Five First Dates

Chapters

Prologue: How You Gonna Keep 'Em Down On The Farm?
The Best Little Secrets Are Kept
A First Date, or, My Dinner with AJ
AB Positive
A Second "First Date"
Southern Comforts
Unanswered Questions and Questionable Answers
Big Night Out, or, Only You Can Prevent Dumpster Fires
An Ending (Ascent)
A Third First Date, or, The Luck of the Shirish

Prologue: How You Gonna Keep 'Em Down On The Farm?

Matthew Williams was having a strange week. By his recent standards, that was really saying something.

A few months ago, he'd been stuck in a rut. A Californian, he'd pitched up in New York City, thinking himself lucky to find a decent job and a nice enough apartment, but his life had been going nowhere. Every day, he woke up, went to work, came home in the evening, played video games, went to bed, woke up the next day, went to work. Lather, rinse, repeat. Sometimes he'd change things up a bit by watching TV or going to the movies. He'd had big dreams once, but after a few years in New York, the only thing he'd really clung on to was a vaguely defined plan to one day quit the mall and travel the world.

Fast forward a few months, and instead of travelling the world, he was settling down in a brand new world, a world with new rules, where almost everything he'd ever learned was turned on its head. He would have called it impossible, except that the entire concepts of "possible" and "impossible" had changed forever. Questions - about how things worked here, or why certain things happened, or what was going to happen next - would only lead to more questions, and the nagging sense that he was either crazy, or at least headed that way. Instead, Matt was learning to just go with it.

There were worse places to settle down, all things considered.

Sweet Apple Acres. A hot, sunny Tuesday morning, the sun climbing higher in the sky, the air getting hotter, a welcome breeze filtering through the trees from time to time.

Down in the orchard, Matt wiped the sweat from his brow for the umpteenth time and cricked his neck, and looked around. Rolling hills covered with apple trees as far as the eye could see, in every direction, under a perfectly clear blue sky. He was pretty much used to the bright, colourful scenery, the way everything looked slightly unreal, but the view out here still inspired a bit of awe. The clean, fresh air carried the scent of leaves and apples. He felt lucky to be here; okay, so he hadn't exactly pictured himself working on a farm before, but it turned out he loved it.

"It's funny," Matt thought to himself, as he hoisted a barrel of apples onto a cart. "This was shaping up to be a pretty ordinary week. Or, it would have been, if -"

His train of thought was interrupted by a passing cow.

"Good morning, Matt," said the cow, with a friendly nod.

"Good morning, Patsie," replied Matt, without giving it a second thought.

He reached down to lift another barrel of apples onto the cart. He grimaced as his pant leg brushed against a scratch on his calf. Not Spike's fault exactly, he thought; he just needed to be more careful around the back-talking baby dragon and his sharp claws. After all, Spike was a decent guy, really. He was also effectively Matt's housemate: a live-in assistant to the magical unicorn librarian with whom Matt was currently crashing, by order of a sun-raising alicorn Princess who ruled this world of talking ponies.

Yep, quite a normal week in the new life of Matthew Williams, the first and only human in Equestria.

Even with the bar set pretty high, though, this had been a strange few days. "The good kind of strange, though", Matt reflected, as the main reason for all the recent weirdness trotted into view.

Applejack was glowing with perspiration as she took her hat off and shook out her mane. "Hooo-eee! Ah'm on a roll today," she grinned. "Ah musta cleared half o'the south-east orchard! An' it ain't even midday yet."

Matt looked over to her. She looked back at him. Their eyes met for a moment. They shared a smile. They heard a noise. They quickly looked away from each other as her brother came into the grove.

"How are you gettin' along there, Big Mac?" asked AJ, as breezily as she could muster. "Hittin' all yer targets?"

"Eeyup", replied the enormous red horse, with a proud swish of his mane.

"Well, keep it up!", beamed Applejack. "You too, Matt. There's a bunch o' bushels just waitin' to be loaded over behind them there trees, whenever ya find a minute."

Matt smiled. "Thanks AJ, I'll be over in a sec. Just need to finish up here."

They shared another look while Big Macintosh's attention was elsewhere. Wordlessly, Applejack and Matt let their gaze linger on each other, until the apple barrels on the cart gave a jerk as her brother heaved the yoke back onto his neck. Startled, they quickly looked away from each other once again. Big Mac looked back to make sure all the barrels were loaded; AJ fussed with her tail ribbon, and Matt pretended to be intensely interested in a piece of bark from the closest tree. It was too obvious, and things were too quiet; but luckily for them, Big Mac wasn't paying any kind of attention to anything but apples.

Still, Applejack jumped in to break the silence before things got weird. "Well, ah'd best be gettin' along. All them other trees ain't gonna buck themselves!" She gave another smile, and Matt's heart skipped a beat. "See ya both later," said AJ, as she trotted off into the distance. Matt stole a glance back towards her. She was looking back at him. Too far away to tell, but he thought she gave him another smile.

Matt was getting pretty good at reading AJ's face now. Smiles were pretty much all they could share in public; as far as anyone knew, he and Applejack were good friends, and they'd become closer friends after she found him a job on the family apple farm, where his hands came in handy lifting barrels for the ponies to speed up the never-ending harvest.

What everyone didn't know was that Matt and Applejack had fallen in love. Not only fallen in love, but slept together. And other than the Princess, nobody else knew just what was happening.

Keeping it that way was hard work, and both Applejack and Matt were getting tired of the charade.

Having arrived in Equestria by accident, with nowhere to live, Matt was currently billeted way across town with Twilight Sparkle in the library. He got to see Applejack at work every day, but with her brother and little sister tending to the farm too, and her grandmother supervising and keeping a watchful eye over the family, Matt's real time together with the pony he loved was limited to whatever precious moments they could steal when no other ponies were around.

'The pony he loved'. Now, that was a sentence he'd never expected to have in his head, for sure. Even without the whole "pony" thing, the idea of falling in love was strange enough in itself. But, despite never having felt it before, he knew that was what it was.

Every time he saw her, or heard her, or thought about her, everything suddenly felt right, and he swore his heart would literally skip a beat. He'd never gone for that whole sappy lighter-than-air stuff, the stories about finding a magical, star-kissed, other-side-of-a-rainbow kind of love... and yet here he was, lovestruck. He might as well have cartoon hearts in his eyes.

(Actually, he wasn't completely sure he didn't have cartoon hearts in his eyes. Apparently that was also a thing that could happen here. Best be extra careful, just in case.)

Well, he hoped he was hiding his true feelings for Applejack a little better than that, because neither of them was ready for the rest of the Apple family to know they were a couple. They had their reasons. For starters, neither AJ or Matt had any idea how others would react to an inter-species relationship, especially a physical one. Moreover, it was very important to Applejack that she not mess up the delicate balance of mutual respect and tradition in the family, and it was equally important to Matt that Big Mac wouldn't kick his ass.

(Truth be told, Matt was pretty scared of Granny Smith too; sure she might be a doddering octogenarian, but she also had a piercing look that seemed to see right through everything and which made Matt feel small and humble whenever he asked for another slice of pie, never mind this. Plus, she owned a thousand acres of farmland and a lot of shovels, so... no.)

Still, it wasn't enough for Matt, and it wasn't enough for AJ. They were a couple now, but you'd hardly know it when they were forced to spend most of their time pretending to be just friends, hoping nobody noticed the customary Equestrian "best friend" hugs were going on a bit longer than usual, and with rather more nuzzling than was traditional. Once, while saying goodnight on the farmhouse porch, he'd even found himself absent-mindedly stroking her coat, hands heading for new places, before a weak-kneed Applejack loudly cleared her throat and he snapped back to his senses. He wasn't sure if Granny saw; he hoped he could just pass it off as a human thing.

(It wasn't a human thing.)

But things couldn't stay like this. Sure, acting like a pair of giggly teenagers for the first few days had been kind of fun, exciting even: hiding behind barns and around corners for a quick kiss before straightening hats and hair and emerging nonchalantly like nothing had happened, making goo-goo eyes at each other over the dinner table while Apple Bloom was rambling on about her latest ideas on how to get her cutie mark. Now, though, the whole sneaking around thing was starting to get a bit old.

Neither Matt nor Applejack had actually said it out loud, but they were both wondering the same thing: "What happens next?"

Finding the answer would turn out to be quite the adventure.

Author's Note

Thanks to MaxBeezy for not minding me borrowing his characters, story, and, um, everything.

The Best Little Secrets Are Kept

"Ah'm just sayin', we've been sneakin' around like a couple of foals..."

Matt looked at Applejack as she made a tell-tale half-frown, scrunching up her face as she carefully chose her words. He'd been around her long enough already that he knew this meant she was building up to something important.

Most other people - or ponies - might have been evasive if he'd asked them where they saw their relationship going. Perhaps they'd have fobbed him off with a non-committal answer, or even flat out lied. But not Applejack. Not the Element of Honesty. Not the most wonderfully unaffected person - or pony - Matt had ever met. No. He'd asked her a question, and just like every other time, she was giving him a straight answer.

"...And for a couple weeks now, at that. Hidin' from Granny and mah brother, pretendin' to Apple Bloom that we're just good friends, pretendin' to Twilight that ah don't know what she done, or tried to do."

Matt knew better than to interrupt her until she'd gotten whatever it was off her chest. Plus, she was even more adorable when she was thinking hard about something.

"Now... Ah ain't implyin' there weren't a lot of fun in the process this far. So, please don't you go thinkin' I regret any of it."

She suddenly cuddled up closer to Matt, startling him as her muzzle pressed against the side of his face. He felt her smirk as she rested on his cheek, whispering breathily in his ear.

"Any of it, you hear?"

He knew full well what she was talking about.

Damn, she was something else, he thought. Even talking in private to her human coltfriend, out here in the north orchard after a hard day's applebucking, sitting together under a tree in the evening light, all the chores done, the rest of the Apple family back home at the farmhouse after a long hard day's work, nopony else for literally miles around, she still wouldn't talk directly about them sleeping together.

She didn't need to. Sure, as far as AJ was concerned, it was something between them and only them; he could have guessed that, just from her upbringing. But he felt the same way too, like he and she were just somehow on the same wavelength and had no need to discuss it. They both knew what they'd done, they both remembered every intimate detail, and now it hung in the air every time they saw each other, unspoken, but always there.

An elephant in the room. A big, sexy elephant. Wait, are there elephants here? Do they talk? That would be weird. Focus, Matt. The point was, they'd taken their relationship to another level, and then just sort of... left it there.

But that incredible night had been two weeks ago, and this was pretty much the first time they'd been free to take a walk together since then, never mind cuddling under a tree at sunset. It had been worth the wait - how could it not be, holding Applejack tightly like this, as they watched the sun and moon change places, and admired the princesses' perfect handiwork?

It had been just about the best fortnight of Matt's life, worries and questions aside. That said, he'd had a lot of worries and questions, and not without reason.

Applebuck season was the busiest time of year on the farm, and so Sweet Apple Acres needed all hooves - and hands - at work, all day, every day. They harvested apples from dawn until dusk, Applejack studying the trees and picking out the ripest fruit, she and Big Macintosh kicking the apples off the trees, Matt and Apple Bloom picking them up in baskets, Matt hoisting the baskets onto the cart, Granny Smith grading and sorting the apples back at the barn. Each of them knew their roles, and each of them worked until they physically couldn't work any more.

Matt was a hard worker, and in a world where just having hands and walking upright gave him a valuable skill, he'd quickly become a key part of their team. He'd be lying if he said he didn't feel just a little flash of pride when he found he could match the ponies for speed, when they commended him on his work, or expressed admiration at how useful he was making himself.

Granny Smith had called him a natural farmpony, which had made Applejack laugh as she reminded her grandmother that Matt wasn't technically a pony at all.

"Well, he might as well be, far as I care," Granny had said. "Reckon he's as fine a farmpony as any was born with four hooves".

"Eeyup," agreed Big Mac as he passed.

These were born farmers, and Matt knew that was as high a compliment as they could possibly pay; he was genuinely moved, and when AJ's hoof squeezed his hand while Granny turned to fuss over the stove, he knew his marefriend was similarly full of pride.

When he'd originally taken the job, one of the attractions - even before he understood why - had been the chance to spend the day with Applejack, and sure enough it was amazing seeing so much of her, she was so beautiful and so graceful and...

Focus, Matt. Focus.

...But seeing her every day was a double-edged sword. He didn't have to miss her while he was at work, he didn't have to daydream about what she might be doing, he could always look over and see her, fanning herself with her hat, smiling with quiet pride at a job well done, shaking the sweat from her mane, giving him a sultry look when nobody else was around, flexing as she charged at a tree and bucked her thighs and...

Focus!

...Yeah, all of that stuff.

But.

Seeing her so much also served to remind him that moments alone together were few and far between. Since the night of the dance, when he'd finally confessed his feelings to her, and the unforgettable next day, when they'd first kissed and then later spent their first night together, they'd hardly had ten minutes' peace before her family or their friends would interrupt them.

At the end of each day, Matt would retire to the farmhouse to wash up and have dinner with the family. The first couple of days, he'd thought he was doing the polite thing by trying to leave, mumbling about getting back to Twilight and not wanting to impose and blah blah blah, until AJ took him aside during a quiet moment. In her adorable way, blunt but tactful, she'd softly explained that hospitality was one of the most important things an earth pony, and especially a farmer, could offer a friend. For an "outsider" to be invited to dinner was also an invitation for them to cement their friendship, and by refusing he risked giving the impression he didn't value that friendship. Since then, every day, the Apples had trooped back to the farmhouse together, and Matt had washed up, put on a clean shirt, and sat down at the table to say grace and eat with the Apples; now, it was part of his routine.

The food was always delicious, once they'd straightened out some misunderstandings about what kinds of flowers humans could actually eat, and Matt was always polite and courteous. He'd been a little scared the first time, but he'd quickly caught on that the Apples weren't the kinds of ponies to stand on ceremony or fuss over using the right forks or whatever. He was grateful he didn't have to mind his table manners too much besides the obvious: showing respect to Granny, paying attention to what everyone said, trying hard not to burp or get leaves stuck in his human teeth or do anything else to embarrass Applejack.

If he felt a little like a nervous teenager sweating through dinner with his prom date's parents back on Earth, it was no great hardship, and not just because she was always there to make it all worthwhile, with her lovely green eyes and occasional private smirk whenever one of Granny's anecdotes would meander off course. Sure, AJ was a pretty big reason, but not the only one. No, there was more to it than that.

Truth be told, Matt was enjoying hanging out with the Apples like this, Applejack or not. He'd moved away from his parents back in Los Angeles a few years back to start a new life on the other side of the country. Sure enough, he'd made his own way, convincing himself he was an independent modern guy, a brash and confident New Yorker going places. He'd never realised how much he missed family life - and his parents - until these farmers had, effectively, adopted him as one of their own. They never really talked about it, but being separated from his family back on Earth, Matt was grateful to have the Apples in his life, and he got the feeling it was mutual.

All of which made it especially hard keeping a huge, earth-shattering secret from them.

One time, Apple Bloom had blurted out that Matt was "like part of the family", which made AJ choke on her water for a moment. But it was true, really; the Apples had given him a job, trusted him with their most important chores, treated him like a true Apple. If he and Applejack didn't figure their relationship out soon, it would only make it even more awkward when they eventually broke the news: AJ and her adopted human cousin, the human they'd taken in and treated like a son, were actually in love. How would they react?

Matt had gotten it into his head that he should imagine he were dating a girl from a deeply conservative Southern family back home, and so he should act accordingly around the Apples. So far, that instinct had proved correct. Granny Smith liked him, he was pretty sure of that; but Granny was also ultra-protective of Applejack, and naturally suspicious of any stallion - or human - who seemed to be getting too close. Understandable enough, he thought; while he didn't know what had happened to Applejack's parents (and AJ herself had clammed up the first and last time he'd broached the subject with her), he knew they weren't around any more, and so Granny effectively saw AJ as her daughter, somepony to be protected at all costs.

So, to that end, and because Applejack would sooner fall into a manticore pit than appear ungrateful or disrespectful to Granny Smith, they kept up this ridiculous charade. Every day, when they'd trudge back to the farmhouse, dirty and tired, Matt was always chaperoned off to one side to wash up with Big Mac while the ladies went off to change for dinner. Every night, when dinner was over and the dishes were cleaned and stowed, Matt knew without being asked that it was time for him to go home. Every night, he would say goodbye on the porch; every night, Granny Smith kept a watchful eye, and Matt would have to say goodnight to the whole clan, taking care he didn't pay Applejack an excessive amount of attention and affection compared to the others.

He'd spent too long giving AJ a slightly too intimate "best friends" goodbye cuddle one night, and to save face, he'd had to hug a thoroughly startled Big Mac with equal feigned enthusiasm, as Granny watched on in confusion.

"That's, uh, how humans... express... real friendship to one another", Applejack had said, somewhat unconvincingly.

"...Uh-huh", came the unconvinced reply.

For a Southern girl, Matt thought, AJ would make a pretty terrible poker player. But Granny had said nothing, and when Matt lined up rather reluctantly to give her the same inappropriately close embrace, she'd instead held him off with a polite raised hoof and a sly smile.

"He's a nice young feller," he'd heard Granny say to Applejack, as he walked off down the path away from the farm. He didn't hear a reply, but he could picture AJ's blushing face.

And so Matt would head back home, alone. Twilight Sparkle had gotten used to him coming home late, and Spike no longer bothered to make any food for him to find cold and uneaten on the kitchen counter. Although Twilight knew he loved Applejack, she didn't know the ins and outs -

- phrasing! -

of their relationship, and moreover she didn't ask. That suited Matt just fine.

One of the reasons the past couple of weeks had been so weird was that things were still largely unresolved between Twilight and himself. When he first arrived in Equestria, Princess Celestia had billeted him with Twilight at the library, and he'd let Twilight treat him as a case study in return for room and board. He liked her a lot - she was cute, and smart, and sweet, and also kind of a massive dork. In short, she reminded him a lot of... well, himself, but also of female friends he'd had back on Earth; he could totally imagine her Earth counterpart as part absent-minded science geek, part avid gamer. Her support had been invaluable in the first terrifying weeks as he adapted to life on a new planet, adjusted to the loss of everyone he'd ever known; she'd been a constant source of reassurance, a fixed point letting him know he had a place in this strange new world. Not counting that one time she locked him out for telling her parents they were dating.

They'd settled into a pleasant routine as housemates, giving each other their space, teasing each other, sharing laughs, sharing cocoa, looking out for one another, just generally being comfortable around each other. As the weeks went by, he'd started to feel more and more at home, and Twilight was a big part of that. Matt had never had a sister, but he'd imagine it was probably something like this. He'd often reflected on how appropriate it was Celestia had assigned him to live under Twilight's supervision, as she was just the sort of girl he'd like to have as a good friend.

A good friend and nothing more, which was apparently where he and Twilight saw things rather, well, differently.

Things had come to a head after he revealed he had fallen for Applejack. First, she'd tried to kiss him, blurted out that she had feelings for him, taken rejection poorly, found solace in the hooves of none other than Big Mac, run away from Matt to Canterlot to "get over him", singularly failed to do so, and then finally - and this was a secret Matt was pretty sure he would take to the grave - she'd made him kiss her before she came back to Ponyville.

At which point she'd apparently decided, rather abruptly, that was that, and since then, she'd paid no further romantic attention to him. They'd taken their relationship to a weird and slightly icky place, and then just sort of... left it there.

Yeah, there was a lot of that going around, Matt thought to himself.

Things had calmed down a little since then, and although Matt was pretty sure they'd never discuss it in the open again, he got the sense that Twilight was really, really trying to repair their relationship as friends, to put things back to where they'd been before. He was up for that, if she was. If anypony could turn back time like that, surely it was Twilight Sparkle.

Matt thought back to the previous evening.

"Twilight?", he asked, as he unlocked the library door. She'd given him a key after he'd come home early one day and caught her and Big Mac hastily trying to cover their tracks. As part of their efforts to clear the air without actually clearing the air, they'd tacitly agreed not to bring anyone over without letting the other know first, so they could arrange to conveniently be elsewhere. Twilight had said she wanted Matt to feel like a housemate, not a guest, and it had genuinely moved him.

("This is your home now, and I need to respect that," she'd said. "You were good enough to take me and my friends in when we were stranded in your world. I wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't let you make a home for yourself here in this world." Bless her, he thought, she really was trying.)

Matt peered around the door, and called out to Twilight again. There was no reply, and the library was dark, but the door to Twilight's study was ajar and light flickered from within. He listened out for a moment to make sure she wasn't, um, entertaining, but all he could hear was the scratching of a quill pen and Spike's loud, rhythmic snoring.

He knocked on her study door, not wanting to startle her. (One time, he'd walked in on her mid-essay, and she'd been so engrossed in whatever she was writing, she'd completely ignored him. She'd only noticed he was there when she'd magically floated her quill over to the inkwell and nearly poked him in the eye; when she saw him standing there, the resulting shriek had made them both jump, and caused a rather grumpy Spike to fall out of bed.)

"Hey, Twilight. Just wanted to let you know I'm home," he said quietly, as he stuck his head around the door. Twilight looked up and smiled.

"You look exhausted, Matt. They're working you pretty hard," she said.

"It's... different, for sure", he grinned, "but I'm turning out to be a pretty good farmpony. I'd never have guessed I'd enjoy farm work, and I ache like you wouldn't believe, but there's a lot to be said for working out in the open with the Apples all day."

"I'm sure," smirked Twilight. "And how is AJ, anyway?"

"She's fine," said Matt, ignoring the undertone. "You know how tough applebuck season is - she said you helped out last year?"

"They work so hard on the farm," she said, thoughtfully. "Applejack used to have a real problem with asking for help, but she's much better now. It won't be so bad this year, with Big Mac fit and healthy again -"

(Twilight apparently didn't hear Matt chortle quietly under his breath.)

"- and Apple Bloom helping out more... and you, of course. I can tell you're working just as hard - you've lost a lot of weight."

"Thanks... I guess?", said Matt with a smile.

"Not that you were fat before!", she stammered, a little too quickly. "Although of course my observations of other humans back in your version of Manehattan were very limited. But it's done you good, I think."

"Twilight..." said Matt, with a slight warning tone.

"No, no, I don't mean it like that," she said, rolling her eyes, as if the events in Canterlot had never happened, as if the very notion of her being attracted to Matt was ridiculous. "I mean, from a physiological point of view. Humans seem to benefit from the kind of environment Ponyville provides - fresh air, no pollution, walking everywhere, lots of fresh fruits and vegetables - and with you working on the farm too, I think it's good for you. It's good for everypony. It's one of the reasons I stayed here after moving from Canterlot - that, and my friends," she said.

She looked at Matt with a smile as she said that last part. "I'm glad you're my friend, Matt," said Twilight, quietly.

Matt leaned down and gave her a hug; she didn't resist. "What's this for?", she asked.

"I'm glad you're my friend too, Twilight Sparkle," he said, as they broke the hug. She gave him an adorable, beaming smile, and he smiled back.

Twilight quickly shook her head, as though coming out of a trance, and turned back to her parchment. "I really should get this finished," she said. She was trying her best to pretend she didn't want to go back to her research, to bury herself in the seven or eight books she'd piled around her, but Matt understood her well enough by now not to be offended.

"Of course," he said. "I'd best be getting to bed, anyway. I'm glad I got to see you first." (She smiled again.) "If I'm already gone in the morning when you wake up, have a good day, and tell Spike I said hi," he said.

"Will do," said Twilight, already riffling the pages of a particularly heavy book with her magic. "Goodnight, Matt."

It's funny, thought Matt, as he closed the door behind him and headed down to his room, but ever since we kissed, it's as if she never had feelings for me at all. He smiled to himself. Perhaps things really were getting back to normal - or whatever counted as "normal" in this crazy magic talking-horse world. If only all his relationships could be worked out that easily.

If his nightly routine was becoming comfortable again, his mornings were anything but. He'd wake up early - far earlier than he'd ever have considered sane back in New York - pull on his clothes, and pad out into the dark library. Twilight was an early riser herself, but even she'd invariably be asleep at this hour, so he tried to be as quiet as possible as he fixed himself a glass of water; he'd brush his teeth, head outside just as Princess Celestia was raising the sun, and walk down the road to Sweet Apple Acres.

No matter how early he set out, he'd never once arrived before the Apples were already up and about. He'd tiptoe up the path to the farmhouse, but he needn't have worried about waking anyone; the door would swing open, and he'd be greeted by Big Mac with a stoic nod and a half-smile, or by Apple Bloom's hyperactive bouncing, or - if he was lucky, and nobody was watching - by Applejack, with a kiss.

He liked those days the best.

They'd all sit down to breakfast, chatting and laughing and planning out the day's schedule. If it was one of those lucky days, he'd sit next to AJ, and they'd be close enough sometimes that her foreleg would brush against his hand as they reached for the butter or a pancake - sometimes they wouldn't even brush, but they'd be so close he could feel the fur of her coat, and she could feel the hairs on his arms, and both of them would shiver inwardly and smile to themselves. Or they'd bump a foot against a hoof under the table, and catch each other's eye, and it would be all they could do to stop themselves from kissing.

Like dinner, breakfast at Sweet Apple Acres was fun, and Matt enjoyed seeing the Apples trading jokes and anecdotes, the kind of good-natured teasing and banter he'd enjoyed with his Dad back on Earth; and all of the Apples did their best to make him feel included. Sometimes Matt would just watch Applejack laughing, either a cute little Southern chuckle, or throwing her head back and really laughing, and his heart would beat so hard he'd swear it was about to leap clean out of his chest. I'm so lucky to be with her, he'd think to himself.

Those days were really good days.

Still, Matt worried. That morning, all through his first shift, hoisting barrel after barrel of apples onto the cart, he'd been turning a thought over in his mind; it nagged at him, refusing to leave him alone, and every time he locked eyes with his beloved, that thought only pushed itself further to the top.

I'm so lucky to be with her... except I'm never with her.

Up until he accidentally became a landing mat for six talking alien ponies, amazing things simply didn't happen to Matthew Williams. Good things, for sure - he was happy enough with his life before he knew what he was missing - but amazing things, no.

The Californian in him was able to accept he now lived in a fantastical, magical cartoon universe where the laws of physics as he'd learned them were now more like guidelines. The New Yorker in him couldn't accept that after all of this had happened, a beautiful girl was in love with him. Him. Matthew Williams. Good old Matt. Nice guy. Keen gamer. Not sure what he wants to do with his life. Never actually seen him with a girlfriend (or boyfriend, I don't know the guy all that well).

Now, his brain was second-guessing him. You don't deserve her. She can't possibly be interested in you. You're completely ordinary and she's amazing, and it's only a matter of time before she finds you out. In fact, she's probably already found you out. Look at her, she's beautiful, she's smart, she's tough, she's a freaking superhero, and you're... well, you.

Stupid brain.

Try as he might to push those thoughts away - and, sure, that got easier to do every time they hugged, every time they'd sneak behind a barn or around a corner and steal a kiss, every time he thought back to the night they'd spent together, the kisses and touches and closeness and rolling and sweating and... and everything - he still kept coming back, unwillingly, to that nagging question.

Where is this going?

No matter how much he felt they were on the same wavelength, that he and AJ almost knew what the other was thinking without even asking, this was the one subject that never came up, and it was driving Matt crazy.

So, he'd finally come right out and asked her.

When the shift was done, when AJ had - for the first time - headed out with him after dinner, telling Granny all her chores were done and she wanted to see her friends in Ponyville, and she'd have Matt walk her over - he'd asked her. Stopped her as they walked down the path through the orchards and out to Ponyville, taken her to the roadside, sat down by a big, shady apple tree, and... asked her.

He'd laid out his fears. He hadn't meant to do that, to dump all of this on her, especially not when they were actually alone together for the first time in days, but once he'd started to open up, once he'd broken down the barrier and started talking about their relationship, it had all just sort of poured out.

He'd stumbled his way through confessing his worries - about Applejack not being as committed to the relationship as he was, or rather, that she was more afraid to go public about it all than he was, because, after all, she'd got a lot more to lose. He'd remembered what Princess Celestia said to him when he'd told the Princess about their relationship, when she'd asked him if he'd fully considered how huge a risk Applejack was taking just being with him. The worries they both shared about telling anypony they were together - not just about commitment, but about the bigotry they might face, she a much-loved and widely-admired pony (and a superhero at that), he a weird otherworldly two-legged thing.

He'd looked down at the ground as he finally voiced it - his biggest fear, his greatest worry, down at the bottom of it all, the fear that he wasn't good enough for her.

And when he'd finished, when he'd poured what felt like two weeks' worth of jumbled feelings and fears and questions out in front of her, everything was silent.

Matt looks up at Applejack, knowing he's gone too far.

Her first reaction is to look shocked; she stares at him, huge green eyes flickering. "Are ya... Are you thinkin' about... y'know..."

"...About how I can't imagine life without you?"

More visible shock.

"...Ah was gonna say, were you thinkin' about breakin' up with me?"

Matt almost trips over his tongue in his rush to correct her. "No! No, no! AJ, that was the last thing... I'd never... No. No, Applejack. I love you."

She blushes, hard.

"Wait," he stammers. "Were you... does that mean you..."

Applejack smiles, and places a hoof on his lips. "No, ah ain't lookin' to break up with you neither, sugar cube. No way. No how."

The relief is palpable for both of them. They look at each other for a moment, the uncertainty slowly replaced by embarrassment at how ridiculous they've been. Then, spontaneously, they both burst out laughing. Applejack's doing that full-on thing she does, holding her sides, roaring with laughter; Matt would be gazing at her in adoration, except he's doing it too, and AJ has never really seen him do that before. It's cute. He's cute.

As they calm down, and wipe the tears of mirth and release from their eyes, they share a look.

He loves her so much.

She loves him so much.

Without warning, they fly into an embrace, grabbing each other as tightly as they can.

Birds sing in the branches of the apple trees, as late afternoon becomes early evening. A breeze ripples through the north orchard, making the leaves rustle.

Applejack and Matt do not notice.

Matt and Applejack lie together under the apple tree as the sun hangs low in the sky. Her hat lies discarded several feet away, along with Matt's boots. She's resting her head on him, listening to his heartbeat calming down; he's absent-mindedly running his fingers through her coat, playing with a little fluff of fur on her chest. She's never had a coltfriend with fingers before, and she's not at all averse to the experience.

They've resumed their conversation from earlier, albeit both of them now in a rather more... relaxed state of mind than before.

And this is where we came in.

"Ah feel like a filly again, creepin' out an' hidin' from Granny Smith to meet a handsome stallion."

"Handsome stallion?", laughs Matt. "I could get used to that."

"Quiet, you," laughs Applejack. "Listen to what ah'm tellin' you."

"Yes, ma'am," says Matt with a smile.

AJ rolls her eyes in good-natured mock irritation. "Tell me, are all humans this annoyin'? Or is it just a stallion thing?"

Matt mimes zipping his lips closed, which brings a further smile.

"See, here's the thing. Ah like you. Ah really like you. Shoot, ah love you. But this... Ah want this, all the time. Ah want us to be together. To be a couple."

Matt mimes unzipping his lips, and then kisses Applejack. They close their eyes. They both let out a contented sound at the same time; half sigh, half whinny, all blissful. Neither of them is quite sure, but it's possible they have never been this happy in their lives.

"That's all I want too, AJ," says Matt, finally breaking the kiss. "Every day I wake up without you and it hurts. Every day, I see you at work, and I want to just rush over and hold you, but I can't. Every night, I want to kiss you goodnight, but I can't. And it's not me whining about it, it's just... I know it could work. I know we can do this."

"Ah know," says Applejack, looking up at her human. "And ah know there's gonna come a day where we got to tell somepony... everypony, ah guess. An' it hurts me too, right so. But it hurts me sneakin' around, Matt. Ah don't care for lyin', ah think you know that much already. Lyin' to Granny Smith, it feels wrong. Now, ah ain't outright told her a lie about you an' me, because she ain't asked about it. But if'n she came out an' asked me, ah don't believe ah could look her in the eye and say no, we ain't together, there ain't nothin' goin' on between us... Ah can't do that. Not just 'cos of mah whole Element of Honesty deal. That's big enough, for sure. But Granny Smith is family, and in the Apple family, we've always made it a point of pride to always be honest an' up-front with each other. We look out for one another, an' that means we don't keep secrets."

Matt understands. She just can't bring herself to lie, not even by omission; and while she wouldn't be so blunt as to deliberately hurt Granny's feelings, or his, for that matter, it wasn't in her nature to sugar-coat an answer. Truth be told - no pun intended - it was one of the many, many things about Applejack that he found irresistible.

"Fact of the matter is, Matt... Ah've said on a number of occasions now that you an' me foolin' around, behind everypony's back, makes me feel like a teenage filly sneakin' about. But ah was never like that as a teenage filly. Ah never betrayed Granny's trust before. Ah don't want to betray it now."

Matt looks at her for a moment, and then kisses her gently on the forehead. "Wow, AJ," he smiles.

"What?", she replies, with a quizzical look.

Matt chuckles. "Every time I think you can't make me love you more than I already do, you keep finding new ways to surprise me."

"You can be real corny when you're all loved-up, ya know that?", she smirks, but she doesn't pull away.

"If we're going to do this," he says, with a new-found determination in his voice, "we're going to do this right. I agree we can't keep sneaking around, and... honestly? I think we don't need to sneak around. I think Granny Smith, and your brother and sister... well, maybe not your brother, but Granny and Apple Bloom... I think they'd approve. I really do."

They lie there in silence for a while, contemplating the idea. Matt idly scratches Applejack behind her ear as she rests her head on his shoulder; Applejack idly strokes Matt's chest with her hoof.

Suddenly, Applejack sits up. Matt knows that look. She's made a decision.

"So. There's another whole day of applebuckin' tomorrow, but on Sunday, you can come over for lunch, and we'll tell everypony there an' then. You, an' me, together. We'll sit together, and we'll hold hooves - hands - whatever - we'll sit together and just tell 'em all. Granny, Big Mac, Apple Bloom... Matt an' I are in love, and we're dating. An' I think it's gonna be just fine. Ah think everything is gonna be just fine."

Matt smiles, and stands up to hug his marefriend. He holds her near, just enjoying being this close to her again.

"Sunday it is, then," he smiles. But then he pauses.

"But AJ...", he says, thoughtfully... "How can we tell them we're dating, when we haven't actually ever been on a date?"

Applejack opens her mouth to reply, then closes it again. She looks at Matt, quizzically.

"Huh. Ah guess you're right." She looks around, at the tree, at the flattened grass from where they were rolling around earlier. "Ah suppose this doesn't really count... not as a proper date. Romantic-like." She smirks.

"Well, we ought to rectify that situation," says Matt. He realises how stuffy he sounds. "Sorry, I mean..."

Applejack chuckles, and then fixes him with a look he's never seen before. She's adopted a really odd expression, eyebrows raised, muzzle posed with her lips out, like she's posing for a photograph or something.

"Why, Matthew," she says, and Matt almost falls over in surprise. Her voice is completely different. She sounds almost like Rarity, carefully enunciating her words, affecting a Mid-Atlantic accent like some sort of society débutante. "Your elaborate way of speaking is not so elaborate as you may think."

"Whu... wha... Huh?" Matt is lost.

Applejack roars with laughter again, and picks up her hat. "Ah spent a while livin' as a city pony over in Manehattan. Ya didn't know that, did ya?" She's still laughing as she straightens her hat back on her head. "Ah lived the high society life. Turns out, it weren't for me. But just 'cos ah don't put on those frou frou airs an' graces, it don't mean ah can't pass for a snooty city type."

Matt is too stunned to answer.

"But you sure are right about the whole date thing. How can we have a date, without tellin' people we're havin' a date, when we ain't had a date yet, an' so on..." she chuckles, before slipping back into her high society accent again. "It's a paradox."

Matt has finally picked his jaw up off the floor, and his brain is ready to make words.

"Ah... I mean, I... AJ... and... You... buh..."

Well, sort of.

"Applejack", he tries again. "I can't even imagine you as a city pony. You're so much better than that."

"That's kinda what I figured too," she smiles, and all is forgotten. "But ah suppose, before we tell anypony we're datin', we need to start, well, datin'. Ah don't intend on tellin' Granny about our... clandestine liaisons."

Matt is staring again.

"That's fancy talk for foolin' around in secret," she winks.

The next day was a little less arduous; most of the densest orchards were cleared now, and only a few outlying copses were left to harvest from this season's crop. Matt and Applejack continued sharing secret looks and glances and giggles, but now they both felt better than ever about where this was all going.

