I was feeling pretty giddy as we stepped back out through the door into the main hallway of the office floor. I was a horse now, a little pony. I wasn’t entirely sure how it happened, but somehow I had become the “Pony” in “Pony Express.” A cold slithery sensation roiled through my gut as I remembered that the role of a pony for the Pony Express, was to be a mount, a beast of burden, an animal. A well-cared for animal certainly, but still an animal and suddenly Asian Girl’s earlier shout of, “I don’t want to be saddled and bridled” made a hell of a lot more sense.

Mr. Discord had gone back to his original lean form and turned to help Ms. Hooves as she tried, in vain, to buckle her choker back around her neck. Her half pony-half human form wasn’t very good at doing up buckles it seemed, and as the two them were occupied I started to take a few careful steps away from them, mentally measuring how many steps I had to go to be sure I could make a run for it. Unless it was for some fun with a willing partner, I didn’t want to be saddled and bridled either.

“And where do you think you’re going?” Mr. Discord asked, turning away from Ms. Hooves, having finished fastening her grey choker back in place. “Not thinking of running out on us, are you?” I froze, one foreleg raised a step, and forced a smile to my face.

“Well, you see, this is kind of cool and all, but I really don’t feel like being ridden around, so—” I began to say.

“You won’t,” Ms. Hooves interrupted. “Be ridden, I mean. Not unless you want to.“ She blushed a bit and I had a feeling I was missing something. “We’ve been looking for someone like you for awhile now,” she said, giving me what seemed like a reassuring smile. “Is...is it okay if I come over and take the backpack off?”

“Just you,” I said. If need be, I could probably take the woman as opposed to the guy, especially if my intention was getting away. Hooves nodded and walked slowly up to me, and her motions were exactly like what I would do if I had to approach a nervous dog...or a skittish horse.

“I’m going to kneel down beside you so I can take the backpack off, okay?” Hooves asked when she got close. Ya, she was definitely trying to put me at ease, which made me ready to run that much more. So instead of running, I nodded and watched her carefully as she knelt on the wooden floor of the hallway and reached out a single appendage that was slowly reverting back to a hand.

“You aren’t human, are you?” I asked her, as she fumbled with the buckle.

“Nope,” she said, and I heard the “pop” as she got the squeeze buckle to release. A moment later I was standing over her with the backpack on the floor at my feet. I looked down at my completely human feet that were in their perfectly normal shoes and the rest of me was back to being absolutely normal in the clothes I was wearing when this all began.

“Mr. Allens,” Discord said from about ten feet away. “Derpy and I have a job to offer you. But before we do, let me promise you that from this point forward nothing will happen to you without your consent or knowledge.”

“Really?” I asked, helping Hooves up, catching a glimpse of some interesting curves as I did so. She might not be a human, but she was most definitely a woman and one thing Dad always insisted on is that a man always offers assistance to a lady.

“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,” Discord said, as a wide smile crossed his face.

“Heh,” I laughed, and Discord’s smile grew wider as he heard it. “How serious is that oath?”

“Extremely serious,” he said, as he looked around for some reason, “and it lasts for—”

“FOREVER” shouted a voice from behind me and I spun around to catch a glimpse of a very, very pink pony sinking back through a doorway as she pointed a hoof at Mr. Discord.

“What the hell was that?” I exclaimed, as Discord facepalmed and muttered something about a “Pinkie,” whatever the hell that was.

“The pony that will fink on me if I break my Promise,” he said darkly, then he brightened up. “So, are you interested in the job?” I took a few breaths to calm myself down and with maybe a little bit of wanting to get some of my own back, I spent several moments fixing my clothing a bit and letting Discord just hang there. I had the suspicion he knew exactly what I was up to, especially when he cocked an eyebrow at me.

“Honestly, yes,” I said, a little surprised with myself. “But I have questions, a lot of questions, that I want them answered before I say ‘yes’ to the job.”

“Well, that seems fair enough,” Discord said, as his grin came back, and I hadn’t noticed before but he seemed to have a bit of an overbite. “Let’s sit down in my office and we can engage in a little quid pro quo.” He took a few steps further down the hall and opened an office door, inviting me in with a gesture.

“Any chance of getting one of those drinks you two were offering people?” I asked as I walked up to Discord and stepped in the room.

