The pain was so bad that I couldn’t even scream. I just panted, trying to draw air into my labouring lungs. I saw the wizard reach his bloody hand in once more, and he pulled on something that should never be pulled on. Whatever he had grabbed tore free from inside of me, there was a spike of searing agony, followed by a blissful wave of numbness.

That sudden bliss washed over me, and seemed to lift me up. It kept on carrying me upwards, and I could look down and see the wizard’s back as he bent over my body. As I watched, my view began to retreat as I continued float upwards. Higher and higher I flew, until I lost sight of the wizard, and the land began to blur until I was looking down on the world of Nirn itself.

“Welp, I guess this is it,” I said, drifting toward the stars. “Time to see what’s next, I guess.”

As I floated through the heavens I noticed flashes of light off to one side, and my motion seemed to follow my interest, moving me toward the sparkles. I was sort of wondering why a pony shaped Grim Reaper hadn’t shown up, when I felt myself being drawn towards a nearby hunk of rock. I tried to steer away but the tugging grew into a relentless sucking force that pulled me down at high speed. I hit hard.

“Oof, anyone get the number of that Winnebago?” I asked, a few moments later as I got myself back onto my hooves. I felt a strange tingling tightness over my body and I took a look at myself to check for damage.

“Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me!” I exclaimed, as I saw what was on me. I’d been harnessed. Specifically, I had on a tight harness of black leather straps that were ornamented with glowing white crystals every couple of inches. A slight tugging at my chest had me turn to one side.

Sitting there, the very picture of serenity, was the goddess Mara. She had seen better days though. Her face was dirty and her clothing was ripped in a few places, not to mention that I could see a steel shackle around one of her ankles that was chained to the rock she sat on. The captive goddess also had a steel cuff around one wrist with another chain that went straight to the chest strap of the harness I was bound in.

“Hello James,” Mara said, smiling at me. “How do you like your soul cage, my little pony?”

“Soul ca—” I began to ask, and a chill spread over me suddenly. I realized that the harness I was wearing was studded with soul gems/, and Mara had called it a “cage”. She had quite literally captured my soul with it.

“Yes, soul cage,” Mara said, twining her cuffed wrist around the linked chain to pull me a little closer. “Had I not anticipated this need, your spirit would have drifted into the aether. There to float aimlessly until it slowly dissipated in a vain attempt to reach either of the afterlifes you are eligible for.”

“So, I’m dead?” I asked, trying to pull back a bit, but Mara’s strength was far beyond mine.

“Not entirely, but you are close enough and your body in more than sufficient agony that your spirit has left it,” Mara said, pulling me to within a few feet of her. “Now, be a dear and sit at my feet. Like a good pet pony should.”

“I am not your pet, Mara,” I said, pointedly refusing to move closer.

“Oh child,” Mara laughed. “You were mine from the moment you accepted my power into you. We are linked by a chain which cannot be broken.” She jangled the silver links binding the two of us together briefly.

“You mean this whole time? Everything I’ve gone through…” I sputtered, scarcely believing what I was hearing. “It was all a setup?”

“Of course. You are a force for change. A literal agent of chaos meant to disrupt Order. Such alteration of what is to be is anathema to Akatosh. He is the God of Time, and breaking the line of time breaks the Dragon, and weakens Him,” Mara said, lips twitching into a brief smirk as she pulled the chain leash taut. “I have guided things so that you and the possibilities you represent are mine to command.”

“Possibilities?” I asked, leaning against the pull with my mind racing trying to think what Mara was driving at. Beyond just having me as her personal pony toy, that is. Then it hit me. My seed. She had collected a portion of my essence. I looked Mara in the face and my realization must have showed.

“Yes, my dear James,” Mara said, and the smile was wide now. “A new race of creatures across the face of Nirn, beholden only to myself. Giving me and only me the power of their worship and devotion. Combined with you causing small, but repeated breaks in the timeline to weaken Lord Akatosh, and I will have sufficient power to become the chief goddess of Nirn. Either that, or strength enough to journey to Equestria to become its ruler. Celestia and Luna would look lovely harnessed to my chariot.”