Still, Matt's mind was churning unhelpfully, as Sunday approached with each passing hour. He knew he had to do something special for Applejack, for their first real date. They couldn't count the hoedown - which had ended in AJ vomiting everywhere and then passing out drunk - or their first night together, which had basically been several glasses of wine on Twilight's sofa before jumping into bed together.

Huh, Matt had thought to himself. Considering how magical their love felt, he was a little embarrassed at his and Applejack's track record so far when it came to romance.

He was still thinking about what to do, and what they were going to say on Sunday, when dinner was over. While Granny was getting into a long, rambling story about onions, and Apple Bloom was listening politely while Big Mac cleared away the dishes, AJ unexpectedly got up from the table.

"Shoot," she'd exclaimed; "guess ah plum forgot about it. Granny, Big Mac, Apple Bloom..."

Matt's pupils dilated. Was she about to make their announcement ahead of time?

"...ah just remembered, ah have to go over to Ponyville again. Ah mended Twilight's book satchel for her, and ah was plannin' on givin' it back to her tomorrow, only ah just realised she's goin' off to the Crystal Empire tomorrow and so she'll want it tonight, ready for the journey."

Applejack paused, and glanced around the table. Matt tried to look neutral; he had no idea what she was talking about, and wasn't sure how he was supposed to react.

"Ah guess if we head on over now, Matt could walk me there. If'n you don't mind, that is, Matt. Ah wouldn't want to be a bother."

This look, he could read. "No, that's fine," he ad-libbed. "It's good to have the company." He was sure he saw Granny Smith raise an eyebrow, but when he looked over, she was the picture of innocence.

"Huh... wha? Oh, sure, you an' Matt head on over there now. You look after mah Applejack, young colt, ya hear?"

"Yes, ma'am", said Matt, as politely as he could manage.

"That's a good boy," said Granny, and went back to telling Apple Bloom about the time she rode the ferry to Fillydelphia.

As Applejack heads out of the door, she slips her hoof through Matt's arm. He looks at her. She smirks. She's up to something.

The minute they're out of view of the farmhouse, AJ pulls on Matt's arm and swings him round, off the path to Ponyville, over towards the north orchard.

"Applejack, what..." he starts to ask, but she just gives him a knowing smile, and puts her hoof to his lips.

They've been walking - trotting, really, as Applejack has been picking up a steady pace - for nearly ten minutes now, and the sun is starting to go down. AJ hasn't said a word, and Matt is just following her.

Finally, they round a barren stand of aged apple trees, and Matt sees an old barn, paint all worn away, wood made pale by exposure to endless rain and sun. By the looks of it, nopony has used this barn for years. Obviously, Applejack wants to show him something out here. What's she hiding?, he thinks. Whatever it is, she's pretty excited to show him.

As they draw closer, Matt sees there's a light flickering inside the barn. He looks at Applejack, who now has a big Pinkie Pie-style goofy grin on her face, like she can barely keep it together much longer.

"What's this, AJ?", he finally asks.

She gives him a look he can't quite place, followed by a little chuckle to herself as she swings the old barn door open.

"Ah thought it was about time we had our first date, Matthew Williams. Now, would y'all do me the honor of accompanyin' me for a romantic picnic in the barn?"

Speechless, he watches her turn and walk into the empty barn. He sees a table in the corner - or it might just be a cider crate with a tablecloth, it's hard to tell. There are plates of food; salads, apple fritters, apple turnovers. There are candles. He has no idea how Applejack found the time to do this. He doesn't even want to begin thinking about how an Earth pony managed to light several candles.

He snaps back to the present to see AJ has turned her head to look at him.

"...Well?", she asks, eyebrow raised. "Are ya comin', human, or not?"

He doesn't need to be asked twice.

Author's Note

...And now the story starts for real. Once again, thanks to MaxBeezy for letting me borrow his story, characters etc.

A First Date, or, My Dinner with AJ

It's the middle of the night. The sky is dark, the moon is pale. Save for the occasional hooting owl, it's a quiet night tonight. All across Ponyville, ponies are tucked up in bed, fast asleep, and safely watched over in their dreams.

At Sugar Cube Corner, Pinkie Pie has somehow managed to roll out of bed and across her room without waking herself up, and she's now wedged in the corner, hind legs halfway up the wall, head buried in the rumpled sheets. In her dream, she's bouncing along a rainbow path lined with candy flowers under a fluorescent green sky. A passing rabbit doffs his top hat, and Pinkie giggles and pulls out a tuba to serenade him with a solo. As the tuba starts to play itself and the sky begins to rain marshmallows, Pinkie and the rabbit start to waltz with one another, suddenly and inexplicably surrounded by thousands of singing frogs in a kaleidoscopic parade. From behind a cotton candy knoll, Princess Luna shakes her head, smiles, and moves on.

In her giant cloud condo, Rainbow Dash has a huge smile on her face, as her dreams flit between epic adventures. Rainbow is flying with the Wonderbolts as her sonic rainboom makes the crowd's manes stand on end. Rainbow is kicking and punching an endless series of changelings in the face. Rainbow is charging across a finishing line ahead of her competitors, being presented with a winners' medal by Spitfire herself. Rainbow is swooping in, rescuing Daring Do from a perilous collapsing temple just in the nick of time. Rainbow is... winning a ballroom dancing competition with Tank? Yes, there she is, holding him aloft in his little matching tuxedo, soaking up the audience's applause as the judges give them perfect scores. From the back of the crowd, Princess Luna smiles to herself; she knows Dash will prefer she keep that last one a secret. She returns her coat check ticket, and moves on.

At Fluttershy's cottage, the timid pegasus has exhausted herself looking after her animals, but her well-earned sleep will be a peaceful one; her birds have made sure that she's covered and snug, and even Angel Bunny fluffed up her pillow for her. (He may be a pint-sized sadist, but deep down, he really does care.) In her dream, Fluttershy lazes on her back in a rowboat, drifting down a still, calm river, watching the clouds form familiar shapes as two of her goats row the oars in tandem. The goats' rhythmic rowing forms a kind of soft metronomic beat, and songbirds come to perch on the sides of the boat and quietly sing a subtle lullaby. Hidden among the cows who wave from their pasture, Princess Luna smiles at Fluttershy's expression of contentment and relaxation, and moves on.

At Carousel Boutique, Rarity sprawls in her massive four-poster bed, a sleeping mask over her eyes, an elegant silk kimono draped around her, the effect only slightly spoiled by the dribble of drool accumulating on her pillow. Like Fluttershy, she's earned it; she's worked her hooves to the quick this week, sketching out her entire fall line and making most of the outfits from scratch, including her usual mid-stream changes and on-the-fly improvements. Having scarcely slept all week, she could barely see straight by the time she staggered upstairs, her tiredness evinced by the fact she only took half an hour to get ready before finally collapsing into bed.

Now, in the land of dreams, Rarity holds court at a fancy after-party, where a succession of awestruck ponies queue to compliment her on the elegance and beauty of her new creations - and their creator. A rather young-looking stallion, clearly new to this game, is trying to act sophisticated, applauding the designer's bravura use of innovative textures; Rarity immediately sees he's terrified, and guides the conversation away from her, subtly flirtatious, commending the colt on his bold choice of ascot. As he walks away with a smile and a new-found confident air, Princess Luna smiles too. She puts her empty wine glass on the bar, and moves on.

At Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack... ah. Yes. Well, everything seems fine here. Luna will just leave this dream be for the moment. She'll come back later. Maybe it's time to check in on Fillydelphia.

In the Golden Oak Library, Twilight Sparkle is asleep, face down on a pile of parchment, smearing the last lines she wrote, the ink staining her fur. She dozes peacefully, burbling about infusing gems with crystal magic; her candle has long since burned out, and there's melted wax all over the desk. In time, Spike will wake up and find her like this, and help her to bed so she can sleep properly. He's used to the routine by now.

But just down the corridor, in what used to be a spare closet and is now the guest bedchamber, Matthew Williams isn't asleep. He's staring at the ceiling, wide awake, his eyes tracing the outlines of gnarled tree roots again and again in the gloom as he thinks over the events of earlier in the night.

He knows he should be sleeping; he's not sure what time it is, as it's too dark to see his old-fashioned alarm clock, and he can't just look over at a flashing digital display like he would back in New York. Whatever, it's definitely way, way after midnight. Time to go to sleep. But that isn't on the agenda. Instead, he's just lying on the bed, trying to make sense of it all. His bewildered brain isn't really up to the task.

Every now and again, he'll puff out his cheeks, or mutter a one-word exclamation, before going back to his contemplation of the ceiling.

Damn, says Matt, to nopony in particular.

Wow.

Yeah.

...This could go on for a while.

Several hours earlier, Matt had been trying to come up with a special home run romantic gesture for his first date with Applejack, something to sweep his beloved marefriend off her feet; something to show her just how much he loves her. Turns out he needn't have worried so much. Applejack is apparently rather better at this stuff than he is, because she'd beaten him to the punch.

Matt enters the old, abandoned barn, and his eyes go wide. AJ has set out a checkered gingham tablecloth over what looks to be an upturned cider crate, with flowers, glasses of water, mugs of cider, plates of food... and candles. There are two little wooden stools on either side of the "table", and AJ is sitting on the far side from him, the flickering orange and yellow light from the candles casting a beautiful glow on her orange and yellow coat, her lovely green eyes twinkling with pride.

He can't believe she went to all this trouble. He can't believe she managed to keep it a secret, not just from him but from Granny and the rest of her family. And most of all, he can't believe she did this for *him*.

"Cat got your tongue there, partner? C'mon and have a seat. Ah didn't do this just fer my own supper."

Matt would love to give her an answer, to let her know how astonished and impressed he is, how blown away he is, but his mouth needs a moment to reconnect with his brain.

"AJ... this... wha... you... and... uh... I... huh?"

No, that was gibberish. Try again. Say something nice. She deserves something nice.

"...Wow."

Real smooth, idiot.

Lucky for him, Applejack finds it cute, rather than being disgusted she's landed herself with such a goofball.

"Ah reckon we might be able to work you up to full sentences by the end of the night," she smiles, remembering a story Princess Cadance once told her.

"I... I'm just... Well, speechless."

"Ah noticed", she giggles.

"Applejack... this is perfect."

"Ah'm glad you approve," she says, and flashes him that beautiful smile. "An' ah'm mighty glad you won't spend the whole night mumblin', 'cause that coulda got old real fast."

"I'm just amazed. Have I mentioned lately how much I love you? How you keep on finding new ways to surprise me?", he says as he takes his seat.

"Once or twice," she smirks, and passes him a mug of soft cider.

Applejack is resting on a giant haystack, buffing an apple against her coat until it shines like a polished horse-chestnut. She looks at her reflection in its mirrored surface. She likes what she sees; she looks happy.

A breeze blows in from outside, through the open barn doors, her hat fluttering on its peg, her mussed mane playing in the fresh summer air. Applejack closes her eyes. This is bliss.

"Ah know you're there, Princess," she mutters, without opening her eyes.

"There is no hiding from you, I see," says Princess Luna, coming out of the shadows of the barn.

"Ah figured this was a dream. Ah take it you were here for the, uh, earlier... activities?" She looks up at the Princess.

If Luna were her younger self, if she hadn't spent years travelling through ponies' dreams, seeing almost everything one could possibly imagine, she might have blushed. Instead, she just gives Applejack a smile, and it's the farmpony's turn to blush.

"I thought it best to leave the two of you with your... activities," she explains. "Though Matt himself is not asleep."

"Huh," says Applejack. "That so? Ah musta had quite the effect on him."

"Indeed," says the Princess. "I would have left you alone altogether, but I wanted to make sure you were alright. I can see I have no need for concern. I shall take my leave. Would you like to forget I was here?"

"Uh, Princess?" says Applejack, with some trepidation. "Actually, if it ain't too much trouble, can you fix it so as ah'm dreamin' about mah date again? Ah could stand to have that dream some more."

"As you wish," smiles Luna, and the barn disappears into the æther.

Applejack's heartbeat is thudding in her ears as she trots towards the old barn, and gingerly pushes open the weathered and splintered door.

Behind her, Matt has gone completely silent. She can only hope he's happy; she almost daren't look around to see. Instead, she checks the barn in front of her. The tablecloth is still there, wild animals haven't knocked over the cider or eaten the flowers, the plates of food are still perfectly arranged... Most importantly, the candles haven't set fire to the straw.

Their date can go ahead. If he likes it. Does he like it? Will he like it? Why isn't he saying anything? Is he just being his usual goofy self, or did he have something more formal in mind, more romantic? Was this a stupid idea? She only wanted to do something nice and romantic for him, to show him how much she loves him, even if it's just proving she's capable of being just as corny as he can be.

She looks around, and almost laughs; Matt's vacant and uncomprehending expression kind of reminds her of when it's time to feed the sheep. It's cute, but she'd best not tell him that's what she was thinking; it would probably be taken the wrong way. Time to take the lead and snap him out of it.

"Well?", she asks, trying her best seductive drawl, hoping her nerves don't show through it and bring everything crashing down. "Are ya comin', human, or not?"

Matt hears a noise from Twilight's study, which snaps him out of his reverie. He's about to get up and investigate, but as he opens his bedroom door, he hears Spike leading the half-asleep unicorn to bed.

"Okay, Twilight, that's enough studying for one night. You'll wake up Matt."

"Hrmurble ruby magic mrumble spell brmbrble amethyst in the potion?"

"That's right. Now, into bed you go. Goodnight."

Matt closes the door again and climbs back into his own bed. He still can't sleep. He's still fired up thinking about earlier in the evening.

Everything is different here. If he was back in New York, he'd be able to call Applejack on the phone, or at least send her a text so she wouldn't be woken up at 4am, or whatever time it was. Actually, if he had a phone, he'd be able to check what time it was, and probably decide not to try and call. Actually, if he was back in New York, a lot of people would still be making noise outside at 4am, and also he wouldn't have met Applejack, and he'd have to get up for work in the morning, in a video game store that smelled less of fresh-cut grass and apples, and more of BO and disappointment.

He lost his train of thought for a moment there. Maybe he's getting sleepy after all. Can't stay up all night, want to be bright and fresh for Applejack tomorrow. Mustn't be late, or turn up groggy and rambling. He's sure nopony has ever seen Applejack staggering around half-asleep, bumping into things.

One thing hasn't changed, and that's his still being somewhat prone to screwing up.

"Ah wouldn't do this for just anypony, y'know?" She gives him a smile as wide as a mile. Matt feels his heart skip. Even in the fading light of the sunset, in the dim candlelight of the empty barn, she looks beautiful.

Matt realises he's staring, and decides to try and cut the tension. "I bet you say that to all the stallions", he jokes, but this time Applejack doesn't return his smile.

Quickly, he tries to recover. "I'm sorry", he blurts out, "that's just an expression from back on Earth, it's meant to be a... sort of... joke... but..."

His voice tails off in the darkness. There's an uncomfortably long pause. It's getting noticeably darker outside, so that Matt now can't see her expression so clearly when she leans away from the candles.

"Ah know there weren't no malice in it, Matt. Ah know you better'n that."

She doesn't sound angry, at least. That's something.

"Ah just needed a moment, is all. See, ah never really told you about mah... relationships in the past, and fer good reason. Ah reckon the past is somepony's private business, and furthermore ah reckon y'all could do without hearin' the details of what ah did before ah met you."

"AJ, look, I promise I didn't mean - "

"Let me finish up", she says, quietly. She's still calm, not scolding, not upset.

"Ah have no secrets to keep, but ah don't intend to think about anythin' that happened 'fore now. I may have gotten a tad personal at the dance after all that cider, but it might surprise y'all to know ah try to keep mah, um... romantic life a bit of a secret, even from mah friends, even from mah family."

Applejack isn't just talking to Matt now, she's letting things out which have been locked away for a long time. It's a blessed relief.

"Just because ah'm supposed to be the Element of Honesty, that don't mean everypony gets to read me like an open book. We Apples don't usually go blabbin' to all an' sundry 'bout our private lives. An' so, there's all kinds of things in mah past that nopony knows about, because ah never felt like they needed to know... ah never felt like they needed the burden of knowin'. But you, Matt, you're different, and ah don't wanna have no secrets from you. So if ah haven't told you somethin'... I mean, ah'm happy to answer any an' all questions you got, but..."

Matt reaches out and finds her hoof, and gently draws her towards him, her face illuminated again as the moonlight and candlelight glow around her. She's smiling.

"It's just... Ah don't go doin' this kinda thing for anypony - any stallion. Ah never doodled on mah schoolbooks about who I had a crush on, or headed on over to the spa to gossip about good-lookin' colts with Rarity or whoever else. And now, you got me bouncin' around like a filly. It ain't like me."

She thinks to herself for a moment, and puts a hoof to her chin as she raises her eyebrows and scrunches up her face. It is possibly the most adorable face Matt has ever seen her make."

"Hmmm. Or, ah don't know, maybe this is the real me, the real Applejack. Point of fact, ah never really felt this way 'bout anypony before. An' ah reckon... Ah reckon it's the same for you too, Matt, ain't it? Ah can feel it when we're together, when you look at me, when..."

She looks down at his hand on her hoof.

"...When you touch me. When ah touch you. Ah just feel... safe, ah guess."

"Safe", Matt repeats, mesmerised by her. He doesn't let go of her hoof. "I guess there was a time when... I mean, if a pretty girl said I made her feel safe, I'd be a little disappointed."

"A pretty girl," Applejack repeats. "Ain't been called that in a while. Don't mind hearin' it now, neither."

Now it's his turn to gently hush her, with a finger to her lips.

"But with you? Safe is beautiful. Whenever we're together I just feel like this is right, you know? Like..."

He grimaces at how cheesy he's about to sound, but hey, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

"Like this is meant to be. Like this is where I'm meant to be. Applejack, I don't care about the past. I care about us, here, now."

She rolls her eyes in mock disgust at his corny romance talk, but her smile lets him know she appreciates the sentiment all the same.

Again, he feels the need to keep talking to fill up the silence. "I mean, here we are, alone, and it's... I just... You're... We..."

She chuckles quietly to herself. This human is undeniably sweet, but it's also funny to see how easily he turns into a rambling dork when they're alone together. It's kind of adorable, actually. Soon enough, he'll learn that he doesn't need to worry about scaring her away, that he can be himself completely, that she likes him for him. Even when he keeps talking.

Applejack wakes up unexpectedly. At first, she worries there's another storm outside, and her first instinct is to run and check Apple Bloom is safe, and then she worries about Matt not staying put inside his lightning-rod protected tree. She's already reaching for her hat and bands when her brain takes over from the adrenaline rush, and she realises there is no storm, it's a peaceful, cloudy night. She looks around her room, quickly adjusting to the dim light; a breeze from the open window has knocked one of her lasso ropes to the floor.

She yawns, relieved, and lies back down. It's not time to get up yet. She'll pick that up later... in the morning...

She snuggles down into her pillow, and tucks the blankets over her again.

...tidy up and wash up... in the morning... before she sees Matt...

She's asleep once more. Whether it's Luna's doing or just her own imagination putting in a double shift, Applejack is back to dreaming about their date again.

He's still talking.

"So, AJ. I know you said the main reason you liked me was because I was nice to you, made you feel special, but..."

She interrupts him with another little giggle.

"Matt..."

He stops talking.

"There's more to it than you just bein' nice to me. You get that, right? I mean... OK, that's how ah figured out you might be... interested, sure, but it ain't just that. You're kind to everypony. You're funny. You're sweet. And it's cute when you go all kinda dorky on me when you worry ah don't get you, like what you're doin' right now."

Matt is glad she can't really see him blush in the semi-darkness.

"You're honest, which is kind of a big deal to me, what with mah Element an' all", she continues. Both her hooves are holding both of his hands now. "And ah don't mind admittin' it, ah think you're attractive. Ah never woulda figured I'd be thinkin' of anypony - anyONE - in that kinda way, other than a stallion, but, well... Ah guess you sorta feel likewise? What with mah bein' a pony, an' all, instead of a..."

She pauses, with a raised eyebrow and a quizzical look on her face. "...What d'yer even call the female of humankind, anyways? If'n it's not an insulting kinda question."

Matt breaks into a hearty laugh. He loves this girl; she's taken the conversation out of some murky waters and back to the two of them just being happy in each other's presence, and she probably did it without trying, without even having to think about it.

"AJ, I think I'm the only one who needs to worry about saying stupid things in this relationship," he says as he composes himself. "You're fine just as you are. And we say 'woman'. I sometimes have to stop myself saying it when I'm talking about ponies here. Especially the one I'm crazy about."

Applejack gives him a giggle of her own. "Crazy is right, ah reckon", she says. "Ah spent this morning thinkin' too much about, well, us. What are we doin'? What am I doin'? But, bein' honest - which, as ah said, is kinda mah thing, right? - bein' honest, it don't bother me none at all."

At some point, she's moved around the table to sit next to Matt, and now they're looking at each other in the candlelight.

"Ah just wanna be with you, Matt. Ah don't care for usin' all kinds of fancy explanations as to why our bein' together is happenin'. Ah'm just mighty glad it's happenin'. Every morning, when ah get out of bed, ah think about the chores ah got lined up today, and just knowin' ah'm gonna be seein' you... You're the best part of mah day."

Everypony is asleep at Sweet Apple Acres, and Applejack is having the nicest dream of the whole group.

If Applejack were awake, she'd be thinking about how the evening ended; well, not so much the very end, as Luna has already been treated to a re-enactment of that. Rather, the conversation she and Matt had had as the stars came out.

She'd never admit it to anypony else, but she often felt the pressure to be strong and stoic, like her brother, or fiercely independent, like her granny and her little sister. If she wasn't quite as laconic as Big Mac, and her temper was rather quicker to flare up, she still avoided talking about her feelings, and especially her insecurities.

Until now, that is.

Matt, giant goofball that he is, had blurted out some more nonsense reasons as to why he was scared he wasn't good enough for her. Applejack, giant goofball that she could be, found this astonishing, and instead of comforting him, she'd blurted out her own reasons as to why she was scared she wasn't good enough for him.

More than anything else, that conversation had confirmed in her mind that he, this creature, this human, was the one. The One.

Applejack rolls over in her sleep, and lets out a contented whinny.

"Ah still can't rightly believe ah up and lied to Granny like that. Right to her face. If ah wasn't certain ah'd be puttin' it right straight away, if ah didn't know for absolute certain it was only a little white lie, that nopony would be hurt, that it was just fer us..."

Matt is about to say something; it had taken him completely by surprise as well, and the very notion of Applejack lying had left him somewhat confused; of course, a lot of that confusion had dissipated as soon as AJ slipped her foreleg into his arm, as indeed had most of his other thoughts. Still, AJ feels the need to clarify what she means.

"Y'see, Matt... Ah never mended Twilight's book bag. Ah never even saw it was broken. Ah made up that story."

Matt tries not to laugh, because that was obviously a big deal for Applejack to admit she broke one of the central pillars of her character, and for the sake of their relationship. But still, it was a terrible lie, and the way Applejack had said it, standing up and the dinner table and announcing she needed to go to Ponyville, had been staggeringly obvious. If Granny Smith hadn't bought it, though, she'd done a good job of not letting on.

"Don't worry, AJ," he says, as calmly as he can manage. "I'm sure Granny won't mind as soon as she finds out the real reason. And, like you said, nobody will get hurt."

He holds her close.

"And for whatever it's worth, whilst I don't want you going and betraying your strongest beliefs on my account, I'm glad you did it this time. This is just... I can't imagine a better first date. And I was definitely surprised. In a good way."

She rests her head on his shoulder. "Ah am glad you like it. And ah'm glad you understand."

"It's the best gift you could have given me. And I promise, no more lies, no more sneaking around. If I'm going to be the coltfriend of the Element of Honesty, and the eldest daughter of the Apple family, I'm going to do my best to live up to your standards."

He tails off at that last word, and Applejack senses him noticeably tightening up.

"What's wrong, sugarcube?"

"...Do you mind that Celestia didn't change me into a pony?"

She sits up in surprise. "What? Where's this comin' from?"

"I was just wondering," he asks, clearly nervous again. "Do you regret the decision, not to change me?"

"It was mah choice, weren't it? Sure, ah would have respected you if you'd said no, but ah like you this way. More'n ever, if you want the truth of it."

"I know, it's just... I worry for you. If you'll get... well... don't laugh..."

She wouldn't dream of it. "What is it, Matt?"

"If you'll get bored, or fed up, of what ponies will say about us, and want to go back to, well, ponies."

Applejack laughs, and then quickly remembers Matt asked her not to. Before he can get uncomfortable, she pulls him into an even tighter hug.

"Matthew Williams, you listen here," she says, still laughing. "Ah don't give a rotten apple what other ponies might say. Ah know how ah feel about you. Ah like you for you, pure an' simple. And when ah say you make me feel special, it ain't just because you act nice to me, and it ain't because you're the only human in this world and ya chose me. Though that's nice, don't get me wrong. But you make me feel special because you appreciate me for bein' me."

Matt hasn't loosened his grip on her, but somehow, she feels the warmth radiating out of him at her words. She can't believe he's got it this bad, just for her.

"D'you know why ah laughed just now?", she asks, still resting on his shoulder. "Ah weren't laughin' at you, Matt. Ah laughed because ah was havin' the same kinds of worries and fusses and all. You worry ah'm gonna think you ain't good enough for me someday? Ah worry you'll think I ain't good enough for you, sugarcube."

"What are you talking about, Applejack? You're... There's not... I can't even."

"Ah can play the society pony, as you saw. But ah hate that stuff. Ah prefer gettin' dirty, workin' up a sweat after a long day's work in the fields. Bein' a farmer... it's not just mah job, Matt. It's mah destiny."

She pulls away, and points to the three red apples on her flank, before continuing.

"But it ain't yours, Matt. There are ponies all over Equestria whose life dreams and destinies don't got anythin' to do with buckin' apples, or tillin' fields, or feedin' pigs. Aren't you apt to get bored of this life you weren't born to? Don't you see ah worry your head might be turned by some of them other ponies, who don't just kick apples off a tree? Ponies who are more refined...? Prettier? Cleverer?"

Matt is silent for a moment, and then he smiles.

"Applejack", he says softly. "Those other ponies? Prettier? Cleverer? Than you? They don't exist. I only wish you could see yourself the way I see you."

"Ah wish the same thing," she says, softly.

Matt and Applejack look into each other's eyes for a moment, the candlelight flickering on the walls. Neither of them says it, but both of them feel it; their insecurities have all but melted away in the face of their beloved looking longingly back at them.

She loves him so much.

He loves her so much.

The electricity in the air, the tension that's been building up all through their date, suddenly sparks to life.

They grab on to each other for a frenzied, passionate kiss, hands and hooves and tail and legs everywhere. But this time, instead of diving into the nearest pile of hay or tackling each other to the floor, things slow down, becoming softer, more tender, the kisses longer and more considered, the touching less urgent. Their breathing is heavy as they hold each other, listening to their thundering heartbeats above the roar of blood in their ears.

They lie against the barn wall in a comfortable embrace. Neither of them has to say it; nothing more is going to happen for the moment. It's dark outside now, and pretty soon the other Apples will be wondering where AJ is. But there's no disappointment. They have all the time in the world. Together.

After a long pause, Matt once again decides to break the tension. "Probably best if we don't start rolling around by a naked flame in a pile of hay in a wooden barn," he jokes. This time, Applejack joins in too, giving that droll Southern chuckle as she gently wipes Matt's brow with her hoof.

"Ah reckon you're right on that score, sugarcube," she laughs. "And besides, ah spent all afternoon makin' this food, an' here we are just talkin' and kissin' and lettin' it all go cold."

Matt holds her close and kisses her forehead.

"Ah may be in love, but ah was always taught never to waste good eating", she says.

Matt is momentarily thrown off guard by her comment. She's in love. She's said it before, of course, but not just dropping it off-handedly into the conversation like that. Does she even know what she just said?

She's smiling at him. He's learning the difference between her many smiles. This one is one of his favourites, a playful smirk with a gleam in her eye beyond the candlelight; she's in on a joke, and she's waiting for him to catch up. Oh yeah, she knows exactly what she said alright.

"I love you too, Applejack", he says. She smiles, and pushes an apple fritter into his mouth.

"Ah know, Matt. Ah know."

Matt's thoughts are getting fuzzier and hazier as he starts to succumb to the need for sleep. He thinks back to when he asked for her thoughts on where the relationship was going. He's not thinking about how Applejack dealt with his worries, exactly, but more about how he felt comfortable enough to voice them to her in the first place.

She's amazing, he thinks, as his eyelids start to droop. I'm the luckiest man in the world. Well, I'm the only man in this world, but... wow.

Only one guttering candle remains alight. The food is all gone, the soft cider has been drunk, and Applejack and Matt are cuddled up in a corner of the barn, pleasantly full. As is becoming habit, AJ is resting on Matt's chest. As is becoming habit, Matt is stroking her coat, and his fingers keep making their way to a little fluff of fur just below AJ's neck.

"You really like playin' with that bit of fluff, huh, don't you?", she asks, teasingly, without looking up. "Ah never can get it to stay down with the rest of mah coat. Whatever ah do, it don't matter none, it always just kinda... poofs up again. Ah've tried brushin' it, trimmin' it, even borrowed some of Big Mac's pomade one time... never makes no difference."

"Well, I'm glad," he replies. "I think it's beautiful. Sue me, I think you're beautiful," he replies.

"Oh, no, how terrible," she giggles. "Well, ah don't mind you likin' it. When you run your fingers through mah coat, or over mah cutie mark, or, yes, when yer playin' with that fluff there, it's like nothin' ah've ever felt before."

She looks up at him now.

"Yes, ah've had coltfriends in the past," she says, looking at him earnestly. She's letting him know she's okay with talking about this now. She's the one who brought it up, not him. "...But none of 'em had fingers."

Matt laughs. "I thought you were going to say something cheesy and romantic, there, like I would have done."

Applejack is laughing too. "Like what, sugarcube? 'Oh, Matt, you're the only one in all of Equestria who can make me feel like ah do right now'? Nope. Ah mean, sure, that's true..."

She's climbed up on top of him now.

"...But naw, mostly, it's all about the hands."

She leans in for a kiss, and Matt is happy to oblige.

"So what did ya think of our first proper date, Mr Williams?", she asks coyly as they break the kiss. "Was ah worth waitin' for?" She kisses his neck. "Or do ya not want to judge until the date is officially over, huh?"

She whispers in his ear. "If you ain't had yer fill of apple pie for one night, that is."

Matt blows out the candle.

All is quiet in Ponyville, and Matt is finally, finally drifting off to sleep. As he closes his eyes once and for all, and the bed melts and the room starts to dissolve, he's blissfully happy. Still, one lingering question floats around just before disappearing down the whirlpool of his thoughts.

How?

His fuzzy mind tries, and fails, to grasp the thread of his question, but fragments of ideas loom and retreat. AJ has very little time to herself, which was the whole problem in the first place. And Matt was with her most of the day Saturday, less the time she spent baking in the kitchen ready for market. And when they got to the barn, the table was already laid, and the candles were already lit.

How did Applejack put this togethzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?

"Thanks fer seein' me," says Applejack, nervously. "Ah hope you know, ah would never normally bother you over somethin' so personal, but ah need your help."

The guard ponies are doing their best not to eavesdrop, but they can't help glancing at each other, wondering at the farmpony's lack of deference. Beyond a simple bow and a doffing of her stetson when she came in, Applejack hasn't shown any of the usual formal etiquette.

They needn't have worried.

"Of course, Applejack. As soon as I received your letter, I was happy to help. In fact, I am honoured you came to me."

Princess Celestia smiles good-naturedly, and motions for Applejack to take a seat.

"Now, before we make any plans, I would like to hear your thoughts on a few ideas of my own. But first, my dear, let me offer you some tea."

AB Positive

Sunday morning, and Applejack sleeps late. She sleeps right through the cock's crow, she sleeps through breakfast, she sleeps through until gone ten o'clock. It's not like her at all, her family think; of course, they don't know she was up late having her very first "real" date, with her secret human coltfriend.

When Applejack wakes up, she looks over at her clock, yawns, stretches, and then looks at her clock again in panicked disbelief.

"Past ten? How in Equestria... Oh mah gosh," she says to nopony in particular as she tumbles out of bed and grabs her hat and hair bands. "Ah'm gonna be in some trouble for this, Sunday or no Sunday."

She hastily brushes out her mane and tail, and pulls on her hat as she vaults through the bedroom door and gallops down the stairs towards the kitchen.

"Granny, ah am so sorry ah overslept...", she begins to apologise. "Ah never meant to miss breakfast, ah just..."

She gradually comes to a stop, as she realises the kitchen is almost empty. Apple Bloom sits at the table, writing in a journal with a pencil in her mouth.

"Uh... where is everypony, sugarcube?", asks Applejack, confused. "Ah overslept."

Apple Bloom looks up at her sister. "Ganny di'h wa'u way oo", she says, and then spits out her pencil. "Oh my, 'scuse me. Sorry, Applejack. Ah meant to say... Granny didn't want us to wake you".

Applejack looks confused. Granny Smith is never cruel, and has been known to turn a blind eye to the younger Apples having the occasional lazy Sunday... but she's also very strict, and AJ can't think off-hoof of another time Granny has ever left the farmstead and told her siblings not to wake her up.

Apple Bloom notes AJ's puzzled expression. "She got a letter this mornin' from our cousin Key Lime," she continues, by way of explanation. "Sayin' he's in Canterlot for a couple days, and askin' if Granny wanted to go get a bite to eat. Ah wanted to let you know first, but she wouldn't hear of it. She pretty much went runnin' to the station, or at least she was trottin' real fast with her walkin' frame. She told me and Mac not to wake you."

Apple Bloom paused, her own face now scrunched up in confusion as she thinks things over. "I know it's a long time since any of us has seen Key Lime and all, but... Huh. Don't think ah've ever seen her that excited over seein' one of our cousins."

Applejack scratches her head in confusion. "So... ah suppose... we ain't gonna be havin' dinner today, then?", she asks, as nonchalantly as she can.

The question catches Apple Bloom slightly off-guard. "What? Uh, no, ah guess not. What's that got to do with anythin'?"

Busted.

"Uh... nothin'. Nothin' at all."

An uncomfortable pause, as Apple Bloom looks skeptical, and AJ's eyes shift from side to side.

"...Well, ah guess since ah'm up and about now, ah should go check on what Big Mac's doin', and then ah can think about fixin' some brunch. Ya want some pancakes, maybe?"

"Oh! Ah never mentioned!", exclaims Apple Bloom, suddenly excitable again. "Big Macintosh went on over to Twilight's house. Said he had to help her with somethin' at the library. So ah guess it'll just be me and you eatin' today. Unless... is Matt comin' over again later? Be nice to see him."

At the Golden Oak Library, Matthew Williams sits up with a yawn; he stretches, and rubs his bleary eyes. For a moment, he's confused; the light in the room seems all wrong, the noises of the city are conspicuously absent, this bedding is ridiculously comfortable, and is that a tree root growing by the window?

Oh, right, Equestria. He sometimes takes a few seconds to process the massive changes in his life over the past few months. He's not a New York video game store clerk, he's a farmer in a land of kindness, fresh air and colourful talking magic ponies.

He smiles, as his brain fires up.

Equestria. Ponies. Applejack.

He smiles some more, and closes his eyes again as he starts to lie back down.

Applejack!

Matt lurches up, bolt upright, and leaps out of bed. He grabs a T-shirt and underwear from his dresser, and looks around for his shaving cream as he pulls his clothes on. What time is it? Is he late for dinner? The dinner? Where he and Applejack are going to tell the rest of her family about their relationship?

He looks at the clock, hopping as he struggles to get his leg into his pants. It's almost a quarter to eleven. Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit.

He pictures Applejack, wondering where he is, waiting anxiously for him at the farm, her terrified glare as he runs breathlessly up the path, their shambolic, unprepared, unrehearsed announcement, the furious looks on the Apples' faces... All because he couldn't wake up on time.

He can't call ahead and let her know what's going on. All he can do is run over to the farm, right now, as fast as he can, and hope for the best. He throws the shaving cream back on the bed; no time for that now. He flings his door open and runs barefoot into the hallway, still hopping as he fastens up his pants, heading for the bathroom; he needs to brush his teeth and comb his hair as quickly as is humanly possible, find shoes, and get gone.

He's halfway down the corridor when he turns, mid-stride, and then abruptly stops in his tracks.

Matt looks at Big Macintosh, who immediately clocks his half-dressed state.