“No, no, no,” he said entering the room and closing the door behind him. “You don’t want one of those drinks. Have a seat and I’ll have Derpy get us something in a can.”

I sat down in a large brown upholstered armchair which was a surprising thing for an office setting. Actually the whole office was kind of surprising. The walls were covered in a rich, dark brown wood panelling and had several certificates on the wall. Dad had always called these the “I love Me” wall because they were usually there to do nothing but show off how supposedly awesome the person behind the desk was.

The room itself had no windows and the light came from a medium intensity light with a green shade overhead which lit the desk and chairs that dominated the room. All three chairs and the desk were made of dark wood and leather, which complemented the dark brown theme that seemed be the guiding plan of the tree hater who had designed the room.

“Those drinks had something in them, didn’t they?” I asked, and I watched Mr. Discord’s reaction as I did.

“Oh my yes, you are a smart one,” Discord said, looking pleased at my deduction. “We don’t want to hurt anyone, so if a candidate fails the corridor test, we give them a drink that well...changes their memories a bit.”

“Changes?” I asked, a little worried. “How?”

“You saw what happened to the girl who went before you. Her mind couldn’t handle her body changing to that of a pony and the last thing we want to do is hurt anyone,” Discord said, and he actually sounded a little sad. “So, the potion blanks their memory of the test itself and suggests that something embarrassing happened to them during the evaluation. It’s easier on them to think they did something embarrassing. rather than knowing what actually happened.”

“Which reminds me. If you and Hooves aren’t human, then what are you?” I asked, leaning back in my chair and I mentally resolved not to drink anything while I was here.

“Ah, the Big Questions,” Discord said, capitalizing the words as he did so. “Let’s dive into the deep end, shall we? First off, I’m a draconequus and Ms. Hooves is actually a pegasus pony. We are both from the magical land of Equestria, which is in another dimension. I’m assembling recruits from across the multiverse for a very special delivery service and I would like you to join us.”

“You’re aliens,” I said, shaking my head. “Actual, honest to God aliens, and you need my help delivering stuff. That makes no sense. I mean why would you need my help? Why not more pe...um, ponies, from your home dimension?” At the question, Discord actually blushed and looked embarrassed.

“Um...I...uh, that is,” he mumbled, trying to avoid answering me, when he was saved by Ms. Hooves walking in with a tray holding three cans of cola and an equal number of tasty looking muffins.

“I thought we all might like a snack as well,” she said, setting the tray on the table. Apparently, I really need to work on my poker face more, because Hooves saw my hesitation at the colas, frowned a bit and said, “Told you about the drinks, didn’t he?”

“Yah, and I get why you didn’t want anyone remembering being turned into a po—”

“They weren’t turned into ponies,” Ms. Hooves interrupted. “It was an illusion, a simulation in their head. They only thought they were turned into ponies.”

“You did that to me too?” I asked, raising an eyebrow and grabbing a can of cola. Screw it, it was cola, I was thirsty and they were aliens, if they wanted to drug me they could find ways to do it.

“You too,” Hooves confirmed. “If you had run out of here, all anyone would have seen was a young man running on all fours. Once someone got the backpack off of you it would have stopped and by then we would have been long gone.”

I popped the top of the can, took a swig and I paused for a moment as I considered her words. My head didn’t start spinning, so I guess even aliens can’t mess with the delicious malted battery acid that is cola.

“So, the backpack was the source of the illusion,” I said, setting my cola down and Hooves nodded at me. “You did say that it was a simulation, so I guess in a way it was. Which brings me back to the question I asked when you came in Ms. Hooves—”

“Derpy, please,” she interrupted.

“Derpy,” I repeated and pressed on because there had to be a reason I kept getting steered away from the answer. “I keep getting pushed away from the answer to this: Why do you need my help and why can’t you use more pe...po...folks like you?”

“Discord!” Derpy exclaimed, looking at him angrily. “You promised the Princess and Fluttershy you would be honest with anything anypony asked.” Discord actually cringed a bit at the name “Fluttershy,” and I made a mental note to find out who that was as soon as I could.

“Fine,” he said, recovering somewhat, and he shot an annoyed look at Derpy before turning to me. “To answer your question, it’s because I have friends now.” He folded his arms over his chest and looked at me as if that explained everything. It did not.