“I’ll never serve you,” I said, defiance in my glare. “Neither will Equestria.”

“Of course they will,” Mara said, and her eyes and voice hardened. “Sit at my feet.” To my horror, my body took the last few steps over to her and I sat myself down where she had told me to. Mara’s cuffed hand came down and started lazily stroking my mane.

“What? How?” I asked, shocked at my body’s betrayal.

“Silly pet,” Mara said, leash clinking. “My power is a part of you, and I would be a poor goddess indeed if I could not control my own power. You, are mine. To control, to command, to be the instrument of my will.”

“Freedom is the right of all sentient beings,” Talos said, stepping out of the shadows with his sword drawn, “and it is not right of you to try to take James’ freedom from him.”

“He is mine,” Mara insisted. “I’ve paid the price for not letting Akatosh kill him outright. He accepted my power into himself, and he has obeyed my commands. He is mine.”

“You deceived him, you did not tell him the consequences of his choices,” Talos countered, advancing. “You used him and abused his trust. Your actions show why Men can never trust the Gods.”

“And what do you intend to do about it? Kill me?” Mara asked, thrusting out her impressive chest.

“Akatosh ruled you are to be confined here for a time, and I will not overrule my lord’s decision,” Talos said.

“Talos, why are you even here?” I asked, tugging at the black straps of the harness holding me. “I’m not even human anymore. I’m not a man.”

“James,” Talos said, and I swear there was a twinkle in his eye. “Let me tell you a secret of the universe. We are, who we believe we are. If you believe you are a man, then your spirit is that of a man. If you believe you are a pony, then you are a pony. And if… if you believe you are both, then that is what you are.”

“So I’m…” I trailed off, not really able to say the words.

“You are alive,” Talos said, clasping a hand to my shoulder. “Everything else is negotiable. A good man said that in another place and time, and he was right. You carry within you the spirit of Men. The will to defy kings and gods alike is your heritage, and so I am here. To defend that heritage.”

“So what now?” I asked, still sitting at Mara’s feet as she stroked my mane and back like I was some sort of pet. Which it was looking more and more like I was.

“We watch the fireworks,” Talos said, manifesting a chair and sitting on the opposite side of me from Mara; who rolled her eyes at the warrior god’s refusal to sit near her.

“What fireworks?” I asked, looking up, and hating the clinking sound of my leash already.

“Look, up there,” Talos said, pointing with a gauntleted hand.

I looked up into the dark sky to where the warrior god had gestured and as I did, my vision seemed to expand and flow. My eyes saw things that I knew should not have been visible to mortal eyes, but, praise be to Talos, I was seeing them anyway.

I had met the Diarchs of Equestria. I even had a personal relationship with one of them, and I knew them as compassionate beings who used their power with as much care and wisdom as they could. I had been at Luna’s side as she had wielded her might in the dream realm. I’d seen her power, her majesty, and her love and care for all her ponies. What I had never seen was Luna and her sister using everything they had in all-out, balls to the wall battle.

Luna and Celestia burned with the might of their fury and outrage. They shone like suns come to war in a celestial battleground and their banner of fire was declaration of intent to the gods of Nirn. Who were all too eager to pick up the gauntlet that had been thrown down, and I saw five equally blazing suns roar towards the Diarchs.

Luna and Celestia were outnumbered, outgunned, and were on someone else’s turf. Their defeat should have been certain, but the Diarchs had something going for them that the five against them couldn’t match.

Harmony.

Akatosh, Julianos, Arkay, Kynareth and Stendarr attacked the Sisters as soon as they were close enough to do so, but their strikes were uncoordinated and unplanned. In contrast, the Diarchs fought back as if they were a single being, each moving in smooth compliment to the other. Where one was weak, the other was strong. Where Luna was cunning, Celestia was wise. They were in complete balance, and their tactics showed it.