Matt looks at Twilight Sparkle, who is standing right next to Big Macintosh. Like, right next to him, flank to flank; their manes are tousled, and practically intertwined.

Matt looks back at Big Macintosh, who is just standing there with a slack-jawed expression.

Matt looks at Twilight again, who is blushing furiously.

The silence lasts for a couple of seconds, and then everyone starts talking all at once.

- "So, uh, hey, Matt..."
- "Big Mac here was..."
- "I'm late, I was just..."

Everyone stops to let somepony else speak, and the uncomfortable silence descends again.

Twilight clears her throat. "I, um, needed some help fixing one of the shelves. Big Macintosh here was kind enough to offer to help. I didn't want to bother you."

"Eeyup," agrees Big Mac, trying to play along.

"...Right," says Matt, smirking. "So, I'm kind of thinking out loud here. Just wondering. Do you guys think I'm, like, a complete idiot, or just a bit stupid?"

"Look," says Twilight, dropping the charade. "Big Mac and I... You know what's going on. After I got back from Canterlot... where I was helping the Princesses... you remember? So... yes. We decided to see each other again, and now we've decided to see each other... again. Some more. Again."

"Eeyup," says Big Mac, relieved. He puts a giant hoof around Twilight, stopping her babbling; she looks at him holding her shoulder for a moment, but doesn't move him away.

"Matt," says Twilight, looking right into his eyes, pleading for him to keep quiet about recent events. "Can we trust you to keep quiet about this? Just for the time being, until we're ready to tell everypony?"

Big Mac interjects. "Ah don't wanna keep things secret from mah family, Matt, but... Ah need you to not tell Applejack about this. Ah know you two are real good friends."

Twilight's pleading stare hasn't left Matt's gaze this whole time, and her expression hasn't changed; she didn't visibly flinch when Big Mac spoke about Matt and AJ, but Matt thinks her eyes might have gotten just a tiny bit bigger.

"Of course, you guys," says Matt, snapping himself out of his reverie. "I'd never do anything to mess things up for you, I hope you know that by now. I'm a creature from another world who trips over things a lot, but I'm not an asshole."

"Thank you, Matt," says Twilight, and the look she shares with him underlines just how grateful she is.

Matt smiles, and then remembers why he was running down the corridor barefoot with his pants unbuckled in the first place. "But... Big Mac, if you're here, aren't you going to dinner? Back at Sweet Apple Acres, I mean?"

Big Mac looks at him quizzically.

"...Not that I want to split you guys up or anything," Matt quickly adds, "but, uh, I was rushing because I thought I was late for dinner, and I didn't want to disappoint... uh... Granny Smith."

"Oh!", says Big Mac. "Ah see. No, Granny's gone to Canterlot for the day. She went over to see one of our cousins. Key Lime. Hey, Twilight, ah have to tell you all about the Limes some day, you'll get a real kick out of the story." (She smiles, and nuzzles into his mane.) "...Doubt Granny will be back much before sundown. Ah was, uh, plannin' to stay and grab a bite to eat here, with Twilight."

Matt processes this information. It feels like a golden opportunity to just tell Big Mac and Twilight everything that's going on between him and Applejack, to get the burden off his chest, assuming Twilight hasn't already told Big Mac everything anyway. He mulls the idea over in his mind; he could just be honest, and tell them the whole truth. Or, well, most of it, they don't need to know everything that's gone on, but they can have the edited highlights. It would make everything easier, not having to sneak around, not piling secrets on top of secrets.

But he pictures Applejack, back at the farm with Apple Bloom, waiting to talk to him, waiting for him to arrive so they can make their big announcement together. How would she react, if she found out he'd already gone and told her friend and her brother, without her there? He can't do that to her. He decides to stay quiet.

"Well," he says after a moment, "I suppose I don't need to rush now. But I think I should still head over there. Applejack and Apple Bloom might still be expecting me?"

"Guess so," says Big Mac. "It's mighty decent of you to want to keep them company. You're a good friend, Matt."

Twilight makes a choking sound. "Are you alright, sugar cube?", asks Big Mac, tenderly.

"Just a frog in my throat," stammers Twilight. "Yes, Matt, I think it would be a very nice, friendly gesture to go over and see Big Mac's sisters. And, um..." She raises a surreptitious eyebrow and tilts her head, almost imperceptibly, towards Big Mac.

Matt gets her meaning. "And I can give you guys some space too. Just let me go brush my teeth, and find my boots, and I'll be out of your manes."

"Ah can't believe it," says Applejack. She kicks a pebble in frustration; her powerful kick surprises her, sending the pebble flying across the barnyard and bouncing off the wall with a pronounced crack.

Matt stares at the dent the pebble made in the brickwork, and then shakes his head to focus on his marefriend. "It's not the end of the world, AJ," he reassures her. "We can still tell everypony, it just won't be today."

Applejack snorts, angrily. "Ah'm just so mad at all o' this happenin' today, of all the days. Ah was ready. Ah was gonna tell Granny, say sorry for all the mistrust, make a new beginnin' with the human I love."

Matt smiles at her, as she looks up.

"Mah human," she grins, and Matt's heart bounces around in his chest. If they weren't trying to keep their hands and hooves off of each other in case Apple Bloom was watching, he'd have grabbed her for an epic kiss.

Applejack seems to be thinking the same thing, but it's her turn to shake her head and get back to the business at hoof. "Ah was all fired up ready to spill the beans. Now, we're right back to square one again."

"Not exactly. We did have an amazing first date last night, remember?"

"Ah surely do," she giggles. "OK, maybe we'll call it square two, ah suppose."

"We could tell Apple Bloom? I mean, we can still make our announcement at dinner, just with a smaller audience," he muses.

AJ thinks it over for a moment. "Nope," she says, firmly. "Ah decided we were gonna tell everyone at the same time. Ah can't ask mah little sister to hold on to a secret from Granny and mah brother, just because you and I couldn't keep it to our own selves."

Matt nods in silent agreement. She's right; it wouldn't be fair to dump this on Apple Bloom.

"Well," he says, "I reckon you and me can wait just a little bit longer. We can do it at dinner tomorrow, or something. Whenever you're ready. Like I said, it's not the end of the world."

The royal guards stand down as commanded, and troop from the bedchamber, leaving Princess Celestia at her sister's bedside.

"Do you think it was a prophetic dream, sister?", asks Celestia, tenderly. She softly strokes Luna's brow as her sister's breathing subsides and her heartbeat returns to normal.

"I am not certain", says Princess Luna, still shaky. "I cannot say for sure what I saw, but... I feel the storm is gathering. I fear we will not have much time to complete our preparations."

Princess Celestia thinks silently to herself for a moment, and then clasps Luna's hoof to her chest. "Whatever the threat, we will face it together," she smiles. "Neither of us need confront danger alone any more."

Princess Luna looks up at her sister and gives a weak smile. "I am glad you are here with me, sister," she murmurs, as she drifts back to sleep.

Applejack goes upstairs for a shower, as Matt helps get the table ready for dinner. He smiles at the cupboard, set lower in the wall than he'd find in a human kitchen, as he fetches three big dinner plates. Having lived with Twilight for a little while now, he's getting used to doing things on a pony scale, but the constant reminders of his new world never cease to make him feel glad about where his life has headed of late.

He realises he's standing there with a goofy grin on his face, and turns to carry the plates to the table... almost running smack into Apple Bloom, who's been standing there looking at him.

"Are y'ashamed to be seen with mah sister, or somethin'?", she asks, with a hint of anger.

"What?", asks Matt, as nonchalant as he can muster.

"Ah may be just a kid who hasn't found her cutie mark yet, but ah ain't dumb, Matt."

The echo of what he said to Big Mac and Twilight back at the library that morning would usually have prompted a little inward chuckle from Matt, but he's frozen to the spot right now.

"Ah see the way you look at her. Ah seen you two lookin' at each other, when you think I can't see. Ah saw you comin' down the stairs that day, and ah know the look I saw on your face."

Matt looks at Apple Bloom, her eyebrows locked in a disapproving frown. She looks a lot like her sister when she's angry. She looks way older than the little filly who knocked him over on his first visit to the farm.

"Ah asked you a question a couple weeks ago, Mister Human, and you never did give me an answer. Ah'm gonna ask it again now."

"Shoot", says Matt, finding his voice, taking a deep breath.

"You like her, don't you?"

"I do," says Matt, surprised at how forceful his own voice sounds, unable to stop the words coming out. "I like your sister very much. Apple Bloom, I'm in love with her. I'd do anything for her. She's... She's everything to me."

Apple Bloom's reaction isn't what Matt expected. Well, he isn't quite sure what reaction he expected, but this wasn't it. Instead of continuing with her questions, or congratulating him, or rolling her eyes in disgust, or whatever else she might have done, the filly simply looks at him quizzically for a moment, and then turns around and walks over to the stove.

Matt doesn't move from his spot. He isn't sure whether he's meant to say something else, or wait for Apple Bloom to ask another question, or whether she's doing the stoic Apple thing and pretending this conversation never happened, in which case he should be carrying on with dinner preparations. He's kind of impressed with himself for not dropping the plates.

"So," she says, without turning back to face him. "A human is in love with mah sister, huh?"

A knot forms in Matt's stomach. He'd figured Apple Bloom wouldn't care about the whole species thing; he'd met her plenty of times already, worked alongside her, shared laughs and pastries, been called an honorary part of her family. Did she have a problem with him being human?

"And mah sister is in love with a human", Apple Bloom continues, thoughtfully.

This time, Matt does lose his grip on the plates, but luckily manages to steady himself before they fall.

"She... You know?", says Matt, agape.

"I had mah hunches," she says, finally turning to face him. "Matt, ah ain't gonna pretend you're what ah ever pictured when ah used to dream about the pony Applejack might fall in love with, the pony she might marry -"

There go those plates again. It's all he can do to catch them.

"...Why don't ya put those down on the table?", says Apple Bloom, and her smile takes all the weight off Matt's mind. "Ah know Granny likes you an awful lot, but ah reckon she'd be less happy if she came home to find you'd smashed up her crockery."

Matt smiles, and stacks the plates neatly on the dinner table. Apple Bloom starts up talking again while he's busy putting them down.

"Ah never pictured her very special somepony might not be a pony at all," she says, as she picks up some napkins with her mouth, dropping them neatly on the table. "But ah need to say, Matt, if ah were gonna be able to choose somepony to be mah new brother..."

She looks into his eyes, with a broad smile.

"...Ah reckon ah could never have made a better pick than Applejack has," she says. "Ah've waited so long to see her happy, Matt. Ah've seen her be treated wrong. I may be a filly, but ah knew it was wrong when she'd be cryin' in her room over some dumb stallion."

The glimpse into AJ's unseen past catches Matt off-guard, stinging him. It's not that he minds hearing about her past relationships, but hearing Apple Bloom talk about his marefriend being so hurt... it hurts him too.

"...And then along comes the only human in Equestria, and starts workin' on our farm, and he's real nice, and he's kind, and he's funny, and she's back to her best, back to the Applejack ah know. I can tell, clear as day. She's crazy about you, you know that?"

Matt smiles. "It's mutual", he says.

"Ah figured," says Apple Bloom, with a huge smile. "So, ah guess mah question now is, what are you doin' sneakin' around? Why haven't you told everypony that you've asked her to be your special somepony?" (Her eyes narrow.) "You, uh, have asked her to be your special somepony, right?"

Matt hesitates for a moment, unsure if he should be telling Apple Bloom things she doesn't know for sure. But he looks at the filly's wide, questioning eyes, sees the same rugged determination he sees in AJ when she's not going to let something go. He really likes Apple Bloom, he thinks; more and more these days, he finds himself thinking of her as his surrogate little sister, full of ideas, perceptive way beyond her years, never taking any crap from anypony. He doesn't want her thinking for a second that his feelings for Applejack don't run all the way deep.

He makes a decision.

"Apple Bloom", he says, and again, the clarity of his voice takes him a little by surprise. "I have asked her. And she said yes. I am dating your sister," he states.

"I am... dating... Applejack," he repeats to himself, thinking out loud. "I am in love with Applejack, and we're a couple." He looks at the ceiling, and laughs. "Applejack and I are dating. She's my marefriend, I'm her coltfriend, and I love her more than anything in the world."

He looks up at Apple Bloom, realising he was drifting off course for a moment there.

"She's my special somepony", he says, with a grin.

"Finally", says Apple Bloom, with a mock-irritated roll of her eyes, followed by a huge smile. "Ah was startin' to wonder what was takin' you so long," she smirks. "So, why have you two not told everypony?"

"It's complicated," says Matt. "I didn't know if you suspected, or Big Mac, or Granny, but it wasn't my place to say. You said it yourself just now - why have we two not told everypony? It's not for just me to go around blurting it out. I'm not ashamed, not one bit. But I have to think about how AJ - how Applejack - is..."

"You can call her AJ, ya know," she grins.

"...I'm not a pony. Obviously. And I don't know how other ponies will feel about it if Applejack and I make our feelings public. I don't know what that would do to her personally, to you guys, to the farm, to her friends, to the Elements of Harmony. We've been wanting to tell you this whole time, and it's a great feeling not to have a secret from you any more - but I owe it to Applejack to talk it over first, before the news goes any further."

Apple Bloom nods in agreement. Matt exhales deeply.

He needn't have, because in the next split second, Apple Bloom has burst into tears, leaping into the air and joyfully tackling him with an asphyxiating neck-high hug.

"Ah understand. Ah understand completely", she says between sniffles. "And you don't need to worry about me tellin' anypony. Ah promise. Cross mah heart and hope to fly," she says, as she holds Matt tightly.

"Bloom... Oxygen..." gasps Matt, struggling for breath.

"Oh! Ah am so sorry," she giggles, releasing her grip a little. "Ah forget you ain't built like us ponies. But that's a good thing. Ah don't see you as a pony or as a human, ah see you as Matt. Our Matt," she burbles, happily.

"We were going to make a big announcement at dinner today", chuckles Matt. "But I guess it'll have to wait now. I don't know if AJ will be ready to reschedule it any time soon; I know she got a bit worked up over this plan already."

Matt releases himself from Apple Bloom's tight clinch, as she wipes away snot bubbles with her foreleg. "Ah'll have to wash up again 'fore dinner," she says, looking at her hoof. "What are you gonna do?"

"About washing up for dinner?"

"No, silly," she says, with a roll of her eyes. "Ah mean, what are you two gonna do? You can't just pretend this ain't a thing."

"It doesn't matter," says Matt. He braces himself for how cheesy he's about to sound. (That happens a lot these days.) "As long as I'm with Applejack, every day is an adventure."

Apple Bloom gives him a look, as if to say: really?

Matt glances at her with a smirk, and then purposefully ignores her expression. "I'll just take it at her pace, and when she's ready, we can tell everypony".

There's another pause, as Apple Bloom puts her hoof to her chin in thought.

"No," she says, loudly, firmly, catching Matt off guard. "No, that ain't right. You two deserve to be together. Ah don't believe anypony will give you both a hard time just on account of bein' human. And ah feel kinda bad for you both thinkin' that way, not bein' able to tell me and Big Mac and Granny about how you were really feelin', on account of some fears y'all don't ever need to have been holdin'," she says, looking Matt straight in the eye.

Matt is too stunned by her unexpected maturity to reply, so he just nods.

"So, ah tell you what," she says, stamping her hoof on the floorboards. "Ah'm gonna talk to Applejack. Ah'm gonna sit her down 'fore we turn in tonight, and just... have a talk with her. Sister to sister. Ah'm gonna tell her what I already know, and ah'm gonna tell her it's OK. And we're gonna make sure we tell the family. All of us together.

Matt kneels down and takes the filly's hoof in his hands. "I'm glad you're on my side, Apple Bloom," he jokes, and then adopts a more serious expression. "I never had a little sister, but if I had to choose..."

Apple Bloom laughs. "Thanks, Matt. I'm awful glad we had this talk."

She fixes him with a determined look. "An' I'm gonna help make this right. Ah'm gonna fix it, Matt."

The sound of Applejack's hooves on the stair breaks the moment, and they resume setting up for dinner.

"Oops," says Apple Bloom; "ah almost forgot. Best wash up now. An' you might have to go clean up too. Ah think I got snot on your shirt there."

A Second "First Date"

"...And so, you just up 'n asked him straight, huh? Ah mean... I gotta say, that's somethin' ah never expected."

It's getting late, and the Sweet Apple Acres farmhouse timbers creak with the warm evening breeze. Princess Luna has long since raised the moon, and the Apple family's chores are done for another day; the animals have all been fed and brought in for the night, the plows and carts have been safely stowed, and a tired Big Macintosh has already turned in, the sound of his loud snoring reverberating through the corridors.

Up in Applejack's bedroom, AJ and her sister are chatting with one another while getting ready for bed. Apple Bloom used to do this all the time when she was a little filly, but these late night conversations have been getting less and less frequent as she grows up, especially since Applejack became a national heroine.

Now, she sits on a stool at AJ's dressing table (the Apples all refused to call it a "vanity", surely the least appropriate word for anyone in the family), looking at her own face in the mirror, while Applejack stands behind, brushing out her sister's mane with her forehoof and untying Apple Bloom's ribbon bow with her mouth.

"Ah'm just so happy for the two of you!", Apple Bloom exclaims, still giddy with excitement. Behind her, an undeniable blush spreads across Applejack's face, clearly visible in the mirror. Apple Bloom glances up at her big sister's reflection. making eye contact in the glass, and continues.

"Ah know it weren't rightly mah place," she stammers, and checks Applejack's reflection for signs of anger. None so far.

"...Ah wasn't gonna say nothin' at all," Apple Bloom continues. "But then... ah saw him alone in the kitchen, and ah just had to ask him what was goin' on. Ah was angry, on account of maybe he was just ashamed to let anypony know you two were seein' one another."

Applejack gives an annoyed snort, and Apple Bloom winces slightly as her sister drags the brush through her mane a little more forcefully than is strictly necessary.

"No, no, sis, ah already told you, it ain't like that. Ah asked him what was goin' on, seein' if he'd give me some answers. Ah won't let anypony hurt mah big sister..."

Another glance up at the mirror. Applejack is smiling.

"An' so, ah spoke up. Now, he was a little shy at first, 'cos he didn't want to say it all without you there, but finally he admitted it. You two... are in love."

Applejack has stopped brushing again, and instead she's just staring into space with a big goofy smile. Apple Bloom smiles too, and this goes on for a moment before Applejack snaps back to reality.

"...That we are, sugar cube," she mutters dreamily. "Ah'm glad I don't have to keep it a secret, especially around you."

"So," says Apple Bloom, taking the untied bow ribbon and folding it up ready for tomorrow. "What are you gonna do now?"

"We gotta tell Granny. It ain't right her not knowing what's goin' on under her own roof. Big Mac, too."

Applejack pauses, and chews on her own mane for a moment, deep in thought. Apple Bloom knows she shouldn't interrupt, but her restless Crusader curiosity and manic energy are too strong tonight. "What'cha thinkin' on, sis? You know you can tell me, right?"

Applejack smiles as she snaps out of her reverie. "Ah'm pretty sure it'll be OK when Granny and Big Mac find out the truth. Ah ain't worried about Matt not being a stallion, ah reckon they hold him in a certain regard. An' as for the whole species thing... Ah don't believe that neither of 'em will be concerned about that."

"Ah know it!", exclaims Apple Bloom with a huge grin. "But... if your worries ain't about that, then what's on your mind?"

"You already said it, sugar cube. Ah'm in love with him. I've had coltfriends in the past, o'course, introduced 'em to y' all just so, even when ah knew you wouldn't approve."

Apple Bloom tries not to giggle, but an amused whicker escapes as she remembers some of the colts her big sister brought home in the past.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, young'un", snorts Applejack, rolling her eyes. "Hindsight is easy. Just you wait until you get all the boys linin' up to take you to prom."

She playfully punches her sister on the shoulder, and Apple Bloom sticks her tongue out in mock annoyance as Applejack continues her explanation.

"Mah point is, ah never had no hesitation introducin' some of them guys to y'all. But it ain't like that this time. Not because he ain't a pony. It ain't his hands that make Matt different from those dumb-ass stallions ah dated prior. It's more like..."

Another pause. This time, Apple Bloom doesn't interrupt.

"...Ah'm scared of messing up, Apple Bloom. I ain't never felt like this over nopony. 'Specially not a friend of the family. Ah want to tell everypony in Equestria how much I love him, end all the secrets... but at the same time, there's a part o' me that knows everything is gonna change once I do. That part doesn't want to go all in, risk it all, in case somethin' goes sour."

Apple Bloom nods, and then gives another huge, beaming smile. "But, AJ," she says, reassuringly; "...Ah think you already know it ain't gonna go sour, don'tcha?"

Applejack smiles. "When did mah little sister get so smart?", she chuckles.

Apple Bloom jumps up in excitement, knocking the hairbrush to the floor. "Ooh! Ooh! Maybe ah can get mah cutie mark for givin' advice!" She spins around, trying to look at her own flank. "Huh. Nothin' yet," she frowns, looking downcast for a moment, before her trademark energy returns. "But, hey, it's a good idea, right? Right?"

"Ah think it's maybe a good time to go to bed and get some sleep," says Applejack. "We can make plans for makin' announcements and gettin' cutie marks in the morning. Right now, ah could use some peace and quiet to quiet down all these thoughts in mah head."

Just like every day, after a long shift of hauling bushels of apples and fetching barrels of water, Matthew Williams and the Apple family trudge back to the farmhouse, tired and dirty, off to clean up ready for dinner. Just like every day, Matt and Big Macintosh head off one way, and the ladies head off the other way.

Unlike every other day, when Matt heads for the shower stall to wash up and change his clothes, Big Mac isn't there. As he puts on a clean shirt, he wonders what's going on; the Apples are (quite literally) creatures of habit, and if there was going to be a change of routine, surely somepony would have mentioned it before now? Mind, everypony had been pretty quiet today. Normally you couldn't stop Apple Bloom from chattering on as she pitched in with her after-school chores, but today she'd seemed a bit lost in her thoughts.

He wishes Applejack was here with him; not only would she help him figure out what was happening, she'd also be a lot of fun just to hang around. No chance of that for the moment, though; there were a whole bunch of unwritten, unspoken rules in Granny Smith's house, and one of them was that the mares and the stallions washed up separately for dinner. Fraternising was definitely frowned upon, and not only because he was a human rather than a pony; this was just the way things were done in AJ's family, and he respected that.

Still wish she was here, though, he thinks as he pulls on his boots. He pushes the thoughts of sharing the shower stall with AJ out of his head, and instead thinks to himself that it won't be long, that they're going to tell Granny Smith and Big Mac soon - tell them they're in love, at least, while keeping some of the more intimate details to themselves.

Not long now. Apple Bloom promised she'd help take the lead, didn't she? I wonder if she's got a plan, and...

Matt's blood suddenly turns to ice, as everything suddenly falls into place.

Oh, shit.

Apple Bloom is telling the rest of the family right now. Right to their faces. To Granny, with her withering stare. To Big Mac, with his sixteen hundred pounds of disapproving workhorse. With poor Applejack right there, and facing this alone. And here he is, too far away to help.

Oh, shit.

Matt practically runs from the barn to the farmhouse, buttoning his shirt on the way.

Through the window, Applejack sees Matt approaching. She's already realised she can't give him any kind of warning, much less an apology, for her sister blurting everything out right there; luckily, from the way he's running, she reckons he's figured it out for himself anyway.

Pride flashes within her. Mah human can be smart, she thinks to herself with a private smile.

Matt slows down to catch his breath as he approaches the door. He sees AJ through the window, and they share a look, confirming everything to each other.

"Are ya comin' to sit down, Applejack?", asks Granny, except she's not really asking, so much as telling.

Applejack breathes in and out, deeply, as Matt climbs the porch steps.

Showtime.

"So, Applejack, you sit yerself right down... there, like so," motions Granny, with a wave of her hoof, as she leans back in her chair.

AJ and Matt share a wordless glance, the cowpony's green eyes wide with panic and apology, before she does as she was told.

"And you, Matt, you sit yerself down... there. Next to Applejack. Uh-huh, like that. Don't be gettin' too close to one another, now."

He doesn't even think about answering back; he just meekly complies, with a terrified "Yes ma'am," sitting on the chair next to Applejack.

Matt wants, desperately, to hold Applejack's hoof, to look her in the eye, to let her know everything's going to be fine. Truth is, though, he doesn't know if everything will be fine, his previous self-confidence having evaporated under Granny's maddeningly non-committal stare, hearing Big Mac's louder-than-usual snorts, seeing Applejack unexpectedly rattled. With all of that pumping around his head with every thudding heartbeat, he finds himself unable to do anything but keep his hands to himself and his eyes down on the table, glancing up every now and again to find Granny Smith staring right at him... staring right through him.

It feels like an eternity passes while Big Mac and Apple Bloom take their own seats on Granny's side of the table. Matt's mind briefly flashes back to his one and only stint doing jury duty.

After a couple of interminable days of sitting around doing old crossword puzzles and getting backache in a waiting room that smelled of stale sweat and failure, he'd finally been assigned to a robbery case; some guy stood accused of holding up a gas station, and was now wasting everyone's time pretending it was a case of mistaken identity. He remembered how small the accused had looked there in the courtroom, the eyes of Matt and his eleven peers boring through him, everything seemingly stacked against him, the judge scowling, the prosecutor confident, even the public defender half-hearted, as the perp's unmistakeable face stared back down at him from a huge enlargement of a frame from the CCTV camera.

Guilty. Easy as pie.

This reminded him an awful lot of that day, except now he was the one shrinking into his shadow as the jury leaned forward in disdain, feeling as though they were picking over every single thread of his clothes, every hair on his head, judging his guilt, while somehow a giant picture of him and Applejack rolling around in the orchard stood on an easel, their features magnified and blown up to many times their normal size, black and white and splotchy and wholly undeniable... and he knew the game was up, as Granny would give a sadistic smile, lick her lips, bang her gavel, and sentence him to... well, he didn't know what, but it couldn't be anything good...

"So," said Granny, snapping him out of his daydream. No jury, no evidence, but the terrifying bench still sat in judgement.

"I hear tell, young'uns, that the two of you ain't been wholly truthful with me of late, huh?"

Matt tried to form his mouth into a shape ready for speaking, only to hear Applejack murmur beside him. "No, ma'am... we haven't."

"Hmm", says Granny. Another long pause. "And so I guess you have something to tell me now then, do ya?"

This time, while Applejack seems to be steeling herself, Matt finds his voice. Perhaps he was emboldened by his earlier experience telling all to Apple Bloom. Perhaps he was overcome with wanting to spare AJ the worst of what had to be one of the most embarrassing moments of her life. Perhaps he'd just cobbled together a bunch of ideas about what he'd do if this was all happening on Earth, about what a conservative, old-fashioned matriarch like Granny might want to see from a boy courting her granddaughter. Whatever prompted it, he stood up in his chair, blood rushing through his head, a tiny voice in the back of his mind yelling shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up over and over again, as Granny and Big Mac and Apple Bloom widened their eyes in amazement.

"Ma'am," he began, polite and contrite. "I should apologise to you all. You deserve to know the truth. Granny... Big Mac... Applejack and I are in love."

For the first time, he looks down into AJ's eyes, deliberately not looking to see what Granny's reaction was.

"The truth is... I've been in this world a few months now, and it would have been easy to be lost, to lose myself, to completely freak out. But I haven't, and Applejack is the main reason for that. She's kept me anchored, she's given me a place in the world. And a few days ago, I asked her to be my special somepony."

He takes a moment to gather his thoughts. He closes his eyes as he turns back towards Granny and Big Mac. Part of him wishes he was wearing his hat, just so he could respectfully take it off.

"I know that was wrong, and that I should have asked you first... I'm still learning the pony way of things. You've been so good to me, taking me in, treating me like part of the family... the last thing I ever wanted was to go behind anyone, uh, anypony's back. And so I'm going to try and do this right..."

He opens his eyes. As he suspected, Granny and Big Mac (and Apple Bloom, come to that) are all staring at him, slack-jawed but otherwise unreadable.

"This was all my fault, Applejack would have said something a few days ago, but I persuaded her not to. And then we were planning to talk to you on Sunday, but then we didn't end up having dinner, and..."

He tails off for a moment. Luckily, AJ is there to pick up the slack.

"Ah know it was wrong not to say nothin', but it was just hard for both of us. Ah never thought about this ever happenin', fallin' for somepony who... uh, ain't... a pony."

She looks at Matt, and puts a hoof on his side, pulling him back down to his seat.

"But, ah hafta say somethin' in his defense too."

Matt turns to look at her. What's she doing?

"Ah know however weird this is for me, and for you - and ah well know it ain't exactly normal for any of us ponies here - ah knew it were fifteen times weirder for Matt. An' he's been dealin' with it all in his stride, just like a real cowpony should. Ah can't find no fault in him for not comin' right up and tellin' you straight away when he started to have feelings for me."

Matt smiles at her. She didn't need to say any of that, but he's grateful all the same, not that he has any idea whether it's making things better or worse with her family across the table. Apparently, she's not done yet.

"Ah dated some real dumb ponies in the past, ponies with a heck of a lot less respect for the farm, the land, our traditions, our ways - an' you sat down an' broke bread with them just like they was already family. Ah'm tellin' y'all right now, Matt deserves more respect than any o' them foals I brought home before..."

How many ponies is she talking about?!, Matt's mind interjects, but he stays quiet, still humbled by his marefriend's putting it all on the line for him like this.

"...Ah know y'all respect him. Ah respect him too. And... Ah love him."

At this, Matt has to interrupt, and he stands up again.

"Granny Smith... Mrs Apple," he says, the formal greeting sounding all wrong; he powers on anyway. "I would like to ask your permission to date your granddaughter."

He tries a smile. It isn't reciprocated.

Granny continues to stare.

He looks from side to side. That really was his best shot; he can't think of anything else to throw in to change Granny's mind, so if she's still not on board, she likely never will be. He waits for some kind of response, anything, even a flicker, some recognition that he's even finished talking.

There comes none.

He slowly sits back down.

When Matt was ten, he'd had to give a science presentation to the whole school assembly; his class, and therefore his best friends, as well as the girl he had a desperate crush on at the time, were all sitting right in the front row. The topic, drawn from a hat, was all about sperm whales. Having stammered his flustered way through the longest five minutes of his life, trying his best to ignore the stifled giggles every time he said the word "sperm", trying not to make eye contact, secretly thanking every god he could think of that the poor kid who'd drawn Lake Titicaca had had to go before him, he finally reached the end... only to realise his flies had been undone the entire time.

Trying to fasten up his pants, and at the same time exit the stage with some kind of dignity, while his friends hooted and hollered in laughter and his crush stared, mortified, at the floor, he'd managed to trip over an untied shoelace. The next moments had happened in slow motion, as if Matt was watching someone else in a dream, unable to do anything to stop the inevitable oncoming disaster.

As he flew through the air and braced himself for a painful impact, he'd looked up, seen a pair of terrified eyes frozen in fear, and slammed face-first into the next presenter, the two of them rolling in a heap at the foot of the stage steps. Matt had looked up just in time to see Jason's presentation, a model volcano filled with "lava" made of glitter and corn syrup, upend itself above him and then land in a messy, audible splat right on top of him, splashing the front row in the process.

Lying on the floor, groaning, possibly concussed and covered in bits of soggy, broken papier-mâché, with sticky glittery goop dripping off his face, hearing his friends cussing him loudly as they jumped from their seats, hearing the rest of the crowd roaring in laughter, Matt had consoled himself that at least he'd probably never feel that uncomfortable again.

But no. This, somehow, is worse.

The silence is oppressive, almost stifling, as if even the animals out in the barnyard have stopped their clucking and oinking and barking, and turned their attention on him. The only sound is the ticking of a clock on the wall... or maybe that's just the blood rushing in his ears.

Granny Smith is staring right through him.

Big Macintosh is staring right through him.

Even Apple Bloom is staring right through him.

Applejack is staring at her spoon.

He wants nothing more than to grab Applejack's hoof on the table next to him, to pull her close... but he doesn't dare. He doesn't dare reach for a fork, or his food, or drink from his untouched glass of water. He's trying not to breathe too loud. But on the inside, he's screaming.

Why is nopony saying anything?!

Finally - finally! - Granny Smith breaks the silence by clearing her throat. Matt hopes he didn't just exhale too loudly with the relief of it all. It's probably only been a few seconds, but it felt like hours.

Is she... smiling? She looks like she's smiling. Big Mac, too.

"About time, too, by my reckonin'."

"Eeyup."

"Ah knew already! ...Ah mean, uh, yeah."

"Matt," says Granny, lighthearted again. "We all like you. You're a good worker, you're a fine farmpony, you're honest, and, well... Ah ain't blind, young'un!" She laughs out loud. "Ah can see you care for mah Applejack. An' that's the most important thing for me."

Matt feels Applejack's hoof, holding his hand, on top of the table. Everyone can see.

Granny Smith looks at her. Applejack looks back.

Applejack does not let go.

The sun is low in the sky as Applejack and Matt walk back to Ponyville, arm in arm (or, well, foreleg, but Matt isn't splitting hairs).

"That was pretty intense, weren't it? Ah mean, even though we both figured it'd all go fine, ah got chills there."

"I knew it would be fine", he lies, before he clocks Applejack's raised eyebrow, and the two of them burst into fits of giggles.

"Oh, God, AJ, your family can be terrifying when they want to be! I felt about six inches tall!", he laughs. "I'm not going to lie, I was really worried for a minute."

"Ah know. Ah'm glad that's all out of the way."

They trot along towards the town in silence for a moment, taking in the evening sounds; birdsong, rustling leaves, far-off cartwheels.

"Ah meant all them things ah said, you know."

"I know," says Matt. "It was really something. I wanted to give you a massive hug..."

"...Among other things," she smirks.

"Ha! No, not that. For once." He laughs. "No, just the hug this time. My fantasies don't usually involve your grandmother and brother and sister glaring at me. But it was amazing hearing you say those things."

He holds her tighter as they meander down the path. "I'm really honoured, Applejack. Between working on the farm, and what you've told me, and what Twilight's tried to teach me about earth ponies, I understand what a big deal all of this is, bringing in an outsider... no, scratch that, an alien. But you know I'd do anything for you."

Applejack laughs, the sound lifting Matt's heart. "Ah surely do, Matt. If ah didn't know that - and what's more, if ah didn't know you understood the same thing was true for me - ah wouldn't be so sure about us. But ah am. Ah ain't never been so sure about anythin' in mah life 'til now."

They stop for a hug.

A loud clearing of the throat comes from some distance behind them.

"Don't you be frettin' none, Big Mac," calls out Applejack with a laugh. "There ain't no funny business goin' on. You can report back to Granny with a clean conscience."

"...Eeyup", comes the response, as the couple resumes their languid trotting.

"I still can't believe she made us have a chaperone," laughs Matt. "Although I shouldn't complain, at least this way I get to see you on the way back home."

"Well, ah'll tell ya somethin that might cheer ya up some. Ah've brought stallions home in the past..."

"...I've heard more cheering things, AJ, if I'm honest!"

AJ rolls her eyes. "Shut up talkin' a moment, ya big goof," she giggles. "Let me finish. Ah've brought stallions home in the past, an' you're the first one Granny has ever approved of me takin' a walk like this."

Matt has a number of responses jostling to break free and blurt out and fill the silence - that AJ is a grown mare (and a superhero at that), that her decisions are her own, that it's not really for Granny to tell her what she can and can't do - but he forces them all back down. He's long since squared all of this as him dating a Southern girl from a deeply conservative family, and it's not just that if he wants to date her, she comes with all of that baggage; it's that "baggage" that makes her who she is, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

Great, now even his own thoughts are going cheesy.

He realises AJ is waiting for a response. Instead of trying to put any of that into words, he simply whispers into her twitching ear.

"I love you, Applejack", he whispers, and kisses the side of her head, briefly, so as not to draw Big Mac's attention from however far behind them he is; he's not scared of the giant red stallion any more, but there's no need to make things any more awkward.

"Ah know", she giggles, as she nuzzles into him. This time, she ignores the throat-clearing noise. Matt turns and gives a shrug. What can you do?

"So," says Granny, snapping the couple's attention back to her across the table. "Now that we've gotten all of that straightened out and such, ah reckon it's time we set a few ground rules."

"Of course", says Matt with a smile.

"First," says Granny, "ah'm glad the two of you finally get to have a dinner where you don't have to be pretendin' things ain't what they are. Ah'm happy to be seein' your very first date like this."

