a litterbox and the granules.

I returned to the desk with the supplies. He had a cardboard box that shivered on the desk.

That will be... one hundred and eighty dollars."

I pushed the paper toward him. "Thank you," I said sweetly.

And then I got the hell out.

~~~~~~~\o/~~~/~~~~~~~

I had one more stop before home. Last week I put in a request for a special cake at the Cakery. Here's a hint: it has to do with sharks and red velvet cake. I picked it up and paid the lady.

When I got home, Nightmare was outside playing in the woods. Perfect. I brought the huge tank into her room and filled it up within ten minutes. Then I poured the sand in and put the decor and sharks in. C'est magnifique.

I got the cake out of the car and stuck a scuba tank-shaped candle in the shark on the cake's mouth. I ran out and got the sweetie peetie fox kit.

I shall name him Todd and he shall be mine. I thought as I put him on an old towel in my room.

I poked my head out the back door and screamed for Nightmare.

A couple minutes later, a bedraggled Nightmare Moon crawled out of a thicket, covered in burrs. She jumped and pointed her horn at a bush and disintigrated it.

"Coming!" she called.

She gasped when she saw the cake. "Jaws!" she rushed up to it with a happy gleam in her eyes.

I opened the junk drawer and groped for the camera. I tried to keep a smug look off my face as I pulled it out and took a picture.

I pulled a lighter out (I don't smoke, but lighters can come in handy) and lit the candle.

"Happy Birthday to you; happy birthday to you; happy birthday dear Nightmare; happy birthday to you," I sang. "Blow out the candle."

She inhaled deeply and blew hard. Some icing departed with the cake.

Looking at the cake, I mentally swore. I pulled out my iPhone and downloaded the Jaws theme. I put it back in my pocket before the birthday filly noticed.

And then we ate cake. Nightmare squealed in delight when she saw that the inside of the shark was red cake.

"Ana, that was awesome! You are an honorary Shadowbolt now." she announced after she was done eating cake.

"That's not all, look in your room."

Nightmare scampered toward her room. Once again, I unlocked my iPhone and I turned on the Jaws theme.

Nightmare was opening her door when I caught up. She ran into her room and screamed.

"NO WAY! THAT'S SO INCREDIBLY COOL! WICKED!" she ran in circles, still screaming.

I smiled and took a video with my phone.

She hugged me and pressed her face against the tank, careful so that her horn didn't cut the glass. "So I'll name you Jaws, you're Bruce, you're name is..."

I can has Internet?

The day after Nightmare's birthday was sunny and bright. It smelled god awful. Then I realized that Todd isn't litterbox trained.

I facepalmed and scooped Todd off my bed. I carried him into the kitchen, hesitant to leave him alone. One thing I didn't count on is Nightmare making breakfast.

"Wh-what are you doing in here?" I asked, alarmed.

"Cooking. I was hungry," she gave me an odd look. "Hey, what's that behind your back?"

"Breakfast." I blurted the first thing that came to mind.

"It doesn't smell like bacon," she smirked and lit her horn, bringing Todd to her full attention.

"Yes. That is a new form of bacon. It's ah, UNCOOKED! Yeah, it's uncooked European bacon." I blinked at my own stupid response.

"No friggin' way. I've seen The Fox and the Hound." Nightmare shook her head in disbelief.

"Yeah, Europeans eat fox bacon."

"Well then Europeans are weird. I just want to snuggle and wuggle and cuddle and-" Nightmare rubbed her cheek against Todd's face.

The poor little baby mewled with hunger.

"Hey Nightmare, go Google what baby foxes eat." I said absentmindedly.

"What's Google? Laptop?" she said in confusion.

I literally facepalmed. I hadn't told her about the awesome power of the internet yet.

"A laptop is the black rectangle underneath the couch. Use your magic to flip the top half up and poke the power button with your horn." I instructed, for I am an internet wizard.

"Got it," Nightmare teleported herself into the living room.

"You know you can just walk!" I informed the smug black cheeseball that calls itself an alicorn.

"Yeah, I know. but that's boooo-ring." she drawled.

I heard something hum and then with a loud crunch and an electric-y sounding noise.

A moment later, nightmare called out from the living room. "I opened it up, except there's no power button and it's smoking."

Cursing under my breath, I dared to step outside the kitchen.

I saw Nightmare sitting on the couch with the computer on her lap. Except it was snapped cleanly in two and it was on fire.

"Dammit, Nightmare!" I exclaimed.

She turned her innocent blue eyes over to me. "I opened it."

"Pet foxes usually eat like, dog food and crap. But I would think that baby foxes eat milk, like baby milk." Nightmare read from the living room.

I bought a new laptop, a new one, and taught Nightmare how to use it. The old one was a piece of shi- crap anyway.

"I'm gonna do an internet!" Nightmare grinned and hit the enter button.

In a split second, I glanced at the search bar.