When Arkay tried to cloak himself in the shadows, it was Celestia’s light that revealed him. When Akatosh launched a strike at Celestia’s blind side, it was Luna who anticipated the shot and pushed the Dragon God off-course just enough. Luna and Celestia may have been outnumbered five to two overall, but at each clash of power they were always two to the other’s one.

Even as Kynareth screamed in pain at Celestia’s solar fire burning through her shield, and Luna warded off a counter-blow by Julianos, I could tell I was missing something. Luna and Celestia were putting up an amazing fight, but they couldn’t keep it up forever. Sooner or later one of them would make a mistake and then the fight would be over. There had to be something I wasn’t seeing, some reason why the Diarchs were fighting as openly as they were.

“Ah, you see it as well,” Talos said, and I could hear the approval in that low voice. “Let me show you what you are looking for. I think a little music is appropriate.”

From out of nowhere drums trilled and trumpets blared, and a moment later I realized that I knew that music. I must have seen the old cheesy movie it was from a dozen times, but it surprised me is that Talos knew it as well.

“Klendathu Drop?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “Really?”

“I am also a god of battles, and your people make excellent martial music,” Talos said, reaching down to guide my sight. “Look there! There she is!”

Once again I stared out into the abyss, squinting my eyes and trying to focus on what Talos had noticed. Finally, I spotted it. A grey speck, dropping unseen through the middle of that titanic battle in the cosmos. Talos twitched his hand, and the speck grew in my vision until it resolved into the image of a grey pegasus. Derpy, my Derpy Hooves, was flying through it all, her wings arched in the classic pose of a diving falcon as she flew towards Nirn.

“A diversion,” I breathed. “It’s a diversion.”

“Of course it is,” Talos said, and again there was that pleased sound in his voice. “The Diarchs know they cannot defeat Akatosh and the others, not on their home ground. I do not agree with the actions of the other gods, so I have chosen to stand apart from them, and let them fight without my experience.”

“She’ll ruin everything!” Mara yelled, getting up from her seat, her shackle jangling. “AK—” A muzzle suddenly came into being over Mara’s mouth, silencing her.

“That will be enough out of you,” Talos growled. “I have had enough of your wiles, enough of your schemes for power. Have the decency to accept that this part of your plans has failed. With grace, as a goddess should.” Muzzled, Mara said nothing, instead sending a fulminating glare at Talos that threatened to reduce him to ash on the spot.

Some part of Mara’s cry must have reached Akatosh’s ears though, because the Dragon God suddenly wheeled in flight shouting, “Children! We are deceived. GET THAT PEGASUS! DESTROY HER!”

The Lords of Nirn hurled themselves in pursuit of my Derpy, and Celestia moved to follow, but Luna held back. Instead of charging in pursuit, the Princess of the Night instead summoned a silver bugle to her lips and began to play. The notes were high, soaringly high and wild, triggering something in me that was neither wholly human nor pony. A strange exhilaration filled me, a need to take up a weapon, to drive forward and fasten my teeth in the throat of my enemy.

It wasn’t until I glanced at Talos and saw my feelings mirrored in his expression that I realized what Luna was doing. She was sounding the charge, and it hurt that bound as I was I could not follow the command of my liege lady, but then again I was not the only pony on that battlefield.

All ponies have a special talent. A special ability that is theirs and theirs alone, and is symbolized by their cutie mark. Sometimes the relationship between Mark and Talent is obscure, sometimes it is obvious and blatant. In the case of Derpy Hooves, everypony assumed that the bubbles on her flank stood for her happy and bubbly nature.

They were wrong.

At the sound of Luna’s trumpet, power flared from the wings of my pegasus as she drew on the innate power of cutie mark magic, and for the first time in years, let loose her special talent. Those weren’t bubbles on Derpy’s flank, oh no. They were shockwaves.