For once, Matt is glad his throat is dry, or he might have done a spit take. Instead, he tries what must surely be the weakest smile anyone has ever attempted as he feigns gratitude.

AJ isn't doing much better. "Ah... heh heh heh. Right," she says. "Because we ain't had a date 'afore now. Not without askin' you. Without Matt askin' you. To go on a date. With me. Us. On a date."

Matt wonders if he could get away with kicking her under the table, but thinks better of it for a great many reasons.

Granny fixes them both with a long look, and then continues talking as though nopony had interrupted.

"Mm-hm," she says. "Ah sure woulda been disamappointed to find y'all had been datin' behind mah back. But, of course, you ain't been doin' none of that."

Silence.

"See," says Granny, "if'n it were to transpire that y'all had been datin' without mah knowin', ah might consider that a, whatcha-call-it... breach of the trust I have in mah little Applejack, an' in our valued guest."

Silence.

"...'Cos then, ah suppose ah might find it kinda tough to believe y'all if ya told me different on any, uh, other matters."

Silence.

"But bein' that ah needn't never have had no worries on that score, ah s'ppose ah don't need to explain how ah might feel a little betrayed, or how ah might fear someone was a-takin' advantage of mah Applejack, or what mah own granddaughter was really gettin' up to."

Silence.

"And, o'course," says Granny, more sternly than ever, "ah surely needn't say out loud what don't even need sayin', namely that if Matt were to break mah Applejack's heart, ah'd be sure to break his legs. But ah know ah don't need to say that."

Silence. And some sweating.

"So," says Granny, fixing both Matt and Applejack with a wide, toothless grin. "Ah'm happy to pronounce this yer very first official date, never mindin' whatever happened 'afore now, seein' as ah can be happy in the knowledge nothin' more is gonna happen from here on in without mah being consulted on any... important develemopments that might take place. Not that there ain't been anythin' like that goin' on between you two, of course."

Silence, followed by smiles. Matt is convinced he saw a half-wink from Granny as she turned... no, surely not, he must be imagining things.

"Oh, and one other thing - Matt, ya can't be stayin' overnight in Applejack's room no more, lest somepony might get the totally wrong idea. Ah mean, I know well enough you two ain't been havin' relations, but..."

This time AJ does do an actual spit take, but Matt draws on his experiences from prom night back on Earth. "Of course," he exclaims. "It hadn't even occurred to me to ask. I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy, Granny."

Granny grins again. "That's a good boy", she smiles. That was obviously the right answer.

Applejack's hoof squeezes his hand. He just won some points there, he thinks.

"Now then," Granny announces. "Enough flappin' gums. Ah'm hungry, an' after a day like today, ah'm guessin' the rest of y'all could do with some eatin' too. Well! No need to stand on ceremonony on mah account. Soup's on!"

And with that, everything was back to normal; conversation descended back on the table, Big Mac and Apple Bloom started guzzling their food, Granny put her dentures back in before tucking in with gusto, laughs began to emerge, jokes began to flow. The only difference was that Matt and Applejack could feel comfortable sitting next to one another, being themselves, even parrying little jokey barbs on the subject of their relationship.

At the door, instead of furtively hugging AJ under Granny's watchful eye, he'd been left alone with Applejack while the family retreated back to the farmhouse for a moment. "Now, y'all, let's give Applejack and Matt some space now," Granny had insisted, and despite some initial moments of awkwardness, the couple's desire to be close to each other had let them slip seamlessly into a full-on passionate embrace.

This had gone on for a moment before Matt noticed Granny in the doorway, pretending not to see. He immediately straightened himself up, loudly clearing his throat; AJ had taken another second or two, lost in the kiss, eyes closed in bliss, before similarly standing up straight and fixing her hair.

"Oh, look," said Granny. "It's gettin' awful late now. Applejack, ah think you'd best maybe walk back to Ponyville with Matt, no?"

Both Matt and AJ had stared at Granny in disbelief for a moment, before enthusiastically agreeing to the plan.

"Of course, I'll have Mac follow behind, just so as to be able to walk you back here again when y'all are, uh, done walkin'. That's alright, ain't it?"

"Sure thing", both Matt and Applejack had exclaimed in unison, sharing a giggle at their replying in stereo. Granny had smirked too, Matt was sure of it, but when he looked at her, she was once again the picture of innocence.

"Well, goodnight then, you two," smiled Granny, as she turned to head back into the farmhouse.

And so, the two lovers had headed off down the path to town, with Big Macintosh following at a respectful distance behind. Matt wondered, given he knew something Big Mac didn't want broadcast - namely, that Matt and AJ hadn't been the only secret couple in the Apple family, and furthermore Matt very pointedly hadn't ratted him out to Granny - Matt wondered just how much of an eye he was really keeping on them, but decided against pushing it.

"So, that's your family told... And, I guess, Princess Celestia," laughed Matt, quietly.

"Right," said Applejack, suddenly nervous again. "Uh, so. About that."

Author's Note

(Quite a lot of this is based on stuff that actually happened to me before I got married - not the Matt/school flashback, but the incredibly awkward dinner with the super-conservative in-laws. In fact, the "and I'm sure I don't need to say, but if he breaks your heart, I'll have to break his legs" is actually a direct quote from my father-in-law the first time we sat down to dinner as a couple with her parents. That was 20-some odd years ago, and we're still together...)

Southern Comforts

APPLEJACK sips her tea, trying hard not to slurp too loudly from the delicate china cup. She places the cup back in the saucer as softly as she can, but her hooves feel clumsy and rough. She can show amazing dexterity cutting turf and swinging a scythe, not to mention playing her guitar and banjo... but right now, she feels like she's wearing huge, ungainly oven mitts. Her hoof rattles the crockery as she flinches; she looks up at her hostess to see if she's getting away with it, or whether her inadvertent nerves are being picked up on.

Princess Celestia smiles kindly. She has more than a thousand years of experience putting ponies at ease in her presence, many of them far less refined - or eager to appear refined - than Applejack. Moreover, Applejack is more than just another pony; she's the bearer of the Element of Honesty, one of the heroes who returned her sister to her, and saved Equestria... twice... and, most of all, she's a friend. Celestia decides to break the silence by going first.

"So... Matt came to see me a few weeks ago, asking me not to transform him into a pony. I assume you know this already," she smiles. Applejack nods in confirmation.

Celestia now hesitates for a moment before continuing. "Do you... know what else we discussed?"

"Yes ma'am. Ah believe he gave you that giant letter he'd been working on, tellin' you all about how we... uh... got together, an' such."

(Applejack's cheeks redden at this point, but Celestia says nothing, and instead politely sips her tea while waiting for her guest to continue.)

"...He, uh, said he asked for your blessing, after a fashion. He was wanting to know how you'd feel about him, uh, dating a... pony."

Celestia smiles again. "Quite so. I have to admit, I was very impressed with what he had to say. He seemed to understand the sacrifices you would be making, and did not treat them lightly."

There is a pause.

"...Although..."

Uh-oh.

Matt wipes the sweat from his brow before hoisting another bushel of apples onto the wagon. It's a hot day, again, and the work never stops; and the days when he's far from her side are the toughest ones to get through. Still, he shows up every day and puts in as much effort as ever. As he's long since come to realise, although the work is tough, it's not just for her that he gets out of bed at an uncivilized hour each morning.

If you'd asked him a year ago whether he'd like a job hauling apples and picking weeds, he'd have turned you down flat, probably laughing in your face as he did it. Now, if you asked him if he'd like his old job back, if he missed his neurotic boss and the, uh, unique smells of the video game store, the response would likely be just as fast and just as emphatic. No fucking way.

Fresh air, great company, knowing he was doing a great job, sitting down to eat with the Apple family every day... yeah, Matt thinks to himself, this could all be a lot worse, even before taking AJ into the equation.

"Matt!" comes a gruff-sounding grunt of a voice from behind him, and just like that, the goofy grin and far-off stare disappear from his face.

Oh, shit.

In truth, he's been dreading this moment ever since he first started to develop feelings for Applejack. Now it's time to get it over with.

"Hey, Big Mac," says Matt, slowly turning around to face the music. "So... uh... what's up?"

"...What is it, Princess?", asks Applejack, her nervousness forgotten for the moment, as was Celestia's intention all along.

"I mentioned I was impressed with his reactions. Perhaps 'surprised' would be a more appropriate word."

(She sees Applejack wince, and quickly continues off her look.)

"Not by his love for you. Rather, something unexpected occurred while we were talking, something I had not prepared for. Matt reacts very... unusually to magic, quite unlike any other being I have ever encountered. I felt some of my spells would have no effect at all, while others..."

The Princess pauses for a moment, raising her teacup to her lips with a glow of her horn before going on. "...He was particularly susceptible to interrogative magic", she says, and Applejack sits up straighter.

"Now, don't be concerned, Applejack", says Celestia, placing a golden-shoed hoof on the farmpony's shoulder. "It was not my intention to use magic on Matt in that way. I only meant to ask him some questions, but even my passive magic was almost enough to overwhelm the poor colt. He... ended up telling me various things, things I am quite sure only happened in his mind. I doubt he even remembers some of the thoughts he inadvertently shared with me before I realised what was happening... before I was able to rein the magic in a little."

Applejack isn't sure if this was an invitation to pry further, or some sort of character tests on Celestia's part. But the Princess is smiling in her usual kindly way, and AJ decides Celestia wouldn't play games with her.

"Ah'm guessing you're telling me this for a reason, Princess?"

Celestia nods, and takes another sip of tea; Applejack carries on with her deductions.

"Much as ah don't want to pry into Matt's secret thoughts or nothin'... ah reckon you didn't want that, neither? 'Cept you weren't given no choice in the matter?"

"Indeed," smiles Celestia, as pleased as ever by the farmpony's perceptiveness. "But one thing stood out in particular, which I don't believe he would mind me sharing with you, and which think I should divulge."

"Go on," says Applejack, more curious than nervous now.

"So. You... an' mah sister, huh?"

Matt gulps. He's not an easily scared guy, not by any means, but he well remembers being flipped in the air the last time Big Mac got angry with him, and that was just when Matt was an unidentified animal hanging around the farm. Now, Big Mac had an actual reason to be mad... plus, he was huge, and they were out in the middle of nowhere, deep in the orchard, far from the farmhouse.

But Matt has had enough of being pushed around by this insane world. His life has turned out pretty good since he decided to just roll with it, do what he felt was right, not think too much about each batshit crazy thing that happens. If he did that, if he really stopped to consider every time his mind screamed at him that something impossible was happening, he'd have fallen into a spiral he might never get out of; better to just tough it out and shove it away. He hadn't freaked out when a bunch of technicolor talking horses had invaded his apartment, and just by being kind and honest, he'd literally opened the door to a new life. He wasn't going to freak out now. If Big Mac wanted to throw down and kick the crap out of him... well, so be it. He knows he doesn't deserve it.

He looks Big Mac straight in the eye.

"Yes. Me and Applejack," says Matt. "I would have said something sooner, we didn't like the idea of sneaking around, but we had to do it together."

"You hafta understand, Matt," says Mac. "She's mah little sister. Ever since Ma and Pa... well, she's had a lot to do. Workin' the farm, runnin' the house, raisin' Apple Bloom for the most part. Enough to drive stronger ponies than me crazy... an' then she goes and gets drafted to save the damn world, just on account of bein' at a party. 'Cos we had a deal to do the catering, Matt. She didn't get no choice in none of them things; she just went and did 'em anyway. That's AJ. She always jumps in with all four hooves, always tries to do the right thing."

He smiles briefly, before his expression goes back to the serious big brother face. This might be the most Matt has ever heard Big Mac talk, and he doesn't interrupt.

"Now, ah get that there's a whole big brother thing goin' on whenever ah see her at risk of gettin' hurt," says Big Mac. His words are slow, thoughtful, but firm. "It ain't like ah believe no stallion will ever be good enough for her... heck, it ain't even like ah consider it rightly to be any o' mah business who AJ's datin'..."

"Mac, listen - "

Big Mac raises an enormous forehoof, letting Matt know there's more to come. Matt wisely shuts up.

"...'Cept, on account of our family circumstances, ah feel it is mah business. Ah ain't gonna see her hurt, Matt. Ah ain't gonna let that happen on anypony's account."

Matt hasn't dropped eye contact with Big Mac once during this exchange. He doesn't drop it now.

"Big Mac... I do understand. And I totally respect what you're saying. I understand where you're coming from. Hell, I got angry hearing Apple Bloom mention some of Applejack's ex-coltfriends being complete jerks, and that was years before I ever met her. But, Big Mac, you have to understand too."

Princess Celestia has paused, as if she's really contemplating how to say whatever it is she wants to say, and the silence is killing Applejack. Just as it's about to get uncomfortably long, just as AJ is wondering whether she should say something, the Princess finally continues her explanation.

"I asked him about whether he'd stopped to considered the risk to your reputation and friendships if you revealed your relationship to everypony. He told me his fears, all quite reasonable - if unfounded - and then, immediately after, he told me that your family and friends already knew."

"Huh... What? But they don't know. Nopony knows! Are you sayin' he..." - she can hardly form the words - "...he lied?"

Celestia shakes her head, and puts her calming hoof on AJ's shoulder once more. "No, my dear," she says, softly. "If he had lied, I should hardly have approved. And, furthermore, I trust in your judgement. I do not believe the bearer of the Element of Honesty would have placed her confidence in anyone willing to lie so readily, over matters so important."

Applejack looks quizzically at Celestia. "Ah don't understand, Princess," she says.

"I'll do my best to explain," says Celestia, draining her teacup. "Matt gave me a number of confusing answers, which I didn't fully understand at first... until I realised that I was somehow accessing his secret thoughts, whereupon I broke the connection straight away. He has been through enough traumatising experiences in our land without having to also contemplate having his mind read in passing."

"But why tell you something like that, which just flat out ain't true?"

"Oh, Applejack," smiles the Princess. "Don't you see? He was outwardly scared about telling your family and friends, but subconsciously, he already packaged that worry with a happy ending. He was confident that he'd be accepted as your coltfriend, that he'd become a member of your group... because of his love for you."

Applejack blushes furiously. This time, Celestia notices, and gives her another little smile. "In short... in his heart, he believed it would be alright, even if he didn't realise it on the surface."

"So, what you're tellin' me is, deep down he wasn't really worried about us going public at all?" asks Applejack. "Like... he had a picture in his mind somewhere about how it was going to go great, and that came out like that's how it already went down? And he can't even remember?"

"Exactly," smiles Celestia. "It was one of the things that made me believe he had your best interests at heart. A reason, among many, for me to approve both his request... and your relationship."

Applejack doesn't reply; she's blushing, and tears have begun to well in her eyes.

"I asked him whether he understood the sacrifices and risks you would face if the two of you began a relationship, and he answered me truthfully and honestly, even without his mind being an - unintentionally - open book. I know that you won't be affected by my magic in the same way, and I would like to ask you the same questions, if you don't object."

"What you have to understand, Big Mac, is that I love her. I would never, ever do anything to hurt her. I have a pretty good idea what she'll have to put up with on account of dating me. Or, well, what we'll have to put up with, I guess. But we've talked it over, a lot. And we decided it's OK. It's all going to be OK, because..."

It's time for Matt to get cheesy again, but it's for a good cause, he reasons to himself as he winces internally.

"Because we love each other. Whatever happens, we want to be together. She's everything to me. Literally. I'm lost on an alien planet here, and she's the most important thing in my life. She always will be."

Matt fixes Big Mac with a sterner stare than before. The balance in this conversation has tipped his way, and he's going to press it home.

"You're right, she's been through a lot. She's special. I know she's special. I wish she did, sometimes, though it's so like her not to think of herself that way. Every day, I wonder why someone... somepony as special as Applejack might be interested in a guy like me. But you know what? In the last few months, literally everything I knew about the world is gone, along with everyone I ever knew in it. If this amazing girl wants to date me, I'm not going to question it. I just have to try and do my best to deserve her."

Big Mac's expression doesn't change, and for a moment Matt wonders if his little speech has had any effect. It's true, he thinks to himself; it's all true. If he was just some skeezy lowlife who wanted to use her, to chalk off "have sex with a pony" from his weird-ass bucket list, who didn't really care... The thought boils Matt's blood, and he has to stop himself going further down that path. Point is, he thinks, If he was some asshole who didn't care, Big Mac would have every reason to kick his ass. But that's not Matt. Can't BIg Mac see? Can't he tell?

Finally, slowly, a smile breaks across the huge red stallion's face, and Matt relaxes.

"I take it... I guess we get each other, huh?", asks Matt.

"Eeyup," replies Big Mac, with a grin.

"The same questions you asked Matt? Whadda'ya mean, Princess?", asks Applejack.

"I mean as follows. Having spoken to him, I am satisfied he understands what you are potentially risking to be with him. Now, I wish to speak to you, in order to ascertain whether you understand the same for him."

"Well...", begins Applejack, brow furrowed in concentration. "It ain't like we don't talk about this sort of thing already. And he himself has said it; he's the only human in this world, and it ain't as though he can go disappointing his family or nothin'. Ah guess ah just hoped that, with there only bein' the one of him an' all, everypony would just have to accept it, the human in Equestria can like ponies, the ponies can like the human. Already we had that whole business with Lyra an' the paper, and it seems half of Equestria must'a read that story, on account of there ain't hardly a day goes by without someone mentionin' that humans and ponies can be attracted to each other..."

"Quite," interrupts Celestia, kindly, "but that is not exactly what I was asking."

"How so?"

"You said yourself, Matt is the only human in this world. Now, the two of you may not fear ostracism, at least on his part. But I believe there is much more to consider."

"Such as what, exactly?" Applejack is confused.

"Such as, for instance... You already know how lucky you and your friends were, travelling through Twilight's portal, not to mention getting back safely. To begin, I would like you to consider what might have happened, had that last part not occurred - as is the scenario Matt is actually living out, at this very moment. Take away the "getting back safely" part, and imagine. Twilight and the five of you have fallen through the portal into a strange and frightening world, and you cannot get back to Equestria again."

Applejack paused for a moment, thinking back to that night in New York City when her life had suddenly changed forever. What if...?

"Now, think about the situation as you already know it. Matt took you in and hid you away, at some risk to himself. He shielded you from those who would harm you, whether it be through malice or curiosity, and kept you all safe. He lost his job, and a considerable amount of his savings, as a direct result of trying to keep you all safe. He risked arrest by helping Twilight research how you might return home."

"Ah know all of this, Princess," says Applejack, a hint of indignation flaring in her voice. "Ah was... kinda... there."

Celestia is not offended by the cowpony's forthright attitude; she could not have chosen a better Bearer for the Element of Honesty, and she knows it would be hypocritical to call Applejack out for being too outspoken. Instead, she gives a patient smile, and continues her explanation.

"Now, consider that Matt went through all of that, and was then ready to say goodbye to you all, never to see any of you again, and return to his life after you had... effectively... destroyed it. Until he fell through the portal himself, he was quite prepared to try and live the rest of his life in his world, despite the damage you had all done. Not just to his own circumstances, all of which might have been smoothed over eventually. No, rather, I speak of the damage you all had done to his mind."

There is a moment of silence, while Celestia allows Applejack to catch up with her thoughts.

"Big Macintosh, you listen here", snorts Applejack, angrily. "Ah got a bone to pick with you."

Big Mac squirms uncomfortably as his sister gallops towards him. In the background, he can see his younger sister with a surprised look on her face. Obviously Apple Bloom has been talking to Applejack about whatever she saw earlier. He has about five seconds to put all of this together and try and come up with an explanation before a very pissed-off Applejack arrives.

Busted.

"Ah understand you and Matt had a little talk today, huh?" she spits. "Mind tellin' me just what it was that got you so hot an' bothered that you had to go yell at mah coltfriend?"

"Yell?" replies Big Mac, his eyes widening in genuine surprise. "Ah never yelled, AJ. Ah just wanted to make sure mah sister was in safe hooves... hands... whatever. Ah like Matt. Ah like him a lot."

"Well, you listen here, big brother," scowls AJ, though some of the anger has peeled away since she first came over. "Ah appreciate you lookin' out for me an' all. Ah guess it's what big brothers do. But still, ah want you to remember this, on account of ah ain't plannin' to hafta say it again."

Big Mac gulps.

"Ah ain't a filly no more, Big Mac. Ah can make mah own decisions. An' while ah do appreciate yer heart was in the right place..."

Her eyes narrow.

"...if ah ever hear you givin' Matt any trouble on account of our bein' each other's special somepony, ah ain't gonna be happy. You get me?"

Applejack gives a snort, blowing the forelock of her blonde mane up away from her eyes. Big Mac slowly nods, and then puts a hoof on his sister's shoulder.

"Ah get you, AJ," he says, calmly, and then smiles. "But you got it wrong. Now, it ain't like ah spend much time thinkin' about whatever stallions you want to go datin'. Fact is, though, Matt is different."

"Human, you mean?", says AJ, still sounding a little bitter. "We're over that. Ah even saw Celestia about it. Ah don't care if ponies can't deal. Ah never expected you to have a problem, though..."

"Nope," says Big Mac. "Nope, that ain't it. What ah mean, AJ, is that ah ain't seen you like this before. Ah get a different feeling about Matt. It ain't about protectin' you from some random guy. Ah could already tell this weren't some fling. It weren't that."

He gives her a huge smile. "It was about... seein' whether you're both feelin' the same things. Whether he loves you as much as you love him."

Applejack's jaw drops.

"An' he does, by the way," smiles Big Mac.

By the time an out-of-breath Apple Bloom can reach the clearing, Applejack and her big brother are locked in a tight hug. Apple Bloom opens her mouth to start the contrived explanation she had planned on the way over... and then thinks better of it, and backs away before they realise she's there.

"You see, Applejack", says the Princess, again not unkindly; "the feeling you and your friends had when you first fell through that portal? Do you remember? Seeing that harsh, strange world, unknown creatures everywhere, the sense that nothing you knew before could ever quite be trusted again? Matt would have felt the same thing upon encountering you."

Applejack doesn't reply.

"And so, I ask you to consider this from his point of view. You ruined his life, not just for the present, but forever. He would have lived out his days there on Earth, looking up at the stars and knowing you - we all - were out there somewhere, but never to be seen again. Knowing he would never be able to use magic, or fly, or find escape from the shackles of the laws of physics as he had previously understood them. Knowing he would never be able to talk to anyone else on his entire planet who had shared his experiences, having to keep them to himself, forever. And, Applejack... he had accepted this."

"Ah guess ah never really thought of it that way, Princess," AJ says, thoughtfully. "But, in truth, ah don't quite see what it has to do with our relationship. Ah mean, whatever he'd gotten himself prepared for - and ah ain't tryin' to do him down here - well, it weren't somethin' he had to actually face, on account of the fact is he did fall through the portal. He did see us again. None of what he thought was gonna happen actually came to pass."

"Do you think so?", asked Celestia, quizzically raising an eyebrow. "He still had his entire world, his entire life, taken away from him. He found himself in a harsh new world, as you did. He adapted quickly, as you did. But consider how lucky you were, and how lucky he is. There is a reason I forbade Twilight, or any other unicorn, using that particular magic. None of you had any idea where you would end up. Even the world you travelled to was dangerous enough - you might have been captured on sight, tortured, imprisoned, experimented upon... killed."

That last word leaves the Princess' lips almost in a whisper, and hangs heavily in the air before she continues.

"And so, you were very lucky in encountering a sympathetic soul on arrival, rather than a hostile one. But even had you not, you were still lucky to arrive in the world you did. Only random chance kept the six of you alive. You might have ended up in a world where none of you could speak the language, unable to communicate. You might have ended up in a world where you were unable to breathe the air, or where the water was poisonous to ponykind, or where the temperature would have killed you. I have seen other worlds, Applejack, that nopony should ever venture forth... dark, frozen worlds under cold, lifeless stars, molten worlds where the very air would set your skin aflame, worlds buried far underwater with only ancient ruins for company."

The Princess has turned away from Applejack for a moment, her eyes closed, her breathing heavy.

"It is nothing short of a miracle you were able to come back to the same dimension you started out from... indeed, it took many moons of tests on all of you to determine that you actually had returned to the same dimension. But that is a story for another time."

She turns back and fixes the farmpony in her gaze.

"Any of these fates might have befallen you and your friends, Applejack. Any of these fates might have befallen Matt."

Celestia gives Applejack another moment to digest all of this information.

"You are not the only pony who has remarked to me, or whose remarks have reached me, concerning just how blasé Matt has appeared to be with the changes that have occurred in his life of late," says the Princess, kindly but firmly. "I do not presume to know his innermost thoughts, but I do believe - from our interview, from his letter, from my own observations, and, yes, from what he unwillingly shared with me before I stopped him - I do believe I have been given an unusual insight into his feelings, and specifically about his being stranded here."

Applejack looks up at the Princess, knowing what she's about to say.

"He is not blasé, Applejack. He is terrified."

Applejack's voice, when it comes, is quieter than usual, but the Princess is surprised all the same by its firmness.

"Ah know he is, Princess," says AJ, looking back down to the immaculately-polished floor tiles, a heavy teardrop splashing upon her reflection. "Ah remember how scared ah was when we were stuck in his world. Ah remember it right well. An' ever since ah met him again, ah've always been thinkin'... is that how he feels now? Trapped, confused, frightened?"

She looks up at Celestia, eyes filled with tears.

"Ah never told him what happened with mah parents. Ah stopped him askin' one time, and then... he knew never to bring it up again." She smiles. "He's kinda like that. An' so am I. We see a lot of us in each other, me an' him. So when ah asked him one time, how did he feel about bein' lost in this world, without his family, just gettin' used to the idea that not everythin' here was tryin' to kill him, just tryin' to even process how lucky he is that he didn't get dragged off to the circus or cut up for experiments or whatever, and he kinda clammed up... ah figured it was best ah didn't labor the point too much further. It's what ah would have wanted. It ain't that ah don't take those things serious, Princess. Of course ah do. But ah respect him enough to give him his space. If'n he ever wants to open up, ah'll be right here for him. If'n he don't ever want that, well, that's all good by me, too."

Celestia smiles. So far, this is exactly what she was hoping to hear. She gently lifts Applejack's chin with her golden-shoed hoof, as the farmpony wipes the tears from her eyes and smiles back at her.

Matt wipes the sweat from his brow before hoisting another bushel of apples onto the wagon. It's a hot day, again, and the work never stops, but... Huh. Deja vu.

"Matt!" comes a gruff-sounding grunt of a voice from behind him, and just like that, the goofy grin and far-off stare disappear from his face.

He turns to see Big Macintosh, trotting up towards him again; only this time, there's no frown, no scowl, just a look of concern. The big red stallion clears his throat, and an unexpectedly timid voice comes out.

"You, uh... ya wanted to talk to me, Matt?"

"Yes. Yes I did. Come on over."

The giant farmpony and the human sit down together beside the cart.

"What I wanted to ask you about... Oh!", says Matt, noting Big Mac's pained expression. "It's got nothing to do with me and AJ, don't worry."

Big Mac visibly relaxes.

"No, what I wanted to ask about was... How are things with you and Twilight?"

Big Mac is momentarily lost for words. Not a rare occurrence, of course, but this seems more like shock than his usual stoic consideration.

"Ah... Y'all wanted to ask about Twilight?"

"You and Twilight, yeah. I know we live together, but I don't really know her all that well. Still, what I wanted to say was, well... I'm kind of alone on this planet, in a lot of ways. Right? I mean, all my friends from back home, gone. My family, my parents, gone."

"Ah understand, Matt, an' ah know it can't be easy, but what does this have to do..."

Matt holds up a hand, and now it's Big Mac's turn to shut up for a minute.

"I'm telling you this because, well, I'm not alone on this planet at all, not any more. AJ, you know about. You guys, too, it's been such a help being able to hang out with you, and the way you've made me feel welcome... I've really needed it, and I'll never forget it. And Twilight, and her friends, all the girls, are kind of my friends now too."

It takes a moment for Big Mac to process what Matt is saying.

"I don't have any guy friends here. No-one - nopony - I can go and kick back with, grab some drinks, watch the game... not that I know what kind of games you guys even play here, but whatever. What I'm saying, Big Mac, is that I consider you a friend. One of my best friends. And I don't want it to be awkward because I'm dating your sister, and you're dating my roommate."

Big Mac gives a tentative smile.

"So, with you and Twilight... and I don't want details!", he quickly interjects - "I wanted to talk to you. You see, since I bumped into you both over at the library last week, she hasn't mentioned it at all. I tried to bring it up a couple times, but she'd always just change the subject. I guess what I'm asking is... are you guys OK? Will you be OK if she's just in this for a fling? Because I kind of get the feeling you don't see it that way."

Big Mac looks quizzically at Matt for a moment, and then gives a snort, then a chuckle, and finally tips his head back and roars with laughter, before playfully punching Matt on the arm with his forehoof.

"Matt," says Big Mac, tears of laughter in his eyes, "it's mighty fine of you to even care. But you shouldn't worry none on our account. We've seen each other a few times since then - we've even been out on a date together, while AJ was off in Canterlot with the Princess. Ah don't know what she's thinkin', but ah don't believe she'd hurt me. Ah know ah wouldn't hurt her, for sure."

"That's a relief. I mean that. I want you guys to be happy," says Matt.

"Ah appreciate the concern," says Big Mac, his voice returning to normal. "An' ah sure appreciate you not tellin' AJ any of this. Twily... uh, Twilight doesn't want that conversation until she's ready, an' ah respect that."

"What are friends for?", grins Matt. "If anyone understands having to wait when you want to tell the whole world..."

"Hey!" barks Big Mac excitedly, making Matt flinch in surprise for a moment with the change of volume. "Ah just had the best idea! Ah know how we can break that ice!"

"Uh, Big Mac?"

"You, and AJ. And me. And Twilight. We can go on a double date! Can you imagine?"

Matt can indeed imagine. What he can't do is explain why this is the worst idea of all time. Firstly, he is pretty sure Twilight has not mentioned to Big Mac that she tried to kiss Matt, and that she only hooked up with Big Mac to start with as an angry rebound fling. Secondly, Matt has told Applejack all about that incident, but not its weird aftermath, when Twilight had demanded he kiss her again as the price for her returning to Ponyville. Thirdly, Matt has no idea how AJ will react if she realises Matt knew about Big Mac and Twilight before she did. Fourthly, Matt has no idea how AJ will react when she finds out Big Mac and Twilight are a couple, but he can easily see it going badly. And fifthly, he's a human, and he and AJ have never been seen together in public before. In short, this double date idea has every chance of becoming a gigantic clusterfuck. But how can he tell Big Mac?

"Whaddaya reckon?", says Big Mac eagerly, looking not unlike an excited puppy waiting for Matt to throw a tennis ball.

"Uh...", he begins, racking his brain for the right words, but his brain is just going EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and not helping very much.

"That's... a great idea," says Matt, unconvincingly. "The four of us... in a small space, surrounded by ponies... watching two celebrities and an alien... with sharp knives around... it sounds great," he continues, not entirely sure what words are even coming out of his mouth. "But, uh, the thing is..."

Big Mac's face falls.

"...The thing is, and I think it's a great idea, but the thing is, uh... Well, me and Applejack, we haven't ever been out in public as a couple. We've had two dates... I mean, we had the dinner with the family. One date. We've had one date, it just feels like two because, you know, love. Uh... We've had one proper date, but, well, we haven't gone out in public, and, uh..."

Matt has never been particularly good at bullshit, and from that garbled non-explanation, he's pretty sure Big Mac can sense something's up. Hell, a small child could probably sense something's up. But, like Granny Smith before him, if Big Mac sees through him, he doesn't let it show.

"...Ah guess ah never thought of that," he finally mutters, thoughtfully. "Okay then. Ah have another great idea."

"Shoot," says Matt, warily.

Celestia looks kindly into Applejack's green eyes.

"Applejack, have you considered the kind of commitment you are taking on here? It is quite possible you are Matt's only anchor, that his romantic feelings for you have been bolstered by his need to cling on to something, or somepony, in this world which is so strange and hostile towards him."

"Princess, it kinda sounds like you're tellin' me..."

"That if you do this, for better or worse, it may well be the last relationship Matt ever has with anypony or anyone. Yes. That is what I am saying, Applejack."

AJ turns away, sucks in her cheeks for a moment, and then purses her lips, letting out a long, slow breath.

"An' maybe you're right, ah reckon. It's a possibility, ah guess, that he only loves me because ah'm here for him. That if ah ever took that away, he'd be lost, an' he wouldn't want me anymore anyhow. That if ah go on datin' him, ah'll have to always be extra careful, because, in a manner of speakin', ah sorta hold his life in mah hooves. That about right, Princess?"

"Yes."

"Ah see," says Applejack, face still scrunched up in thought. She looks up at Celestia once more.

"But there's one thing you ain't reckoned on, Princess." She looks Celestia right in the eye, and gives a smirk.

"Ah don't care."

Celestia is too stunned to say anything.

"D'you hear? Ah don't care. Oh, now, don't go gettin' the wrong idea. Ah care about Matt. Ah care about him a lot. More'n anythin', if push came to shove. Ah would never go doin' somethin' to hurt him, not on purpose. No, when ah say ah don't care, ah mean it don't figure in my thinkin' that all this might be him puttin' me on a kind of pedestal or somethin'. That ah might be takin' on the role of his, uh, anchor, here in Equestria. Ah already know all of that. Guess what? It don't matter none. He's as much mah anchor as ah am for him. He can put me on his pedestal. Ah already put him on mine."

Applejack is pacing the floor, as Celestia sits and listens intently.

"Ah need him, Princess. Ah love him. More'n anythin', like I said just now."

She snorts and shakes her mane, tossing her ponytail from side to side as she talks.

"See, ah do understand him. What he's feelin', what he's seein'. On account of the same thing happened to me. So if we were of a mind, the two of us could share our sob stories, talk about how alone we felt in the wrong worlds, talk about our fears and all that stuff."

She looks the Princess in the eye again.

"But we don't. And d'you know why we don't talk about that stuff?"

She bursts into a huge smile, and Celestia can't help but do the same.

"Because we don't need to, Princess. When ah'm with Matt, ah don't worry none. Not about a thing. None o' that hooey makes no difference to us bein' us. Ah just live in the moment, enjoyin' bein' close to him, an' knowin' he's enjoyin' bein' close to me. Ah just... live."

Celestia smiles broadly, finishing her tea, as Applejack looks up at the huge stained-glass palace windows, looking at the orange panes that represent herself.

"Ah just live," she repeats, to nopony in particular.

"Well, Applejack," says Celestia, after a moment. "I believe you've answered all of my questions as well as I could have ever hoped."

She smiles and holds Applejack's chin in her hooves again. "Not that I ever expected anything less from my Element of Honesty. I am only sorry that you had to hear all of that."

The Princess stands up and extends her wings out to their full length, the impressive sight even fazing Applejack for a moment.

"Very well, Applejack. I know now what needs to be done," she smiles. "KIBITZ!", she commands, her voice suddenly loud and echoing, making the farmpony jump. Immediately, a hassled-looking unicorn with a moustache and a huge sheaf of papers pokes his head around the door.

"Your Highness?", he asks.

"We have a proclamation to make, Kibitz," booms Princess Celestia, and without further instruction Kibitz shuffles the papers with his magic and produces a fresh quill to start writing on a clean new scroll. He's good, thinks Applejack. Celestia begins her proclamation, and it's just as loud as before.

"Let it be known throughout Equestria that from this day forth, it is our wish that any pony may form a romantic relationship with any human, without fear of reprisals or repercussions, protected under the law, provided both parties consent. This is the will of the Princess. This is our wish, and we shall not be dissuaded from it. By order of Princess Celestia," she concludes.

AJ glances up, but Kibitz has already finished writing and is rolling the scroll up ready to be posted across the land.

"Thank you, Kibitz," bellows Celestia, and the unicorn bows and leaves the room as quietly as he entered.

"That ought to do it," grins Celestia with a wink. "And if anypony dares to mess with you two after this, they'll have to answer to me."

"Uh, Princess?", says Applejack, a little hesitant after that display of Royal Canterlot Voice. "Ah don't mean to pick holes, seein' as how that was kind of amazing an' all, but... 'any human'? There's only one human here... won't everypony know that this rule is about Matt? That it's all just somethin' you wrote for Matt an' me?"

"I'm hoping so," smirks Celestia. "And I know Cadance will be pleased, after all that work helping you set up the date. Luna wouldn't tell me anything about it, just blushed a lot... which I assume means congratulations are in order? For a successful picnic, of course. Now, would you care for some cake?"