"Oh dear god, no!" I lunged for the laptop.

I was not fast enough.

"Hehe...hehehe....HARHARHAR!" Nightmare snorted.

I stood up. "How is Slenderman funny?" I asked her, disgusted.

She gave me one of her odd looks. "Slenderman? I searched for 'slender manes'. I want a haircut," she felt her starry mane. "It looks like it's getting a little long... and I want one that doesn't make me look like Snooki."

How she knew of Snooki I did not know.

"Um, okay. We'll get you a haircut soon. Todd was expensive." I glanced at the sleeping fox in the corner. The bowl of milk I gave him was half empty.

"How's Bacon doing?" she asked without taking her eyes from the screen.

"Sleeping."

"ERMAHGERD."

"What?"

"Look what I found."

I examined the screen. "I happen to like mashed potatoes."

"So do I."

I went back to what I was doing.

Cleaning fox crap up.

It smells lovely, if anyone wants to know.

"Hey Ana!"

"WhhhhhAAAAAAAAT?" I whined loudly.

"I'm famous! I Googled myself and awesomeness appeared. I'm truly the sexiest pony."

I couldn't see her face, but by her tone I could tell she was smug.

"Where'd you learn that word?"

"I can hear you talking to yourself at night."

Point taken.

"Er mah gerd, there's a music video for sexy?" she gasped.

"When I walk on by, girls be lookin' like damn he fly." I recited.

The music started playing.

I paused for a moment; I didn't know the other part of the lyrics. It came to my favorite part soon after.

"When I walk on the spot, yeah, this is what I see, okay. Everybody stops starin' at me. I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it- I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!" I proceeded to break out into a geeky dance on the white linoleum floor.

When the song ended, we jammed to The Living Tombstone and Wooden Toaster. Nightmare particularly liked 'Rainbow Factory'.

Hours later, it was ten at night. Nightmare was still Googling random crap such as hipsters and Dolan.

"Alright, kiddo, time for bed." I clapped my hands, snapping her out of the Internet-induced coma.

"Wha?" she blinked.

"Bed."

"But I'm not tired!" she whined.

"Go outside and fly-slash-run around the house once. Then come in." I instructed my pony.

She reluctantly closed the laptop and slid it under the couch. Nightmare plodded out the backdoor and spread her black wings.

Instead of flying around the house, she went straight up towards the moon.

The moon was bright tonight, the air was surprisingly humid for late September. Wind tossed dead leaves from the trees in the light of the moon.

With her hooves stretched straight in front of her, I realized what she was trying to do.

It was kinda strange that in the past year she's lived with me, I have not noticed once that her flank was a flawless coal black.

The blue armor glinted, throwing off sparkles into the velvety sky.

She paused, lighting her horn with deep blue magic. A tendril of the same hue wove it's way toward the moon.

I stood, watching, for the whole ordeal.

The tendril reached the moon and changed color drastically. The moon turned blood red in seconds, highlighting the craters.

In a flash of light, Nightmare glided down from her altitude. She snapped her wings shut and trotted forward to control her momentum.

She slightly turned her head to check her flank. I don't really know how to describe it other than it looked like the Cutie Mark from the show.

I picked her up, grunting. She was about a hundred pounds (that's about seven stones, mind you).

"That's awesome Nightmare. I'm taking you to bed now." I whispered to her as she slowly closed her eyes.

"Night, Ana."

"Night, Nightmare." I kissed her forehead lovingly.

Turkoitis' Ambush.

Thanksgiving. The dreaded day that women are allowed to pig out as much as possible.

I naturally loved it.

"Nightmare, you can rakebetter than that. You are a magical technicolor pony, I'm a bland little human. Make a bigger leaf pile." I instructed her.

"But it's haaaaaaard," she Whined like Rarity in A dog and  pony show.

"Not as hard as getting rid of your Facebook profile picture," I retorted. "Rake."

She snorted and got to work with the plastic red rake.

"Todd, heel," I commanded the handsome now-red fox near the back door. He bounded over and made his signature monkey-cat sound. "Yeah, I love you too."

"Ana! Where you going!" Nightmare didn't say it like a question.

"I'm walking Todd. Go feed Bruce and Jaws when you're done." I told her over my shoulder. Bruce and Jaws had eaten the other shark.

"Okay," she sulked and levitated all leaves in the backyard into one huge pile, casting the rake aside.

I glanced backward at the massive leaf pile, a childish urge rising in me. I bite my lip and walk on.

If you believed that last sentence, you don't know me at all.

I turned and made a mad dash toward the pile of reds, oranges, and yellows, with Todd hot on my heels.

A wild cheer ripped itself free from my chest as I sailed into the pile, past Nightmare's dumbfounded expression.

"Why did you do that?" she asked angrily as I crawled out of the leaf pile, maple leaves in my blonde hair.