Spheres of raw kinetic power dropped off Derpy’s wings to detonate behind her in one concussive explosion after another. She rode those shockwaves with all the skill of a champion surfer, the blasts accelerating her already incredible speed into something that began to defy description. The display triggered a memory in me. Something my tenth grade science teacher had mentioned. Something about why you never let rednecks play with nukes, and my eyes went wide as the memory clicked.

“Orion,” I said, in amazement. “She’s a living Orion Drive.”

“So it would seem,” Talos said, as we watched Derpy blast forward.

The Lords of Nirn charged in pursuit of Derpy, and despite having to deal with both the shockwaves from the wrong end and Derpy’s amazing speed, they slowly began to close the gap. It was starting to look bad, right up until the Sisters played their ace-in-the-hole card.

Twilight Sparkle and Princess Cadance winked into existence above and below Akatosh. Taking a brief moment to orient themselves, they unleashed everything they had at the old drake. Twilight and Cadance were very much the junior princesses of the group, but they had both the Power of Love, and the Element of Magic at their command. Their hammer blows of force struck the Dragon God on the crown of his head and bottom of his jaw with sickening crunches.

Akatosh reeled like a ship caught in a sudden storm, stunned from the blows. The other four gods, hearing the blasts, turned away from the pursuit to come to the aid of their lord, fury in their eyes. Cadance and Twilight wisely ran from their ambush to join up with Luna and Celestia. The fight was now four to five, and even I could see Akatosh was hurt. Derpy was in the clear.

“Now then, James,” Talos said, standing. “You have a choice to make. You can stay here, and be Mara’s pet. Your spirit will live on, and I will do my best to keep her excesses with you to a minimum, but she will own you, make no mistake.”

“Or?” I asked, still feeling Mara’s command to sit on my body.

“Or,” Talos said, drawing his silvery blade. “I can sever your connection, here and now. Your spirit would return to your body. Which is likely going to die, and this time, your spirit will probably not survive it. But, you might still live, and if not, you should have time to say goodbye, at least.”

I’d made my decision a long time ago. The same decision my ancestors had made, the same decision the founders of my country had made over 200 years ago. I looked Talos in the eyes and said, “My people have a saying, ‘Live free or die.’ Get me out of here.”

“And that, Mara, is why I will always champion the Cause of Men. Because Men have a nobility the gods lack,” Talos said, and he brought his sword down to cleanly sever the silver chain binding me to Mara. A moment later I felt my body come back under my command, and I opened my mouth to thank Talos, but sudden vertigo swept over me and I fell.

I fell through the stone beneath me, through the rock, and through space down to distant Nirn. I fell all the way down to my poor, abused body and I nearly shrieked at the pain I felt as body and spirit rejoined. The agony I my body was in should have held my attention, but that was taken by the tableau near me.

My beloved Derpy had come through for me, but she was still Derpy, and had obviously misjudged her landing; if the fresh crater was any indication. Unfortunately, she also just as obviously been a little dazed on impact and the wizard and his draugr had taken advantage. Derpy stood there with no less than four lassos on her, holding her in place.

“Oh, this is excellent,” the wizard said, looking at the captive mare. “I still have some of the first pony’s seed. I can breed the mare and produce more—” The wizard’s monologue cut off, and he looked down at the foot of steel that suddenly protruded from his chest.

“That will be fucking enough out of you,” Aelinna said, wrenching her sword out of the wizard’s back. “You cowardly shit stain. You should be thanking me with these last putrid breaths of yours. If I had my way I’d stake you out for Alduin and let that prick shove his dick so far up your ass, your skull would pop off the top of your neck and dangle around like a bony cock ring.”

The Dragonborn kicked the man forward and he collapsed to the ground; half turning so that he could see his killer. His last expression was a comical mix of shock, outrage and disgust before his face relaxed in death. A sudden smell told me that other parts of him had relaxed in death as well.