For the first time today, Applejack bursts out laughing. Celestia joins her. The two of them are still laughing together when a tray of cake magically appears.

How did she do that?, wonders Applejack. It's as if she had a tray of cake sitting around just waiting for us to... Oh.

"So, like ah said, ah have a great idea," says Big Mac, rambling. "Ah agree, since Celestia only just went an' told everypony you were dating a pony, it might be best for AJ if we hold off on the whole double date thing until word gets out just who the lucky mare is."

"Or stallion," points out Matt, with a laugh. "If those journalists have seen us talking, expect some pretty unflattering front pages," he says, recalling the whole fiasco with Lyra.

"Eeyup," laughs Big Mac. "But listen. Here's mah great idea. Ya ready? How about, for your first 'real' date together, out in public like, ah set you guys up at a place ah know? Someplace way out of town, where AJ ain't so famous, and where nopony will give a buck about seein' you and a pony?"

"That..." says Matt, surprised, "...is actually not a bad idea at all."

"No need to sound so surprised," smirks Big Mac in mock indignation.

"No," laughs Matt, "I just meant I'd never considered that. You would do that for us?"

"You've been pretty great about me and Twi," says Big Mac, earnestly. "And besides, ah like you."

Their conversation is interrupted as Applejack trots over to their clearing. "What are you two boys talkin' about, all huddled up like this?", she asks, sticking her tongue out.

"Actually, AJ, in point of fact, we were just sayin'..."

"Another time," interrupts Matt. "Applejack! How are you doing?"

"Ah'm good now we're together," she says. "Honestly, ah half got to thinkin' ah'd never be finished with the west orchard for today. But seein' you makes it worthwhile."

Matt glances over towards Big Mac, expecting a look of disgust. Instead, Big Mac simply gives him a nod and an encouraging smirk. If he had thumbs, he'd probably be giving Matt a thumbs up; as it stands, his expression simply says "go for it", as he conspicuously makes himself scarce.

Applejack saunters up to Matt, and they kiss, not caring who sees, not bothered about what anypony else thinks. We've earned this, they both think to themselves.

A loud voice carries across the orchard. It's Granny Smith, using that bullhorn she sometimes brings out for special events.

"Soup's on, everypony!," calls Granny. "If Applejack and Matt are done canoodlin', that is."

They both stop kissing and blush furiously. Okay, so maybe they do care a little bit about what other ponies think.

Just a little.

Author's Note

This is the last of the long talky chapters.

Unanswered Questions and Questionable Answers

I. What Happened when Applejack Got Home

TRAIPSING home late from Dodge Junction after her date, bruised and boozy, Applejack arrived back at Sweet Apple Acres long after nightfall. The night was dark, Luna's moon barely visible behind layers of thick cloud.

Fumbling around in her saddlebag, trying to find her keys, she cussed loudly as she fished them out only for her clumsy hooves to drop them. Trying to stay quiet so as not to wake anypony, she rooted around in the darkness, she finally found the latch-key on the barnyard floor and unlocked the back door, as quietly as she could manage.

Somehow, somepony seemed to have turned up the volume on the farmhouse door, and the quiet night air was pierced by a groaning, endless CREAK... followed by the sound of Applejack drunkenly trying to shush it.

"That's enough outta you!", she hissed, before starting to giggle at her own silliness. Yeah, she was pretty drunk.

Suddenly, AJ winced as her world exploded into brightness. The lights flicked on, revealing a still-awake Big Mac at the far door. When he saw Applejack's face, his own expression lit up. Still shielding her eyes from the light, through her hooves AJ could see Big Mac bounding over to her like an excitable puppy, eager to hear how wonderful her night had been.

Applejack had a number of thoughts on the matter which she planned on sharing with her brother, mainly centred around how his choice of “restaurant” had led to a mass bar brawl which almost resulted in Matt being speared with a broken pool cue by an outraged bunch of deranged pony nationalists. But her headache, and the impending hangover she knew was on the way, meant she couldn't really go into quite as much detail as she'd planned.

"It, uh... coulda gone better, if'n we're bein' honest," she sighed, and then wished she hadn't, as Big Mac's face fell twenty stories.

"But, uh, it coulda gone worse too!", she hastily added, with a too-wide smile, in the hopes of cheering up her brother. It didn't really work.

"Ah'm awful sorry, AJ", muttered Big Mac, shame-facedly pawing the kitchen floor with his hoof. "Ah just wanted you an' Matt to have a great time out there."

"And we did," Applejack interrupted, hoping to catch Big Mac before he falls too far. "That Sgian Dubh fella, he was a fine pony an' no mistake. And me an' Matt, we had a lot of fun drinkin' with 'em all at the end. Ah think Matt had a good time too, all told. It was real nice to just be out and about with him."

Big Mac's face lights up again. "Ah knew you'd like it!", he said, his grin returning, his voice getting louder as he got more excited. "And ah knew that crowd wouldn't care if you showed up with some stallion who weren't actually a stallion!"

Applejack winced again, and Big Mac's moment of triumph stalled a little.

"Hold on," he said, looking curiously at his little sister as she fought to meet his eye. "Did somepony give you an' Matt a hard time on account of his not bein' a pony?"

"You, uh, could say that, yeah. Kinda," said Applejack, almost apologetic, before drawing herself back up again and puffing her chest out. "Some assholes tried to start some trouble. But we showed 'em, me, and Matt, and Sgian Dubh, and, well, everypony in the bar, pretty much. We got a couple bruises to show for it, but we got a bunch of new friends, too."

"Ah'm awful sorry, AJ," Big Mac said again, more softly this time.

"Y'all don't got any cause to be," smiled Applejack. "Ah can take care of mah self just fine. Matt, too, as it turns out. Like ah said... sure, it coulda gone better, but it coulda gone a whole lot worse, too."

"Still," said Big Mac, ruminatively. "Ah don't think Twilight would enjoy that kind of setup."

"Huh?" asked Applejack, wondering if she'd missed a step in the conversation thanks to her slightly drunken state. "What's Twilight got to do with any of this?"

"Oh," muttered Big Mac, still deep in thought. "Ah was just thinkin', ah'm gonna have to try harder for the double date."

Which opened a whole new 40-pound family-size can of worms.

Big Mac had been dating Twilight Sparkle for some time now, and had neglected to inform Applejack of this situation.

While Big Mac explained, a range of emotions had gone through Applejack’s mind.

Happy, for her friend, and for her brother.

Angry, that they’d not told her sooner.

Ashamed, in case anything she'd done had led them to feel they had to keep it quiet.

Embarrassed, that this had been going on all the time she and Matt had been cavorting in secret.

Perhaps surprisingly - not least to AJ herself - she found that, mostly, "happy for Big Mac and Twilight" was winning out.

Sure, when Big Mac then started to excitedly explain how he and Twilight Sparkle had ended up together - and it wasn’t one of the great romantic stories, since it had begun with a clumsy, cider-fuelled one-night stand, the details of which Big Mac was having trouble censoring for his frazzled sister - Applejack had stopped him with a raised hoof, and staggered off to bed, declaring she was too drunk to hear any more of it.

Which was mostly true, though she was also worried about what her brother was about to tell her regarding his bedroom activities.

Some things, you just don't need to hear.

II. What Happened the Next Morning

A BLEARY-EYED Matthew Williams stumbled out of his bedroom to make some coffee. It was a hot, sunny day, he could tell because the air in the library was warm and stuffy, and the light streaming through the many windows was bright and felt hot on his face, but he didn't bother to open his eyes more than a crack.

He didn't know what time it was, and he didn't really care. He was probably supposed to be over at the farm right now, but after last night, he needed a minute to get his (pounding) head together, even if it meant being chewed out by Granny Smith later on.

He wandered into the kitchen in just his T-shirt and underwear, feeling the wood creak under his bare feet. He was getting used to living inside a giant tree, and to having a female housemate who wasn't all that bothered if he wandered around half-dressed like this in the morning.

Reaching over to the kitchen cupboard - set low in the wall, much lower than in a human apartment, just one more thing he'd gotten used to since arriving in Equestria - he grabbed himself a cup and padded blearily over to the counter, eyes still half-closed.

Brushing his unkempt hair out of his face, he idly looked around while he waited for the kettle to boil, expecting to see the main room still empty, or maybe to find Twilight pacing about in her own little book-induced trance. Instead, his eyes opened wide, as he saw his marefriend, in the middle of a tight hug with his housemate. They both looked like they'd been crying.

Matt just gawped at the scene for... well, he didn't know how long, exactly, but eventually Applejack noticed him staring and cleared her throat. Twilight looked over and gave a jolt as she saw him standing there, before she untangled herself from Applejack's hug.

"...Morning?" ventured Matt, uncertainly. AJ and Twilight both blushed, but for different reasons.

"There y'are, sugarcube," smiled Applejack, her sprightly demeanour surprising and confusing Matt, who not only knew how much she'd had to drink a few hours earlier, but also had first-hand experience of how savage AJ's hangovers could be.

"Ah was wonderin' how long to leave it before ah came and got ya outta bed mahself," she smirked, briefly raising an eyebrow. Matt was glad he hadn't taken a mouthful of coffee yet, or it would likely have ended up sprayed across the kitchen in an epic spit-take.

"Uh, yes," stammered Twilight, snapping out of her frozen state. "Matt quite often sleeps late when he isn't needed over on the farm. I suspect it's a human thing. Although I guess you would probably know more about... um... Hey, look at the time! I should go and wake Spike, too! Excuse me a moment!"

With a bright purple flash, Twilight disappeared from the room, leaving Matt staring at Applejack again.

"Cat got your tongue there, partner?", giggled Applejack. "Ah know you weren't expectin' to find me here this morning, but, well, somethin' happened last night. Now, now," she admonished, noticing Matt's alarmed look. "Weren't nothin' bad or anythin' like that. No, just, ah got some pretty big news, and ah needed to come on over."

She took a deep breath, and motioned for Matt to sit down.

"See... it turns out... well, it turns out that Big Macintosh, and Twilight Sparkle here, are a couple! Can ya even believe it?"

Matt could, in fact, believe it, given that he'd known about it the entire time. He didn't know what to say, or how much Twilight had told AJ while he was asleep, and therefore how much trouble he might be in. Luckily for him, Applejack took his blank, dumbfounded expression as shock at the big news.

"Ah know, right?", she said, shaking her head. "Can you even imagine? Well, no, don't go imaginin' too much, but ah mean... Twilight, and mah brother? An' here ah thought you an' me was gonna be the weirdest couple in Ponyville for a mite longer yet."

Matt could only nod, slowly, which Applejack took as a sign to continue.

"Ah only went and found out by accident, on account of Big Mac caught me creepin' back in late last night, an' he kinda blurted it out," she said, still shaking her head. "An' at first, ah was all set to be mad at him for keepin' it a secret, but then ah thought, well, Applejack, that'd make you a pretty hypocrite, wouldn't it? Y'know, given all the sneakin' around we was gettin' up to."

Matt nodded again, this time with a smile.

"An' so," she said, "ah got to thinkin' on it some more, an' ah decided ah was fine with it. Not that it were ever mah place not to be fine with it," she adds, hurriedly, "but ah mean, that mah friend and mah brother, datin'... ah can see it kinda makes sense. Big Mac can be awful shy and quiet, but, y'know, still waters run deep, as Granny always says, an' besides, ah know he and Twilight will make each other real happy."

Matt smiled again, and nodded in agreement.

"So, even though mah head don't exactly feel the best right now - and ah'm guessin' you're kinda in the same boat, seein' as how you ain't said one single word 'cept mornin' one time?"

Matt chuckles, guiltily. "Yup," he says.

"...even though ah feel kinda like mah head's a half-raised barn full of ponies who won't quit hammerin', right after ah woke up this mornin', ah marched mah self right on over here to talk to Twilight, to let her know that ah know... an' to let her know, well, how everythin' was gonna be OK."

She looked Matt right in the eyes, and he was glad he was sitting down, because the look of sincerity in those deep green eyes made his knees feel weak even when he wasn't standing.

"Because, Matt?", she said, quietly but firmly. "I do believe everything will be OK."

At that moment, Twilight and a yawning Spike appeared at the top of the stairs.

"So... I take it you've told him?", asked Twilight, a little sheepishly. Matt was about to say something, but a look from Twilight - barely perceptible, but definitely A Look nonetheless - hushed him back down.

"Well, Twilight," said Applejack, smiling that smile, the smile that always told Matt she was in a good place, "thank you kindly for seein' me this mornin', and for the coffee, but now ah have to get back to the farm... and ah'm gonna take your room-mate here along with me."

She stopped to sniff the air for a moment, and wrinkled her nose.

"Or, uh, maybe ah'll just head on down to Sweet Apple Acres mahself, and you, Matthew Williams, can follow on just as soon as you've had a chance to take a shower. Phew! Well, see ya round, Twilight! Mornin', Spike!"

And with that, she turned on her heel and trotted straight out of the library, leaving a dumbfounded human staring in her wake.

"So," yawned Spike, with a big stretch. "What'd I miss?"

III. What Happened Later That Morning

JESUS CHRIST, thought Matt, it was stupidly hot today.

Having showed up late, Applejack and Matt were having to work at almost double speed just to catch up to where they were meant to be. With Big Mac off on a delivery run to some village even Applejack had never heard of, and Apple Bloom in school, Matt and AJ were putting in more effort than either had ever seen the other put in before.

It was hot. Much too hot. Especially if you were two ponies down, and nursing a bad head.

Row after row after row of apple trees stood before them, all heaving with apples that needed to be bucked right away before they spoiled in the broiling heat. They'd started at top speed, Applejack bucking the trees with an impressively consistent rhythm, Matt doing Apple Bloom's job catching the falling fruit in a padded barrel to stop them bruising. They hardly had time to speak to each other, but the look of satisfaction as they finished a tree and caught each other's eyes, panting but smiling, was worth a thousand words.

But every time they cleared a row, every time they turned a corner, there seemed to be more trees, and yet more trees, just standing there, mocking them. Each row grew less and less satisfying; the smiling looks became scarcer; AJ's hooves began to ache; Matt's back was starting to hurt.

After a couple of hours, Applejack had had enough; she'd gone off to the toolshed and grabbed a few more barrels, as well as a heavy rubber mallet, which she carried in her mouth as if it was weightless but which took Matt a little by surprise when he felt its heft.

"Now...", she panted, between ragged breaths, "...you can... buck... too."

And so they fell into a new system, spreading the barrels on the ground beneath a tree, and alternating bucks - AJ would flex, and smash her rear hooves into the bark, bringing down a satisfying rain of fruit, and while she reared back for another hit, Matt would swing the mallet, hitting the trunk with a deep, sonorous "thunk", often accompanied by another sprinkling of apples. He was pretty pleased whenever he managed to get some to fall, but even when only one or two apples fell to the ground after one of his "mighty" swings, AJ would flatter him and say he'd loosened the others up for her.

Reasons Matt loved Applejack, #9501.

As noon approached, Matt couldn't remember the sun ever being this strong, not in all his time in Equestria. The heat was so bad, the sweat was running liberally into his eyes now, while Applejack was visibly struggling, the two of them sweaty and dirty and tired. It was so bad, Matt was thinking about asking AJ if she could somehow contact Rainbow Dash and arrange for an emergency rainstorm, or at least some temporary cloud cover, just to offer some relief from the scorching heat.

Matt looked over at Applejack, and saw her cooling herself in a patch of shade under a tree. He was a little surprised, but also grateful he didn't need to pretend to be able to tough this out any more. Instead, he dropped the mallet and walked over to sit down next to his marefriend, and they just sat there together in silence for a while, chests heaving, listening to the other breathing in and out.

"Water", said Applejack, suddenly, snapping Matt out of his daydreams.

"What?"

"Water", she repeated. "Ah think we need to go get some water, or ah'm like to fall asleep here listenin' to you breathin'."

Matt felt himself blushing through all the sweat and dirt and flushed cheeks, but got up and followed Applejack across to the well all the same, watching as she expertly drew up a pail of water and then poured it into a smaller bucket, hardly spilling a drop.

Like something out of a fairy tale, he thought, and a million miles away from New York City.

He made to walk up and have a go himself, but she stopped him with a raised hoof, and instead handed him the bucket of water, not making a face as she saw him clumsily slop some over the edge as soon as he took it, before she turned back to draw herself another pail for her own bucket.

Matt wanted to be a gentleman and refuse, or wait for her before he started to drink, but it was too damned hot for such pleasantries, and he eagerly raised the bucket to his face, gulping down several mouthfuls of water, not caring that some of it was spilling on his chin, his shirt, the floor, whatever. After a few hefty gulps, he puffed out his cheeks and lowered the bucket to look over at Applejack.

And then he dropped the bucket.

Instead of drinking, Applejack had picked up her bucket and dumped the entire contents over her head, pouring it through her mane. Her ribbon had come untied, and now she just stood there, soaking wet, eyes closed, loose hair plastered to her smiling face, just enjoying the cold water on her fur.

Matt immediately had a problem, and wondered if he could keep it under control by grabbing another bucket and doing the same thing himself before she noticed.

But then she opened her eyes, and looked straight into his.

Matt's resolve melted, and before he realised he was moving, they were kissing.

And then she looked in his eyes again, this time with a smirk, and put her front hooves on his shoulders, and began to push.

Before he realised they were moving, they were lying down.

"...holy fuck..."

Applejack giggles at Matt's traditional lack of eloquence.

"That good, huh?", she chuckles, but she's absolutely out of breath too, and it comes out more a panting whisper than her usual jovial laugh.

"...I ...uh... holy fuck..."

Applejack gives an amused snort, and snuggles herself up to him, and he brings his hand up to scratch behind her ear.

"Ah sure hope Granny didn't hear that...", she whispers, and his eyes shoot open. She giggles again, and Matt gives her a playful shove (or as close as he can manage, in his exhausted state).

She grabs her hat, still on the ground where it fell when she was at the well, and pulls it over her eyes as she snuggles back up with him.

"If'n anypony chances 'pon the two of us, lyin' here like this...", she whispers, "we just fell to sleepin'..."

Matt tries to nod in agreement. He wants to tell her how amazing she is. He wants to tell her how amazing his life is, now that she's in it. He wants to tell her he never wants to be apart from her, ever again. He opens his mouth to try and form the words, the words that will truly express just how he feels when he's around her.

"...Holy fuck..."

Close enough.

IV. What Happened That Afternoon

Nopony did chance upon them, and after what might have been a few minutes or a few hours, they managed to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and head back out to work as if nothing had happened. Although from the smirks and giggles they now shared each time their eyes met, it would be obvious even to a foal what had been going on.

"So," said Matt, after they'd cleared another row of trees.

"...So," smirked Applejack, meeting his gaze with a coy smile.

"That was... um..." he stammered, searching for the right words.

"Yeah," she finished for him. "Yeah, it was."

"I wasn't even planning on...", he continued, but she shushed him with another raised hoof.

"Ah know," she sighed, happily, "but maybe ah was. After our date last night, and after findin' out about all the love that's goin' around right now, and how happy everypony is... ah looked at you, and ah thought how strange it is for me to be part of that sort of thing. Y'know? Like... this is the sort of thing that doesn't happen to me. Only it is. You're real. This... this is all real."

She smiled at him. "There ah go again, huh?"

Matt smiled back. "I'm used to it."

They shared another long, happy look, and they drew closer, and for a split second it seemed like it's all going to happen again... but then Applejack shook her head and gave a chuckle.

"We really do got a lot of work to finish up," she said, half playful, half regretful. "Maybe we can pick up where we left off another time?"

"Count on it," smirked Matt. "How about I take some of these full barrels back to the barn, and you can have a rest, or buck a couple more while I'm gone if you want?"

"Sure," said AJ with a smile, already lining herself up for a powerful kick at the next tree.

Matt had finished unloading the apples into the storage bins, and was busy gathering up the empty barrels to take back to the orchard, when he heard a strange noise outside the barn. He couldn't quite place the sound, though it was vaguely familiar to him - a kind of rustling, flapping sound, followed by metal dragging in the dirt...

A pegasus landing, he thought to himself. Rainbow Dash, maybe?

He hoisted the stack of empty barrels up onto his shoulder, and stuck his head around the barn door; but the pegasus who was standing there wasn't Rainbow Dash. In fact, he'd never seen her before in his life; bright amber coat, orange and yellow mane looking uncannily like flames, and - weirdest of all - a blue jumpsuit rolled down around her neck, covering her legs and body.

"Matthew Williams?" barked the mystery mare, and he noticed she had a pair of old-timey aviator goggles slung round her neck.

"...Who wants to know?", asked Matt, suddenly wary.

"Name's Spitfire," she said, stiffly, "Captain of the Wonderbolts. I'm here to ask you a couple of questions."

"Wonderbolts..." said Matt, going through his mind for where he'd heard that word before. "You're the flight team, right? The guys Rainbow Dash wants to join?"

"That's us," said Spitfire, curtly. "So, are you gonna answer the questions?"

Matt looked at her. "Depends on what they are," he said. He'd had enough of asshole ponies in the last 24 hours.

"We aren't just a display team," said Spitfire, still eyeing the human with what could only be suspicion. "We serve Princess Celestia and Princess Luna as the elite air wing of the EUP. We're here," she continued, barging past Matt's question before he could interrupt, "to counter any and all threats to Equestria, and if need be, to neutralise those threats before they pose a danger to ponykind."

A danger to ponykind? What the hell? "I didn't just arrive here, uh... Captain?", said Matt, sounding aggrieved. "I've been here for months now. Princess Celestia herself sent me to live here in Ponyville, and she's questioned me lots of times. I'm not a danger to ponies."

"...Is what you would say, if you were a danger to ponies," muttered Spitfire.

"Look, Captain, I understand where you're coming from, and back on my world, local law enforcement had some issues when a bunch of ponies showed up out of nowhere, so it's not like I wasn't expecting this, but... I mean, I've been here for a while now, and nothing bad has happened..."

Matt's voice tailed off as Spitfire produced an alarmingly thick sheaf of papers from under her wing.

"Let's see," she said, perusing the notes. "Incident with Lyra Heartstrings... encounter with Changelings... aggressive behaviour at fashion show... involvement in bar fight in Dodge Junction..."

"I can explain all of those!" blurted Matt, but Spitfire ignored him.

"...Infiltration of the Elements of Harmony," she continued, looking up at him, "to the extent of apparently forming a romantic relationship with one of them?"

Matt gulped.

"...And now, you've somehow influenced Princess Celestia to pass a law allowing you to sleep with a pony," she concluded, at which point Matt exploded.

"It's not like that!" he shouted. "I am in love with Applejack! I never asked Celestia to do that, it was Applejack herself who told the Princess how she felt! And I'm not a threat! I'm a regular guy, stranded on a strange planet, who can never go home again, and who just wants to make a new life for himself!"

He fixed Spitfire with a glare. "And I'd appreciate it if you didn't make me sound like some weird alien pervert who only came here to... interfere with you ponies!"

Spitfire stared at Matt, her eyes boring into him, snorting as she pawed the ground with her forehoof.

Matt stared right back, not willing to back down one inch.

Spitfire continued to stare him down, eyes narrowing in anger.

Matt just stared right on back.

The silence hung heavy in the air for an unbearably long time.

And then Spitfire gave a grin.

"Glad to hear it, human. I hope things work out for you. But I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't check."

Matt gawped for a moment, before regaining his composure. "You were testing me?"

"Affirmative," smirked Spitfire. "We've had issues in the past with ponies, and other creatures, using magic to try and influence the Princess, or the nobility, or otherwise trick Equestria into letting our guard down."

She pulled the hood of her suit up over her head, and for the first time Matt saw the weird green charm thing she wore on a necklace.

"Magic dampener," said Spitfire. "It's meant to stop you hypnotising me with your weird alien magic." She noticed his look, and tapped it as she smiled. "We had to be sure."

"Did... did Princess Celestia send you?", asked Matt, no longer enraged but still pretty pissed off.

"Not directly," said Spitfire. "We - and the rest of the Equestrian military - have standing orders to protect her, or her sister, and to investigate in case one or both of them seems to be behaving strangely. No offence," she added, and Matt could see in her smile that she meant it.

"...None taken," said Matt, standing down a little. "This has just been another weird thing to add to the collection."

"Well, human, for what it's worth, you seem to be doing a fine job. Rainbow Dash spoke highly of you."

"Huh," said Matt, bemused. "That's good to know. Uh... Am I going to be getting any more of these visits in the future?"

"Not from us," said Spitfire, with a smirk, as she turned to leave.

"...How about from anypony else?", asked Matt, noting the non-answer.

"Human," smirked Spitfire, "if I were to tell you that, I wouldn't be doing a very good job, now, would I?"

And with that, the pegasus blasted off from the ground, her take-off surprising Matt with its ferocity as he watched her zoom into the sky, becoming a speck on the horizon in an instant before disappearing altogether. He shook his head as he heard hoofsteps behind him.

"Everythin' alright there, sugarcube? I was startin' to get worried about where you'd got to with them barrels you mentioned."

Matt turned to look at Applejack, the look of concern in her eyes stabbing him in the heart. "Just some more Ponyville weirdness for me to get my head around," he said, and she calmed down noticeably. "You ever hear of a mare named Spitfire?"

Author's Note

Sorry for the lengthy delay...! Thought I'd try doing a chapter in (mostly) past tense for a change, though I couldn't resist putting that one scene into my usual present...

Ooh, trivia. The chapter titles are all either film or music references, and I think maybe this one is the most obscure of all. Great song though.

Big Night Out, or, Only You Can Prevent Dumpster Fires

APPLEJACK notices Matt’s look of concern, and gently squeezes his arm with her front hoof in what she hopes is a reassuring gesture.

“Now, listen here, sugarcube,” she half-whispers. “Ah’m sure it’s all gonna be fine. Ah reckon all these ponies are all gonna be too busy eatin’ to take notice of us.”

She glances over at her brother, who looks equally uncomfortable.

“All of us,” she adds, pointedly, just loud enough so that Big Macintosh can hear. No answer is forthcoming.

“...Ain’t that right, Twilight?”, she asks, noting how tightly her friend is gripping Big Mac’s hoof with her own.

“Oh!”, says Twilight Sparkle, snapping out of her reverie. “Yes. I’m sure nopony will care. It’s just two couples, out for a nice meal. If they even notice us, I’m sure it won’t raise any eyebrows. We’ll probably be at a table right in the back, anyway. We’re all worrying over nothing! How silly! Ha ha ha!”

“Twi”, says Big Mac. “That smile of yours is scarin’ me a touch.”

“No it isn’t,” says Twilight, eyes flitting from side to side, her fixed grin getting somehow even creepier.

“It’s kind of a good point, though,” pipes up Matt. “I mean, you guys are famous for saving Equestria, and I’m an alien. People might stare...” he tails off under Applejack’s raised eyebrow.

“Ah ain’t famous,” says Big Mac. “Not really.”

“Yeah, maybe, compared to these two,” says Matt, “...but you’re huge. No offense. Nopony could miss you.”

Applejack rolls her eyes. “Look, ah’m not sayin’ nopony cares, or that nopony should care. What ah’m sayin’ is, you two love each other, right? And me an’ Matt love each other, right? So whether anypony cares or not, it ain’t none of their beeswax. Only ours.”

“Our... beeswax?” asks Twilight, face scrunched in confusion.

“Uh... Never mind. Hey, we’re almost to the front of the line!” Applejack gives Matt a small peck on the cheek; Twilight and Big Mac pretend not to have noticed. “Stallions first,” says AJ with a smirk, and Matt proudly steps forward.

Let them stare.

It wouldn’t be fair to say the maître d’ was fazed by the sight of Matt and Big Macintosh turning up at his station. Not exactly. Nonetheless, his stiff demeanour seemed to stiffen just that little bit more at the sight of the giant lumbering farmpony and the gangly two-legged hairless ape-thing in front of him.

“...You will want a table for four, I suppose?”, he sneers, without making eye contact.

His eyes briefly flit to their necks and shoulders, no doubt checking these “guests” have observed the dress code. It could be Matt’s imagination, but the pony with the coiffed eyebrows and pencil moustache seems almost disappointed to see that both Matt and Big Mac are indeed wearing the required jackets and ties. He’s busying himself pretending to look through his booking list, but Matt is pretty sure he’s not actually reading anything.

“So. Do you ‘ave a reservation? Only, as you can see, we are very busy this evening, and...”

His voice tails off as, for the first time, the maître d’ looks up from his podium to see Twilight Sparkle standing awkwardly at the back of the little group. He gulps, and runs a hoof through his slicked-back mane.

“...Twilight Sparkle? And... is it Applejack, too? Ah, mes amis, it is good to ‘ave you here at last! Two ‘eroes of Equestria!”

Twilight and Applejack look at each other, equally confused.

Big Mac and Matt look at each other too, although the maître d’ pony seems to be ignoring them altogether in favour of the two mares as he straightens himself up and clears his throat.

“(Ahem.) Allow me to do zis properly.”

Matt, Big Mac, Twilight Sparkle and Applejack all look at him with varying degrees of apprehension and bewilderment. The maître d’ isn’t paying them any attention, as he draws himself up to his full height to make what appears to be a memorised greeting.

“Welcome to ze ‘Ayloft, mesdames!”, he declares, with a stagey flourish. He appears to notice Matt and Big Mac for the first time, and quickly corrects himself. “Uh... mesdames, et messieurs.”

There is an uncomfortable moment of silence.

“If you would all like to follow me, I ‘ave your table ready.”

The four of them share an apprehensive look before following him into the restaurant, where their table is indeed set and waiting for them.

Oh, hell, thinks Matt.

The table is right in the middle of the restaurant. Dead centre. Even in the tasteful candlelight, everypony in the place can see them... and judging by the sudden silence that’s descended upon the Hayloft, it seems everypony in the place is doing just that. Dozens of pairs of eyes turn to look at them as they move to sit down.

Matt pulls out a chair for Applejack; the memory of the last time he held a chair provokes a little internal chuckle, and helps deflate some of the tension. Big Mac likewise draws a chair for Twilight as the foursome sit down.

All four of them share yet another look. Gradually, the soft murmur of conversation and tinkling piano take over again.

This could be a long night.

Applejack is uncomfortable, although she’s doing her best not to show it. Even in her Manehattan days, she was never one for all this frou-frou fancy stuff. Now, sitting next to her human coltfriend, trying to ignore the feeling of dozens of pairs of eyes prying into her back, she’s having flashbacks to those terrible dinners with Aunt and Uncle Orange, terrified she’s going to cause a gasp by choosing the wrong fork or something.

She’s not afraid of making a fool of herself, but rather of letting Matt down. It’s almost enough to make her pine for their last date together, again set up by Big Mac, except that one had ended in a bar fight. There has to be some kind of happy medium between “hoity-toity society pony nonsense” and “watching ponies sweep blood and teeth off of the floor”. Why can’t it just be like their first date? Just her, and him, and a candlelit picnic, and... all the stuff that happened afterwards?

Get a hold of yourself, girl, she thinks to herself. Matt deserves better than this.

Matt catches her look and tries to give her a reassuring smile. She tries her best to return the gesture, but she’s not sure how convincing she is. If he weren’t there, she’d have never considered setting hoof in this place.

She looks over at her brother and Twilight, who seem a little distant from each other; they’re not sitting as closely as Matt and Applejack, and they’re not saying anything to each other, they’re studying the menus with a fearsome intensity. She still doesn’t really know what to think of them as a couple; her brain hasn’t quite caught up with the idea yet. It had been a big surprise, or rather a series of big surprises.

"...Ahem."

Applejack's reverie is broken by somepony discreetly but firmly clearing their throat. She looks up to see a tall unicorn pony in a waistcoat and tie, standing at their table, levitating a pad and pencil ready to take their order. Shoot, thinks AJ, how long has he been standing there?

The waiter pony sees the diners have finally registered his presence, and smiles. "Ma name is Garçon Gourmet, and I will be your waiter for this evening," he says, softly. "Am I to understand, this is your first time 'ere at ze 'Ayloft?"

He gives everypony a friendly smile, even Matt, who reciprocates in kind. Unlike the maître d', this guy isn't snooty at all, and his question carries no kind of edge; he seems like he genuinely just wants to help.

"Yes," says Twilight, firmly, surprising even herself. "We are here on a double date, and we have no idea what we're doing."

The evaporation of tension comes with such relief the ponies can almost taste it. Applejack, Matt and Big Mac all burst into laughter, and Twilight and Garçon join in too.

"I quite understand," says Garçon, with a friendly smile. "And forgive me, monsieur, but I cannot 'elp but notice, you are not a pony - and you are not a dragon, or a griffon, or a yak, or a minotaur, or any other kind of guest we 'ave 'ad in the past?"

"I'm -" begins Matt, but Applejack cuts him off, with the hint of a frown.

"He's human, Mister Gourmet," she says, firmly, looking the waiter pony straight in the eye.

"Oh, I am always 'appy to meet new guests," says Garçon, his smile unwavering. "Monsieur - I apologise if this is awkward of me to say, but I only wish to make sure you 'ave a pleasant evening, and so I need to know what food you can eat. I would not wish to offend by offering you something... unsuitable."

"You, uh... don't have a problem with me being human?," asks Matt, cautiously.

Garçon looks shocked, as if the very idea had never occurred to him. "A problem, monsieur? Why would I 'ave a problem? No, I 'ave been a waiter for many years now, and it is a source of great pride to be able to bring my guests whatever it is they desire. But I would never dream of offering a pony a bowl of the rubies, or a dragon a joint of raw meat, or a griffon a plate of flower sandwiches, you understand? And since you are ma very first, uh..." - he struggles a little pronouncing the new word - "human, well, I 'ave no prior experience for to be able to improve your experience, non?"

Garçon pauses, waiting eagerly on Matt's response. He really does seem like a nice pony, he clearly truly is trying not to offend, and so Matt decides to help him out.

"Garçon Gourmet, it's a pleasure to meet you," he says, with a smile, and Applejack glows with barely-concealed pride. "My name's Matthew Williams, but my friends all call me Matt. I'm fine with vegetarian food... I can't eat hay, or flowers, but anything else you've got - fruit, vegetables, eggs, bread, rice, pasta... that's all good. I'm really looking forward to it."

Matt automatically reaches out for a handshake, before he realises what he's doing. Garçon stares, nonplussed, at Matt's strange, outstretched paw, with its weird spindly fingers. Cautiously, the bemused waiter pony reaches out and gingerly gives Matt a very light, very confused hoofbump. Matt quickly realises his mistake, and balls up a fist, gently hoofbumping Garçon back.

"Well, Monsieur Williams," says Garçon, apparently relieved to see his hoof not bursting into flames, "I am very pleased to 'ave made your acquaintances."

He draws himself up, proudly, a little stiffly, and his horn glows a gentle blue. Matt watches, fascinated, as four glass tumblers appear on their table, followed by a pitcher of water, which deftly and delicately tips to pour out four full glasses for the diners before disappearing again. Garçon is obviously concentrating hard on the spell, although you wouldn't know it to look at his face; he doesn't spill a drop, as he launches himself into another obviously-rehearsed spiel.

"Here at ze 'Ayloft, we pride ourselves on 'aving the perfect selection. Why don't I leave you fine fillies and gentlecolts, and, uh..." - he says it slowly, cautiously, as if testing the word out in his mouth, swilling it around like a glass of wine - "human, to 'ave a look at our menu? Of course, we 'ave many more dishes available which our chefs would be more zan 'appy to create for you, but zis will give you some idea of what we can do."

Big Mac practically snatches the menus from him. "Eeyup. That sounds great," says the obviously-uncomfortable red horse, the first contribution he's made to this conversation, clearly not eager to extend his participation any further.

Garçon notices, and doesn't comment; Big Mac notices he notices, and silently thanks him for it.

"I will leave you to think for a little while. Please, enjoy some of our bread while you are looking. I will return shortly!" With a bow and a flourish, Garçon withdraws, leaving the four friends looking at one another, slightly confused as to what just happened but definitely feeling better about the evening.

Making ponies happy was Garçon Gourmet's job, and luckily for Matt and Applejack, he took his job very seriously.

"It's a fine kinda place, this," Applejack half-whispers, loud enough for Matt and the others to hear, but not so loud that her voice travels to the other tables above the general murmur of the dining hall. "Ah was worried, first time ah ever came in the door, but it ain't all snooty like ah was fearin'. Ah wouldn't have brung you somewhere like that, sugarcube," she smiles, as much to Twilight and Big Mac as to Matt. "Ah mean, look at this here menu. Sure, they got all manner of that fancy frou-frou non-sense, but they also got corn dogs, they got grits, they got pancakes with syrup..."

