Rainbow Dash Comes Out of the Closet
Saturday afternoon, Big Mac’s bedroom...
Big Mac’s and Rainbow Dash’s tongues danced together for a long time, before they pulled back. Separated for just a moment, they again entered into another long passionate kiss, even better than the last one. Big Mac ran a hoof through her mane, while Rainbow reached with her wing and softly caressed his back.
Breaking off the kiss, Rainbow Dash said, “I love you.”
“Eeyup,” he replied, his familiar reply earning a smile from her.
Again they embraced, their mouths interlocking –
A noise came from downstairs. The two ponies stopped, straining their ears for any more sounds. After a moment, they heard the distinct voice of Granny Smith, followed by Applejack and finally a boisterous Apple Bloom.
“I thought they weren’t coming back until tomorrow,” whispered Rainbow Dash.
“That’s what they told me,” replied Big Mac.
“I gotta get out of here.” Suddenly they froze as the sound of creaking stairs alerted them to the approaching danger. “I’ll go out the window,” she said as she climbed off the bed.
“No, the window’s stuck.”
“What!?” replied a horrified Rainbow Dash.
The sounds of hoofsteps climbing the stairs were replaced by the sounds of hoofsteps coming down the hall.
“Quick!” Big Mac whispered. “Into the closet!”
“Are you nuts?” she retorted.
“Just do it,” he directed.
Rainbow Dash bolted to the closet and closed the door behind her just as the door to Big Mac’s bedroom opened. Applejack stood in the doorframe. “Ah thought ya’d be out workin’,” she said.
“Eeyup. Ah mean, Ah was tired so I came in here for a nap.” Big Mac felt a sense of pride for his thinking on the fly, his lie easily explaining why he was in his darkened bedroom, alone in the house. Quickly changing the subject, he asked, “So, why are ya home so soon?”
Applejack walked into the room and sat down next to him. “Well, you know how it is. We was havin’ such a nice visit. But then somepony had to bring up politics.” Big Mac groaned. “It got real heated, hotter than the western salt flats on a summer day. They started arguing over the southern border wall, an taxes, an the health care system, an how Princess Celestia is doin’ with the foreign relations. All the while I’m the rodeo clown, trying to distract the two sides. Finally, Granny got so mad we left early.”
Oh shut up and leave AJ! thought Rainbow Dash.
“Eeyup. So now what?” he asked.
“Well, since we’re back, guess we need ta figure out somethin’ fer dinner. Unless yer makin’ somethin’,” teased Applejack.
“Nnope.” Thinking to the mare hiding in the closet in need of an egress route, he suggested, “Maybe we should go out to eat.”
“We just got home,” said an exasperated Applejack. “Granny’s makin’ dinner. In the mood for apple hash?”
“Eeyup.”
“Good. I’ll go tell her.” Applejack got up and walked out of the bedroom.
As soon as she shut the bedroom door, the closet door creaked open. “Is it safe to come out?” whispered Rainbow Dash.
“Eeyup.”
Rainbow Dash came out of the closet and sat down next to Big Mac. “What are we gonna do?” she asked.
“Just ’ave to wait ’til everypony’s asleep.”
“Are you nuts? That’ll be hours!”
“Eeyup.”
“ ‘Eeyup’ as in your nuts, or ‘eeyup’ as in that’ll be hours?”
“Eeyup.” Rainbow gave him a playful punch and Big Mac leaned over to kiss his marefriend. They were interrupted by the sounds of approaching hoofsteps. “Quick! The closet.”
Rainbow dashed back into the closet, softly closing the door behind her. Big Mac let out a sigh of relief as the hoofsteps continued down the hall to Apple Bloom’s room. “Rainbow,” he whispered.
The door slowly cracked, “Yeah?”
“False alarm, that must –”
He stopped as he heard hoofsteps approaching. Rainbow shut the closet door just as it opened to reveal Apple Bloom. “Who ya talkin’ to Big Mac?” asked his youngest sister.
“Uh – maself?”
“Really?” asked a suspicious Apple Bloom.
“Eeyup,” he said with more force and confidence, silently praying that she would buy his little lie.