"It's fun, see?" I picked her up and tossed her into the leaves.

She flailed in the air and a panicked expression flashed across her features. She screamed when she hit the pile and Todd monkey-cat barked.

"Wooooo!" I yelled before jumping in again in an incredibly mature fashion.

Nightmare gasped as her head broke the surface of the leaves. "Help me, I'm DYING!!!!"

She was nearly as tall as me in all my 5'7 glory now, so it was pretty funny.

She scowled at me as I was doubled over in peals of laughter.

"It's not funny! I could have drowned," she snapped.

"Oh Nightmare, you so crazy." I sighed.

"Uh, Ana, you so crazy?" she shook leaves out of her mane. Todd monkey-cat barked again.

"Guess what?" I asked her excitedly.

"What?"

"Thanksgiving's in a few days!" I twirled.

"Thanksgiving."

"Feast." I said. I paused. "That is a weird word, isn't it? Say it; feast. Feeeaaaast. Feast. Fea-"

"I get it. What do we eat?"

"Turkey, stuffing, sweet potato sweets, weird cranberry stuff, green bean stuff, and biscuits. Lots and lots of biscuits." I dreamily smiled at the memory of fattening foods.

"Ooh, sounds good," Nightmare licked her lips.

Another thing I found unnerving was that she eats meat.

"It takes forever to cook, but it's allllll worth it in the end, with the napping, and the football watching, and the forced puking-" I stopped myself. "Forget that last part."

"What part?"

"Good."

The next few days were a whirl of shopping, cooking, and singing along to The Living Tombstone's Good ol' days.

I had been getting headaches on a regular basis, and I had trouble remembering how to cook a turkey, even though I've done it a million times before.

But nonetheless I cooked the bird and my eyebrows safely (kinda).

Nightmare was in the middle of complaining about how Modern Family needs her to become perfect when-

"It is," I announced grandly. "Finito!"

I placed a brown-black turkey on the table and Nightmare stared at it apprehensively.

"Ana," she said quietly. "Move away from the turkey. Now."

"Why?"

"Do it."

I walked away from the turkey and watched in comedic horror as Nightmare Moon confronted a blackened bird.

"So we meet again, old foe. You think your chicken minions can bast this house? No, I'll stop you this time!" she fired a laser beam at the turkey, my turkey.

"What the-" I began as it got up and ran around the dining room.

"Die, fiend!" she shot more lasers at it, some richocheting around the room.

I yelped as one took what was left of my eyebrows off.

Todd snarled and chomped down on the turkey's leg. It flopped on the floor, lifeless once more.

"Did-did anybody else see that?" I asked, wide-eyed.

Nightmare chuckled, slightly unhinged from the ordeal. "I may have cast a come-to-life spell on Turkoitis instead of a burn-in-he-"

"I get the idea, Nightmare. Let's just eat the potatoes and cranberry stuff."

I leaned back in my chair, feeling bloated. "Ugh,"

Nightmare burped across the table, sending midninght blue sparks spiraling through the air.

My life is perfectly normal, isn't it?

I got up to use the little girl's room and had to grip the table to keep steady.

"Whoa there," I chuckled.

"Anything wrong?" Nightmare asked.

"No," I replied.

Todd whined from underneath the table.

"Are you full, buddy?" I asked him.

My vision blurred for a moment, but returned to normal.

What was going on?

My legs slipped from under me and all my limbs shook with uncontrollable fits.

"Ana!" Nightmare screamed and everything went black.

Commence high-risk ninja escape.

"What in God's name do you mean by that?!"

"What I'm saying is she's only got about six months."

I opened my eyes to the harsh light and scents I knew to be a hospital. A tall, pale woman with blue-black hair glared at the doctor with a wrath-of-the-gods expression.

That voice...

"I am deeply sorry, Ms. Smithbrownjohnson, but it appears you have cancerous brain tumor. You only have-"

"Six months, yeah, I got that." I finished for him, more on the Discorded-Fluttershy end of the Niceness Scale.

I surprised myself by not being all that affected by this news. "Can you do anything 'bout it?" I asked, slightly less, um, female dog-ish.

He shook his head. "No,"

"Then I would like a moment alone with my, uh, roommate." I said coolly, only stumbling over that last word. I seriously had no clue what her story was.

A swarm of doctors ran past in the hall, scrabbling around a wheelie bed. A nurse scream a couple random numbers and my doctor didn't even look back.

"So, Miss Smithbrownjohnson." the woman smirked.

"Shut up, Nightmare."

She closed the door and returned to her true form in a swirl of mane. Her face looked hurt. "It was that obvious?"

"Yes, Tabitha."

"Could have been a little more discreet, couldn't I?"

"No, discreet is your middle name." I said sarcastically.

"Really?"

"No."

"So can you get rid of it?"

