I ran my car into Twilight's house...

by ThereIsNo4thWall

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Spike, Comedy, Slice of Life, Human
Length: 5109

An HiE/self-insert fanfic, a Brony teleports to Equestria during a storm and runs his car into Twilight's house. Hilarity and insanity quickly follow.

Kevin Wright, a 21 year old human male and a huge fan of the show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, is teleported to Equestria during a horrible lightning storm in both worlds. Unfortunately for Kevin, he was in the middle of driving, and the first place he appears in Equestria, is in the air a few feet above and to the left of Twilight Sparkle's house. this is Kevin's mental narration during this event, and the random shenanigans that follow.

My first fanfic, which is a HiE self insert story. The whole thing began due to me staying up way to late, eating too much sugar, and generally being insane. I've then decided to keep it up after the polite and positive reaction it seems to have received from people. Due to me still struggling with trying to write on a regular basis, and also because I'm going to try to write more than just this story at the same time, I can't really promise when this will update. All comments, criticisms, suggestions, etc, are much appreciated!

Published 2012-07-12 12:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-21 18:28:53 UTC

The universe is a troll...

Hello, my name's Kevin Wright, and I...Well...I just crashed my car into Twilight's house...

In my defense, I could have sworn there was still plenty of road ahead of me when I got blinded by the lightning!

I suppose I should rewind, just a bit, I'm only monologuing my thoughts to myself like this so I can actually pull myself out of shock and figure out what to do now. Plus it's tons of fun and helps me actually focus in some weird probably not normal way.

ANYWAY, back to the point. What feels like a few minutes ago, I had been driving down some sort of road I wasn't all that familiar with. I was horribly lost, but my natural nervousness with talking to people, combined with the fact that there was and still is a horrible storm going on and it was near midnight, I wasn't about to even TRY to pull my car over and try to find someone to ask where I was. I was just waiting for the road to open up to SOME sort of store so I could hurry up and change direction. It is, or was Wednesday, which is when I have my weekly hanging out with my two best friends all day sort of thing, and I was feeling pretty bold with my driving for once. I was fairly certain I could save some time going down a different road than normal, thinking it would cut past the section that's under construction and-okay seriously why is THIS what I'm focusing my thoughts on? Is it the familiarity of the whole thing, or do I just become incredibly dull under stress? Maybe it's the four hours of sleep last night making me too tired to even mentally narrate properly?

Well, ANYWAY again right? Point is, the storm was getting pretty bad, I mean REALLY bad, flashes of lightning almost constantly, thunder booming so loud I wasn't even playing any more remixed and/or fan made MLP music in my car. It was also raining so much that the windshield wipers weren't doing a darn thing to change my sight, and I was starting to wonder why I was even using them. I had never driven through a storm like this before, which I could have sworn was just a light rain when I decided to take a new path home, and I was honestly completely terrified.

Unfortunately though, the fabric of the universe was going for a new record with how absolutely freaked out I could be in one night, and before I could even think of the phrase “This can't possibly get any worse” or some other version of the popular phrase, lightning started striking the ground all around me. I'm not going to lie, I slammed my eyes shut, covered my ears with one shoulder and one hand, and started screaming, my brain's attempt at assuming the fetal position while driving I suppose. Storms sorta freak me the heck out at half the strength this one was at, and combined with my rising nervousness of being lost, I guess my brain just snapped. I tried to hit the breaks as fast as I thought I could without possibly losing control of the car, and after a few seconds, my hearing and sight slowly came back to me, or I relaxed enough to open my eyes and uncover my ears, I'm honestly not sure which.

I took a moment to look around while slowly switching my foot back to the gas pedal, and began picking up speed again. After a solid minute of no more lightning or thunder, and the rain beginning to lighten up, I started to relax enough to thank the universe for letting me survive what I had been fairly certain was about to kill me, and then...

Then the universe decided to set it's trolling level to over nine thousand, and another great big blast of lightning hit the road right in front of me, and I went right back to my half driving, half fetal position form.