“Look, Mr. Discord,” I said, leaning forward. “You’re going to have to explain that in a little more detail. Otherwise, you can just have Derpy here feed me some of that mind changing stuff and you’re out a potential employee.”

“Okay, okay,” Discord said, throwing up his hands. “You want full disclosure? FINE! Here’s the entire taco. I’m the Spirit of Chaos, and recently, for the first time ever, I made friends.” I started to interject, but he glared at me so intensely I swear his eyes had flames in them and I closed my mouth.

“Having friends means getting friendship letters and tea party invites and packages and well...mail,” Discord said huffily, and then he looked shamefaced again. “My home is in a chaotic pocket dimension and it wasn’t exactly good for the Equestrian Mail couriers who tried to deliver there...”

“Eight out of nine quit the day after delivering to your place,” Derpy said, glaring a bit and taking an angry bite from one of the muffins she had brought.

“Um yes, so I promised that I would find a way to replace those couriers, and in doing so found out it takes a certain kind of mind to be able to handle my home,” Discord said. “A flexible mind, one that can handle things being twisted around, with a personality that just takes things as they happen and keeps going. It’s why I was so happy to hear your little puns on the phone. A mind that can twist words should be able to handle a twisted reality.”

“Okay, that sort of follows,” I said, nodding and scooped up what smelled like an apple cinnamon muffin. “But other than you remaking the ‘Pony Express’ why do you need to make me into a pony?”

“Pony Express?” Discord asked, looking at me blankly.

“Well ya, I mean, isn’t that what you...” I broke off. “Never mind that for right now. Why make me, or at least make me think I’m getting changed into a pony.”

“Ponies have certain advantages in toughness, mobility and some other interesting abilities,” Discord said. “And yes, if you did sign on with me and Derpy, you would be changed into a pony. Think of it as a work uniform that you can put on and take off as you need to. The change would only be for as long as it was needed or wanted. Now, tell me about this ‘Pony Express’ thing, it sounds interesting.”

We spent a few minutes chatting about the Pony Express and it’s history, as I pulled up a few bits from the internet on my obsolete smart phone. Both Derpy and Discord seemed really enthusiastic about the whole ‘Pony Express’ idea and Derpy was fascinated by my phone, leaning over my shoulder several times to look at its cracked screen. Which created another question I had to ask.

“So, if you two didn’t really know about the Pony Express before now,” I said, as I finished off the incredibly good muffin I had grabbed earlier, “what’s with all the stuff about horses and such in the waiting room?”

“Oh, that was the idea of an egghead friend of mine,” Discord said, as he scooped up the last muffin for himself. “She thought if we put a bunch of pony things around the waiting room we could get you folks thinking at least in the direction of ponies.”

“Oh, okay,” I said. I was a little crestfallen. My super deduction about the whole thing being a new Pony Express was right it seemed, but for all the wrong reasons. I sat back and thought for a few moments. Did I really want to be changed into a pony and travel across dimensions as some sort of mail carrier?

“Okay, I’m in,” I declared, and both Derpy and Discord beamed at me. “But I have two last questions. What does the job pay, and do I have to keep it a secret?” Discord gave me a shrewd look.

“Well, originally I wasn’t going to pay anything but the privilege of working with me,” Discord said as Derpy rolled her eyes at him. “But I was told that wasn’t fair. So, I’m thinking of a pound of gold a week would be good, plus we will cover your room and board while you’re on the job.” I did some quick mental math on the price of gold and tried not to hyperventilate.

“And the other thing?” I asked. I really need to work on my poker face because Discord smirked at me. He knew the pay rate had me jumping for joy inside. But then he threw me a curveball by asking me something completely different.

“Why is it important to you, whether or not your job is a secret?” Discord asked me. “You don’t have to hide it, but it will probably make your life back here easier if you do.” It was my turn to hum and haw, I really didn’t want them to know why I was willing to leap into this.

“Oh come now,” Discord said, smiling slightly. “I told you something supremely embarrassing about myself and there has to be some reason, beyond money, that you’re willing to do this. I mean, let yourself be turned into a pony? Cross the dimensions like nobody on your world has before as a sort of super courier? Tell Uncle Discord all about it.” He put his head on his hands and smiled at me as I tried to order my thoughts.