“A shit stain ‘til the end,” Aelinna pronounced, turning toward Derpy and the draugr. “Let’s get you out that, girl.”

There followed a fight that was as fierce as it was brief. I couldn’t see all that much of it, but I could hear sounds of sword and hoof hitting undead flesh. It only seemed like moments later that Aelinna was cutting me free and Derpy was gathering me into her hooves like I was Dinky.

“Oh James,” Derpy said, tears in her eyes as she saw the terrible wound that was my belly. “Let's get you home.”

“Wait,” Aelinna said, pouring a healing potion down my throat. I felt the now familiar warmth blossom in me, but it seemed unable to deal with the cold in my guts.

“Dammit,” the Dragonborn started to curse, as she poured a second and a third potion into me. “Fuck.”

“What’s wrong?” Derpy asked, trying to hold me and wrap an improvised bandage around my middle at the same time.

“Healing potions aren’t working,” Aelinna said, tucking a few more into my old saddlebags. “They’re doing something, but not enough. Keep feeding him these and get him home, okay?”

“Okay, thank you,” Derpy said, before reaching out and handing the Dragonborn one of her feathers. “Thank you for doing your best, and for being a friend. Equestria never forgets friendship.”

“Just get the fuck out of here,” Aelinna said, giving Derpy a fierce but brief hug. I got the feeling that not too many people actually thanked the Dragonborn for all the shit she went through on their behalf.

Derpy smiled her lopsided smile, and lifted off with me in her forehooves. A few moments later she did that orthogonal turn Discord had taught her and took us between dimensions.

“Saw the fight,” I said, breathing through the pain that was my constant companion now. “You were awesome. How come you don’t do that all the time?” Derpy’s face was a mask of emotion.

“Concussion syndrome,” she said, as we began to move away from Nirn. “Using my special talent is like getting hit in the head over and over. When I was a filly I was okay, for awhile. But it just got worse and worse the more I used it. It messed up my eyes, my balance, and just about my life.”

“Sorry,” I said, reaching up to touch her face with a hoof.

“Worth it,” she said, smiling. “Shush now, I need to concentrate.”

The rest of the trip back was something of a blur, but at one point I had the impression of four rays of light falling into escort positions around Derpy and I. The next serious moment of coherency I had was when Derpy levered me onto a bed at Ponyville General. A bunch of doctors started checking me over, and their looks weren’t encouraging.

“We’re sorry, Princess,” one of them said to Luna, trying to be discreet but failing miserably. “We can make him comfortable, but that’s about all.”

“What do you mean?” Luna asked, not being subtle at all. “Heal him. I command it.”

“I’m sorry, Your Highness,” the doctor said, cringing, “but there are entire parts of him that are just… missing. There’s nothing more we can do.”

“It’s okay, Luna,” I said, trying to sound all macho and shit so Derpy wouldn’t cry. “I made my choices, and I’ve had a good run.”

“NO!” Luna exclaimed, cold smoke beginning to roll off of her. “Discord! I summon thee!” A moment later my boss appeared. He didn’t look happy either.

“Before you ask,” Discord said, holding up a paw. “The answer is ‘No’.”

“Why?” Derpy asked, not having moved from my side. “I thought you were our friend.”

“Dear Derpy,” Discord said, a sad smile on his face. “I am your friend. But James already avoided his fate once thanks to us. I can’t do it again.”

“What?” Derpy asked. “What does that mean?”

“It means, that James was supposed to die in that alley. Back in his hometown,” Discord said. “His getting involved with us let him side-step that destiny, because then you were watching him and were there to save him.”

“The others?” I croaked, knowing the answer already.

“All had their own fates to meet,” Discord said, and I couldn’t help but wonder about those I’d sat with back at that interview, so long ago. “It’s one reason you could do what you did. You were outside of Fate’s view, a non-entity. I’d hoped you would have had longer, maybe even a whole lifetime, but I guess not.”