Then there was silence for a few seconds, and a really weird sort of semi-musical sound, which honestly made me think of the MLP:FiM theme song if played backwards with someone scratching their nails on a chalkboard, and I opened my eyes to see a random series of colorful flashes, and then everything turned back to normal.

Well, except for the fact that the car was now slightly diagonal, no longer on a road, and oh yeah, FALLING FORWARDS TOWARDS A GIANT TREE!!!

At this point, my brain threw out any attempt of proper driving, and I went full on fetal position mode, screaming as I heard the sounds of metal crashing into wood, and hoped that nothing would break through the windshield and kill me.

Once the screeching noises of possible death finally stopped, and I realized the storm and my screaming were the only sounds at the moment, I pulled myself out of the fetal position, and almost fell forward, the car apparently still in a semi-diagonal position.

So yeah, that was possibly a few seconds ago, or a few minutes, not sure really. I've been sticking my legs out against the floorboards in an attempt to keep myself in my seat, and idly noticing that the lights and radio and engine and such are all off and/or dead. I will say that this mental recap has helped calm my nerves some, so perhaps now I'll actually get out of this car.

Oh, and once I'm out, I should probably go and move Spike away from the front of my car, so that if it ever rolls forward or something in the near future, it won't hit him.

Yeah, that right there, seeing a figure sleeping in a tiny bed right in front of my car, and slowly realizing it looks exactly like Spike from my favorite cartoon show as the lightning flashes over head, and realizing that even though I thought I had crashed into a tree, it looks exactly like I'm in a house of some kind with all the bookshelves and such everywhere. THAT is why I'm thinking I crashed into Twilight Sparkle's library tree house thing. The fact that I'm probably crazy has not been lost on me, I'm just shoving it into a corner for now. I'll have a nice panic attack over my obvious mental break down later, for now, I'm going to move the human child or baby dragon or whatever away from my car before the universe decides to troll any more.

First thing's first, I put the car in park, set the parking break, and get my keys out, and try not to facepalm at the fact that none of that had any actual point. I manually unlock and open my door, and now for the fun part.

I unbuckle my seat bel-OH GOSH I'M FALLING! QUICK, DIVE OUT THE DOOR! OH GOSH WOODEN FLOORS ARE NOT COMFORTABLE! OW!

Okay. Okay. Okay. Get back up, come on, I can do it. Good. Okay so I'm back on my feet, now to grab the kid/dragon/possible figment of my imagination and get it somewhere that's safe, and try really hard to not think about how it slept through me crashing into its room.

My arms were about half a foot away from what I still saw as a sleeping baby dragon, when suddenly the door behind me slammed open, and I heard a gasp. I turned to look at the source of the noise, and saw an angry Twilight Sparkle. It was much easier to see her since her horn was glowing, but I still didn't notice the angry look on her face until after she shouted something along the lines of “GET AWAY FROM HIM!” and before I could apologize, or even question my sanity any further, the glowing around her horn sharply increased, and a purple, pinkish blast of magic hit me in the face, and sent me flying back on top of my car.

As I slowly rolled off my car and began to lose consciousness, the oddest thing happened.

I heard this song.

Since this will most likely be my last thought for the night...I just wanna say...Jerk move universe...Jerk move...

Midnight Interrogation

Midnight Interrogation.

Oh man, what happened last night? I don't know how long I've been asleep but I doubt it's been very long. I'm even more tired now than I was last night before I went to bed! Oh, and great, I fell asleep on my arms and legs too, I can't move either of them. Wait no...I'm sitting ON my legs...Did I sleep sitting up? How's that possible, and then where are my arms?

Ugh, opening my eyes isn't doing a darn thing, everything's colorful blurs and white fog. Gotta blink a ton, then at least the fog will go away. I'll need to find my glasses before I can focus the blurs. Should be on the desk right next to me, no problem once my arms start work...ing...