"...they got a contract with Sweet Apple Acres for sixty bushels a month," interrupts a grinning Big Mac.

Applejack frowns theatrically, but she's grinning too. "Okay, yes, and there is that," she smirks. "But it's a good place for a date like this, ah guess. See, it ain't quite Canterlot, and it ain't quite Ponyville. Or maybe, ah should say, it's kinda both, like Canterlot with a Ponyville twist."

Matt thinks he follows now, but Twilight, unable to help herself when knowledge is being shared right in front of her, joins in with some unrequested further explanation.

"You see, Matt, there was never much call for Canterlot institutions here, and so most of the local businesses have adapted to the rather unique environment. Ponyville has always had something of a reputation for being, uh..." - she pauses, choosing her next words carefully, as if suddenly very aware that she's sitting at a table at a restaurant in Ponyville, with two ponies who happen to be from Ponyville, about to start badmouthing Ponyville - "...extraordinary", she finishes, with an almost audible sigh of relief at having chosen the right expression. "Nothing here is what other towns in Equestria might call 'normal', and that's just how everypony here likes it."

She smiles, warming to her theme. "Ponyville isn't a big town, not even by pony standards. But when it comes to making the national headlines, for magical weirdness or for ponies being heroes, well... we've got it all, right here. Home of all six Elements of Harmony, location of the return of Nightmare Moon and redemption of Princess Luna, headquarters under Discord's reign of chaos, battlefield for the whole future of Equestria, my assistant being a dragon, the zap apple harvest, the proximity of the Everfree Forest... welcome to Ponyville, right? Some ponies arrive here, take one look, and then turn tail and gallop away as soon as they can. But others - and I'm one of those ponies - we love this place so, so much, like we just know we'll stay forever. We find something here we haven't found elsewhere, something we couldn't find elsewhere. We find... home."

"I know the feeling," smiles Matt, a little wistfully, and Applejack gives his leg a squeeze with her hoof.

Twilight notices his expression, and quickly realises her faux pas. "Oh! I didn't mean - I wasn't trying to - I just..."

She's cute when she's flustered, thinks Matt, and decides to jump in before she gets any more wound up. "It's OK, Twilight," he smiles. "I meant what I said. I miss my family, and my friends, but I really do feel like this is my home now. I can't imagine ever living anywhere else now, not any more, and not away from Applejack" - she blushes, and Matt notices - "...and all of you, my new friends. Maybe I wouldn't feel the same if I'd landed somewhere else in Equestria, but Ponyville - and all the ponies in it - is just about the best place I could ever imagine living."

Matt winces in case he's just said something cheesy, but Applejack is just looking at him with adoring eyes. Obviously, he's said something right. He smiles back, and then, not wanting to break the accidental streak, he starts paying very close attention to the thick, gilt-edged menu.

He turns the page - a menu with actual *pages* is already an obvious step up from the places Matt has eaten out since arriving in Equestria, and he could swear he feels his wallet shivering in trepidation.

On this new page, something unexpected catches Matt's eye right away. There's a whole section of dishes that appear to be named in Spanish, and he recognises a lot of them.

"Huh!", he exclaims, louder than he meant to, causing his companions to look up at him. Sheepishly, he grins. "Sorry about that. I was just surprised, I recognised some of this food from back home. I didn't know there was a lot of Tex-Mex stuff here..."

"Tex-what now?" asks Applejack, face scrunched up in confusion.

"Uh, that's the human word for it, we named it after the places back home where we first started making this kind of food. I haven't thought about it in months, but now I'm thinking I should have some. Oh, they have quesadillas!", he grins, scanning a few more lines of the menu before he realises a deathly silence has fallen on the table.

Matt looks up from the menu to see three horrified faces staring at him. Or, more accurately, two horrified faces, and Twilight Sparkle's catatonic, thousand-yard stare.

Matt looks from pony to pony, hoping for an explanation of what he just did. None is forthcoming. "Uh... what just happened?", asks Matt.

"Shh, it's OK, Twi," says Big Mac, soothingly, stroking Twilight's mane as the unicorn stops hyperventilating and slowly returns to Equestria. "Ain't nobody gonna be bringing... those... to the table."

Twilight shakes her head, and now it's her turn to grin sheepishly. "It's not like I'm scared of q... of que... of that particular meal!", she insists. "It's no big deal! And it's definitely not that I get freaked out whenever anyone even says the word! Who's silly enough to be afraid of food? I'm not!" She gives a snorting, unconvincing laugh, but the grin is still fixed on her face, and she's clenching her teeth hard enough that her eye is twitching.

Matt glances over to Applejack, and they share a look, or a series of looks, having a whole conversation in four seconds using just their eyebrows.

"Really?", asks Matt's brow.

"Really," replies AJ, with the eyebrow equivalent of a resigned shrug.

"What do I do?", ask Matt's eyebrows, concerned.

"Move on, quick sharp," AJ's face replies. Matt is briefly confused as to why her eyebrows talk in a Southern accent. He loudly clears his throat.

"Uh, anyway, I don't think I want to try any of those... dishes," he says, warily, watching out of the corner of his eye to see if Twilight flinches. She doesn't.

Crisis averted, but now Matt is a little scared to make any more out-loud observations on what he wants to eat tonight. He finds himself wishing Garçon had just suggested something for him.

He hears a quill scratching on a pad, and is startled to find Garçon Gourmet standing next to the table again.

"So, mesdames et monsieurs. How may we at ze 'Ayloft delight your palates tonight?"

"I just don't know what to pick," says Matt. "It all looks so good. Can you, uh, maybe... recommend something...?"

"Monsieur Williams," smiles Garçon, with practised ease, "ma special ability 'as always been to 'elp choose the perfect food for every guest. Now... in your own case, from what you 'ave been telling to me, ma recommendation would be to 'ave..."

Quiet has descended on the table, as the four friends tuck into the huge quantity of food. Just as Garçon promised, it is delicious. They all share occasional looks and smiles, as if to reassure each other how much they're enjoying the food, but otherwise, not much is being said. It's not really awkward, though; now that Twilight has said what they were all thinking, that none of them know what's expected on a double date (or in a fancy restaurant, for that matter), they're all feeling much more at ease.

“This isn’t my usual kind of place, but this food is amazing, and Applejack deserves to have a nice night out,” thinks Matt. “She can see I can be a sort-of-normal coltfriend, someone who doesn’t get into bar fights every time we go out anywhere. Well, not every time, anyway.”

He smiles at her.

“This isn’t my usual kind of place, but this food is amazing, and Matt deserves to have a nice night out,” thinks Applejack. “He can see I can be ladylike, that everything I do doesn’t have to revolve around farming and apples and country life. Well, not everything, anyhow.”

She smiles at him.

“This isn’t my usual kind of place, but this food is amazing, and Twilight deserves to have a nice night out,” thinks Big Mac. “She can see I can treat her to a nice date, in public, that she doesn’t have to be scared, that I don’t just go quiet every time there’s lots of ponies around. Well, not every time, anyway.”

He smiles at her.

“This isn’t my usual kind of place, but this food is amazing, and Big Mac deserves to have a nice night out,” thinks Twilight Sparkle. “He can see I’m not always such a basket of nerves. Well, not always. And we can have a nice meal together. Ohmygosh, the food is really, really good. I wonder if these hay fries are from grass grown here in Ponyville, or whether they’re grown elsewhere and dried out here? I could ask Garçon, I suppose. I wonder if he's the sort of pony who likes to talk about food? Silly question, he's a waiter, I'm sure he is! Such an interesting subject, hay fries. First brought to Equestria by a visiting Saddle Arabian merchant, who used her talents for frying dried pulses and applied the same techniques to the plentiful local grass, thereby inventing a delicacy which even gained the approval of Princess Luna, back in the days before she was exiled of course. What was that merchant’s name? Oh, shoot, I can’t even remember off the top of my horn. I know it was in volume fourteen of Canterlot Chronicles, but I couldn’t very well bring the book with me on a date! And I certainly can’t go running off to the library to look it up! Even though I know that book is only two shelves up, and so I could be back here in around... thirteen minutes, give or take, provided I didn’t run into anypony on the way, although then again there’s no guarantee that Big Mac wouldn’t be upset if I left, even if I explained it was just to look something up in one of my books, or perhaps I could trim the time down by just teleporting over there, grabbing the book and teleporting back again, except it’s not exactly right next door, and so the drain on my magic might leave me a bit weakened and our enjoyment of the evening would be less than optimal; maybe there’s a mathematical solution whereby the amount of time spent away from the table, and the amount of magical energy consumed during said interval, can be counterbalanced against the social demerits I’d no doubt accumulate for being absent from the table during a double date like this, not that it being a double date is a problem! I bet, if I were to just use this napkin to sketch out a quick equation, I could establish the socially acceptable and magically optimal parameters for just such a situation, and maybe then send on the results of my research to Princess Celestia for peer review, and she'll be sure to say...”

“...Twilight?” asks Big Mac, concerned.

“Hm? Wha?” blurts Twilight, looking up suddenly.

“Ah didn’t think you was listenin’”, he says, slowly. “You’re, uh... you looked kinda spaced out there, and you was drawin’ on yer napkin.”

Twilight looks down. Her napkin is indeed covered in scrawled doodles, all mathematical symbols and runes and drawings of angles and marginal notes so tightly packed she couldn’t even read what she’d just written. She noticed she was also levitating a quill with her magic, and promptly let it drop to the floor in embarrassment, kicking it under her chair with an outstretched hoof as if that would make it disappear. Why had she even brought a quill with her to the restaurant? She wasn’t even sure she remembered doing that. Silly question, though, because when is it *not* a good time to bring a quill with you, since the moment could arise at any time when inspiration might strike, and to be left unable to write down what could turn out to be the seed of a scientific breakthrough, just for the sake of social niceties, even if those niceties *were* all to be nice to a pony who really was very sweet and very special to her, although she often had a funny way of showing it and...

“Twilight!” barks Applejack.

“Oh!” says Twilight, sheepishly, and blushes a bright red, bright enough to almost match Big Mac’s coat. “Was I doing it again? I’m so sorry! This is all just so strange for me!” She hurriedly corrects herself. “Not strange because of you guys, of course! No way! Ha! No, it’s just strange because I’ve never really gone out on dates before and now here we all are and it feels like everything is changing and I don’t know what it means, and I don’t usually like not knowing what things mean and it makes me want to do RESEARCH!”

She realises she’s jumped up on all four hooves on her chair in excitement, and everypony in the restaurant is once again staring at her, not least her table companions. Slowly, Twilight sits back down and shrinks into herself.

Big Mac puts a giant hoof around her shoulder. She looks up at him in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “Am I ruining everything?”

“Nope,” he says, and kisses her forehead. Matt and Applejack glance at each other, and share a little smile. She squeezes his hand under the table with her hoof.

"It's OK, Twi," says Applejack, reassuringly. "This is a mite strange for all of us, ah reckon. But as far as ah can 'stablish, there ain't no call to act any different than if we was eatin' at home."

She pauses, and looks over to Big Macintosh, and then to Matt, before adding: "Well, ah mean, maybe not our home, but, y'know, home in general. Say, is that the wine list?"

"Are you gonna be drinkin', AJ?", says Big Mac, with a hint of concern. The last few times he's seen Applejack get drunk, it's not been a pretty sight.

"Ain't you?", says Applejack, eyebrow raised.

"...Eeyup," says Big Mac, with a shrug.

"I'm still not sure," says Matt. "I don't want to just start on the cider before I really know how it'll affect me, you know? AJ's told me about the magic that goes into the making of it... Magic does unexpected things to me, and I don't want everypony here to see a drunken human stumbling around the place."

"They got beer," says Big Mac, matter-of-factly. "No magic in that."

"Garçon!" exclaims Twilight, suddenly, and everypony turns to look at her. "We'll have four ciders, please," she smiles, as the friendly waiter trots up. "And... four beers."

"Right away, mademoiselle," says Garçon, with a little bow, and Twilight smiles as she thanks him.

She notes her friends' shocked expressions. "What? I can handle a few drinks tonight, out here with my friends! Do you know why?"

She milks the silence for a moment, then produces something from under the table, with a theatrical flourish.

"...Because of THIS!", she beams, with her biggest, nerdiest smile, holding up... a scrap of parchment she's clearly torn from a much bigger roll.

Matt looks at Applejack, who just shrugs. He looks at Big Mac. No help there. He turns back to Twilight.

"What... does that do?", he asks, feeling a bit stupid.

Twilight rolls her eyes. "It doesn't do anything, Matt, it's a scroll. I copied these calculations from one of Starswirl's monographs on the metabolization of alcohol by carbon-based animals. Look!" She smirks.

Matt looks at the scroll. It is covered in indicipherable scribbles and diagrams, with tiny pictures of ponies and lots of columns of numbers. He looks up again. Twilight has a huge smile on her face, and she's waiting eagerly for his approval.

"That's, uh... great?", he offers, speculatively.

"I KNOW!", she beams. "I don't want to brag, but I totally have one of the only four surviving copies in all of Equestria! Even Princess Cadance doesn't have that one, and..."

She notices Matt, Applejack and Big Mac, all looking lost.

"...Anyway," she continues, "according to Starswirl's calculations, a pony can safely consume alcohol at a given rate depending on body mass and avoid the common effects of intoxication. I adapted the calculations for myself, also building in an allowance for specific strength of the beverage, of five per cent either way. Even Starswirl didn't think to add that in as a consideration, though I suppose there might have been less chance of variation in his day..."

She tails off again, as she notices everypony is still staring at her.

"Don't you see?", she giggles. "So long as I follow these instructions, and only drink at the specified intervals, I won't get drunk!"

Twilight is drunk.

"No, no, no!", she giggles. "I'm talking about something else! Something... difference! Different!" She gives an amused snort. "I think I ate those hay fries a little too fast. Well, not fast, that's kind of the point! I think I'm still hungry, though. Starswirl's calculations are... uh... hard to read."

"...That's a coaster, Twi," says Applejack.

"Starswirl's coaster is hard to read, then. Fine," pouts Twilight, before giggling again. "But I really don't think he'd mind if I had some more cider! We could ask him, I suppose!"

With lightning reflexes, Applejack leans across to stop Twilight from jumping on the table, knocking over an empty cider mug in the process.

"HEY! STARSWIRL!", giggles Twilight. "I summon thee! My question is this - thus? - I have questions for... thou? Thee? Ugh, I can't remember my Old Ponish pronouns properly for some reason. Uh... I mean... Starswirl! SHOULD WE HAVE MORE BEER?!"

Big Mac cups his hoof over Twilight's muzzle as she snorts with laughter. "Shhh," he chides, gently. "We got all night yet, Twi."

"Sure do," agrees Applejack. "And beggin' your pardon, but ah don't reckon your Mister The Bearded is gonna make an appearance just to guide you on your drinkin'."

"Spoilsport," laughs Twilight, and blows a raspberry.

"You're soundin' more like Pinkie Pie than Twilight Sparkle," giggles Applejack.

"Am not," pouts Twilight. "You're just saying that because you're haven't drink enough much as me."

"What?" interrupts Matt.

"More beer!" shouts Twilight.

"Is, uh, is that... a good..." begins Matt, but he's interrupted. A tray with four more bottles of beer floats over to their table, Garçon Gourmet clearly having heard Twilight's shout and interpreted it as a drinks order.

Twilight boggles for a moment at the sudden appearance of the beers, and then gives another amused snort. "Hey, look! As if by magic! Well, no, it is by magic, I suppose, but you all know what I mean," says Twilight, and collapses into fits of giggles. This time, Applejack joins in, taking a mighty swig from one of the bottles. Big Mac gives a shrug, and takes one for himself, the three ponies now all chugging beer in front of the flabbergasted human.

...Fuck it, thinks Matt, and grabs a bottle too.

"This is great," swoons Twilight, swooning and leaning into Big Mac. "I like having a boyfriend."

"Twilight, you're drunk," says Big Mac, reprovingly.

"No!", she giggles, before giving a snort. "Um, well, not much. Maybe a little. But..."

She turns to look at Applejack, and accidentally knocks one of the empty beer bottles on the floor. It doesn't break, but lands with a loud enough clongggg that everypony within a four-mile radius seems to turn and stare anyway.

"Quite a bit, actually," Twilight murmurs, a sheepish blush forming on her face.

"D'you wanna go home and rest it out?," asks Big Mac, tenderly. "Ah know you ain't usually much for drinkin'. Ah don't wanna ruin the night."

"Psh!" Twilight snorts again. "No, that's alright." She giggles a little. "Isn't my boyfriend sweet, though? Don't you guys think he's sweet?"

Applejack rolls her eyes. "Ah know him pretty well already, Twi," she says. "All mah life, in point of fact."

Twilight sticks her tongue out. "Alright, fine, you can be excused. But Matt still has to answer the question! Hey! MATT!"

Uh-oh, thinks Matt, having been quite pleased at staying out of this conversation so far.

"Matt?", snorts Twilight.

Matt seems to be extremely interested in the forkful of spaghetti he's holding.

"Maaaaaaaaaatt," giggles Twilight, in a ridiculous sing-song voice.

Wow, that spaghetti really is fascinating.

"MATT!" barks Twilight, and Matt starts in his seat.

"What?", asks Matt, exasperated.

"Don't you think my boyfriend is soooo sweet? And you guys are sooooooo sweet too." Twilight dissolves into more giggles.

Matt looks at her, and then looks at Big Mac, and wonders what he's supposed to say about the various relationships . He knows too much. He knows more than Applejack knows. He knows more than Twilight knows he knows. He knows more than Applejack knows Twilight knows he knows. And he knows Big Mac knows almost nothing.

Maybe it's the beer, but he can't get all those knows-es straight, and so he just hopes he can trust himself not to say anything stupid. And he really hopes Drunk Twilight won't say anything even stupider.

Oh, hell, she's looking right at him, and batting her eyelids in a mock-sensual way, just one step away from making kissy faces. If AJ notices this, there might be a full-on girl fight, right here in the restaurant.

Hey, that might be kind of... NO. Bad Matt's brain. Bad!

The Elements of Harmony are not going to be breaking up over the purple book horse having too much beer.

He decides to say something.

"I'm, uh... You guys are great together. I'm so glad you're a couple," he stammers. "Big Mac is a cool guy. Although he did throw me in the air one time."

Big Mac looks down at the table, with a sad puppy look on his face.

"...But I totally forgive him", continues Matt, rather hastily. "Big Mac, you're good with me."

Big Mac looks up, with a happy puppy look on his face.

Applejack, who either didn't notice the (hopefully) pretend flirting, or wasn't going to make anything of it, now decides to speak up. "You guys sure did surprise me, ah ain't gonna lie! But ah appreciate Big Mac told me first. Even if'n he didn't mean to."

"Huh?" asks Drunk Twilight, drunkenly. "He didn't tell you first. Matt already knew."

Applejack's jaw physically drops, and her eyes go wide. She turns to Matt, with that expression of total shock.

Thanks, Twilight.

He turns to face Applejack, who is giving him the grumpy scowl he knows means he's in trouble.

"You keepin' any more secrets from me, mister?", she says, accusingly. Matt can't help but notice her voice is unmistakeably starting to get slurred too.

"...All of this only happened because all of you keep asking me not to tell each other things!", moans Matt, exasperated. "All the ponies in this town are crazy!"

Twilight opens her eyes and nods enthusiastically in agreement. "See, that's what I said! See? It's not just me!"

Applejack punches Matt, quite hard, in the shoulder.

"Ah ain't mad," she says, cosying up to him.

"...Ow?" says Matt, pointedly rubbing his shoulder. "You could have fooled me."

"Aw, shucks," she drawls. "Ah'm awful sorry about that, sugarcube." She leans in close, as though to inspect the reddened arm, and then scrunches up her face, as if she's only just remembered Matt wears clothes. "Was meant to be a lil' thump, y'know? Playful-like. Although..." A huge grin crosses her face. "...Ah seem to recall you not havin' so very many reservations about a little rough and tumble now and again..."

"Hey, look, it's Garçon!", says Matt, almost in a shout, as the waiter pony passes their table. "Come on over, Garçon! And definitely don't let Applejack finish this sentence! I mean, uh, we need more... uh... stuff!"

"Eeyup." Big Mac looks relieved, but Twilight seems a little disappointed she won't be hearing more about this. Still, Matt's interruption has had the desired effect, as AJ has stopped talking and is instead nuzzling herself against his arm.

"Monsieur Williams," says Garçon, stifling a giggle of his own. "May we bring you and your party... some more drinks?"

"I'm not sure that's really the best idea -", begins Matt.

"Four more beers!" shouts Twilight.

"And some dandelion wine!", giggles Applejack.

Matt looks helplessly at Big Mac, who can only shrug a resigned "...Eeyup". Twilight is making exaggerated kissy faces, and he's trying to fend her off.

"...What they said", nods Matt, defeated.

"You never answered my question," slurs Drunk Twilight.

"I did," said Matt. "You guys are a cute couple."

"Oh yeah," slurs Drunk Twilight. "Sorry." She starts to giggle again.

Matt really doesn't think he can trust her to keep quiet if this carries on. Even without looking over, he can sense Applejack getting uncomfortable at all this out-in-the-open relationship talk; but nowhere near as uncomfortable as she'll be if Twilight suddenly blurts out she made Matt kiss her before coming back to Ponyville. Which Applejack doesn't know. Which Applejack must never know, or she'll buck Twilight's head in before anypony gets a chance to explain.

And what if Twilight blurts out that she tried to get Matt to kiss her before shuffling off to Canterlot? Applejack knows about that one, but Matt is willing to bet fifty bits to one that she hasn't mentioned it to Big Mac, and he definitely isn't keen on that becoming public knowledge. It must already be killing AJ to keep a secret like that from her brother, even if it is just to protect him.

Nope. Time to try and change the subject.

"Twilight, come on. Can we just..." he tries to cut in, but Giggly Drunk Twilight turns her attention back on him. Or, rather, on him and Applejack. He looks over; AJ looks about as comfortable with this as he is. Which is to say not at all.

"Now, you wanna talk about a cute couple," Drunk Twilight grins, "let's talk about you two! Yeah, I've seen the way you keep looking at each other! You guys are soooooo cuuuuuuuute," she slurs, before collapsing into another fit of giggles.

"Have some water, Twi," half-growls Applejack. "You'll feel better for it soon enough, ah promise."

Twilight looks at her hooves for a moment, seemingly distracted. She shakes her head, and immediately regrets it. "I think maybe I should head off to the little fillies' room for a moment. Splash some water on my face." She looks up, sheepishly. "I think I'm a bit drunk."

"Good idea," says Applejack. "Ya want me to come with?"

"No," says Twilight, and suddenly starts giggling again. "I don't want to drag you away from your boyfriend."

They can't see it, but both Matt and Applejack roll their eyes in perfect synchronicity.

"I bet he's a really good kisser, right?", giggles Drunk Twilight, and Matt almost falls off his chair.

Applejack looks away with a coy blush. Matt just glares. Big Mac is watching in amusement, though Matt is pretty sure he wouldn't be so amused if he knew what Twilight was talking about.

"Not that I'd know, of course," says Twilight, winking.

"Twilight!" growls Matt under his breath, but she just giggles and lolls against Big Mac's enormous shoulder with a big goofy smile on her face.

"I'll be back in a moment," she says, stumbling to her hooves. "Hey, I know! Shall I get us some dandelion wine on the way back?"

"NO!" three voices bark in unison.

Twilight gives an unsteady shrug, wobbles a little, and then trots off to the bathroom. She bumps into Garçon on the way, and whispers something in his ear. The waiter pony looks briefly concerned for a moment... but only a moment.

Another bottle of dandelion wine levitates itself onto their table.

"So... how come the Appleloosan oats are, like, three times the price of the other oats?," asks Matt, studying the menu, as Applejack starts her assault on her umpteenth mug of cider. Big Mac is busy shovelling hoof-fuls of the 'ordinary' oats into his face.

"I'm... not... sure," slurs Twilight, eyes derping. "I *have* always kind of wonderrrred what the diff'ence is between those oats and the ones here, the ones they have here, in Ponyville," she says.

"An inflated price tag," mutters Applejack, under her breath. Twilight isn't listening.

"Let's tryyy them!", Twilight rasps into Big Mac's ear. "Look at the menu!", she exhorts, levitating it out of Matt's hands before he can object. "Look! They're only a few... uh... a lot more bits than the Ponyville ones. And I would like to try. For, um, science!"

"There's no point, Twi," says Big Mac, gently. "They really ain't no different."

"But... but... RESEARCH!", whines Twilight, loudly.

"You bein' cheap for your date there, Big Mac?", guffaws Applejack, earning a sharp glare from her big brother.

"It ain't that!" says Mac, disgruntled.

Applejack giggles into her hoof. "Ah'm only teasin'," she says, giving Big Mac a conspiratorial wink before leaning over towards Twilight. "Ah do believe he'd spend his last bits to make you happy, Twilight."

Big Mac nods. "Thanks, AJ. Look, Twi, trust me on this one - we know the gal who grows 'em. She's family. Ah can say for a fact, hoof on heart, there ain't no difference I know of, 'cept the name." He pauses, and takes another mouthful of food. "If anythin', these Ponyville oats're better," he says, still munching, bits of chewed-up oats spraying on the table.

"He ain't wrong," confirms Applejack, nonchalantly wiping the oaty spittle off her cheek as she drains yet another mug. Matt can only watch in horror.

"But I wanna tryyyyyyy!", whines Twilight, giving Big Mac her best big puppy-dog eyes. "Come onnnnnnnnnnn, Big Mac!"

Other ponies are most definitely looking at them now.

Matt rubs his temples. "I tell you what. I will get them for us," he says. "If that's alright with everypony else."

"Eeyup," says Big Mac, with a shrug.

"Squeeee!" goes Twilight, with a manic grin, clapping her hooves together in delight.

"Well... aw, what the hay, if you're buyin', ah'm not gonna turn mah snout up at 'em. They're your bits," says Applejack.

Matt leans over and whispers in her twitching ear. "It's worth it to snap Twilight out of it," he says, and gives her a wink. She gives a beaming smile, and nuzzles his neck. Her breath smells of booze, and Matt briefly tries to count up how many drinks she's had already, before thinking better of it. She's doing OK. Better than Twilight, anyway. He calls Garçon over again.

"Can we get a platter of the Appleloosan oats, please?", asks Matt, trying not to seem like he's acting the big shot. He thinks he sees the merest flicker of movement from Garçon's eyebrows, but otherwise, the waiter pony is the very picture of professionalism.

"Of course, monsieur. I will return with them momentarily."

"And four more beers!" shouts Big Mac. Everypony else turns to look at him.

"What?", he asks, muzzle scrunched up in a quizzical expression. "I'm still thirsty."

"...And four more beers," confirms Matt.

This can't end well, he thinks.

There's a commotion, building to a murmur throughout the Hayloft. Matt and Applejack share a look; for a moment, the rest of the diners aren't looking in their direction, and they crane their necks to see what's so interesting.

"Looks like someone famous has arrived," says Matt.

"Can ya see who it is?", asks Applejack.

"No, but I don't know pony celebrities anyway, so I wouldn't recognise them even if I could see," says Matt.

"Here's hopin' they're more famous than us," says Big Mac. "Maybe then, some of these ponies will shake their heads and stop their starin' over here."

"These aren't any different from the other oats," says Twilight, frowning.

Applejack squints, and Matt looks over again to see what's happening. For just a fleeting moment, he gets a clear line of sight through the crowd of heads before his view is blocked again. He couldn't be sure, but that almost looked like...

"RARITY!" hollers Applejack, standing up on her chair, waving to her friend.

Everypony in the restaurant is looking at them again.

"Darling!" cries Rarity, as she trots over to their table. "Of all the ponies I thought might be here tonight, I must say you are one of the last ponies I expected to see!"

Rarity leans in and ostentatiously air-kisses Applejack on each cheek, while carefully avoiding smearing her make-up or mussing her hair, instead giving her farmpony friend a "non-hug" hug.

"It's good to see ya, Rarity," smiles Applejack, and pulls Rarity in close for a "hug" hug, squeezing her tightly. Big Mac and Twilight both giggle as Rarity struggles to extricate herself from her friend.

"Oops, sorry 'bout that," laughs AJ, and Rarity momentarily recoils from the smell of alcohol, glancing down towards their table, taking note of the growing number of empty beer bottles, cider mugs and wine glasses which Garçon hasn't yet had a chance to remove. She seems to be searching for an appropriate response, before Applejack jumps in again. "What brings ya here tonight?"

"Oh!" exclaims Rarity, snapping herself back to the present. "I am here with my coltfriend. He was a little self-conscious about us going out together in Canterlot, so I invited him to dine with me here in Ponyville. But I see you already had the same idea, no? Hello, Twilight. Matt, Big Macintosh."

"Your coltfriend?", begins Twilight, looking up from her expensively disappointing oats, before she catches sight of the big brown earth pony standing behind Rarity.

"Donut Joe!" she beams, and jumps up to give her old friend a hug. Matt raises an eyebrow, but nopony else seems at all bothered by the show of affection.

"Joe is an old friend from Canterlot," explains Twilight as she sits back down with Big Mac. "I often stop by whenever I'm back in the city. Rarity! I had no idea you were a couple now!"

"It seems there's a lot of that about," smirks Rarity, noting Twilight and Big Mac snuggling up together. "May I say, it's about time."

Twilight blushes, as Rarity straightens out her hair and gives Joe a peck on the cheek. Now it's the baker pony's turn to blush. Once again, Applejack gives Matt's hand a squeeze.

"Well! Here we thought we'd be the center of attention, stepping out as a couple," says Rarity, amused. "Instead, we find ourselves relegated to third billing. Fancy that!" She looks around, and spots Garçon in the crowd.

"Oh, Garçon, dear?", she asks, sweetly, fluttering her eyelashes. "I do so hate to impose, but do you think maybe it would be possible for us to have a table near our friends here?"

Garçon's previously unflinching demeanour visibly cracks before Matt's eyes, the waiter pony blushing furiously under Rarity's smile. "Anything for you, mademoiselle," he blushes, and trots back to the kitchen for supplies. Matt can only watch in amazement, as Rarity's sweet, wheedling smile disappears the second Garçon's back is turned, replaced with a victorious smirk and a knowing glance at Joe, who just smiles back with pride.

It's a good thing she's on our side, thinks Matt; he isn't sure the stallions of Equestria would put up much resistance if she were to turn evil.

"Oh!," exclaims Rarity, suddenly the picture of embarrassment. "This is all assuming you don't mind Joe and I butting in like this. If anypony would prefer, we can of course withdraw! And Joe, dear, I must apologise, I never even asked you whether you would be comfortable eating with all of us!"

Rarity turns to Applejack. "Although, I must say, it does come as something of a relief to run into you like this. I have been wondering how best to break the news of our... romantic attachment. I suppose that's that taken care of!"

Applejack gives Rarity and Joe a big smile. "Well, ah hafta say, congratulations to the pair of ya. Ah knew Rarity would find herself a good stallion one of these days."

Rarity squints at her. "You're, um... you're not surprised, Applejack?"

Applejack scrunches up her face. "Surprised? Yup, that's me. Surprised all over. Quite a surprise, this." Her eyes are flitting from side to side.

"...Matt already told you, didn't he?", says Rarity, flatly.

Applejack pauses for exactly twice as long as expected.

"...uh ... No?"

Rarity rolls her eyes.

"Well, I suppose we can be open now, since the cat is out of the bag, so to speak. Ahem. Joe, dear," she exclaims, loudly enough for anyone within fifteen tables to hear. "Would you mind awfully joining me for dinner with my friends? I know it isn't quite the romantic date I promised you, but..."

Applejack puts a hoof across her friend's chest. "It's OK, Rarity. Ah got this," she interrupts. She looks over to Donut Joe.

"Joe, ah meant it when ah said ah was pleased for Rarity findin' herself a good stallion. Ah was real happy when ah heard the news. Ah'd be honored if you'd sit with us, for sure..."

Joe starts to fidget nervously, but Applejack continues.

"...but ah reckon you might like a lil' more privacy, am ah right? Why don't y'all ask Mister Garçon there to set you up with a nice quiet booth? All o'these ponies starin' like their eyes is stuck... It don't bother me none, not any more. We can take the gawpin' for ya, for tonight."

Joe looks at Applejack in silent relief, and nods in frantic agreement. Rarity watches him turn away to find Garçon, and mouths her thanks to Applejack before turning to join him. It's Matt's turn to swell with pride, and he squeezes his amazing marefriend's hoof in solidarity.

"So... ah reckon you just earned us another course, AJ," grins Big Mac, interrupting the moment. "You wanna order something else?"

"Don't get the oats," murmurs Twilight.

"...Matt, was there somethin' you wanted to try?", asks Applejack. "Other than, y'know, the, uh..." - she whispers behind her hoof - "Q word?"

Matt looks over the menu again, and smirks to himself. "Would it be too corny if I said I actually kind of had a hankering for some... apples?"

"That would be apple-y, not corny, silly!", comes a familiar voice, from a direction Matt can't quite pinpoint. Matt recognises who it is immediately, but that doesn't stop him being physically knocked off his chair by the aftershock from a pink motion blur bouncing across the table. Beer and oats go flying. Matt's pants are wet. He really, really hopes it's beer.

"PINKIE!", snarls Applejack, unamused.

"...Pinkie?" says Matt.

Twilight looks up blearily at her friend, who has just stage-dived across their table, and who is now sitting on it with her hooves crossed and a serene, smiling expression on her face, as though she's meditating.

"Would you like some oats?", asks Twilight.

"So, uh, Pinkie," says Applejack, ignoring Twilight. "What, uh, what are ya doin' here?"

"I came to deliver some cakes!" says Pinkie, eyes still closed. "Only then I was walking back through the kitchen and I looked over and I saw a table with my four amazing friends sitting there, and I said to myself, Pinkie Pie, I said, that looks like Applejack and Matt and Twilight Sparkle and Big Macintosh! And it looks like they're having super fun, and I thought, what could make a super fun evening even more super fun? And the answer was, BALLOONS!"

"...What?" asks Matt, taken off guard. He's getting used to Pinkie Pie by now, at least so far as anyone or anypony can 'get used' to Pinkie Pie, but even he wasn't expecting that.

"You know! Balloons!" says Pinkie, suddenly appearing next to Matt in a conspiratorial huddle.

"What are you talking about?" he asks.

She looks at him in confusion for a moment, and then her eyes widen in apparent sympathy. "...Wait, do you not have balloons back where you come from? Oh no, that would be just the saddest thing ever! Poor Matt!"

She strokes his hair in an attempt to comfort him. He looks at her, more confused than ever. "I know what balloons are, Pinkie! I just... why would you want balloons on a date? And you haven't got any balloons."

Pinkie's eyes widen even further, her pupils narrowing to tiny pin-pricks, her mane somehow becoming even poofier and more unruly. She lets out a dramatic gasp, before clutching Matt close to her.

"Okay. First of all, I've always got balloons. And second of all, this is a date? Oh! That's so fun! No! Wait! That's not fun! Not that kind of fun! You know what? You definitely don't need balloons for that! NO BALLOONS! Oh no! I'm interrupting! You guys are all on a date! I'm... a party crasher!"

Her lip wobbles ominously.

"It's OK, Pinkie", smiles Applejack, taking the opportunity to gently prise her bewildered boyfriend from Pinkie's grip. "Just... can ya lower yer voice a touch? Folks are kinda starin' at us again."

Pinkie looks around, and sees Applejack isn't wrong; ponies hastily look away as soon as she makes eye contact, but there was definitely a lot of staring going on.

"You got it, Applejack! I'll be just the quietest pony ever!" Pinkie leaps up with a huge grin, making a triumphant (and very loud) SQUEE! noise, before stopping in mid-air, her eyes popping open in sheepish embarrassment. She slowly drifts back down, as Matt watches in astonishment.

"Oops! I was being all loud again. Oh! Sorry! I interrupted! Again!"

"It's OK," says Big Mac, with a smile.

"Phew! Thanks, Big Mac! I was worried you'd be cross with me for interrupting again, and... Oh no! I interrupted again! Oops! Sorry!" She mimes locking her mouth and throwing away the key.

"But, Pinkie," says Applejack. Predictably, Pinkie only shrugs and mimes towards her "locked" mouth. Applejack rolls her eyes, but Matt can see the beginnings of a smile there.

"You can talk," says AJ, and Pinkie mimes finding the key on the floor and unlocking her mouth. "Phew!" she says. "That was hard work! Keeping quiet like that? No thank you!"

She pauses. "But I'd totally do it for my friends!"

