You should have read the newspaper that morning. It would have warned you about making faces and pretending to be stupid. It would have saved you from the fate you currently have.
You probably wouldn’t have died.
….
Ok so you’re not dead, but you get the point.
It all started when you woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Literally. Sometime in the middle of the night you had rolled over onto your back and laid on some of your stuffed animals.
You grumbled something about salad and rolled off of the bed. Landing with a grunt you pushed yourself up with your forehooves and then neatly made your bed, putting Mr. Snuggle-Dan and Mrs. Willy-Goo back in their respective places.
You always argued that they were pre-named. Obviously they were not. Why would anypony be so defensive? Plus you were a terrible, terrible liar. Your eye twitched and everything!
Anyway so then you went about your morning routine, brushing your mane and stuffing carrot muffins down your throat. And then you were ready to start the day!
Stepping outside of your pastel green home you scanned the residential part of Ponyville, waving to Lyra and Bon Bon as they passed. Colgate gave you a sinister look that you ignored as you trotted to your mail box. There wasn’t any mail, to your disappointment, so you began trotting to the town square.
But you stopped when you felt something papery under your hooves and looked down. The newspaper stared back at you. You wondered if you should read it. The answer, yes you should. But of course you didn’t and just continued to the town square.
Mistake #1.
Enjoying the sight of many different colorful ponies, most mares, and the pastel cottage-like homes and sugary candy-looking buildings made you trip over a rock.
Tripping over a rock leads to pain, and nopony likes pain. A few bystander ponies asked if you were alright, to which you waved a hoof and squeaked out an ‘I’m alright!’ which was untrue.
Though you ignored the pain in an attempt to stay up-beat like the other ponies, and you continued on.
Sure enough you reached the town square and could hear Pinkie Pie welcoming a new pony with her ‘every-instrument-you-can-think-of’ machine. You remembered with fondness the day the pink mare threw a welcoming party for you.
It ended with strands of your mane falling out for weeks due to anxiety and stress. But you eventually got over the fear of the bouncy mare re-appearing in your house during your quiet time and throwing her pet alligator at you whilst screaming, ‘SURPRISE!’. Perhaps you should go say hi to her.
Or maybe you should stay clear of Sugar Cube Corner for the rest of your existence. Yes, you liked that idea better. So staying clear of that confetti covered death trap, you found your hooves bringing you to a large tree-like building.
From where you stood you could see Twilight Sparkle on her balcony, chuckling at a disappearing rainbow. It seems RainbowDash had just left.
You never really enjoyed being in the cyan pegasus’ presence, it felt too much like being in the company of an extremely awesome mare who totally knew it.
Your ears flickered before you knocked on the library door, knowing that although it was a public place, it was also a home. One must be respectful. And earn brownie points. Mmm… brownies.
Twilight looked down at you from the balcony and waved. “Good afternoon, Blanky!” You see that nopony has told her that Blanky was just a nickname and your name was actually-
“I’m coming down.” She announced before disappearing. You snorted, thoughts now centered on the fact that you’re a blank-flank earth pony.
But before you could dwell any further, the door opened to reveal a purple mare with an indigo mane and tail. They were straightened and cleanly cut, a sign that told you this mare was neat and meant business.
“Good morning Twilight Sparkle.” You greeted with a smile. She responded with a small smile and a welcome, and then stepped aside for you to trot in.
“You know you don’t have to knock until the library is closed.” The purple mare reminded as she shut the door behind you via a simple spell.
“I know, but this is still your house.” You answered, and then trotted over to a random bookshelf. Twilight rolled her eyes with a smile, showing your response amused her, and then called Spike down.
You spent about two hours there before you looked at the clock and realized your shift at Sunset Meadows was starting soon. So quickly you said your goodbyes to Twilight and her baby dragon assistant, and galloped back to the town square.
You arrived just in time and got to work. Business was booming in the afternoon, and since one of your co-workers was sick you were filling in for two jobs. Taking double the orders and serving double the food.
Your break arrived and you welcomed it with wobbly hooves. You practically melted into the ground as you stood at a table. One of the busmares was doing your job and took your order of hay fries.
You noticed a pony sitting a couple tables away from you; she was staring at her food and drooling. Her eyes strayed in different directions like the mail pony, what’s her name.
But the thoughts vanished as a bubbly pink mare sat at your table. You looked at her in surprise, but also slight fear. But she seemed a little mellow.
But you know Pinkie Pie. One minute she had a cool and relaxed expression, the next she was jumping up and down blasting a small confetti cannon and shouting ‘HOORAY!’
You winced at the volume of her voice and then sneezed as a strip of confetti plugged up one of your nostrils. Shaking your head you put your hooves up defensively.
“Happy anniversary of living in Ponyville! Exactly five years ago right this very second you placed one hoof in Ponyville!” You wondered how Pinkie Pie even knew this considering you hadn’t met her the exact moment you arrived.
“T-thanks, Pinkie Pie…” You felt as though you had gone deaf in one ear, but ignored it as Pinkie Pie kept on a huge face-breaking smile.
A couple hay-shakes later the poofy-maned mare was still hyper but no longer shouting. You had relaxed to the bubbliness of the bubble gum pony and both of you were conversing about the importance of cotton candy.
Because you know cotton candy is why you exist.
But anyway, you two had moved onto a different topic as Pinkie Pie demanded to know everything about your day.
“-And then just before you showed up, there was this mare sitting over there,” You gestured with your hoof. “Who was like,” You tilted your head, lolled out your tongue, and crossed your eyes in an attempt to look like a derp.
A very attractive derp, you might add. But of course, if you did, your eye would twitch.
Pinkie Pie screeched and jumped back.
That was mistake #2.