Why are their metal cuffs on my hands? Why am I not in my pajamas? Why is my shirt covered in drool? I thought I stopped drooling in my sleep a few years ago!

Oh gosh, what happened last night? What COULD have happened last night? I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I admit I'm a little crazy at times and I tend to fall asleep behind the wheel every few months...Oh gosh I fell asleep and crashed into something and now I'm in jail aren't I? Though...these don't look like handcuffs. Heck, they're big enough I could probably pull my hands right out with a bit of effort. It'd hurt, but nothing I can't handle.

So then...Am I in jail or not? Oh hey wait, something's moving! Maybe it's another person, though I doubt it. I've never met anyone that looked like a small lavender blob. Maybe it's a kid wearing a jacket? Hey wait it's coming closer.

“Oh good, you're awake. Can you talk?”

My gosh that voice sounds just like Twilight Sparkle! That's so cool! “Yeah.” Gosh my throat's dry, I would have said more but now I just really want a drink of water.

“Great! I assumed you'd be able to. Now, I just have a few questions for you.”

I mumbled something similar to a “kay” and continued to take slow blinks, trying to focus on who was speaking with Twilight's voice. Thankfully, I got a really great view of them as they actually got close enough for me to see despite my lack of glasses. Though since that meant that this person was only half a foot away, and glaring angrily, I immediately went back to wishing they were a blur.

“Who are you, WHAT are you, and WHY did you use that...Whatever it is, to CRASH INTO MY HOUSE!”

Oh shoot, angry Twilight Sparkle voice. Heck, assuming I'm seeing things correctly, there's an angry Twilight Sparkle right in front of me! “Lawls wut?” I muttered back, my mouth stating my main emotion at the moment, total confusion. I immediately realized how stupid that was, but before I could actually think of something intelligent to say, the person who looked and sounded a lot like Twilight Sparkle actually moved a bit closer, to the point where all I could really see was her eyes. Her very, VERY angry looking eyes.

“I said: Who are you, WHAT are you, and WHY did you crash something through my house, and while I'm asking questions, what were you planning on doing to SPIKE!?”

My brain sort of froze for a second, finally realizing that something very serious was going on here. It also idly noted that this angry voice was slightly different than the last one. The last one was more of an annoyed kind of angry, this was more like...Like the kind of angry tone a hero uses in some movies before they proceed to beat the villain within an inch of their lives...Yeah, that kind of anger. I think THAT is what caused my brain to finally focus on the conversation: The sudden realization that I was in some very serious trouble.

I also remember what happened last night now...Yeah...I feel like a freak out is in order right about now, but eh, I did that last night, and the death glare I'm getting from Twilight seems like a much bigger issue.

I quickly tried to explain myself. “I'm really sorry about that. Really REALLY sorry. I just don't know what went wrong!” Darn it brain, this is NOT the time for a joke, I quickly continued speaking before Twilight could think that was all I had to say. “One moment I was going down a road during the worst storm I've ever been in, then there was a flash of light as lightning hit the ground right in front of me, and the next thing I knew, I was in the air right in front of a tree. I freaked out while I hit the tree, and suddenly found myself in a house. Once the shock of having almost died faded away, I realized there was someone right in front of the car, so I tried to move them out of the way in case the car rolled forward later on, so that it wouldn't hit them.” Twilight stepped back and became blurry once more, and I squinted a bit so that I could read her expression. She had a sort of blank look on her face, like she was still processing what I said, and I quickly reviewed my rant for any signs of something that could have made things worse. Then I realized I hadn't answered her other questions. “Oh! My name is Kevin Wright, and I'm a human. I sort of forgot those first two questions earlier. Nice to meet you!”