Nightmare's reptilian eyes swept over to my head. Which, thankfully, still had straw-colored hair.

Her horn lit and her eyes went blank.

I waited patiently, unmoving, until the life returned to her eyes.

"I can hold it off a little, but it's too far along for me to get rid of it."

I slumped back in my own wheelie bed. I pressed the nurse button. "Change back,"

And that she did.

The door opened and a portly woman with graying hair came in.

"Can I just, y'know, go because the doctor said he couldn't do anything."

She chuckled nervously. I got the feeling that was her normal laugh. "No,"

"Why not? Tabitha, my roommate, doesn't know how to take care of my fox."

"'Sup." Nightmare said, leaning against the wall.

"Nuffin' dude." the nurse said, and then flushed.

The nurse looked away from both of us, hot with embarrassment.

"Now,"

Nightmare shifted into herself and lit her horn.

The nurse straightened up, eyes glowing blue. "Of course you can go, Ms. Smithbrownjohnson."

"Thank you," I smiled gratefully and nodded for Nightmare to release her. She did and once again went to human form.

I got up, seeing as there were no IVs or anything, weirdly. Nightmare and I strolled out of the room, leaving the befuddled nurse perplexed at her own actions.

Walking down the main hall, I paused at the tributary corridor that led off. A sign posted near it said Children's Oncology in bland lettering.

Nightmare walked on ahead of me, stopping and whirling around once she realized I had stopped. "What is it now?" she asked coldly.

I cocked my head. "Shush,"

"What?"

"SHUSH!"

"Okay," Nightmare muttered, impatiently shifting her weight (not much, the lucky butt) from one foot to the other.

I could faintly discern familiar words from down the Children's Oncology.

"Oh, my beloved subjects. It's been so long since I've seen your precious little sun-loving faces."

It was The Mare in the Moon part 1.

And the kid was laughing.

"This way," I ordered and walked with purpose toward the chortler. If that's even a word. Chortler.

"Why?"

"Some kid laughing at the scared ponies in episode one. You might like her." I strode briskly.

"Do you not recall the legends? Did you not see the signs?"

"Hurry!"

Nightmare could hear it now. I can imagine her velvety black ears pricked forward. She started jogging.

"Remember this day, little ponies, for it was your last. From this moment forth, the night will last forever!"

I skidded to a sudden halt outside the kid's room. The Nightmare on the TV cackled, as did the kid.

It was a boy with big, brown eyes. Those, I'm a sucker for.

Nightmare bumped into me, both of us crashing to the floor.

The kid's eyes registered us. The Nightmare scrambling to get off of me. Me, wheezing beneath, complaining in a highly unladylike fashion.

And then he said something I will never forget.

"I like you, Nightmare Moon."

Nightmare straightened up. "Who?" she asked innocently.

"You. I can see you," he sneered. That, Nightmare liked.

"Ah, a Disciple of the Night!" she exclaimed. She snapped and the security camera behind us clattered to the colorful tile below.

"A what now?" he asked, then in wide-eyed fascination, watched Nightmare go back to herself.

Jesus Christ, how much is she going to do that? I wondered.

"If I could, I would throw myself to  the ground and chant 'I am not worthy'. But seeing as I'm a bit tied up at the moment..." the kid said bitterly, motioning toward the many wires and tubes around him.

Nightmare chuckled. "They," she pointed toward the TV with one sparkly, horseshoe-clad hoof. "Should have done that."

The kid nodded in agreement. "Yeah."

As if for the first time, she took in his hairless head and frail body. "So,"

"So," he echoed.

"I uh, have to pee. Nightmare, you stay here." I wanted to escape the awkward situation.

I scampered down the hall, searching for the telltale door with a rather overweight woman in a dress on it. I really did have to pee.

Once done washing my hands like a sensible person, I wiped them on the jeans that I "borrowed" from Nightmare's human.

It pushed the door open and returned to the weird kid's room. The two were chatting it up a storm, apparently jeering at the Mane Six's troubles on the way to the Castle of the Ancient Pony Sisters.

Wow, that's a mouthful.

Nightmare's head swiveled in my direction. "Hey,"

I nodded. "Hey,"

"Hey," the kid said.

Nightmare twitched. Her pupils shrunk to pinpricks. "We have to go. Security's coming." she transformed back to human form, new pants (and a shirt) reappearing instantly.

"Nice meeting you,..." I trailed off. I didn't catch his name.

"Henry. Henry Jones."

I paused, even as the clicking of security's footsteps grew closer. "Sounds familiar."

A trace of a smile was on his face. "Lots of people say that."

"Ana!" Nightmare said both impatiently and loudly.

"Alright. We'll be back, 'kay?" I took off toward Nightmare in clothes that aren't mine.

We burst into the lobby, earning us some strange looks from family members waiting.