Apparently taking her brother’s assertion, she continued, “Did Scootaloo come by and drop off the new Daring Do book she was gonna let me borrow?”
“Eeyup,” he replied.
“She did? I didn’t see it in my room,” she observed.
“Eeyup.”
“Well, where is it?” asked a confused Apple Bloom.
Smiling, Big Mac opened the drawer on his nightstand and pulled out a copy of Daring Do and the Lost City of Zebra. He passed it off to Apple Bloom, who looked up and asked, “You had it?”
“Eeyup.”
“You’ve been reading it?” questioned a surprised Apple Bloom.
“Eeyup.”
“Is it any good?”
“Eeyup.”
“I think I’ll start reading it,” she said, stepping towards the door.
“Eeyup,” gently prodding his sister out the door.
As soon as the door closed, the closet door slowly opened. “So, Daring Do and the Lost City of Zebra?” asked Rainbow Dash, with a knowing smile on her face.
“Eeyup.”
“I really liked how when she was in the Temple of Zimba and–”
“Dash?”
“–she found the Mask of Zarra–”
“Dash?”
“– and used its power to break the Curse of Zyla.”
“Dash?”
“Yes?”
“Ah ain’t ’ad time ta finish the book.”
“Oh,” giving him a sheepish look, “sorry about that. When did you start reading Daring Do?”
Smiling back, “Figured id’be somethin’ we could talk about.”
“Sorry I ruined the ending.”
“That’s okay. Ah still have the other books in the series ta read. Know who would loan me their copies?”
“Maybe.... But right now, I could use a Daring Do escape to get out of here.”
“My closet ain’t that bad, is it?”
“No, there’s plenty of room – not like you have a bunch of clothes in here anyways.”
“Nnope.”
“Now Rarity’s closet, it’s so crammed you can’t even walk in it, even though it’s a walkin closet.”
“Which one?”
Rainbow let out a slightly louder laugh, which quickly stopped as she heard the hoofsteps coming down the hall. She closed the door, and a moment later the bedroom door opened. Applejack walked in and asked, “You doing alright Big Mac?”
“Eeyup?”
“I heard you laugh, but it sounded kind of weird.”
“Uh – ”
“Maybe you’re getting sick.” She walked over and placed a hoof on his head. “You feel warm – you should just rest in here sugarcube.” She got up and approached the closet. “Let me get you an extra blanket from the closet.”
Rainbow Dash held her breath.
As she reached for the doorknob, Big Mac replied, “Nnope.”
“No?”
“Ah’m not sick – just tired from workin’ this mornin’.”
Applejack shook her head, “Stallions never want to admit when their sick.”
“Ah’m fine.”
“If’n ya say so. I better go help Granny with the hash.” She walked out the door, closing it behind her.
Waiting a minute to make sure the coast was clear, the closet door creaked opened. “That was close.”
“Eeyup.”
“Way to close.”
“Nothin’ my marefriend couldn’t handle.”
“Really?”
“The most awesome pony in all of Equestria?”
“You know it!” Pausing for a moment, she asked, “What about you?”
“What do ya mean?”
“Bet you were about to freak out.”
“Pffft, nnope,” dismissed Big Mac.
“Liar.”
“Nnope.”
“For being the brother of the Element of Honesty, you sure can lie.”
“Little harmless lies. Unless of course you want to tell Applejack the truth.”
“No! I mean, we’ve talked about this. Things would get weird with AJ. And you definitely aren’t ready to meet my parents yet.”
“Nnope.”
“So we’ve got to keep it a secret.”
“Until?”
“Until when?”
“Eeyup.”
“What are you going at?”
“When will we tell them ’bout us?”
“I don’t know, when it gets more serious.”
“We were makin’ out in ma bedroom. Sounds serious to me.”
“Yeah, I’m just not ready.”
“Ah’ll be right there with’ya.”
Rainbow Dash smiled. “I know.”
The sound of hoofsteps coming down the hall forced Rainbow Dash to shut the closet door again. Applejack opened the door and came inside. “Granny decided to make stew instead of hash. Is that good with you?”
“Eeyup.”
“So a lot of the members of the family were asking ’bout you.”