I gave a nervous grin, attempting to appear friendly, and tried to shift my legs so that I wouldn't be sitting on them. It didn't work, it just made my legs hurt. I squinted at Twilight again so I could see her face, and hoped that the death glare wasn't about to return. “So...It was just an accident, and you weren't going to hurt Spike, you were trying to get him out of the-” Her voice trailed off then, and she gave me a confused look. “Why are you looking at me like that?” She said, her voice switching from a confused tone to an annoyed one, and I quickly stopped squinting. “Sorry, I think my glasses got knocked off when you hit me in the face with your magic. I'm horribly near sighted and everything here appears as blurs and blobs unless it's either right in my face or I'm squinting like this.” I squinted again as an example, and I watched Twilight's face go from confused to slightly embarrassed. “Sorry about that. After my brother's wedding there have been a few Changeling attacks on Ponyville. One occasionally turns into something scary or powerful and attempts to terrorize the town and my friends. They've been too disorganized to be much of a threat, but when I saw that thing that crashed into my house, and you standing over Spike, I assumed you were another Changeling attempting another attack. Once my spell knocked you out though, and you didn't change back, I realized you were something else.” I was fairly certain I could see where this was going, so I attempted to finish her explanation for her. “You were still unsure if I was a threat though, which is why I'm down here with my arms locked up sitting on my legs.” Twilight nodded, and continued speaking. “I've never met or even heard of a...Human,” She stretched the last word a bit and gave me a glance as if to ask if she said it right, and I nodded while she continued. “So once I realized you weren't a Changeling, I thought I'd try to run some experiments and figure out what you really were and what you could do. I assumed by your clothes that you were more intelligent than a random animal, and that metal thing...You called it a car earlier?” I nodded again. “Didn't look like anything a wild animal could make. How DID you make it anyway?”

I gave a nervous chuckle and shook my head. “I didn't make it, I just own it. We have tons of cars where I'm from. I have no real idea how it works though beyond how to use it to get from one place to the next as quickly as possible. They can go much faster than any human can run, so they're pretty convenient, so long as you know how to drive them.” Twilight nodded again, though I stopped trying to read her expression, all the squinting was giving me a headache. “Do YOU know how to drive them?”

I raised my left eyebrow and stared at the lavender blob, my brain trying to figure out if she was serious or just joking with me. “Of course I know how to drive a car! Heck, I've been driving for over three years without getting into any wrecks or anything!” My brain then finally figured out why she had asked, and I gave a nervous smile and dropped the defensive tone I had been using. “I'm really sorry about crashing into your house, I honestly don't even know how I got here. The road continued on for quite a while when the lightning struck. I'm thinking it teleported me to the air right next to your tree slash house thing, and that's why I crashed into it. It was a freak thing, not a result of me being a moron...I think.” My confidence faded by the end, and I gave an even bigger nervous grin than before. I heard a slight laugh, and I guess that Twilight finally decided I was mostly harmless. “Well, alright. I suppose I believe you.” Twilight yawned, and then I did too, and a question popped into my head. “Hey uh. How long was I unconscious?”

“Only a few hours.” I nodded slowly to myself. “So It's still dark outside then?” Twilight nodded back, well, at least I think she did, hard to tell when she's a blob. “So uhh...Any chance we could pause our conversation now that you know I'm not going to hurt anyone, and we could continue it in the morning? I was really tired even before all of this.” I yawned again, and saw the white fog returning to my vision as I blinked. I suppose it was just the oddness of the whole situation that caused me to wake up and be awake enough for this conversation in the first place, and now that I felt like Twilight wouldn't be giving me another death glare any time soon, my body was starting to shut down again. “That sounds like a good idea, I haven't gone to sleep yet all night.” I nodded to her agreement and attempted to blink the white fog away again while I heard her walk off. It wasn't till the door to her lab slammed shut that I realized something very annoying.

I still had my arms locked up to some sort of device, and I was still stuck sitting on my legs. As I thought of sleeping like this again, I mumbled an “Oh heck no,” and pulled my hands out of the cuffs. It hurt quite a bit, and I gave a sharp inhale as I forced my right hand out, and then my left. Once I made sure I hadn't been cut or anything by the metal cuffs, I fell on my back, and slowly stretched my legs out. Once that was done, and I knew my legs would finally get blood flow again while I slept, the wooden floor quickly began to feel like soft clouds, and I sensed my consciousness drifting away.