"It was just... my roommate and I..." I was at a loss for words to tell the nurse, this one slender as a sapling. Probably just out of college.

"We were visiting her boyfriend. He has a bad case of the flu." Nightmare explained fluidly.

Luckily for us, she nodded and allowed us out.

I sprinted around the corner, stopping in a blind spot for the cameras.

It was twilight, the sun starting to set and stars were just appearing.

"How the hell did I even get here?" I grumbled to Nightmare.

"I called 911, like you taught me. And then I just traveled via mane to get here."

"Uh huh. Can that work carrying me? Seeing as my freaking car isn't even here." I gestured to the parking lot in front of us that- surprise, surprise- didn't have my car parked in it.

"I can hold stuff in my mane when I go,"

"That answers my question." I stood still as her mane enveloped me.

It was a strange sensation, that's for sure. It was like pins and needles all over my body, except it really really itches and tickled. It was all I could do to not double over in laughter, scratching every square inch of my body. But I held still.

It was wicked cool, flying over the many highways, crumbling apartment buildings, and fields and noone can see me.

I felt like a ninja.

My house came into sight. "How long were you gone?" I asked.

"Two days. I stayed up all night at the hospi-" Nightmare said proudly.

"Two days. Todd must be hungry and you left every light in the house on," I hissed angrily.

"Oops,"

"Shut up,"

she dropped me the last yard or so; I stumbled a bit upon landing so roughly. I opened the door, unsurprised to find it unlocked. Todd monkey-cat barked happily and danced by his food bowl. I fed him while Nightmare put some water in his bowl, which he greedily drank.

"I-I think I'll go rest for the night." I breathed, suddenly overwhelmed.

"Sure," Nightmare filled up Todd's bowl again.

I stumbled down the hall, locking myself in my room. I collapsed on my bed and sobbed. It had just struck me that I really have cancer, and I really was going to die.

Friendship.

"Let's do this!" Nightmare flexed her forelegs and stood upright, sturdying herself by flapping her wings. "YEAH!"

She looked like the pony I call Protein Shake. "We still have like, twenty minutes 'til it starts. How about we have a round two?" I elbowed her in the tensed ribs. She dropped down to all fours and gave me a hurt expression.

"Ow. That huuuuuuuuuuuuuuurt," she whined, rubbing the spot just below where her armor was. I honestly don't know how or why, but that adorable lil' patch of blue fur developed into hard battle armor. As did the elaborate horseshoes and the helm. I don't know what made it that way and I don't want to. Probably space goo or something. Space cow.

"Nightmare. You're a goddess from the nether, been banished twice, blasted with the Elements of Harmony twice, possessed the moon Princess, shapeshifted, done battle against a tyrannical lord of turkey, dated King Sombra, survived in a Walmart bag for god knows how long and being poked in the ribs is a weakness?"

She shrugged. "It's touchy there. And are we gonna do the thing?"

"You know I hate the thing," I accused.

"Come on, I love the feeling I get!" She bounced giddily. "I can do it in fifteen minutes."

"Can not."

"Can too!"

"Can not."

"Can too!"

This exchange carried on for a couple minutes. Eventually, I gave in to her Pout. Sweet merciful deity-whose-existence-I-doubt, she looks like a filly again during the Pout. It works much like the Stare, really.

I let loose a deep breath of air I'd been holding in. "I'm going to stop it two minutes before, no more. Got it, Moonybutt?"

" Yeah, sure. I set it up for me," she commanded. I was really starting to get a spoiled-brat vibe from her.

I'll just file that away into 'tomorrow', the mystical land where ninety percent of all human achievement is stored.

I took the laptop and searched the hard drive quickly- yielding a plethora of files that include 'slen' in the title. I scrolled down until the correct folder caught my eye. I clicked and opened the game.

A little thing concerning quality that absolutely nobody cares about popped up and I hit the enter key. The screen went black for a moment, then some creepy squiggleys started to show up and I turned away. "Happy?"

"Very much so, yes," she replied, not taking her eyes from the screen. Her pupils slowly grew larger in excitement as the main menu appeared.

"Slender Man's gonna like, molest you or something."

"Shut up, Ana."

"Don't sass me."

"Make me a sammich."

"No. Make your own sandwich or go crying to Oprah." I walked into the kitchen and took out some strawberries. Mmmmm. Strawberries. Strawberries are nice and red. they're really good when you dip 'em in sugar and they're all fat 'n stuff. Stra- wow. I really, really like strawberries, don't I?

"But Oprah's annoying!"

"Good. A kindred soul."

"Aaaaaaaaaaanaaaaaaaaaa," she whined.

"Play your creepy game before it starts, Nightmare."

The stupid music turned up and Nightmare's person started crunching loudly through the woods. Within a couple minutes, she found a page. Then another, and another.