Discord obviously wanted an answer, and I was still trying to figure out what I was going to say, when I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I looked and saw Derpy’s hand there, now fully back to human. I looked into her face and our eyes locked for a few moments as comfort, assurance and an unspoken offer of friendship flowed into me from her misaligned eyes. Not to mention she was an attractive woman, and I felt my cheeks heating a bit as I smiled back at her. The warmth coming from her melted the last of my reticence and taking a deep breath I turned back to face Discord again.

“I’m the fourth of five children,” I said. “My older brothers are all successful at what they do. They’re making good money, and they’re respected in their fields.”

“You want respect,” Discord said, quirking an eyebrow.

“No,” I scoffed. “My parents love and respect me. What I want is to make my mark, to be known for my accomplishments. I don’t want to be known as ‘John’s little brother’ or ‘That Allens boy, you know, the one that makes pizzas.’ I want to be known for something, to do things that people look up to...and the money doesn’t hurt either.”

“Now that is an answer from the heart,” Discord said, nodding at me. “One that I can respect, so I’ll let you know a couple of things. First, as a pony, you will likely wind up getting your own cutie mark, which is an emblem that will appear somewhere on you as a mark of your true calling, your destiny.”

“Do you have one?” I asked Derpy. She smiled, took a step back from me and sliding down her skirt, bared her left hip to me. It was a very nice hip, and I furiously told parts of myself not to react to the expanse of smooth skin she revealed. On the hip facing me however, was what looked like a tattoo of a series of small grey bubbles, that seemed like they wanted to fly forever.

“They mean that I was meant to float on the air,” she said, pulling her skirt back up, which allowed my brain to start tracking again.

“So, I’ll get one of those?” I asked, looking back to Discord to finish rebooting my mind.

“Maybe,” he said. “Whatever magic governs cutie marks might decide you aren’t really a pony. Or you could get one the first time you truly change over.” I nodded in understanding.

“What’s the other thing?’ I asked.

“That for every story you’ve ever read, every piece of fiction you’ve ever known,” Discord said, smirking, “there is a dimension or world where it’s real and actual.”

“Wait, so there are dimensions where there actually is—” I broke off, as my mind spun with the possibilities.

“Yes,” Discord said, chuckling at my reaction.

“Damn, okay, well there’s no way I can say ‘neigh’ now,” I said, deliberately putting a little whinny into the word, and I heard Derpy try and fail to suppress a giggle, as I grinned back at Discord. “What happens next?”

“Well,” he said, “first you spend a couple of days getting your stuff taken care of here, then we get you over to Equestria to start your rotation. You get three weeks on, one week off and your first rotation will be basic orientation and hopefully, some on the job training.”

“Any chance of getting an advance on my first pay?” I asked, hopefully. “It would be really helpful to have my rent and everything else paid in advance, if I’m going to be gone for awhile.”

“An advance? No, I’m afraid I can’t do that,” Discord said, and my heart sank a bit. I would just have to hope my landlady would be forgiving and give me a few days extra to pay my rent. As all that was running through my mind though, Discord looked at me, ran his hands through his beard a couple of times and pulled open a drawer in his desk.

“I can’t give you an advance,” he continued. “But I can pay you for that wonderful idea of yours. I was going to call our operation the ‘Equestrian Cross-Dimensional Postal Service’ but I think ‘The Pony Express’ is much catchier.” With that he tossed what looked like a Crown Royal bag onto the desk in front of me and a satisfying “clink” of coins came from it. I opened the bag and I saw it was half filled with gold coins. There had to be at least two or three grand worth of them in that sack.

“Wow, thanks,” I said, gratefully. “This should cover things nicely.” I looked up to see Discord extending his hand.

“So, let’s make it formal,” he said. “Do you accept the offer of a job with me and Derpy?”

“Yes, yes I do,” I said, shaking his hand.

“Then welcome aboard the ‘Pony Express’.”

Author's Note

A bit more of a serious chapter as things get down to brass tacks between James and Discord. The next chapter should see our hero learning what it really means to be a pony. Again, as this is my first...um, initial first person story, feedback on the perspective is welcome.

Also, a huge, massive shout-out to Amalgamzaku aka Mix-Up for the absolutely incredible cover art they've done for this story. That they would contribute their amazing talent to my mediocrity makes me both humble and grateful. Be sure to check out their Deviantart page.

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