Matt suddenly finds himself, Applejack, Twilight and Big Mac smooshed together with Pinkie in a giant five-way hug. The pink party pony looks happier than ever as she squeezes her friends tight to her.

Before anypony can process what's happening, Pinkie is gone.

Matt looks at Twilight and Big Mac, who both look as stunned as he does. Applejack looks over to him with a sympathetic smirk.

"Some night, huh?", she grins. "Ah wonder if anypony else is gonna show up?"

Matt is about to answer, but before the words can come out, another loud shout rings across the dining hall.

"Ohmygosh! AJ?"

"...Rainbow Dash?!"

"...so they make us wear these stupid formal clothes, right? And they're nothing like the ones Rarity makes. Some factory in Cloudsdale churns these things out. I should totally recommend they speak to Rarity next time I get to talk to Spitfire."

Rainbow Dash downs the dregs of her umpteenth mug of cider.

"And Soarin is all, 'you gotta go to this thing, Dash, it's good for morale', and I'm like, 'it's not good for my morale hanging out with a bunch of reserves in a fancy restaurant just because we all happen to live near Ponyville!' I mean, I love all my friends, and I'd never let the Wonderbolts down, but come on, I know I'm faster than any of these guys. I got here first, didn't I?"

"I, uh, don't think it's a race to see who can get here first...", Applejack tries to interrupt, but to no avail.

"Yeah, yeah, sure, but answer me this, what self-respecting wannabe Wonderbolt would wanna be the one who shows up last to a reserves dinner?" She gives a confident smirk. "Not me, that's for sure. Hey, is anyone gonna eat those oats?"

Twilight pushes the plate over to her, and Rainbow starts shoving them into her face. "So, what are you guys all doin' here?"

"We're, uh, meant to be on a double date," says Applejack, firmly. Rainbow Dash doesn't pick up on the undertone.

"That's awesome!", she says, between mouthfuls of oats.

It's Twilight's turn to try now. "We were, um, enjoying being together. Just the four of us."

"That's cool", says Rainbow, clearing the plate. "We can totally hang out until the other reserves show up. Hey, can we get some more drinks?"

Applejack is about to interrupt, when Rainbow drags a chair over to their table. Garçon Gourmet immediately approaches.

"Mademoiselle Rainbow Dash," he says with a smile. "It is good to see you again, but ze table for your party is over zere."

"It's quite alright, Mister Garçon", says Applejack, with a shrug. "Rainbow is gonna sit with us for a spell while she's waitin' on her friends."

"Slowpokes aren't even here yet, can you believe it? And ya don't have to call me 'Mademoiselle Rainbow Dash' every time I come in here, Garçon," grins Rainbow. "What did we agree last time?"

Garçon grits his teeth and smiles. "Very well... Dash," he sighs, the informality clearly paining him. "Shall I bring you some more drinks?"

"You know it," giggles Rainbow, and Twilight starts giggling too.

Matt and Applejack share a look.

Rainbow leans back in her chair, and then stops as she feels something unusual. She reaches behind her back to find what's brushing against her wing, and pulls out... a green balloon?

She frowns in confusion. "Uh... Was Pinkie Pie here?"

"I was!", chirrups Pinkie, suddenly sitting next to her.

"GYAAAH!" Rainbow leaps in shock. A dozen pairs of eyes stare at the startled pegasus as she floats back down to table level. "Uh, I mean... Hey, Pinkie. 'Sup?"

"Oops! Sorry Dashie! I didn't mean to scare you!"

"Ha! Please! Scare me? I was just, uh... excited to see you!" bluffs Rainbow Dash. "What are you doing here?"

Matt and Applejack share another look.

"Heyyy!", says Pinkie. "Does this mean we can all hang out together after all? Only I was hiding over there so I wouldn't get in the way of Applejack and Twilight and their big double date, but now it looks like it's a friends party after all!"

"I know, right?" says Rainbow Dash, leaning back on the chair and stretching out her wings in nonchalant fashion. "And Garçon is gonna bring us some more drinks. Hey, we should get some more dandelion wine! That'll help sort the ponies from the foals, when the other reserves finally decide to show up!"

Matt and Applejack share a third, increasingly concerned look.

"That sounds super fun! Hey! Garçon! HEY! BRING US SOME DANDELION WINE!", shouts Pinkie, and every single pony in the restaurant turns to stare again.

Matt and Applejack don't share a fourth look, because Matt is too busy facepalming.

"It's a shame you can't eat hay, you're missin' out."

Matt grimaces, and then chuckles. "It's really a pony thing, I think. Don't worry, this is plenty good for me," he says, taking another bite of the delicious apple cobbler. Almost as good as AJ's, he thinks.

Rainbow and Pinkie are unconvinced.

"So... are ya sure? Like, what would happen if you tried a mouthful, huh?", asks Rainbow, eyebrow raised.

"I don't think anything would happen, Eyebrow. Uh... Rainbow. But it wouldn't taste good to me, and I wouldn't be able to swallow it. I might choke or something."

"So you don't even wanna *tryyyyy*?" says Pinkie, in her most wheedling tone.

Matt puts his head in his hands, while a blur of pony voices swirl around his head.

"Don't make the poor colt do things he's not comfortable with."

"Pffff! It's just hay! He'll be fine!"

"...Uh, ya think maybe he can get a word in for hisself?"

"Hay! Hay! Hay! Hay! Hay!"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Hehehehe! Can everypony be a bit less noise? Please please please? Ooh, are you going to eat that, Big Macintosh?"

"Nnope."

"(giggly snort)"

"Ugh. Sappy."

"Hay! Hay! Hay! Hay! Hay!"

"Yeah! HAY! HAY! HAY!"

"I AM NOT EATING HAY!" shouts Matt, and then realises that, for the 158th time tonight, he has gained an audience of a restaurant full of gawping ponies. He slumps back down into his chair, as the pony chorus gets distracted by something else, and starts loudly discussing it at length.

"This is fucking ridiculous," he mutters to Applejack. "I'm glad you're here, I wouldn't want to have to try and explain it to you later."

He winks at her. "I'm glad you're here, full stop."

She smiles back. "This is turnin' out to be a mite more... eventful than ah thought," grins AJ, and puts her hoof on Matt's hand. "Reckon we should prob'ly call it a night soon. Twilight's... had enough," she says, looking with some concern at the nearly-passed-out unicorn, sitting there with apple cobbler smushed on her face while her friends gesticulate and argue animatedly about whatever the hell they're now talking about.

"Probably," agrees Matt. "Are you OK?"

"Ah'm just dandy," says Applejack, giving him a smirk. "Ah can hold mah liquor a touch better than these fillies."

"Can NOT!", barks Rainbow Dash, out of nowhere.

"Can so," says Applejack, "but ah ain't makin' it a competition or nothin'. Ah learned mah lesson never to go out drinkin' with you and Pinkie," she says.

Matt opens his mouth, briefly considers asking for more of this story, decides against it, and closes his mouth again.

"Well, ladies," says AJ, stretching out her front legs as she gets to her feet, "ah do believe we're gonna be callin' it a night. Twilight, y'all gonna be OK? Ah know mah brother is gonna look after you..."

"Eeyup," nods Big Mac.

"I'll bet," snorts Rainbow Dash, earning herself a clip round the head from Applejack.

"Just be safe, ya hear?", continues AJ, ignoring her friend's creasing up with laughter. She looks over to Matt. "Ah reckon we ought to get outta here before Fluttershy shows up or somethin'."

Matt has been in Ponyville long enough to know exactly what's going to happen next, but it doesn't stop him banging his head on the table when it happens anyway.

"...and so I wouldn't usually come to collect these scraps during business hours, but Angel really wanted a cherry and I didn't know where else to go at this time, and... Oh! Eep!"

"Hi, Fluttershy," says Matt, without raising his head from the desk.

"...Hi, girls," says Fluttershy, frozen.

"Hey, Fluttershy," calls out Applejack. "Me an' Matt are headin' off home now, but you're welcome to stay here with the others?"

Fluttershy is still frozen to the spot, which looks a bit strange considering she's hovering a few inches off the ground, eyes wide as satellite dishes. Matt looks up to see what's happening, and then realises who Fluttershy is staring at.

Fortunately, Rainbow Dash is now arguing about clothes with Rarity. Something about compression shorts versus a frilly hemline. It's getting heated. Pinkie has produced a referee's uniform and whistle from somewhere, and is trying to break it up. Twilight is now snoring happily, muzzle in the apple sauce. Big Mac looks over to Matt for support.

Nope.

Applejack extends her hoof to Matt, who gladly takes her arm-in-arm.

"Goodnight, ladies," says Matt. He turns to Big Mac. "It was good to see you guys," he says, honestly.

"Eeyup," says Big Mac, but he's looking at happy sleeping Twilight. She's gathered the dishes around her as some sort of makeshift pillow, while he tries to scrub some of the food from her face.

Applejack pulls Matt away, with a smile.

"Just another night out with the Elements of Harmony, huh?", he asks, not quite sure what just happened.

"Ya get used to it," smirks AJ, and pulls him tighter. Heh, he thinks, at least I'm not in trouble any more.

On their way out, they walk past Garçon at the bar.

"Uh... Mister Garçon?", says Applejack. "Can we square what we're owin' right now, and then leave the others to 'tend to the rest o' this later? Only, ah think those guys are, uh..."

She looks back over towards their table, where Rainbow Dash is now attempting to down an entire plate of hay, and even Rarity is giggling her encouragement.

"...gonna be here a spell," says Applejack, a little shamefaced.

If Garçon is at all fazed by any of this, he doesn't show it. Instead, a bill magically appears in front of him. "Bien sûr", he says with a nod and a smile. "Whenever you are ready, mes amis."

Matt smirks. Beautiful girl on his arm, fancy restaurant... it's time. He's been waiting to do this his entire life.

He pulls out the bag of bits he brought with him tonight. Pretty much all his savings since he arrived in Equestria, all the money he's made from working on the apple farm, but, well, fuck it, what else is he gonna spend the money on?

Matt drops the bag of bits on the bar with a theatrical flourish. "Keep the change," he says, as suave as he can possibly manage, grin as wide as the Hudson.

Applejack rolls her eyes in mock irritation, but from the extra squeeze she just gave him, Matt can tell his gesture wasn't completely wasted, even if he never gets to do that again in his life.

Totally worth it.

"I think I'm going to like it here", he mutters to himself.

"You better," snorts Applejack, as she pulls him close.

They wander off into the night.

Author's Note

Is anyone still reading this? (Haven't had any up or down votes or comments in forever)...

I'm having fun writing it anyway. One more chapter to go!

An Ending (Ascent)

MATT can only watch in horror as the trapeze swing breaks, sending Pinkie Pie falling, screaming, down towards the circus tent floor, into the crowd of panicked ponies, who start to stampede in all directions, when -

no, wait, now they're outdoors, and Pinkie's still far above, still falling, and Applejack is there, calm as ever, rope between her teeth, lasso spinning furiously around her head, ready to catch Pinkie before she lands, and -
and Matt gradually opens his eyes, and the bright light and the colours and the shapes gradually resolve themselves into the increasingly familiar surroundings of his bedroom...

something's not right

...his treehouse bedroom, with its gnarled, wooden walls formed from the very roots and bark of the tree itself, and his too-small but very comfortable bed...

Something's not right.

...which seems smaller than ever today, because he doesn't remember being squished up on one side like this before. Come to think of it, he usually wakes up by stretching out, but he doesn't seem to have enough space to do that today, because...

SOMETHING'S. NOT. RIGHT.

Matt jerks upright, in the special kind of instant panic that comes with suddenly finding out you aren't as alone as you thought you were.

"Mornin', sleepyhead," says Applejack, and Matt turns to look down at his marefriend, propped up on the pillow, brushing her mane out of her eyes as she playfully cuffs him on the cheek. "What'cha been dreamin' about?"

"Applejack!" blurts Matt, and AJ winces for a moment, before smiling and trying to shush him.

"...What are you doing here?" he hisses, trying to stay quiet as his heart rate slows back down.

"Well, that's a fine way to greet your marefriend first thing in the mornin', ain't it?", she huffs in whispered mock annoyance. "Ah crashed out here last night, we ended up walkin' here from the restaurant and ah didn't want to walk on over to Sweet Apple Acres, so ah stayed the night." She takes note of his incredulous look. "Aw, nothin' happened, sugarcube, you didn't miss nothin' good. Though ah gotta say, ah do remember this bed bein' more comfortable in the past..."

"I shouldn't complain, waking up to find a pretty girl in my bed," smirks Matt, and Applejack gives him another playful shove on the shoulder.

"Flattery will get ya everywhere," she giggles. She notices a bruise on Matt's arm, and has a flashback to the previous night. "Did ah do that? Ah'm awful sorry."

"Yeah," says Matt, rubbing his arm. "After you found out I knew Twilight and Big Mac were a couple before you did. Which I'm really sorry about," he adds, quickly, before she can frown. "I hated keeping a secret from you, but I felt like I'd be a real shit not keeping that secret, not when we weren't trusting Twilight and Big Mac with ours."

She fixes him with a look, but she's not angry, or at least she doesn't seem to be. "So long as you ain't keepin' anythin' else hidden in there, ah think we're good", she smirks.

Matt hopes beyond hope that his smile doesn't look too fake. "...Does Twilight know you're here?", he asks, now rubbing his sore head instead of his sore arm.

"Ah don't believe so. Truth be told, ah crashed out pretty quick once we got in, and she weren't back from the restaurant yet. And you was already snorin' on my chest by the time I dropped off."

"Hey, I do not snore!", blurts Matt, indignantly. Applejack just giggles, and is about to say more when she's suddenly interrupted.

There's a knock on the door. Matt and AJ share a quick look, silently asking the other what they should do.

"Are you guys both awake?", Spike's voice sounds through the door.

"Come in, Spike," says Matt, pulling the covers up to his waist as Applejack fumbles for her hair bands. The little dragon pads into the room, apparently completely unfazed by the sight of the couple obviously having spent the night together.

"Sorry to wake you up, but I need your help with Twilight," he says, voice filled with concern, and any embarrassment Matt or Applejack felt is quickly washed away by worry for their friend.

"Hold on a sec, Spike," says Matt. "Just let me get dressed and I'll be with you in a moment."

"Ah'll leave you to it," says Applejack, tying a ribbon around her tail and grabbing her hat from the nightstand. "Spike an' I will wait outside while he fills me in on what's happenin'."

Matt watches his marefriend closing the door as she trots out behind Spike.

"What did you guys do last night?", he hears Spike ask, and he can picture Applejack's face as she tries to answer.

"Twilight," coos Applejack, through the closed bedroom door. "You can open up this here door, sugarcube. It's just us."

"I'm never leaving this room again!", comes a despairing wail from the other side.

"It's all gonna be fine, Twi," whispers Applejack, as softly as she can manage.

"It is not going to be fine!" snaps Twilight. Apparently, any hangover she's got from last night's shenanigans isn't stopping her from shouting.

"I made a fool of myself in front of every pony in Ponyville! I just know word will have already got back to Princess Celestia. Now I'll be in the newspaper, and the Princess will probably disown me as her student, and all because I couldn't read a stupid monograph and I drank too much stupid beer!"

"Ah wouldn't count on that," says Applejack, rolling her eyes at the others crowded on the little library landing. "An' even if'n it were true, your friends are out here waitin' to see you. Me an' Matt was there the whole night. You didn't do nothin' worth all o' this fuss. Trust me, ah'd be the first pony to tell you otherwise if'n it weren't so."

(A pause. Applejack, Matt and Spike all look to one another, wondering what to say or do next.)

Finally, the door opens just a hair, and a timid little voice chirps through the gap.

"...Do you really think so? Really?"

"Really," says Applejack, kindly but firmly. "And one more thing. Ah can say for sure mah brother wouldn't be too pleased to find you shuttin' yourself away like this forever, so ah reckon that plan still needs some more work."

The door opens wider, and Twilight's droopy-eared face slowly emerges.

"...I'm sorry I made such a mess of everything," says Twilight, looking at the floor.

Applejack steps forward and pushes the door open some more, clutching up Twilight in a warm hug.

"Don't go thinkin' on it any further, sugarcube," she says, stroking Twilight's mane. "Ah ain't plannin' on it. And for the record, ah had a fine evenin' last night."

"...But what if everypony hates me now? Or laughs at me in the street? And what about the princess?", says Twilight, face still buried in Applejack's shoulder.

There's another moment of silence, as everyone ponders what to say next, when...

BRAAAAAAAP

...suddenly, the tension is broken by Spike letting out an enormous loud belch.

"I'm never going to get used to that," mutters Matt, leaning aside as a whoosh of magical flames appears and Spike reaches in to produce a tightly-furled scroll.

"It's from the Princess," says Spike, somewhat unnecessarily. There's another moment of silence.

"...What does it say?", asks Twilight, timidly.

Spike unfurls the scroll and clears his throat before starting to read.

"My dear Twilight Sparkle," reads Spike, apparently unsure whether to put on some kind of voice when reciting Princess Celestia's words. "I understand from some friends in Ponyville that you enjoyed an evening's entertainment in public last night, and that you were seen with a male companion. I also hear some members of your party may have enjoyed a number of beverages..." Spike tails off, unsure whether to continue.

"Oh no..." squeaks Twilight, from under Applejack's mane.

With an imploring gesture, Matt urges Spike to carry on.

"...Please rest assured," continues Spike, nervously, "...that I have already spoken with my contacts in the press this morning, with a view to clearing up any unfortunate misunderstandings they might have formed as to the events of last night, and after I had made the true position clear, we were all very much in agreement that nothing took place that might remotely be considered a news-worthy occurrence. I do however expect to talk with you soon so that we can 'catch up' - she's, uh, put that bit in quotes - and especially about this colt friend - she's put a big space between the two words there - I hear mentioned so often in these reports. Please do not worry, my faithful student. Everything will be alright. Your friend, always, Princess Celestia."

More silence descends.

"I mean... that's good, right?", asks Spike, still nervous.

"Ah reckon so. You see, Twilight? So, it all worked out just fine," says Applejack, with a reassuring smile. "Wouldn't you agree, Matt?"

Suddenly, Matt has two ponies and a dragon staring at him, waiting for a response.

"Uh... Yeah! Right. It was, uh, an... interesting night," Matt sort-of agrees. "It definitely went better than the last time I took AJ on a date. And I promise I don't think any less of you, or Big Mac, or our friends, for anything that happened."

He pauses for a moment. "Well, maybe Rainbow Dash, a little bit. But, uh, no, I had fun."

He looks around, as if he's only just noticed something. "Um... where is Big Mac, anyway?"

"Oh, he went back home after he dropped me off here," says Twilight, wiping her eyes as she disentangles herself from Applejack's hug. "He was the perfect gentlecolt, as always. I don't think we're at the stage in our relationship where we're really ready to be..."

She slowly looks up at Matt, and then at Applejack.

"...spending... the night..."

She looks at Matt, and then at Applejack.

"...here..."

And then at Matt, and then at Applejack.

"...together."

There is an extremely long, extremely uncomfortable pause.

Applejack loudly clears her throat.

"So, uh... are y'all wantin' breakfast? How 'bout ah go fix us some pancakes? And maybe some coffee?"

"...That would be nice," nods Twilight.

Matt mops up the coffee he just spat all over the table, and the others studiously pretend not to see. "Can we maybe not talk about this right now?", he asks.

"Agreed," calls Spike from the next room, through a mouthful of pancakes.

"Hey, I'm no prude!", says Twilight, slightly too loudly. "I've read plenty of books on the subject! I don't care what you two get up to! And I certainly can't put up a cogent argument against you two having those kind of... relations, in the library as opposed to anywhere else, if you want to put it that way."

"I don't," says Matt, but Twilight ignores him.

"I guess I was just... surprised, I suppose," she finishes, and looks to Applejack for her thoughts.

"Well, you can rest easy on that score, sugarcube, on account of there weren't no funny business last night. Ah were too plum tuckered out even if'n ah wanted to get to it at mah friend's house, which ah wouldn't do anyway. Ah just needed someplace to sleep, and the bed looked as comfy as anyplace else." She smiles. "No offence, Matt."

"None taken," he mumbles through the faintest hint of a scowl, but Twilight brushes past his interruption.

"...I just didn't realise you two were that serious," she says, nursing her own coffee cup.

"Well, we are," says Applejack, and pulls Matt close to her. "Ah don't know how you ain't picked up on it before. Every time we're around each other, one of us is like to come out with some cheesy remark about how much we love each other."

The word just slipped out, and for Twilight it hangs heavy and intrusive in the air, something to be discussed immediately... but neither AJ or Matt reacts in the slightest. By now, for both of them, it's just too obviously true, so obvious it doesn't even merit further discussion.

They love each other.

Twilight opens her mouth to say something else, but changes her mind when sees how Matt and AJ are just staring into each other's eyes. She might as well not even be there. Instead, she just sighs and finishes off her coffee.

"These were really nice pancakes, Applejack," she says as she stands up. Applejack gives her a beaming smile, the kind of smile she hasn't really seen directed at her since Matt arrived in Ponyville.

"You're welcome, Twi," she smiles, and finishes off her own last pancake before getting up to clean the dishes.

"Here, let me help," says Matt, and the two stand and clear the table together.

"Y'know," says Applejack, with a smirk, "ah do believe this is the first time we've gotten together for breakfast without mah family bein' around. You could almost say, this was kinda like a first da-"

"Don't say it!", shouts Matt, a little louder than he meant to, and his heart is in his mouth for the briefest moment as Applejack looks up in surprise.. and proceeds to move in and nuzzle him, even with her hooves full of dishes. Matt returns the impromptu hug, and they just stand there, pressed tightly against each other, not moving, just enjoying being in each other's space.

Twilight just watches them for a moment, before giving a little shrug and trotting off to see Spike.

"You go on now too, Matt," says Applejack, gently disengaging herself, already loading dishes into the sink. "Ah got this. You go an' change into a shirt that ain't quite so... coffee-stained, and we can maybe go out for a canter, get some air, clear our heads a little bit?"

"You sure?" asks Matt, squeezing Applejack back into another impromptu hug. "I like being around you."

"Me too," smiles AJ, as she grabs a sponge with her teeth and drops it into the water, scrubbing the first plate with her hooves. "And it sure was nice wakin' up beside you again. But ah think we ought to maybe get out from under Twilight's hooves for a spell, and ah don't really want to go back to the farm just yet... and seein' as how we don't have nowhere else to go an' be together, well, ah reckon clean dishes and a clean shirt and we're good to go."

She gives him a peck on the cheek, and gets back to scrubbing.

"Yeah, you're right," sighs Matt, making a big show of his mock disappointment.

"Ah know ah am," says Applejack, not turning around, but Matt can tell she's smiling.

As Matt pulls on a clean shirt, he thinks over what Applejack said.

Somewhere to be together.

They don't have somewhere they can just be together, with no roommates or grannies or anyone else likely to barge in unexpectedly or turn up around an orchard corner. They don't have somewhere that's just theirs.

Somewhere. Together.

He's never thought about this before, but it seems so obvious he now wonders why it never came up. A plan forms in his mind in seconds, right there in his little storage cupboard turned bedroom, all the details immediately in place. He knows exactly what he's going to do. He's never been so sure of anything in his life.

"All done, Matt... Ya comin'?"

"I'm coming," he replies, tossing the stained shirt into the laundry. He takes another look around his room, and then out of the window, out towards Ponyville, out towards his future. The rest of his life. With the pony he loves.

"I think we're going to like it there," he says, to nobody in particular.

He closes the door behind him.

Author's Note

The (canon) story continues in Chapter 13 of MaxBeezy's epic My New Life in Equestria. Go there now.

A Third First Date, or, The Luck of the Shirish

NEITHER Applejack nor Matt had ever really been big on the slushy romantic stuff. (Although both of them had a real talent for it, according to the friends who'd been around whenever one of them said something particularly cheesy.) Both of them were pretty no-nonsense when it came down to it. Clichés weren't for them... and in any case, based on their experiences, they didn't seem to apply.

They say when you find The One, it should be obvious straight away, and everything should just click.

Click, my ass, thinks Matt.

That theory had already been put to the test pretty strongly during the course of their getting to know one another. There'd been no end of hurdles before Matt or Applejack had finally admitted their feelings, including (in no particular order) a press scandal, run-ins with conceited Wonderbolts, a fake affair for PR purposes, copious amounts of vomit, several injuries, a near-death drowning experience, some farcical scenes of trying to keep things secret, and an abduction by a shapeshifting queen which had introduced the term "sexy kidnapping" to Matt's vocabulary.

Score zero for the "instant click" theory.

The idea that a couple who are truly in sync with one another will start to develop an almost telepathic relationship, each being able to read the other's moods and thoughts unspoken, should probably have gone in that pile too... but, as Matt and Applejack cautiously trotted up the dusty road towards the, ahem, "restaurant", they really were both thinking the exact same thing. As a half-full whiskey bottle sailed through the air and smashed into pieces on the ground in front of them, they looked at each other in alarm, and as their eyes met, they each knew what the other was thinking at that moment, with no need to say it out loud; their frowns and raised eyebrows said it all.

...I am going to kill Big Macintosh.

Matt had been uneasy from the start. Allowing Big Mac to set them up with a low-key, out-of-town date for his first time out in public with Applejack had seemed like a good idea at the time. Or, OK, maybe not "good", but definitely "not terrible". Or was it terrible? AJ had agreed to it quickly enough, he reasoned, so it was her fault too.

Still, as the week went on and Big Mac had refused to give him any more information beyond "Friday at seven", Matt's initial sort-of-confidence in the plan had begun to trickle away.

When Big Mac stopped talking to him altogether, instead responding to any of Matt's questions by getting a weird look on his face - part sinister, part goofy - and giving a secretive chuckle, that trickle of doubt became a stream.

When Friday afternoon came around and Big Mac still hadn't told him anything further, the stream of doubt was a river.

And when AJ had brought him an envelope she'd found somehow pinned inside her hat as she changed after work, and they opened it up to find two train tickets to a town Matt had never heard of, and some scribbled directions to a place called the Golden Shamrock where they apparently had a reservation for two, the river of doubt had burst its banks and become a mighty flood, sweeping away everything in its path.

Now, sitting on the train as it hurtled through what looked like a desert landscape, across the table from his marefriend, Matt could only tread water and wonder what the hell he was letting himself in for.

AJ knew Dodge Junction better than she would have liked. In one of her less proud moments - although, a moment largely caused by pride in the first place, so, go figure - she'd run away here, far from her family and friends, her shame at not being able to bring home any rodeo prize money leading her to try and leave her entire life behind while she tried to piece herself together again. Only an intervention from her friends helped her snap out of it and come back home to Ponyville, stronger and wiser for the experience...

...kind of.

Stronger and wiser, sure, but also rather sheepish: for having fallen apart so easily, for putting her friends through the trouble of tracking her down and bringing her back... for letting her friends see her acting so weak.

If Matt had been there, she thinks to herself, watching his nervous face as he stares out of the train window, I'd have been just fine. He'd have known what to say.

Now, here she was, heading back to a place that still held some uncomfortable memories, alongside the happier ones. Why would Big Mac send them here?

She tries to focus on the happy memories instead. Blue ribbons, big prizes, hoedowns, old friends, new friends, friendly ponies getting drunk, AJ getting drunk... There had been some good times. Though, as far as she can remember, none of them took place in a restaurant. Definitely not this "Golden Shamrock", which she can't actually recall ever having seen.

Come to think of it, Applejack realises, she can't recall ever actually seeing a restaurant in Dodge Junction at all.

Lost in her thoughts, she realises Matt is now looking at her with a quizzical expression.

"Everything OK, AJ?", he asks, concerned.

"Fine an' dandy," she replies. Her incredibly unconvincing delivery is not helped by the shifty expression she suddenly adopts, scrunching up her face, eyes darting from side to side.

For Applejack to lie, she must be pretty worried for him. Matt knows better than to call her out on it. Instead, he tries to lift her spirits a bit. "So... looking forward to our date?", he asks, breezy as he can.

It does the trick. "Sure am," she smiles, and the gleam returns to her beautiful green eyes. Or it could just be the sun getting lower in the sky. Either way, Matt thinks, it's pretty.

"I guess," she says, putting her hoof to her chin in thought, "this is really our first date, in a manner of speakin'. Ah mean... we already don't count the hoedown..." - she looks at him with a huge smile - "or, y'know, what came after..."

Matt grins back at her.

"...and then, in the barn, the picnic, the candles, our first real date... that's always gonna be a special one for me," she says, dreamily. "But nopony knows about that, 'cept for the Princesses. An' just between you an' me, although ah reckon you already know how much ah love mah family, there ain't no way in Tartarus ah'm gonna consider sittin' down to table with Granny and mah brother as a proper date. So... ah guess, in a way..."

Matt laughs. "How many 'first dates' do you think we can get through before we finally close that book?", he asks, not really looking for an answer. Applejack, giggling, fixes him with a sultry look.

"As many as we can handle," she smirks, raising an eyebrow.

The reason Applejack couldn't remember ever seeing a restaurant in Dodge Junction was simple enough. There weren't any.

Big Mac had promised to set things up for her and Matt, and the reasoning had been sound enough. In the wake of Princess Celestia's grand proclamation, every pony in Equestria had to have figured out that Matt was in a relationship with a pony; even though the new law was worded as though it applied to any and every human in Equestria, since there was actually only one of those, it had to be him, and it had to mean he'd at least spoken to Celestia about dating a pony. There was just one question on everypony's lips: so, who is it?

Since that kind of pressure isn't exactly romantic, Big Mac had come up with a plan. Have a date away from Ponyville, in public and yet out of the public eye, someplace where nopony knows your name, or cares if your date is a human... have a grand old time, and then let the news filter back until everypony can deal with it.

Sound enough, except Applejack wasn't just any pony.

Six heroes who'd saved Equestria multiple times, reunited Princess Celestia with her long-lost sister, defeated Discord and Queen Chrysalis, restored the Crystal Empire, but still lived (relatively) normal lives in Ponyville. None of them courted fame or fortune, and the Princess herself had done a lot - at their request - to damp down their celebrity status a little, but even so, word gets around, and ponies read the papers. Just ask Lyra.

Still, this looks like the kind of place where ponies keep themselves to themselves. Turns out, the Golden Shamrock isn't a restaurant at all. It's a bar.

"Shirish?" says Matt, brow furrowed in confusion. "You mean Irish?"

"Huh?" says Applejack, confused in turn. "Ah don't know what that is. You never heard of Shireland? Where shire horses come from?"

Matt is starting to understand. Manehattan, Fillydelphia, Las Pegasus, Prance... Shireland. The shamrock thing suddenly makes more sense.

"We Apples got a little Shirish blood in us, goin' way back somewhere in the bloodline," AJ continues. "You can tell with Big Mac. What with his build, and his name, and the fact he don't talk too much, he gets taken for Shirish quite a bit. So ah guess it kinda figures he'd be comfortable in a Shirish bar. Ah'm guessin' he thought we'd feel the same way. The big galoot. He still has a fair bit to learn about romance, ah guess."

Matt says nothing. He assumes that, with him and AJ out of town, and Twilight alone in the library, Big Mac is likely right now spending some quality time with the marefriend Applejack doesn't know he has. But that's a problem for another day. Right now, he's walking up a dusty street that looks for all the world like a Hollywood backlot dressed as a Wild West set. It should be a quiet evening, but it's not. He can make out some of the sounds from among the din; raised voices, laughter, glasses clinking, glasses breaking, loud thuds as though someone has dropped a huge sack of potatoes on the floor... and what sounds like a game of pool.

And they're heading towards a bar at the end of the street, and the noise is getting louder, and that faint hope Matt nurtured - that maybe all that noise wasn't coming from the same place they were heading - finally gives up and goes home. He'd be tempted to join it, except for the lovely earth pony by his side. They agreed they wouldn't dress up for this, having been assured by Big Mac it wouldn't be a problem - no shit, he thinks - but she's pulled out her ponytail and brushed out her hair, and now her mane and tail both hang loose, and it's adorable.

Applejack hides her trepidation well, much better than on the train, even though she knows the telltale sound of a pony falling from a bar chair (or being pushed), and it seems to be happening a lot up ahead. But, screw it, she's with Matt now. And he looks great. She'd done her best to urge him not to dress up too much, and he's pretty much just wearing his normal work clothes, but Rarity had done a great job on them, tailoring his shirt and pants to fit his changing body. And show it off, she thinks with a quiet inward smirk. Too late, Rare, he's taken. He's polished his boots. And he's wearing his hat. Applejack always liked it when he wore his hat.

Both of them steal glances at each other. Both of them are thinking the same thing: Maybe this won't be so bad after all.

At which point, that whiskey bottle came flying out from behind the saloon door, smashing on the ground right in front of them.

Applejack and Matt have only a moment to look at each other and silently curse Big Mac's name before the doors swing open again, and an enormous unicorn pony comes flying out, landing in a heap on the path next to the shards from the broken bottle.

"I don't suppose unicorns can levitate themselves like that...?", Matt asks, already knowing the answer.

"Some of 'em can, ah think," answers Applejack. "But this guy just got himself tossed out by security, ah reckon." She canters over to inspect the massive gray unicorn. he's snoring, out cold on the dirt. Luckily, he didn't cut himself on the broken glass.

"Looks like one of the Royal Guard. Must be on furlough," says Applejack. "A lot o' the Royal Guard are from shire horse stock, if you go back far enough," she explains, to nopony in particular. Matt just shrugs. This guy looks about the same size as Big Mac.

Somewhere in the little frontier town, a clock strikes seven. Applejack looks at Matt with a half-smile and a resigned shrug. "Guess we should go find our table," she says, sounding none too sure of herself.

Matt takes her hoof in his hand, and together they push the saloon doors open and step inside the bar.

Despite being a movie fan, Matt hadn't watched too many old Westerns. Still, the scene playing out in front of his eyes was very familiar, and he'd seen Star Wars enough times to recognise what kind of scene he was in. As soon as he and AJ strode through the doors, all the cacophonous sounds of the saloon had stopped, and thirty pairs of eyes turned their way to see if there was going to be some trouble. Almost a cliché... except it was happening in real life, in real time, right now.

One of the pairs of eyes belong to an older earth pony, with a dark coat and silvery mustache; he squints, and then smiles, and trots over to the new arrivals.

"Burnt Oak?" says Applejack, with a quizzical look on her face. The pony tips his hat with a grin, and just like that, the noise of the bar starts up again, as if someone pressed some magical "Play" button somewhere; as Applejack and Burnt Oak share some words he can't quite make out, all across the bar conversations strike up again mid-sentence, glasses clink, somepony belches, a log crackles in the fireplace... and... music?

At the back of the bar, as Matt's eyes adjust to the light, he sees there's a battered old upright piano. Then, he sees the pianist, a unicorn with a dark blue coat and visible stubble, using his magic to turn the pages and chain-smoke cigarettes without missing a note. It's impressive to see; while most of the bar patrons, including Applejack, probably find this about as mundane as he'd feel watching someone use a vending machine back home, Matt is transfixed, as the dark blue unicorn lights his horn, levitates a lighter and a cigarette, floats the spent butt from his mouth and replaces it with the new one, all while intently reading the music from the grimy, nicotine-stained songbook propped in front of him, flipping the pages and flicking cigarette butts away, all in one continuous movement.

"Ah, play somethin' more lively, Max, would ya?" comes a voice with a strong Irish accent, strong enough to take Matt by surprise; the unicorn acknowledges the request by just barely tilting his head, and all of a sudden the music changes, and Matt realises he's staring, probably not a great career move as an obvious stranger in a strange town, in a bar full of strange ponies.

"Matt," says Applejack, tugging his shirt sleeve to get his attention. "I'd like for you to meet Burnt Oak. He's from back home in Ponyville, but ah don't recall the two of you havin' met 'afore now."

"From Ponyville?", repeats Matt, as AJ gives him a look, and his brain slowly fires up again. If they didn't know the news was going to travel before, they did now. "From Ponyville, right. A pleasure to meet you, Burnt Oak. I'm Matthew Williams."

"I know who you are," smiles Burnt Oak. "I was just on my way out, but seeing a familiar face... I've known Applejack by sight for a while. She never needs to buy anything, though!"

"Burnt Oak sells firewood in the market," Applejack explains. "But seein' as how we have the orchard..."

"As for you, Matthew Williams, I've seen you around town..." - he pauses for a moment - "...and, uh, in the newspaper..."

Matt is suddenly blushing furiously. "That story, with the picture? It wasn't what it looked like, or what the paper said it was, or, uh, anything, really. It was nothing. Literally nothing."