"You went to the bathroom first, right? That's the best place to go first 'cuz if you have a bunch of the pages, he'll get you easier." I called from the kitchen as I piled strawberries onto a paper plate. At least it wasn't succulent deep-fried Oreos I was thinking about. Sweet, delicious- DAMMIT! It's almost bikini season and here I am, craving some deep-fried Oreos.

Her silence was all the answer I needed. "C'mon, Nightmare, you're acting like a noob. Go to the-"

"HE'S COMING TO GET MEEEEEEEEEE~!" she screamed.

I shivered. "I told you not to play it."

"Shut up, Ana!" That counted as the fifth time today she told me to shut my face (or something along those lines).

"I can always do the remote access thing."

"NU!"

"Then stop telling me to shut it." I was still a little angry from her calling Nyx a wimp the other day.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Seventh page, bi-"

"NIGHTMARE!"

She shut up before she got a swift kick to the plot and time in the much despised corner.

I peered through the window well in the kitchen. Nightmare was still wrapped up in that stupid game. I glanced at the clock, then back to Nightmare. Gently setting the knife I was cutting strawberries with, I tiptoed through the tulip-y kitchen. I winced as my feet stuck to the linoleum flooring, as it might give me away. I crept along the beige carpeting, crawling behind the section of couch Nightmare was sitting on. Sitting tensely, as I had hoped.

Ever so slowly, I stood up behind her. I raised my arms above my head and brought them down to clutch Nightmare's shoulders. "Don't look or I'll take you."

Nightmare screamed and her wings flared out in surprise / jumpscare mode, catching me in the jaw. "I will end you, Ana!"

"Love you too, Nightmare." I rubbed my jaw. That's gonna hurt in the morning.

"You killed me!" she whined again. "I was this close!" She lifted a hoof, frowning when she realized she didn't have fingers. "Ugh, if I had hands right now, you'd be looking at one." She rolled her eyes.

"It's ten thirty. Quit your stupid game and switch to the Livestream."

Grumbling, she exited Slender and pulled up the Livestream. "It looks really bo- wait, is Fax Machine-?"

"Hoh god yes, a Discord episode!" I derped out happily.

"Shut it, I'm trying to watch." Nightmare tucked her forelegs in closer to her body as I craned my neck around her big-ass horn.

“Well, that escalated quickly.” I stretched until my back cracked.

Nightmare remained quiet, as she had the whole episode. Well, she laughed in the appropriate parts, but didn’t comment much throughout the whole time.

“I liked it. Tabitha St. Germain is the best gravy boat. Wait, so you’re the best gravy boat.” I laughed.

The newly christened Gravy Boat didn’t move.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked. “Look, I’m sorry I called you Gravy Boat.”

Ex-Gravy Boat mumbled something.

“What?”

“I said, it’s not the Gravy Boat thing.”

“Then what is it?” I questioned further. This Nightmare was scaring me. I can usually tell what she’s thinking, like if she’s hungry or- oh crap. It’s—

“Discord.”

She nodded dully. “Am I just like him? Am I domesticated like Todd or one of the Stupid Horses?”

“Nightmare...” I sighed sadly. In her eyes, I must have changed her beyond recognition, twisting her very nature. “I’m sorry. I just- ugh, I have no clue what to say in a situation like this, Nightmare Moon.”

She lifted a hoof and stared at her warped reflection. “You don’t know what it’s like. To be created of loneliness and despair, only to be- be reformed within what, two years? Three? I feel like Nyx. Weak and scared, but I’m not. Not scared and I remember arcane magic. I had all my memories when the Elements sent me here, but something happened. Something short—”

“Vertically challenged!” I fiercely reminded her, earning a small smile.

“Yes, a vertically challenged, blonde something. That happened to watch the story of the ponies that sent me here. I- I remember scarfing muffins down. That was the extent of my evil.

She gulped air to prevent from shedding liquid pride. “Now’s the same with Discord, and all it took was a friend to change him.”

She looked over to me. “Is that what you are? My friend? Is that why it’s not eternal night now, why you’re not vaporized?”

I held her hoof; I doubt a hug would help right now, what with her character crisis. “Nightmare Moon, I am proud to call you my friend. You are an incredible mare and one of the best people I have ever known. Granted, you have your moments of stupidity, but it’s not your fault that it’s not eternal night. If you remember the Muffin- Muffin- Muffin-” I frowned, trying to remember the word.

“Muffin Heist of oh-ten, then you should remember being a filly. Fillies tend to be very impressionable, like kids. If you think you’d have more- more willpower than when you’re fully grown, you’re just a stupid. In fact, last week you ate my entire stas- I mean, all my Hershey’s! You butthead.” I playfully pushed her with my shoulder.

“That still just elaborates on who I’ve become. You probably would have a collar on right now if I were like I was before.”

“Would the New Nightmare want a collar on me?”

She was silent for a moment, trying to think that one through. “No, I don’t suppose I would,” she said slowly. “I wouldn’t want you as my slave, if only to get the cookies on the top shelf. I w-want you to be better.” I could see her trying to blink back tears. “I don’t want you to die, Ana.”