“S’okay,” I said, looking between Derpy and Luna. “I got to meet some amazing folks. Got to do amazing stuff.”

“Discord, please,” Luna begged, a moment after digesting the exchange between me and Discord. “Save him. Name thy price and I shall pay it. I shall be thy toy, thy plaything, and right willingly so, if that is thy desire.”

“I… can’t,” Discord said, shame on his face. “I defied the Fates once on James’ behalf. I can’t do it again. There are rules that even I can’t break.”

“Rules?” Luna asked, with incredulous anger in her voice. “Fie on rules! Since when does Discord, Lord of Chaos, care one whit about rules? Thou art THE rulebreaker! It is what defines thee, as much as anything can.” Discord’s expression became thoughtful.

“Anything I want, eh?” Discord asked, and his eyes were literally whirling as he thought. “Even if I wanted to put a bridle on you and ride you bareback around the castle?”

“Even that,” Luna said, with a slight tremor in her voice. “Or any other perversion your mind can conceive.”

“Alright,” Discord said, clapping paw and talon together. “I’ll do it, but this is my price. One day, I will come to you, Luna. I will ask you for a favor, and you will grant it without hesitation. It may be to chain you to a breeding rack and make you my broodmare so I can make some little Discords, or it may be to get me a simple glass of water. Either way, you will grant me that favor when I ask for it. Have we a bargain?”

“We do,” Luna said, holding out a hoof. “I will make a Faustian pact with thee.”

“The Bargain is struck, the Deal is made,” Discord said solemnly, touching his paw to Luna’s hoof. “Thus Fate’s rules we evade.”

“Okay then,” Discord said, turning away from Luna and looking around the room, as I felt myself start to fade a bit. “Template, template, I need a template.”

“Why not just make him human again?” Derpy asked.

“Can’t. Not without a template to fit his form to. With his collar gone, his human form would be temporary, at best,” Discord said, and his eyes focused on Derpy with sudden intent. “Yes, that will work. Derpy, come here.”

“Okay,” Derpy said, standing up from my bedside. “What do you—urk!”

Discord had grabbed Derpy by the throat and held her up into the air. I was about to protest, but a moment later he did the same with me. It hurt, a lot. It was weird, but I could actually feel Discord’s paw inside of me, and looking over at Derpy I could have sworn she was translucent now, with Discord’s paw buried inside of her.

“Sorry, no time to be gentle,” Discord said, his attention on something only he could see. “Yes, this is going to work. Might be a little shocking to you, but you’ll be alive to be shocked. Heh, might even be funny.”

There was a roaring in my ears. Not only was I dying from evisceration, but now I was being choked to death on top of that. The roaring grew louder, my vision went to plaid, and then everything went dark and quiet. Either a moment or an eternity later I came to and opened my eyes. Derpy lay on the hospital room floor a few feet away, quiet and still.

“No!” I shouted, getting to my hooves and charging over. It was weird, but my voice sounded higher pitched, with a weird sort of lilt to it. My hips felt wider too, but none of that mattered as I scooped Derpy up. My belly felt a little odd, but I put it down to Discord putting everything back together down there.

“Oh,” Luna said, eyes very, very wide as she looked at me with a hoof over her mouth. “Oh Discord, thou art a fiend indeed.”

“Don’t worry, Lulu. I can get you a supply of R63 potions,” Discord said, with a wide grin. “I would suggest that later on you get yourself over to Rarity’s, and have yourself measured for a saddle and bridle.”

“You seek your payment already?” Luna asked, her voice stoic and nodding determinedly. “Very well.”

“Oh, that’s not my favor,” Discord said, and my heart leapt for joy as I felt Derpy beginning to stir in my hooves. “I’m just suggesting you do that, as a friend. I’ll let you know when I’m actually calling in my marker.” Luna gave Discord a glare as she realized just what her deal with Discord was really going to be costing her.

“Oooh, that wasn’t good,” Derpy groaned, opening her eyes. “James, you look… different.”