Hearing himself say it out loud doesn't help Matt's denial feel any more convincing, even if it's absolutely true. Burnt Oak raises an eyebrow, and looks as though he's about to say something, but thinks better of it.

"Well," says Burnt Oak, composure restored, "I best be on my way. Applejack, you give my regards to Granny Smith, you hear?"

Before AJ can answer, they're interrupted by the Irish voice Matt heard earlier, the music critic.

"Well, now," says the voice, and Matt sees its speaker for the first time. Another gigantic earth pony, the same build as Big Macintosh but somehow even bigger, with an off-white coat, his cutie mark covered over with a greasy-looking travel cloak or something. "What do we have here, then?"

"No trouble, Sgian Dubh," says Burnt Oak, tipping his hat. "These two are guests. They're here for some food." He turns to Applejack. "This is Sgian Dubh", he says. "He owns the place."

Matt hesitates for a second, but Applejack steps forward, bright and bold. "Well, howdy, Mr Dubh. A pleasure to make yer acquaintance," she says, doffing her hat.

"Mh," grunts Sgian Dubh, a deep frown on his face. He barely looks at her. He's still inspecting Matt.

"We, uh, have a reservation for seven o'clock?", continues Applejack, trying to break the ice. "Ah'm Applejack, and this here is Matthew Williams..."

"Uh-huh", comes the grunt in reply. This time, Sgian Dubh hasn't even bothered to pretend he's looking at Applejack; instead, he's taking in every detail of the weird creature standing in his bar.

"...but you can call him Matt, on account of that's what everypony does. Matt... is... my coltfriend," she finishes, pushing the last words out as if against some kind of invisible resistance.

They have an effect, if not necessarily the desired one. Sgian Dubh looks at her, then back at Matt, then her, then Matt again. Then, he turns round and gestures to a table in the far corner, next to what Matt thinks definitely must be a pool table.

As he turns, his cloak moves in the light, and Matt realises it's some sort of tartan cape - maybe the pony equivalent of a kilt? He looks away quickly; the last thing he needs is to spend all night explaining to some crazy giant pony why he was staring at his rump.

Sgian Dubh leads the couple over to the table. He slams down an ashtray, and walks off again without a single look back, muttering something under his breath. Matt can'tcatch any of the words, but he doubts they're anything complimentary. As Applejack seats herself on one of the chairs by the table, Matt tries to sit down on the other, but the sizing is slightly awkward and he finds himself sitting slightly too low, his knees facing upwards with his boots on the floor. He smiles at Applejack with a shrug, and she smiles back, noting his predicament. A glint of amusement passes across her eyes, and then her lips, and she gives a little chuckle, and Matt can't help but join in... he knows she's not laughing at him, but rather at the absurdity of this whole situation, and he definitely agrees.

"This is crazy," she whispers to him with a smile. "Are you doin' OK?"

"I'm fine," says Matt, and he's surprised to realise it's true.

A menu skitters across the table. Matt looks up to see it was thrown there by Sgian Dubh, who is openly scowling now. "Food's on there," he grunts.

"Thank you," says Matt, automatically. A couple of the drinkers at the bar look around to see who spoke. Sgian Dubh doesn't move; he stares at Matt for a good five seconds, looks him up and down again, and then turns and walks behind the bar without a single word.

"Friendly guy, isn't he?" says Matt, under his breath. "Never mind me, are you alright?"

"Ah'm fine," smiles Applejack. "Fair warnin', ah'm about to say somethin' cheesy."

"Shoot," grins Matt.

"As long as we're together, ah ain't bothered none by what anypony else thinks. And, hey, look at this menu - some of these don't sound half bad at all. In point of fact, ah think ah know what ah'm gonna choose."

"Let me see if I can guess," grins Matt. He leans forward to take the menu, but bangs his knee on the underside of the table. "How come the furniture is smaller here?", he asks. "I haven't had much problem back at Sweet Apple Acres."

"Look around you, you big goof," she says, rolling her eyes. "Most everypony in here is from shire stock. Sgian Dubh knows his customers, ah'm guessin'. If'n the chairs were a good size for regular ponies, these guys would be towerin' over the tables."

"I have so much still to learn about ponies," says Matt, with an amused shrug. The amusement vanishes from his face a second later, as he feels a hoof clamped on his shoulder.

"That ye do," came another Irish-sounding voice. "And I'd tell ye, the first thing ye need to be learnin', when ye walk into a Shirish bar with a pony on yer arm, ye'd be well advised to just sit yourself down and listen, before ye get too loud. If ye catch my meanin'," the stranger says.

Matt looks up to see where this voice is coming from. Yet another enormous earth pony, this one with an emerald green coat and vivid red mane. "Name's Shillelagh," he says. "Noticed the two of ye straight away. A word of advice: not every pony in here knows who ye are. Either of ye's," he clarifies.

"Well, howdy-do, Mr Shillelagh," says AJ, in the exact same tone she'd used with Sgian Dubh a couple of minutes ago. "It's a pleasure to make..."

"...My acquaintance, yeah, I heard it the first time, miss. I'm trying to help the two of ye's here. Like I was sayin'... not every pony here knows who ye are. And some o' the ones that do, may not be wholly approvin' of what they see. D'you follow me, friends?"

Matt eases up at that last word; up until now, he'd been having some trouble reading the situation, but Applejack had apparently remained calm the whole time, and on hearing Shillelagh call them "friends", he reasons they aren't in immediate trouble. He smiles, and Applejack shoots him a quick smile back.

Something is off, though. Matt is becoming a connoisseur of Applejack's facial expressions, and right now, the smile on her lips doesn't match the look in her eyes. It's only the merest hint of a clue, something nobody - or nopony - who didn't know Applejack intimately would pick up on, and certainly AJ hasn't given him any kind of overt signal at all. Could this just be Matt's overactive mind, seeing threats where there were none...?

He thinks to himself for a moment, and looks at his marefriend some more. No. This is definitely... Something is wrong. She's telling him to be alert.

Some fucking date this is, Big Macintosh.

"So, Mr Shillelagh," continues Applejack, sounding almost Pinkie-esque in her cheerful demeanor. "Ah do appreciate you givin' us this friendly heads-up. Were you lookin' to, uh..." - she drops her voice and continues in a much lower whisper - "...were you lookin' to warn us about somethin' in particular?"

Shillelagh smiles, and Matt notices one of his teeth is broken and hasn't been capped. It's the first time he's seen such a thing in Equestria; Twilight informed him not long after he arrived that Equestrian dentistry was both excellent and largely reliant on magic. There's no reason for Shillelagh's tooth to be left like that, unless it's to appear intimidating, and oh fucking hell.

"Ye're quite the sharp one, miss," says Shillelagh, in a quiet drawl. "The last thing I want to see is some kind of violence, all because some ponies just can't deal with the way things are. I shouldn't be sayin' this to ye, but I can tell ye must be a trustworthy sort, and I'd hate to see any... harm come to the two of ye."

"So, uh... what do you know?", whispers AJ. She's still smiling. Something is definitely up.

Shillelagh looks from side to side, making sure nopony is watching. It looks like they're all too busy drinking. Matt is on full alert now; he's seen enough gangster movies to know when trouble is brewing. The big green pony leans in confidentially.

"Some ponies - ponies who frequent this very bar - are of the mind that a creature such as yourself..." - he looks straight at Matt - "...no offence meant, Mister Williams."

"None taken," says Matt, smiling. He's not sure he's as convincing as Applejack.

"These ponies are of a mind that a creature such as Mister Williams here should not be indulgin' in whatever sort of behaviours with a pony. None of my business, as far as I'm concerned, I'm just lettin' ye know where the land lies. These same ponies... I have to tell ye this, don't be offended... have a pretty low opinion of anypony who might, um, how do ye say... reciprocate the advances of such a creature. They feel... well, ye don't need me to say..."

"Go on," says Applejack, quietly.

"...They feel that, regardless of what... you-know-who said in her proclamation, it's not proper and fitting for anypony to be encouragin' some creature to..." - he looks away for a moment - "...to breed wit' ye." He looks up at Applejack again. "No offence meant at all here, ma'am, but they have some very strong opinions about the moral character of a pony such as yourself who might walk into a bar hangin' off the arm o' one of them creatures."

Matt is already feeling his blood rise, hearing Applejack being trash-talked by some asshole pony nationalists, even hearing about it second-hand. Applejack, though, has remained placid; she only visibly tightens up when Sgian Dubh stomps back over to the table. Seeing Shillelagh with them, his frown deepens.

"What are you talkin' about with our... guests" - he practically spits the word - "here, then, Shillelagh?" he growls.

"Oh, ye know, the usual... the weather, the greyhounds, that sort o' stuff. Things bein' different here than in Ponyville, an' all o'that." Shillelagh gives Matt and Applejack a look, warning them to play along.

"Well," says Sgian Dubh after a long pause, his voice so low and oily now that it almost sounds more like a gurgle than actual words, "you take care now."

Shillelagh waits until Sgian Dubh has stomped back behind the bar. "Ye ain't safe here, so ye aren't," he whispers. "I don't know fer sure, but just to be safe, I'd get meself out of here if I were ye. I don't know just how many of 'em there are who agree with... that." He nods, meaningfully.

Applejack leans closer to him. "Ya think we oughta... leave? Like, just make our excuses and say our goodbyes, and get on out of Dodge?"

Shillelagh nods earnestly. "Like I said, I'd hate fer ye's to have any trouble, just on account of how some ponies can't get with the program, sure they can't," he says, shaking his head sadly. "Look, I think some o' the ponies I've made mention of are watchin'. I know Sgian is for sure. I'm goin' back to the bar, so I am. Give it two minutes, an' then make yerselves scarce."

"Are you gonna get yerself in trouble, just for talkin' to us?", says Applejack, her voice tinged with concern for the first time.

"Don't you worry about me, miss, I can take care of myself, sure I can," says Shillelagh. "I wouldn't be much of a pony if I didn't stand up for what I believe to be the right thing. Just be sure and not get drawn in yerselves," he adds, before standing up to his full height. He really is huge, thinks Matt.

"The very best o' luck to ye both," Shillelagh says loudly, drawing the attention of several drinkers, before heading back over to the bar. Sgian Dubh looks up, and scowls at him.

"He knows Shillelagh warned us," whispers Matt.

Applejack looks back at Matt, still smiling that weird fake smile, and then half-whispers under her breath. "Somethin' ain't right about that Shillelagh fella. He wants us to leave... but ah'm not convinced it's because he's concerned."

"What do you mean?"

Applejack narrows her eyes for a second, before her expression goes back to the fake smile again. "Let's just sit here, and order some food, an' act normal," she whispers. "Ah think we're bein' watched..."

"I don't know how many of these guys are in on this, but I think you're right," says Matt, scanning the various ponies at the bar, glad for once that he doesn't have AJ's big, expressive eyes, hoping the ponies will find him harder to read. "I don't want to just bail, but there's no point us getting cornered for no good reason." He looks into Applejack's eyes. "I'm just sorry our date's getting cut short."

Yet another huge pony pushes past their table, deliberately bumping Applejack and Matt as he passes. "I'm not sorry," he mutters, just loud enough for them to hear. "You shouldn't be here."

Matt is ready to stand up and yell at this pony, but AJ puts her hoof on his hand, stopping him.

There's a long pause, and then Applejack does the last thing Matt ever expected.

She jumps up on the table, a huge smile on her face, and shouts at the top of her voice.

"Howdy, everypony! Ah'm pretty sure most of y'all know who ah am already, but for those who might not, well, time to put that right," she calls out. "My name's Applejack. Ah'm an apple farmer and rodeo pro, and ah also happen to represent the Element of Honesty." The pianist stops playing. The pool players stop playing. The drinkers at the bar stop drinking. Well, most of them. And Sgian Dubh's eyes widen in surprise.

Applejack is still grinning. "Ah understand there's some ponies in here who don't approve of mah choice of companion today. That's a shame, on account of ah happen to be awful fond of him. Again, ah'm sure y'all don't need introductions, but just in case anypony's been livin' under a rock these past few months, the, uh, 'creature' sittin' opposite me here is mah coltfriend, Matthew Williams. He's from another world, and we're in love."

Matt's eyes are just about bulging out of his head by now, only matched by the incredulous expression on Sgian Dubh's face. He looks like he's about to explode in rage. Literally explode.

"So, ah apologise for interruptin' your evenin', but ah just wanted to say," continues AJ, still standing on the table; "if'n anypony does want to come over and meet us, an' if'n you're wantin' to exchange views on mah personal life, the two of us are more'n happy to... how do I say this... hear you out. Well, that's about it," she concludes. "Enjoy the rest of your night, everypony!"

Applejack sits back down and grins at Matt, who is still speechless, and almost catatonic. She raises an eyebrow, and whispers under her breath. "Still with me there, partner?"

Matt snaps himself out of it. "I'm with you. But what..."

AJ holds up a hoof, and stops him talking. She's still smiling as she pretends to read the menu again. "Five o'clock behind you. Don't turn around."

Matt looks up in confusion. Sgian Dubh, looking furious, his red face visible through his coat, has gathered two equally enormous ponies around him, muttering to them and repeatedly looking up towards Applejack and Matt's table. No doubt he's getting ready to do something stupid. But he'll be approaching in front of Matt, not behind. Does AJ mean her five o'clock? No, she definitely said behind him, right?

What the fuck is hap...

"Be ready", spits AJ under her breath, without looking up. "Five, four, three..."

And then the world slips into slow motion for a moment.

Matt sees Sgian Dubh and his two goons stomping towards their table.

Matt sees Applejack climb off her chair and rear up on her hind legs.

Matt sees Applejack make eye contact with him, and mouth silently: "Now".

Matt jumps to his left, just in time to avoid the pool cue that comes crashing down on his chair a moment later.

Matt grabs the broken shaft of the pool cue, and turns to face his assailant. The pony behind him is tugging at the broken cue, surprised by the tight grip Matt's hands have managed.

Matt sees who tried to hit him.

It's Shillelagh.

Matt gasps. "You fucker", he spits.

Matt's surprise has given Shillelagh the advantage, as the green pony wrests the pool cue back from him.

Matt sees Shillelagh lunge at him, and this time he can't quite get out of the way. The sharp end of the broken cue drags across his chest, ripping a gash in his shirt and scratching his skin.

Pain, followed by another surge of anger.

From the corner of his eye, Matt sees two more ponies converging on Applejack. They've both grabbed pool cues too.

He sees Applejack throw something up in the air with her forehooves.

He sees Applejack flip forward onto her forehooves.

He sees Applejack kick her back legs out.

(She looks incredible, he thinks to himself. What the fuck, brain, I'm in the middle of a fight here. Stop that.)

He hears a crack.

He sees one of the ponies who'd been cornering Applejack crash to the floor, clutching his face, clawing bits of crockery and lumps of mustard out of his mane.

My marefriend is so fucking awesome.

He sees Shillelagh, holding the broken cue, coming in again to attack him, and he rolls to the ground.

He sees the other pony who'd been cornering Applejack crash to the ground under the table, apparently unconscious, his skull hitting the floor with a sickening crunch. He can just about see AJ's four orange hooves all safely planted on the ground.

He looks up, and sees Shillelagh rearing back, cue in hoof. That asshole is going to try and stab him with the broken cue, isn't he? Think again.

Matt reaches out and grabs the nearest thing to him, which turns out to be a chair leg, and rolls out of the way again.

Matt pulls on the chair leg to haul himself to his feet.

Matt looks at the chair for a moment.

Matt smiles.

Matt lifts the chair up by its leg and swings it around his head.

Everypony in the bar stares at Matt. Even Applejack has stopped to look at what he's doing.

How can these guys hold pool cues, and yet they've never seen anyone pick up a chair before?

No time for that now. The fight is going on around him again, and Shillelagh has snapped out of it and is preparing to lunge yet again with what's left of the pool cue.

Matt swings the chair around again, and brings it crashing with full force into the side of Shillelagh's head. There's another sickening crunch, and the green pony collapses to the floor without a word.

Applejack is staring up at Matt in surprise and admiration.

The pony who bumped their table is approaching her. Has she seen him?

Matt hears the whooshing of air, and the sounds of the fight, and time returns to normal.

Matt clambers over the table and joins Applejack, who gives him a nod. He points her towards the big pony approaching them, and together they back away, flank to flank, across the floor, now sticky with spilled beer.

They look around to see if there are any further threats. Ponies are hitting each other all over the bar, but it doesn't look like there's any order to it; nopony is looking at Matt or Applejack now, and even the ones who were paying attention when Matt first raised the chair have gone back to pummelling one another, apparently just for the sake of a good fight. No sign of Sgian Dubh or his goons; maybe AJ took them out while Matt was fighting Shillelagh.

The only pony left who seems to bear Applejack and Matt any malice is the guy who bumped their table. He's holding another pool cue. The rack must be empty by now.

No worries, thinks Matt. Nopony seems to be sure what to do when faced with a six-foot biped armed with a chair. They don't seem to be sure which part to avoid, as Matt alternates between holding the back and jabbing the legs towards his attacker, lion-tamer style, and holding the legs and smashing the rest over his attacker's head. An earth pony couldn't do this, no matter how dextrous they were, no matter how their hooves manage to hold things; their hooves would simply be too big to be able to whirl the chair around like this. It gives him a definite advantage in a one-on-one fight. He'll have to remember this.

But then Matt notices something he'd missed before. The pony attacking them, trying to back them into the corner of the room, is a unicorn.

Matt notices this, because the unicorn's horn glows. Seconds later, several beer glasses are flying towards the couple. Matt instinctively crouches down and lifts the chair as a makeshift shelter, pulling Applejack under as the glasses smash on the chair and the walls behind them. Applejack grabs Matt by the sleeve with her mouth, and drags him behind an upturned table. Their attacker tries to advance on them, but is momentarily held up by two more huge earth ponies whaling on each other right in front of him.

"Ah do believe ah will be having words with Big Mac when we get outta here," says Applejack.

"Meh, it's not so bad," grins Matt. "I didn't get a chance to look at the menu. What were you thinking of having?"

AJ rolls her eyes. "Ah was thinkin' the tomato salad, but ah ain't so sure now. Depends if ah hafta spend the evening pickin' bits of glass out of it, ah guess."

They burst out laughing.

"Suppose we should deal with Chuckles up there," says Matt.

"You got a plan?" asks AJ.

"Not really," says Matt. "You?"

"Ah ain't sure if you've noticed, but ah have this tendency to kinda rush into danger without thinkin' on it too much," she smiles.

"Nopony's perfect," grins Matt. "Shall we, then?"

"Let's."

Together, they stand up from behind their table, just in time to see the unicorn finally shove the grappling ponies out of his way. His horn lights up; Matt grabs his chair, ready to try and bat away whatever it is that's about to be launched at them.

Nothing is launched. The unicorn's horn fizzles out, and he collapses to the ground. Behind him, Sgian Dubh is grinning like a maniac, holding a broken bar stool above his head.

"Sure I don't know why I never thought of this before," he smiles, before turning to ring the last orders bell. As if he'd just blown some kind of drunk bar fighter dog-whistle, everypony in the bar stops what they're doing and turns to look at him.

"Alright, lads, fun's over. Anypony still got scores to settle, do me a favour and take it on outside, would you? Now, I'll be needin' the help of a few lads to get rid of these arseholes who tried to spoil Applejack's big date. Any volunteers?"

Matt watches in astonishment, as almost everypony in the bar raises a hoof to volunteer. Applejack gives his arm a squeeze as Sgian Dubh trots over.

"That Shillelagh always was a feckin' arsehole. Oops, please forgive my language, Applejack." (She smiles. He looks relieved.) "I just knew he was lookin' to cause trouble tonight, so I did. Never thought he'd be thick enough to try it on with a bar full of Royal Guards, mind."

"Ah don't rightly believe he meant to, Mister," says Applejack, as she picks up Matt's fallen hat and hands it back to him. "He wanted us to leave quietly. Ah just didn't trust him. Especially when he mentioned Ponyville, after neither me nor Matt had said that was where we were from."

Matt is still kind of stunned by everything that has happened. A large part of him is expecting to wake up on the train and discover he'd dozed off for a few minutes. A smaller part of him is expecting to wake up in New York City, having apparently been dreaming about colorful ponies who somehow get him into bar fights.

"So," says Applejack, easing out a crick in her neck. "Nice place you got here, huh?"

"They ain't so bad really," smiles Sgian. "Half o' the ponies here had some things they were wantin' to, uh, discuss with each other. Ye saw the results..."

He straightens himself up, and then bows to both Applejack and Matt. "On behalf of the Golden Shamrock, I would like to formally apologise for the ruckus tonight. I knew something was brewing, but I didn't think it'd kick off quite like that, or I'd have tossed Shillelagh and his eejits out on the street."

"It ain't no trouble," says Applejack, nonchalantly. "No harm, no foul."

Matt stares at her. No trouble? Their date just turned into a mass bar brawl. But sure enough, she doesn't seem fazed by it in the slightest.

"I'm glad to hear it, so I am," says Sgian Dubh, looking relieved. "I'll have the lads clean this mess up, and then, well, if you're still hungry, it's on the house."

"Aw, ain't no need for that," smiles Applejack. "But ah do appreciate the offer."

"It'd be my honour, miss," says Sgian Dubh with a smile. "Any friend of Big Macintosh is a friend of mine. As for family? You might not know this, but Big Mac is a hero round here, after he pitched in to help save our cat - after that, he's an honorary shire horse."

As if to prove his point, a picture frame floats up behind him, attaching itself neatly to the wall behind the bar. It's a photo of Big Mac and Sgian Dubh, hooves around each other's shoulders, and a cat perched next to them.

Matt's brain is still shutting down for essential maintenance. He looks around as broken furniture starts to reassemble itself, and sees another huge unicorn - another Royal Guard, he guesses, looking at the uniform - repairing the mess.

"I think," says Sgian Dubh, "that might be the last group of eejits you find yourselves runnin' into. I know the big lad there, and I know Shillelagh, but those others..." - he gestures at one of the prostrate ponies on the ground, being dragged roughly into the street by an angry-looking shire horse while bits of porcelain float out of his mane and reattach themselves into an unbroken mustard pot - "...I think they came from out of town. The only few ponies left in Equestria dumb enough to go against a direct order from the Princess just to cause you two some grief."

He looks down at another of the ponies, the one Applejack had bucked in the face. He's regained consciousness, though not his teeth, as he groggily looks up at Sgian, looking like he's not sure what day it is. Sgian gives him a contemptuous scowl.

"...And to judge by the way they fought, I don't think we're exactly dealin' with Equestria's best and brightest."

He spits on the ground.

"Feckin' eejits."

Matt finally finds his voice. "So... let me get this straight. Those guys didn't want me and Applejack dating... while you, and all of these guys -"

Every pony in the bar lets out a loud, gruff cheer. Most of them are massively drunk. It doesn't even seem to matter that they were all beating the crap out of each other not ten minutes ago.

"...you guys don't have a problem with it?"

"More than that, even," says Sgian Dubh, with a smile. "Far as we're concerned, if you work hard, if you respect ponies and our ways, you're one of us."

Another huge roar of approval.

"And it goes further still. We respect hard work, and that includes those who work hard for the ones they love. Everypony deserves happiness. Some of these lads here fought the same fight we just had, twenty years ago, for me and my husband. We didn't let some arsehole tell us who we can and can't see back then. We're not gonna let 'em tell us now."

Another deafening roar. Their throats must be getting sore by now.

"You're Big Mac's kin," comes a shout from the back of the crowd. "We wouldn't let you down."

"...And we've all heard tell of you savin' the world," pipes up one of the patrons.

"...And can I just say, bollocks to all of them who's got a problem with you two, 'cos the way you fought, you're both fine in my book," says somepony else.

"YEAHHH!!!!" comes a familiar shout from somewhere at the back of the crowd.

Matt smiles. This evening has taken another unexpected turn. He feels AJ squeeze his arm again. "Do you know," says Matt, "I am feeling really hungry all of a sudden."

With a start, he realises the bar has been completely repaired while they were speaking, right down to their table with the menu on it.

"But please don't be picking the chairs up again," says Sgian Dubh with a smile, as Matt and Applejack sit back down.

"Ah hafta ask, though," says AJ, as Matt scans the menu. "How come you were so cold and unfriendly-like when we first came in here? Ah would probably have figured it all out sooner if ah hadn't first suspected you to be one of... them."

"Oh, right," says Sgian Dubh, with another smirk. "Now, I find... If you're gonna have an eejit like Shillelagh in your bar, it never hurts to have them be a little bit scared of you. I'm sorry you didn't exactly get the best hospitality the Golden Shamrock has to offer. But now that they're gone... what do you say, lads? Shall we give Applejack and Matt a proper Shamrock welcome?"

As the loudest roar yet echoes out along the street, and into the barbershop, Burnt Oak looks up from his newspaper. The bigots are done for, the kid can handle himself, and AJ is in safe hands... or, rather, the kid is in safe hooves, he thinks. Granny Smith needn't have worried, but she'll appreciate the letter all the same.

The actual date itself had passed in a kind of blur, at least for Matt. AJ was chatting with Sgian Dubh as though she'd accidentally knocked over somepony's drink, rather than taking part in a saloon-trashing brawl... not that you'd know it, since the place looked exactly the same as it had when they arrived, minus Shillelagh and the other morons, who'd been carted off to jail. Amazingly, not a single pony in the bar seemed to have seen either Matt or Applejack doing any of the fighting. The sheriff didn't seem surprised by this optical miracle.

After checking Applejack wasn't hurt - and making sure he hadn't managed to get himself injured again - the food arrived, followed by some cider, followed by some dandelion wine, followed by some beer. Quite a lot of beer.

Matt was no abstainer back on Earth, and he knew there was alcohol in Equestria, but he'd long since made a conscious decision not to start drinking the alcoholic stuff here until he knew what effect it was going to have - and that he wasn't going to make a drunken fool of himself in front of Applejack.

...Who has made no such decision, and - to judge by the number of empty beer glasses and cider mugs racking up around their table - really should be drunk by now. Instead, she's still laughing along with Sgian and his husband, and she's drunk some of the bigger ponies under the table. Every time she finishes a drink, the impressed crowd gives another cheer, and more jokes and laughs and ciders flow back and forth.

She pauses mid-laugh to glance up at Matt, with a smile. He smiles back.

Quite a night.

As that night goes on, although he's not drinking the hard stuff, Matt shares some jokes of his own, and it seems like the crowd of ponies have accepted him. At some point, he and Applejack end up squeezed next to each other in the middle of the crowd, none of whom seem to remember he's not a pony.

When it's finally time to go, with many hugs and hoofbumps exchanged, Sgian recommends they stop off at the livery down the road.

"To, uh, clean yourselves up a little, you know? Before heading to the train station. We can fix the furniture well enough, but your clothes, and your bruises, if you got 'em...? Not so much. But the livery's perfect. It's nice and quiet there. Nopony's likely to come by and see you... cleaning up."

The way he said those last words, Matt is sure he saw a twinkle in Sgian Dubh's eye, but Applejack is already pushing him out through the doors, accompanied by a roar of approval.

"So..."

"So."

Neither of them has said anything for almost five minutes now, as they reach the livery. Applejack sits down on the dried hay and stretches out her hooves, gingerly feeling around for any injuries. She doesn't have any noticeable bruises, but her neck is stiff, her barrel is sore, and she wants to rest for a moment. She looks up at Matt, who's going through much the same process; apart from a nasty-looking welt visible through the tear in his shirt, and - from the way he's rotating his arm and wincing as he holds his shoulder - some general aches and pains, they both seem to be mostly fine.

"So," says Matt, cautiously, rubbing his sore shoulder as his marefriend ties her mane back into its signature ponytail and straightens her hat. "That... was a thing that happened."

"Yeah," says AJ, just as tentatively. "Ah, uh, never expected our first date to go like that."

She looks up at him. "Actually, to hell with it," she says. "Ah kinda did expect that to happen. Some ponies, huh?"

Matt looks back down at her. "You expected a bar fight?" he asks, sounding confused.

"Ah wouldn't say ah expected a bar fight as such, but so far as some ponies bein' too blinkered to get on board with our bein' an item, an' so far as some of them ponies wantin' to, uh, discuss matters in private? Yeah, ah figured somethin' like that might lie up ahead someplace. When ah heard the music stop after we opened the door, that's when ah thought maybe 'further down the road' was actually in the here and now."

She looks up, and for the first time tonight, there's sadness in her eyes.

"Ah'm sorry our date wasn't what you were hopin' for," she says, softly. "Ah'll try an' be a bit more... civilized the next time."

"You?!" Matt almost yelps. "I was just going to apologise to you for acting like that! I ruined the date!"

"Whaddaya mean, ruined the date?" retorts Applejack, her face frowning with confusion. "Ah was the one that ruined it. Ah shoulda just trotted away, not run mah mouth."

"I was so proud of you for standing up to that jerk," smiles Matt. "But I was the one who broke a chair over somepony's head. Even though a lot of things are different here than on Earth, I'm pretty sure this one's kind of the same. If some guy charges at your girlfriend with a pool cue and you can't stop him in time, the date probably isn't going all that well," he says, with a shrug.

"You'd think, huh?", laughs Applejack, taking Matt by surprise. "And yet, you don't seem to be complainin' all that much."

"No, I guess... I mean, I won't say it wasn't cool seeing you take out a pony twice your size like that. And while it was scary as hell to start with, once I saw you were in control, that was such a good feeling. After that, you turned into an action movie star, even if I couldn't really enjoy the show..." his voice tails off. "Not that I'd have just left you there to fend for yourself!", he quickly adds. "I mean..."

Applejack chuckles again, and puts her hoof to his lips, gently shushing him. "Ah ain't never been the damsel in distress type," she smiles. "And for what it's worth... and ah think it's worth quite a bit more'n you give it credit... ah didn't exactly mind too badly, watchin' you swing that chair around..."

Her eyes are misting over as she gets lost in her thoughts, as Matt gawps at her.

"...with your shirt ripped like that... and you were, y'know, flexing... and then we ended up flank to flank... all sweaty and hot and fired up..."

Matt's jaw is hanging open now. "You were turned on by that?", he blurts.

Applejack snaps back to attention, and laughs again. "Don't act like you weren't thinkin' the same thoughts, mister," she snorts, with a huge grin. "Ah saw where you was lookin' when ah bucked that guy offa me. It weren't mah face."

"I, uh... Wha...?" says Matt, feigning ignorance. AJ doesn't call him out, but the look on her face tells him she's not buying it.

Busted.

"So... let me try and process all of this," he says.

"Do we have to?", whines Applejack in mock irritation, before bursting out with another giggle. "Ah can sum it up real quick. Ah like that you can handle yourself, without always needin' me to come runnin' to fix your messes, even though you know ah'd fight a hydra to get to you, if'n you ever found yourself in real need of mah help."

Matt briefly wonders whether any of these experiences are drawn from AJ's life - either hydra attacks, or boyfriends who need saving - but doesn't interrupt.

"You like that ah can do the same for mah own self, even after savin' mah life. An' apparently, there's more'n one way for the two of us to work up a head o' steam. And it ain't too hard on the eyes, one of us seein' the other, uh, workin' out. That just about cover it?"

Matt nods, mutely.

"Plus, we make a pretty good team," she smirks.

"Yeah, we do," he smiles back.

And then, kissing happens.

"Oh mah gosh, you should see the look on your face right now," giggles Applejack, as Matt stares at her in astonishment.

She's definitely not 100% sober, but she can handle her liquor alright; she's walking in a straight line, standing up straight, and if you didn't know her, you could easily chalk the slightly slurred words up to her accent. Even back at the family hoedown, where Matt had seen her totally out of control, she'd knocked back enough booze to leave most ponies out cold... and then carried on for several hours before finally reaching Full Drunk status and tossing her cookies in celebration.

"Ah know we've kinda done the whole 'Oh mah gosh, datin' a human!' thing pretty much to death by now," she smirks, "but this is one ah don't think we've said yet."

She leans in close. She smells like beer and hay.

"Think about it, Matt," she says. "Ah'm the em-bod-i-ment of one of the Elements of Harmony. Ah have been known to throw down, 'pon occasion, in the course of savin' the world," she giggles. "Once or twice."

She whispers, very loudly, in his ear, like she's pretending to reveal a secret or something.

"Thiiiiink about it," she drawls, before giggling again.

"You had fun back there, right?" says Matt, trying to piece it all together. "You saw through Shillelagh, you stood up for us in public. And... you liked it when we were fighting side by side?"

She gives him a huge, wicked smile.

"You could say that," she whispers. "There's a lot of things ah love about you, Matthew Williams. An' ah reckon you don't even know the half of 'em all yet," she smirks. "So ah'm givin' you this one for free. Ah ain't lookin' for a big strong stallion to protect me, on account of ah can handle myself just fine... but that don't mean it ain't a real nice bonus, all the same."

She's giggling again, while she nuzzles her head against his arm.

"This is all new for me, you know. Not just the pony stuff," says Matt with a smile. "I've never dated a girl who can totally kick someone's ass when the situation calls for it. Including mine. But, uh, I mean... let's not start doing that all the time, huh?" He looks down at her, past her huge grin and straight into her eyes, and they sparkle with life as she laughs again.

"What, gettin' into bar fights on our dates? Nope. It could get a little old," she chuckles. "Ah'm a farmer, not a fighter. Ah don't go lookin' for trouble, ah just don't run if'n it happens to find me. You ain't datin' Rainbow Dash," she chuckles. "...Not like that would work anyhow," she mutters, losing her train of thought for a moment before finding it again.

She looks up at him again, grin as huge as ever. "But this was fun. Ah'm glad you ain't boring. If ah wanted that - if ah hadn't already had mah fill of boring, an' then some - ah hardly think ah woulda chosen mah'self a special somepony who's not even a pony. There's easier ways to a quiet life. You get me?"

"We get each other," smirks Matt, and AJ rolls her eyes in mock irritation. Secretly, they both love it when the other gets cheesy on them.

As they embrace, Matt relishes the feeling that he can truly be himself when he's in her presence. Not that he had any doubts before, or anything, and it's hardly as if they had any secrets from each other... but somehow, tonight pushes his thoughts and feelings into place, like something got jumbled up and then finally set back in the right order; he already knew what it said, more or less, but now he can read it for the first time.

He’s finally found the perfect woman.

Even if, as fate would have it, she turns out to actually be a horse.

"You wanna know somethin', Matt?", grins Applejack. "Ah think I got it figured out."

"Got what figured out, AJ?", asks Matt, doing his best to ignore his marefriend's slightly slurred voice.

"Why Big Mac was bein' so secretive-like. Why he sent us all the way out here, an' why he wouldn't tell either of us about what was goin' on."

"I think I'd like to hear that explanation", says Matt, deadpan. In her slightly tipsy state, either AJ doesn't pick up on his sarcasm, or she doesn't care.

"Mister Williams," she says, putting on her formal voice. "The one and only human in all of Equestria. I do believe you have been worrying about what might happen when we went out in public. Right?"

"Sure, but-"

"...And, jes' to make things even harder, the very attractive - and humble - mare you're steppin' out with, is none other than the Bearer of the Element of Honesty, no less. And you didn't know if ponies would take too kindly to that combination o' stuff. Right?"

"Right...?" says Matt, confused.

"But how much of all that stuff were you thinkin' about on the train ride, huh? How much of all that stuff was botherin' you when you were cornered an' lookin' to smash a chair over somepony's head?"

The penny starts to drop for Matt, as Applejack finishes her increasingly giggly and rambling explanation with a triumphant grin.

"Ah'll tell ya, Mister Human. None at all. You weren't troubled none by all the questions an' whatever. You were busy worryin' about what kind of place Big Mac had set you up for your date. With me. An' then, you were busy worryin' one of them ponies was gonna break a pool cue over you. Or me. But what you was never busy worryin' about, was all this Human and Applejack nonsense."

She gives him a smile, and his heart melts.

"Am ah right, or am ah right?", she says, breathing on her forehoof and polishing it on her coat.

"...I'll be damned," says Matt, eventually. "You think he planned it this way on purpose? Not the whole bar fight thing, but... sending us to face up to things head-on?"

"If ah know mah brother. An' ah know mah brother," smirks Applejack, as she leans in close to him, both of them enjoying feeling the closeness as they wander along.

"Also, ah know what you've been thinkin' tonight, on account of ah was thinkin' the same things," she giggles, and Matt blinks in surprise.

Click.

Author's Note

What? No, you pressed "Publish" too early and left a half-finished draft version of this chapter up for an entire day. I'm a professional.