I ran a consoling hand through her spectral mane. “Shh, Moony, it’s okay. If I had the choice between being well or never knowing you, I would rather have things the way they are.”

“But I don’t want that! Have you thought about me at all? What do you think I’m going to do when you’re—” She shut her eyes tightly. “I don’t want to lose you, Ana.”

“I don’t want to lose me, either. But since medicine can’t help me and magic can only do so much, I don’t want you,” I gently pushed her chin up so I could make eye contact. “To worry about me. Do you know if Celestia would come and get you?” Hey, maybe it’ll be like in My Little Dashie. Except with Nightmare Moon and I’d be dead.

“I doubt she even knows I’m still alive, much less where I am or I have my own form.” She sneezed and wiped her snot on my Michigan sweatshirt. Gross.

I scooched a couple inches away. “Okay snotmonster,  I’ll tell you what to do. You can take up my form—”

“No!”

“—and go to my work. You can have my memories, too. You’ll need them if you want to work at Doc White’s.”

“No! I’m not living your life. You have a terrible job for an eldritch deity to do, anyway. But I won’t impersonate you if you’re dead.” She shuddered. “That’s jus’ nasty!”

“So you’re saying that you’d impersonate me if I’m alive?” I nudged her again. She bit her lip and looked away shamefully.

“You would too!” I shouted. I poked her in the shoulder, emphasizing my next words. “I. Freaking. Knew it!”

“Shut up, Ana. I’m gonna go ‘n feed Bruce and Todd.” Nightmare got up, horn reaching about seven-six. When she stood up before, said horn drove a divot in the drywall ceiling. Again.

I stood up; the nuke was defused. I sat down again in puzzlement. What had I been doing before? Something about fruit...

Meet Mr. Bubble.

Nightmare gazed up at the 3D TV, the glasses barely fitting her small face. She's been obsessed with Monsters Inc. lately and it's been driving me crazy.

"Where did she go? Did she disappear? Dis she turn invisible?" I quoted the movie at the exact time Sully said it in the movie.

Nightmare gave me an irritated look. The glasses slid down her face and  hung precariously at the tip of her nose. Her eyes crossed to scowl at it as if it would crawl back up to her eyes if she glared at it long enough.

I got up to use the restroom. Once I was on the oval office, I remotely activated the nanny cam I bought to make sure Nightmare stays out of trouble. I can't see what she's doing with the remote, but it's recorded so I can watch the tape later.

I flushed and I heard a crash. I rubbed some Purell on my hands and went back to the living room. Loud noises have become a normal part of life the past few weeks, so I was only slightly worried. Lying on the couch was a discarded pair of glasses.

"Niiiiiightmaaaare," I called. A clatter of hooves answered.

I cautiously made my way into the kitchen, my bare feet sticking to the linoleum. What lay in front of me looked like a disaster scene. Broken plates were strewn about the room, a cracked glass was hanging off the faucet. A chair was pulled up to the snack cupboard and I could see the hoofprints because of the thick layer of coffee grounds coating the floor. The snack cupboard was empty.

I did a mental check. There were cookies, pretzels, chips and- oh god. There was a stash of muffins.

I tiptoed into the hallway, following the black hoofprints leading to her room. It was actually a guest bedroom, but she just adored the closet that automatically lights up when you open it.

The door was cracked open, but Nightmare wasn't in sight. But the coffee grounds told otherwise. I followed the trail to the 'magical' closet andflung the door open. A very guilty looking Nightmare Moon gawked at me, her mouth full and double hoofing muffins out of the Ziploc. The rest of the snacks were lying at her hooves.

"Ah di uh do ih," she said around her mouthful, her teeth stained purple from the blueberries.

"Uh huh, sure. And I'm Celestia." I put my hands on my hips.

Her eyes widened in fear. I facepalmed. Of course, she doesn't know what sarcasm is.

"No, I'm not Celestia. That was called sarcasm." I explained.

Nightmare narrowed her eyes and swallowed. She slowly took another bite of muffin.

I suddenly lunged at her. She jumped out of the closet, trailing coffee grounds all the while.

I scrambled. "You will clean up that kitchen at once!" I yelled.

"No! cleaning is for peasents!"

"You're not in Equestria anymore! We don't have princesses here in America!" I saw her standing in the hallway.

"That's right, you don't! But you have Nightmare Moon!" she posed. Then she raced off.

"But if you don't come back here RIGHT NOW, there won't be!"

"You have to catch me first!" I saw a flash of her mane on the basement stairs. I pounded down the concrete steps into the unfinished basement.

"I swear to god, Nightmare, if you don't get your ass upstairs and clean that kitchen..." I ground my teeth.