Accepting The Impossible

Talking to a Dragon.

Ah man, that was a good night's sleep. I have no idea how long I slept, but it certainly did the trick. Not only am I feeling rather refreshed, but I can also feel my arms and legs! I even remember the conversation I had with Twilight last night...

Oh gosh, I actually think I had a conversation with Twilight Sparkle, and that I crashed into her house! I've totally lost it haven't I? Why didn't I realize this before? Was the shock and exhaustion preventing me from having a proper freak out? Shoot! What does this mean? Am I in a coma? Did I get hit in the head really hard and I'm just hallucinating really badly? If that's the case, I should probably say something to let the people know that I'm hallucinating...

“Uh, hello, if anyone can hear me, I think I might be hallucinating. Last night I was very certain I had a conversation with a lavender unicorn.”

I paused for a moment then, unsure of how much detail I should give. Saying too much might make people think I'm completely crazy if this isn't happening, and on the off chance I'm actually in Equestria, I should probably hold off from saying anything that could hint at me already knowing about this place. During my pause, I sat up and rubbed my eyes, and heard a familiar voice. “That wasn't a hallucination, that happened last night. Why would you think you were hallucinating?”

I turned to see a purple and green blob approaching, and after squinting for a few seconds, I confirmed my suspicions that it was Spike. “Oh uh...Well I was really tired last night, so I wasn't all that sure what did and didn't happen...” I said the first excuse I could think of and quickly shut myself up before I could start rambling and possibly talk myself into a corner. I have to be VERY careful what I say and when and how I say it. The excuse seemed to work for Spike though, as I think he shrugged.

“Well, you weren't hallucinating then, and you also weren't hallucinating almost hitting me with that 'car' last night either.” I gave an embarrassed smile and put my right hand behind my head. “Yeah, I know. I'm REALLY sorry about that. I don't even know how I got off the road, let alone into the air and through your house.” I decided not to squint to see his reaction to what I said, deciding that it would probably make it look like I wasn't sincere if I proceeded to look like I was glaring at him right after an apology. I thought I saw another shrug then, and what he said next threw me for a loop. “Eh, it's fine I guess. It's not like I got hurt, and besides, I'm sure Twilight will make you fix everything since you're the one who destroyed it, so I don't have any extra chores either!”

I was really being forgiven that fast? I mean I almost killed the guy and he responds like it's no big deal...I wonder if I should really be this surprised though, most of the characters in the show have been pretty nice, so long as they don't think you're trying to hurt their friends. Twilight calmed down quite a bit once she realized the whole thing was an accident too. Well, I'm certainly not about to complain about a lack of anger being directed towards me.

“Thanks man, I really owe ya one. I don't think most people would be so quick to forgive me for something like that.” I slowly got to my feet and stretched for a bit, enjoying being able to feel my limbs. The lab's roof was pretty high, though it looked like I'd have to crouch if I was going to make it to the top of the stairs or through the door. I'm not too sure honestly, most of this is being pulled from what I remember seeing in the show, and what I can make out through some super intense squinting. I heard Spike come a bit closer, but I was still trying to squint at the ceiling when he started talking again.

“Well, if you really want to make it up to me, you could help with some of my chores. You're pretty tall, I bet you'd be able to reach most of the shelves I'd have to use the ladder for.” I nodded before I fully understood what he said, and once it clicked I looked back at him with a grin on my face. “Well played. You have yourself a deal.” We shook hands then, his was rather rough, though I suppose that's because he has claws covered in scales. I took a second to look at my hand afterward, but it didn't look like it was cut or anything.

“So, where's Twilight at?” I froze for just a second after I asked that, and quickly reviewed our conversation, trying to remember if he had already said her name. Luckily I remembered him mentioning it around the same time that he mentioned not having to clean up the destruction I had caused, and I gave a sigh of relief as he responded.