Come on AJ, get out! thought Rainbow Dash.
“And?”
“There were wondering ’bout you and Cheerilee.”
What!?
“What?”
“They all wanted to know how you were doin’ with your special somepony.”
That nag?
“She ain’t my special somepony.”
Applejack chuckled, “That’s what Ah told them. Even though you were under a love potion, they still thought you were perfect.”
Mac and Cheerilee?
Applejack gave Mac a sly look, “You know, Ah could arrange a date between you and Cheerilee.”
What the hell AJ!?
“Nnope.”
Damn straight Mac!
“Ah figured. It would probably be really awkward. Besides, Ah know somepony that would be perfect for you – Fluttershy.”
Fluttershy!?
“Fluttershy?”
“Yeah, she’s really nice an’ carin’. An’ she’s great wit animals,” explained Applejack.
You can’t be serious!
“She’s quiet. Might not be the best ta put two ponies who hardly say a thing together.”
“You’re probably right. Well, now that Ah think ’bout it, Twilight is more your type.”
Twilight!
“Twilight?”
“You like to read an’ she’s the head of the Ponyville Library. An’ she’s single.”
“Nnope.”
“No?”
“Nnope.”
“Well, Ah do ’ave one other friend that Ah could set you up with.”
Rainbow Dash pressed her ear against the door. Could it be?
“Eeyup?” pressed Big Mac.
“Rarity.”
Rainbow Dash’s jaw dropped. Rarity!? Rarity!?
“Rarity?” asked Big Mac.
“Yeah. Just think. You an’ Rarity spend a lot of time together in the Ponytones. She could take ya to parties an show ya ’round, and you could keep her grounded an make her less fussy.”
No way my coltfriend is dating Rarity!
“Nnope.”
You tell her Mac!
“Hmm. I’m not sure who else Ah could set ya up with. Pinkie Pie and Maud Pie might be our cousins, so that won’t work. Starlight Glimmer might be single, but Ah think she has her eye on Sunburst. Maybe Trixie – ”
“What ’bout yer friend Rainbow Dash?”
“RD? Well, she’s a Wonderbolt, so she’s busier than a me doin’ applebuck season all by maself. And, Ah really don’t think ya want to date her.”
“Why?”
Yeah why, my so-called ‘best friend’?
“Well, Ah don’t know if ya noticed, but she’s kinda full of herself.”
What the f@#$ AJ!?
“What?” asked a shocked Big Mac.
“Well, she brags all the time, sayin’ how awesome she is. All she cares ’bout is herself. Ah won’t have ma brother date somepony like that.”
We are so not friends anymore!
“Ah think she looks pretty. An’ she is pretty awesome. Youngest Wonderbolt in Equestria’s history. First pony in a thousand years to do a sonic rainboom. An’ if’n Ah’m not mistaken, wasn’t she responsible for you getting ya cutie mark?”
That’s my colt friend! You tell her Mac!
“You sure know a lot ’bout Rainbow Dash.”
“Eeyup. Ah mean, Scootaloo came by to give Bloom a book. She is the head of the Rainbow Dash Fan Club.”
Getting up, she remarked, “Well, we’ll find a nice earth pony for ya. There’s plenty in town. Oh Mac?”
“Eeyup.”
“Ah’ll set an extra place at the dinner table.” Big Mac gave her a confused look. Applejack smiled, “Rainbow Dash is joining us fer supper. Or will she still be hidin’ out in yer closet?”
“What?”
The closet door opened. “You knew!?” shouted Rainbow Dash. “You knew this whole time!?”
“Ah ain’t blind. Ah’ve seen how you look at each other. Besides, a little birdie told me that you would be getting’ together while we were away.”
“Who?” demanded Rainbow Dash.
“Ah can’t lie. The little birdie told Fluttershy, who told me. Now, do you two want to come down and join the rest of the family, or do you want to be alone for a while?”
Author's Note
My twentieth story!
Just something that occurred to me yesterday. I've been working on several other stories (including two new The Secret Life of... stories), but hit a wall. I took a break by writing this fun comedy one-shot. Though now that I think of it, maybe it deserves a sequel... with Rainbow Dash's parents!
Dreadnought