A giggle emanated from the crawlspace. I crept over to where the giggle was. All was silent again. Her head poked out of the crevice she had managed to squeeze into. She had grown fast since I found her two months ago. She was roughly a foot and a half tall and about two feet long.

She saw me and squealed, trying to get out of the crawlspace. I seized her before she could make her escape. She shreiked and collapsed into my arms in a fit of giggles. I had to remind myself not to squee over her mindblowing adorableness.

"Nightmare, you have to clean the kitchen. And as punishment," I took a deep breath. "You are taking a bubble bath."

Sheer terror engulfed her face. "No no! No bubble baths! No bubbles! Please!" she desperately pleaded.

"You need one. Badly. And it's only fair since I have to vacuum the whole house tomarrow. So tough luck, girly."

"You can take the bath. I'll clean." Nightmare begged.

"Tough luck," I spat and stormed upstairs. I showed her the kitchen. A look of pride spread across the filly's face.

"You can start by pushing the chair back up to the table. I'll be watching." I set her down on the floor. I left the room and closed all the open doors. She was still too small to reach the French doorknobs.

Ten minutes later, I returned to the kitchen. Surprisingly all the broken plates were off the floor and in the trash. Believe me, I checked. But the Mare in the Moon was nowhere to be seen. I walked into the living room, and saw Nightmare catching the end of Monsters Inc..

I went back into the kitchen and swept the coffee grounds up and into the trach can. I retreived the shards of glass residing in the sink and put them in recycling. The kitchen looked decent, if not a little grubby. I opened the door to Nightmare's room and retired to the master bedroom for the night.

I left the door slightly ajar, in case Nightmare has a nightmare (I know, aren't I hilarious). I turned on the flat screen and played the recording of the nanny cam.

A soundless, black and white Nightmare Moon sat in the living room. Suddenly, she got up and streaked into the kitchen. A few minutes later, she returned into the view of the all-powerful nanny cam. A package of cookies, a bag of pretzels, and the bag of sacred muffins rested upon Nightmare's back as she raced out of the kitchen and was once again out of sight.

The next morning, I crept into Nightmare's room to raid her closet for the remaining snacks. God, she still snores. I opened the closet door and mentally cursed. The light turned on, revealing two moldy muffins, a half-empty cookie pack, and many pretzel crumbs. The light also seemed to mute the house. Yes, Nightmare stopped snoring. I scoopedup the food and ran into the kitchen. I threw the muffins away and put the other stuff in the cupboard.

A bleary Nightmare wandered in.

"Did you take the snacks?" she yawned.

"No. I put them away last night," I lied.

"Then what are you doing in here?"

"Coffee."

"I spilled the grounds."

"Clever filly. I was making pancakes."

"We're out of eggs."

"Crap, you're smart."

"Well I did almost take over Equestria." she said proudly.

"Okay Miss Princess, you're still dirty. And you need a-"

"Bath!"she paled.

I grabbed her before she could move. "You're actually taking it today, splashy."

"No! I'm clean! See?" she shook her filthy hooves in my face.

When I got into the bathroom, I closed the door before letting her down.

"No! This isn't the bathroom! I'm hungry!" Nightmare wailed and banged on the door.

I turned on the faucet and squirted a generous amount of Mr. Bubble into the tub.

She stared in horror at the rising foam.

I reached down and picked her up, only to have her squirm free... just above the bathtub.

"Noooooooooo!" she howled.

I almost felt bad for her, she made it sound like the bubbles were mugging her. But then I remember that the poor mug victim wrecked the kitchen and tracked coffee grounds all through the house.

I squirted baby shampoo onto my hand and scrubbed Nightmare's mane. I reached for the garden spade I use to clean her hooves as Nightmare flailed about the tub.

"Help me!" she yelled through the bubble coating so thick that I could only see her eyes.

"Nope." I groped through the bubbles for a hoof. I got one and scraped the coffee out of it. I did the same for the next hoof, and the next.

"Help!" she waved her hooves about, catching me in the hand.

"Ouch, Nightmare, that hurt." I clutched my now bleeding hand.

"I did? Whoa, cool! Blood!" she leaned over the edge of the tub.

"Gotcha!" I lathered her tail with the shampoo.

"Noooooo!"  she acted like she passed out.

I got up to dry my hands, but discovered that there was no towel. I left to go get one. When I returned, the bathroom was quiet.

Curiosly, I leaned over the edge of the tub, searching for Nightmare.

"Gotcha!" she popped out of the bubbles and pulled my head into the water.

Sputtering, I took my wet face out of the water.

"Nightmare, you are so dead!" I yelled.

The carpet outside the bathroom was soaked. First I grabbed the towel, then I ran along the dark trail, finding her creeping into the kitchen.

"Aha!" I scooped her up and wrapped her up in the towel. She giggled and poked her head out, a corner of the towel hanging out over her face.

I laughed along with her and snuggled. "Right now, you are REALLY cute, Nightmare."

She giggled more. "I know!"