“She's still sleeping I think. I woke up next to a note explaining everything. I'm supposed to watch you for any suspicious or dangerous activity, and to send a letter to Princess Celestia if I spot anything. Oh hey that reminds me!”

I squinted at Spike to see what he was doing, and realized he had been holding a piece of paper in his hand for probably the entire conversation. “Twilight said your arms would be stuck to the cuffs on one of her machines, but when I got here you were laying on the floor.” It was a statement, not a question, though it was obvious that if I didn't explain it soon he'd probably ask it as a question. I tried my best not to look worried, which I'm fairly certain made things a bit worse, and gave my excuse as quickly as I could.

“Well, once Twilight agreed we should continue the conversation later and sleep for the night, she left me in the room still stuck to the cuffs, but it was horribly uncomfortable like that, and I didn't think I'd be able to sleep, so I pulled my hands out of the cuffs with a little effort, and passed out for the night.” I gave a nervous smile again, and wondered if Spike would count that as a suspicious activity. I knew my reactions were probably making everything worse, and I wondered if I should quickly try to force my hands back through the cuffs, but Spike responded before I could decide to act on my idea.

“I guess that makes sense, if you were attempting something dangerous you wouldn't have gone to sleep right after getting out of them. Plus, you don't look all that dangerous anyway, it's that 'car' of yours that worries me.” I felt another nervous smile flash on my face for a second.

“Yeah, again I'm really sorry about that. The car's harmless though.” Spike shot me a look like he thought I was crazy, but I ignored it and continued to explain. “I mean, ya'know, when it's not running or being driven by anyone, it's just a large chunk of metal, plastic, and glass. I think the crash broke the car anyway, so it shouldn't be moving on its own any time soon.”

I really didn't feel like I explained it all that well, but Spike seemed to relax when I said that, if what he said next was any indication. “Hey, until Twilight wakes up, you want me to show you the rest of the house? Twilight didn't say you had to stay in this room, just that I had to keep an eye on you, and I think I'm going to die of boredom if I have to stay in this room any longer.” I laughed a bit at that, and nodded. “Sure, I'd love to see more of this place, though could we get back to where I crashed first? I think I lost my glasses there.” Spike nodded and began walking up the stairs to the lab/basement's exit, and I followed closely behind.

“Wait, so you wear glasses?”

“Yeah, I'm horribly near sighted, without them everything more than half a foot from my face is a fuzzy blur or blob.”

“So the entire time we've been talking, you've seen me as a purple and green blob?”

I nodded. “Yup, and Twilight was a lavender blob, at least when she wasn't giving me a death glare half an inch from my face when she thought I had intentionally attacked her house with my car. Ow!” I ducked my head suddenly and rubbed the top of it. I had hit my head on the ceiling shortly after I finished my sentence, and Spike laughed as he opened the door.

“Oh! My name's Spike by the way, though you probably already knew after talking to Twilight. Your name is Kevin Wright, right?”

I nodded as I crouched to get through the door, and gave him a confused look. “How'd you already know?” Spike waved the paper in his hand in front of my face. “Twilight wrote it on here. Nice to meet you Kevin.” He closed the door to the lab, and I straightened up my back for a second before going back to my usual slightly slouching forward position. “Nice to meet you too, Spike.” I began following him as he guided me to where my car had crashed through the house last night, and as I did so, I realized something that put a huge grin on my face.

I just had a conversation with a dragon, AN ACTUAL DRAGON! I've always been a huge fan of dragons, and it's the only obsession that rivals my love of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. For a second I reminded myself that I was probably insane or in a coma or whatever, but I quickly shoved those thoughts away. For one, this felt too real for it to be either of those, at least in my opinion, and second off: Who the heck cares if it's real or not? I JUST TALKED TO A DRAGON!!!

Oh, and I'm possibly actually in Equestria, THE AWESOMENESS HAS BEEN DOUBLED!!!