“Considering I’ve been taken apart and put back together twice now,” I said, smiling as Derpy’s hoof began to trace its way down toward my cock. I smiled, as her hoof descended, then frowned as her hoof didn’t touch my stallion parts, but instead bounced off a couple of very nice feeling mounds way low down on my belly. I looked down, and was shocked at what I saw.

“Discord!” I shouted. “What the hell, man? What did you do to me?”

“I reshaped and remade your body using the template I had available,” Discord said, still smiling. “Derpy was the template. She’s a mare, and now you are too. Hey, look on the bright side, all your male troubles are behind you now.”

I took a long, long look at Discord, and began to laugh. I laughed long and loud, and I didn’t care who heard me. I’d beaten the odds, defied Fate, and rewritten my own destiny. All it had cost me was my obvious humanity and my guy card. Then again, I was alive, I was free and who said I couldn’t rewrite my destiny a third time.

Like Talos had said, I was who and what I believed I was. I believed I was James Allens, late of Earth and now of Equestria. I was alive, and everything else, was negotiable.

Author's Note

And so, here we are at the end of the story. Any further tales of James will be in commissioned sequels.

I've really enjoyed writing this story and I've had a lot of fun with it, but it was, first and foremost an experiment in writing for me. The experiment was, "Can I write in first person?"

I would say that the answer to that is a most definite "Yes." However, Mail Troubles is not my best work. I made several errors in plot, in continuity and in overall writing. I came very close to having James become a Gary Stu. I started sub-plots, only to later abandon them, and I often tried to do too much in a chapter. In short, I could have done a lot better, especially in the early going.

The decision to bring down the curtain on this story came even before my marriage fell apart, when I had more time to write. With my now having to work 40-50 hours a week to keep myself sheltered and eating ramen, writing time became more and more reduced. So, I reluctantly have made the choice to start bringing as many of my stories as possible to a conclusion.

Mail Troubles could have gone on forever, and there were so many places I wanted to send James to. Especially to visit Harry Dresden. But I decided to ring down the curtain with the Skyrim arc, which was always intended to be the final trip for James as a male, mail pony.

I would like to thank the following people for their help.

Damaged, who kicked in the idea of Derpy being special to James.
Canary in the Coal Mine, who gave me the go ahead for the concept.
Coyotethetrickster, who let me use her version of the Dragonborn.
Sandstorm, for his constant encouragement and unflagging cheerfulness.

Thank you, mes amis.

If you've liked this and other stories of mine, you can support me on Patreon for as little as a dollar a month. Patreon is probably one of the best things ever for keeping content creators like me in keyboards, coffee and chairs. Some months you folks really make the difference.

A big shout out to the ongoing support through Patreon by:

Canary in the Coal Mine,
Damaged,
Shaushka,
Airar,
Pseudosapien,
Drazhan,
Machara,
and my newest Patron,
A.P.O.N.I.

Wow, I thought Penalt would never shut up. Holy crap, can the guy pad out the word count, or what? Anyway, this is James. If you can read this, it means Luna's spell worked, and you are one of the few folks out there who can do what I did, without being on Fate's hitlist in the first place, that is.

Right now you're probably going, "What the hell? Why is a fictional character talking to me?" The short answer is, you're just as fictional to me as I am to you, and we need you and others like you. See, I'm on maternity leave and with me out of action until my foals... yes, I said "foals." I'm having twins. Until my foals are weaned and can spend a few days without me, I'm stuck in the office.

So we need more folks who can do what I did. Discord is willing to pay, and he promises he's got the bugs in the whole collar template thing worked out. So, if you're willing, and interested in one hell of a change of pace, go outside on the next night the sky is clear. Look for the second star to the right and Derpy should be right with you. Hope to see you— No, I'm not telling you who the father is. Maybe once you get here I'll let you know, but not over a magic message. Anyway, hope to see you soon.

James Allens,
Of Earth, Equestria, and points in-between.